Divorce

[pkbpkb81]

I got home from work Tuseday night and the wife said she wanted a divorce, when she told me i calimly walked out of the house and went stright to the bar and have only stopped drinking long enough to go to work. Now she wants to get counsling at the church.



I am willing to do it just to keep her from moveing my kids out of state (she's from Idaho and her parents still live there)

and this past week she has been supper bitch when ever i have tried to talk to her abiut it.

I wanna keep my family togther but fuck i am so mad at her right now i don't know what to do.

[mrsmaalox]

I think your first step should be to stop the alcohol. You need all your faculties intact to be able to deal with this. :) Hang in there!

[clambake]

so, you have no idea why she wants a divorce?

[CavsSuperFan]

Calm down & be honorable…(Stuff happens)…
What State do you live in?

[2centsworth]

I got home from work Tuseday night and the wife said she wanted a divorce, when she told me i calimly walked out of the house and went stright to the bar and have only stopped drinking long enough to go to work. Now she wants to get counsling at the church.



I am willing to do it just to keep her from moveing my kids out of state (she's from Idaho and her parents still live there)

and this past week she has been supper bitch when ever i have tried to talk to her abiut it.

I wanna keep my family togther but fuck i am so mad at her right now i don't know what to do.

do the marriage counseling and try to listen to each other and find common ground.

hurting each other isn't going to get you anywhere. put the kids first, and give your marriage an honest shot.

quit the alcohol if you can on your own, if not, go to AA.

[desflood]

There are a lot of unanswered questions here, why does she want it, do you want it, etc. As far as the kids go, she probably can't legally move them out of state without your written permission. If you end up going through with divorce, that will be addressed in family court.

[pkbpkb81]

so, you have no idea why she wants a divorce?

she said we fight too much and i yell at her when we are fighting. oh and during football season i dident pay attion to her.

we have been married for 3 years and togther for 6 it all just came out of left filed.

[IronMexican]

That suck major ass, bro. But hang in there. Hope everything works out.

[clambake]

she said we fight too much and i yell at her when we are fighting. oh and during football season i dident pay attion to her.

we have been married for 3 years and togther for 6 it all just came out of left filed.

are you wasted right now?

[Dr. Gonzo]

Is she cheating?

[pkbpkb81]

Calm down & be honorable…(Stuff happens)…
What State do you live in?

Texas and as for the drinking it was just a 4 (needed to get it out of my system) day binder i sobered up this weekend and went to the zoo with the kids on sunday and on satrday took the kids to the buckaroo brekfest.

[desflood]

when she told me i calimly walked out of the house and went stright to the bar and have only stopped drinking long enough to go to work.
Is this a habit?

[pkbpkb81]

Is she cheating?

i dont thaink so

[clambake]

yelling during an argument accomplishes nothing but a negative effect.

be mature during these moments. she'll notice the change.

[pkbpkb81]

Is this a habit?

no i normaly dont drink durring the week at the time i wanted to yell and blow up but got scared i would wake the kids up so i left

[Dr. Gonzo]

Dude that sucks. Stay off the sauce.

[Obstructed_View]

I got home from work Tuseday night and the wife said she wanted a divorce, when she told me i calimly walked out of the house and went stright to the bar and have only stopped drinking long enough to go to work. Now she wants to get counsling at the church.



I am willing to do it just to keep her from moveing my kids out of state (she's from Idaho and her parents still live there)

and this past week she has been supper bitch when ever i have tried to talk to her abiut it.

I wanna keep my family togther but fuck i am so mad at her right now i don't know what to do.

Well, you asked on a public forum, so here it is:

So she's gotten your attention by asking for a divorce she clearly doesn't want. The ball's in your court. Sounds like you don't really care other than to avoid the inconvenience of having your kids in Idaho. She wants you to fight for her and win her back. If alcohol and football are more important, you should just let her go.

[CavsSuperFan]

Divorce is a very long road when children are involved…Child support, visitation, tuition, it never ends…You need to 1st look at cleaning up your act…

Church counseling is a great idea because the people evaluating your situation are allowed to give you blunt input…State Counselors have to be careful to not hurt your feelings & will always advise more counseling…

[balli]

Good lord man, this is your chance out!!! Don't waste it! If you're a good father I doubt she'll be able to take your kids out of state if you don't want her to. If you're a bad father maybe it would be best if she did.

[CavsSuperFan]

Texas seems to be more balanced in divorce hearings than other states…In states like CA the wife can make false aquisations to keep your children from you & garnish your wages…

I can’t stress the importance of behaving honorably, avoiding bad company & try to find that person that your wife was attracted to in the 1st place….Your children will remember everything that happens for decades to come…

[pkbpkb81]

Good lord man, this is your chance out!!! Don't waste it! If you're a good father I doubt she'll be able to take your kids out of state if you don't want her to. If you're a bad father maybe it would be best if she did.

i haven't been a good husban but i am a great dad and i am not going to let my kids grow up with only getting to see me when there out of school thats not good for anyone

[pkbpkb81]

Texas seems to be more balanced in divorce hearings than other states…In states like CA the wife can make false aquisations to keep your children from you & garnish your wages…

I can’t stress the importance of behaving honorably, avoiding bad company & try to find that person that your wife was attracted to in the 1st place….Your children will remember everything that happens for decades to come…

i know and there so young 4 and 2 and 10 mons. there my world i cant not see them

[pkbpkb81]

I have been staying at a friends but come home in the morrings to see them before i go to work. after work i go over there and put them to bed. After there in bed she wont even talk to me about anything so i just dont know what to do she is dragging her feet on starting the counsleing and it is driving me crazy.

[lebomb]

i know and there so young 4 and 2 and 10 mons. there my world i cant not see them


Three kids 4 and under? Dude, have a drink.......she aint going nowhere. :toast

[Crookshanks]

If your children are your world - then the biggest gift you can give them is to love their mother and do everything in your power to save the marriage. You've already admitted you haven't been a good husband - so change your behavior!

Oh - and don't listen to ANYTHING ballijuana says - he's an idiot.

[desflood]

i know and there so young 4 and 2 and 10 mons.
A little buzzer just went off in my head. Does she have a job at all? And do you work a regular job?

[pkbpkb81]

If your children are your world - then the biggest gift you can give them is to love their mother and do everything in your power to save the marriage. You've already admitted you haven't been a good husband - so change your behavior!

Oh - and don't listen to ANYTHING ballijuana says - he's an idiot.

I know and i am trying but she wont give a real honset answer on why she wants this or even talk about it.

has anyone been throw this

[lebomb]

I know and i am trying but she wont give a real honset answer on why she wants this or even talk about it.

has anyone been throw this


Yes, I have. Im remarried. My EX said she hadnt been happy for a long while. She came outta no where also. She was having an affair though I found out later. Cheaters like to rewrite history. Its cool though, she did me a favor. Found the love of me life :married:

[2centsworth]

Yes, I have. Im remarried. My EX said she hadnt been happy for a long while. She came outta no where also. She was having an affair though I found out later. Cheaters like to rewrite history. Its cool though, she did me a favor. Found the love of me life :married:

I abhor stories like that, except that you found the love of your life.

[Crookshanks]

I know and i am trying but she wont give a real honset answer on why she wants this or even talk about it.

has anyone been throw this
Yep! I'd been married almost 9 years and we had 4 children when my husband said he wanted a divorce. Took me totally by surprise - I had no idea he was that unhappy. When I asked him why, he just said he was tired of the responsibility and wanted to live his own life.

Turns out - he was having an affair with my friend! And he'd been cheating on me with god knows how many women for 7 years! He said it was a game to him to see how long he could keep cheating without me finding out. He was and is a real prick! However, the divorce and subsequent bad blood between us really caused our children a lot of emotional distress. All 4 of them still bear the emotional scars from it.

So - if there's any way you can salvage the marriage and make it better - please try for your children's sake.

[remingtonbo2001]

It sounds like a cry for attention. I would encourage marriage counseling through the church. I would also encourage that you take charge in setting up the counseling sessions. She might be waiting for you to take action, instead of running.

It's a tough situation. I hope that this situation strengthens your marriage.
Stay strong. God Bless.

[CavsSuperFan]

What I meant to say was…Clean up your own act but don’t beat yourself up…Relationships are two way street…If the wife wants to end it & pretend that EVERYTHING is your fault there is not much you can do to fix it…

[pkbpkb81]

Yep! I'd been married almost 9 years and we had 4 children when my husband said he wanted a divorce. Took me totally by surprise - I had no idea he was that unhappy. When I asked him why, he just said he was tired of the responsibility and wanted to live his own life.

Turns out - he was having an affair with my friend! And he'd been cheating on me with god knows how many women for 7 years! He said it was a game to him to see how long he could keep cheating without me finding out. He was and is a real prick! However, the divorce and subsequent bad blood between us really caused our children a lot of emotional distress. All 4 of them still bear the emotional scars from it.

So - if there's any way you can salvage the marriage and make it better - please try for your children's sake.

sorry that happened to you

hey if this dosent work out with the wife you wanna go get a beer

lol i am kidding sorry

I am going to do everything i can to make it work just right now it feels like i am fighting a up hill battle

[Jekka]

My grandparents were married for 52 years before my grandfather passed away, and when my mom and aunt reflected back on their marriage, the thing that came up the most was how much he loved my grandmother and how he always put her first, even before (though not at the expense of) their children.

What that did was (1) make the house a much more enjoyable place to be (2) enriched their marriage, and (3) set a good example for their children. My parents have been married 31 years, and they've always imparted that philosophy on my sister and me as well. Marriage is a shitload of work - it can be like having another full-time job during the harder times, but you have to believe that it's worth it and that you want it.

You can love your kids more than the world, but if you love your wife you need to show her that same consideration. My best friend grew up in a house where she wanted nothing more than for her parents to get divorced, because the marriage wasn't working and they weren't really trying to make it better. Don't put your kids through that. If you love your wife, then it shouldn't matter who makes the counseling appointment, just that it gets made and you both show up willing to work on things.

[Crookshanks]

sorry that happened to you

hey if this dosent work out with the wife you wanna go get a beer

lol i am kidding sorry

I am going to do everything i can to make it work just right now it feels like i am fighting a up hill battle
It was 20 years ago - but we still can't stand each other and we don't talk at all! It still causes problems for my kids and they're all grown now. My daughter is my youngest and she's getting married in April - I can hardly wait to see him and the step-monster again! :rollin

Seriously though - it has been hell on my kids because they've had to choose between their father and me so many times. It was not the life I wanted for my kids, but their father and stepmother just refused to be civil. Also, for various reasons, the kids lived with their father for a period of time. It was horrible on me and I missed out on so much in their lives.

Do whatever you have to do to get your wife to talk to you. You can share my experience with her and ask her if she really wants to be a single parent of 3 young children - or later down the line deal with the step-parent thing. It's really hard on the children. Try to remember why you fell in love and what attracted you and her to each other - and then build on that.

I wish you all the best!

[Taco]

she said we fight too much and i yell at her when we are fighting. oh and during football season i dident pay attion to her.

we have been married for 3 years and togther for 6 it all just came out of left filed.

All married couples fight :ihit

You just got to work through it.

Good Luck, We'll say a prayer for you and your family

[mrsmaalox]

I respect those who advise you to do whatever it takes to to make your marriage work for the sake of the children. And although I believe the children are the most important issue, I can't help but think back to my own childhood. I was raised in one of those homes where the marriage was salvaged for the sake of the kids. Both my parents made every effort to give us a happy life and a solid start. But there was always something, something miniscule that wasn't quite right. And oddly I always knew and always felt responsible for something I didn't understand. Took me into my 30's to work that out. Anyone have the same experience?

[pkbpkb81]

thankyou

[Crookshanks]

I respect those who advise you to do whatever it takes to to make your marriage work for the sake of the children. And although I believe the children are the most important issue, I can't help but think back to my own childhood. I was raised in one of those homes where the marriage was salvaged for the sake of the kids. Both my parents made every effort to give us a happy life and a solid start. But there was always something, something miniscule that wasn't quite right. And oddly I always knew and always felt responsible for something I didn't understand. Took me into my 30's to work that out. Anyone have the same experience?
Man - this thread is like therapy! But I did have that same experience. My dad was a "stuffer" - he'd let things just build up until he exploded with rage and it usually resulted in something getting broken. I knew there was something wrong and could sense the tension and I always felt like it must be my fault. I was the 2nd of four kids - so I was the over-achiever. I thought if I just worked harder and got good grades and was a "good" girl, then everything would be okay.

My dad left my mom after 38 years of marriage - after all us kids were grown and on our own. He hated my ex-husband for what he did to me; but it turns out my dad had cheated on my mom - so he wasn't any different! I was really upset when I found out. It was one of the reasons I moved away from Michigan and came to San Antonio - I had to get away from the situation because it was having a negative effect on my life. I was so angry at my dad that I didn't talk to him for 2 years!

But - I still think the best thing is to try to work things out. But if it comes down to a divorce or raising your kids in a very toxic environment - then it would probably be the lesser of two evils to get the divorce.

[j-6]

A little buzzer just went off in my head. Does she have a job at all? And do you work a regular job?

I thought the same thing, especially after Lebomb's post. I'm guessing she's a somewhat lonely housewife with a bit of a temper and he's a working stiff that hits the bottle when the wife is pissed off.

You're normal folks, my Sooner friend. It'll blow over.

[Twisted_Dawg]

Do whatever it takes to keep your kids nearby, either getting things straight with your wife and staying married, or making sure the kids stay here if you guys get divorced.

Preferable, get things straight between you and your wife. It ain't a picnic out here in the divorced world.

[The Franchise]

Man - this thread is like therapy! But I did have that same experience. My dad was a "stuffer" - he'd let things just build up until he exploded with rage and it usually resulted in something getting broken. I knew there was something wrong and could sense the tension and I always felt like it must be my fault. I was the 2nd of four kids - so I was the over-achiever. I thought if I just worked harder and got good grades and was a "good" girl, then everything would be okay.

My dad left my mom after 38 years of marriage - after all us kids were grown and on our own. He hated my ex-husband for what he did to me; but it turns out my dad had cheated on my mom - so he wasn't any different! I was really upset when I found out. It was one of the reasons I moved away from Michigan and came to San Antonio - I had to get away from the situation because it was having a negative effect on my life. I was so angry at my dad that I didn't talk to him for 2 years!

But - I still think the best thing is to try to work things out. But if it comes down to a divorce or raising your kids in a very toxic environment - then it would probably be the lesser of two evils to get the divorce.

I don't want you to take this the wrong way, so I want to make it clear that this isn't meant sarcastically. You shouldn't be giving this type of advise because it seems you haven't gotten over your own ordeal. After 20 years the anger you felt towards your husband should have been a distant memory, but it still seems rather fresh for you. It also seems you tied that anger in with the issues you had with your father as well. I agree the best thing to do is salvage your marriage if it is salvageable, but Mrs. Maloox is right. If two people are miserable together then they probably need to be apart, and it has nothing to do with the kids if the two work together to help them understand.

[Twisted_Dawg]

I respect those who advise you to do whatever it takes to to make your marriage work for the sake of the children. And although I believe the children are the most important issue, I can't help but think back to my own childhood. I was raised in one of those homes where the marriage was salvaged for the sake of the kids. Both my parents made every effort to give us a happy life and a solid start. But there was always something, something miniscule that wasn't quite right. And oddly I always knew and always felt responsible for something I didn't understand. Took me into my 30's to work that out. Anyone have the same experience?

Have you ever thought how your life might have been had your parents divorced? Your mom and dad might have been at each others throats, one or both might have remarried (perhaps a couple of more times each) and you would have had step parents or step brothers/sisters to deal with, financially things might have been a lot more tight.

[2centsworth]

I don't want you to take this the wrong way, so I want to make it clear that this isn't meant sarcastically. You shouldn't be giving this type of advise because it seems you haven't gotten over your own ordeal. After 20 years the anger you felt towards your husband should have been a distant memory, but it still seems rather fresh for you. It also seems you tied that anger in with the issues you had with your father as well. I agree the best thing to do is salvage your marriage if it is salvageable, but Mrs. Maloox is right. If two people are miserable together then they probably need to be apart, and it has nothing to do with the kids if the two work together to help them understand.

sometimes people mistake tough times as being miserable. Maybe one or both are just selfish bastards and need to check themselves. At a minimum they need to give counseling a shot. However, if infidelity is involved all bets are off.

[pkbpkb81]

I thought the same thing, especially after Lebomb's post. I'm guessing she's a somewhat lonely housewife with a bit of a temper and he's a working stiff that hits the bottle when the wife is pissed off.

You're normal folks, my Sooner friend. It'll blow over.

Yeah the wife stays home with them kids, and takes care of a few other kids for extra money.

then i work late from 1-10 and some times go in early

[mrsmaalox]

Have you ever thought how your life might have been had your parents divorced? Your mom and dad might have been at each others throats, one or both might have remarried (perhaps a couple of more times each) and you would have had step parents or step brothers/sisters to deal with, financially things might have been a lot more tight.

Believe me I've thought about that a lot. Unfortunately the only conclusion I could ever come up with is being sorry that they both lived their lives that way and never had true love or happiness.

[Jekka]

Yeah the wife stays home with them kids, and takes care of a few other kids for extra money.

then i work late from 1-10 and some times go in early

Dude, not only are you her husband, you're probably one of the only adults she comes into contact with every day. You really should take more time out to engage her in conversation that's more meaningful than, "No I haven't seen your sippy-cup, where did you last have it?"

[tlongII]

Do you love your wife?

If you do, stay married.

If you don't, get a divorce.

Simple as that.

[pkbpkb81]

A little buzzer just went off in my head. Does she have a job at all? And do you work a regular job?

sorry i missed this earlyer she is a stay at home mom

[2centsworth]

Do you love your wife?

If you do, stay married.

If you don't, get a divorce.

Simple as that.

not so simple to understand what love really is. some mistake it for boners.

[whottt]

Is she Catholic? If so it will probably work out...if not it probably won't.

[The Franchise]

sometimes people mistake tough times as being miserable. Maybe one or both are just selfish bastards and need to check themselves. At a minimum they need to give counseling a shot. However, if infidelity is involved all bets are off.

This was true in my case. We saved the marriage by realizing we were not showing the proper level of respect to one another. We had to really make our marriage a partnership and come to the realization that neither of us was in charge of the other. It takes a lot of patience to find common ground but if you can get into the habit of doing so things run a lot more smoothly.

[Crookshanks]

I'm not angry at my ex-husband - he and his wife are the ones that refused to move on and be civil. I've done my best to step back and not make things harder for my kids - even when it meant that I've come out on the short end of things. I have to admit I'm still a little angry at how he treated the kids and how difficult he's made things for them over the years. But the kids are all grown now and married - so whatever relationship they have with their father is up to them - I just don't like it when he makes them choose between us when it comes to holidays and family gatherings, etc.

Also - my issues with my father did affect my relationships and it took counseling to see that I kept picking men who were emotionally unavailable in the hopes of "fixing" the past relationship with my father. All that stuff is a long way in the past - I was just trying to share my experiences in the hopes it would help him make a more informed decision.

BTW - have you ever gone through a VERY acrimonious divorce? When the other party refuses to be civil, even after 20 years, and there are children involved, you have to live with it for the rest of your life because it affects holidays, weddings, birthdays, and even the relationship with your grandchildren!

[tlongII]

not so simple to understand what love really is. some mistake it for boners.

I disagree. It should at least be easy to recognize when you aren't in love.

[tHe210rObInHoOd]

sorry bro, I feel for you.

Here's my two cents: If you have three young kids and your wife is able to say she wants a divorce out of the blue there might be someone else in the picture. Not saying that this is the case, but I've seen this too many times. If I were you I would just be mature about the entire situation and keep your distance from her. Give her time to figure out what it is that she really wants, and when she figures it out she can talk to you then. If she acts like she doesn't want to talk, then just don't talk to her. From a physchological stand-point, if she really wants her space and you keep trying to force conversation with her, it will only push her farther away from you. Sounds like a tough situation...

[desflood]

Dude, not only are you her husband, you're probably one of the only adults she comes into contact with every day. You really should take more time out to engage her in conversation that's more meaningful than, "No I haven't seen your sippy-cup, where did you last have it?"
Bingo!

I especially wondered when he said that she complained about football season. If he works 12 hours five days a week, goes to the bar Saturday night (not saying that's what he does, it's just an example) and is glued to the tv all day Sunday for football... that leaves Saturday morning. Any person, no matter how dedicated to their kids, need more than 4 hours of adult conversation a week :lol The poor girl probably never even gets to go to the store by herself!

[BacktoBasics]

Staying married for the sake of the kids is the worst thing you could possibly do.

Offer her 8 months of therapy. 8 months of a trial basis is reasonable.

Give her at least 3 days a month where she can get out of the house while you stay home with the kids. This will give her some freedom she probably didn't have before.

During football season you're probably going to have to pay a little extra attention if you're going to ignore her during the game. If she can't understand or deal with that I'd consider it a red flag. Cut back on the booze. Don't quite just cut back.

Like I said give it 8 months of couples therapy and give her the ability to remove herself from you and the kids a few nights a month. You two should go out for dinner (without the kids) at least twice a month so you can talk peacefully.

If it doesn't work or there hasn't been significant progress after 8 months don't drag it out any further.

[The Franchise]

sorry bro, I feel for you.

Here's my two cents: If you have three young kids and your wife is able to say she wants a divorce out of the blue there might be someone else in the picture. Not saying that this is the case, but I've seen this too many times. If I were you I would just be mature about the entire situation and keep your distance from her. Give her time to figure out what it is that she really wants, and when she figures it out she can talk to you then. If she acts like she doesn't want to talk, then just don't talk to her. From a physchological stand-point, if she really wants her space and you keep trying to force conversation with her, it will only push her farther away from you. Sounds like a tough situation...

If she is cheating then how do you save the marriage? Once the trust is gone things will never be the same.

[desflood]

Staying married for the sake of the kids is the worst thing you could possibly do.

Offer her 8 months of therapy. 8 months of a trial basis is reasonable.

Give her at least 3 days a month where she can get out of the house while you stay home with the kids. This will give her some freedom she probably didn't have before.

During football season you're probably going to have to pay a little extra attention if you're going to ignore her during the game. If she can't understand or deal with that I'd consider it a red flag. Cut back on the booze. Don't quite just cut back.

Like I said give it 8 months of couples therapy and give her the ability to remove herself from you and the kids a few nights a month. You two should go out for dinner (without the kids) at least twice a month so you can talk peacefully.

If it doesn't work or there hasn't been significant progress after 8 months don't drag it out any further.
And whatever you do, do NOT take relationship advice from this man. :p:

[2centsworth]

I disagree. It should at least be easy to recognize when you aren't in love.

not to go extreme on you, but just look at abuse victims. many people haven't a clue what love is.

[2centsworth]

Staying married for the sake of the kids is the worst thing you could possibly do.

Offer her 8 months of therapy. 8 months of a trial basis is reasonable.

Give her at least 3 days a month where she can get out of the house while you stay home with the kids. This will give her some freedom she probably didn't have before.

During football season you're probably going to have to pay a little extra attention if you're going to ignore her during the game. If she can't understand or deal with that I'd consider it a red flag. Cut back on the booze. Don't quite just cut back.

Like I said give it 8 months of couples therapy and give her the ability to remove herself from you and the kids a few nights a month. You two should go out for dinner (without the kids) at least twice a month so you can talk peacefully.

If it doesn't work or there hasn't been significant progress after 8 months don't drag it out any further.


all this giving her ...and offering her.... very business like.

[tHe210rObInHoOd]

If she is cheating then how do you save the marriage? Once the trust is gone things will never be the same.

agreed if that's indeed the case... if you can't trust someone you should not date them. once a cheat, always a cheat... once a liar, always a liar.

[tlongII]

not to go extreme on you, but just look at abuse victims. many people haven't a clue what love is.

Eh, you may be right about that. I probably personalized my statement too much.

[clambake]

he's right. staying married just for the sake of the kids spells disaster.

[BacktoBasics]

And whatever you do, do NOT take relationship advice from this man. :p:

and to think this is what I posted after deleting what I would have personally done.



all this giving her ...and offering her.... very business like.

Its not all about giving and offering its about coming to terms with the fact that he's selfishly ignored her ability to operate under her own terms. He should have been allowing her personal time to begin with so no better time than now to offer up a little space for her to come back into her own shoes again.

The 8 months of counseling gives them time to air things out and make a reasonable assessment of the relationship while seeking 3rd party help. It'll also hopefully soften the blow if things don't work out because they would have had 8 months to see that things aren't going to go according to the original plan.

Everything in life is give and take and compromise. Just like a business. Its only "business" like when you have to do all that and you don't want to. IE the love is gone and the relationship has soured.

[2centsworth]

Its not all about giving and offering its about coming to terms with the fact that he's selfishly ignored her ability to operate under her own terms. He should have been allowing her personal time to begin with so no better time than now to offer up a little space for her to come back into her own shoes again.

The 8 months of counseling gives them time to air things out and make a reasonable assessment of the relationship while seeking 3rd party help. It'll also hopefully soften the blow if things don't work out because they would have had 8 months to see that things aren't going to go according to the original plan.

Everything in life is give and take and compromise. Just like a business. Its only "business" like when you have to do all that and you don't want to. IE the love is gone and the relationship has soured.

not too shabby.

[pkbpkb81]

Staying married for the sake of the kids is the worst thing you could possibly do.

Offer her 8 months of therapy. 8 months of a trial basis is reasonable.

Give her at least 3 days a month where she can get out of the house while you stay home with the kids. This will give her some freedom she probably didn't have before.

During football season you're probably going to have to pay a little extra attention if you're going to ignore her during the game. If she can't understand or deal with that I'd consider it a red flag. Cut back on the booze. Don't quite just cut back.

Like I said give it 8 months of couples therapy and give her the ability to remove herself from you and the kids a few nights a month. You two should go out for dinner (without the kids) at least twice a month so you can talk peacefully.

If it doesn't work or there hasn't been significant progress after 8 months don't drag it out any further.

thats the other thing she never wants to get a sitter and go out just the 2 of us. she has a monthly girls night and i play poker twice a month but she never wants us to have our time becuse she wont leave the kids at home.

i was 22 and she was 20 when we meet so i would understand if she wants to be able to go out with her frinds more but she never wants to do anything.
and she really want to move to idaho where her family is and i told her if we can find jobs there i would do it but they live in a small ass town with no place to work

[pkbpkb81]

everyone seem's to think she is cheating she has never givein me a reson to think that but i also never thought my marriage was in trouble so what the hell do i know



Thankyou SpursTalk for all the replies

[peewee's lovechild]

This sucks, man.

I can't possibly see myself with out my daughter. She's my everything.

Look, I'm willing to do whatever to make sure I don't lose my daughter. But, I'm happy doing it. I guess that's what it all balls down to.

If you're happy placating your wife and giving her what she needs to be satisfied, including spending more time with her, giving her time on her own, and stopping the drinking, then by all means do it.

But, if giving up all those things makes you unhappy, then don't do it.

Just know that if you chose the drinking and going out, you're also giving up on your kids, no matter how much you say you want them in your life.

I've given up a lot for my daughter lately. But, I'm okay with it. I'm happy with it.

I would sell my soul to the devil to make sure that I don't lose my child.

[peewee's lovechild]

i would understand if she wants to be able to go out with her frinds more but she never wants to do anything.

Damn, I'm familiar with this.

[pkbpkb81]

This sucks, man.

I can't possibly see myself with out my daughter. She's my everything.

Look, I'm willing to do whatever to make sure I don't lose my daughter. But, I'm happy doing it. I guess that's what it all balls down to.

If you're happy placating your wife and giving her what she needs to be satisfied, including spending more time with her, giving her time on her own, and stopping the drinking, then by all means do it.

But, if giving up all those things makes you unhappy, then don't do it.

Just know that if you chose the drinking and going out, you're also giving up on your kids, no matter how much you say you want them in your life.

I've given up a lot for my daughter lately. But, I'm okay with it. I'm happy with it.

I would sell my soul to the devil to make sure that I don't lose my child.
i am doing everything i can to give her the space i am sleeping at a freinds and getting up at 6am to see my kids before i go to work then i go home at 10 when i get off go into there rooms tuck them in and leave again to do it all over again the next day pluse they were with me all weekend and i even invited the wife to the zoo with us which she said yes to and then acted like a ass the whole time and the kids knew something was wrong.

this suck i love my kids and my wife and dont wanna lose my family and what i thank all this boils down to is she wants to live closer to her family.

and yesterday when i told her she could go i wont stop her but the kids stay here well it dident go over veary well

[I. Hustle]

I hate supper bitches

[possessed]

Good lord man, this is your chance out!!! Don't waste it! If you're a good father I doubt she'll be able to take your kids out of state if you don't want her to. If you're a bad father maybe it would be best if she did.

Basically. In most cases the court will find both parents to be suitable unless one of you has convictions of abuse against either children or has abandoned them. This will give joint custody to you both with her getting "primary" custody. This means the children's primary residence will be with her, while they likely see you every other weekend, or whatever the parenting plan the two of you come up with through mediation or otherwise suggests. In joint custody agreements the primary parent must keep a residence within reasonable distance for you to visit your children per the visitation guidelines. You can give consent for her to move afar, and work out other visitation arrangements, but it doesn't sound like you would.

So yeah, this is your chance at freedom. It's unlikely she'll be able to take the children out of state without your consent.

[ploto]

i haven't been a good husban but i am a great dad

You aren't being a great dad if you are a bad husband to their mother. They see and hear everything.

[peewee's lovechild]

i am doing everything i can to give her the space i am sleeping at a freinds and getting up at 6am to see my kids before i go to work then i go home at 10 when i get off go into there rooms tuck them in and leave again to do it all over again the next day pluse they were with me all weekend and i even invited the wife to the zoo with us which she said yes to and then acted like a ass the whole time and the kids knew something was wrong.

this suck i love my kids and my wife and dont wanna lose my family and what i thank all this boils down to is she wants to live closer to her family.

and yesterday when i told her she could go i wont stop her but the kids stay here well it dident go over veary well

If you're doing your part, then don't sweat it.

If she's homesick, then that's her problem. She needs to grow up.

I think you did right in telling her that if she want's to go it's okay but that the kids stay.

I have a cousin who's married to a real bitch who was always threatening with divorce. Her problem was that she missed mom and dad. Her parents live in Florida.

He tried everything, but that petulant bitch was trying to force him to move to Florida. She even told him that he wouldn't be getting sex anymore.

It pretty much ended with him telling her that she had to decide between staying with the family in Texas, or leaving to Florida on her own.

She's never asked for a divorce since. But, she's still a spoiled little bitch.

However the relationship is between he and his wife, that dude always has a blast with the kids. He's a damn good father and the kids adore him.

[jack sommerset]

Should have never married her

[pkbpkb81]

You aren't being a great dad if you are a bad husband to their mother. They see and hear everything.

when i saw i haven't been a good husban it's not like iam beating her or yelling at her in front of the kids. our commication is bad and she is the type of person that getts mad at something and sits on it for 3 months then blows :ihitup then comes at me and of coures i dont let her say what she needs to i get pissed too and a small fight about leaveing mustard out (when she's really mad that i stayed out too late 3 months earlyer) turns in to a big thing

[01Snake]

Push her down some stairs. Problem solved.

[Jekka]

when i saw i haven't been a good husban it's not like iam beating her or yelling at her in front of the kids. our commication is bad and she is the type of person that getts mad at something and sits on it for 3 months then blows :ihitup then comes at me and of coures i dont let her say what she needs to i get pissed too and a small fight about leaveing mustard out (when she's really mad that i stayed out too late 3 months earlyer) turns in to a big thing

Yeah, you two need to learn how to argue productively. Counseling can help with that. Also, if you recognize that she's upset about something when it happens, take the initiative and talk about it then instead of letting her stew on it.

[pkbpkb81]

Push her down some stairs. Problem solved.

you know if i did that then i would go to jail and not get to see my kids so that dosent really work for me

[SequSpur]

Dude, you just need to hit it harder and longer and bring her some ice cream. The rest of this advice is fucking gay..

especially from peeps in this forum who have never sniffed marriage...

Sometimes you go through these hurdles and you have to stay strong and be patient with each other. Think long term instead of that day and shit will happen for the good.

With three little kids, it's got to be frickin hell right now, because you have no fuckin life, because your life revolves around being a daycare center. Tough it out, the rewards will come and shit will get better.

Been there....

Go Spurs.

[pkbpkb81]

Dude, you just need to hit it harder and longer and bring her some ice cream. The rest of this advice is fucking gay..

especially from peeps in this forum who have never sniffed marriage...

Sometimes you go through these hurdles and you have to stay strong and be patient with each other. Think long term instead of that day and shit will happen for the good.

With three little kids, it's got to be frickin hell right now, because you have no fuckin life, because your life revolves around being a daycare center. Tough it out, the rewards will come and shit will get better.

Been there....

Go Spurs.


thanks man

[SequSpur]

dude.. tomorrow on your way home from work, stop by baskin robbins and pick up a quart of ice cream for her. don't get anything else, nothing for the kids, just her. oh and make sure it's one that she likes.. works everytime.

[Frenzy]

thanks man

married for 7 years.

major prob at 2 years....and 4 years and 5 years. Been free of major prob since. But i reckon it won't be the last...No marriage is perfect. None.

You need to examine the problem...something lead to this. Fix it...and try your hardest to do it. Both of yall... a marriage is not one sided. Good luck man ....seriously.

[fotan2]

take it easy ,bro . i think it will end up getting well , although i am not married .

my parent were on the verge of divorcing once when i was a child(can't recall the reason), eventually it was like nothing has happened .

however , you need to make some moves .

[desflood]

If she's homesick, then that's her problem. She needs to grow up.
That's... not necessarily a fair statement. It's kind of difficult to be a young mom stuck in the house all the time with a lot of little children and no family around. Especially if you feel invisible even to your own spouse. It's very easy to get depressed in that situation.

She might actually be depressed, in which case the counseling would be an even better idea.

[ploto]

when i saw i haven't been a good husban it's not like iam beating her or yelling at her in front of the kids.

Neglect can be just as damaging to a marriage as abuse.

[TDMVPDPOY]

how old are your kids?

so you have 8months with counseling and stuff??

thats a good period where you can start transfering ur house/car/bank title to me or ur parents.....:D:D

alimony is a biatch, but if you have children? do the responsible thing and pay child support.....

ps. theres an old saying, never teach a couple how to divorce, teach them how to mend their relationship

[marini martini]

I'm gonna add my 2 cents here for a moment. In every marriage that is successful, both sides must want it, #1. If you want it, then you both must definitely make the time to be alone together at least once a month. Get a sitter, take her out to dinner, have a few drinks together, loosen up and relax. Just talk, talk about anything and everything. "Date night" is detrimental to a successful marriage, I don't care how long you've been married., even if you have kids at home or not.

Yeah, it's nice you let her out once a month to be with her girlfriends. But that shit can come back and bite you in the ass. Especially if some of her girlfriends are miserable in their own personal relationships. Usually in that case, they all feed off one another, and become each other's drama coach.

I would start with baby steps, and try Sequ's advice. Bring something home for just her only. Show and tell her how much you apreciate her, and what a great Mother you think she is.

If neither of you can agree to spend one night a month alone together for a few hours away from the kids, then screw it. The marriage is pretty much a lost cause.

Good luck!:toast

[TDMVPDPOY]

Yeah, it's nice you let her out once a month to be with her girlfriends. But that shit can come back and bite you in the ass. Especially if some of her girlfriends are miserable in their own personal relationships. Usually in that case, they all feed off one another, and become each other's drama coach.


gfs are dogs man, they are bad influences expecially the single moms and hoes, they think they know everything and usually give out bs advices.......

[Obstructed_View]

when i saw i haven't been a good husban it's not like iam beating her or yelling at her in front of the kids. our commication is bad and she is the type of person that getts mad at something and sits on it for 3 months then blows :ihitup then comes at me and of coures i dont let her say what she needs to i get pissed too and a small fight about leaveing mustard out (when she's really mad that i stayed out too late 3 months earlyer) turns in to a big thing

Either you're too selfish to admit that you have a hand in making her unhappy, or she's doing something wrong and is conflicted about it. Get to the bottom of it, and either grow up or kick her ass to the curb. Time to put on your investigator hat for the good of your kids.

[lebomb]

There are some things Ive learned through two marriages........... you should always treat your spouse with respect and give them love and attention. I also learned that you should not have to FORCE someone to love you. You shouldnt have to buy them newer cars, jewelry.....and gift after gift after gift. It should not take all that. Its not marriage if you have to force someone to be happy with you as a spouse. Case in point.....I know a person right now going thru a divorce. Dude is like the perfect guy....always respected his wife, put her on a pedestal.....but he had to keep her happy by showering her with gifts and money throughout their marriage. Well, she ended up cheating on him. Now they are going thru a divorce and she came to her senses and wants to stay married. Too late! My friend grew tired of struggling to get her love.

[DarkReign]

My grandparents were married for 52 years before my grandfather passed away, and when my mom and aunt reflected back on their marriage, the thing that came up the most was how much he loved my grandmother and how he always put her first, even before (though not at the expense of) their children.

Married couples want some advice?

There it is. Put your spouse first, not your kids. When a spouse (usually the husband) becomes thrid on your list, the marriage is over....just a matter of time.

Its a "think of te children!" kind of country and we wonder why divorice rates are so high.

[Blake]

I don't think it's about putting wife before kids or vice versa but you are close. There are certain situations where one should take priority over the other.

pbkpblkblpbpbk81 mentioned that his wife was pissed that he was putting sports ahead of her, and then after she basically cries for attention what does he do? he goes on a nice long drinking binge.

It's no wonder she's pissed. She's at home changing diapers, bottles, doing laundry and all the other things that come with three little crying kids and I bet pbkkbkbkb tells her "I work long hours to pay these bills, I am too tired to help you, where's my dinner" or other things along those lines.

Point being, stop being a selfish prick and put yourself and the things you want to do dead last.

[DarkReign]

I don't think it's about putting wife before kids or vice versa but you are close. There are certain situations where one should take priority over the other.

It was more of a rule of thumb to be adhered to, but youre right.


pbkpblkblpbpbk81 mentioned that his wife was pissed that he was putting sports ahead of her, and then after she basically cries for attention what does he do? he goes on a nice long drinking binge.

It's no wonder she's pissed. She's at home changing diapers, bottles, doing laundry and all the other things that come with three little crying kids and I bet pbkkbkbkb tells her "I work long hours to pay these bills, I am too tired to help you, where's my dinner" or other things along those lines.

Point being, stop being a selfish prick and put yourself and the things you want to do dead last.

Youre probably not too far from the truth. Love the name, btw :lmao

[lebomb]

pbkpblkblpbpbk81 mentioned that his wife was pissed that he was putting sports ahead of her, and then after she basically cries for attention what does he do? he goes on a nice long drinking binge.

It's no wonder she's pissed. She's at home changing diapers, bottles, doing laundry and all the other things that come with three little crying kids

Point being, stop being a selfish prick and put yourself and the things you want to do dead last.


Damn......you may be right about something finally. :hat

[SpursWoman]

I was ridiculously happy the day my divorce was final, so I don't know how much help I'd be ... but you really, really have to put her & your relationship above all else. It's rule number 1 in Family/Child Development, seriously.

The kids will grow up and move away and make their own lives and form their own relationships, and the two of you will be all you have left. You just can't use them as a crutch to get through the next 18 years or so, because then you'll end up in your 50's and miserable.

Good luck!


And oh ... the whole lots o'nailing and the ice cream thing is pretty right on. :lol

[IronMexican]

Blake speaking da troof:tu

[to21]

I know this might be hard to do with small kids but..........

Let her move back in with her Mom/Dad for at least six weeks.

She'll be back in four.

Worked for me. Good luck, Bro.

[Bigzax]

good luck.

[pkbpkb81]

thanks for all the advcie and some of that was not too far off. I would love for her to get to move back in with her parents but there in idaho so thats not going to happen.

we have both been wrong in this i dont help around the house enough and she dosent ever wanna have the date night we had a long talk about it last night and are going to do the church counsleing i called them this morring

thankyou all

well most of you lol

and if we do end up divorced i am going to throw a divorce party at one of the strip clubs in town your all invited

[lebomb]

thanks for all the advcie and some of that was not too far off. I would love for her to get to move back in with her parents but there in idaho so thats not going to happen.

we have both been wrong in this i dont help around the house enough and she dosent ever wanna have the date night we had a long talk about it last night and are going to do the church counsleing i called them this morring

thankyou all

well most of you lol

and if we do end up divorced i am going to throw a divorce party at one of the strip clubs in town your all invited


Yo man......dont puss out!

See in my house I run thangs........my wife cant say shit as to what I do, I run the show. I do what I want when I want and she better not even say anything!!! And further more! ............ :wow Oh shit, here she comes man.....gotta go!

[leemajors]

you should probably skip the divorce party at a strip club and take your kids to chuck e cheese instead. just a thought.

[DisgruntledLionFan#54,927]

you should probably skip the divorce party at a strip club and take your kids to chuck e cheese instead. just a thought.

Blasphemy.

Both can be done on the same day.

[ploto]

I was ridiculously happy the day my divorce was final

http://www.jetsinsider.net/forums/images/smilies/hi5.gif

[leemajors]

Blasphemy.

Both can be done on the same day.

i feel chastened for my lack of foresight.

[pkbpkb81]

you should probably skip the divorce party at a strip club and take your kids to chuck e cheese instead. just a thought.

chucky chees is this weekend it's the boy's birthday he will be 3


well is birthday is friday the 13th but i have to work that weekend

[JoeChalupa]

Marriage is a two-way street and it can be very hard to make it work. All I can say is ask yourself if you are still in love with her. You may still love her but are you IN love with her still?
I wish you all the best and I can totally understand where you are coming from when it comes to your kids.

[pkbpkb81]

i was thaniking about ordering her a vermont tebby bear for v-day has anyone done that

I have to work one weekend a month and that is the one for feb. and theres no way out weekends are blacked out

but i dont want something to be sent to the house for her and flowers are played out

[JoeChalupa]

Maybe you all need to go out on a date and talk. Communication is the key. You can't deal with the issues if you don't talk about them.

[desflood]

i was thaniking about ordering her a vermont tebby bear for v-day has anyone done that
That's a GREAT idea for a more personal Valentine's Day. I got one a couple of years ago and just loved it.

[IronMexican]

Are those Vefmont Teddy Bears expensive?

[Blake]

.....and flowers are played out

I must have missed the memo.

[pkbpkb81]

I must have missed the memo.

theres no thanking behind flowers. So i was trying to come up with something a little more out side the box

[lebomb]

theres no thanking behind flowers. So i was trying to come up with something a little more out side the box


Tupperware???

[Blake]

theres no thanking behind flowers. So i was trying to come up with something a little more out side the box

then instead of buying her crap that will get thrown in the back of the closet in a couple of days, how bout cooking her dinner......or if you have to buy her something, get her a massage gift certificate and you watch the kids while she goes.

My wife would much rather go to the massage place than get flowers or bears or any other crap that comes with V-day.

[pkbpkb81]

then instead of buying her crap that will get thrown in the back of the closet in a couple of days, how bout cooking her dinner......or if you have to buy her something, get her a massage gift certificate and you watch the kids while she goes.

My wife would much rather go to the massage place than get flowers or bears or any other crap that comes with V-day.

cant do the dinner am working that day as i said before

[SequSpur]

cant do the dinner am working that day as i said before

how come you haven't went and picked her up some ice cream? try it and come back and post.

don't wait for a fuckin holiday to do something, that's expected. dude, you're going to have to be gay because u don't get it.

[Blake]

cant do the dinner am working that day as i said before

either you are dense or you are just looking for an excuse to get out.

enjoy the single life.

[ididnotnothat]

Is your wife sentimental? Do have any keepsakes from your dating days or that have a special meaning for the both of you? Create your own gift basket and put some real thought into it. Include her favorites, and you'd better know what they are, items that she enjoys. Be it beauty products, snacks, books, perfumes and include some nice personal love notes about maybe a great evening you all had or a nice picture of the two of you during better times. Something that you've put some time and effort in could work wonders and show her how sincere you are about your marriage. Good luck.

[pkbpkb81]

Is your wife sentimental? Do have any keepsakes from your dating days or that have a special meaning for the both of you? Create your own gift basket and put some real thought into it. Include her favorites, and you'd better know what they are, items that she enjoys. Be it beauty products, snacks, books, perfumes and include some nice personal love notes about maybe a great evening you all had or a nice picture of the two of you during better times. Something that you've put some time and effort in could work wonders and show her how sincere you are about your marriage. Good luck.

everyday since i started posting on here i have brought home little thing for her. until last night at about 830 last night i got a call from the wife shr had let my 2 year old son play with a glass candal, my daughter who is 4 wanted said candal the fought over it and the candal broke my daughter the fell into the candal and i came home early and took her to get stiches (becuse the wife would let a family meber or freinds watch the kids) now i got home at 300am from the er so i put the kid to bed and slept on the couch. This morning i asked nikki (the wife) what happened she told me and i then asked why they were playing with it she said becuse when she told them no the cryed. So I then told her she has to be more firm with them at that point she blow up and said she has been thanking about it and can't forgive me for the last 6 years and will not go to counsleing and is filing for divorce. she already has a lawyer.

[pkbpkb81]

also she takes care of her best friends kids and this bitch's oldes daughter is 4 and she asked my when Madison (my daughter) is getting a new daddy this was before the wife told me she dident wanna work on things

[desflood]

Sorry to hear that. Glad your daughter is all right, though.

If she has a lawyer, you need one. Get yourself to family court and make sure you get a fair custody agreement.

[I. Hustle]

i feel chastened for my lack of foreskin.

TMI

[JoeChalupa]

also she takes care of her best friends kids and this bitch's oldes daughter is 4 and she asked my when Madison (my daughter) is getting a new daddy this was before the wife told me she dident wanna work on things

Sounds like she wants out. I truly wish you all the best with your children. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now.

[pkbpkb81]

Sounds like she wants out. I truly wish you all the best with your children. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now.

she dose and thats fine but there is no reson to talk about it in front of the kids

i am so mad right nowshe said she has been unhappy for 6 years hell we have only been married for 3 years

[Bigzax]

sorry your kiddo got hurt, but i'd go ahead and use that in court against your wife to get custody.

what can't she forgive you for the past 6 years about?

[lebomb]

she dose and thats fine but there is no reson to talk about it in front of the kids

i am so mad right nowshe said she has been unhappy for 6 years hell we have only been married for 3 years


Usually a woman with several young kids does not want out of a marriage. Im willing to bet there is more to this story. Women need a backup plan before they commit to breaking up the family........like several instances I know about, including my own. Start snooping man. I wouldnt doubt if there isnt someone of her interest that is available. JMHO.

Also the Ive been unhappy for 6yrs is typical cheaters lingo. Noone stays in a marriage that long or has kids if they were truly unhappy. Cheaters like to rewrite history.

I remember when my Ex would say periodically throughout our marriage that ..........."this is the happiest day of my life".............." I love you so much"........" I love you more than anything".........only for her to say she was unhappy for almost our entire marriage. That was BS......she said it because there was someone else she wanted to be with.

Snoop. :hat

[pkbpkb81]

sorry your kiddo got hurt, but i'd go ahead and use that in court against your wife to get custody.

what can't she forgive you for the past 6 years about?

she said when i get mad i am scary. i know i get loud but there's never been anything phyiscal. she went on to say that she is home sick and is going to move to idaho i told her i would buy her a one way ticket but the kids arent going

[pkbpkb81]

Usually women with several young kids does not want out of a marriage. Im willing to bet there is more to this story. Women need a backup plan before they commit to breaking up the family........like several instances I know about, including my own. Start snooping man. I wouldnt doubt if there isnt someone of her interest that is available. JMHO. :hat

you could be right if she dosent wanna be with me thats fine she can leave but i wont give up on keeping my kids

[lebomb]

Also the Ive been unhappy for 6yrs is typical cheaters lingo. Noone stays in a marriage that long or has kids if they were truly unhappy. Cheaters like to rewrite history.

I remember when my Ex would say periodically throughout our marriage that ..........."this is the happiest day of my life".............." I love you so much"........" I love you more than anything".........only for her to say she was unhappy for almost our entire marriage. That was BS......she said it because there was someone else she wanted to be with.

Snoop. :hat


The above was added for you as well pkbpkb81.................. FYI

[desflood]

I don't buy lebomb's theory that she's cheating. Let's be honest here - a permanently tired, grumpy woman with probably very little money and three small children is hardly a great catch for any man.

[lebomb]

I don't buy lebomb's theory that she's cheating. Let's be honest here - a permanently tired, grumpy woman with probably very little money and three small children is hardly a great catch for any man.

LOL.................this exact thing just happened to a friend of mine. The other guy probably doesnt want to marry her..........he just wants to hit it. So its entirely possible. :rolleyes

[desflood]

Many things are possible, but most of them are less than likely.

[JoeChalupa]

I remember when my Ex would say periodically throughout our marriage that ..........."this is the happiest day of my life".............." I love you so much"........" I love you more than anything"........only for her to say she was unhappy for almost our entire marriage. That was BS......she said it because there was someone else she wanted to be with.

Snoop. :hat

Damn...I hear that all the time. :wow

But I'm not worried.

[Jekka]

she said when i get mad i am scary. i know i get loud but there's never been anything phyiscal. she went on to say that she is home sick and is going to move to idaho i told her i would buy her a one way ticket but the kids arent going

You don't have to be hitting to be scary. For some people, yelling is all it takes for someone to come off as really frightening - especially people that don't like to argue to begin with. If someone is yelling at me, the odds of me being able to state my case rationally are really, really small. Getting yelled at when you don't yell back can also be incredibly demeaning.

I'm also going to agree with desflood - I doubt she's cheating. Very few people would walk into a train wreck like that willingly.

[pkbpkb81]

You don't have to be hitting to be scary. For some people, yelling is all it takes for someone to come off as really frightening - especially people that don't like to argue to begin with. If someone is yelling at me, the odds of me being able to state my case rationally are really, really small. Getting yelled at when you don't yell back can also be incredibly demeaning.

I'm also going to agree with desflood - I doubt she's cheating. Very few people would walk into a train wreck like that willingly.

look i know i haveen't always gone about things the right way but if she was than unhappy to whole 6 years why after 3 of thoese did she wanna marrie me

[Jekka]

look i know i haveen't always gone about things the right way but if she was than unhappy to whole 6 years why after 3 of thoese did she wanna marrie me

Oh I'm not defending her decision - I think she's been pretty irresponsible herself, it was really just to explicate the other perspective. Whatever happens in this particular relationship, learning how to communicate effectively will be important in the future. Not everyone will fight back with you the way you would with someone else to be heard. You just can't expect people to react to everything the same way you do.

[koriwhat]

i'm no therapist or anything but let me tell you that divorce has a huge impact on children. it did on me and only until i was around the age of 21-22 did i realize that my mother made the right choice in leaving my father. i don't talk to my father to this day if that tells you anything.

sometimes people just aren't meant to be together and regardless of whatever reason your wife has for wanting a divorce i am sure there is no reason you can give her for not wanting one. i don't believe divorce therapy works in the first place just like i don't believe psychiatry works.

what i do believe is that people are good at talking to those who are in desperate times in need of advice to sit down and listen, take in, and work things out... until the next time comes around when the divorce papers are thrown in your face and there is no more working things out.

i don't know what to tell you bro but as much as i can tell you are a great father and you should try to keep it that way. you don't want your children to hate you when they are all grown up. just stay a great father and your children will understand when they grow up that the divorce had nothing to do with them.

for whatever reason some people just aren't meant to be together for the long haul.

[Dr.Phil]

Marriage counseling DOES work and I've seen it with my own eyes. Not every marriage can be saved but many can when the communication lines are open and honest.

[koriwhat]

Marriage counseling DOES work and I've seen it with my own eyes. Not every marriage can be saved but many can when the communication lines are open and honest.

stop it already! everytime i see your damn avatar i read your comments as such with a damn dr phil accent. fuck!

[ploto]

Women need a backup plan before they commit to breaking up the family.

I do not know this person nor do I want to accuse anyone of anything, but I will attest to the general truth of this statement. If she already has a lawyer before she ever said anything to you, then she was not sincere about asking you to go to counseling. If she wanted to save her marriage, counseling discussions would have come before hiring an attorney.

Either it's another man or she really does plan to move back in with her family in Idaho who are encouraging her to do this. From what you have said- she is in no position financially to support herself and these children even with child support.

She must have some sort of plan- because I am sure the attorney has told her how to set things up. And you being unsuspecting means she may have been plotting or planning for a while (been there, done that).

[JoeChalupa]

Well, you do need a plan. I know I would.

Joint bank accounts? Joint property?
If she cleaned out your savings then YES, she has a plan.

[DisgruntledLionFan#54,927]

I don't buy lebomb's theory that she's cheating. Let's be honest here - a permanently tired, grumpy woman with probably very little money and three small children is hardly a great catch for any man.

Let's be even more honest - you don't have to be a great catch or have someone think you're a great catch to bone somebody on the side.

She thinks white knight and he thinks piece of ass he rarely, if ever, has to interact with for the sexine.

[pkbpkb81]

Let's be even more honest - you don't have to be a great catch or have someone think you're a great catch to bone somebody on the side.

She thinks white knight and he thinks piece of ass he rarely, if ever, has to interact with for the sexine.

she never meet goes anywhere so i dont thank she is cheating, i guess she could have meet someone on line or hace an en high school bf waiting for her in idaho

[johnsmith]

If I had issues like this and I wanted to get advice from strangers online, I'd look to a "divorce" forum rather then a spurs forum. That's where I'd start anyway.

[johnsmith]

However, I have come to this site for general advice regarding my marriage, but only when I was bored with it...........all better now by the way.

[pkbpkb81]

If I had issues like this and I wanted to get advice from strangers online, I'd look to a "divorce" forum rather then a spurs forum. That's where I'd start anyway.

this is a great place with good people on here and when i started this i just wanted to vent honestly i have been suprised at the amout of respones and i am greatfull

[johnsmith]

this is a great place with good people on here and when i started this i just wanted to vent honestly i have been suprised at the amout of respones and i am greatfull

Don't get me wrong, I agree that this is a good site with good people, I just thought it would help to go to people that are going through the same shit or have gone through it already.

I wasn't trying to be a dick.............which is unusual for me so I can understand if it came across that way.

[lebomb]

Im not saying she IS cheating.......Im just saying anything is possible.

[DisgruntledLionFan#54,927]

she never meet goes anywhere so i dont thank she is cheating, i guess she could have meet someone on line or hace an en high school bf waiting for her in idaho

I didn't mean to be specific. People cheat for a myriad of reasons, some of which make sense and some don't.

I'd lean on the someone in mind angle more so than she's already cheating. Don't read too much into it, though. I'm just guessing with a limited amount of info.

[pkbpkb81]

she called me on lunch and said she wants to do counsleing but only if i agree to file for divorce first wtf she just wont make up her mind on what she wants

as someone eles said this might be my chance to be free as long as she cant take my kids to idaho i cant take the she we can work it out no we cant any more

[leemajors]

she called me on lunch and said she wants to do counsleing but only if i agree to file for divorce first wtf she just wont make up her mind on what she wants

as someone eles said this might be my chance to be free as long as she cant take my kids to idaho i cant take the she we can work it out no we cant any more

file for divorce first (before she does). you have way more options and leverage if you do. trust me, you don't want to have to deal with whatever craziness her and her lawyer throw at you, be prepared for anything. Texas sucks for fathers.

[pkbpkb81]

cool i will do that

i jsut dont understand doing counsleing and fileing it seem to be try get get two dirrent things done

[leemajors]

cool i will do that

i jsut dont understand doing counsleing and fileing it seem to be try get get two dirrent things done

Well, most divorces take quite a while, mostly squabbling over petty shit. You file, then a temporary orders hearing is set. You act under temporary orders until everything is finalized. Mine took about 6 months, so there would have been plenty of time for counseling if my SO had been acting like an adult and gone. The good news is, she won't be able to leave the state for a while once you or her has filed (i think). If she wanted to move to Idaho and file there, she would have to wait 6 months. Might as well get things in motion now to ensure she doesn't flee.

[pkbpkb81]

ok i see thankyou

[pkbpkb81]

i fucckin hate her friend this bitch she was a singal mom that bounced from drink to drink and dick to dick and the wife was always at her house takein care of her kids. now this bitch tricked some 20yr old kid in the army to mary her they dated for 2 months then he went to iraq came home for 2 weeks they get married puts papper in to adopt her kids and goes back to iraq and when she's not fucking around on this poor bastered she is putting ideas in my wifes head

[lebomb]

i fucckin hate her friend this bitch she was a singal mom that bounced from drink to drink and dick to dick and the wife was always at her house takein care of her kids. now this bitch tricked some 20yr old kid in the army to mary her they dated for 2 months then he went to iraq came home for 2 weeks they get married puts papper in to adopt her kids and goes back to iraq and when she's not fucking around on this poor bastered she is putting ideas in my wifes head

Exactly!!! Like I said, she probably has a bug in her ear and a backup plan. Her friends new man has probably told about a friend HE has that is available. Women can be sneaky, coniving mofuckas!

[ploto]

she called me on lunch and said she wants to do counsleing but only if i agree to file for divorce first wtf she just wont make up her mind on what she wants

You sure she is not trying to get you to file so you look like the one abandoning her and your kids?

[pkbpkb81]

You sure she is not trying to get you to file so you look like the one abandoning her and your kids?

i dont know maybe we had a nice talk when i got home last night. I thaink she has never felt in charge before and is useing this for everything she can. I am going to just sit back and let her do what she feels she needs to do where going to do the counsleing thing i called today

[SpursWoman]

You sure she is not trying to get you to file so you look like the one abandoning her and your kids?

She might have found out it's not free to file.

[jack sommerset]

I think she is fucking. Could even be another chick.

[I. Hustle]

I hate supper bitches

I still hate supper bitches


lol today's Spurstalk

[TDMVPDPOY]

any new updates clown?

[Chinook]

Wish I had been around in these days.

[I. Hustle]

Wish I had been around in these days.

Why? So you could hear people talk like normal people? This is when we had the troll forum. Clowns like Avante, Kool, Dale, Buddy and others would have been banished there. They let anything and everything go on in there and everything other forum was somewhat moderated.

I wonder if Lebomb would have gotten the Blake treatment if people found out that his first wife cheated on him.

[Thread]

Sad thread. Just grim business.

[Chinook]

Why? So you could hear people talk like normal people? This is when we had the troll forum. Clowns like Avante, Kool, Dale, Buddy and others would have been banished there. They let anything and everything go on in there and everything other forum was somewhat moderated.

I wonder if Lebomb would have gotten the Blake treatment if people found out that his first wife cheated on him.

It's not so much that I want people posting about their personal lives here or anything. But it would be nice to see that people could do so with everyone taking them seriously. It was like a group of people in a bar that didn't care what the outside world thought of them rather than a group of people in an asylum during lunch hour.

[I. Hustle]

It's not so much that I want people posting about their personal lives here or anything. But it would be nice to see that people could do so with everyone taking them seriously. It was like a group of people in a bar that didn't care what the outside world thought of them rather than a group of people in an asylum during lunch hour.

Times were different back then. Back then you could scratch your face up and scream curse words at the top of your lungs and people would listen to you and ask you what was wrong. You could be a little whiney puss about getting blood drawn and people would say "Hey, man. that could have saved someone's life". About the only thing you couldn't do was get calf tatts or have a black bull ravage your wife.

[DJR210]

:lol today's cucks

[RGMCSE]

Why? So you could hear people talk like normal people? This is when we had the troll forum. Clowns like Avante, Kool, Dale, Buddy and others would have been banished there. They let anything and everything go on in there and everything other forum was somewhat moderated.

I wonder if Lebomb would have gotten the Blake treatment if people found out that his first wife cheated on him.


is this the fool that literally eats his wife's shit hole? :wow

[Blake]

Lol the Blake treatment