Okay Okay last thread of the day. An education in clams.

[BacktoBasics]

I fucking love parenting. A long while ago I implemented "weasel" for penis. So the boy is constantly telling people they have weasels. Well being the good parent that I am I offered up some clarification the other day.

Boy: weasel weasel weasel mom has a big weasel

Me: Hey son boys have weasels and girls have clams. Understand?

Boy: ohhhh ok

Boy: so she has a weasel clam

Me: :lmao no no no well some women do but most just have a clam

Wife: STOP RIGHT NOW. DON'T START.

Me: Hey bigman go tell your mom to sell her clam so we can buy dinner.

Wife: :nope

Boy: MOOOOM sell your clam already I want french fries and chocolate.

Wife: :depressed stop teaching him that stuff.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Email from wife 10 minutes ago

Wife: I hope you're proud because your son just told every lady he saw at HEB that "mom sold her clam for cereal".

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:lmao

[JoeChalupa]

I can see him weaseling himself into a clam or two when he gets older.

[Bigzax]

good stuff. :lol

[SpursWoman]

:lol :lol

[desflood]

That's some pretty funny sh*t - but I feel I have to warn you. If she ever leaves your dumb ass, do not bother complaining on here. We all know how you treat her :lol

And this is preemptive - don't bother telling me what a great husband you are and how good she has it.

[clambake]

don't forget to tell them how the weasel bakes a clam.

[CosmicCowboy]

Me: no no no well some women do but most just have a clam

:lmao:lmao:lmao:lmao:lmao

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

How old is this kid? Because I foresee a whole lot more installments in B2B's "Pussification of America" series when this kid starts tossing this sort of stuff around in the public school system and we get to hear about the ensuing parent/teacher conferences.

[BacktoBasics]

He's a little over 3

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

He's a little over 3

Awesome. I think he's destined for some epic thread material when he hits kindergarten.

[CosmicCowboy]

I'm sure the kids perfectly normal.
http://www.lipsticking.com/images/baby_2.jpg

[BacktoBasics]

Awesome. I think he's destined for some epic thread material when he hits kindergarten.should bode well for all of us.

[BruceBowenFan]

That was great. :lol

[Mixability]

At this rate, once some little girl asks to see this weasel your son is bragging about having, you'll have this kid beat in no time!



Attack of the preschool perverts
Mark Steyn
Syndicated columnist
Comments 24| Recommend 29

Is American public education a form of child abuse? The Washington Post's Brigid Schulte reported this month on a student named Randy Castro, who attends school in Woodbridge, Va. Last November at recess he slapped a classmate on her bottom. The teacher took him to the principal. School officials wrote up an incident report and then called the police.

Randy Castro is in the first grade. But, at the ripe old age of 6, he's been declared a sex offender by Potomac View Elementary School. He's guilty of sexual harassment, and the incident report will remain on his record for the rest of his school days – and maybe beyond.

Maybe it'll be one of those things that just keeps turning up on background checks forever and ever: Perhaps 34-year-old Randy Castro will apply for a job, and at his prospective employer's computer up will pop his sexual-harasser status yet again. Or maybe he'll be able to keep it hushed up until he's 57 and runs for governor of Virginia, and suddenly his political career self-detonates when the sordid details of his Spitzeresque sexual pathologies are revealed.

But that's what he is now: Randy Castro, sex offender. The title of the incident report spells out his crime: "Sexual Touching Against Student, Offensive." The curiously placed comma might also be offensive were it not that school officials are having to spend so much of their energies grappling with the first-grade sexual-harassment epidemic they can no longer afford to waste time acquiring peripheral skills such as punctuation.

Randy Castro was not apprehended until he was 6, so who knows how long his reign of sexual terror lasted? Sixteen months ago, a school official in Texas accused a 4-year-old of sexual harassment after the boy was observed pressing his face into the breasts of a teacher's aide when he hugged her before boarding the school bus. Fortunately, the school took decisive action and suspended the sick freak.

By the way, is that the first recorded use in the history of the English language of the phrase "accused a 4-year-old of sexual harassment"? Well, it won't be the last: In the state of Maryland last year, 16 kindergartners were suspended for sexual harassment, as were three preschoolers.

School officials declined to comment to the Washington Post on Master Castro's case on the grounds of student confidentiality. However, they did say that the decision to call the cops was "the result of a misunderstanding." And it's not like he was Tasered or anything.

When school officials call 911 because of a "misunderstanding" with a 6-year-old, the fault is theirs: He's a kid; and they're school officials who are supposedly trained and handsomely remunerated to know how to deal with children. Incidentally, the phrase "school officials" isn't quite as rare as "37-year-old teacher's aide accuses 4-year-old of sexual harassment" but it would still ring foreign to your average old-school schoolmarm in a one-room schoolhouse. Back then, schools had schoolchildren and schoolteachers and that was pretty much it. But now grade schools are full of "officials," just like the Department of Homeland Security.

So who does get a little breast and butt action in American schools these days? Obviously not your 4-year-old gropers and 6-year-old predators: The system's doing an admirable job of cracking down on those perverts.

No, if you want to get up close and personal with body parts you've got to be a "school official." The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals recently heard oral arguments in the case of Savana Redding. Back in 2003, Savana was an eighth grader at Safford Middle School in Safford, Ariz., when the vice principal, Kerry Wilson, "acting on a tip," discovered a fellow student to have a handful of ibuprofen tablets in her pocket. The other girl said she got them from Savana, who denied it. She had no tablets in her own pockets or in her backpack. Vice Principal Wilson, whose mind works in interesting ways, then decided that Savana might be hiding the ibuprofen in her cleavage or her crotch.

So, without contacting the girl's parents, he ordered a school official to strip-search Savana. She was obliged to expose her breasts and "her pelvic area." If Vice Principal Wilson were a 4-year-old preschooler who had been involved in a stunt like that, he'd now be a registered sex offender for life. But fortunately he's a "school official" so if he decides to apply search techniques associated with international narcotics traffic he pretty much has a free hand to do so. After all, ibuprofen is serious stuff. As Reason magazine's Jacob Sullum put it, "It's a good thing the school took swift action, before anyone got unauthorized relief from menstrual cramps."

The policies of these "school officials" are dignified by the name of "zero tolerance." "Zero sanity" would be a more accurate description. One day we'll look back at this period of government-instituted madness and wonder why those entrusted with the care of minors (or, to be more accurate, those who enjoy a de facto state monopoly over the care of minors) were unable to do what teachers in civilized societies have been able to do throughout human history – exercise individual human judgment.

Michelle Obama called last week for Americans to pony up even more dough for their public school system. The United States already spends more per student than any other developed nation except Switzerland, and at least the Swiss have something to show for it. By any reasonable measure, at least a third of the cash dumped into American schools is entirely wasted. And, if we simply shipped every youngster to boarding school in the Alps instead, the kindergartners might have a sporting chance of making it to second grade before being designated as sexual abusers.

But I don't expect Michelle Obama to see it like that. Last week, an Obama delegate was revealed to have told her next-door neighbor's kids to come down from the tree and quit playing "like monkeys". Unfortunately for her, they were African American, so she was "ticketed" for racist speech by the Carpentersville police, and, after issuing the usual solemn statements deploring such derisive remarks, Sen. Obama removed the delegate from his campaign, had her encased in a cement overcoat and lowered into the Chicago River. He, too, operates a "zero tolerance" policy.

Amid the debris of human lives caught up in these idiocies, you can also find the ruins of an indispensable element of civilized society: a sense of proportion.

[mavs>spurs2]

I've heard the phrase "draining the weasel," but I've never heard of "clam" being used instead of vagina :lol

[SpursWoman]

I've heard the phrase "draining the weasel," but I've never heard of "clam" being used instead of vagina :lol


http://www.unclebarky.com/back_files/page12_blog_entry22_2.jpg


ace of spades
adam's cave
altar of love
baby box
bearded clam
beaver
belly entrance
biscuit
black bess
black box
blossom
bluebeard's closet
box
briar patch
brown madam
bullseye
bunny
bush
button hole
cabbage patch
canal
candle holder
carnal canyon
Cap'n Fuzzy
cat's meat
cave of harmony
cave of the 7th happiness
cavern
cellar door
chute
chocha
clamper
cleft
clutch
cockpit
cooch/coochie
cookie
cooter
cooze
coupler
crack
cranny
crease
crevice
crumpet
dimple
divine scar
donut
eel-skinner
Ellie Mae Clamp-it
envelope
fig bush
figgy pudding
fish tank
flower
Fort Bushy
front window
furbox
furburger
furrow gap
gaper
gash
gate of heaven
ginch (who stole Christmas?)
ginny
girl-street
glove
glove of love
goat-milker
gravy-maker
gully-hole
hair pie
happy valley
harbor of hope
hatch
hedgehog
hog eye
hole
honey-hive
honey-pot
hoohoo
horse collar
hot box
hot spot
house under the hill
irish fortune
itching jenny
jack nasty-face
jaxy
jelly-roll
juice box
keyhole
lady jane
lamp of love
lapland
latching lucy
lather-maker
little mary
locker
long-eye
love sponge
love tunnel
lower lips
magpie's nest
manhole
mark of the beast
meat
meat curtains
meat grinder
missy-thang
mom's homemade slit pie
mother's little secret
mound
mount pleasant
mouse
mouth-that-cannot-bite
muff
naf
nature's tufted treasure
nest
niche
nook
nooky
notch
oat-bin
old mossyface
organ grinder
oven
oyster catcher
patch
pelt
pen wiper
pie
piece
pin cushion
pipe cleaner
piss flaps
pit
playpen
pocker
poke hole
poontang
poor man's blessing
prick
purse
pussy
puta
quiff
quill sharpener
quim
quiver
rose
sachet
sausage wrap
Sir Muffenstein
slash
slit
slot
snake charmer
snapper
snappin' clam
snappin' turtle
snatch
snatch-box
socket
sportsman's gap
stank
steam room
stuff
sugar basin
tail
temple of low men
tool chest
toy shop
treasure chest
trench
triangle
trim
tube
tuna
taca tunnel
tunnel of love
twat
tweeze
twinkie-lee
twitcher
vag
vajayjay
valley
velvet glove
venus highway
vertical smile
victoria's secret
wet cave of lust
wet weasel
whisker biscuit
wooly-burger
yawnie
yum-yum

[BacktoBasics]

I really could care less if gets branded a sex offender at the age of 3. At the very least it'll help his street cred.

[Mixability]

I really could care less if gets branded a sex offender at the age of 3. At the very least it'll help his street cred.

With the street cred in tact, all he'll need is a nice southern drawl and he'll be in prime condition to take over the business!

[BacktoBasics]

With the street cred in tact, all he'll need is a nice southern drawl and he'll be in prime condition to take over the business!I would beat the southern drawl out of him.

[mavs>spurs2]

I would beat the southern drawl out of him.

I thought athiesm was a peaceful religion :lmao

[Mixability]

Oh yeah, make sure you teach him that some people's weasels are biggers than others.

You wouldn't want him to suffer through what GiG made you suffer through right?

[BacktoBasics]

Oh yeah, make sure you teach him that some people's weasels are biggers than others.

You wouldn't want him to suffer through what GiG made you suffer through right?I don't recall suffering. I guess you're trying to make me melt. Its not working.

[Mixability]

I don't recall suffering. I guess you're trying to make me melt. Its not working.

Make you melt?

Sorry, I'm not Joe, I don't swing that way.

[BacktoBasics]

Make you melt?

Sorry, I'm not Joe, I don't swing that way.Apology accepted.

[Winehole23]

I heard today there's a female version of teabagging: the taco drop.

[exstatic]

I would beat the southern drawl out of him.

Lest he outsell you on the trailer lot?