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  1. #101
    I cannot grok its fullnes leemajors's Avatar
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    Francis Dunham is her name. Keep any kind of correspondence between the two of you and if you have proof of her infidelity, it is a done deal.

    Oh and don't be a ing moron and try to beat someone up.

    If she calls you, don't answer. Text her back with "I'm busy, what's up" or some such variation on that so that you can get what she wants in writing.

  2. #102
    The D.R.A. Drachen's Avatar
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    francisdunhamlaw.com

    my coworker's husband used her to ensure joint custody (it was an amicable split, but he wanted to make sure he didn't get railroaded), then her fiance's ex served him with papers wanting to sue to change THEIR joint custody agreement to full custody for her (for child support). After this lawyer was done, the judge ended up ordering the mom into parenting classes, and didnt require anything of the dad.

  3. #103
    Derrick White fanboy FkLA's Avatar
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    Came in to post the question about the avatar and found out everyone was thinking the same thing.

    Good luck with everything though OP. Thats a ty situation to be in, I can only imagine how hard it must be to compose yourself.

  4. #104
    Believe. Vertigo's Avatar
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    Good luck and when you are ready to get back in the game try eharmony.

  5. #105
    Got Woke? DMC's Avatar
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    When you have a baby, just consider it a renewal on an 18 year lease that you cannot get out of. Anytime you have another, and you are maybe 7 years along into one already, you just reset the child support clock. That can last way into your 60's if you aren't careful. Don't do what a friend of mine did and adopt a child of a new spouse, as he was divorced 3 years later and is now paying child support on a kid that's not his (and he just finished paying off his 18 year old).

    Don't be stupid. If you're going to have kids, make damn sure you treat your spouse with respect and make her a priority. Otherwise you're risking a huge expense. She'll be collecting half your paycheck and her new BF will be buying beer and cigarettes with your money, and don't ask where he got that new Camaro.

  6. #106
    Allenhu Joshbar DeadlyDynasty's Avatar
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    Good luck and when you are ready to get back in the game try eharmony.
    OP, if you're 40+ and short on self-esteem try eharmony

  7. #107
    Believe. step up to the mike's Avatar
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    Don't be stupid. If you're going to have kids, make damn sure you treat your spouse with respect and make her a priority.
    That is what marriage is all about.

  8. #108
    I play pretty, no? TeyshaBlue's Avatar
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    Been there, done that. It's entirely possible you can take custody of your children. Possession works wonders and that ball currently resides in your court. keep it that way.

    I retained my two children when my ex flaked out and left. She still pays child support on one of them.

  9. #109
    Veteran Xevious's Avatar
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    Good luck and when you are ready to get back in the game try eharmony.
    Getting back into the game should be the last ing thing on his mind right now.

  10. #110
    Controversy Koolaid_Man's Avatar
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    If women truly cared about being viewed as equal they would quit going to the well on issues such as these. A real women IMO would be one that can support herself and family - just as her counterpart does/did (not in all cases obviously) and should only be concerned with getting full custody (if the dad has issues) or joint custody (if she knows he is a good father). The money issue should be off limits IMO in most cir stances - especially cir stances such as these. The idea of women overwhelmingly getting custody and child support is so dated and sexist I do not even know where to begin.
    You must watch a ton of soap operas or was an only child raised by a single mom...you be trynna act like you Dr. Phil or some ...you real passionate about relationship issues I see...put the basketball down little man and go chase you some tail...

  11. #111
    above average height mavs>spurs's Avatar
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    OP, if you're 40+ and short on self-esteem try eharmony
    or if you're in your early 20's and look like a monkey

  12. #112
    above average height mavs>spurs's Avatar
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    i remember his old avatar as well for some reason. sorry for the OP's situation, don't do anything crazy to yourself, just fight the good fight. Best of luck to you and the kids.

    I should've been married by now but keep on living the bachelor's life. When around my married friends it can be awkward, but when i read how many of you guys have had chicks leave them for "freedom" (ie different ) then I feel good about my decision. Knowing my luck, I'd end up with that type of broad.

    the American female is becoming toxic imo. Not all of them, but is starting to get out of control. I always thought women were more naturally into rearing a child than a guy, but maybe that was never true.
    True story, american women. And to the OP, I'm really sorry to hear that , and it's unfortunate that this country is so backwards pussified sexist. Judging by your posts you sound like a good guy and should get full custody and not owe a dime in a fair and equal world. Stuff like this makes me lose a little faith in humanity..hang in there.

  13. #113
    Esse quam videri ploto's Avatar
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    Sorry of what you are going through, but know that there are two mindsets toward what you are handling.

    Do you want your kids because you want to punish her and do not want to pay her child support?

    Or

    Do you really want to fight for your kids because you cannot imagine your everyday life without them in it?

    You should only fight for full custody in the second instance.

  14. #114
    Make a trade steal
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    She put it like this..."i'm just letting you know, im going to file for full custody of kids bc that is the only way I will get child support from you".

    Thanks for the support in telling me to keep my cool. Theres this guy that she started hangin out with as soon as the split....Ive gone twice to beat his ass, and both times he wouldnt come out his apt. After that I started to think a little more clearly.
    She already had that guy lined up before she split with you. That was the reason she split with you.

  15. #115
    Larry is a faggot Edward's Avatar
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    Sorry of what you are going through, but know that there are two mindsets toward what you are handling.

    Do you want your kids because you want to punish her and do not want to pay her child support?

    Or

    Do you really want to fight for your kids because you cannot imagine your everyday life without them in it?

    You should only fight for full custody in the second instance.
    His wife leaving their kids and putting herself and her affair above her responsibilities as a mother is reason alone for him to fight for custody. What's gonna happen if she gets full custody and decides to leave the kids with her new husband after she gets bored with him and is in another affair? I'm not sure why men have to bend over backwards showing how good of a parent they are in order to get custody while all women have to do is show that they can count to 10 in order to get the kids and child support without having to provide any assurance she isn't spending child support on new jewelery and a job.

  16. #116
    Esse quam videri ploto's Avatar
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    His wife leaving their kids and putting herself and her affair above her responsibilities as a mother is reason alone for him to fight for custody. What's gonna happen if she gets full custody and decides to leave the kids with her new husband after she gets bored with him and is in another affair? I'm not sure why men have to bend over backwards showing how good of a parent they are in order to get custody while all women have to do is show that they can count to 10 in order to get the kids and child support without having to provide any assurance she isn't spending child support on new jewelery and a job.
    Where did I say she should get full custody?

  17. #117
    Larry is a faggot Edward's Avatar
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    Where did I say she should get full custody?
    You were questioning the OP's motives when his wife's motives are 1000x more suspect.

  18. #118
    Believe. Frank Dux's Avatar
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    Theres this guy that she started hangin out with as soon as the split....Ive gone twice to beat his ass, and both times he wouldnt come out his apt. After that I started to think a little more clearly.
    Best advice I got from a lawyer during my divorce:

    "This is a point in life when normal, good people do things that land them in prison. Don't go looking to beat anybody up and be aware of your anger."

  19. #119
    I cannot grok its fullnes leemajors's Avatar
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    echoing what TB said about possession, file first if at all possible after securing a good lawyer. if you file for temporary orders first and have possession in pocket as well as the family home you're starting in a great position, especially if she just doesn't have space for them.

  20. #120
    Kooler than Jesus Nathan Explosion's Avatar
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    Why is it the guy's fault anyway? Who says he even knew she was married?

    Even if he did know, I don't see how it's fault.....unless you're married yourself,

    If she's coming on to you, who wouldn't hit it? let's not be hypocrites here.
    I used to be a guy who would never touch a woman in a relationship. However, now, if the woman has a boyfriend but no kids, I'll only touch if she hits on me. But if she's married, that. I don't care what she says, I'm not breaking up a family. I already had a guy with my family (he knew my ex was married with kids) and I know what it does to the husband and kids (if applicable).

    So no, I wouldn't hit it if she was married.

  21. #121
    Kooler than Jesus Nathan Explosion's Avatar
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    Been there, done that. It's entirely possible you can take custody of your children. Possession works wonders and that ball currently resides in your court. keep it that way.

    I retained my two children when my ex flaked out and left. She still pays child support on one of them.
    My ex is paying me child support as well. It's a mutual agreement but if she ever takes me to court, I can ask my bank to produce copies of all the checks she gives me, and on them it says "Child Support". So if she tries to change her story, I can nail her to the wall with her own writing.

    Sometimes it's not just about respect though. I loved my ex and my kids more than anyone in the world. I would have done anything for her. , when she comes over, I still cook, clean (well it is my house) and take care of her out of respect for my children. But where I drew the line was when her friends and Facebook took priority over the kids. I woke up one time at 2:30 am and my son was playing on the Wii while she was IM'ing the dude she left me fore and playing on Facebook. They were going to hang out the next day and I actually said it was alright. I ripped her a new one right then and there and the next day when she thought she was leaving I told her no because her friends were becoming more important than our kids.

    I may have been her husband, but I considered myself a father first at that moment because my kids had no one to defend them in the fight. She told me a few days later she didn't want a divorce and realized she messed up, but about a month later I found out she was looking for apartments at night while the kids and I were asleep.

    So if the wife is too immature to understand respect for her husband and what it means to be a parent, it doesn't matter what you do or how good you treat her, she's only thinking of herself at that point. And there's nothing you can do to change her mind because she'll only remember the bad and never the good.

    For my ex her main gripe was that I was "always right" in an argument. Of course, I later explained that I wouldn't argue if I didn't think I was right. If I started to argue, and realized I was wrong, I stopped and just let her win because, well, she was right. Why would I waste energy arguing when I was in the wrong. Seems logical. But nobody remembers the fights that almost happened but didn't.

    And of course, she "forgot" how I would come home tired as and still watch my son at night so she could sleep because she worked mornings. And when she was put on bed rest, I watch my son every second I was at home, cleaned cooked and even gave her baths so she could be comfortable. And the same when our daughter was born. When I was home, I took over being the parent so she could relax. Or when she hated her job so much it affected her at home, I told her to quit and I would worry about paying the bills while she just rested and got herself right again. And when she got tired of being a stay at home mom, I pulled strings to get her the job she has now, even though I or the guy I asked a favor of didn't feel comfortable doing that because of our close friendship and what could happen to him professionally if it went sour.

    When a woman makes up her mind, all logic goes out the window.

  22. #122
    The Timeless One Leetonidas's Avatar
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    damn, sorry brah. there's a dude on the radio i hear from time to time here in SA that specializes in fighting for men, his wife divorced him and he's been fighting for men in divorces ever since. can't think of his damn name though...if you listen to the radio enough you'll hear him. best of luck

  23. #123
    The Timeless One Leetonidas's Avatar
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    woman, logic
    two words that shouldn't be used together imo

  24. #124
    GAME OVER gospursgojas's Avatar
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    Appreciate all the comments guys....Yes I had the avitar of me and my wife on here since I joined back in like 05, or was it the 03 'ship?


    Yall are very insightfull and damn right hillarious.

    But on a serious note, if you got some real attorney info...pm me. Taking all advice from every walk of my life.


    eharmony. Im 29.

  25. #125
    Kooler than Jesus Nathan Explosion's Avatar
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    What a coincidence, I'm 30. About the only thing I'd use the internet for is Craiglists "casual encounters". Okay, not really.

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