Child hangs self after bullying at school.

[Cry Havoc]

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/23/bullying.suicide/index.html

My bullied son's last day on Earth

ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- Eleven-year-old Jaheem Herrera woke up on April 16 acting strangely. He wasn't hungry and he didn't want to go to school.

But the outgoing fifth grader packed his bag and went to school at Dunaire Elementary School in DeKalb County, Georgia.

He came home much happier than when he left in the morning, smiling as he handed his mother, Masika Bermudez, a glowing report card full of A's and B's. She gave him a high-five and he went upstairs to his room as she prepared dinner.

A little later, when his younger sister called him to come down to eat, Jaheem didn't answer.

So mother and daughter climbed the stairs to Jaheem's room and opened the door.

Jaheem was hanging by his belt in the closet.

"I always used to see these things on TV, dead people on the news," says Bermudez. "I saw somebody die and to see this dead person is your son, hanging there, a young boy. ... To hang yourself like that, you've got to really be tired of something."

Bermudez says bullies at school pushed Jaheem over the edge. He complained about being called gay, ugly and "the virgin" because he was from the Virgin Islands, she said.

"He used to say Mom they keep telling me this ... this gay word, this gay, gay, gay. I'm tired of hearing it, they're telling me the same thing over and over," she told CNN, as she wiped away tears from her face.

But while she says her son complained about the bullying, she had no idea how bad it had gotten.

"He told me, but he just got to the point where he didn't want me to get involved anymore because nothing was done," she said.

Bermudez said she complained to the school about bullying seven or eight times, but it wasn't enough to save him.

"It [apparently] just got worse and worse and worse until Thursday," she said. "Just to walk up to that room and see your baby hanging there. My daughter saw this, my baby saw this, my kids are traumatized."

She said Jaheem was a shy boy just trying to get a good education and make friends.

"He was a nice little boy," Bermudez said through her tears. "He loved to dance. He loved to have fun. He loved to make friends. And all he made [at school] were enemies."

Bermudez said she thinks her son felt like nobody wanted to help him, that nobody stood up and stopped the bullies.

"Maybe he said 'You know what -- I'm tired of telling my mom, she's been trying so hard, but nobody wants to help me,' " says Bermudez.

After Jaheem's death, the school board expressed condolences, saying the school staff "works diligently to provide a safe and nurturing environment for all students."

Trying desperately to understand what went wrong, Bermudez asked her son's best friend to recount what happened on the day Jaheem killed himself.

"He [said he was] tired of complaining, tired of these guys messing with him," Bermudez said, recalling the conversation with Jaheem's best friend. "Tired of talking, I think to his teachers, counselors and nobody is doing anything -- and the best way out is death."

Allegations of such severe bullying surprises experts familiar with the school district. It's anti-bullying program was considered exemplary and includes programs to raise awareness and a specially trained liaison. Students are even asked to sign a no-bullying pledge. But other parents told CNN they have complained about bullying as well.

Despite recent strides towards preventing bullying in schools and increased awareness programs, a Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network study showed that 65 percent of teens are bullied each year and most believe adults can't help them.

Less than a month before Jaheem's death, a boy in Massachusetts killed himself after being bullied, harassed and called "gay."

Eliza Byard, executive director of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, says to be effective, awareness programs need to include education about the harm that can be done by teasing someone about sexuality or perceived sexuality.

"Anti-gay language is really the ultimate weapon for a bully who wants to degrade his or her peers," she says. "And any effective response to bullying has to take that on."

Bermudez doesn't understand why the children at school couldn't learn to get along. Because of it, she'll never get to see her son grow up.

"My baby, that's my only boy, and I lost him now," says Bermudez. "He was my first child and ... to lose him 11 years after, he didn't live his life."

She hopes her son's death will result in positive changes that will help other kids being bullied.

"Those that are being bullied -- they need to talk to their parents, they need to not hold back," she says. "I lost my son and now something has to be done."

-------------------

I realize that some people might want to point the finger at the parenting here, but there is only so much a parent can do. I was bullied when I was in school and EVERYONE turned a blind eye to it. The teachers would simply look past it and pretend like it never happened. Schools need to step up and take notice of this, because they are doing a HORRIBLE job of it thus far. That grade school is very lucky he only hung himself and didn't bring a pistol to class to take care of those bullies.

I think the schools need to take immediate action in any bullying circumstance. Any time you see a kid being ganged up on and insulted, there is something beyond "normal teasing" there.

The children should be prosecuted, and any teachers who ignore these warning signs should be immediately placed under a board of review. I'm sick of hearing stories like this.

[Bukefal]

that's sad :( teachers should do something about this in the beginning, so nothing worse can happen afterwards.

[dimsah]

Students are even asked to sign a no-bullying pledge.They state this as if it means anything. As if they're shocked bullying still goes on after they signed a no bullying pledge.

Some people are just naive idiots.


What a horrible story. I can't even fathom an 11 year old even considering suicide. He's a child. That sort of thing shouldn't be going through a kid's head.

[mavs>spurs2]

This is effing sad..:depressed. Apparently some people today aren't parents at all, otherwise these little heathens would know how to act.

[TDMVPDPOY]

shes going to get paid like most bullying victims.....she should sue them broke

[Frenzy]

kids got bullied before(60's 70's 80's...etc)... why does this happen now?


poor kid though...man that's sad.

[baseline bum]

kids got bullied before(60's 70's 80's...etc)... why does this happen now?


poor kid though...man that's sad.

I'm sure it happened then too, but there was no world-wide-web to bring you stories from every town in America every time something like this happened.

[MiamiHeat]

he was happy when he got home

but then he killed himself.

does he have a computer? maybe he was happy when he came home, then he went online to myspace or facebook or whatever the hell his classmates use, and they made fun of him again and humiliated him in a chat room or something. "go kill urself fag" type of crap

[BWS-1994]

he was happy when he got home

but then he killed himself.

does he have a computer? maybe he was happy when he came home, then he went online to myspace or facebook or whatever the hell his classmates use, and they made fun of him again and humiliated him in a chat room or something. "go kill urself fag" type of crap

Sudden change of or strange attitude, behavior is usually a warning for suicidal tendencies.

[Bigzax]

it can be natural to be happy prior to one's suicide.

the way out has been found and it can be a relief.

very sad for anyone, much less an 11 year old child.

[Johnny RIngo]

God, what a depressing story. Especially feel bad for the kid's parents. It's too bad he didn't have any brothers to cheer him up after those long, depressing days at school(I would've gone crazy if it wasn't for the SNES).

Hopefully something's done about the irresponsible parents of these dipshits that drove the kid over the edge.

[Nobody]

Horrible. I have an 8 year old and a 5 year old. I can't even imagine seeing something like this. Just reading this and for a second imagining it being one of my girls invokes anxiety attacks.

[JoeChalupa]

Such a tragedy. Too bad there weren't enough kids that befriended him. "Harmless" teasing can have traumatic results and it just plain sucks. I've been there and it isn't any fun at all.

[Jekka]

kids got bullied before(60's 70's 80's...etc)... why does this happen now?


poor kid though...man that's sad.
It's not just bullying like it was in the past, though. With the internet, a lot of that abuse continues even after the kids have left school. It can be a never-ending barrage of insults and misconceptions, and with networking sites it reaches even farther. Kids that aren't even in your school can know about it.

I also think that part of it is the trend in hands-off parenting that I saw so much when I was working with kids in SA - without any enforced limits from their parents to push, kids can start to push the limits of each other instead.

[JoeChalupa]

It's not just bullying like it was in the past, though. With the internet, a lot of that abuse continues even after the kids have left school. It can be a never-ending barrage of insults and misconceptions, and with networking sites it reaches even farther. Kids that aren't even in your school can know about it.

I also think that part of it is the trend in hands-off parenting that I saw so much when I was working with kids in SA - without any enforced limits from their parents to push, kids can start to push the limits of each other instead.

+1 My kids know that we do not tolerate teasing of any kind. We were notified when our oldest participated in a group session of teasing and we nipped that in the bud. We had a long conversation with both of them on how hurtful and damaging "innocent" teasing can be.

[1Parker1]

Wow, what a terrible story. How does an 11 year old even KNOW how one can commit suicide like that by using a belt and hanging from a closet?

[phyzik]

I also think that part of it is the trend in hands-off parenting that I saw so much when I was working with kids in SA

That.

Nothing else.

Bullying is still the same, granted the internet may increase it, but since when is calling someone "gay" a reason to commit suicide? seriously. Its this bullshit of kids (or immature adults) raising kids. Every time I see or hear about a 16-21 (or 22, 23, 24) year old having a kid without a stable life (house, job, car...) I feel like punching the shit out of them.

Not only are they screwing up their "fum part of life" but also the life of the kid that was born because they cant properly take care of them. Then those that chose not to go that route get to take shit about it from these assholes when the irresponsible people see that the responsible people have all the fun toys (cars, home, ect.) all because said person(s) decided not to fuck someone without protection at an early age.

This is tragic and fucked up and Im not saying this lady is one of these people but the sad truth is that its a huge trend these days and its about time we stop being so fucking PC about it and tell these fucking idiots how it is.

[Mixability]

They state this as if it means anything. As if they're shocked bullying still goes on after they signed a no bullying pledge.

Some people are just naive idiots.

:tu

They should do a survey on how many kids back in the 80's pledged to be drug free during the D.A.R.E. bullshit when I was back in school.

[Mixability]

And I still say you should need a license to be a parent.

You need one to drive.

You need on to fish.

But not to raise a child?

[Soul_Patch]

That is terrible. I couldn't imagine the pain she must feel. I dont know what i would do if it was my son. I worry about stuff like this as he grows up. Don't really know how to avoid it though.

[BacktoBasics]

That is terrible. I couldn't imagine the pain she must feel. I dont know what i would do if it was my son. I worry about stuff like this as he grows up. Don't really know how to avoid it though.I fight with this too. I guess I feel like its important to start prepping them while they're young.

This is what I told my girls.

"Go out of your way to make friends with the kids that get picked on. They'll be the most trustworthy friends you could ever have. Its also highly likely that they'll be successful as a result of being childhood wierdos. You'll need these friendships when you're an adult. They'll be lawyers, business owners, cops or celebs. They'll never forget how you stuck by them".

"If you're the one being picked on give it one chance to be addressed by a teacher or higher up faculty member. If nothing is done stalk the person picking on you inbetween classes. The in a busy hallway jump the shit out them and don't stop swinging until someone breaks it up. In a busy hallway it'll be broken up quick so you'll get your shots in. You'll have done the right thing by letting a teacher know upfront whats going on and I'll support you for not letting it drag on."

You gotta fight back. It'll never end unless they do.

[Mixability]

I fight with this too. I guess I feel like its important to start prepping them while they're young.

This is what I told my girls.

"Go out of your way to make friends with the kids that get picked on. They'll be the most trustworthy friends you could ever have. Its also highly likely that they'll be successful as a result of being childhood wierdos. You'll need these friendships when you're an adult. They'll be lawyers, business owners, cops or celebs. They'll never forget how you stuck by them".

"If you're the one being picked on give it one chance to be addressed by a teacher or higher up faculty member. If nothing is done stalk the person picking on you inbetween classes. The in a busy hallway jump the shit out them and don't stop swinging until someone breaks it up. In a busy hallway it'll be broken up quick so you'll get your shots in. You'll have done the right thing by letting a teacher know upfront whats going on and I'll support you for not letting it drag on."

You gotta fight back. It'll never end unless they do.

:tu

I'm glad my son is big for his age. But hopefully he won't be the bully.

[Spurminator]

Wow, what a terrible story. How does an 11 year old even KNOW how one can commit suicide like that by using a belt and hanging from a closet?

That was my thought as well.

This is very very sad, but also VERY strange... Even with the most intense bullying imaginable, you would expect an 11-year-old to, at worst, refuse to go to school in the morning, beg his mother to go to a different school, throw fits while being dragged to school... maybe all of this happened, but it's hard to fathom a child deciding to take his own life in this way.

[Soul_Patch]

I fight with this too. I guess I feel like its important to start prepping them while they're young.

This is what I told my girls.

"Go out of your way to make friends with the kids that get picked on. They'll be the most trustworthy friends you could ever have. Its also highly likely that they'll be successful as a result of being childhood wierdos. You'll need these friendships when you're an adult. They'll be lawyers, business owners, cops or celebs. They'll never forget how you stuck by them".

"If you're the one being picked on give it one chance to be addressed by a teacher or higher up faculty member. If nothing is done stalk the person picking on you inbetween classes. The in a busy hallway jump the shit out them and don't stop swinging until someone breaks it up. In a busy hallway it'll be broken up quick so you'll get your shots in. You'll have done the right thing by letting a teacher know upfront whats going on and I'll support you for not letting it drag on."

You gotta fight back. It'll never end unless they do.


Funny, but you are right. It is sorta like a microcosm of prison life. Luckily my son is big. 16 months old, but looks like he is 3 already...

[FaithInOne]

Who wasn't bullied as a kid at one point or another. Asshole adults still try to intimidate other adults later on in life. Once you go directly at them 99% cave in if they don't have too much leverage over you.

I'm putting my future kid through the Agoge.

[Mixability]

Who wasn't bullied as a kid at one point or another.

I'm putting my kid through the Agoge.

:tu

I remember my first fight, if you can call it that.

This big redheaded kid with freckles was always picking on me, during class, in the hallways. I was in 2nd grade I think.

Anyways, this one time after lunch when we were all outside during recess, he came up to me and pushed me. Me and my friends were out near the tetherball pole. I didn't want to look like a little punk in front of them, so I swung. I was only as tall as his shoulders, so the only target I had other than his chest was his nuts. So I punched so hard, they must've gone up into his chest. That was the last time he bullied me. :ihit

[FaithInOne]

Another life lesson I will hope to pass on is sometimes you just have to take shit from other people. Really, most of the time because if you go off you really don't gain anything from it.

If you can keep the big picture in mind, it makes it fairly easy to endure the b.s. This is hard for a kid to understand, but realistically most things that happen in elem-high school don't mean anything once you graduate. Nothing.

Also, don't ever make fun of fat chicks or anyone else early in life because some will turn out to be hot or good friends once they grow up :lol At that age you've got a small social pool, you've got to keep your options open.

[BacktoBasics]

Taking shit is one thing. Being abused and picked on are another.

[Mixability]

Also, don't ever make fun of fat chicks early in life because some will turn out to be hot once they grow up :lmao

And the reverse is also true. I've seen at least 5-6 girls from highschool lately and they ALL blew up. They used to be the popular girls, cheerleaders, volleyball players. And to think EVERYONE wanted them back in the day. Now they're fat and/or pregnant with quite a few children already.

[JoeChalupa]

Taking shit is one thing. Being abused and picked on are another.

I concur. My girls do know how to defend themselves though.

[FaithInOne]

And the reverse is also true. I've seen at least 5-6 girls from highschool lately and they ALL blew up. They used to be the popular girls, cheerleaders, volleyball players. And to think EVERYONE wanted them back in the day. Now they're fat and/or pregnant with quite a few children already.

Seriously man. The best strategy is to keep an eye out for the ugly ducklings because the girls who had to develop personalities/work ethic first because of their goofiness will round out to be the total package once they hit jr-sr year.

I've seriously thought about making a handbook for jr. :rollin

[JoeChalupa]

I was a late bloomer and grabbed a young wife. :tu

[Sec24Row7]

I got bullied when I was a kid... until I stopped it...

It's just the way that all mammals establish pecking order...

You aren't ever going to stop the behavior as a whole and using a sad story like this as an example only exasperates people.

Bullying can only be ended by the kid being bullied... or another peer protecting the kid being bullied.

The only thing bullies understand is pain.

[Mixability]

Seriously man. The best strategy is to keep an eye out for the ugly ducklings because the girls who had to develop personalities/work ethic first because of their goofiness will round out to be the total package once they hit jr-sr year.

I've seriously thought about making a handbook for jr. :rollin

Yup, it's always the quiet ones!

[lebomb]

I moved from Hampton Va, to San Antonio when I was in the 7th grade..............first day of school, two kids were bullying and picking on me................I dropped my books, punched one of those fuckers in the mouth, and the next day everyone was my friend. Sometimes a kid needs to go that extra mile to gain some respect. Not that I condone fighting............Im just sayin.

[ploto]

While this story is very sad, how do we know that the bullying is why he killed himself. His parents are looking for a reason or an explanation, but we do not really know that this is it.

[Mixability]

Sometimes a kid needs to go that extra mile to gain some respect. Not that I condone fighting............Im just sayin.

Fuck being politically correct nowadays. I don't condone violence, but sometimes words and talking it out don't work.

For instance, my wife and I took my son (4) to a local public park last weekend. There were these kids, I think brother and sister just sitting on the double slides. My son wanted to go on them. He tried the "excuse me" approach and nothing. I went over there and said out loud to him, "just ask them to move so you can have fun too". He responded, "but they're being ugly". To which the older boy(8 or 9) on the slide responded to him, without noticing me behind him, "you're ugly". And my proudest moment as a father came soon after when my son said back, "Your Mom's ugly!". I busted out laughing, and the 2 kids slid down and never came back to that side of the playground.

[BacktoBasics]

fuck being politically correct nowadays. I don't condone violence, but sometimes words and talking it out don't work.

For instance, my wife and i took my son (4) to a local public park last weekend. There were these kids, i think brother and sister just sitting on the double slides. My son wanted to go on them. He tried the "excuse me" approach and nothing. I went over there and said out loud to him, "just ask them to move so you can have fun too". He responded, "but they're being ugly". To which the older boy(8 or 9) on the slide responded to him, without noticing me behind him, "you're ugly". And my proudest moment as a father came soon after when my son said back, "your mom's ugly!". I busted out laughing, and the 2 kids slid down and never came back to that side of the playground.awesome!

[Strike]

Fuck being politically correct nowadays. I don't condone violence, but sometimes words and talking it out don't work.

For instance, my wife and I took my son (4) to a local public park last weekend. There were these kids, I think brother and sister just sitting on the double slides. My son wanted to go on them. He tried the "excuse me" approach and nothing. I went over there and said out loud to him, "just ask them to move so you can have fun too". He responded, "but they're being ugly". To which the older boy(8 or 9) on the slide responded to him, without noticing me behind him, "you're ugly". And my proudest moment as a father came soon after when my son said back, "Your Mom's ugly!". I busted out laughing, and the 2 kids slid down and never came back to that side of the playground.

That's the greatest thing I've read on SpursTalk all day.

Post Of The Day nominee.

[BlackSwordsMan]

:lol:lol:lol:rollin:rollin:rollin

[Mixability]

awesome!

Yeah, it was pissing me off that kids can be brought up to be soooo fucking rude these days. I wasn't asking for the playground to be completely empty for him, it is a public park. But at least have the decency to let people use the slide for sliding. If you want to sit, use a fucking bench. And their parent's, I notice later, were only a few feet away bbqing. Did they come over and tell their kids to let the other kids play, nope.

We're the kinda parents that if my kid is using one of the demo kiosks of the consoles at Gamestop, we'll understand when he's had his share and let someone else use it. Parents these days use shit like that as babysitters. And in addition, raise their kids with this kinda fucked up sense of entitlement.

[Mixability]

That's the greatest thing I've read on SpursTalk all day.

Post Of The Day nominee.

My wife wasn't all too happy with it, but I explained to her that he needs to speak up like that sometimes or else he's gonna get walked all over now and later in life. My boy isn't gonna be raised a punk. He won't go after a kid unless he's attacked first. He understands that he's supposed to use the following order.

1. Say, "Leave me alone."
2. Say, "Leave me alone or I'm gonna tell on you."
3. Say, "Stop already!"
4. Say, "Need a bandaid?"

[Strike]

My wife wasn't all too happy with it, but I explained to her that he needs to speak up like that sometimes or else he's gonna get walked all over now and later in life. My boy isn't gonna be raised a punk. He won't go after a kid unless he's attacked first. He understands that he's supposed to use the following order.

1. Say, "Leave me alone."
2. Say, "Leave me alone or I'm gonna tell on you."
3. Say, "Stop already!"
4. Say, "Need a bandaid?"

If she wants your kid to grow up to be a doormat, that's her business. You did the right thing.

[Dark Gable]

Breaking out a can of whoop ass always works.

[BacktoBasics]

Yeah, it was pissing me off that kids can be brought up to be soooo fucking rude these days. I wasn't asking for the playground to be completely empty for him, it is a public park. But at least have the decency to let people use the slide for sliding. If you want to sit, use a fucking bench. And their parent's, I notice later, were only a few feet away bbqing. Did they come over and tell their kids to let the other kids play, nope.

We're the kinda parents that if my kid is using one of the demo kiosks of the consoles at Gamestop, we'll understand when he's had his share and let someone else use it. Parents these days use shit like that as babysitters. And in addition, raise their kids with this kinda fucked up sense of entitlement.
:toast I don't know how many times I've had the "no one owes you shit" conversation.

It wasn't until my late 20's before I realized how little you can expect from people. It was sobering to say the least.

[Strike]

:toast I don't know how many times I've had the "no one owes you shit" conversation.

It wasn't until my late 20's before I realized how little you can expect from people. It was sobering to say the least.

The parents that give their kids the sense of entitlement are setting them up for failure. You are entitled to what you earn. No more, no less.

[Kriz-Maxima]

Something like that happened to my 2 year nephew a couple weeks ago. You know those little playgrounds in fast food joints? Well he was playing there and there were some other kids, as he was climbing a stair a 5 year old kid wanted to get ahead of him and started pulling him by his feet. When me nephew went to the ground he stoop up and proceeded to punch the boy who left crying towards his parents. They looked as if they were ready to jump on the kid, until they saw how small my nephew was and chose to leave. While I don't condone violence I have to admit that it helped me feel at ease knowing that my nephew wouldn't let kids behave like that towards him, he is about to start school, so I feel better about it.

[CuckingFunt]

It's not just bullying like it was in the past, though. With the internet, a lot of that abuse continues even after the kids have left school. It can be a never-ending barrage of insults and misconceptions, and with networking sites it reaches even farther. Kids that aren't even in your school can know about it.

See also (http://www.spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=123910). It's not just kids.

As much as I love the interwebs, and as much time as I spend on a site like this, I really do think that the prevalence of this social networking thing has had a very detrimental effect on the way people interact in general. We have all, and this is especially true of kids young enough to have had this be a regular/automatic part of life, become so accustomed to modes of detached communication that there is almost no consideration of other people's feelings anymore. In addition to drastically altering the nature of the comments made and increasing their cruelty, it's likely also increased the number of actual bullies by providing a voice to people who would otherwise hold their tongues out of a sense of politeness.

The odd combination of anonymity and public display provided by the internet has created a crazy environment in which we see making fun of people as not only a right, but almost a duty. Everything can be explained away by the lack of human contact in the exchange, as well. If someone posts pictures for friends and family, then, hey, they were just asking for it. If someone is personally offended or hurt by comments made online, they're further ridiculed for not being able to take a joke.

[CuckingFunt]

I got bullied when I was a kid... until I stopped it...

It's just the way that all mammals establish pecking order...

You aren't ever going to stop the behavior as a whole and using a sad story like this as an example only exasperates people.

Bullying can only be ended by the kid being bullied... or another peer protecting the kid being bullied.

The only thing bullies understand is pain.

Actually, this particular type of bullying can be drastically reduced if we, as a society, stop teaching a concept of masculinity that encourages violence and rigid adherence to established rules and gender roles. Little boys who don't fit those roles become easy targets of other little boys feeling a need to be tough in order to prove that they do fit them.

[CuckingFunt]

And in addition, raise their kids with this kinda fucked up sense of entitlement.


:toast I don't know how many times I've had the "no one owes you shit" conversation.

It wasn't until my late 20's before I realized how little you can expect from people. It was sobering to say the least.


The parents that give their kids the sense of entitlement are setting them up for failure. You are entitled to what you earn. No more, no less.

There are few phrases in the English language that I've come to hate quite as much as "I deserve..."

[desflood]

Fuck being politically correct nowadays. I don't condone violence, but sometimes words and talking it out don't work.

For instance, my wife and I took my son (4) to a local public park last weekend. There were these kids, I think brother and sister just sitting on the double slides. My son wanted to go on them. He tried the "excuse me" approach and nothing. I went over there and said out loud to him, "just ask them to move so you can have fun too". He responded, "but they're being ugly". To which the older boy(8 or 9) on the slide responded to him, without noticing me behind him, "you're ugly". And my proudest moment as a father came soon after when my son said back, "Your Mom's ugly!". I busted out laughing, and the 2 kids slid down and never came back to that side of the playground.
:lol That's an excellent story. We had something similar with our younger son last year. Every damn day the boy (then 5) would come home and tell us, "Toby threw sand in my face" or "Toby hit me" or "Toby stepped on my hand and hurt my fingers". We spoke to the teacher twice; she never saw anything (apparently, Toby is a sneaky little bastard). One day a couple of months after it began we got a note home in the kid's folder: "(Your son) punched Toby in the face today." We told him that while normally hitting people is wrong, we were proud of him for standing up for himself.

[SpursWoman]

See also (http://www.spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=123910). It's not just kids.

As much as I love the interwebs, and as much time as I spend on a site like this, I really do think that the prevalence of this social networking thing has had a very detrimental effect on the way people interact in general. We have all, and this is especially true of kids young enough to have had this be a regular/automatic part of life, become so accustomed to modes of detached communication that there is almost no consideration of other people's feelings anymore. In addition to drastically altering the nature of the comments made and increasing their cruelty, it's likely also increased the number of actual bullies by providing a voice to people who would otherwise hold their tongues out of a sense of politeness.

The odd combination of anonymity and public display provided by the internet has created a crazy environment in which we see making fun of people as not only a right, but almost a duty. Everything can be explained away by the lack of human contact in the exchange, as well. If someone posts pictures for friends and family, then, hey, they were just asking for it. If someone is personally offended or hurt by comments made online, they're further ridiculed for not being able to take a joke.


:tu :tu

[Trainwreck2100]

he had the balls to kill hisself but not the balls to stand up for hisself?

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

See also (http://www.spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=123910). It's not just kids.

As much as I love the interwebs, and as much time as I spend on a site like this, I really do think that the prevalence of this social networking thing has had a very detrimental effect on the way people interact in general. We have all, and this is especially true of kids young enough to have had this be a regular/automatic part of life, become so accustomed to modes of detached communication that there is almost no consideration of other people's feelings anymore. In addition to drastically altering the nature of the comments made and increasing their cruelty, it's likely also increased the number of actual bullies by providing a voice to people who would otherwise hold their tongues out of a sense of politeness.

The odd combination of anonymity and public display provided by the internet has created a crazy environment in which we see making fun of people as not only a right, but almost a duty. Everything can be explained away by the lack of human contact in the exchange, as well. If someone posts pictures for friends and family, then, hey, they were just asking for it. If someone is personally offended or hurt by comments made online, they're further ridiculed for not being able to take a joke.

Nice post.

[MiamiHeat]

And I still say you should need a license to be a parent.

You need one to drive.

You need on to fish.

But not to raise a child?

i agree.

[Bender]

so babies are government property, unless the parents have a license?

[Sec24Row7]

Actually, this particular type of bullying can be drastically reduced if we, as a society, stop teaching a concept of masculinity that encourages violence and rigid adherence to established rules and gender roles. Little boys who don't fit those roles become easy targets of other little boys feeling a need to be tough in order to prove that they do fit them.

Ummm... yeah... You go right ahead and explain to 11 year olds that they are to act like intelligent civilized human beings.

If you think that is possible, most of them are already smarter than you.

[Leetonidas]

See also (http://www.spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=123910). It's not just kids.

As much as I love the interwebs, and as much time as I spend on a site like this, I really do think that the prevalence of this social networking thing has had a very detrimental effect on the way people interact in general. We have all, and this is especially true of kids young enough to have had this be a regular/automatic part of life, become so accustomed to modes of detached communication that there is almost no consideration of other people's feelings anymore. In addition to drastically altering the nature of the comments made and increasing their cruelty, it's likely also increased the number of actual bullies by providing a voice to people who would otherwise hold their tongues out of a sense of politeness.

The odd combination of anonymity and public display provided by the internet has created a crazy environment in which we see making fun of people as not only a right, but almost a duty. Everything can be explained away by the lack of human contact in the exchange, as well. If someone posts pictures for friends and family, then, hey, they were just asking for it. If someone is personally offended or hurt by comments made online, they're further ridiculed for not being able to take a joke.

I agree with that CF.

MySpace started all of this bullshit, and it's fucking turned most kids into a bunch of little pussies who act all hard on their pages and talk shit to each other...it's pretty depressing when you think about how much time is wasted on these fucking social networking sites. Now that I'm not in high school and I can look back on the MySpace era, I'm really glad I never got too into it. After high school, no one really gets on or gives a fuck anyway. It's pretty much become a way for kids to just vent and whine about all their little problems through blogs or bulletins or whatever. And it doesn't mean shit anyway because most people don't look, don't care, or just think "what a fag."

I read this story this morning, and damn. It really had me thinking all day. That poor kid, he never got a chance to live. But at the same time, kids are going to be kids. There's not much that can be done about the way children act, especially towards each other. The schools just need to keep a better eye on all this. You would be surprised just how much no one ever gave a shit about anyone getting ragged on at Warren.

[smeagol]

he had the balls to kill hisself but not the balls to stand up for hisself?

That comment applies to all people who commit suicide.

[SpursWoman]

I agree with that CF.

MySpace started all of this bullshit, and it's fucking turned most kids into a bunch of little pussies who act all hard on their pages and talk shit to each other...

So, they have girls that post pictures in their bras and maybe a few aspiring models that should probably choose another career path that post on there, too?

There sure is a lot of fucking irony in this thread.

[BacktoBasics]

I need ST. I need peer approval. I have to vent here or my day is ruined. Sometimes I act tough and smart on these boards but deep down inside its my way of covering up a serious addiction to booze, pot and sex with strange women. Or maybe its my safe way to tell all you people how much I really hate you. All of you...except two or three of you. There are days where I've thought about putting on a Jackie Chan mask and mowing down the local flea market.

[SpursWoman]

We know, B2B. :makeout

[mrsmaalox]

So, they have girls that post pictures in their bras and maybe a few aspiring models that should probably choose another career path that post on there, too?

There sure is a lot of fucking irony in this thread.

That's for sure. The only thing in this thread that has surprised me at all are some of the comments made by some of the "personas". A little bit of introspection goes a long way folks.

[CuckingFunt]

Ummm... yeah... You go right ahead and explain to 11 year olds that they are to act like intelligent civilized human beings.

If you think that is possible, most of them are already smarter than you.

So, then, we're supposed to allow this behavior to continue and these attitudes to be encouraged because it is somehow impossible to have an impact on children? They're growing up in the world we're creating. This looks like a kid issue because of the ages involved in the story, but it's not.

There is a tremendously complex system of advantage and disadvantage in place that is entirely dependent on how well we all "fit in" to certain societal expectations. Those who don't fit in are marginalized for it. Those who don't point out that others don't fit in are equally marginalized. How many times in these forums alone have you seen one of the male posters express an opinion that is a bit different from the norm and spend the rest of the thread being called a "pussy" or a "fag"? In the real world, those messages are magnified. As things currently exist, being called either of those names or having one's masculinity challenged in any way can have very real and violent consequences, whether or not those accusations are true. The only reason any of that is important to kids is because it's important to us. I'm not talking about some magical hypothetical situation in which we keep everything else the same but tell kids to stop behaving in certain ways. I don't think that would be effective. I'm talking about completely redefining things in such a way that we, as adults, provide a new example to follow. They're kids. They learn from us. Cases like this aren't caused by kids being inherently cruel or hard to control. They're caused by the fact that we, collectively, are teaching some seriously fucked up lessons.

[Strike]

So, then, we're supposed to allow this behavior to continue and these attitudes to be encouraged because it is somehow impossible to have an impact on children? They're growing up in the world we're creating. This looks like a kid issue because of the ages involved in the story, but it's not.

There is a tremendously complex system of advantage and disadvantage in place that is entirely dependent on how well we all "fit in" to certain societal expectations. Those who don't fit in are marginalized for it. Those who don't point out that others don't fit in are equally marginalized. How many times in these forums alone have you seen one of the male posters express an opinion that is a bit different from the norm and spend the rest of the thread being called a "pussy" or a "fag"? In the real world, those messages are magnified. As things currently exist, being called either of those names or having one's masculinity challenged in any way can have very real and violent consequences, whether or not those accusations are true. The only reason any of that is important to kids is because it's important to us. I'm not talking about some magical hypothetical situation in which we keep everything else the same but tell kids to stop behaving in certain ways. I don't think that would be effective. I'm talking about completely redefining things in such a way that we, as adults, provide a new example to follow. They're kids. They learn from us. Cases like this aren't caused by kids being inherently cruel or hard to control. They're caused by the fact that we, collectively, are teaching some seriously fucked up lessons.

+1.

The points you made are some of the many reasons why I neither have, nor want children. As fucked up as I am, I'd have a hard time teaching my offspring how to be decent, functional, contributing members of society.

[desflood]

Ummm... yeah... You go right ahead and explain to 11 year olds that they are to act like intelligent civilized human beings.

If you think that is possible, most of them are already smarter than you.
There's no reason an 11-year-old cannot be an intelligent, civilized human being.

[J.T.]

Bullying ends rather quickly in the Always A Bigger Fish model. If your kid is getting bullied, the proper thing to do is purchase a realistic looking costume of a demon or the grim reaper, wait at the bully's bus stop, and then say something like "if you don't want me to eat your soul, never steal Timmy's lunch money again".

Or if you have older children, just make sure big brother keeps his pimp hand strong and then send him in for backup. It's fun going in to rescue little bro because the kids beating his ass were all tough and then scattered when I knocked that skinny Puerto Rican doosh off his bike and took back my brother's $5 plus the $20 that was in the other kids wallet. 1997 was a good year.

[mrsmaalox]

Bullying ends rather quickly in the Always A Bigger Fish model. If your kid is getting bullied, the proper thing to do is purchase a realistic looking costume of a demon or the grim reaper, wait at the bully's bus stop, and then say something like "if you don't want me to eat your soul, never steal Timmy's lunch money again".

Or if you have older children, just make sure big brother keeps his pimp hand strong and then send him in for backup. It's fun going in to rescue little bro because the kids beating his ass were all tough and then scattered when I knocked that skinny Puerto Rican doosh off his bike and took back my brother's $5 plus the $20 that was in the other kids wallet. 1997 was a good year.

It does work! My 11 yr old wasn't being bullied, but he was tired of one kid on the bus always sticking out his foot and tripping him and his friend. That little problem was resolved after 2 days of my 15 yr old, 6'3" son walking his little brother to the bus stop. Not a single word had to be spoken :lol

[J.T.]

It does work! My 11 yr old wasn't being bullied, but he was tired of one kid on the bus always sticking out his foot and tripping him and his friend. That little problem was resolved after 2 days of my 15 yr old, 6'3" son walking his little brother to the bus stop. Not a single word had to be spoken :lol

Yeah usually after big brother intervention, bully starts having mom drive him to school, which is a great opportunity for "who's the bitch now?" putdowns.

[antimvp]

dude, was obviously molested by a same sex person/relative. Couldn't take that, on top of the bullying.

[E20]

One time when I was in the sixth grade, some people were just making fun of me and giving me a rough time and I don't know how but my older brother found out and he was in high school at that time. He ditched school and walked down to my school and found out who the kids were and threatened to beat the fuck out of them if they did it again. Next thing you know the people making fun of me were my most trusted allies after that incident. lol Backup bitches, it's where it's at.

[Cry Havoc]

Some good posts to this thread. I especially like and agree with your views here, Cucking.

Glad to see I've stimulated this discussion. I am going to do everything I can to ensure that when I have kids, treating others decently will be right at the top of their list of priorities. And it starts from day one.

[DarkReign]

I grew up with two older brothers, I had one bully (i guess) when I was in 1st grade. He was in 5th.

Problem for him was my brother was in 6th. I told my brother about it so when the "bully" came up to me in recess in the Lower El playground (remember that?), my brother wasnt far.

Beat the ever loving shit out of him and made him apologize to me on his hands and knees.

Best day of my life. Needless to say, I never had another problem the rest of my life. My brother did though. My oldest brother. I just found that out a couple years ago. The shit he used to get put through...

I swore that if I seen the guys that used to pick on him today, I'd knock them the fuck out and explain to them why Im doing it. Kids shouldnt be put through what he went through. Honestly, I was surprised my brother tolerated it.

Some people are just afraid to get beat up. The reason theyre afraid is because its never happened to them before. They think losing a fight is some big deal or that "it really hurts".

Newsflash for those who have never had their asses kicked: It isnt all that big of a deal. Oddly, it doesnt even hurt while its happening. Its afterword where the pain really starts and even that pain isnt that bad (unless you break something).

Ive gotten my ass kicked by multiple people (got jumped) and I have lost straight up, one-on-one fights in a bad way.

But it is FAR better to take your best shot then to let someone degrade you. Hell, it may not even end after you get your ass kicked, they may even continue fucking with you, but that chance should not preclude you from standing up for yourself and your dignity.

This is going to come off as cocky when its not meant to be (queue the HornTooter), but I was the kid in school who got along with everyone. Mostly hung out with the burnouts, but dated mostly cheerleaders. Bullying didnt happen around me. Ever. I dont stand for that shit. If you two want to throw down, throw down and get it done with. But knocking books out people's hands and generally being a douchebag is good cause for me and my friends to lock you in a locker in front of your girlfriend.

Lesson: Dont fuck with people unless you want to get fucked with.

[Drachen]

he had the balls to kill hisself but not the balls to stand up for hisself?

Well with one option, he only has one person to worry about, with the other he has to worry about everyone he knows. It is easier to stand up to a singular person (you), than it is to take on your entire world. I think suicide is stupid, just like the next person, but I think that at his age, damn he probably doesn't even fully comprehend what suicide is. He just knows that the pain will stop.

[Jimcs50]

Being a parent is hard. Being a parent of a child who dies is the worst thing I can imagine. My heart goes out to this family.