Dr. Gonzo
03-06-2009, 01:24 AM
Saturday, which technically is tomorrow, will be 6 months I will be sober. It has been a surreal experience for me. I never thought I could make it six days without some sort of chemical indulgence much less six months. I have been able to experience a full range of emotions during this period. From the total joy of getting engaged and planning a wedding (which happens one week from today and will definetely be the greatest day of my life so far) to the heartbreak of having to put my best friend of 10 years down. The one constant in my life of turmoil was my dog and he had gotten to a point of physical deterioration that was unbearable to watch. Being able to experience life on life's terms is a something that is completely new to me and has made me appreciate the life that was given to me.
The greatest gift in my life came by the way of a rollover that happened at 5pm on a drunken Sunday afternoon on Prue Road. Having survived an accident that could have easily been a fatal one gave me the slap in the face that I needed to finally do what deep down I wanted to do for years. The only fatality in that accident was that of midgetonadonkey. An alter ego I had on these forums that was really just a reflection of the bitterness, anger, rage, shame, guilt and fear that had lived deep within me for years and had completely overtaken me. I have learned to come to terms with these issues and have completely altered my way of thinking and my life to try and never return to that point again. I learned that I didn't have a drinking problem, I had a living problem. The drinking and drugging was just a symptom.
I now try to live every day the way I was meant to live it. Free of resentments, anger, fear and dishonesty. This is the key to me freedom from the drink and I will continue to try and live this way each day for the rest of my life. I may not always adhere to these principles, sometimes I do get some of those negative emotions back, but each day I try to deal with these in a different way and no longer resort to the drink as an escape. The emotions I feel are a natural part of being human and it feels damn good to be human again after all these years.
:tu
Thank you Sandra for all you have done for me and for standing by me through all my bullshit and for seeing past my issues and seeing me for the man that I am trying my hardest to be. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, one day at a time.
The greatest gift in my life came by the way of a rollover that happened at 5pm on a drunken Sunday afternoon on Prue Road. Having survived an accident that could have easily been a fatal one gave me the slap in the face that I needed to finally do what deep down I wanted to do for years. The only fatality in that accident was that of midgetonadonkey. An alter ego I had on these forums that was really just a reflection of the bitterness, anger, rage, shame, guilt and fear that had lived deep within me for years and had completely overtaken me. I have learned to come to terms with these issues and have completely altered my way of thinking and my life to try and never return to that point again. I learned that I didn't have a drinking problem, I had a living problem. The drinking and drugging was just a symptom.
I now try to live every day the way I was meant to live it. Free of resentments, anger, fear and dishonesty. This is the key to me freedom from the drink and I will continue to try and live this way each day for the rest of my life. I may not always adhere to these principles, sometimes I do get some of those negative emotions back, but each day I try to deal with these in a different way and no longer resort to the drink as an escape. The emotions I feel are a natural part of being human and it feels damn good to be human again after all these years.
:tu
Thank you Sandra for all you have done for me and for standing by me through all my bullshit and for seeing past my issues and seeing me for the man that I am trying my hardest to be. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, one day at a time.