Where They Stand: The Playoff Picture

[sa_butta]

A.F.C.

A year ago, H. Wayne Huizenga, the MIAMI DOLPHINS owner, wept that his team had won only one game. He’s going to be a blubbering mess if the Dolphins, who beat the Chiefs on Sunday, beat the Jets next week because that will make them A.F.C. East champions. It could be revenge for Chad Pennington, dealt from the Jets to make room for Brett Favre. Next up: Jets.

The JETS have done everything possible to miss the playoffs. Their loss Sunday means they have to beat Miami and hope that New England loses to Buffalo so they can win the division. If New England wins, the Jets would make it as the wild card if they beat the Dolphins and the Ravens lose. Next up: Miami.

Something simple: the BALTIMORE RAVENS, who beat the Cowboys on Saturday night, would clinch the A.F.C.’s final wild-card spot with a victory at home. Next up: Jacksonville.

If this were the Bowl Championship Series, the NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS would earn style points for how they mauled the Arizona Cardinals, then got a huge boost from their nemesis, the Jets. If the Jets beat the Dolphins, and the Patriots win, the Patriots would win the division. If the Ravens lose, and the Dolphins win, the Patriots are in as a wild card with a victory. But if the Dolphins win and the Ravens win, the Patriots would be shut out, no matter what they do. Next up: Buffalo.
You better believe the official Ed Hochuli will not be on the field when the

DENVER BRONCOS and the SAN DIEGO CHARGERS meet in a winner-take-all game for the A.F.C. West championship. Denver won the first meeting in Week 2 on the famously botched fumble/incompletion call by Hochuli. Denver has squandered a three-game lead with three to play. Next up: Chargers.

The TENNESSEE TITANS clinched home-field advantage throughout the A.F.C. playoffs by beating the Steelers, 31-14. The PITTSBURGH STEELERS are the No. 2 seed. The INDIANAPOLIS COLTS clinched a wild-card spot with their victory over Jacksonville on Thursday.

N.F.C.

The MINNESOTA VIKINGS wasted an opportunity to clinch the N.F.C. North with a loss to the Falcons, but that at least gives meaning to Monday night’s game between the Packers and the Bears. Minnesota would win the division with a victory next week or a Chicago loss Monday night. Next up: Giants.

Despite a loss to the Ravens on Saturday, the DALLAS COWBOYS are in as a wild card with a victory next week at Philadelphia. It is the first time Norv Turner has helped the Cowboys since he was coaching Troy Aikman — the Chargers’ victory over the Buccaneers on Sunday gave the Cowboys a huge break. Next up: Philadelphia.

The TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS lost their third straight and now not only need to win next week, but also need Philadelphia to beat Dallas. Next up: Oakland.

Despite their loss to the Redskins, the PHILADELPHIA EAGLES are not quite out yet. They have to win, and Tampa Bay and Chicago have to lose. Next up: Dallas.

The CHICAGO BEARS are also still barely alive, but need a ton of help. First, they must win Monday. Next up: Green Bay.

Wonder if Michael Vick was watching when the ATLANTA FALCONS clinched at least a wild-card spot with their victory over Minnesota and Tampa Bay’s loss to San Diego. Next up: St. Louis.

The GIANTS secured home-field advantage throughout the N.F.C. playoffs with their victory over the CAROLINA PANTHERS, who have clinched a playoff berth but still need a victory or an Atlanta loss to win the N.F.C. South.

http://fifthdown.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/12/22/where-they-stand-the-playoff-picture/?hp

[Tom Brady]

I'd rather see the Dolphins and Jets in the Sunday nighter, but NBC made the right call. The game's gonna go something like this. San Diego will roll out to an early 10 point lead. About halfway through the second quarter, with things looking bleak for Denver, Rivers will throw an interception that's run back for a touchdown. When the Chargers get the ball back, Rivers and the Chargers go to a no huddle, shotgun every down scheme and go three and out. Cutler leads the Broncos down the field for the tying field goal right before halftime.

In the second half, Chargers get two easy TDs and are up 24-10. Seems like the Broncos secondary can't stop shit even if they let them play a 13 man defense. Denver goes on a long, clock consuming drive that ends with a QB sneak touchdown, but Cutler is limping after he scores. Shanahan calls an onside kick and Denver recovers. On first down Cutler hits Marshall on a 30 yard wheel route to get the Broncos into San Diego's red zone. Two plays later, Shanahan somehow convinces a 25 year old hotdog vendor to sign with the team as a tailback, and he punches the tying score into the endzone. Three minutes left in the fourth quarter, Chargers are driving. Rivers drops back to pass, gets his first read, second read, third read, fourth read hits Champ Bailey right between the numbers and throws his second pick of the game. Broncos go conservative because Chargers can't stop the clock. Earlier in the game, Philip Rivers was too busy yelling smack talk to Cutler and had to burn all the TOs lest the Chargers be flagged for delay of game. Prater kicks a 54 yard field goal with 9 seconds left on the clock but it's well short of the uprights.

Beginning of OT, Chargers win the toss and Philip Rivers trumps Hasselbeck's classic "We want the ball and we're gonna score" line when he says "Give us the ball, I want to see the look on this hillbilly faggot's face when we win the game!", standing only an inch away from Cutler's face as he says it. Sproles returns the kickoff to midfield and suddenly it looks as if Philip Rivers is a prophesizer of Biblical proportions. SD gets a first down and on the next set of downs are stopped on third and inches for a loss. Norv Turner sends in Kaeding for the game winner, and in typical Kaeding fashion he shanks it off the right upright. Broncos take over in decent field position and line up in the shotgun for the first play in overtime. Cutler does a sick pumpfake and the Charger D bites on it. He has ALL DAY to pass, scans his reads and sees Brandon Marshall five or six steps in front of Cromartie going down the left sideline. Cutler airs it out, CAUGHT AT THE 35 YARD LINE! THE 20! THE 10! HE COULD! GO! ALL! THE! WAY! MARSHALL SCORES! AND THE BRONCOS WIN THE GAME 30-24!

Cutler, Marshall, Bailey, and Shanahan celebrate by doing the Riverdance on the Chargers midfield logo. Tomlinson remains on the bench with his helmet on, where he'd been sitting since the 3rd quarter since he pulled a muscle taking off his pads at halftime. Rivers is caught on camera crying with his arms around Governor Schwarzenegger and then making out with Jude Law.

Epic Game. I'd root for the Chargers to win the game so I could own their sorry asses for the third straight year, but hey, it's Christmas.

[Private Pyle]

This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my rifle and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of our enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.