Darthkiller
05-05-2009, 08:14 PM
Stage 1: "I can't believe that went in, I'm going to jump around like a huge dork, and I am definitely getting laid tonight."
(Best example: Any game-winner from a dorky shooting guard.)
Stage 2: "I have no idea how to act but I'm going to try to seem like I'm an assassin and do some preening, and you're going to hate me by the time I'm done."
(Best example: The Iguodala example above or Ben Gordon's crotch grab in Game 4.)
Stage 3: "I'm going to try to seem like I meant to do this, but you'll know I'm rattled as soon as I blow my first three chest-bumps or stagger around like I'm drunk."
(Best example: Any game-winner ever made by Patrick Ewing.)
Stage 4: "Even though I should be acting like I've been here before, I'm still going to jump around and completely lose my crap because I'm so freaking excited."
(Best example: Reggie Miller running around like a chicken with its head cut off after his 3 in Game 4 of the Bulls series in '98.)
Stage 5: "I'm going to pretend to be Michael Jordan to the point that you will feel creepy."
(Best example: Kobe's game-winner against the Suns in 2006 that recently made the slew of cool playoff commercials. We haven't seen an imitation that uncomfortable since Jennifer Jason Leigh got Bridget Fonda's haircut in "Single White Female.")
Stage 6: "I normally don't get excited, but that was just too damn cool.
(Best example: Tim Duncan nailing the game-saving 3-pointer against Phoenix last spring, or John Stockton nailing the series-winner against the Rockets in '97.)
Stage 7: "I am not surprised this happened. I am really, really good and the moment needs to be commemorated in some way."
(Best example: Dwyane Wade's steal and banker to beat Chicago, followed by Wade calmly running over to the scorer's table, hopping on it and staring at the fans. That was cool. Gotta hand it to him.)
Stage 8: Any Jordan game-winner from 1996-98 or any Bird game-winner from 1985-88. The defining "Come on, of course that was going in" guys of my lifetime.
Stage 9: Jerry West. Remember when West nailed the 60-footer to tie Game 3 of the NBA Finals in 1970? THE MAN DOESN'T FLINCH. No celebration, no fist pump, no smile. I'm not even sure his hair moved. But he did accept a few handshakes. So ...
Stage 10: Bird again. Remember when Reggie made that aforementioned 3-pointers in '98 against the Bulls when he hopped around like a pansy? The crowd explodes. His teammates go bonkers. It's complete chaos. NBA cuts to a replay of coach Bird's reaction. The Legend doesn't even blink. Just stands there. He couldn't be less impressed. Wake me up when someone else gets to Stage 10.
(See, everything comes back to Larry Bird.)
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/090429&sportCat=nba
(Best example: Any game-winner from a dorky shooting guard.)
Stage 2: "I have no idea how to act but I'm going to try to seem like I'm an assassin and do some preening, and you're going to hate me by the time I'm done."
(Best example: The Iguodala example above or Ben Gordon's crotch grab in Game 4.)
Stage 3: "I'm going to try to seem like I meant to do this, but you'll know I'm rattled as soon as I blow my first three chest-bumps or stagger around like I'm drunk."
(Best example: Any game-winner ever made by Patrick Ewing.)
Stage 4: "Even though I should be acting like I've been here before, I'm still going to jump around and completely lose my crap because I'm so freaking excited."
(Best example: Reggie Miller running around like a chicken with its head cut off after his 3 in Game 4 of the Bulls series in '98.)
Stage 5: "I'm going to pretend to be Michael Jordan to the point that you will feel creepy."
(Best example: Kobe's game-winner against the Suns in 2006 that recently made the slew of cool playoff commercials. We haven't seen an imitation that uncomfortable since Jennifer Jason Leigh got Bridget Fonda's haircut in "Single White Female.")
Stage 6: "I normally don't get excited, but that was just too damn cool.
(Best example: Tim Duncan nailing the game-saving 3-pointer against Phoenix last spring, or John Stockton nailing the series-winner against the Rockets in '97.)
Stage 7: "I am not surprised this happened. I am really, really good and the moment needs to be commemorated in some way."
(Best example: Dwyane Wade's steal and banker to beat Chicago, followed by Wade calmly running over to the scorer's table, hopping on it and staring at the fans. That was cool. Gotta hand it to him.)
Stage 8: Any Jordan game-winner from 1996-98 or any Bird game-winner from 1985-88. The defining "Come on, of course that was going in" guys of my lifetime.
Stage 9: Jerry West. Remember when West nailed the 60-footer to tie Game 3 of the NBA Finals in 1970? THE MAN DOESN'T FLINCH. No celebration, no fist pump, no smile. I'm not even sure his hair moved. But he did accept a few handshakes. So ...
Stage 10: Bird again. Remember when Reggie made that aforementioned 3-pointers in '98 against the Bulls when he hopped around like a pansy? The crowd explodes. His teammates go bonkers. It's complete chaos. NBA cuts to a replay of coach Bird's reaction. The Legend doesn't even blink. Just stands there. He couldn't be less impressed. Wake me up when someone else gets to Stage 10.
(See, everything comes back to Larry Bird.)
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/090429&sportCat=nba