Tim Duncan Forwards Story About Particle Accelerator To Spurs Teammates (The Onion)

[duncan228]

Tim Duncan Forwards Story About Particle Accelerator To Spurs Teammates (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_forwards_story?utm_source=onion_sports_ rss)

SAN ANTONIO—Spurs center Tim Duncan once again attempted to simultaneously bond with his teammates and enrich their lives on Tuesday when the two-time NBA MVP forwarded an article about the Large Hadron Collider, the world's largest particle accelerator, to each player on the Spurs. "I hope they found reading about the Large Hadron Collider experiment to recreate the first instants in the birth of our universe as engaging as I did," Duncan said, adding that if his teammates respond positively to the article, he would also send them a related article on quantum chromodynamics recently published in Scientific American. "It will be interesting to find out if they have similar theories about space, matter, and time." In the past three months, Duncan has reportedly forwarded articles on the evolution of the roseola virus, the technology of geothermal energy research, and caring for koi fish in a backyard pond.

http://i182.photobucket.com/albums/x282/duncan228/temp/onion.jpg

[Pero]

:lol

[mikekim]

Tim Duncan is a genius.

[Anti.Hero]

Where's the funny part/relation?

Just trying to say he is a nerd? but no funny.

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

Not as funny as the story of Tim Duncan lecturing fans about the importance of insurance at the 2007 Championship celebration.

What's really funny to me is that I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to hear of David Robinson actually doing this in real life.

[benefactor]

You're a dork Tim....but I love you anyway. :flag:

[duncan228]

Not as funny as the story of Tim Duncan lecturing fans about the importance of insurance at the 2007 Championship celebration.

Tim Duncan Delivers Heartfelt Speech On Fiscal Responsibility During Spurs Victory Celebration (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_delivers)

SAN ANTONIO—Following a Spurs Sunday victory parade during which Tim Duncan regaled the crowd with uncharacteristically exuberant exclamations of "Thank you very much" and "Please, there's no need to make so much noise," the normally reserved power forward expressed his appreciation for his fans by speaking at length on the importance of being financially prepared in an increasingly uncertain world. "I can't tell you how much I value your support except through telling you it's not really enough to keep a little money in savings for a rainy day, never independently contributing to your 401(k) or considering simple CDs or mutual-funds," a misty-eyed Duncan said, using charts he drew up earlier in the season to demonstrate debt-to- savings ratios to the 12,000 fans who crowded the River Walk. "Your greatest equity will of course be in your home, but even then, careful consideration is required before choosing between fixed- or variable-rate mortgages, especially for the greatest fans in the world." Fans who stayed for the 90-minute speech said it was even better than the emotional plea Duncan made during the Spurs' 2003 championship celebration, in which he urged revelers to make sure they purchased adequate life insurance.

[Brutalis]

I wouldn't doubt Tim actually did that.

[duncan228]

The Onion has done a lot on Duncan, this one is one was pretty funny.
Edit: :lol I had to add that famous 't'.

Tim Duncan Rooting For Cavaliers For Good Of NBA (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/tim_duncan_rooting_for_cavaliers)

SAN ANTONIO—San Antonio Spurs All-Star center Tim Duncan told reporters yesterday that he is rooting for the Cleveland Cavaliers to win this year's NBA Finals, stating that a Cavaliers victory is "exactly what the NBA needs right now."

"They're an exciting team, a breath of fresh air, and with the way this year's playoffs have gone, something interesting definitely needs to happen," said Duncan, adding that with the Cavaliers in the Finals people will "finally have a reason to watch [the NBA]." "Since the Western Conference immediately became dull when the Phoenix Suns were eliminated, the league has been gasping for a team that transcends basketball and appeals to the casual fan."

"Quite frankly, if the Cavs win, I really don't know who loses," Duncan added.

According to Duncan, one of the main reasons he wants the Cavaliers to win the championship is so that Cleveland small forward LeBron James has a chance to flourish in the national spotlight.

"LeBron has a certain magnetism a lot of other players don't have," Duncan said. "Not only is he the best player on his team, but he is also charismatic, which is rare. He's the only player I can think of that the league can market on a global scale, but the only way the NBA can do that is if Cleveland wins the title. Fingers crossed that they do."

Though Duncan said it would be optimal for James to hit a game-winning jumper in the closing seconds of Game 7 to win the championship, he stated it would be equally beneficial for the league if James simply dominates from the outset of Game 1, is given the opportunity to show off his tremendous athletic ability, and sends his opponents home early.

"No matter what, an NBA Finals that ends in a Cavaliers victory will be fun to watch," Duncan said. "Much more fun than a bunch of guys with no real personality playing good, fundamental basketball, which is basically the type of thing you can expect from mind-numbing teams like the Pistons and the Jazz."

"Most important," Duncan said, "the league needs a team that inspires kids to get out on the court, run up and down and take the ball to the basket—not a team that dumps it into their big man and lets him do all the work. That's why I didn't root for the Miami Heat last year."

"Go Cavs!" added Duncan, who then put on a LeBron James jersey and a Cavaliers cap.

Duncan isn't the only one in the Spurs organization openly rooting for the Cavaliers. Coach Greg Popovich, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, and team owner Peter Holt all agreed that a Cavaliers victory would be an excellent story for the league.

"The NBA has been looking for a premier team since Michael Jordan led the Bulls to six NBA championships," Popovich said. "Truthfully, I couldn't even tell you what teams have won NBA titles since."

In addition to current players and league officials, former players such as Dennis Rodman, Sean Elliott, and David Robinson have come out backing the Cavaliers. Even fans from cities other than Cleveland have voiced their support.

"To be honest, in the past couple of years I have watched more college basketball than the NBA," said San Antonio resident Derek Hill. "But there's something about the Cavaliers that gives me a reason to keep watching them, something that really draws me in. They're really a lot of, you know, what's the word… Fun."

[duncan228]

We've done Duncan Onion threads before, links if anyone's interested.

http://spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=88185

http://spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76821

http://spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=51920

http://spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=29556

[xtremesteven33]

he seems to be on a higher thinking level than any of the other players in the NBA.

not to be offensive but it seems like 90% of the NBA players are carbon copies of each other. they talk the same, act the same, dress the same, think the same....

Not Duncan, hes one in a million

[duncan228]

There's no doubt that Duncan is intelligent, you can see it on and off the court.

But we do all know The Onion is satire, right?

[Bender]

Where's the funny part/relation?
just a take off on supposedly being "boring" I guess. It was subtly humorous...

[Pero]

But we do all know The Onion is satire, right?

It doesn't seem like that. :lol

[Josh810]

There's no doubt that Duncan is intelligent, you can see it on and off the court.

But we do all know The Onion is satire, right?

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to figure out. Some people think this is real, it seems...

[duncan228]

For those that haven't seen it, a piece Duncan wrote in 1999 for Sport Magazine. He's always been brilliant. He even skipped 3rd grade. :lol

The Psychoanalysis of Tim Duncan -- By Tim Duncan

For this story, the good people over at Sport asked me to psychoanalyze myself. So as I lay here on my comfortable couch at home, I thought it was time that I reveal who the real Tim Duncan was. On second thought, I think it'd be safer to give you a slightly fictionalized version, that way you won't think I'm too goofy, thus keeping my "dull" image intact (remember, I'm often told, you can't do those Nike and Pro Edge Gel commercials if you get too weirded out).

Ok, here goes: I've got a million things going on in my head at all times. There I said it. If you ever see me and think I'm being standoffish, please forgive me. I am just trying to listen to the inner voice that tortures me so. Just kidding. Seriously, in these moments, I am doing nothing but thinking. Sometimes thinking about nothing.

That is why I am a quiet person by nature. After all, it is difficult to think while talking, and close friends of mine will readily attest to that fact. But back to the psychoanalysis at hand, thats why I love being quiet because I just love to think. I took up psychology in college at Wake Forest for that very reason. I'm not planning on opening up a practice anytime soon (although if this lockout lasts much longer it may not be too bad of an idea); I just love the inner workings of the mind. I was able to learn how people think and I really liked that. I was always interested in how people were feeling, how people would react to different things, what you could do to make them react in certain ways.

Sometimes I think I think way too much. If I let myself go unrestrained, I can easily overanalyze things. I can overthink things when things are happening good or bad. I can make it more than it is or I can make it less than it is, and sometimes its best just to leave it as it is.

Over the years, I've learned I actually like viewing pressure situations comically so that they don't stress me out. AJ (Avery Johnson, to those lost souls that don't follow the Spurs closely) likes to tell a story all the time about how we were involved in a close game. He missed two or three lay-ups in a row and was starting to stress out. I just came over and asked him something out of the blue, something like, "What kind of music do you like to listen to?" He just looked at me real funny, like "What the heck are you talking about? Why isn't your mind on the game?" Then he looked at me, and I think he understood what I was saying. "It's not a big deal. It happened. It's gone. We can't change it now. Think about something else." He always tells people about that and laughs it off.

Right now, everything I am writing has a big restrainer on it. I do this for your sake. If I write everything down that I am thinking, then you make all think I have lost it.

You ever see the movie Good Will Hunting starring Matt Damon? That's probably the best way to get a true psychoanalytical picture of me. I am just a taller, slightly less hyperactive version of the Damon character in that movie. I just enjoyed how he probed people and found out their weaknesses, what they liked and didnt like, just by asking questions and saying outlandish random stuff, just to get a reaction. People expect me to be this shy, quiet type, so I'll ask them outlandish questions in a serious tone many times just to get a reaction. When people asked me when the lockout would end, I would whisper "February 10... but don't tell anybody." I just do goofy stuff like that simply to get a reaction. Life is too short to be serious all of the time. Not only that, but some of your best pranks can come when others think you are serious.

I try to take this mentally probing attitude on the court with me at all times. People in college thought I was lackadaisical because I didn't show emotion. They thought I was soft because I didn't yell with every rebound. Emotions must not always be shown, if you show excitement, then you may also show disappointment or frustration. If your opponent picks up on this frustration, you are at a disadvantage. I made sure my opponents didn't know what was going on in my head, I guess thats why the fans never knew either. Basketball is like a chess game, you cannot reveal all that you are thinking or you will be at a sizeable disadvantage to your opponent.

Basketball to some players is mainly a physical event, to me it is both physical and mental. You must not only conquer your opponents physically, you must also beat them mentally. You must at times out think them. I have to use my shot fakes and things that will work for me. In order to beat my opponent, I have to make basketball become a thinking mans game. I might take a jump shot this time, so that the next time, my opponent is looking for another jump shot. That's where I then pump-fake him in the air and go around him to the basket where I use my incredible hops, jump over everyone and do a 360 slam dunk! (Sorry, got caught up in the moment, I meant I take one dribble and shoot a jump shot, although the 360 does sound cooler).

Have you ever noticed that some people while playing always seem to hit themselves in the same place? Whether it is they bang knees often, or they always seem to get hit in the head. Unfortunately, I have one of these problems, only I wish it were the knee or the head. Lucky me, it is a place in the middle of these two, that only males have, got it yet? Yes I get hit often in the gonads.

I don't know why I have this propensity, I just do. That is my major area of weakness. I don't know how this happens, I don't know why this happens, all I know is how frequently this seems to happen. It seems that nobody gets hit in the "groin", as many tend to call it, on a basketball court more than me. Opponents have hit me in games. Teammates have hit me in practice. Teammates, believe it or not, have even got me during games against other opponents. Everybody but the referee and the mascot have got me at some point or another (and if you see me retiring early, it'll probably be because one of the aforementioned finally got me). The amazing thing is that nobody has got me twice, with the exception of David, who seems to get me all the time. I don't know if its his arm length or what, but he sure does seem to have a knack at crippling me in that way. Everyone else in the league is pretty random. Whoever gets me gets me. I'm going to have to be the first NBA player to regularly wear a cup if this continues to happen.

When not writhing in pain, people tell me I look pretty nimble on the basketball court. One reporter called me the Man of Many Moves, saying I had the best footwork of any NBA big man. He then asked if this was because I was a good dancer. I hated to disillusion the man, but I actually suck at dancing. I don't know why I can't, I just know that I can't. In basketball, I learned progression of moves just by doing different things. He said dancing was the same thing, but I sure don't see it that way.

Then I started to think of what the reporter had asked. I enjoyed the Man of Many Moves name, which he had administered to me. However, I feel this reporter may have been a little remiss. I hate to tell him, but I am no big man. This is merely where they believe I should play because I am tall. I am really a point guard; I'm just a little bigger than everyone else is.

I'm sure that right now you are all thinking that I must be crazy. But, I assure you, I am normal, I told you I just am always thinking, sometimes about really crazy random things. But in all seriousness, it really should be difficult for me to be too strange. After all, a great family raised me. I had great friends, support and teaching at Wake Forest. I came to a first-class organization in the Spurs family. My best friend from college, Marc Scott, is my business manager, handling my day-to-day operations. And my agent is an attorney by the name of Lon Babby, who also represents players such as Grant Hill and Nikki McCray. I have the loving support of my girlfriend who still attends Wake Forest and is nearing graduation. She helps me cope with the everyday rigors of being an NBA player.

I'm surrounded by nothing but great people. I've been blessed with that, so really, I've got no choice but to be an all-around good person.

At this point, if I were to psychoanalyze myself, I'd have to say I am a clown, cleverly disguised as a regular person. I enjoy jokes, smiling, and making people smile. I may be a little different, but that's OK, who wants to be normal anyway?

In fact, it's this "different" nature that will probably fuel my next endeavor, a clothing line bearing a new style for the new millenium. Its called Ultimate Rejects wear. Back at Wake Forest, I had a penchant (and still do to this day) of cutting off the sleeves of all my T-shirts and wearing my shorts backwards. I guess I've always wanted to be an original. One of my former coaches in college, Jerry Wainwright, came up with the name. One day at Wake, we were just messing around, cutting my sleeves off everything when he came up with this brilliant idea. He thought we should start a line of clothes where you don't really know what you're gonna get when you buy it. You know a clothing line with surprise blemishes. You might, for instance, buy a pair of pants, and have one long leg and one short leg. Or you might buy another pair that turned pink after you washed it one time. Perhaps another time, you would notice nothing wrong with your pants until you took them off and discovered it dyed your skin purple.

We will have Ultimate Rejects wear in finer clothing stores any day now. We're still waiting for a patent to come through on our SuperShrinker solution that will actually shrink the clothes down eight sizes so that you're only able to wear them once. It might not be user-friendly, but at least it'll keep you coming back for more.

You see, in order to overcome my dull image, I've figured out that I've got to start doing everything the way everybody else does. You know, "Be Like Mike" as our culture says. Michael Jordan rules our sports universe, so I've to start adapting, so everyone can see just how exciting and eccentric I can be. Now do you see where I'm coming from? Michael has a clothing line (Brand Jordan), thus I will have a clothing line (Ultimate Rejects, maybe Nike will buy into it also). I'm still working on a special shoe (Another hint to Nike), aromatic cologne and a restaurant bearing my name, believe me I'm trying (OK, I'm not trying hard, OK, not at all, but maybe one day).

All right, time's up. Now you know who I am or maybe you don't, you figure it out.

[Fernando TD21]

For those that haven't seen it, a piece Duncan wrote in 1999 for Sport Magazine. He's always been brilliant. He even skipped 3rd grade. :lol

Oh, and for anyone that doesn't know a lot about Duncan and has any questions, I'm always available for tutorials. :)

The Psychoanalysis of Tim Duncan -- By Tim Duncan

For this story, the good people over at Sport asked me to psychoanalyze myself. So as I lay here on my comfortable couch at home, I thought it was time that I reveal who the real Tim Duncan was. On second thought, t think itd be safer to give you a slightly fictionalized versionthat way you won't think I'm too goofy, thus keeping my "dull" image intact (remember, I'm often told, you cant do those Nike and Pro Edge Gel commercial if you get too weirded out).

Ok, here goes: I've got a million things going on in my head at all times. There I said it. If you ever see me and think I'm being standoffish, please forgive me. I am just trying to listen to the inner voice that tortures me so.Just kidding. Seriously, in these moments, I am doing nothing but thinking. Sometimes thinking about nothing.

That is why I am a quiet person by nature. After all, it is difficult to think while talking, and close friends of mine will readily attest to that fact. But back to the psychoanalysis at hand, thats why I love being quietbecause I just love to think. I took up psychology in college at Wake forest for that very reason. Im not planning on opening up a practice anytime soon (although if this lockout lasts much longer it may not be too bad of an idea); I just love the inner workings of the mind. I was able to learn how people think and I really liked that. I was always interested in how people were feeling, how people would react to different thingswhat you could do to make them react in certain ways.

Sometimes I think I think way too much. If I let myself go unrestrained, I can easily overanalyze things. I can overthink things when things are happening good or bad. I can make It more than it is or I can make it less than it is, and sometimes its best just to leave it as it is.

Over the years, I've learned I actually like viewing pressure situations comically so that they don't stress me out. AJ (Avery Johnson, to those lost souls that don't follow the Spurs closely) likes to tell a story all the time about how we were involved in a close game. He missed two or three lay-ups in a row and was starting to stress out. I just came over and asked him something out of the bluesomething like, "What kind of music do you like to listen to?" He just looked at me real funny, like "What the heck are you talking about? Why isn't your mind on the game?" Then he looked at me, and I think he understood what I was saying. "Its not a big deal. It happened. Its gone. We can't change it now. Think about something else." He always tells people about that and laughs it off.

Right now, everything I am writing has a big restrainer on it. I do this for your sake. If I write everything down that I am thinking, then you make all think I have lost it.

You ever see the movie Good Will Hunting starring Matt Damon? Thats probably the best way to get a true psychoanalytical picture of me. I am just a taller, slightly less hyperactive version of the Damon character in that movie. I just enjoyed how he probed people and found out their weaknesseswhat they liked and didnt likejust by asking questions and saying outlandish random stuff, just to get a reaction. People expect me to be this shy, quiet type, so Ill ask them outlandish questions in a serious tone many times just to get a reaction. When people asked me when the lockout would end, I would whisper "February 10... but dont tell anybody." I just do goofy stuff like that simply to get a reaction. Life is too short to be serious all of the time. Not only that, but some of your best pranks can come when others think you are serious.

Great article.:toast

[BWS-1994]

Has there been any discussion between TD and Phil Jackson?

[rAm]

Has there been any discussion between TD and Phil Jackson?

No. They have never talked. Ever.

[balli]

For those that haven't seen it, a piece Duncan wrote in 1999 for Sport Magazine.

I've never seen that. Pretty good. You know I don't like TD much (finally, I'll admit it, jealousy leading to resentment) but that was great. Not too many mega-superstar athletes besides Gilbert and his ghostwriter would open up like that; so even though it was written back in the 90's it was refreshing.

[duncan228]

I've never seen that. Pretty good. You know I don't like TD much (finally, I'll admit it, jealousy leading to resentment) but that was great. Not too many mega-superstar athletes besides Gilbert and his ghostwriter would open up like that; so even though it was written back in the 90's it was refreshing.

It is a nice piece. He was just starting, it's from his second year. I don't think we'll ever get that kind of thing from him again. He rarely updates the diary section of his site, and there's debate about whether he even writes those entries. I'd love to see him let us in more. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll write an autobiography after he retires. (Right. :flypig)

And yeah, I know you're not a big Duncan fan. I'm glad you liked the piece. :)

[ShoogarBear]

There's no doubt that Duncan is intelligent, you can see it on and off the court.

But we do all know The Onion is satire, right?

Clearly not. :lmao :lmao :lmao




Actually, if one thing is evident, it's that the staff of the Onion really like Duncan.

[duncan228]

Actually, if one thing is evident, it's that the staff of the Onion really like Duncan.

They've got good taste. :)

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

Some more.......



Tim Duncan Offers To Do Taxes For Entire Spurs Team
April 10, 2008 | | Onion Sports

SAN ANTONIO—As the playoffs grow nearer, Spurs center Tim Duncan has taken it on himself to ensure his team is focused, relaxed, and utterly prepared for tax day by offering to complete their state and federal forms himself. "C'mon, guys, just a couple days left in the regular season, and you know what that means—get your W-2s to me as soon as you can, plus records of any memorabilia sales or shoe endorsements you've done, and just as important, tell me about any deductible expenses you've incurred," Duncan told him teammates during a time-out with 3:40 left to play in the Spurs' 72-65 win over the Trailblazers Sunday. "Tony, I bet you put all your receipts in a shoebox again, didn't you? Manu, tell me if you've been sending more than 37 percent of your income overseas, because that's a whole different set of declaration forms I have to print out. Okay, got it? Break!" Duncan later disclosed to reporters that he paid over $865,000 in late-filing fees for the 2007 Spurs.











Tim Duncan Sends Belated 'Great Game' Card To Celtics For February DefeatTim March 6, 2008 | | Onion Sports

SAN ANTONIO—Weeks after the Spurs 98-90 loss to the Celtics on Feb. 10, power forward Tim Duncan sent personalized notes to each player on the Celtics roster, the entire coaching staff, the general manager, and owner, congratulating them for a "great game." "This would have gotten to you sooner if I had sent one card to the entire organization, but I felt that would diminish everyone's individual accomplishments," said Duncan, who sealed the envelopes with his personal crest embossed in wax. "I just wanted to let them know how much I appreciated everyone from the players to the front office. The Celtics did a splendid job, and I'm really proud of them." Although Duncan said he was conflicted as whether to write the notes using a pen or brush, he finally decided to use his favorite, a quill dipped in sable India ink, a time-consuming penmanship method that Duncan feels looks best on his heavy handmade paper.

[duncan228]

Some more.......

:lol They sure have a good time messing with his "boring" personality. Thanks for posting them.

[wijayas]

Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll write an autobiography after he retires. (Right. :flypig)

Anybody knows if D Rob is working on his biography?

[Manufan909]

I can't belive he wrote sixteen letters to the Celtics, I can barely right one for a relative!!!
:tu

[ChuckD]

I wonder how many of his teammates actually get a message out of reading what Duncan sent them. Seems like Duncan is thinking on a much higher wave length then your typical athlete. I dont know much about Duncan, but if this is the stuff that gets him going, then I understand why he has little to say to the media.


There's no doubt that Duncan is intelligent, you can see it on and off the court.

But we do all know The Onion is satire, right?

Apparently not ALL of us know that...

[balli]

I can't belive he wrote sixteen letters to the Celtics, I can barely right one for a relative!!!
:tu

You poor SOB.

[TDfan2007]

For those that haven't seen it, a piece Duncan wrote in 1999 for Sport Magazine. He's always been brilliant. He even skipped 3rd grade. :lol

Oh, and for anyone that doesn't know a lot about Duncan and has any questions, I'm always available for tutorials. :)

The Psychoanalysis of Tim Duncan -- By Tim Duncan

For this story, the good people over at Sport asked me to psychoanalyze myself. So as I lay here on my comfortable couch at home, I thought it was time that I reveal who the real Tim Duncan was. On second thought, t think itd be safer to give you a slightly fictionalized version, that way you won't think I'm too goofy, thus keeping my "dull" image intact (remember, I'm often told, you can't do those Nike and Pro Edge Gel commercials if you get too weirded out).

Ok, here goes: I've got a million things going on in my head at all times. There I said it. If you ever see me and think I'm being standoffish, please forgive me. I am just trying to listen to the inner voice that tortures me so. Just kidding. Seriously, in these moments, I am doing nothing but thinking. Sometimes thinking about nothing.

That is why I am a quiet person by nature. After all, it is difficult to think while talking, and close friends of mine will readily attest to that fact. But back to the psychoanalysis at hand, thats why I love being quiet because I just love to think. I took up psychology in college at Wake Forest for that very reason. Im not planning on opening up a practice anytime soon (although if this lockout lasts much longer it may not be too bad of an idea); I just love the inner workings of the mind. I was able to learn how people think and I really liked that. I was always interested in how people were feeling, how people would react to different things, what you could do to make them react in certain ways.

Sometimes I think I think way too much. If I let myself go unrestrained, I can easily overanalyze things. I can overthink things when things are happening good or bad. I can make it more than it is or I can make it less than it is, and sometimes its best just to leave it as it is.

Over the years, I've learned I actually like viewing pressure situations comically so that they don't stress me out. AJ (Avery Johnson, to those lost souls that don't follow the Spurs closely) likes to tell a story all the time about how we were involved in a close game. He missed two or three lay-ups in a row and was starting to stress out. I just came over and asked him something out of the blue, something like, "What kind of music do you like to listen to?" He just looked at me real funny, like "What the heck are you talking about? Why isn't your mind on the game?" Then he looked at me, and I think he understood what I was saying. "Its not a big deal. It happened. Its gone. We can't change it now. Think about something else." He always tells people about that and laughs it off.

Right now, everything I am writing has a big restrainer on it. I do this for your sake. If I write everything down that I am thinking, then you make all think I have lost it.

You ever see the movie Good Will Hunting starring Matt Damon? Thats probably the best way to get a true psychoanalytical picture of me. I am just a taller, slightly less hyperactive version of the Damon character in that movie. I just enjoyed how he probed people and found out their weaknesses, what they liked and didnt like, just by asking questions and saying outlandish random stuff, just to get a reaction. People expect me to be this shy, quiet type, so Ill ask them outlandish questions in a serious tone many times just to get a reaction. When people asked me when the lockout would end, I would whisper "February 10... but don't tell anybody." I just do goofy stuff like that simply to get a reaction. Life is too short to be serious all of the time. Not only that, but some of your best pranks can come when others think you are serious.

I try to take this mentally probing attitude on the court with me at all times. People in college thought I was lackadaisical because I didnt show emotion. They thought I was soft because I didn't yell with every rebound. Emotions must not always be shown, if you show excitement, then you may also show disappointment or frustration. If your opponent picks up on this frustration, you are at a disadvantage. I made sure my opponents didn't know what was going on in my head, I guess thats why the fans never knew either. Basketball is like a chess game, you cannot reveal all that you are thinking or you will be at a sizeable disadvantage to your opponent.

Basketball to some players is mainly a physical event, to me it is both physical and mental. You must not only conquer your opponents physically, you must also beat them mentally. You must at times out think them. I have to use my shot fakes and things that will work for me. In order to beat my opponent, I have to make basketball become a thinking mans game. I might take a jump shot this time, so that the next time, my opponent is looking for another jump shot. Thats where I then pump-fake him in the air and go around him to the basket where I use my incredible hops, jump over everyone and do a 360 slam dunk! (Sorry, got caught up in the moment, I meant I take one dribble and shoot a jump shot, although the 360 does sound cooler)

Have you ever noticed that some people while playing always seem to hit themselves in the same place? Whether it is they bang knees often, or they always seem to get hit in the head. Unfortunately, I have one of these problems, only I wish it were the knee or the head. Lucky me, it is a place in the middle of these two, that only males have, got it yet? Yes I get hit often in the gonads.

I don't know why I have this propensity, I just do. That is my major area of weakness. I dont know how this happens, I don't know why this happens, all I know is how frequently this seems to happen. It seems that nobody gets hit in the "groin", as many tend to call it, on a basketball court more than me. Opponents have hit me in games. Teammates have hit me in practice. Teammates, believe it or not, have even got me during games against other opponents. Everybody but the referee and the mascot have got me at some point or another (and if you see me retiring early, it'll probably be because one of the aforementioned finally got me). The amazing thing is that nobody has got me twice, with the exception of David, who seems to get me all the time. I don't know if its his arm length or what, but he sure does seem to have a knack at crippling me in that way. Everyone else in the league is pretty random. Whoever gets me gets me. I'm going to have to be the first NBA player to regularly wear a cup if this continues to happen.

When not writhing in pain, people tell me I look pretty nimble on the basketball court. One reporter called me the Man of Many Moves, saying I had the best footwork of any NBA big man. He then asked if this was because I was a good dancer. I hated to disillusion the man, but I actually suck at dancing. I don't know why I can't, I just know that I can't. In basketball, I learned progression of moves just by doing different things. He said dancing was the same thing, but I sure don't see it that way.

Then I started to think of what the reporter had asked. I enjoyed the Man of Many Moves name, which he had administered to me. However, I feel this reporter may have been a little remiss. I hate to tell him, but I am no big man. This is merely where they believe I should play because I am tall. I am really a point guard; I'm just a little bigger than everyone else is.

I'm sure that right now you are all thinking that I must be crazy. But, I assure you, I am normal, I told you I just am always thinking, sometimes about really crazy random things. But in all seriousness, it really should be difficult for me to be too strange. After all, a great family raised me. I had great friends, support and teaching at Wake Forest. I came to a first-class organization in the Spurs family. My best friend from college, Marc Scott, is my business manager, handling my day-to-day operations. And my agent is an attorney by the name of Lon Babby, who also represents players such as Grant Hill and Nikki McCray. I have the loving support of my girlfriend who still attends Wake Forest and is nearing graduation. She helps me cope with the everyday rigors of being an NBA player.

I'm surrounded by nothing but great people. Ive been blessed with that, so really, I've got no choice but to be an all-around good person.

At this point, if I were to psychoanalyze myself, I'd have to say I am a clown, cleverly disguised as a regular person. I enjoy jokes, smiling, and making people smile. I may be a little different, but that's OK, who wants to be normal anyway?

In fact, it's this "different" nature that will probably fuel my next endeavor, a clothing line bearing a new style for the new millenium. Its called Ultimate Rejects wear. Back at Wake Forest, I had a penchant (and still do to this day) of cutting off the sleeves of all my T-shirts and wearing my shorts backwards. I guess I've always wanted to be an original. One of my former coaches in college, Jerry Wainwright, came up with the name. One day at Wake, we were just messing around, cutting my sleeves off everything when he came up with this brilliant idea. He thought we should start a line of clothes where you don't really know what you're gonna get when you buy it. You know a clothing line with surprise blemishes. You might, for instance, buy a pair of pants, and have one long leg and one short leg. Or you might buy another pair that turned pink after you washed it one time. Perhaps another time, you would notice nothing wrong with your pants until you took them off and discovered it dyed your skin purple.

We will have Ultimate Rejects wear in finer clothing stores any day now. We're still waiting for a patent to come through on our SuperShrinker solution that will actually shrink the clothes down eight sizes so that you're only able to wear them once. It might not be user-friendly, but at least it'll keep you coming back for more.

You see, in order to overcome my dull image, I've figured out that I've got to start doing everything the way everybody else does. You know, "Be Like Mike" as our culture says. Michael Jordan rules our sports universe, so I've to start adapting, so everyone can see just how exciting and eccentric I can be. Now do you see where I'm coming from? Michael has a clothing line (Brand Jordan), thus I will have a clothing line (Ultimate Rejects, maybe Nike will buy into it also). I'm still working on a special shoe (Another hint to Nike), aromatic cologne and a restaurant bearing my name, believe me I'm trying (OK, I'm not trying hard, OK, not at all, but maybe one day).

All right, time's up. Now you know who I am or maybe you don't, you figure it out.

This article basically sums up why Tim is my favorite ballplayer ever. Great find duncan228!