Matt Bonner is so F-in' tough...

[BlackBellamy]

I saw some people started this on Yahoo photo and thought it might help the tedium of a game less night. Some of them are so funny that they are ridiculous and vice versa...

*Matt Bonner is so tough theres no chin under his beard. There is only another fist.
*Matt Bonner doesn't rebound, the ball automatically falls in his hands for fear of it's life if it bounces anywhere else.
*Matt Bonner so tuff hes banned in six states and is known to practice his dribble bear foot over shattered glass
*the boogeyman checks his closet at night for matt bonner.
*matt bonner only uses pencils without erasers, because matt bonner never *makes mistakes.
*matt bonner once choked someone out with a cordless phone.
*matt bonner is worth 12 electoral votes
*Matt Bonner gets on his hands and knees and barks at KG
*matt bonner's so sexy justin timberlake gave him sexy back
*Matt Bonner never draws iron. The basket expands out of fear when his shot approaches.
*You can't divide by zero, but Matt Bonner can.
*Death once had a near Matt Bonner experience.
*The only time that Matt Bonner was ever wrong was when he thought he made a mistake.
*matt bonner can make onions cry.
*matt bonner can kill three birds with one stone.
*matt bonner once threw a no-hitter from 2nd base.
*Matt Bonner eats steak every meal. Most times, he forgets to kill the cow.
*matt bonner can strike a match with a bar of soap
*matt bonner lost both his legs in a car accident...he was still able to walk it off
*matt bonner floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.
*matt bonner can dribble a football.
*matt bonner's basketball IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight
*I picked up Matt Bonner in my fantasy league. Now I can't ever drop him for fear of my life.
*Matt Bonner's tears cure cancer, too bad Matt Bonner doesn't cry.
*every year, one lucky child gets chosen to be thrown into the sun by matt bonner. (my personal favorite)

anything to contribute?...

[tp2021]

*Matt Bonner is so tough theres no chin under his beard. There is only another fist.
*the boogeyman checks his closet at night for matt bonner.
*You can't divide by zero, but Matt Bonner can.
*Matt Bonner's tears cure cancer, too bad Matt Bonner doesn't cry.
*every year, one lucky child gets chosen to be thrown into the sun by matt bonner. (my personal favorite)

AFAIK these are Chuck Norris facts.




*matt bonner once choked someone out with a cordless phone.
*matt bonner is worth 12 electoral votes
*matt bonner's so sexy justin timberlake gave him sexy back
*Death once had a near Matt Bonner experience.
*The only time that Matt Bonner was ever wrong was when he thought he made a mistake.
*matt bonner once threw a no-hitter from 2nd base.
*matt bonner can strike a match with a bar of soap
*matt bonner lost both his legs in a car accident...he was still able to walk it off
*I picked up Matt Bonner in my fantasy league. Now I can't ever drop him for fear of my life.


I like these, especially the ones in BOLD! :lmao

[tp2021]

Some other good ones from there:

Bonner sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Bonner gets indigestion when he swallows his pride.
If at first you don't succeed, you aren't Matt Bonner.

Matt Bonner went with Tim Duncan to the Virgin Islands. Now they're the Islands.

[tp2021]

A man recently mistook Matt Bonner for Brian Scalabrine.



Services were held last Wednesday.

[BlackBellamy]

If at first you don't succeed, you aren't Matt Bonner.



Didn't even see that one. Might be my fav.

[z0sa]

A man recently mistook Matt Bonner for Brian Scalabrine.



Services were held last Wednesday.

:lmao

[Darkwaters]

My favorite is the one where Bonner's tears cure cancer...except he never cries.

I guess it's too bad Big Baby's tears don't cure cancer too.

[Darkwaters]

BTW, Chuck Norris is supposed to be in town on Monday for a book signing. We should get these two together.

[bigfan]

Matt Boner is so fucking proud, he's finally decided to earn his paycheck with the Spurs

[ECZ]

:rollin

[BlackBellamy]

BTW, Chuck Norris is supposed to be in town on Monday for a book signing. We should get these two together.

A fine idea, however the ramifications of the meeting could be enormous. I think either space and time would be ripped asunder by the meeting like putting an atomic bomb in the super collider, or they would fuse into one red super-being and rule us as the finest ethical monarch the world has ever seen. All will love and fear "Bonorris"!

[vander]

http://spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=80244

[Reck]

*Matt Bonner gets on his hands and knees and barks at KG

:lol

[Anti.Hero]

KG thought he escaped once from Bonner.

Too bad for KG, Bonner has hit another level.

[SAtown]

Babies stop crying when Bonner enters the room so that they won't bother him.

:lmao

[Mad Bonner]

Sup?

[johnnyblues]

Matt Bonner has ordered David Stern to rename the 'Free Throw' to 'Pay-in-Blood Throw'.

:lmao

[Taco]

Matt Bonner-ism’s

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Matt Bonner jumps out

The Virgin Mary once saw an image of Matt Bonner in a piece of Toast

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep he checks the closet for Matt Bonner

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Matt Bonner pajamas

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Matt Bonner

[BlackBellamy]

* Matt Bonner once used a live rattle snake as a condom.
* Matt Bonner's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.
* Matt Bonner's poop is considered currency in some countries.
* I once saw Matt Bonner scissor-kick Angela Lansbury.
* Matt Bonner once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
* Matt Bonner hates the Irish! And he's half-Irish! ...And he hates irony!
* The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Matt Bonner... except for the part about planting apple trees.
* Matt Bonner did all the makeup on the Planet of the Apes movies.
* Matt Bonner drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
* Matt Bonner orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson.
* They say Gene Roddenberry got the idea for Star Trek by listening to Matt Bonner talk in his sleep.
* Did I ever tell you about the time Matt Bonner went hunting? Matt decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except Fleegle.
* We once had a bachelor party for Matt Bonner. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
* Matt Bonner named the group Sha Na Na. They did not want to be called that.
* If you drop a phonograph needle on Matt Bonner's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds.
* Matt Bonner breastfeeds John Madden!
* Matt Bonner killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
* Matt Bonner sleeps eight hours a night! Well, he's pretty normal when it comes to that.
* All the Yes album covers are Bonner family photos.

[lefty]

A man recently mistook Matt Bonner for Brian Scalabrine.



Services were held last Wednesday.

:lmao

[BlackBellamy]

*Matt Bonner once gave me a videotape of him having sex with my wife, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw!
*Matt Bonner speaks with a faint Pig-Latin accent.
*I invited Matt Bonner to my son's baptism. He shows up at the church in his golf pants, caked in mud. Matt pushes the priest aside and says, "I'll baptize that piece of calimari!" Then he pours Scotch all over my baby son and says, "There! You're baptized!"
*Matt Bonner was the one who came up with Manifest Destiny, fuck John L. O'Sullivan. It was Bonner!
*Were you aware that Matt Bonner has 6 toes? Someone tried to cut them off but the toe rose up and killed him. I went to the funeral. Man, even Matt felt sort of bad about that one.
*The phrase "No matter where you go, there you are" is actually
come down through the ages from an old Cherokee phrase that
translates:"No matter where you...shit, is that Matt Bonner?
AW HELL, RUN!"
*Bonner has never raped a woman. This is because the moment any woman sees Bonner naked all sexual activity from that moment on is considered consensual.
This legal precedence has even been upheld by the Supreme Court in the case of Bonner vs. The Satisfied
*Matt Bonner used to hand draw every frame of 'The Flintstones' in front of a live audience and the voices were produced with his farts. Hell of an organizer that Bonner...
*I punched Matt Bonner in the face, and he cried and begged me to stop bullying him. When I woke up - this was obviously a dream, because nothing so ludicrous could ever happen in real life - Bonner was already standing there, because he can read dreams, and he beat my ass for the next three days. I have to say I deserved it.
*When people at Wendy's tell Matt Bonner to drive to the second window...he doesn't. He sits at the first window and makes Wendy come to him.

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

The following is a list of things Matt Bonner can't do:




.

[raspsa]

Matt Bonner takes his coffee black... w/o water
Obama has a secret weapon to jumpstart the economy -- Matt Bonner
China has amended it's one-child policy to accomodate all couples who want a 2nd child by Matt Bonner

[WildcardManu]

A man recently mistook Matt Bonner for Brian Scalabrine.



Services were held last Wednesday.

:lmao

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

Matt Bonner once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.

[xellos88330]

When Matt Bonner was a baby, he learned how to play basketball by practicing with a bowling ball.

[stxspurs]

same as the Gist thread

[hater]

Matt Bonner started googlin in 1981

[Manufan909]

* Matt Bonner once used a live rattle snake as a condom.
* Matt Bonner's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.
* Matt Bonner's poop is considered currency in some countries.
* I once saw Matt Bonner scissor-kick Angela Lansbury.
* Matt Bonner once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
* Matt Bonner hates the Irish! And he's half-Irish! ...And he hates irony!
* The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Matt Bonner... except for the part about planting apple trees.
* Matt Bonner did all the makeup on the Planet of the Apes movies.* Matt Bonner drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
* Matt Bonner orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson.
* They say Gene Roddenberry got the idea for Star Trek by listening to Matt Bonner talk in his sleep.
* Did I ever tell you about the time Matt Bonner went hunting? Matt decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except Fleegle.
* We once had a bachelor party for Matt Bonner. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
* Matt Bonner named the group Sha Na Na. They did not want to be called that.
* If you drop a phonograph needle on Matt Bonner's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds.
* Matt Bonner breastfeeds John Madden!
* Matt Bonner killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
* Matt Bonner sleeps eight hours a night! Well, he's pretty normal when it comes to that.
* All the Yes album covers are Bonner family photos.

I think those two are particularly genius.

[ehz33satx]

Matt Bonner can bone either one of my sisters anyday! I will even throw in my girlfriend for good measure that way Matt Bonner comes away completely satisfied!

[Manufan909]

Matt Bonner was banned from the UFC and the Kumite so he had to take up Basketball. Which is when his hair turned red from all of the pent up anger and rage.

This was a good one the OP missed.

[Whisky Dog]

Some other good ones from there:

Bonner sleeps with a pillow under his gun. :sleep
Bonner gets indigestion when he swallows his pride. :rollin
If at first you don't succeed, you aren't Matt Bonner. :lol

Matt Bonner went with Tim Duncan to the Virgin Islands. Now they're the Islands. :lmao

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

The nickname "Red Rocket" actually began during Matt's first job as a porn star. The term "Money Shot" came from his career as well because Matt Bonner's semen is actually worth well over $3000 per ounce on the black market after the FDA banned it as an illegal performance enhancer.

He was forced out of the business when companies refused to continue insuring any woman who worked with him, citing the high costs of the necessary pelvic reconstructive surgeries the inevitably followed.

[I. Hustle]

*Matt Bonner once gave me a videotape of him having sex with my wife, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw!
*Matt Bonner speaks with a faint Pig-Latin accent.
*I invited Matt Bonner to my son's baptism. He shows up at the church in his golf pants, caked in mud. Matt pushes the priest aside and says, "I'll baptize that piece of calimari!" Then he pours Scotch all over my baby son and says, "There! You're baptized!"
*Matt Bonner was the one who came up with Manifest Destiny, fuck John L. O'Sullivan. It was Bonner!
*Were you aware that Matt Bonner has 6 toes? Someone tried to cut them off but the toe rose up and killed him. I went to the funeral. Man, even Matt felt sort of bad about that one.
*The phrase "No matter where you go, there you are" is actually
come down through the ages from an old Cherokee phrase that
translates:"No matter where you...shit, is that Matt Bonner?
AW HELL, RUN!"
*Bonner has never raped a woman. This is because the moment any woman sees Bonner naked all sexual activity from that moment on is considered consensual.
This legal precedence has even been upheld by the Supreme Court in the case of Bonner vs. The Satisfied
*Matt Bonner used to hand draw every frame of 'The Flintstones' in front of a live audience and the voices were produced with his farts. Hell of an organizer that Bonner...
*I punched Matt Bonner in the face, and he cried and begged me to stop bullying him. When I woke up - this was obviously a dream, because nothing so ludicrous could ever happen in real life - Bonner was already standing there, because he can read dreams, and he beat my ass for the next three days. I have to say I deserved it.
*When people at Wendy's tell Matt Bonner to drive to the second window...he doesn't. He sits at the first window and makes Wendy come to him.

I bolded all the good ones.

[DANILO DRASKOVIC]

this was funny...4 years ago

[tp2021]

*I invited Matt Bonner to my son's baptism. He shows up at the church in his golf pants, caked in mud. Matt pushes the priest aside and says, "I'll baptize that piece of calimari!" Then he pours Scotch all over my baby son and says, "There! You're baptized!"

*The phrase "No matter where you go, there you are" is actually
come down through the ages from an old Cherokee phrase that
translates:"No matter where you...shit, is that Matt Bonner?"

*Bonner has never raped a woman. This is because the moment any woman sees Bonner naked all sexual activity from that moment on is considered consensual.
This legal precedence has even been upheld by the Supreme Court in the case of Bonner vs. The Satisfied
*I punched Matt Bonner in the face, and he cried and begged me to stop bullying him. When I woke up - this was obviously a dream, because nothing so ludicrous could ever happen in real life - Bonner was already standing there, because he can read dreams, and he beat my ass for the next three days. I have to say I deserved it.
*When people at Wendy's tell Matt Bonner to drive to the second window...he doesn't. He sits at the first window and makes Wendy come to him.

:lmao

[Fingaroll44]

Wilt Chamberlain and Bill Russell went FORWARD in a time machine just to get pointers from Matt Bonner.

[benefactor]

Fail thread.

[Texas_Ranger]

Matt Bonner can touch Mc Hammer.

[nkdlunch]

The nickname "Red Rocket" actually began during Matt's first job as a porn star. The term "Money Shot" came from his career as well because Matt Bonner's semen is actually worth well over $3000 per ounce on the black market after the FDA banned it as an illegal performance enhancer.



I like it when you talk dirty