can anyone top this?

[Blake]

due to some car title issues, my stepdaughter is driving with a registration sticker that expired back in July.

I think the longest I ever went myself was about 3 months with an expired inspection sticker before breaking down and getting it done.

[Dr. Gonzo]

In January of 2005 I was driving with a sticker that expired in November of 2003.

[BacktoBasics]

I once stayed in a relationship for 10 years with a women who aborted 5 of my potential children.

[Dr. Gonzo]

I once stayed in a relationship for 10 years with a women who aborted 5 of my potential children.

We have a winner.

[I. Hustle]

When I was younger and my dad was a heroin addict I accidently poked myself with some needles that he left lying around and could have contracted some nasty diseases.

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

I have a runny nose this morning.

[jman3000]

Only one of my testicles descended when I was a child and I had to have surgery to descend the second.

[Blake]

I once stayed in a relationship for 10 years with a women who aborted 5 of my potential children.

definitely tops on the leaderboard so far

[Blake]

When I was younger and my dad was a heroin addict I accidently poked myself with some needles that he left lying around and could have contracted some nasty diseases.

hmm.......was this a one time pokage?

and where exactly did you poke yourself?

and are you certain it was an "accident"?

[Richard Cranium]

I once stayed in a relationship for 10 years with a women who aborted 5 of my potential children.

Not to mention the fact that only 2 were actually yours.

[Blake]

I have a runny nose this morning.

yeah, snorting crack will do that to you.

kick the habit.

[Blake]

Only one of my testicles descended when I was a child and I had to have surgery to descend the second.

meh. Even Lance Armstrong is doing just fine with one nut...

although it must suck when people mistake you for a woman when they hear you speak.

[Dr. Gonzo]

yeah, snorting crack will do that to you.

kick the habit.

You can't snort crack.

[Blake]

You can't snort crack.

Exactly

[Hooters Girl]

One time at work I had a customer that was very rude so I went to the ladies room and rubbed my pussy on one of his buffalo wings.

[Richard Cranium]

One time at work I had a customer that was very rude so I went to the ladies room and rubbed my pussy on one of his buffalo wings.

Smelled like fish but tasted like chicken?

[DisAsTerBot]

One time at work I had a customer that was very rude so I went to the ladies room and rubbed my pussy on one of his buffalo wings.

teriyaki!!!!

[BacktoBasics]

This thread delivers

[Bean Dip]

I think the longest I ever went myself was about 3 months with an expired inspection sticker before breaking down and getting it done.

BigZak's inspection sticker expired in Jan 2008 if I'm not mistaken.

[lebomb]

I once stayed in a relationship for 10 years with a women who aborted 5 of my potential children.


She actually lied to BacktoBasics, because all the kids were mine, and she didnt abort but actually had them. They are all professional athletes now........scattered throughout the NBA......you may know one of them.........his nickname is The Big Easy. :hat

[Blake]

One time at work I had a customer that was very rude so I went to the ladies room and rubbed my pussy on one of his buffalo wings.

and that's bad because.........?

and if you rubbed yourself with the 3 mile island wings, seems to me that would hurt you more than it would hurt him

[Blake]

BigZak's inspection sticker expired in Jan 2008 if I'm not mistaken.

for his car or from his proctologist?

[baseline bum]

and that's bad because.........?

and if you rubbed yourself with the 3 mile island wings, seems to me that would hurt you more than it would hurt him

:lol

[ORION]

One time I hid up in the ceiling above the girls locker room in high school with a video camera

[I. Hustle]

hmm.......was this a one time pokage?

and where exactly did you poke yourself?

and are you certain it was an "accident"?

Nope. Happened all the time. Usually my hands. They would drop in between the cushions of the couch. I had a bad habit of sticking my hands between the cushions while watching tv.

def an accident.

[Blake]

Nope. Happened all the time. Usually my hands. They would drop in between the cushions of the couch. I had a bad habit of sticking my hands between the cushions while watching tv.

def an accident.

see, I'm thinking you were sticking something else between the cushions while watching Plyboy TV.

[CosmicCowboy]

Had a friend of mine that was banging a stripper that lived in his apartment complex. She told him that she was gonna set up a 2 on 1 with one of her stripper girlfriends...they scheduled it for Friday...The guy was totally insufferable all week bragging about it...the night came and sure enough the girlfriend showed up...they stripped him and tied him to the bedposts flat on his back...the "new" girl then stripped, poised herself right over his face...then instead of lowering herself she slid back a little and took a big dump right in the middle of his chest...jumped up, cleaned up, got dressed, and the two strippers went out partying all night and left him there tied up LOL.

[Blake]

Had a friend of mine that was banging a stripper that lived in his apartment complex. She told him that she was gonna set up a 2 on 1 with one of her stripper girlfriends...they scheduled it for Friday...The guy was totally insufferable all week bragging about it...the night came and sure enough the girlfriend showed up...they stripped him and tied him to the bedposts flat on his back...the "new" girl then stripped, poised herself right over his face...then instead of lowering herself she slid back a little and took a big dump right in the middle of his chest...jumped up, cleaned up, got dressed, and the two strippers went out partying all night and left him there tied up LOL.

.....

wow. When she told him "I'm dumping you", she really meant it.

[2Blonde]

Had a friend of mine that was banging a stripper that lived in his apartment complex. She told him that she was gonna set up a 2 on 1 with one of her stripper girlfriends...they scheduled it for Friday...The guy was totally insufferable all week bragging about it...the night came and sure enough the girlfriend showed up...they stripped him and tied him to the bedposts flat on his back...the "new" girl then stripped, poised herself right over his face...then instead of lowering herself she slid back a little and took a big dump right in the middle of his chest...jumped up, cleaned up, got dressed, and the two strippers went out partying all night and left him there tied up LOL.

:wow Uh, I'm speechless. :wow

[IronMexican]

Had a friend of mine that was banging a stripper that lived in his apartment complex. She told him that she was gonna set up a 2 on 1 with one of her stripper girlfriends...they scheduled it for Friday...The guy was totally insufferable all week bragging about it...the night came and sure enough the girlfriend showed up...they stripped him and tied him to the bedposts flat on his back...the "new" girl then stripped, poised herself right over his face...then instead of lowering herself she slid back a little and took a big dump right in the middle of his chest...jumped up, cleaned up, got dressed, and the two strippers went out partying all night and left him there tied up LOL.

Where can I meet these strippers? Whatever happened to the lip stick on a shirt collar? This is a lot better.

[MrChug]

I killed someone who was terminally ill once. Kinda rude.

[CosmicCowboy]

:wow Uh, I'm speechless. :wow

LOL

He was too. After the weekend I HAD to ask him how it went and he refused to talk about it.

I finally got him really REALLY drunk YEARS later and he fessed up.

I literally got stomach cramps from laughing so hard.

The image of him being tied to the headboard/footboard with good knots looking at a steaming turd on his chest was just TOO funny.

I never really liked the bondage stuff anyway. I'm all about reciprocity...and I was DAMN glad I didn't run up on a couple of stripper whackos like that.

[CosmicCowboy]

Apparently he pissed off stripper #1 because he made it clear he wasn't interested in matrimony and she enlisted stripper #2 for payback.

[tlongII]

Had a friend of mine that was banging a stripper that lived in his apartment complex. She told him that she was gonna set up a 2 on 1 with one of her stripper girlfriends...they scheduled it for Friday...The guy was totally insufferable all week bragging about it...the night came and sure enough the girlfriend showed up...they stripped him and tied him to the bedposts flat on his back...the "new" girl then stripped, poised herself right over his face...then instead of lowering herself she slid back a little and took a big dump right in the middle of his chest...jumped up, cleaned up, got dressed, and the two strippers went out partying all night and left him there tied up LOL.

Friend, huh? Suuuuuuuuuuuuuure...

[CosmicCowboy]

Friend, huh? Suuuuuuuuuuuuuure...

Seriously.

The dude was SO proud of himself.

Somehow I managed to make it through my life without ever banging a crack whore stripper and I have no regrets.

And you TLong? LOL

[mrsmaalox]

LOL

He was too. After the weekend I HAD to ask him how it went and he refused to talk about it.

I finally got him really REALLY drunk YEARS later and he fessed up.

I literally got stomach cramps from laughing so hard.

The image of him being tied to the headboard/footboard with good knots looking at a steaming turd on his chest was just TOO funny.

I never really liked the bondage stuff anyway. I'm all about reciprocity...and I was DAMN glad I didn't run up on a couple of stripper whackos like that.

Hmm, not even with silk blindfold and restraints?! And tickling with feathers?! or a little candle wax?! :cooldevil ;)

[CosmicCowboy]

nope. No restraints for this cowboy.

[marini martini]

nope. No restraints for this cowboy.

:lmao:lmao:lmao
You can say that again!!!!:toast

[mrsmaalox]

Could have been one hell of a rodeo! :lol

[CosmicCowboy]

LOL...I prefer a long leisurely bareback ride over a 8 second rodeo ride.

[tonylongoriafan]

this is probably the best thread ever!

[Dr. Gonzo]

I once knew a guy that drank about 20 beers in 17 hours. After being told of this incredible feat, I wondered how one can still be alive with so much alcohol in his system.

[IronMexican]

this is probably the best thread ever!

No, that goes to the guy who had that story about working in the SBC center and was taking a shit next to Shaq. I wish I knew where that thread was.

[Blake]

One time I hid up in the ceiling above the girls locker room in high school with a video camera

ah....the joys of being a janitor....

but why would you film yourself while hiding in the ceiling above the girls locker room?

[Blake]

No, that goes to the guy who had that story about working in the SBC center and was taking a shit next to Shaq. I wish I knew where that thread was.

"hey SBC Center.......tell me how my a$$ taste
hey SBC Center.......tell me how my a$$ taste

[Blake]

I once knew a guy that drank about 20 beers in 17 hours. After being told of this incredible feat, I wondered how one can still be alive with so much alcohol in his system.

I once knew a guy that ate about 20 sausage biscuit and hash brown combos from McDonalds in 17 days. After being told of this incredible feat, I wondered how I'm still alive with so much crap in my system.

[tonylongoriafan]

I once knew a guy that drank about 20 beers in 17 hours. After being told of this incredible feat, I wondered how one can still be alive with so much alcohol in his system.

i was just wondering if i were the only one who liked to getting going early and keep it going all day...wtf?

[Dr. Gonzo]

i was just wondering if i were the only one who liked to getting going early and keep it going all day...wtf?

I don't think anyone else as the balls big enough to consume such a large amount of alcohol in that period of time.

[I. Hustle]

I don't think anyone else as the balls big enough to consume such a large amount of alcohol in that period of time.

That's brass balls

[mrsmaalox]

No way!! Damn that's hardcore!

[Blake]

I don't think anyone else as the balls big enough to consume such a large amount of alcohol in that period of time.

I bet the pregnant man has balls big enough to do it