Advice Needed.

[2centsworth]

Looking for everyones two cents on this one.

Long story short. I have a sister-in-law that my wife and I helped out of a bad situation a few years ago. Her ex-husband is a straight-up punk, but he shares custody with my sister-in-law. Though I've never liked the arrangement, I've always been of the opinion that there was nothing I could do because the guy never abused the child from what I could see. Now that has changed and my niece came back with bruises on her back. Of course my first reaction is to kill this dude, but me being in jail doesn't help my family. I want this guy to lose custody and pay the price. Here's what I plan to do at this point any other info would be appreciated.

1. File police report
2. Take the kid to the hospital
3. Call CPS

[Kori Ellis]

How old is the child? Does she say the dad hit her?

[Kori Ellis]

Oh ... and to anyone who even thinks of trolling this thread - that would probably cause an instant ban. So consider yourself warned.

[Sense]

Hmm... idk but I'd say take the child to the hospital first... ask the doctors if they seem like domestic violence, the bruises I mean.. have them examine (lol idk what they do) once you get their approval... file a police report... then CPS?

[Kori Ellis]

First of all - take pictures right now and make sure there's a date/time stamp on the camera.

Then I would file a police report, and they will probably tell you to have her looked at by a doctor. And of course, call CPS.

Or you can just take her to the hospital right now and if you say it's suspected abuse, they will call the police to the hospital.

[Sense]

How old is the child? Does she say the dad hit her?

I was thinking of this too....

but if you want to file a report first, then I'm guessing she is claiming her dad hit her...

[marini martini]

Whuts up with the sis in law? Does she not have a say or signature involved in this???

[2centsworth]

How old is the child? Does she say the dad hit her?

she's 6 and yes.

[timvp]

Yeah, I'd switch up the order. Hospital first to start the paper trail. At the hospital, if they suspect abuse, they will ask the child what happened. The police report will then be next -- perhaps initiated by the hospital depending on what the child says.


ETA: Not sure of exact legalities but someone might have to go before a judge to get an emergency injunction to stop future visitation until situation is solved.

[Kori Ellis]

she's 6 and yes.

Take pictures right now and then take her to the hospital. From there, the police and CPS will get involved. The hospital will call the police and the police will give you info about CPS.

Just make sure to take pictures right now before the bruises fade away.

[MannyIsGod]

You need to get to the Hospital right now. The personal there will put everything into order including CPS and the police but you need to go right now.

BTW I'm sorry to hear about this Pete. You're very good people in my eyes and I'm sure you'll take care of your family in the right way. Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best.

[Sense]

Take pictures right now and then take her to the hospital. From there, the police and CPS will get involved. The hospital will call the police and the police will give you info about CPS.

Just make sure to take pictures right now before the bruises fade away.

yep, evidence is key... even if the child claims her dad hit her, the pictures will be enough to take custody away from the father... more than enough, not to mention the hospital's take on it.

[2centsworth]

thanks guys. headed over there right now to take pics, sister-n-law already called cops, so hopefully they're there when I arrive. Will take kid to the hospital right after.

[Kori Ellis]

Good luck ... and don't go crazy and beat up the guy no matter how much you want to do it.

[marini martini]

Pete you and your family will be in my heart & prayers. What a good stand up man you are! Here's hoping for the best for that precious child!

[Pistons < Spurs]

Lots and lots of pictures. Multiple angles and multiple light conditions. And like everyone has stated, the hospital is the first step. They'll put everything in motion form there.

And make sure someone really talks to your niece, explaining to her what's going to happen and why. It's probably alot for a 6 year old to be put through, whether it's for her best interests or not. Talking to lots of strangers about things she probably doesn't want to talk about too much. Plus the whole issue of her talking getting her father in trouble. Just make sure someone is there for her at all times.

[marini martini]

Lots and lots of pictures. Multiple angles and multiple light conditions. And like everyone has stated, the hospital is the first step. They'll put everything in motion form there.

And make sure someone really talks to your niece, explaining to her what's going to happen and why. It's probably alot for a 6 year old to be put through, whether it's for her best interests or not. Talking to lots of strangers about things she probably doesn't want to talk about too much. Plus the whole issue of her talking getting her father in trouble. Just make sure someone is there for her at all times.

WoW!!!! Well said!

[duncan228]

I'm glad you're there and aware and care. Too many children go through horror because someone looks the other way and doesn't get involved. I hope everything works out, most of all I hope the child is okay and kept from any more harm.

[Vinnie_Johnson]

Good luck keep that poor little girl away from that monster. You are doing the right thing by not just diving over and beating him.

[RashoFan]

And make sure someone really talks to your niece, explaining to her what's going to happen and why. It's probably alot for a 6 year old to be put through, whether it's for her best interests or not. Talking to lots of strangers about things she probably doesn't want to talk about too much. Plus the whole issue of her talking getting her father in trouble. Just make sure someone is there for her at all times.

Good point there Eric.

Pete,
If you need ANYTHING, let me know(BQ's take care of their own even after all these years). Your sister in law and neice are in good hands with you taking care of them in this situation. My thoughts and prayers for your family.

[Jekka]

I worked with a lot of child abuse cases with AmeriCorps - mostly sexual abuse, but I know that the forensic nurses look at nonsexual abuse cases as well. The nurses at Santa Rosa are awesome, and the child will be in very good hands. When you take a child to the hospital for abuse, they automatically summon the police and call CPS for you, so go to the hospital first and get it all done at once.

My experience was all at Santa Rosa since that is where all child sexual abuse cases are taken in SA and the surrounding area (nurses who do those exams have extensive special training and certifications, and there aren't very many of them) - I don't know if another hospital would refer you there for the evidence, etc., but you can always go there first and possibly save yourself a few hours in another waiting room. (edit: nevermind, just saw that you had already taken her somewhere, but I'll leave this info in case anyone else should unfortunately ever need it)

Best of luck to you - I saw way too many cases that got reported after the abuse had escalated way too far. She's lucky she's got you on her side.

[Jekka]

Good luck ... and don't go crazy and beat up the guy no matter how much you want to do it.

+1 - I've had to call the cops back to cases they'd already left before when parents and family have made verbal threats against a perpetrator, so be careful what you say and do.

[midgetonadonkey]

Hope everything is alright.

[E20]

Hope everything works out. Always fucked up when people fuck with defensless kids.

My advice: look at your avatar LMAO

[Brutalis]

My advice is take her to the hospital. Tell the doctor what's going on and if he can confirm. If so he will notify the proper authorities with/for you and the situation will be handled correctly.

Whatever you do DON'T fight the guy.

[2centsworth]

Update: When I arrived at the apartment the police were already there. Info that I was missing is that the incident occured on Friday and that CPS was already involved in the case. My niece had two large bruises in the shape of a belt. If you feel the need to spank a 6 year old girl sobeit, but using a weapon makes no sense to me. Nevertheless, the good news is she wasn't hurt as badly as I initially thought.

We will continue to follow through with the authorities and CPS to protect my niece.

I'm thankful to my Spurstalk Family for being there for me. The Ellis' have created a special place.

[BacktoBasics]

If she wasn't hurt as bad as you thought is there a chance that she was simply just spanked a little harder than expected? I know I recently left a mild bruise on the side of my boys leg because I snapped him in a little more boney area than usual.

I'm not trolling either.

Also. If you're gonna take pictures again down the road I'd not only use the date stamp but also get a few shots with a dated newspaper. Time stamps on cameras constantly fall under critizism. Futhermore I hope everythings ok and worked out.

[2centsworth]

If she wasn't hurt as bad as you thought is there a chance that she was simply just spanked a little harder than expected? I know I recently left a mild bruise on the side of my boys leg because I snapped him in a little more boney area than usual.

I'm not trolling either.

Also. If you're gonna take pictures again down the road I'd not only use the date stamp but also get a few shots with a dated newspaper. Time stamps on cameras constantly fall under critizism. Futhermore I hope everythings ok and worked out.

right now the argument from his side would be he hit her a little harder than expected. History tells me this guy is abusive, but getting the evidence has been the issue. He's on notice and the authorities are involved, so hopefully that deters him from hurting her in the future. If she comes back beat up again then we have a trackrecord.

I'm certainly taking precautions not to over reach, but at the same time look after my niece.

[BacktoBasics]

right now the argument from his side would be he hit her a little harder than expected. History tells me this guy is abusive, but getting the evidence has been the issue. He's on notice and the authorities are involved, so hopefully that deters him from hurting her in the future. If she comes back beat up again then we have a trackrecord.

I'm certainly taking precautions not to over reach, but at the same time look after my niece.
Those kind of situations would really make me uncomfortable because if this guy feels threatened by family, friends and the law he may take it out on the kiddo in ways other than a spanking. I would definitely make sure multiple family members stay in constant contact with her. You just never know when dudes with tempers decide to go overboard.

Are there any steps being taken as of right now to transfer custody of the child?

[mrsmaalox]

Now that CPS is involved is there a possibility of altering the visitation policy so that he can only have supervised visits? Or does that require some sort of petition to a court?

[mrsmaalox]

p.s. I'm glad you and your wife are there for them; they have been blessed to have you!

[FromWayDowntown]

First of all, I always think its praiseworthy to salute those who stand up for children and against the cowards who abuse children. It shouldn't have to be that way, but there are too many stories about adults who don't do that, and I think the good guys deserve their props.

I'd be curious how the custody arrangement was created. I think it a very wise first step to involve the authorities and to ensure that the child's health is cared for. Having done that, I would be thinking about legal processes to limit the father's custodial time with the child. It might cost some money and it may bring its own set of problems, but if there's proof that the father is abusing the child (and the documentation from last night will begin (and hopefully end) that process), it's perfectly valid to revisit custody from a legal standpoint. If the custody arrangement is created through a divorce decree, the trial court that signed the decree has continuing jurisdiction to revise the decree to change things like custody. If there is no mention of custody in the decree (or if there isn't any decree for some reason), either parent can seek to modify the custodial arrangement or to have a court declare the custodial rights of the parents. It will be harder to do, unfortunately, if there is only one incident and that incident could be understood to be a harder-than-normal spanking; but the welfare of the child should always been paramount and there are means of restricting custody that don't wholly eliminate the father's rights. It could be that the child could visit the father for a probationary period while requiring that the father always have another adult in the room or something creative like that. There are, I am sure, lesser sanctions than complete deprivation that will protect the child while respecting the father's rights (absent convincing proof of abuse) and any good family law attorney will know of an array of options that might prove to be useful in such a situation.

[leemajors]

Now that CPS is involved is there a possibility of altering the visitation policy so that he can only have supervised visits? Or does that require some sort of petition to a court?

that has to be court ordered.

[baseline bum]

Whether a parent wants to spank his child or not is his own (and only his own) choice IMO, but a belt to the neck? What kind of sicko would do that to a kid? I'm sorry to hear this loser got off with a warning.

EDIT: my bad, I misread back as neck. That's still pretty messed up to hit someone in the back with a belt.

[spurspf]

First of all, I always think its praiseworthy to salute those who stand up for children and against the cowards who abuse children. It shouldn't have to be that way, but there are too many stories about adults who don't do that, and I think the good guys deserve their props.

I'd be curious how the custody arrangement was created. I think it a very wise first step to involve the authorities and to ensure that the child's health is cared for. Having done that, I would be thinking about legal processes to limit the father's custodial time with the child. It might cost some money and it may bring its own set of problems, but if there's proof that the father is abusing the child (and the documentation from last night will begin (and hopefully end) that process), it's perfectly valid to revisit custody from a legal standpoint. If the custody arrangement is created through a divorce decree, the trial court that signed the decree has continuing jurisdiction to revise the decree to change things like custody. If there is no mention of custody in the decree (or if there isn't any decree for some reason), either parent can seek to modify the custodial arrangement or to have a court declare the custodial rights of the parents. It will be harder to do, unfortunately, if there is only one incident and that incident could be understood to be a harder-than-normal spanking; but the welfare of the child should always been paramount and there are means of restricting custody that don't wholly eliminate the father's rights. It could be that the child could visit the father for a probationary period while requiring that the father always have another adult in the room or something creative like that. There are, I am sure, lesser sanctions than complete deprivation that will protect the child while respecting the father's rights (absent convincing proof of abuse) and any good family law attorney will know of an array of options that might prove to be useful in such a situation.

+1. Do you all remember a case about a couple of years ago when the grandfather kept calling CPS, of course they did nothing. The kid died, and somehow the grandfather who tried to alert the authorities to the situation, was indicted too. The sad part, I think he got convicted. I guess he was the ham sandwich. The really really sad part. The kid died of starvation. The grandfather had called several times that the child was not being fed. How can anybody die of starvation in the good old U. S. of A?