Am I depressed?

[Confused]

Ok so I dont know if SpursTalk is the best place to post this, but w/e, I read it everyday so I might as well get some feedback.

Ok so the past few weeks I am started to wonder if I am depressed or not. So a quick google search lead me to this site. I feel I need to share my situation and get some kind of feed back.

So here goes. I am a 24 year old guy. For several years I had a very tight knit group of friends. There were 5 of us (all guys), including myself. We did everything together and had the best times. Anyways, as life would have it, about a year and a half ago, the 4 of them ended up moving away. All 4 to different parts of the country. We keep in touch from time to time but things were definately not the same.

Around that time I became very close to this girl. At first I had second thoughts about getting involved with her because I knew she too would be moving away in a year. However my feelings for her started to grow and against my better judgement I pursued a relationship with her. We started spending more and more time together and it seemed that things were going well. However the time came for her to leave and the relationship we had, ended.

To make matters worse at the same time my supervisor at work, whom I loved working for, resigned and I now work for someone that I dont much like working for.

In response to this I started to drink heavily. But, being concerened for my health and well-being, after several months of heavy drinking I quit and am now sober.

I dont want to sound like I am whining or looking for pity, I just wanted to give some background info on the past few years of my life.

Now, as far as today. I go to work every day and come home. I have no real desire to go out and meet new people and I often feel sad, lonely, and bored. I have a close family and one person who I consider a "good" friend. However he has some serious health problems (not life threatening but none the less serious). So when we hang out (he doesnt drink either) the mood is often very somber, yet we have our fun times occasionally.

However, usually when I have free time (Fridays/Weekends), Id rather go rent a DVD and sit at home by myself rather than go out and try and meet people.

So, I guess I went on the big long rant to ask, are my feelings of sadness and loneliness depression? Or should I just get more motivated and go out and do more things?

Thoughts, advice, questions, responses would be great.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[Reck]

You answered your own question.

You are depressed.

I can safely say we all have been through what you are going through. It's part of life, you just have to adjust, adapt and move on.

The more you stay secluded and non-social with people the worse it'll get. I recomend you get out there and meet people and try to have fun. You only get one life. Live it. ;)

[ploto]

I am a not a fan of using the word depressed because to me that it a clinical diagnosis and anti-depressants are over-prescribed (my opinion, only).

I just think that sometimes life is sad and lonely. There is nothing wrong with being sad about losing friends or a girlfriend or a boss you liked. Sometimes you need some quiet time to gather your thoughts and re-group. You say you get up and go to work everyday so it is not interfering with your ability to fulfill your obligations. You said you quit drinking- which is a good choice. I would just say that you should think of some things that you like to do and start doing them again. Don't feel pressured that you have to meet new people doing these things. Do them for yourself.

[smeagol]

You are confused (cheap joke)

[mexicanjunior]

I think you just have too much free time on your hands to think about missing your friends and girlfriend. You should try video games or maybe exercising to get your mind off of things...

[ATRAIN]

I think you just have too much free time on your hands to think about missing your friends and girlfriend. You should try video games or maybe exercising to get your mind off of things...

Im kind of in a similar situation. A lot of my close friends moved away and around the same time I cut off ties with a few girls I was talking too. It was a little lonely at first but I try to occupy my time in the gym or with another group of friends.

One thing I just dont understand is when your single you tend to be happy, but when you start dating someone you get all excited, then that turns to crap cause you arent sure where things are headed or you feel like you care about that person and they dont feel the same way. I fucking hate women.

[Bigzax]

when's the last time you smoked out and made some serious plans about your life?

[IronMexican]

I went through the same thing before. I just listen to music or play video games. The sooner you get laid, the better.

[balli]

Yeah, but who's not? Don't take pills. Maybe start taking St. John's Wort. The best advice is to:

when's the last time you smoked out and made some serious plans about your life?

[FreeMason]

Depression sucks but do not take the easy way out and take some lame pills to "solve" your problems.

You can overcome this within yourself free of meds, you just have to find the right avenue to take yourself out of the slump.

If need be, take yourself away from everything you are used to by moving to a different environment. Focus on big goals like a career and the rest will come back to you. Don't become a social hermit because all people need outside ideas and dialogue to advance through life.

Life is about the journey man, once you get out of this you will look back at it and appreciate it for making you stronger.

[Reck]

I think you just have too much free time on your hands to think about missing your friends and girlfriend. You should try video games or maybe exercising to get your mind off of things...

Too much free time?

They guy has a job.

[baseline bum]

If you're working a desk job, maybe you should try running, playing basketball, or some other strenuous physical activity. Nothing short of good sex elevates mood better than physical exertion.

[The Reckoning]

get a fleshlight

[Bartleby]

If need be, take yourself away from everything you are used to by moving to a different environment. Focus on big goals like a career and the rest will come back to you. Don't become a social hermit because all people need outside ideas and dialogue to advance through life.

Good advice. A move can do wonders if you have the resources (and maybe even if you don't). Often the best way to get out of a rut and figure out what you really want to do is to force yourself out of your comfort zone.

[ATRAIN]

get a fleshlight

LMAO

[jack sommerset]

How come you put quotes around "good" friend, the dude with the health problems? Did you two have sex? That could be your problem. You don't know if you are gay or not. If u screwed a dude with health problems,man thats sick on many levels. Confused huh?

[angel_luv]

You answered your own question.
you just have to adjust, adapt and move on.


Excellent advice.

Church is an excellent place to get encouraged and also meet new people.
Most large churches have a good variety of fun activites for you to get involved in, should you so desire.

[Whisky Dog]

Focus on yourself. Make a list of things you like about yourself and a list of things you would like to improve about yourself, then set out making improvements one at a time. The key is to always be progressing further in some aspect of your life and never standing still. If you're always working to improve and better yourself you will usually stave off depression.

It's pretty odd... if you think about it we are all walking along rail road tracks with our heads down, knowing a train is coming but never knowing when. We just keep ourselves busy and occupied until the moment of impact. I find the best thing is to enjoy and savor every opportunity, every chance at personal experience.

[CuckingFunt]

Now, as far as today. I go to work every day and come home. I have no real desire to go out and meet new people and I often feel sad, lonely, and bored. I have a close family and one person who I consider a "good" friend. However he has some serious health problems (not life threatening but none the less serious). So when we hang out (he doesnt drink either) the mood is often very somber, yet we have our fun times occasionally.

However, usually when I have free time (Fridays/Weekends), Id rather go rent a DVD and sit at home by myself rather than go out and try and meet people.

So, I guess I went on the big long rant to ask, are my feelings of sadness and loneliness depression? Or should I just get more motivated and go out and do more things?

Thoughts, advice, questions, responses would be great.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Take the emphasis off of meeting more people, and focus on doing things that you enjoy. As a naturally shy person, I've found that going out with the specific intention/goal of meeting new people can be really intense and overwhelming. Additionally, if you go out and don't meet someone new, then you may focus more on the fact that you failed at your specific objective, rather than on the fact that you did something fun and had a good time.

If you really take some time to figure out the things that motivate and/or inspire you, and really make it a priority to dedicate at least a little of your time to doing/exploring those things, you'll eventually meet people that share your same interests.

Before I made the decision to move and go back to school a couple of years ago, I was in a really bad rut. I wouldn't go so far as to say I was depressed -- I had a good life and a decent social structure where I was, and was generally happy -- but I seldom did anything that was important or meaningful to me. I went to work, I came home, I hung out. Yawn. Now that I'm back in school and doing something that is really important to me, however, I'm really happy and fulfilled despite the things that I left behind. I haven't had the time to build as large a social circle as I had previously, nor am I living as comfortably as I was previously, but spending a certain amount of time everyday doing something that I genuinely care about has brightened my outlook on everything. The rut is gone.

Just find the one thing that really grabs you and find a way to do it.

[mexicanjunior]

Too much free time?

They guy has a job.

I didn't say he didn't...his time not working and dwelling on his situation is probably what is making him depressed.

[BacktoBasics]

Like most people in their mid 20's you've hit that point in life where you realize 90% of going forward is unrewarding with little purpose and meaning. The majority will wallow in the mundane repetitive depressing culture we call life while the select few seek out the 10% of gratification left. You'll have to eventually choose which group you'll fall under.

[Ginobilly]

Smoke a blunt:hat and watch a Spurs game!

[DarkReign]

6vfSFXKlnO0

Join the millions of other chemically dependent Americans!

[Strike]

Excellent advice.

Church is an excellent place to get encouraged and also meet new people.
Most large churches have a good variety of fun activites for you to get involved in, should you so desire.

Yeah but that pesky religion hypocrisy is a bit of a buzzkill

[Leetonidas]

when's the last time you smoked out and made some serious plans about your life?

:tu

[Creepn]

Get a roommate, preferrably a male. That will solve most of your problems no doubt.

[Condemned 2 HelLA]

Take up a new hobby.

[PuttPutt]

I've had all kinds of problems with depression. Pills don't solve it at all. they just mask it & eventually you forget. Doctors have given me all kinds of pills ( I was diagnosed bipolar type 1). Many others here have all had good advice. Smoking weed is good for a while, but just get involved in something. That will help the most. I battle my manic depression daily. I have days when I don't even want to leave my house. You just got to do what you got to do. Best advice is to get involved in some activity though. Whether it be church, athletics, music, or whatever. Just do something.

[The Reckoning]

depression is a scam. get over it.

[tonylongoriafan]

i feel what u'r saying completely...i'm in the same boat, albeit by different circumstances. my difference is that i DO go out and do things, have fun, meet people, etc. i just often find all of that empty. i mean, u work a good job, make good money, go out, travel, do things and all along u'r just trying to fill a void (when i say u, i mean me).

i get totally wrapped up sports, parties, hanging out, etc. and at the end of the day none of it matters cause i'll come home to a big empty house and wake up alone (most days). the key, i would say, is being comfortable in u'r own skin...then nothing matters. doing stuff, meeting new people, and having wonderful adventures is not all it's cracked up to be...U R NOT depressed, u just need to get comfortable with urself.

[tonylongoriafan]

i feel what u'r saying completely...i'm in the same boat, albeit by different circumstances. my difference is that i DO go out and do things, have fun, meet people, etc. i just often find all of that empty. i mean, u work a good job, make good money, go out, travel, do things and all along u'r just trying to fill a void (when i say u, i mean me).

i get totally wrapped up sports, parties, hanging out, etc. and at the end of the day none of it matters cause i'll come home to a big empty house and wake up alone (most days). the key, i would say, is being comfortable in u'r own skin...then nothing matters. doing stuff, meeting new people, and having wonderful adventures is not all it's cracked up to be...U R NOT depressed, u just need to get comfortable with urself.

that being said, it's always good to diversify. i love my family and a small group of friends, but i just recently started hanging around a group of really nice, very interesting, and generally good people...the bonus is they're girls!

[El Jefe Americano]

You want the quick fix?

Go take a shower in ice cold water. Cold as you can get it. For 10 minutes.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

depression is a scam. get over it.

STFU moron, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain. Yes, it is over-diagnosed and meds for it are over-prescribed, but that doesn't mean it's not real, and until you've actually suffered from it (which I have), you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

OP, my recommendations are:
1) work on a long-term plan - sounds like you're going nowhere right now;
2) exercise, eat well, sleep well;
3) force yourself to get out and be around people - start doing something you haven't done before, or take up an old hobby again.
4) if it doesn't go away, go to a therapist and TALK - try some CBT, worked for me.

Good luck.

[Blake]

Anyways, as life would have it, about a year and a half ago, the 4 of them ended up moving away. All 4 to different parts of the country. We keep in touch from time to time but things were definately not the same.

Around that time I became very close to this girl. At first I had second thoughts about getting involved with her because I knew she too would be moving away in a year. However my feelings for her started to grow and against my better judgement I pursued a relationship with her. We started spending more and more time together and it seemed that things were going well. However the time came for her to leave and the relationship we had, ended.



I think you mean about 3 years ago

http://www.spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17233

[baseline bum]

STFU moron, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain. Yes, it is over-diagnosed and meds for it are over-prescribed, but that doesn't mean it's not real, and until you've actually suffered from it (which I have), you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

OP, my recommendations are:
1) work on a long-term plan - sounds like you're going nowhere right now;
2) exercise, eat well, sleep well;
3) force yourself to get out and be around people - start doing something you haven't done before, or take up an old hobby again.
4) if it doesn't go away, go to a therapist and TALK - try some CBT, worked for me.

Good luck.

I agree with everything but #3. Sometimes my favorite thing to do to clear my mind is go out hiking in the middle of nowhere, away from everybody and all the bullshit of the city.

[balli]

You could just stay depressed for awhile? How long has this been going on- not all the drama, but your reaction to it? Six months? Shit, when the wolves are closing in, there's nothing wrong IMO with buttoning down the hatches a little bit.

I don't buy the whole chemical balance thing- your brain chemistry just is what it is, from one moment to the next. And if your dopamine/serotonin levels are in a state of "imbalance" or fluctuation there is probably a reason for it. I'd equate it to pain. It's a warning sign- and not something you necessarily should want to turn off without examining the reason for it's existence. I mean, if you had an axe through your foot, would you pull it out and stitch it up, or just pop a pill to kill the pain?

That's why you should smoke weed. It won't deaden you, but it'll make you far more courageously introspective, while also buffering you from the most extreme mental anguish such an introspective period might normally bestow upon you.



The Joys of Degradation
We all know the joys of degradation. Perhaps I should rephrase that: We must all have lived through times when we discovered it was pleasurable, even relaxing, to run ourselves down. Even as we tell ourselves we are worthless- over and over, as if repetition will make it true- we are suddenly freed from all those moral injunctions to conform and the suffocating worry of having to obey rules and laws, of having to grit our teeth as we strive to be like others. Then we find ourselves in a place where we can wallow blissfully in our existence, our smell, our filth, our habits, the place where we can abandon all hope of self-improvement and stop trying to nurture optimistic thoughts about human beings. This resting place is so comfortable that we cannot help feeling grateful for the anger and selfishness that has brought us to this moment of freedom and solitude.

[DarkReign]

Something like one 1 out of 3 people "suffer" from depression in America (no fact check there).

Yeah, I totally believe that. Especially when no other country is even remotely close. Its called "get over yourself" syndrom. Youre not important, youre not special, you never will be.....and thats ok.

/depression

[phxspurfan]

The drinking did it...it never solves those common problems. Reading some self help books to improve ur self esteem and going out to meet new people will...be open to going out man. Youre so money and you dont even know it