In Honor of My Grandma

[Kori Ellis]

Every year on September 20th, the anniversary of my grandma's death, I was always get really sad. It's probably my only real sad day of the year. I have a very happy life, blessed with a wonderful husband. But this day - it always gets to me. And it always seems some small misfortune happens on this day each year, compounding my sadness.

Well today, I decided to embrace September 20th and commemorate my grandma's life rather than getting that sad. (Though I'm not sure if it's working since I'm crying now.)

When I was a baby, shortly after I was born, I moved to live with my grandparents. My mom was kind of a misfit (well, more than a misfit, she later ended up in prison for 20 years), and my grandparents took over as my parents. Living in a small house on 23rd Avenue in Phoenix, my grandfather, who worked for Levitz furniture and my great uncle (my grandma's brother) who worked at Reynold's Alumninum lived with us too, along with my older sister. But this was definitely my grandma's house.

She did other people's laundry and ironing to make extra money to give us a good life. And though we weren't rich, we were definitely spoiled. When I was five years old, I had to go the hospital for surgery and stay for 3 days. My grandma (who I called MeMe) and I made a pact that if I didn't cry at the hospital that I could get a pet of my own when I returned home. I toughed it out with MeMe sleeping in the chair next to the hospital bed for days and when I returned home, I asked for a pet - a monkey.

Most parents or grandparents would have scoffed at the thought of buying a kid a monkey. Not my grandma. We found an exotic pet store on the other side of town where we ventured to find Sami - my new cotton top marmoset.

I was a very smart kid (whether you believe it or not :)) and when I was in first grade, I had the opportunity to move to second grade half way through the year. My grandma met with the school and we decided that I was mature enough to make the leap. At the end of that year, the school wanted me to move onto to fourth grade - skipping third entirely after just having a few months of second grade. My grandma nixed the idea, citing that I would be so much younger than the other kids that it would be bad for me. Looking back, I agree. It doesn't mean she wanted me to stop learning though. We spent countless hours at the bookstore, library and museums.

The next year, a lot changed. When I was in third grade, my grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer. I was only 7 at the time, I didn't really get it but I knew she was sick. I went to my school librarian, Mrs. Teders, and told her I needed to learn about cancer. Mrs. Teders and I were friends as I had spent considerable time at the library. Whether she called my family or not, I don't know, but she did allow me to read some books to try to learn about what my family was dealing with.

After my research, I went to my grandma one day as she sat in our living room, breathing on an oxygen machine. I asked her simply, "Are you going to die soon?" She thought for just a second and she answered quietly and honestly, "Yes, probably." I'm not sure that I ever cried so hard before, actually I'm not sure that I ever cried so hard since. I asked her who would take care of me ... more importantly, who would teach me!

You see, even though I was only 7, my grandma had already spent a considerable amount of time teaching me.

I learned to cook by standing on a chair in her kitchen watching her - and for this my husband and everyone who has ever been to a GTG at our house should thank her.

I learned to love sports by sitting on her lap in a giant easy chair watching her favorite Pittsburgh Pirates.

I learned to love travel by driving cross country from Arizona to Florida to Pennsylvania and back again on summer vacation.

I learned about respect and discipline. I learned about caring for animals and people. And I learned a whole hell of a lot about love.

The next year or so was rough in our house. MeMe was in and out of the hospital time and time again. Sometimes they would tell us the dark spots on her lungs were improving - other times they would say that death was emminent. I remember the hospital didn't allow children in at one point during a quarantine, so my grandfather snuck my sister and I in anyway, just so we could see my grandma for a few minutes.

As I started 4th grade, I knew it would be much longer. My grandma was back in the hospital again and I knew it wasn't good. I visited her a couple times and I knew the end was coming. Then one day I was sitting on the floor in the living room at home, my uncle came in the door and said that he had just left the hospital and the doctors had said my grandma could come home soon. She seemed to be improving. Hmm... maybe it wasn't time yet - I thought.

Within just a few minutes, the phone rang and my aunt answered. My grandma was gone.

I don't remember much of what happened next, I remember a lot of people crying, screaming and dropping to the floor. I sat watching TV, being strong and didn't cry. Oh I cried many days since, but not that day. My grandma was on her way to heaven. She was going to finally be at peace and pain-free. She had explained the importance of me being strong when she was gone and assured me that she'd watch over me forever. I knew she would.

Now today many decades later, I sit a my computer and reflect on my grandma's life, death and lessons. I just wanted to take time out to give her some thanks for teaching me just about everything I needed to know in life by the time I was 8. And I wanted to share with all of you the story of her impact on my life.

Thanks MeMe.

Love,

Kori

[BacktoBasics]

Thanks for sharing. Sometimes just reading about fortunes/misfortunes of other peoples lives help you appreciate your own a little more.

[tlongII]

She sounds like a great lady Kori. I'm glad you had her in your life! :)

[1Parker1]

Thanks Kori. Reading things like this, really puts a perspective on your own life. She sounds like a great human being.

[duncan228]

MeMe sounds like a wonderful woman, and she reminds me of someone. You.

The qualities that you loved in MeMe are all obviously evident in you. She taught you to love and to appreciate being loved. She taught you how to learn, and the importance of always doing so. She taught you the everyday basics of living, and she did it in the best way possible, by showing you and doing things with you.

Those of us on ST can see and feel all of these things from you, even if we've never actually met you. I'm glad you had such a loving, strong woman in your life when you needed it most. You could have easily gone down a different path, it sounds like your mom could have been a bad example for a young girl.

I'm sorry the day brings sadness for you, but it sounds like it also lets your love for MeMe shine through a little brighter. I'm sure she's in you always, today you can feel that even more. I hope the sharp edge of the pain dulls so that on future September 20th's you will wake up only in the soft glow of her love.

You're an amazing woman, today we got to see part of how that happened. Thanks for sharing MeMe with us Kori.

[Evan]

This little world could use a few more MeMe's.

[Slydragon]

She got you a monkey, that's so cool. I miss my grandma too, kinda of odd the room I stay in now was her room and is the room she pass away in. I got her portrait tattoo on my arm along with my cousin and the words angels under.

But she got you the freakin monkey, I'm so jelly.

[Kori Ellis]

Thanks everyone. :( :)

[MannyIsGod]

In before the Kori had Manny as a pet jokes.

Cool story, Kori.

[Slydragon]

You know the monkey totally explains why you married timvp

[Jekka]

Thanks for sharing that, Kori - I'm glad that you're making September 20th more of a day of remembrance than sadness. Loss like that never loses its effect, but you can change the way you look at it. Were I not able to do that with my grandfather's death a few years ago it would have been even harder.

And I am indeed thankful to your MeMe for teaching you how to cook :)

[KEDA]

Good story Kori, sounds like your grandma was an amazing woman. Im glad to know your cooking prowess came from her! Props to grandmas cooking!

[T Park]

Thanks for the story Kori.

My grandmother is currently in the very late stages of Alzheimer’s
so I understand what its like to slowly lose a grandmother.

GB.

[boutons_]

Kori is a 4-letter word, IN SOLID GOLD! :)

[Blake]

I need to go take my daughter to see my 95 year old grandmother more often than we do. I don't want to look back with regret.

thanks for the story, Kori......(and might I add it was extremely well written)

[Chief]

thanks for sharing Kori, I am sorry for your loss but am happy that you are remembering her life in a positive way.

not to take anything away from your story but My fiance went through the same thing, she lost her parents at a very young age and was raised by her grandparents. Her grandma was like a mother to her like yours was to you, she lost her grandma to Cancer as well.

R.I.P. MeMe

[Kori Ellis]

Slydragon - my monkey looked like this:

http://www.elmwoodparkzoo.org/animals/animalProfiles/mammals/images/tamerin1.jpg

I taught him how to swim in my pool :lol and walked him on a leash on the sidewalk. He unfortunately died a few months before my grandma due to hereditary stomach disorder. So I only had him 3 years, but it was a lot of fun.


I need to go take my daughter to see my 95 year old grandmother more often than we do. I don't want to look back with regret.

thanks for the story, Kori......(and might I add it was extremely well written)

Yes, do take your daughter. Oh and it's not that well written - there are plenty of run-on sentences and some typos. But I wrote it straight from the heart and didn't feel like editing was the thing to do. :)

[T Park]

Wow that monkey looks like he would be alot of fun.

Did you have him potty trained?

[Kori Ellis]

Wow that monkey looks like he would be alot of fun.

Did you have him potty trained?

These types of monkey are only about 9 inches tall. He lived primarily in a 5 foot cage in our family room where he would go to the bathroom on his newspaper.

When he came out, we could let him run around the house freely as long as the dog was in the backyard, or I could walk him on a leash around the neighborhood. They usually live until they are about 12 years old. I got mine when he was 3 and he unfortunately only made it another 3 years.

I am pretty sure they are illegal now to keep as pets, unless you have sort of exotic animal license.

[Evan]

Always a little envious at such stories. Never knew my grandma much except she always had cookies for me and my grandpa who I knew very well was a mean b.a.s.t.a.r.d

Asshole called me once when I was a kid just to tell me there was no santa clause...hahah...that was the sole purpose of the phone call!

cracks me up just thinking about it.

[Solid D]

Kori, what a great thing it is to have an example like your grandmother and your story emphasizes the importance of spending time with our children and teaching them good values.

[mavs>spurs2]

I don't know why but that story gave me chills, you can really feel how much emotion you put into it. Great story

[ATRAIN]

Kori, great story!! Getting old sucks but its something we all go through and with that we lose those we love along the way. A year and a half ago I lost a cousin, grandfather (the only one I have ever really known, and he was my dad's stepdad but he loved us all as his own. He was a great man and I miss him everyday of my life), and my closest uncle to a very shocking heart attack. During my grandfather's funeral my grandmother on the other side of the family had a stroke and she has been in bad shape since. She has her good days and bad days and being in her 90's we have to come to terms that we are in her final days. As selfish as we have been we want her with us forever but we know that can't be. I know sometimes it feels like just yesterday they were here even though time has passed but that doesn't make it any easier. You seem like a very strong person and individual and I know that has to do with how your grandmother raised you. Never forget that and always remember how much she loved you and how much you loved her. Hope every 9-20 is a good day for you and your family Kori.

[tlongII]

I'm curious...


Do you still stand on a chair when you cook?

[ShoogarBear]

Nice story, Kori. (Hey, it rhymes!)

Thanks for sharing.


I'm curious...


Do you still stand on a chair when you cook?

You're confusing her with another poster around here.

[RashoFan]

:lol Should have know Shoog would make a reference to a certain poster...

Kori,
Thanks for sharing with us what a wonderful person your grandmother was. You are blessed to have somone like her to be a part of your life. Today is a day to honour her life and I would like to make an "etoast".
To MeMe! :toast

[JudynTX]

Thanks for sharing that special story with us, Kori. :)

[MaNuMaNiAc]

Sounds like she was an exceedingly cool lady Kori. I'm glad you decided to take this day to celebrate her life and not feel sad that she's gone but grateful that you had her in your life.

[Brutalis]

That was a nice story. I've lost a friend, and been through a lot at 23 years old but one thing I haven't been through is a death of a close family member. I wonder if it'll change me, or what I will do.

[samikeyp]

That was sweet Kori. As someone who also had a grandmother who was a great influence in their life, :toast to you both.

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

That was a really nice story, Kori. Almost brought me to a tear.

:tu to embracing the day.

[angel_luv]

Kori-

Just yesterday I attended the funeral of a woman whom I lived with for three years- someone who provided me with a home and her friendship when I was in desparate need of it.

I say that so you know that I understand in a small way the blessing your grandma was to you and what she meant to you.

I have a deep compassion for your loss.

I pray that God's refreshes your mind with even more pleasant memories of your grandma and that He continues to strengthen your heart with His great comfort.

You are an exceptional woman and I am sure your grandma is very proud of you. :)

[florige]

Thanks for the story Kori.

My grandmother is currently in the very late stages of Alzheimer’s
so I understand what its like to slowly lose a grandmother.

GB.



Mine too.... Good story by the way Kori.

[PM5K]

I think the fact that you are writing this almost thirty years later (Guesstimate) says a lot more than anything you could write...

[BruceBowenFan]

:tu

[bigzak25]

beautiful, yet sad story K. :cry

thanks for sharing and God Bless your grandmother for being such a beautiful person and teaching you how to be the same...

[Biernutz]

That is a great tribute to your grandmother. Your stay with her in your life was short but we can see the connection you had with her. She had a great influence in your life. She would be proud of you.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

I know I'm supposed to be on my self-imposed hiatus from posting in the Club, but I have to say that your story about your grandmother was wonderful, Kori. I know we had chatted a long time ago about the impact your grandmother had on your life, but your story really tied it all together. She was obviously an amazing lady.

Loss is so hard...no matter how long (or short) our time is with someone that wonderful, that impactful, we'd give anything for just another conversation...hug...trip to the pet store. I know I try my best to absorb every minute I have with the people I care about because you just never know how long they're going to be here to enjoy.

Thanks for sharing. :)









I'm out....





again.

[Ginofan]

So that's where you get your wonderful-ness from Kori. Great story, great lady :tu

[Johnny_Blaze_47]

Kori, I'm not going to attempt to match the eloquence of some of the previous thoughts. I agree with them and wish you added strength and continued success throughout the year.

So many of us can say we've forged friendships, relationships, marriages through this board and outside of it, and we can thank you for playing a part in that, and MeMe for helping mold you into the woman you are.

Thanks.

[JamStone]

Kori, that was very touching. Makes me want to remember my grandmother.

I hope I am not ruining your thread, but please allow me to share something about my grandmother. I am a first generation Filipino-American, second child, but first child on both sides of my family to be born in the United States. My father came to the States in the early 1970s and brought my mother and my sister a year later. His mother, my grandmother, had him when she was older in age. Her husband, my grandfather, was killed by Chinese soldiers during World War II when my father was only 5 years old. That left my grandmother with five kids to tend to. She gave birth to triplets and lost all of them within one year of them being born. She also lived to see two of her other sons killed in their young age. She would be outlived by three of her children, including my dad.

The one time I was able to meet that I actually remember her was when I was 9 years old (I was 4 years old the other time but don't remember a thing about that trip), when my father and I traveled to the Philippines one summer so we could escort her back to Manila to get her cataract surgery for her eyes. She was already very old (80+), but she had never left her island in her entire life, barely left her own village. The day we were supposed to fly her back to Manila, I was hit by a windowless bus called a Jeepney, thrown 30 feet in the air, broke my arm, split my head open, and lost a massive amount of blood. They thought I was dead. The village where my father was from had no hospital, only a small third world clinic. They had to do some makeshift wrapping on my head and give my arm a splint and fly me to Manila in that condition. I was on a stretcher and my dad bought another ticket to bring along a "doctor" for the plane ride. My grandmother stayed behind. I took her seat on the plane. Her surgery had to wait for another time, if she lasted long enough. I still feel guilt.

Obviously, I recovered and my grandmother did end up getting cataract surgery, but she was pretty much senile by then. As a senior at the University of Michigan, I was set to graduate in the spring of 1997. Just like my older sister, for my graduation present my parents were set to give me a trip to the Philippines to learn more about my roots as a young adult. And, I would finally get to meet my grandmother a second time, this time as grown man. In November of 1996, my grandmother passed away. I never got to see her a second time. I didn't make a trip to the Philippines that summer. And, while I never had the relationship with her that many people have with their grandparents, I miss her. And, I thank her being part of my life even though she really never was physically.

[marini martini]

Dear Miss Kori; What a heart wrenching story. It really did make me cry. How amazing in such a short time your MeMe impacted your life so positively. You can tell she is still with you, looking after you, and protecting you.
I too, am a MiMi. I only hope that I can leave such a profanely powerful legacy to my grandchildren.

[Shelly]

Nice story, Kori. Meme is looking down proudly on you!

And how cool is it that you had a pet monkey!

[travis2]

Lovely story, Kori...

Aren't grandparents wonderful? My grandfather could build or fix anything...and I mean anything. He was a frustrated engineer...had to leave school to take care of his family. My grandmother ran her house with an iron fist enclosed in a velvet glove. If anyone did, she was the one who drilled it into me that I needed to write and speak English *correctly*...she had an excellent command of the English language and insisted we use it correctly around her. She also had time to play card games with me...and she'd kick my ass if I wasn't paying attention, even when I was little. One of her hobbies that combined those two (games and English) was doing crossword puzzles. Not just any crossword puzzles, though...*diagramless* crossword puzzles. Hey, I enjoy crossword puzzles too...but doing diagramless is just nuts.

I was 30 when they died...within 36 hours of each other. Both had been in failing health...my grandfather had adult-onset diabetes and as such had started having problems with his feet, and my grandmother had lost that wonderful mind through a series of mini-strokes over several years (think Altzheimer's for the symptoms). When I found out, I cried like a baby...but even so, I knew it was time for them to go.

[polandprzem]

To me being respectfull for your grandparents and appreciate their life experience is one of the most important things when talking about character of a person.

And acknoledge the fact they know about life more then you is priceless, because you take from their experience and add your own.

There are so many things I would like to ask my granparents now, but I can't. I was living with them all my life. With Grandfather 6 years with Grandmother 25.
And I had family tragedy and I know what it is to fight for life and realize you are helpfull, because sickness is much stronger and can destroy you as a human being with an awefull way...


The fact is that we all are going to die, we don't know when and how. But leaving on this world a piece a knowledge of your own and teach others your life experience and knowing he will be gald to learn from you ... I think there is not much more you want from life at the end of a road.

[Blake]

Yes, do take your daughter. Oh and it's not that well written - there are plenty of run-on sentences and some typos. But I wrote it straight from the heart and didn't feel like editing was the thing to do. :)

I meant the imagery and story telling. Nicely done.