"divorce agreement"

[ducks]

"DIVORCE AGREEMENT"








Subject: JVT sharing an excellent "DIVORCE
AGREEMENT" (just received)
DIVORCE
AGREEMENT

Dear
American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama
supporters, etal:

We have stuck together since the late 1950s, but the
whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.
I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future
generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two
ideological sides of America
cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly
terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go
our own way.

Following is a model agreement:

Our two groups can
equitably divide up the country by land mass each taking a portion. That will be
the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly
agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective
representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such
distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you
can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

Since
you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the
military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (YOU are,
however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all
three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations,
pharmaceutical companies, Walmart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved
homeless, home boys, hippies and illegal aliens.

We'll keep the hot
Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give
you NBC and Hollywood.

You
can make nice with Iran
and Palestine
and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can
have the "peace-niks" and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are
under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our
Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and
Shirley McClain. You can also have the U. N. but we will no longer be
paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury
cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give
everyone health care if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to
believe health care is a luxury and not a right.

We'll keep The Battle
Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to
substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing",
"Kum Ba Ya" and/or "We Are the World."

We'll practice
trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot.


Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our
flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like
minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit
delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us
will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely, John J. Wall, Law Student
and an American

[ChumpDumper]

His meter is all fucked up.

[baseline bum]

Good, right-wingers; you can clean up the fucking mess you made with Wall Street and keep your ridiculously expensive system of health-care fraud. You can also finally start sending your own kids over to die in Iraq over some bullshit instead of ours. Good luck in making your own Christian Iran.

[DMX7]

In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us
will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely, John J. Wall, Law Student
and an American

Yeah, like you bet us Saddam had Weapons of Mass Destruction.

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/fail-owned-ball-kick-fail.jpg

[boutons_]

"We have stuck together since the late 1950s"

L I E

[LnGrrrR]

In short:

WAAHHHH!!! I WANT MY BOTTLE!

[LnGrrrR]

Another thing... why do Republicans hate the ACLU so much?

[LnGrrrR]

One other thing... health care is a 'luxury' huh? Yeah, that will win you a whole bunch of votes next election... LMAO

[ratm1221]

Chain emails always make the best threads.

[DarrinS]

I'm a conservative who owns a Subaru. I guess I don't fit the mold.

[RandomGuy]

"DIVORCE AGREEMENT"
Subject: JVT sharing an excellent "DIVORCE
AGREEMENT" (just received)
DIVORCE
AGREEMENT

Dear
American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama
supporters, etal:

We have stuck together since the late 1950s, but the
whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.
I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future
generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two
ideological sides of America
cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly
terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go
our own way.

Following is a model agreement:

Our two groups can
equitably divide up the country by land mass each taking a portion. That will be
the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly
agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective
representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such
distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you
can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

Since
you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the
military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (YOU are,
however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all
three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations,
pharmaceutical companies, Walmart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved
homeless, home boys, hippies and illegal aliens.

We'll keep the hot
Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give
you NBC and Hollywood.

You
can make nice with Iran
and Palestine
and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can
have the "peace-niks" and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are
under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our
Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and
Shirley McClain. You can also have the U. N. but we will no longer be
paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury
cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give
everyone health care if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to
believe health care is a luxury and not a right.

We'll keep The Battle
Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to
substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing",
"Kum Ba Ya" and/or "We Are the World."

We'll practice
trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot.


Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our
flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like
minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit
delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us
will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely, John J. Wall, Law Student
and an American


Honestly, it would let us really decide, once and for all, whose ideas actually work in reality.

[RandomGuy]

"
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury
cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

And when oil starts topping $200 a barrel, and the replacement costs of your vehicles are 3 times that of the silly station wagon, leaving us with a rather large chunk of disposable income to spend on say, preventive health care, we will outlive you, and won't feel all that bad.

[RandomGuy]

we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

... If you can find enough people to actually fill those combat boots, you are welcome to it.

Young republicans, in my experience, tend to avoid the military like the plague.

How would a nation of George Bushes and Dick Cheneys actually have enough actual combat troops to invade anything?

Public service is very much a "liberal" value. In conservative land, who would actually work for the government, however small?

[RandomGuy]

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations,
pharmaceutical companies, Walmart and Wall Street.

You keep Kenneth Lay (Enron), Bernie Madoff (ponzi), Bernard Ebbers (worldcom), Micheal Monus (Phar-mor), Mit Shah (Cendant), Maury Myers (Waste Management, Inc), Michael Saylor (Microstrategy), Dennis Koslowski (Tyco International), etc, etc, etc. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Accounting_scandals)

See how far investing in those companies gets you.

You keep the credit default swaps.

You keep the ARMs.

You keep the derivatives.

You keep big bad government out of regulating financial industry "innovation", and see how far that gets you.

[RandomGuy]

You can give everyone health care if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe health care is a luxury and not a right.

By all means, then pass a law protecting hospitals who refuse patients emergency room treatment if there is no evidence of insurance.

"oops, I forgot my insurance card" becomes a death sentence, if you are unable to tell them what your insurance company is because you are unconcious and bleeding to death from a car wreck.

[Extra Stout]

To summarize:

1) When Republicans win: "If you don't agree with us, you're a traitor."

2) When Republicans lose: "Let's secede!"

[DarkReign]

To summarize:

1) When Republicans win: "If you don't agree with us, you're a traitor."

2) When Republicans lose: "Let's secede!"

Poignant.

[desflood]

... If you can find enough people to actually fill those combat boots, you are welcome to it.

Young republicans, in my experience, tend to avoid the military like the plague.
Funny, when I was in the overwhelming majority of enlisted troops I spoke with voted conservative. Of course, that was a decade ago.

[clambake]

these days, conservatives can't handle a situation at a gas station.

are these the kind of people you want making battlefield decisions?

what kind of decisions can be made while running away?

[DarrinS]

these days, conservatives can't handle a situation at a gas station.

are these the kind of people you want making battlefield decisions?

what kind of decisions can be made while running away?



huh?

[ratm1221]

How about you just move to a conservative country like Saudi Arabia, where things are so great? Us hippie liberals can move to places like the Netherlands, Switzerland, or Germany where things are just horrible and in chaos.

[Supergirl]

So when liberals complained that Bush stole the election and wanted out of the country, they were told to STFU and move out.

I think it's only fair to say the samething you. STFU and move out. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

[Ignignokt]

To summarize:

1) When Republicans win: "If you don't agree with us, you're a traitor."

2) When Republicans lose: "Let's secede!"

I missed out on which prominent republicans have said that.

[Extra Stout]

http://www.fallibleblogma.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/straw-man.jpg

[clambake]

I missed out on which prominent republicans have said that.

are there any prominent republicans?

[Bartleby]

Liberals can keep all the universities and research centers. Conservatives can have all the churches.

[johnsmith]

LMAO that ducks can get you guys to post this often, and this angry in his threads.

[Supergirl]

Liberals can keep all the universities and research centers. Conservatives can have all the churches.

Awesome. I think we'll be much better off.

There's always this proposal, which I'm still a big fan of:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Jesusland_map.svg

[Extra Stout]

There probably will be a division, it will be in my lifetime, it won't be near as clean as a split into red/blue countries, millions of people will die in wars, and in the aftermath everybody will be much worse off.

[ratm1221]

There probably will be a division, it will be in my lifetime, it won't be near as clean as a split into red/blue countries, millions of people will die in wars, and in the aftermath everybody will be much worse off.

Prozac anyone?

[balli]

are there any prominent republicans?
:rollin


And I'd like to see you fuckers secede. Stimulus money excluded, almost every red state in this nation is using more in federal dollars than they contribute. Get the fuck out. See how well it works when the blue states aren't around to buy your shit for you.

[RandomGuy]

There probably will be a division, it will be in my lifetime, it won't be near as clean as a split into red/blue countries, millions of people will die in wars, and in the aftermath everybody will be much worse off.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/8c/Racheldratchdebbie.jpg

[Extra Stout]

Prozac anyone?

I'm sure a Turk in 1850 who predicted that by 1950 the caliphate would have disintegrated, kufr Western Christians would be administering and/or dominating some of the pieces, and dhimmi Jews would have their own state in the middle of the Levant would have been mocked.

[RandomGuy]

There probably will be a division, it will be in my lifetime, it won't be near as clean as a split into red/blue countries, millions of people will die in wars, and in the aftermath everybody will be much worse off.

Your average American's exposure to military training consists of hollywood movies, and given the amount of obesity and general lazyness prevalent in the US, I don't see who exactly would run out to fight such wars.

You give us too much credit. :lol

[clambake]

I'm sure a Turk in 1850 who predicted that by 1950 the caliphate would have disintegrated, kufr Western Christians would be administering and/or dominating some of the pieces, and dhimmi Jews would have their own state in the middle of the Levant would have been mocked.

don't worry about them. they don't understand you. :toast

[RandomGuy]

I'm sure a Turk in 1850 who predicted that by 1950 the caliphate would have disintegrated, kufr Western Christians would be administering and/or dominating some of the pieces, and dhimmi Jews would have their own state in the middle of the Levant would have been mocked.

I think that some form of disintegration is inevitable, but I don't see it as quite so violent or disruptive, or happening within my lifetime.

[Extra Stout]

Your average American's exposure to military training consists of hollywood movies, and given the amount of obesity and general lazyness prevalent in the US, I don't see who exactly would run out to fight such wars.

You give us too much credit. :lol
1) We're lazy because up until now things have been easy. When privation hits, I don't think this is a populace who will put its collective nose to the grindstone. I think this is a populace who will smash and grab. That is what the "easy way out" looks like under such circumstances. It is the uncivilized way.

2) Historically quite common is a scenario where young people are handed a gun and "trained" to point it at the other guys.

3) When things implode, people will be looking for someone to blame. The legacy of our national political culture over the past 15 years will make it very easy for anyone to identify who the enemy is who "betrayed" America.

4) There will be a scramble for control of land and resources, and it will be in the best interest of the fragmented elites to motivate frightened post-Americans to kill one another. Isn't that how most wars go?

I mean, come on, when the federal government goes insolvent and implodes, what do you think Confederate President Richard Shelby is going to say?

A) "Let's be calm and reasonable through these tough times, everyone!"

B) "The liberals, the atheists, the so-called intelligentsia at our universities, the secular humanists, the race-baiters, the radical gays, THEY DID THIS TO US!"

[InK]

I think that some form of disintegration is inevitable, but I don't see it as quite so violent or disruptive, or happening within my lifetime.

All that needs to be done is to educate the lower classes, USA is probably the one country in the developed world, where you have masses of people voting in a complete digression from what their economic interests are. Republicans deconstruct the world for them, they get rid of all the "hard to understand" parts, and serve it on the plate. And they digest....

[DarrinS]

All that needs to be done is to educate the lower classes, USA is probably the one country in the developed world, where you have masses of people voting in a complete digression from what their economic interests are. Republicans deconstruct the world for them, they get rid of all the "hard to understand" parts, and serve it on the plate. And they digest....


Nothing elitist or snobby about that.

[Bartleby]

4) There will be a scramble for control of land and resources

Clean water will the biggest one, IMO.

[ratm1221]

All that needs to be done is to educate the lower classes, USA is probably the one country in the developed world, where you have masses of people voting in a complete digression from what their economic interests are. Republicans deconstruct the world for them, they get rid of all the "hard to understand" parts, and serve it on the plate. And they digest....

Interesting take. I like it.

[Supergirl]

All that needs to be done is to educate the lower classes, USA is probably the one country in the developed world, where you have masses of people voting in a complete digression from what their economic interests are. Republicans deconstruct the world for them, they get rid of all the "hard to understand" parts, and serve it on the plate. And they digest....

Statistics also show that increased education correlates with more liberal views on social issues and economic issues. It's the strongest predictor of political opinions - stronger than race, class, religion, gender.

[DarrinS]

Statistics also show that increased education correlates with more liberal views on social issues and economic issues. It's the strongest predictor of political opinions - stronger than race, class, religion, gender.


Are you a statistical anomaly?

[InK]

Are you a statistical anomaly?

Thats the best response u can put together? Is it like with those old sci fi movies; "can not process data, can not compute, program shutting down" or are you going to try and do better then that?

[DarrinS]

Thats the best response u can put together? Is it like with those old sci fi movies; "can not process data, can not compute, program shutting down" or are you going to try and do better then that?


There are dumb people that voted for Obama and there are dumb people that voted for McCain. I don't believe that a person's political view necessarily correlates with intelligence.

[InK]

There are dumb people that voted for Obama and there are dumb people that voted for McCain. I don't believe that a person's political view necessarily correlates with intelligence.

Not intelligence, but education. That's ok though, that is as far as it goes i guess. In essence you don't trust the polls doing research on this subject, i kind of do.

Just out of curiousity, what if those polls are correct? How does one explain that?

[DarrinS]

Not intelligence, but education. That's ok though, that is as far as it goes i guess. In essence you don't trust the polls doing research on this subject, i kind of do.

Just out of curiousity, what if those polls are correct? How does one explain that?


It all depends on who you poll.

http://www.zogby.com/news/ReadNews.cfm?ID=1642

[DarrinS]

Not intelligence, but education.

Well, there are a lot of liberal arts majors out there that have a great education. I'll leave it at that.

[InK]

It all depends on who you poll.

http://www.zogby.com/news/ReadNews.cfm?ID=1642

Who has a pregnant teenage daughter, who is unable to identify the number of houses owned, who can "see Russia from their house" are hardly the kind of questions that give any kind of testimony about the educational level of the people answering them, wouldn't you agree? It's just a survey done to show how familiar are voters with their own candidates.

Im sure however that there are more then a few studies circling around that show no correlations between education and political preference, and i really see no need for you to go through the hassle of finding them. I recognize that they exist.

[Wild Cobra]

who can "see Russia from their house"
Yep, Tina Fey can see Russia from her house.

[2Blonde]

"DIVORCE AGREEMENT"
...
We'll keep the hot
Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give
you NBC and Hollywood.

...
We'll keep our
Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and
Shirley McClain. You can also have the U. N. but we will no longer be
paying the bill.

...
We'll keep The Battle
Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to
substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing",
"Kum Ba Ya" and/or "We Are the World."


Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our
flag.




Liberals can keep all the universities and research centers. Conservatives can have all the churches.

WOW, that was really an eye-opener for me. I had no idea that voting for President Obama meant I am going to have to turn in my Bible and my membership card to christianity. I guess I'll have to stop going to mass every week and praying every day.
It was also quite interesting to find out that I am no longer allowed to have any sense of patriotism or care about our flag and our history.
Thanks for the education. :rolleyes

[PixelPusher]

Yep, Tina Fey can see Russia from her house.

Actually, Steve Doocy and Cindy McCain were the foreign policy experts who could see Russia from Palin's house.

[Supergirl]

Are you a statistical anomaly?

Uh, no. I am, by most measures, liberal, and come from a liberal family with 1 PhD and 1 Master's degrees in my parental units, and 1 Master's degree for myself. I'd say that correlates pretty fricking directly with the statistical averages.

[Supergirl]

In regards to this thread in general, every empire ever created has ended eventually. Will Obama be able to hold us together, perhaps even heal some of our rifts? Probably. Maybe. But I suspect that the end of the American empire is coming, eventually. I don't know that it means the country itself is going to split apart, but our army bases scattered throughout the world and our miscellaneous provinces (Puerto Rico, Guam, American Virgin Islands, etc) will probably have to be dismantled, just as Britain did eventually.

I'm sure Hawaii would be pretty happy to become sovereign, and it's well known now that Sarah Palin and hubby are affiliated with the movement to have Alaska secede...