Well, my oldest has a boyfriend...

[JoeChalupa]

She's turning 15 this month and yesterday we went to Fiesta Texas and he came along. Their "friendship" which I had heard about for weeks turned into something more about a month ago as she finally told us, which we already knew, that they were more than friends and that she really like him. Of course she had a mother-daughter talk and I had to hear it from my wife which is cool but something I just simply was not/am not ready for.
I officially met the young man about 2 months ago and I gave him my "don't mess with my daughter" look and firm hand-shake and sized him up while I asked him a few questions to try to trip him up.
First thing I liked was that he was not wearing saggy pants and addressed the wife and I as Sir and Maam and while trivial means a lot to me. Over all the meeting went well.
So we met his parents a few weeks ago and yesterday we picked him and off we went to Fiesta Texas.
It was all good until, and I knew it was going to happen, I saw them holding hands and walking arm-in-arm together that it hit me like a ton of bricks. My oldest has turned a major page in her life and my little girl now has her attention locked on another male and it hurt.
I gave them their space but did not allow them to wander off by themselves and I did have to tell the wife to tell her to cool a bit when I felt there was a little too much touchy feeling going on for my liking and if she didn't I would and I won't be PC about it.
The worse part is that I know the first one's don't stick and that she is going to get hurt and our first loves are hard and that is why they call it heartbreak.
After we got home last night we had a father-daughter talk and I was blunt and to the point and we laughed and cried together and in the end she knew that I was behind her 100% and will be there when she needs me and that I also will not stop being a father to appease him or her friends. She knows that. We also had the Rhianna/Chris Brown talk and that NO MAN has the right to abuse her physically, mentally or verbally.
Parenting is indeed the toughest job in the world but it is a job that I relish and would not trade it for anything else in the world.

[Dex]

http://img.alibaba.com/photo/11524341/CB24_7_Chastity_Belt.jpg

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

cM42nG7Tjgs

[JoeChalupa]

:lmao

[AlamoSpursFan]

If you want, Joe, I can bring some guns over and we can do the Bad Boys freakout on the little weasel.

:lol

I'm not letting Little ASF out of the house until she's 35. She might meet someone like I was back then.

[Slydragon]

http://img.alibaba.com/photo/11524341/CB24_7_Chastity_Belt.jpg

:tu:tu:tu:tu:tu

[mrsmaalox]

My daughter turned 13 last week; this is some scary shit!

[Dr. Gonzo]

Getting the parents to like you by calling them sir and ma'am is the easiest way into a girls pants.

Next time he comes over to your house, sit at the table and clean your gun. Don't get your guard down because he's polite.

[BacktoBasics]

When you see this

http://i385.photobucket.com/albums/oo292/Daverat1966/DOUCHE%20BAGS/guido.jpg

http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb211/mikeyach123/Weapons/1211.png

+

http://i729.photobucket.com/albums/ww292/kgreenhs/shortershovel.jpg

=

http://i282.photobucket.com/albums/kk243/supro66/death/grave.jpg

[phyzik]

http://img.alibaba.com/photo/11524341/CB24_7_Chastity_Belt.jpg

probably too late for that.

[I Love Me Some Me]

One of the things I'll tell my daughter's first BF is that he better respect her enough to keep his grubby, horny little hands off of her...especially in public.

[CosmicCowboy]

I remember the first one. Actually he's pretty hard to forget. I keep seeing his fucking picture on the milk cartons at HEB.

[MiamiHeat]

The worse part is that I know the first one's don't stick and that she is going to get hurt and our first loves are hard and that is why they call it heartbreak.


Sometimes they do.

[Cry Havoc]

Joe, it sounds like you handled it extremely well, like a caring father who's allowing his daughter to live her life, but is watching out for her best interests at the same time.

Far be it of me to tell you how to do your job, but keep in mind that her friends are likely of the same age and relative maturity level that she is. You are nearly her sole source of what constitutes a man, and unless she gets lucky, she's probably going to be dating boys pretending to be men for years. Now more than ever, she will probably be watching you and your wife for a model of interaction. She's going to learn a lot about how a guy treats his significant other by how you two interact.

No pressure. ;)

[Cry Havoc]

Joe, it sounds like you handled it extremely well, like a caring father who's allowing his daughter to live her life, but is watching out for her best interests at the same time.

Far be it of me to tell you how to do your job, but keep in mind that her friends are likely of the same age and relative maturity level that she is. You are nearly her sole source of what constitutes a man, and unless she gets lucky, she's probably going to be dating boys pretending to be men for years. Now more than ever, she will probably be watching you and your wife for a model of interaction. She's going to learn a lot about how a guy treats his significant other by how you two interact.

No pressure. ;)

[JoeChalupa]

Getting the parents to like you by calling them sir and ma'am is the easiest way into a girls pants.

Next time he comes over to your house, sit at the table and clean your gun. Don't get your guard down because he's polite.

Well, awhile back I busted my daughter. She was supposed to be at a friends house in the neighborhood and I had to run an errand and for some reason I took a different street since my sister in law moved in just a few blocks away and I wanted to swing by just to see how the house looked and my youngest said "why are we going this way?" and it was just one of those impulsive things well low and behold and I turn to head towards our house I see my oldest leaning against a privacy fence talking to this guy and and when she saw me and our eyes connected the look on her face said it all. She was stone cold busted.
I told her to get home and she made the mistake of asking "why?" so I said it again..."get home now!" which she again proceeded to try to explain and which made it strike three so I got out and told her to get in the car now, which she did, and we went home.
Needless to say the conversation that ensued was not a pleasant one, for her that is, as I questioned why said she was going to a friends house when she had planned all along to meet this boy, which of course she denied and said she just happened to be coming home when she ran into him.
Yeah, I was born yesterday I told her I knew she planned on meeting him and if there is one thing they know I will not tolerate is lying. So she finally confessed and I had to explain to her that I've been there, done that and things I don't want to talk about. I did over react though because the first thing I did was to tell her to give that boy on the phone, which freaked her out, and I told him to stay the hell away from my daughter which he said "yes sir" and I again went over how I have no problem embarrassing her in front of anyone if she does wrong.
Later after we had a long talk and the wife and I had a long talk I told my daughter to ask him to come over and I told him that when it comes to my daughters I will not hold back and will do what ever it takes to keep them safe.
But knowing how I thought I was King when I was young and how boys want to "score" and reading all the posts in here from guys who say they lost their virginity at 13,14, or 15 scares the hell out of me.
I've watched these shows where girls her age talk about hooking up and how oral sex is no big deal and guys ranking girls by what they'll do and..... :bang :bang .
And to think that I'll have to go through this again with my 9 yr old? :wow

[JoeChalupa]

Sometimes they do.

True, but I didn't find my true love until I was 34 yrs and I've had my heart broken several times.
I don't know anyone who is with their FIRST love but then again one could say that I was in love before but it wasn't my TRUE love like me.

[JoeChalupa]

Joe, it sounds like you handled it extremely well, like a caring father who's allowing his daughter to live her life, but is watching out for her best interests at the same time.

Far be it of me to tell you how to do your job, but keep in mind that her friends are likely of the same age and relative maturity level that she is. You are nearly her sole source of what constitutes a man, and unless she gets lucky, she's probably going to be dating boys pretending to be men for years. Now more than ever, she will probably be watching you and your wife for a model of interaction. She's going to learn a lot about how a guy treats his significant other by how you two interact.

No pressure. ;)

Thanks for the insight. :tu

[BacktoBasics]

I married my first. I met her when she was 15. Her dad hated me and kept telling her the proverbial "he's just a bump in the road, move along, stop being so stuck up on one dude". I spent my teens balls deep in her vagina right under dads nose. As it turns out I married her when I was 20. Worst relationship ever. I should have taken dads advice. That bitch destroyed my 20's and nearly ruined my attraction to women. There are still scars.

The key will be to keep her from putting too much value on the opposite sex. If it ends up being everything to her it'll get ugly. You'll lose.

[Cry Havoc]

But knowing how I thought I was King when I was young and how boys want to "score" and reading all the posts in here from guys who say they lost their virginity at 13,14, or 15 scares the hell out of me.
I've watched these shows where girls her age talk about hooking up and how oral sex is no big deal and guys ranking girls by what they'll do and..... :bang :bang .
And to think that I'll have to go through this again with my 9 yr old? :wow

You've got a PM.

[JoeChalupa]

When you see this

http://i385.photobucket.com/albums/oo292/Daverat1966/DOUCHE%20BAGS/guido.jpg

http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb211/mikeyach123/Weapons/1211.png

+

http://i729.photobucket.com/albums/ww292/kgreenhs/shortershovel.jpg

=

http://i282.photobucket.com/albums/kk243/supro66/death/grave.jpg

:lol Damn right.

[Dr. Gonzo]

Well, awhile back I busted my daughter. She was supposed to be at a friends house in the neighborhood and I had to run an errand and for some reason I took a different street since my sister in law moved in just a few blocks away and I wanted to swing by just to see how the house looked and my youngest said "why are we going this way?" and it was just one of those impulsive things well low and behold and I turn to head towards our house I see my oldest leaning against a privacy fence talking to this guy and and when she saw me and our eyes connected the look on her face said it all. She was stone cold busted.
I told her to get home and she made the mistake of asking "why?" so I said it again..."get home now!" which she again proceeded to try to explain and which made it strike three so I got out and told her to get in the car now, which she did, and we went home.
Needless to say the conversation that ensued was not a pleasant one, for her that is, as I questioned why said she was going to a friends house when she had planned all along to meet this boy, which of course she denied and said she just happened to be coming home when she ran into him.
Yeah, I was born yesterday I told her I knew she planned on meeting him and if there is one thing they know I will not tolerate is lying. So she finally confessed and I had to explain to her that I've been there, done that and things I don't want to talk about. I did over react though because the first thing I did was to tell her to give that boy on the phone, which freaked her out, and I told him to stay the hell away from my daughter which he said "yes sir" and I again went over how I have no problem embarrassing her in front of anyone if she does wrong.
Later after we had a long talk and the wife and I had a long talk I told my daughter to ask him to come over and I told him that when it comes to my daughters I will not hold back and will do what ever it takes to keep them safe.
But knowing how I thought I was King when I was young and how boys want to "score" and reading all the posts in here from guys who say they lost their virginity at 13,14, or 15 scares the hell out of me.
I've watched these shows where girls her age talk about hooking up and how oral sex is no big deal and guys ranking girls by what they'll do and..... :bang :bang .
And to think that I'll have to go through this again with my 9 yr old? :wow

You just talked me out of having kids.

[JoeChalupa]

For the record, I'm think I'm a not-entirely-ugly looking fellow, and yet I was almost 26 by personal choice. We're not all jerks looking to get laid at every opportunity. :king

Yeah, I'm no "Brad Pitt", :flipoff MiamiHeat, but when I was young I had no intention of settling down so I wasn't looking for a "relationship" so when I met my future wife I knew I was ready and that she was the one.
Still going strong.

[JoeChalupa]

You just talked me out of having kids.

Kids are great!! There is nothing in the world that compares to the birth of your child. Not even close.

[BacktoBasics]

Kids are great!! There is nothing in the world that compares to the birth of your child. Not even close.
I'm pretty sure the day they move out would run a close second.

[JoeChalupa]

I'm pretty sure the day they move out would run a close second.

That is what I thought until my parents told me the day I left for the Corps was one of their worst days.

[peewee's lovechild]

Joe, you're a good man.

I think you handled it as well as you could have.

I don't know why, but when I read your initial post, I felt a sense of panic. I've got a good 14-15 years before I go through this with my little one. But, I'm not sure if I'll handle it as well as you did. The whole hand holding/closeness thing would drive me fucking insane.

You did well, man.

[Leetonidas]

She's turning 15 this month and yesterday we went to Fiesta Texas and he came along. Their "friendship" which I had heard about for weeks turned into something more about a month ago as she finally told us, which we already knew, that they were more than friends and that she really like him. Of course she had a mother-daughter talk and I had to hear it from my wife which is cool but something I just simply was not/am not ready for.
I officially met the young man about 2 months ago and I gave him my "don't mess with my daughter" look and firm hand-shake and sized him up while I asked him a few questions to try to trip him up.
First thing I liked was that he was not wearing saggy pants and addressed the wife and I as Sir and Maam and while trivial means a lot to me. Over all the meeting went well.
So we met his parents a few weeks ago and yesterday we picked him and off we went to Fiesta Texas.
It was all good until, and I knew it was going to happen, I saw them holding hands and walking arm-in-arm together that it hit me like a ton of bricks. My oldest has turned a major page in her life and my little girl now has her attention locked on another male and it hurt.
I gave them their space but did not allow them to wander off by themselves and I did have to tell the wife to tell her to cool a bit when I felt there was a little too much touchy feeling going on for my liking and if she didn't I would and I won't be PC about it.
The worse part is that I know the first one's don't stick and that she is going to get hurt and our first loves are hard and that is why they call it heartbreak.
After we got home last night we had a father-daughter talk and I was blunt and to the point and we laughed and cried together and in the end she knew that I was behind her 100% and will be there when she needs me and that I also will not stop being a father to appease him or her friends. She knows that. We also had the Rhianna/Chris Brown talk and that NO MAN has the right to abuse her physically, mentally or verbally.
Parenting is indeed the toughest job in the world but it is a job that I relish and would not trade it for anything else in the world.

:tu

I'm glad to see you're giving the guy a chance and not just auto-hating him because he likes your daughter. Parents are usually extremely hard on their daughters' boyfriends, which I'm sure everyone can agree with, but like I said kudos on not just automatically disliking the poor kid. You're obviously a good father, Joe.

You should offer her boyfriend a doobie, see where it goes... :lmao

But always be diligent. Teenage boys, while capable of sincerely caring for and loving females, are horny little bastards.

[tp2021]

You just talked me out of having kids.

:lmao

[sonic21]

you handled it extremely well, you're lucky to have a daughter who's not hiding her boyfriend from you (most 15 years old girls usually do that).
I will marry my first gf next year. I met her when we were 16 and we knew her dad wouldn't handle it well, so we waited 4 years before telling him.

[angel_luv]

Joe,
Your daughter is blessed to have you for a dad. :)

[Rapper]

She's turning 15 this month and yesterday we went to Fiesta Texas and he came along. Their "friendship" which I had heard about for weeks turned into something more about a month ago as she finally told us, which we already knew, that they were more than friends and that she really like him. Of course she had a mother-daughter talk and I had to hear it from my wife which is cool but something I just simply was not/am not ready for.
I officially met the young man about 2 months ago and I gave him my "don't mess with my daughter" look and firm hand-shake and sized him up while I asked him a few questions to try to trip him up.
First thing I liked was that he was not wearing saggy pants and addressed the wife and I as Sir and Maam and while trivial means a lot to me. Over all the meeting went well.
So we met his parents a few weeks ago and yesterday we picked him and off we went to Fiesta Texas.
It was all good until, and I knew it was going to happen, I saw them holding hands and walking arm-in-arm together that it hit me like a ton of bricks. My oldest has turned a major page in her life and my little girl now has her attention locked on another male and it hurt.
I gave them their space but did not allow them to wander off by themselves and I did have to tell the wife to tell her to cool a bit when I felt there was a little too much touchy feeling going on for my liking and if she didn't I would and I won't be PC about it.
The worse part is that I know the first one's don't stick and that she is going to get hurt and our first loves are hard and that is why they call it heartbreak.
After we got home last night we had a father-daughter talk and I was blunt and to the point and we laughed and cried together and in the end she knew that I was behind her 100% and will be there when she needs me and that I also will not stop being a father to appease him or her friends. She knows that. We also had the Rhianna/Chris Brown talk and that NO MAN has the right to abuse her physically, mentally or verbally.
Parenting is indeed the toughest job in the world but it is a job that I relish and would not trade it for anything else in the world.

You are a great father , and dude you know what?

I would like to tell you one thing about Chinese stuff

Old chinese people always said that a daughter was actually her father's girl friend in their "previous life"

I don't know whether i say this word correct or not.

Well,it's about chinese religon and quite hard to explain it clearly

But anyway, you are a fantastic father though

[marini martini]

God, I'm glad those days are over for me. Don't be suprised if you start getting a strong craving for Gin.

They don't call me Marini Martini, for nothing!!!:toast

[JudynTX]

:tu It sounds like you handled it well, good luck.

[timvp]

Next time he comes over to your house, sit at the table and clean your gun.

Agree with this. One of my brothers experienced the "gun collection" trick and he doesn't even think about touching that girl. Also be sure to act a little bit crazy.

Good luck :tu

[MiamiHeat]

True, but I didn't find my true love until I was 34 yrs and I've had my heart broken several times.
I don't know anyone who is with their FIRST love but then again one could say that I was in love before but it wasn't my TRUE love like me.

I'm still with my first love. We were teenagers when we got together, so I was her first love and she was mine. I turn 26 soon, so that's about 6 and a half years together and we are still just as happy and silly as in the beginning.

So there is hope. Your daughter just has to make sure she understands that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES does she have to give up her body to please her boyfriend.

She has to be SURE this guy loves her. If he does, he doesn't mind waiting.

If she understands that and practices it, that should put your mind to rest lol

[ALVAREZ6]

this is why I hope for sons :lol

[Ballcox]

Tough situation, man. I think you handled it pretty well. My oldest is now 15 yrs. old and finishing up her first year of high school. The thing I try to remind myself of is that teenagers have secret lives that they don't tell parents about until about 10 years later when they've hit adulthood.

Of course, in my situation the real mind blower is that my daughter told me she likes girls instead of boys. So, overall I'm really happy. I haven't had to deal with the whole intimidate the boyfriend thing yet. But, I might have to intimidate the girlfriend instead? Life was not this complicated when I was in high school.:lol

[desflood]

this is why I hope for sons :lol
Yeah... then all you have to worry about is some girl coming to the door claiming your son knocked her up. What's the difference? :lol

[Bukefal]

http://img.alibaba.com/photo/11524341/CB24_7_Chastity_Belt.jpg

:lmao

[Bukefal]

this is why I hope for sons :lol

lol, me too :king

[ploto]

If you have a son, you only have to worry about one penis in the world; if you have a daughter, you have to worry about every penis in the world.

[CuckingFunt]

If you have a son, you only have to worry about one penis in the world; if you have a daughter, you have to worry about every penis in the world.

Assuming the son and daughter in question are straight.

[Heath Ledger]

I also referred to my 15 year old girlfriends mother and father as mam and sir as I was porking her in their own bedrooms, in the kitchen, in the jacuzzi and anywhere else I could get my rocks off.

It's all good though, you just have to accept that they can/are/will find a way to bump uglies under your nose, its a teenage right of passage.

[jack sommerset]

Depressing thread. My daughter is 6. I have no clue how I will handle it when she starts dating. I keep her busy with school,soccer,dancing and acting. My plan is to keep her busy until she moves out. No boys. Good luck Joe!

[JoeChalupa]

I'm still with my first love. We were teenagers when we got together, so I was her first love and she was mine. I turn 26 soon, so that's about 6 and a half years together and we are still just as happy and silly as in the beginning.

So there is hope. Your daughter just has to make sure she understands that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES does she have to give up her body to please her boyfriend.

She has to be SURE this guy loves her. If he does, he doesn't mind waiting.

If she understands that and practices it, that should put your mind to rest lol

Best wishes and glad to hear the flame is still burning which is the key. I know I wasn't ready and since I was a late bloomer I was still learning.

[JoeChalupa]

I also referred to my 15 year old girlfriends mother and father as mam and sir as I was porking her in their own bedrooms, in the kitchen, in the jacuzzi and anywhere else I could get my rocks off.

It's all good though, you just have to accept that they can/are/will find a way to bump uglies under your nose, its a teenage right of passage.

:bang :bang :lol :bang :cry

[JoeChalupa]

Tough situation, man. I think you handled it pretty well. My oldest is now 15 yrs. old and finishing up her first year of high school. The thing I try to remind myself of is that teenagers have secret lives that they don't tell parents about until about 10 years later when they've hit adulthood.

Of course, in my situation the real mind blower is that my daughter told me she likes girls instead of boys. So, overall I'm really happy. I haven't had to deal with the whole intimidate the boyfriend thing yet. But, I might have to intimidate the girlfriend instead? Life was not this complicated when I was in high school.:lol

There was a time when we thought she may be gay because she simply didn't show interest in boys and wasn't very girlish but that has changed over the past year or so. Didn't matter though and she knew it wouldn't.

[jcrod]

My oldest turns 12 on the 30th. I'm dreading the day she actually starts going out on dates, sure she's had boyfriends and they're going out.....but not anywhere outside of school.

She is so beautiful too....

[ploto]

You have to watch out for the girls nowdays, too! Gone are the notions that boys are the only horn dogs and girls are the innocent victims being pressured by boys to do things they do not want to do. Some of the girls are very aggressive.

[ALVAREZ6]

Yeah... then all you have to worry about is some girl coming to the door claiming your son knocked her up. What's the difference? :lol
not having to feel disturbed knowing my daughter is/may be getting pounded...

much less worrying with a son.

[LnGrrrR]

Congrats to you, your daughter, and your family Joe! I'm going to be a father in October... I might need help :D

[LnGrrrR]

One of the things I'll tell my daughter's first BF is that he better respect her enough to keep his grubby, horny little hands off of her...especially in public.

I don't know... I don't think 'hand-holding' is especially vile :D lol

[LnGrrrR]

Sometimes they do.

I was my wife's first steady boyfriend :D

[jack sommerset]

15 is to young for dating. I know my wife and I will disagree when the time comes but I will fight to keep my daughter from dating until she moves out.

[balli]

15 is to young for dating. I know my wife and I will disagree when the time comes but I will fight to keep my daughter from dating until she moves out.

You reproduced? Fuck.

[Kriz-Maxima]

15 is to young for dating. I know my wife and I will disagree when the time comes but I will fight to keep my daughter from dating until she moves out.

I don't think that's a healthy stance to take, that's the sort of thinking that makes kid run away when they are 16 and shit.

I like the way you acted Joe, you can have a certain trust and give the appearance of trust but at the same time be ever watchful. When dealing with the guy remember, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

[RichardSimmons]

not having to feel disturbed knowing my daughter is/may be getting pounded...

much less worrying with a son.

Would you worry if he was the one getting pounded?

[leemajors]

15 is to young for dating. I know my wife and I will disagree when the time comes but I will fight to keep my daughter from dating until she moves out.

i think you're inviting worse by trying to prevent it there. you may push her in the wrong direction, especially as a teenager.

[balli]

:td to putting one's own insecure fear of discomfort ahead of familial sanity and the basic notion that sexuality exists.

[Jekka]

i think you're inviting worse by trying to prevent it there. you may push her in the wrong direction, especially as a teenager.

Very true. I didn't date in high school because I knew my parents would make my life miserable at home if I did - my sister didn't care if they tried ... and lo, they did indeed make her life miserable. That worked a lot better than forbidding us from dating.

[JoeChalupa]

15 is to young for dating. I know my wife and I will disagree when the time comes but I will fight to keep my daughter from dating until she moves out.

That was my thinking as well. They haven't actually gone out on a date yet unless you consider yesterday a "date". She is not allowed to wear any make-up though until 16. Sounds kind of lame at this point but for one, she doesn't need it, and two I don't like it young girls. But that is just me.
The wife and I have had our discussions as I feel she tends to be too "liberal" and is more accepting of her dating this young man. I more of a I'll deal with it but I sure as hell am not going to encourage or make it easy. When he comes over to talk they must always be in view, they normally talk outside and they must be in full view at all times.
The worse part is the mental images that I must deal with.

But I was "going with" girls when I was a Freshman in HS. I wasn't getting laid though. :( What the hell am I saying!?!?

[Mugshot]

Joe, to see how I really feel about this thread....I'm gonna need to see a picture of your daughter.

[ALVAREZ6]

dude you might be controlling her too much...always have to be in view?? Come on dude...she's in high school.

[CuckingFunt]

You have to watch out for the girls nowdays, too! Gone are the notions that boys are the only horn dogs and girls are the innocent victims being pressured by boys to do things they do not want to do. Some of the girls are very aggressive.

I actually find that part comforting.

I don't have kids, but have sisters who are 11 and 14 years younger than me, so I definitely get the protective thing. I'd like to think that they're being smart enough to wait until they're ready, but if either of them is fooling around I would at least want it to be on their terms.

[JoeChalupa]

Very true. I didn't date in high school because I knew my parents would make my life miserable at home if I did - my sister didn't care if they tried ... and lo, they did indeed make her life miserable. That worked a lot better than forbidding us from dating.

The wife and I go round and round about that. I'm a lay down the law kind of thinking. I'm not one of these..."well, if they are going to have sex I'd rather they do it at home where I know they are safe, blah, blah, blah" kind of guys. Oh hell no. Yeah I've heard the, "well if you are too strict you'll push them to it" argument and I can understand that. I just roll that way.
I've already made the statement, "What are going to do next...give her condoms!?!?" and she told my I going overboard.
It will be an interesting road ahead with many bumps and turns and I'm sure I'll make some bad calls but I'm sticking to my plan and will have to deal with my wife's audible's as they come. We are more in agreement than not though so we'll see.
Thanks for all the responses and good luck to all parents out there.

[IronMexican]

dude you might be controlling her too much...always have to be in view?? Come on dude...she's in high school.

I think he's giving her too much room. I'd never let my daughter date as long as she was under my roof. I just don't trust guys, cause I know how we think.

[JoeChalupa]

dude you might be controlling her too much...always have to be in view?? Come on dude...she's in high school.

And she still lives under my roof and has to abide by our rules. Like I said, I'll do what ever I can that is in my control and if they are at our house they are under my rules.
So what is next...she's having sex?..come on dude..she's in high school...everyone is doing it.
NOT!!!

[JoeChalupa]

I think he's giving her too much room. I'd never let my daughter date as long as she was under my roof. I just don't trust guys, cause I know how we think.

I don't necessarily disagree with you as I had told her she had to be 16 before she could date but, to appease myself, I don't consider it dating...yet.
But I never really expected to have her not date until she turned 18 which is what I said years ago.
And yeah, I don't trust guys at all because I know how we think. It ain't easy..it ain't easy.

[JoeChalupa]

I actually find that part comforting.

I don't have kids, but have sisters who are 11 and 14 years younger than me, so I definitely get the protective thing. I'd like to think that they're being smart enough to wait until they're ready, but if either of them is fooling around I would at least want it to be on their terms.

What scares me is that the "terms" for girls seem to be reached at a younger and younger age.
She already knows a few girls who are pregnant.

[ploto]

my little girl now has her attention locked on another male and it hurt.


I find it intriguing that no one has commented on this. I am a woman with a son and despite the stereotypes, I have never felt that way. His interest is healthy and expected, and a sign he is growing up. Then again, I have never been one to get upset about the stages of development and separation. I figure if he can be confident doing them, then I have done a good job.

[Jekka]

The wife and I go round and round about that. I'm a lay down the law kind of thinking. I'm not one of these..."well, if they are going to have sex I'd rather they do it at home where I know they are safe, blah, blah, blah" kind of guys. Oh hell no. Yeah I've heard the, "well if you are too strict you'll push them to it" argument and I can understand that. I just roll that way.

Oh it was never a "lay down the law" kind of thing that made us miserable - it was the hassling. My first "boyfriend" in high school called me at home one time - this was freshman year - and immediately after hanging up my mother was in my room (she had probably been listening on the other line the whole time anyway):

"What's his name? What does he look like? What kind of grades does he have? Do you have classes with him? Was he at school today? Where does he live? What are his parents' names? What do his parents do for a living?!"

So, the natural logic was: if no one calls, then Mom doesn't have to ask me five fucking thousand questions. I'd rather just not mess with it. So, there are ways around just straight up rules. Although, if you appreciate your daughter actually talking to you about stuff, then I suggest not using the hassling method.

[JoeChalupa]

I find it intriguing that no one has commented on this. I am a woman with a son and despite the stereotypes, I have never felt that way. His interest is healthy and expected, and a sign he is growing up. Then again, I have never been one to get upset about the stages of development and separation. I figure if he can be confident doing them, then I have done a good job.

Good point but, speaking as one who was once a young man with raging hormones, my interest, while being healthy and respectful, never kept my sexual desires down. It IS part of growing up. Confidence also comes from getting laid. :wow
But it sounds like you've done a good job.

[JoeChalupa]

Oh it was never a "lay down the law" kind of thing that made us miserable - it was the hassling. My first "boyfriend" in high school called me at home one time - this was freshman year - and immediately after hanging up my mother was in my room (she had probably been listening on the other line the whole time anyway):

"What's his name? What does he look like? What kind of grades does he have? Do you have classes with him? Was he at school today? Where does he live? What are his parents' names? What do his parents do for a living?!"

So, the natural logic was: if no one calls, then Mom doesn't have to ask me five fucking thousand questions. I'd rather just not mess with it. So, there are ways around just straight up rules. Although, if you appreciate your daughter actually talking to you about stuff, then I suggest not using the hassling method.

I don't consider parenting as "hassling" but I understand what you mean. I haven't done the thousand questions thing because she's already told me how they met, what he want to study for in college, what sports he plays, what church he goes to. Which I do feel are legitimate questions for a parent to ask and I told her quite awhile back that I needed to know any boys name, address, ph#, parents names because I don't want to be one of those who has no idea who the boy is if something dreadful should ever happen.
And yeah I know there are ways around strict rules for I know almost all them. But knowing that I can also use it to my advantage.

[ALVAREZ6]

And she still lives under my roof and has to abide by our rules. Like I said, I'll do what ever I can that is in my control and if they are at our house they are under my rules.
So what is next...she's having sex?..come on dude..she's in high school...everyone is doing it.
NOT!!!
I understand, but believe it or not most kids don't have sex when they're 15. I didn't lose my virginity til my senior year, and from my large high school class I'd say half didn't lost it at all, those that did mainly lost it senior and junior year. I just believe the focus should be on a common understanding with your daughter and education...not absolute rules, because I'm telling you people do what they want to do anyway.

[ALVAREZ6]

I think he's giving her too much room. I'd never let my daughter date as long as she was under my roof. I just don't trust guys, cause I know how we think.
I understand to not trust guys, but being a guy should also let you understand a lot of it is simply stupid thinking. Humans are horny, guys aren't as hesitant in letting it known. It's not like it's only us guys that want to get laid.

[ploto]

I guess I am lucky- my son has always gone to a relatively small school, and I have always already known any girl he became interested in. He has not gone outside that circle, yet...

[JoeChalupa]

I understand, but believe it or not most kids don't have sex when they're 15. I didn't lose my virginity til my senior year, and from my large high school class I'd say half didn't lost it at all, those that did mainly lost it senior and junior year. I just believe the focus should be on a common understanding with your daughter and education...not absolute rules, because I'm telling you people do what they want to do anyway.

Point taken. Yes, all the rules won't matter if they are not followed and one does that they want to do. All the parenting in the world still boils down to the choice she makes. Will she make the decision that I hope she will? Only time will tell but I'm doing what ever I can to help her. God knows I broke rules.

[ALVAREZ6]

Point taken. Yes, all the rules won't matter if they are not followed and one does that they want to do. All the parenting in the world still boils down to the choice she makes. Will she make the decision that I hope she will? Only time will tell but I'm doing what ever I can to help her. God knows I broke rules.
I hope you understand though that it still is uncommon for HS freshman to be having sex. There are special cases for everything...you hear stories about girls sucking dick in middle school, and sure it happens. It's not as common though.

[ALVAREZ6]

And going back to focusing on understanding, I'd suggest being as open as you can with your daughter when she is a couple years older. Maybe it's more appropriate for your wife for this role. All I know is my parents have always been open with me, and it's reflective of our culture and extended family. I can literally talk to my parents about anything and haven't ever had the need to hide anything from them (for example they knew me and my ex fucked a lot and I smoke the very occasional blunt, and I have what I consider a great relationship with my parents), but I'd consider myself far from a fuck up. If your daughter has her head on correctly, I think being as understanding and open as possible will leave you more satisfied.

[CuckingFunt]

What scares me is that the "terms" for girls seem to be reached at a younger and younger age.
She already knows a few girls who are pregnant.

Which is why I think an important part of sexual empowerment is instilling the knowledge that you're in control of your own body and in control of what gets done with whom and with what level of protection, etc. Obviously, the ultimate goal of that sense of power is to raise girls who are strong enough to feel comfortable saying no, rather than learning a version of relationship mechanics that says sex/sexual aggression is a tool of competition or validation or manipulation.

Ultimately, while I wouldn't want my sisters to necessarily make the decisions that I made, I kind of look at myself as a model. I became sexually active, to varying degrees, much earlier than my parents would have wanted (and likely much earlier than you would want for your own daughter), but I've never been taken advantage of and I've never been stupid. I do, however, think it is imperative that girls learn to understand and respect themselves as sexual beings, and find that such an attitude has been a far bigger positive influence on my life than negative.

[ALVAREZ6]

Which is why I think an important part of sexual empowerment is instilling the knowledge that you're in control of your own body and in control of what gets done with whom and with what level of protection, etc. Obviously, the ultimate goal of that sense of power is to raise girls who are strong enough to feel comfortable saying no, rather than learning a version of relationship mechanics that says sex/sexual aggression is a tool of competition or validation or manipulation.

:tu

[JoeChalupa]

And going back to focusing on understanding, I'd suggest being as open as you can with your daughter when she is a couple years older. Maybe it's more appropriate for your wife for this role. All I know is my parents have always been open with me, and it's reflective of our culture and extended family. I can literally talk to my parents about anything and haven't ever had the need to hide anything from them (for example they knew me and my ex fucked a lot and I smoke the very occasional blunt), and I'd consider myself far from a fuck up. If your daughter has her head on correctly, I think being as understanding and open as possible will leave you more satisfied.

I think it is a generational thing too. I don't do the "friend" kind of parenting, while yes I am my their friend I am a parent first and I'm sure there are certain issues she will not want to talk to us about and right now she does feel more comfortable talking with her mom about it. While I do want to feel free to come to us about anything we can discuss them without going into graphic details. I could never slam some brews with my 15 yr old son or daughter and cut loose like that. Not at that age. Hell, didn't even drink beer around my mom and dad until I was in my early 30's simply because I knew they didn't like it.
You are doing well and I'm glad you have that relationship with your parents. :tu

[JoeChalupa]

Which is why I think an important part of sexual empowerment is instilling the knowledge that you're in control of your own body and in control of what gets done with whom and with what level of protection, etc. Obviously, the ultimate goal of that sense of power is to raise girls who are strong enough to feel comfortable saying no, rather than learning a version of relationship mechanics that says sex/sexual aggression is a tool of competition or validation or manipulation.

Ultimately, while I wouldn't want my sisters to necessarily make the decisions that I made, I kind of look at myself as a model. I became sexually active, to varying degrees, much earlier than my parents would have wanted (and likely much earlier than you would want for your own daughter), but I've never been taken advantage of and I've never been stupid. I do, however, think it is imperative that girls learn to understand and respect themselves as sexual beings, and find that such an attitude has been a far bigger positive influence on my life than negative.

I concur. She knows the decision in the end is hers and not his or any other guy she is with. But also that her decision could lead to consequences that she may not be prepared for.
I guess it really is much easier for a man with a son.

[CuckingFunt]

I concur. She knows the decision in the end is hers and not his or any other guy she is with. But also that her decision could lead to consequences that she may not be prepared for.
I guess it really is much easier for a man with a son.

Only because of the fucked up way in which our society has defined masculinity, but that's a different rant for a different thread.

[ALVAREZ6]

I think it is a generational thing too. I don't do the "friend" kind of parenting, while yes I am my their friend I am a parent first and I'm sure there are certain issues she will not want to talk to us about and right now she does feel more comfortable talking with her mom about it. While I do want to feel free to come to us about anything we can discuss them without going into graphic details. I could never slam some brews with my 15 yr old son or daughter and cut loose like that. Not at that age. Hell, didn't even drink beer around my mom and dad until I was in my early 30's simply because I knew they didn't like it.
You are doing well and I'm glad you have that relationship with your parents. :tu
Well I also said in a couple years... I'm 19 now, but we've been like this for a while. And just because your parents are friends, it doesn't mean they aren't also parents first...I don't want to mislead you. If it can work, I suggest it because I find it easy and stress-free, but I understand it doesn't work in every household...especially strong Christian families, like my ex's.

[JoeChalupa]

Well I also said in a couple years... I'm 19 now, but we've been like this for a while. And just because your parents are friends, it doesn't mean they aren't also parents first...I don't want to mislead you. If it can work, I suggest it because I find it easy and stress-free, but I understand it doesn't work in every household...especially strong Christian families, like my ex's.

Yeah, every parent needs to learn what works and what doesn't as I've seen both. My older brother had strict rules and both his kids graduated from college.
My older sister did what I call the "friend" thing and her oldest dropped out of school, just got her GED and has two kids. But she is a very good mother and works FT and is going to school. Different methods work for different situations. Tough love works for some and not others.

[Ballcox]

While on this topic, anyone have a good recommendation for some books out there that speak to the topic of female sexuality-something I could pass along to my daughter in terms of her being able to take ownership of her body and making positive decisions about her sexuality?

I didn't quote it, but I thought earlier post by funt made a lot of sense on this topic.

[tlongII]

:ttiwwp:

Let's check her out Chalupa!

[Heath Ledger]

There was a time when we thought she may be gay because she simply didn't show interest in boys and wasn't very girlish but that has changed over the past year or so. Didn't matter though and she knew it wouldn't.


Just wait til she gets to college where she will really start exSPERMimenting, it's pretty much normal these days for girls to have at least one steamy lesbian affair while in college or high school.

[Heath Ledger]

I don't think that's a healthy stance to take, that's the sort of thinking that makes kid run away when they are 16 and shit.

I like the way you acted Joe, you can have a certain trust and give the appearance of trust but at the same time be ever watchful. When dealing with the guy remember, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.


Amen to that brother my sister ran away at 14 and got knocked up. Had like 5 kids before 20 she is about to have her 7th at 32 almost an octomom.

[Heath Ledger]

But I was "going with" girls when I was a Freshman in HS. I wasn't getting laid though. :( What the hell am I saying!?!?


Talk about a late bloomer. :lol

[TDMVPDPOY]

4 pages and still no pic of daughter?

[MANGINA]

Holding hands is no biggie. I don't have kids yet but I think you did well.

[JoeChalupa]

4 pages and still no pic of daughter?

What does what she look like have anything to do with it you damn perverts? She'll be 15 on the 24th.
My daughter is a beautiful young woman and I've been told by others that I would need to watch out for the boys. But no way I'm posting a picture of her. :lol

[JoeChalupa]

Talk about a late bloomer. :lol

Hey, I was a virgin until I was 18 and that was because I was leaving for the Corps and a good neighbor friend of mine knew I was a virgin so she gave me a nice going away gift.....of course I wasn't the first one to open such gift but what the hell. And she was no hottie but when you are an 18 yr old virgin does it really matter?

[Frenzy]

http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb184/kazavid/DatingSheppardno2.jpg

[Sec24Row7]

Hey, I was a virgin until I was 18 and that was because I was leaving for the Corps and a good neighbor friend of mine knew I was a virgin so she gave me a nice going away gift.....of course I wasn't the first one to open such gift but what the hell. And she was no hottie but when you are an 18 yr old virgin does it really matter?

LOL... don't worry... girls tend to be a lot more ruthless than guys of the same age...

Now if she starts dating a junior or a senior... :princess:eyebrows:makeout:chestbump...

:married:

[TDMVPDPOY]

My daughter is a beautiful young woman and I've been told by others that I would need to watch out for the boys. But no way I'm posting a picture of her. :lol

bold text, we need proof.....post pics NAO!!!

[JoeChalupa]

bold text, we need proof.....post pics NAO!!!

I take that back because in my eyes I only see my young daughter so a teen-ager is more appropriate. She is no Miley Cirus who wants to be sexy that much I can tell you. Then again maybe she does but I haven't seen that yet. :nope

[Summers]

Only because of the fucked up way in which our society has defined masculinity, but that's a different rant for a different thread.

No, it's because you can just staple a condom to your boy's penis when he turns 15 ("You are now a man! Mazeltov!"). I think. That's what I plan to do after reading this thread.

[marini martini]

Seriously, if the relationship goes past 2 months, it's time to visit Planned Parenthood!!!:toast

[J.T.]

She has to be SURE this guy loves her. If he does, he doesn't mind waiting.

Yeah but sex is part of a relationship too. If a bitch is keeping her pants on longer than she should just because she thinks the guy needs to put in some overtime then it's time for him to move on.

People deadset on waiting til' marriage because that's the correct answer to WWJD are fucking morons. I know you didn't say wait until marriage, just waiting, but that's the extreme end of "waiting". I'd like to see the look on these faces when they get to heaven and God tells them he didn't put that in the Bible, the most prehistoric forms of the modern conservative did, but the look on their faces when they die and find out there IS no heaven would be even more priceless

JOE

If this guy ever crosses the line don't hesitate to contact me and arrange for me to plant a large amount of a Schedule I illegal substance in his room or vehicle. I'd be happy to.

[Jekka]

While on this topic, anyone have a good recommendation for some books out there that speak to the topic of female sexuality-something I could pass along to my daughter in terms of her being able to take ownership of her body and making positive decisions about her sexuality?

I didn't quote it, but I thought earlier post by funt made a lot of sense on this topic.

Natalie Angier's Woman: An Intimate Geography (http://www.amazon.com/Woman-Intimate-Geography-Natalie-Angier/dp/0385498411/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1241496771&sr=1-1). It's been a few years since I read this, but I remember it being extremely informative, and it definitely speaks in a way that encourages women to value their bodies and health as something worth their own self respect as well as the respect of others.

[angel_luv]

Congrats to you, your daughter, and your family Joe! I'm going to be a father in October... I might need help :D

Congrats on your blessing!

[JoeChalupa]

JOE

If this guy ever crosses the line don't hesitate to contact me and arrange for me to plant a large amount of a Schedule I illegal substance in his room or vehicle. I'd be happy to.

:lol I'll remember that.

[LnGrrrR]

Congrats on your blessing!

Thanks Angel! I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that he or she will be getting baptized ;)

My wife is Roman Catholic, and so we've decided to raise the baby with both our influences. She'll explain why/how she believes, and I'll explain why/how I don't, and we'll let he/she make his/her decision.

[JoeChalupa]

Thanks Angel! I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that he or she will be getting baptized ;)

My wife is Roman Catholic, and so we've decided to raise the baby with both our influences. She'll explain why/how she believes, and I'll explain why/how I don't, and we'll let he/she make his/her decision.

Congrats!! I'm Catholic so our kids are baptized but they go to both Catholic and Baptist Churches since my wife is Baptist.

[ALVAREZ6]

Thanks Angel! I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that he or she will be getting baptized ;)

My wife is Roman Catholic, and so we've decided to raise the baby with both our influences. She'll explain why/how she believes, and I'll explain why/how I don't, and we'll let he/she make his/her decision.
:lol

Kind of like my parents...my mother was (notice was, now she doesn't know or give a shit) Catholic and my dad had no affiliation with any religion/atheist, and I was baptized, confirmed, etc. My dad even agreed that it was a good thing to send me to catholic lessons to at least learn history and learn other lessons, and didn't deny me the chance to believe. He never even explained to me what he believes or even outright told me he didn't believe, but I figured out what he must believe rather quickly... it also helped knowing he has a PhD in Physics and has a completely scientific mind. But eventually I grew up and formed different opinions. So you may not even have to explain your beliefs, it might confuse the shit out of your kid and cause some problems.

[LnGrrrR]

:lol
So you may not even have to explain your beliefs, it might confuse the shit out of your kid and cause some problems.

Got me. I know I probably won't be bothering him/her about it right after he/she gets out of the womb :D

I'll be way too busy putting on recordings of Stephen Hawking so he/she can become a physicist by age 10. :lol

[MaNuMaNiAc]

That was my thinking as well. They haven't actually gone out on a date yet unless you consider yesterday a "date". She is not allowed to wear any make-up though until 16. Sounds kind of lame at this point but for one, she doesn't need it, and two I don't like it young girls. But that is just me.
The wife and I have had our discussions as I feel she tends to be too "liberal" and is more accepting of her dating this young man. I more of a I'll deal with it but I sure as hell am not going to encourage or make it easy. When he comes over to talk they must always be in view, they normally talk outside and they must be in full view at all times.
The worse part is the mental images that I must deal with.

But I was "going with" girls when I was a Freshman in HS. I wasn't getting laid though. :( What the hell am I saying!?!?

...

Not that it matters, or would make any difference here seeing as there are quite a lot of nutjobs in here that think like you, but IMO you are one overzealous controlling freak...

:lmao @ people giving you credit for being lenient and giving the boy a chance... You frown upon them holding hands for fuck sake! Again, IMO you're too paranoid for your own good, not to mention hers. Talk to the girl, communicate. Don't act like a fucking warden.

[tsb2000]

I feel your pain. I've got three daughters; two of them are teenagers.

[ALVAREZ6]

...

Not that it matters, or would make any difference here seeing as there are quite a lot of nutjobs in here that think like you, but IMO you are one overzealous controlling freak...

:lmao @ people giving you credit for being lenient and giving the boy a chance... You frown upon them holding hands for fuck sake! Again, IMO you're too paranoid for your own good, not to mention hers. Talk to the girl, communicate. Don't act like a fucking warden.
must be an american thing :lol

just kidding

[Duff McCartney]

I'm glad I'm getting a vasectomy.

[smeagol]

I'm glad I'm getting a vasectomy.

Why?

Are you married?

[Duff McCartney]

Why?

So I don't have kids.

[TDMVPDPOY]

So I don't have kids.

what for man, someone will come in for the preggys...

[KidCongo]

I bet they hold hands in the playground.

[JudynTX]

Hey Joe, I'm just curious, but are they still together? :D

[JoeChalupa]

Hey Joe, I'm just curious, but are they still together? :D

No, they've decided they are better as "friends" so they are doing the Jerry & Elaine thing.
She came home one day and I could tell she was not a happy camper and I knew why. She talked to my wife and cried and got over it.
We had a good talk father/daughter talk though.
And thanks for asking.

[JudynTX]

No, they've decided they are better as "friends" so they are doing the Jerry & Elaine thing.
She came home one day and I could tell she was not a happy camper and I knew why. She talked to my wife and cried and got over it.
We had a good talk father/daughter talk though.
And thanks for asking.

:tu Be ready for BF #2. :lol

[JoeChalupa]

:tu Be ready for BF #2. :lol

I know. :bang

[CosmicCowboy]

I'm glad I'm getting a vasectomy.

So is the gene pool.