Because no one has ever been able to define Him in totality.
He, as you say, is a paradox.
IMHO we humans barely even scratch the surface when it comes to describing and explaining and defining this en y in a comprehensible understandable way, and it would be the epitome of egotistical arrogance in the extreme to even try, skirting the boundaries of hubris.
You ask for the impossible IMHO.
I cannot give you the answer you want.
All I can do is give advice, and that is to look inside yourself for the answer because no one outside of you can give it to you.
If that is not good enough for you, then I cannot help you.
What you need to understand and accept is that it is not a matter of whether I want to or not, it is a matter of that I can not.