You cheater!

[Frenzy]

so are u a cheater? do you think most people would cheat if given the chance and 100% not getting caught?

any who... I was talking to my buds earlier today and it came up.... one cheater on his Gf of 2 years and we didn't go all ape on him or nothing i mean it happens. But what we did kinda debate about was to actually tell his GF. See he did this like 4 months ago and well she has no idea. The girl he cheated with has since moved on and not a peep of her and not a chance of that "i'm gonna tell you gf" crap. I was like man... i think you need to be honest and tell her... my other friend was like why? she don't know... things are great between you 2 now and it would only mess up what u got in the present. I was like well yeah... but isn't honesty the best thing to do in a realtionship... i men c'mon a lie is a lie... we all do it... this just happens to be larger than others. So my freind says i think i'm gonna tell her... the guilt is eating me up inside and i feel guilty sometimes just doing normal things with her. I won't do it no more it was my once and i'll never do it again....So i was like oh so you wanna tell her just to ease your guilt? he was like no.... well yeah but to do the right thing too...hmmm

this is a pickel..


so in conclusion...Person A cheats on Person B....Person B has no idea and is happy with the relationship. Person A is feeling horrible guilt and cant live with it so Person A wants to tell Person B. person A is happy with the current relationship and has sworn not to do it again..but is not sure to tell person B.


you think people tell they cheated to do the right thing...or just to get rid of the guilt they have?

lets hear it.

[JoeChalupa]

I've been with my wife for over 14 yrs and have never cheated on her and have no desire to. Now I know I'll get the "goody two shoes" remarks and such but I truly love my wife and while I'm married and not buried of course I find other women attractive but that doesn't mean I'd jump into the sack at the first chance. But to be honest I've never really been in a situation where Jessica Alba or Halle Berry have been shit-faced and I had a chance so......
But no, I'm not a cheater. Am I a wuss?

[Frenzy]

no......... well kinda... u didn't even attempt to answer the question... not even a "well i don't cheat but i think"

[mrsmaalox]

Cheating in the first place is selfish. They are suddenly going to confess out of consideration for the other person? I think they confess for their own benefit---to ease the guilt.

[peewee's lovechild]

I've been with my wife for over 14 yrs and have never cheated on her and have no desire to. Now I know I'll get the "goody two shoes" remarks and such but I truly love my wife and while I'm married and not buried of course I find other women attractive but that doesn't mean I'd jump into the sack at the first chance. But to be honest I've never really been in a situation where Jessica Alba or Halle Berry have been shit-faced and I had a chance so......
But no, I'm not a cheater. Am I a wuss?

I wouldn't call you a wuss.

You just have very good control of yourself.

[Frenzy]

Cheating in the first place is selfish. They are suddenly going to confess out of consideration for the other person? I think they confess for their own benefit---to ease the guilt.

ahh.. oh well how about he feels no guilt...he feels his selfish act was justified(they were fighting,troubles etc) should he tell her just so he can feel the wrath? lol

[peewee's lovechild]

Cheating in the first place is selfish. They are suddenly going to confess out of consideration for the other person? I think they confess for their own benefit---to ease the guilt.

There's truth to this.

However, sometimes, a person might feel that it's only fair to let the other person know what has been going on.

Maybe I'm being naive.

[JoeChalupa]

There's truth to this.

However, sometimes, a person might feel that it's only fair to let the other person know what has been going on.

Maybe I'm being naive.

My wife would know in a heart beat if I tried to lie. She knows me far too well.

[JoeChalupa]

I wouldn't call you a wuss.

You just have very good control of yourself.

Self control = :jack

[JoeChalupa]

no......... well kinda... u didn't even attempt to answer the question... not even a "well i don't cheat but i think"

Like I said..I married, not buried. I don't necessarily think about cheating on her but I do have mental lust and dreams. During the first few weeks I was dating my future wife I did call her by the wrong name after a few beers at Fiesta. :wow

[mrsmaalox]

There's truth to this.

However, sometimes, a person might feel that it's only fair to let the other person know what has been going on.

Maybe I'm being naive.

You're right about that. I should have said "Some of them confess for their own benefit".

[Summers]

This is on Oprah all the time. :lol A cheater only confesses to make himself feel better, not for the sake of the spouse. Keep it to yourself and keep your pants zipped next time.

[jack sommerset]

As a former cheater, 11 years without cheating now, been with my wife now for 9 years and have not given it a single thought, I say tell the girl. She deserves to know. One of my friends told on me and after I was done wanting to kill the guy (we still don't talk) I thought she deserved to know. She still hates me but she deserved to know. I relized it was selfish and made me feel and look like a complete dick. It was the first time I got busted and after you see what happens when you do get busted it does not feel very good.

[Frenzy]

Like I said..I married, not buried. I don't necessarily think about cheating on her but I do have mental lust and dreams. During the first few weeks I was dating my future wife I did call her by the wrong name after a few beers at Fiesta. :wow

well i'm not picking on you but lets say she cheated on you....and you had no idea and it was a one time thing... would u wanna know? or believe in a sense ignorance is bliss?

not wishing bad karma or nothing...and kudos on the faithful marriage :tu

[JoeChalupa]

well i'm not picking on you but lets say she cheated on you....and you had no idea and it was a one time thing... would u wanna know? or believe in a sense ignorance is bliss?

not wishing bad karma or nothing...and kudos on the faithful marriage :tu

Well, since I've told my wife from the very beginning that I don't play the cheating game and I don't accept the "well, I was drunk and he took advantage of me" or "it only happened one time" or "it didn't mean anything" BS excuses I wouldn't want to hear it. Now some may say that if I really loved my wife that much that my lover for her should be strong enough to weather the cheating storm and to be honest that may be true. But for me, TRUST, is a non-negotiable trait. Once the trust has been broken it is done, finished and I could never really ever trust her again.
If her love for me wasn't strong enough to keep her from cheating then for me it is a lost cause.

[CuckingFunt]

I could never let myself waste someone else's time, which is what I've always seen as the biggest problem with cheating. I have very few moral objections to cheating for the sex reasons, but value honesty far too much to ever do it.

[MrChug]

No, I'm a perfect person.

[SpursWoman]

ahh.. oh well how about he feels no guilt...he feels his selfish act was justified(they were fighting,troubles etc) should he tell her just so he can feel the wrath? lol


You need to tell him he's full of shit if this is really what he thinks. :lol

[TDMVPDPOY]

http://img11.imageshack.us/img11/6784/share250209.jpg

[ploto]

She has the right to know so she can decide for herself what she wants and needs in a relationship and whether or not she thinks she deserves better than a man who cheats AND jusitifies it.

[Strike]

I've been married nearly 9 years. I've never had the desire to cheat because I never felt like something was missing from my relationship that needed "filling" outside the marriage. That was until my wife cheated on me repeatedly with the same guy off and on over a 2 year period.

Now we sleep in separate bedrooms, we barely talk, and there is no physical interaction to speak of. I neither love, nor want her anymore. She completely destroyed any shred of trust I may ever have for her. She is now looking for a new place to live and I, if presented with the opportunity, would feel no guilt in screwing around. My marriage is now, in my opinion, irrevocably broken. The only reason we are still married on paper is strictly financial/convenience. We are basically roommates stuck in a lease for the foreseeable future.

After I first found out about the affair I wanted to work through it and I believed she truly did as well. But when she continued to cheat, my trust for her became nonexistent. My love for her also became nonexistent. The thing that angered me the most was her need to try to "justify" the cheating. I work at night and she was lonely, blah blah blah. My parents worked opposite schedules for nearly 15 years so someone could always be home with the kids. They have been married for 40 years.

If you need to make excuses for or have to justify betraying your spouse/significant other, you have no business being in a relationship with the other person. If you truly love your mate, cheating should never become an issue.

And if you do cheat, your mate deserves to know the truth of your indiscretion. Be open and honest and take the gamble that they may not want to continue the relationship. That is the risk you take when you deceive or betray someone.

[TDMVPDPOY]

alimony biatches recognize

[2Blonde]

so are u a cheater? do you think most people would cheat if given the chance and 100% not getting caught?

any who... I was talking to my buds earlier today and it came up.... one cheater on his Gf of 2 years and we didn't go all ape on him or nothing i mean it happens. But what we did kinda debate about was to actually tell his GF. See he did this like 4 months ago and well she has no idea. The girl he cheated with has since moved on and not a peep of her and not a chance of that "i'm gonna tell you gf" crap. I was like man... i think you need to be honest and tell her... my other friend was like why? she don't know... things are great between you 2 now and it would only mess up what u got in the present. I was like well yeah... but isn't honesty the best thing to do in a realtionship... i men c'mon a lie is a lie... we all do it... this just happens to be larger than others. So my freind says i think i'm gonna tell her... the guilt is eating me up inside and i feel guilty sometimes just doing normal things with her. I won't do it no more it was my once and i'll never do it again....So i was like oh so you wanna tell her just to ease your guilt? he was like no.... well yeah but to do the right thing too...hmmm

this is a pickel..


so in conclusion...Person A cheats on Person B....Person B has no idea and is happy with the relationship. Person A is feeling horrible guilt and cant live with it so Person A wants to tell Person B. person A is happy with the current relationship and has sworn not to do it again..but is not sure to tell person B.


you think people tell they cheated to do the right thing...or just to get rid of the guilt they have?

lets hear it.

My first thought after reading this was Hmm...Frenzy doesn't know how to spell "Pickle" :lol j/k


Anyway, I have never cheated on my husband nor do I think I would ever put myself in to a situation that could lead that way. When we got married 11 1/2 years ago we agreed that we would both be aware of our day-to-day interactions with the opposite sex and never spend time alone with someone else. When my husband goes to lunch w/the girls in his office, I am invited and attend as well. Same w/happy hour, etc..


Yesterday I got a call from a girlfriend of mine. She has been married to her 2nd hubby for about 9 years. He was National Guard and went to Iraq. 1 year after getting back, she found out he had been cheating on her for about 6 months. She gave him 5 chances (something I would never do) but kept finding emails and phone numbers after he would plead stupidity and promise it would never happen again. She is smart, educated (just finished her doctorate), pretty, makes a great living but she kept forgiving him because of the kids and the fact that they had been together for a long time. She finally had enough! Her divorce was final in October.


Even after listening to her horror story, I still believe the majority would not cheat. Why get married if you still want other women/men? My husband would rather lose a leg than have me lose my trust in him. Although in truth, he would probably lose another appendage if I caught him cheating.:toast

[Twisted_Dawg]

If you have ever worked at a large company where there are many married men and women that interact together for 8 hours per day, there is usually a lot of cheating going on.

[Trainwreck2100]

If you have ever worked at a large company where there are many married men and women that interact together for 8 hours per day, there is usually a lot of cheating going on.

the only sad part about that situation is they think nobody knows

[Frenzy]

If you have ever worked at a large company where there are many married men and women that interact together for 8 hours per day, there is usually a lot of cheating going on.

no lie,it's wicked

[angel_luv]

My husband would rather lose a leg than have me lose my trust in him. Although in truth, he would probably lose another appendage if I caught him cheating.:toast

:lol You are so great! That's awesome.

[TDMVPDPOY]

She is smart, educated (just finished her doctorate), pretty, makes a great living but she kept forgiving him because of the kids and the fact that they had been together for a long time. She finally had enough! Her divorce was final in October.


so where the pics yo of friend :D

what happens if cheat with the same sex?

[BacktoBasics]

Nothing productive can come out of telling her as of right now. You might be spoiling the rest of your life with this women over a mistake you shouldn't have made. Obviously she deserves better but if it truly was a one time fuck up and you're committed for the long run and she is as well I'd just leave it alone.

There is no sense in ruining her life over something you know was wrong and would never ever ever consider doing again. You fucked up...don't fuck up again. Make up for it by treating her like a goddess and allow her the privilege of spending the rest of her life happy.

Honesty is wonderful, expected and demanded but I don't understand why so many of you guys are hellbent on potentially wrecking this poor girls life over an isolated fuck up that won't happen again.

My stance changes if you become a second offender. Its punishment enough to live with the mistake for the rest of your life. Don't make it worse by forcing her to live with it as well. You may destroy her ability to ever trust anyone again. Doesn't seem fair or righteous to do that to someone when you know it was just a one time lack of better judgment. Now if you're a chronic cheater thats a different story.

[angel_luv]

But what if the girl somehow finds out about the affair at a later date.

Then what?

[ploto]

Nothing productive can come out of telling her as of right now. You might be spoiling the rest of your life with this women over a mistake you shouldn't have made. Obviously she deserves better but if it truly was a one time fuck up and you're committed for the long run and she is as well I'd just leave it alone.

There is no sense in ruining her life over something you know was wrong and would never ever ever consider doing again. You fucked up...don't fuck up again. Make up for it by treating her like a goddess and allow her the privilege of spending the rest of her life happy...

From the story, I do not see this as the case- especially if he is justifying it because they were having problems. What happnes the next time there are some problems (because there always will be)?

[BacktoBasics]

But what if the girl somehow finds out about the affair at a later date.

Then what?Then you go from there. Every single one of us at one point or another in our lives have made poor choices. Some worse than others. What matters is that the mistake doesn't happen again, you're remorseful and are willing to live with the guilt to spare her heartache. No sense in one mans error in judgment sinking an entire ship if the mistake can be righted from that point forward. It can be dealt with personally.

If it truly will never happen again I feel that she deserves the right to fully trust people. If you love her and you truly made a one time mistake you'll protect her from a far worse situation.

Obviously if the dude was a chronic cheater she should be made aware but c'mon it just doesn't make any sense at all to destroy her trust or life over an isolated incident. It could ruin her ability to trust anyone....boyfriend, husband, peers and family members. These things can be permanently devastating. I don't think the isolated one time incident warrants the potential damage it could cause.

Just do right by it from the point forward. Accept your mistake and be a better man for it.

[BacktoBasics]

From the story, I do not see this as the case- especially if he is justifying it because they were having problems. What happnes the next time there are some problems (because there always will be)?Perhaps he's learned his lesson. Perhaps the next time there are problems he'll remember the damage his actions could cause and he'll make a more sound adult decision.

Like I said if he's a chronic cheater then they need counseling and he should come clean regardless of the potential damage it could cause her.

If its a one time deal. Let it go and move on. People do "grow up".

[BacktoBasics]

I certain won't say that I feel my opinion is 100% right or without flaw in reason but its the path of least resistance and the path that will lead to the least amount of damage for now and possibly the future.

[Jekka]

There is no sense in ruining her life over something you know was wrong and would never ever ever consider doing again. You fucked up...don't fuck up again. Make up for it by treating her like a goddess and allow her the privilege of spending the rest of her life happy.


This is, of course, assuming that the guy used protection when cheating, and that the woman does not receive any "fun surprises" at her next routine gyno exam. Even with protection there are things that can be passed on that a guy may never show symptoms for, and for health reasons I think she deserves to know.

[BacktoBasics]

This is, of course, assuming that the guy used protection when cheating, and that the woman does not receive any "fun surprises" at her next routine gyno exam. Even with protection there are things that can be passed on that a guy may never show symptoms for, and for health reasons I think she deserves to know.I thought about that argument. Its what really makes it a tough call. I'd still leave well enough alone. Like I said my opinion isn't without flaw.

[angel_luv]

To me doing it right from the point forward, would be immediately confessing to having cheated.

By keeping the secret the cheater is denying the girl her right to respond.
Also, the cheater puts the girl in the uncomfortable position of learning the truth from some means other than straight from the cheater, which at the very least she is entitled to.
As was pointed out earlier, the woman is also entitled to know that she has been cheated on and to decide how she wants to handle that.

By keeping silent, the cheater is basically tricking the girl into staying with him, since the cheater is withholding from the girl the full reality of their relationship- facts she needs in order to make an informed decision regarding their future.

Not only that, every day the cheater's intial infedility is complicated by however many days of deception accumulate from the time he cheated until the day the girl finally finds out.

That is a lot for any person and relationship to recover from.

[Jekka]

I thought about that argument. Its what really makes it a tough call. I'd still leave well enough alone. Like I said my opinion isn't without flaw.

Yeah, and I'm not saying for sure that her health might be at risk, but if he's given her something like chlamydia, she may not have symptoms and wind up infertile if she doesn't get it checked out. Also, they aren't married, and I think she deserves to know about something like this before letting the relationship get to the point of considering marriage - if it ever does.

[angel_luv]

I certain won't say that I feel my opinion is 100% right or without flaw in reason but its the path of least resistance and the path that will lead to the least amount of damage for now and possibly the future.

I don't think the cheater is in any position to be deciding what is best for a relationship.

I mean honestly, when did he start caring about his relationship? Was it immediately after he cheated or did it take a few days?

The girl has a right to know and to decide.

Forgivness is only genuine if it is offered, not assumed.

[BacktoBasics]

His one lapse in judgment might end up cheating her out of lifetime of happiness within the relationship. It might end up cheating her out of the ability to trust again. Lots of additional unnecessary damage could be done.

30 years from now if they're still together, happy, with kids and he never cheats again it would have been worth sparing the additional heartache over a young mans isolated incident of poor judgment.

[angel_luv]

Agree to disagree then. :)

[BacktoBasics]

Not all mistakes should be punished to the fullest with the most possible collateral damage there could be.

On paper it sounds like the right thing to do but I'm not so sure if he's genuinely remorseful and realizes what a horrible decision he made.

[BacktoBasics]

Agree to disagree then. :)
Yes and no. I don't totally disagree with you. Take note. Its rare.

[angel_luv]

Yes and no. I don't totally disagree with you. Take note. Its rare.

So noted! :)

Rare? I'd say it's almost miraculous. :lol

[TDMVPDPOY]

the only way to solve this problem is to have the involved parties in a orgy

[Frenzy]

so orgy is a universal answer....got it

[Fernando TD21]

She has the right to know so she can decide for herself what she wants and needs in a relationship and whether or not she thinks she deserves better than a man who cheats AND jusitifies it.

This is, of course, assuming that the guy used protection when cheating, and that the woman does not receive any "fun surprises" at her next routine gyno exam. Even with protection there are things that can be passed on that a guy may never show symptoms for, and for health reasons I think she deserves to know.

To me doing it right from the point forward, would be immediately confessing to having cheated.

By keeping the secret the cheater is denying the girl her right to respond.
Also, the cheater puts the girl in the uncomfortable position of learning the truth from some means other than straight from the cheater, which at the very least she is entitled to.
As was pointed out earlier, the woman is also entitled to know that she has been cheated on and to decide how she wants to handle that.

By keeping silent, the cheater is basically tricking the girl into staying with him, since the cheater is withholding from the girl the full reality of their relationship- facts she needs in order to make an informed decision regarding their future.

Not only that, every day the cheater's intial infedility is complicated by however many days of deception accumulate from the time he cheated until the day the girl finally finds out.

That is a lot for any person and relationship to recover from.

Yeah, and I'm not saying for sure that her health might be at risk, but if he's given her something like chlamydia, she may not have symptoms and wind up infertile if she doesn't get it checked out. Also, they aren't married, and I think she deserves to know about something like this before letting the relationship get to the point of considering marriage - if it ever does.
Agreed.



the only way to solve this problem is to have the involved parties in a orgy
:lol

[baseline bum]

Nothing productive can come out of telling her as of right now. You might be spoiling the rest of your life with this women over a mistake you shouldn't have made. Obviously she deserves better but if it truly was a one time fuck up and you're committed for the long run and she is as well I'd just leave it alone.

There is no sense in ruining her life over something you know was wrong and would never ever ever consider doing again. You fucked up...don't fuck up again. Make up for it by treating her like a goddess and allow her the privilege of spending the rest of her life happy.

Honesty is wonderful, expected and demanded but I don't understand why so many of you guys are hellbent on potentially wrecking this poor girls life over an isolated fuck up that won't happen again.

My stance changes if you become a second offender. Its punishment enough to live with the mistake for the rest of your life. Don't make it worse by forcing her to live with it as well. You may destroy her ability to ever trust anyone again. Doesn't seem fair or righteous to do that to someone when you know it was just a one time lack of better judgment. Now if you're a chronic cheater thats a different story.

+1 :tu

[JoeChalupa]

One strike your out is my motto.
I can understand B2B's point of view put to me it is a cop out. Of course telling someone that you've cheated on them is not going to be taken lightly and it could ruin a relationship/marriage that very well could last a lifetime if you keep your mouth shut unless of course they are cheating as well.
I just wouldn't want to be carrying that weight around and it also would lead me to think that "hey, I got away with it once..." the next time I have a chance to get some strange.

[ploto]

B2B: It seems to me that you are saying that a false sense of security is better than the truth, but I can not agree.

Now he is a cheater AND a liar.

And I actually do not agree with one strike and you are out. I do not condone cheating, but I am not self-righteous and think that I am somehow above it all. That is a very dangerous high horse upon which to sit.

[tlongII]

Lotta liars in this thread...

[Liar]

I've never cheated on any woman and would never even think about it.

[TDMVPDPOY]

if you dont believe in ur woman, buy a fkn padlock and lockd that up

doesnt matter how you try to protect ur women, some clown will always try to get into it....

[Frenzy]

B2B: It seems to me that you are saying that a false sense of security is better than the truth, but I can not agree.

Now he is a cheater AND a liar.

And I actually do not agree with one strike and you are out. I do not condone cheating, but I am not self-righteous and think that I am somehow above it all. That is a very dangerous high horse upon which to sit.

interesting :wakeup

[JoeChalupa]

Until I cheat my self-righteous ass can ride on my high horse and it is only dangerous if you don't know how to ride it. Take your marriage by the reins and take control!!

[Strike]

Nothing productive can come out of telling her as of right now. You might be spoiling the rest of your life with this women over a mistake you shouldn't have made. Obviously she deserves better but if it truly was a one time fuck up and you're committed for the long run and she is as well I'd just leave it alone.

In my life experience it is never just a One time fuck up. I've never known a person, man or woman, to cheat only once and then never again. Infidelity in a relationship is usually rooted to a deeper problem than just "I was horny and it was there." I'm not saying it never happens but it is definitely the exception to the rule. The old cliché "Once a cheater, always a cheater" usually rings true.

If dude cheated once and got away with it, he'll probably do it again regardless of any personal guilt he feels.

[ploto]

interesting :wakeup

If by that you are wondering if I am a cheater- no I have never cheated . But you never know where life will take you and acting as if it could never tempt you is dangerous and causes people to let down their guard. People who think they have perfect marriages are usually the most shocked when the cheating fairy arrives at their door.

[JoeChalupa]

if you dont believe in ur woman, buy a fkn padlock and lockd that up

doesnt matter how you try to protect ur women, some clown will always try to get into it....


If by that you are wondering if I am a cheater- no I have never cheated . But you never know where life will take you and acting as if it could never tempt you is dangerous and causes people to let down their guard. People who think they have perfect marriages are usually the most shocked when the cheating fairy arrives at their door.

If you are not "shocked" when you find out your spouse is cheating your relationship/marriage was probably already on the rocks. If you are not interested in cheating on your spouse then your guard doesn't need to be up. I go to lunch with the ladies at work all the time and I don't have my guard up because the thought simply is not there. And yes, I do work with some MILF's but that is where it stops. I've even gone on business trips with a few of them. No damage done. Faithful marriages do exist out there.

[ploto]

Take your marriage by the reins and take control!!
There are plenty of people who do right by their marriages and still get cheated on. Guess I know too many supposedly religious people who claimed they were immuned but who ended up cheating on their unsuspecting spouses.

[Frenzy]

If by that you are wondering if I am a cheater- no I have never cheated . But you never know where life will take you and acting as if it could never tempt you is dangerous and causes people to let down their guard. People who think they have perfect marriages are usually the most shocked when the cheating fairy arrives at their door.

wasn't wondering nothing i generally thought it was an interesting post.... gosh guilt! haha nah..But true.. never say never ...sure u can think it... but never say it. :nope

[JudynTX]

Nope, never been a cheater, that's just not my style. I'm faithful to my husband because we exchanged vows and I love him dearly. Even after 4 yrs of marriage, I love him more every single day. :)

I'd like to thank my EX-Drew for cheating on me, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet my husband. :D

[BacktoBasics]

B2B: It seems to me that you are saying that a false sense of security is better than the truth, but I can not agree.

Its not a false sense of security if the guy isn't a chronic cheater. If he fucked up and never does it again she has the next 40 years to be justifiably right in trusting him and has all the security in the world. One fuck up shouldn't constitute a behavioral pattern.

[BacktoBasics]

In my life experience it is never just a One time fuck up. I've never known a person, man or woman, to cheat only once and then never again. Infidelity in a relationship is usually rooted to a deeper problem than just "I was horny and it was there." I'm not saying it never happens but it is definitely the exception to the rule. The old cliché "Once a cheater, always a cheater" usually rings true.

If dude cheated once and got away with it, he'll probably do it again regardless of any personal guilt he feels.I've known a few people to cheat once and never cheat again. Sometimes people do it without realizing the amount of guilt involved after the action.

[peewee's lovechild]

Self control = :jack

:lmao

[peewee's lovechild]

This is on Oprah all the time. :lol A cheater only confesses to make himself feel better, not for the sake of the spouse. Keep it to yourself and keep your pants zipped next time.

Yea, Oprah is beyond reproach.

Um, how many successful marriages has The Queen Diva of Daytime TV had?

[JoeChalupa]

There are plenty of people who do right by their marriages and still get cheated on. Guess I know too many supposedly religious people who claimed they were immuned but who ended up cheating on their unsuspecting spouses.

That is a correct statement. Being cheated on is not the same as cheating though. I cannot control my wife from cheating other than being the best husband I can be and not give her reason to cheat. We've talked about this and I told her that if she feels she needs to cheat then just tell me before hand so we can either work things out before she goes that far or just end it before it happens.
But we are such great friends and talk every single day that I would hope we'd both be upfront about it. I'm just glad that I'm so damn fantastic in bed I don't worry about it.

[peewee's lovechild]

Did any of you guys ever see the show called "The Mind of A Married Man" on HBO?

Well, there was this one episode where Mike Bender's character is confronted by his boss about his shennanigans with the secretary, Misty (who was very hot, by the way).

The boss doesn't ask him if he's cheating on his wife. Instead, he tells him something very unexpected.

He tells him that if he's cheated on his wife, or if indeed he's planning to do it, that he should never tell his wife. He tells him that he cheated once and that he confessed to his wife only to see her crushed by it. He said that from that moment on, she was a different person. He said that he regretted doing it.

Anyway, he may or may not have had a point.

[Summers]

Yea, Oprah is beyond reproach.

Um, how many successful marriages has The Queen Diva of Daytime TV had?

Easy, cowboy. I was just trying to be funny. But seriously, every marriage counselor I've ever heard talk about this says that a cheater only confesses to make himself feel better. It's not good for the marriage. Whether having a cheating a spouse means your marriage isn't worth saving in the first place is a completely different subject.

[Summers]

Did any of you guys ever see the show called "The Mind of A Married Man" on HBO?

Well, there was this one episode where Mike Bender's character is confronted by his boss about his shennanigans with the secretary, Misty (who was very hot, by the way).

The boss doesn't ask him if he's cheating on his wife. Instead, he tells him something very unexpected.

He tells him that if he's cheated on his wife, or if indeed he's planning to do it, that he should never tell his wife. He tells him that he cheated once and that he confessed to his wife only to see her crushed by it. He said that from that moment on, she was a different person. He said that he regretted doing it.

Anyway, he may or may not have had a point.

So some fictional character on HBO is beyond reproach? :lol

[JoeChalupa]

Easy, cowboy. I was just trying to be funny. But seriously, every marriage counselor I've ever heard talk about this says that a cheater only confesses to make himself feel better. It's not good for the marriage. Whether having a cheating a spouse means your marriage isn't worth saving in the first place is a completely different subject.

I can buy into that. Knowing about cheating is NEVER a good thing and to say knowing is not good for the marriage is a no-brainer and I don't need no PHD to tell me that.

[peewee's lovechild]

Easy, cowboy. I was just trying to be funny. But seriously, every marriage counselor I've ever heard talk about this says that a cheater only confesses to make himself feel better. It's not good for the marriage. Whether having a cheating a spouse means your marriage isn't worth saving in the first place is a completely different subject.

I never said that those who confess do not have an alterior motive.

All I said, is that some may feel that the other person may have a right to know, regardless as to what damage it may cause.

I do think, however, that Oprah is full of shit.

[peewee's lovechild]

So some fictional character on HBO is beyond reproach? :lol

Not the character, but what his character said.

I always found what he said interesting.

[Summers]

Not the character, but what his character said.

I always found what he said interesting.

I was :lol because it's the same advice I mentioned hearing from marriage counselors on Oprah, but you made fun of me. :)

[peewee's lovechild]

I was :lol because it's the same advice I mentioned hearing from marriage counselors on Oprah, but you made fun of me. :)

I was making fun of you because you mentioned Oprah.

That bloated bitch is the Rush Limbaugh of daytime t.v.

[Summers]

I was making fun of you because you mentioned Oprah.

That bloated bitch is the Rush Limbaugh of daytime t.v.

Except that she's not evil. Besides, it wasn't her advice. :)

[JudynTX]

I was making fun of you because you mentioned Oprah.

That bloated bitch is the Rush Limbaugh of daytime t.v.

:lol:lol

[BacktoBasics]

I was making fun of you because you mentioned Oprah.

That bloated bitch is the Rush Limbaugh of daytime t.v.
Thats actually a pretty good analogy.

[peewee's lovechild]

Except that she's not evil. Besides, it wasn't her advice. :)

Fair enough.

[1Parker1]

http://img11.imageshack.us/img11/6784/share250209.jpg

:lol :lol

[1Parker1]

For those of you arguing that telling the other person is selfish because you just want to "ease the guilt"...well NOT telling the other person can be selfish as well for the reason that now, you are making the decision to stay with the other person. What I mean is, the other person has the right to know they were cheated on and to make a decision whether or not to forgive and stay with the person or not.

[Frenzy]

as an update. he's not telling her. I'll make sure to post an update if he cheats again...any bets ...bets? i'm jk.

[MiamiHeat]

at this point in my life, if my wife cheated on me,

I would stare at the ground in quiet serenity for a little while and just think all of this through, divorce her, not care about her anymore or what she did, and travel the world visiting sites and having girlfriends wherever I go.

Basically shrug my shoulders, oh well, and move on and do a lot of cool happy things. I'd be single again, so watch out ladies!! No serious relationships for me for a LONG time though. Might not even get married ever again.

[angel_luv]

I thought of this thread the other day when they played Kellie Pickler's new song " The Best Years of Your life" on the radio.

[Brutalis]

Man there is nothing simple or easy about that scenario.

Most of us have been person B, and everyone I know just about has been person A, whether they felt bad for it or not. I personally can say I have never cheated, but have been cheated on in the worst ways.

When she told me, I knew she felt bad and it was a genuine I'm sorry. But it didn't matter to me, it ultimately stunned the relationship and months later it finally collapsed from staggering too long in the storm. Of course I was genuinely happy she confessed and had the guts to come clean, but it felt like a left upper cut on my heart.

I hope I never have to feel such things again for it took me a long time to get over that, then her, then find myself and figure out what to do with my life. A couple months ago (first week of Jan.) I finally came to terms and got my closure randomly one night. But that scar will always be there. When she told me, the weird feeling of something's wrong had made sense.

I wish people would just believe in their significant other, and love better. It's easy to cheat, or do wrong to someone. It's hard to be true and honest. But the payout is so awesome if people could just be straight and honest.

[TDMVPDPOY]

when she told you, i bet you 2 had sex that night

and fuck it, hit it and quit it

[Spurminator]

I think you should know your spouse well enough to determine whether he/she would want to know if you cheated on them. Myself, I think I'd frankly rather live in ignorance. Especially if it was just a one time thing.

[TDMVPDPOY]

did what the other lady did in one of teh articles posted on this site a few weeks ago

sniff....