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Cheese
05-15-2009, 05:08 PM
http://decentcommunity.org/2009/05/05/women-dies-after-using-jackhammer-as-dildo/

ARNDALE, OK – Sheriff’s investigators have closed the unsettling case of a 49-year-old female construction worker found dead in her driveway after a neighbor witnessed her using a high-powered jackhammer to pleasure herself.

After a two-day investigation in which officials initially suspected foul play–Shirley Dent’s death on May 1 has now been ruled an accident “after severe internal distress induced by the machine was discovered,” Det.-Sgt. Karl Sprout of the Alpara County Sheriff’s Office said yesterday.

On May 1, a neighbor witnessed a naked Ms. Dent in her driveway “struggling to direct a jackhammer toward her mid-section.” The alarmed neighbor notified police after hearing ear-splitting moans of distress that carried over the raucous jackhammer. Authorities arrived at the scene to an unresponsive Ms. Dent, who was then transported to West Grenier Hospital where she was pronounced dead shortly thereafter.

The recently divorced Ms. Dent had been questioned by authorities three times over the past month after neighbors complained of her running a prostiution ring from her home. Records also show that Ms. Dent supplemented her income as the sole proprietor of a sex toy distributor.

Ms. Dent’s alleged extracurricular activities appear to be unrelated to her death. A neighbor who declined to be identified said, “She was a horny lady, especially after her husband moved out. My family could hear moans coming from her place all the time.”

:hat

BlackSwordsMan
05-15-2009, 05:14 PM
cheese

E20
05-15-2009, 05:15 PM
what a moron

Das Texan
05-15-2009, 05:18 PM
We have a candidate for the Darwin award next year.

step up to the mike
05-15-2009, 05:23 PM
DizzG forum.

ShoogarBear
05-15-2009, 06:04 PM
Really, all you needed was a thread title here. The story is superfluous.

jack sommerset
05-15-2009, 06:04 PM
Holy shit! Thats one horny bitch! lol @ Jack Hammered!

ShoogarBear
05-15-2009, 06:05 PM
Amateur.

jman3000
05-15-2009, 06:06 PM
Oklahoma.

Marcus Bryant
05-15-2009, 06:09 PM
She was a horny lady

Rather fitting epitaph, no?

Frenzy
05-15-2009, 06:09 PM
jackhammer will be charged.

sonic21
05-15-2009, 06:11 PM
holy shit

ShoogarBear
05-15-2009, 06:13 PM
Oklahoma.

Meanwhile, in Louisiana, somebody is using a dildo as a jackhammer.

Marcus Bryant
05-15-2009, 06:17 PM
Meanwhile, in Louisiana, somebody is using a dildo as a jackhammer.

http://poliology.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/ed.jpg

Hi-O!

monosylab1k
05-15-2009, 06:24 PM
laugh out loud

Bukefal
05-15-2009, 06:34 PM
unbelievable...

Strike
05-15-2009, 07:33 PM
Holy shit! Thats one horny bitch! lol @ Jack Hammered!

Goldberg should give the eulogy.

CuckingFunt
05-15-2009, 08:25 PM
Worth it.

exstatic
05-15-2009, 08:31 PM
DizzG forum.

:lol Old School funny.

Borosai
05-15-2009, 09:39 PM
Ms. Dent indeed.

EricB
05-16-2009, 12:08 AM
DizzG forum.


:lmao

TDMVPDPOY
05-16-2009, 04:30 AM
Moar?

SpursStalker
05-16-2009, 11:14 AM
Desperation is evil ...

:lol

TwAnKiEs
05-16-2009, 11:52 AM
That's jacked up! :wow

France B-boy
05-16-2009, 01:06 PM
:wow

Last Comic Standing
05-16-2009, 01:07 PM
In other related news........
a road crew worker was spotted using a vibrator to tear up the sidewalks.

ShoogarBear
05-16-2009, 01:52 PM
In other related news........
a road crew worker was spotted using a vibrator to tear up the sidewalks.

http://www.tvgasm.com/newsgasm/xlarge.jpg

Approves of this joke.

koriwhat
05-16-2009, 09:10 PM
god mencia is a fuckin' cocksucker!

Viintex
05-17-2009, 01:10 PM
What would happen if she used crowbar?

Cant_Be_Faded
05-17-2009, 04:36 PM
She shoulda stuck with toastfucking

byrdman31
05-17-2009, 10:53 PM
:ttiwwp:

Ed Helicopter Jones
05-18-2009, 11:35 AM
Shoog's comments alone have made this thread worth the read.

SpursWoman
05-18-2009, 12:25 PM
:lol @ SB

Wild Cobra
05-18-2009, 12:49 PM
At least Jack Hammer (http://www.peoplebot.com/PeopleBot/PeopleBot?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&city=&cm=wait&firstName=jack&middleName=&lastName=hammer&select=ALL&btnG=PeopleBot+Search) is easy to find!

jack sommerset
05-18-2009, 12:58 PM
This women is dead so it's sort of sad but with that said she was masterbating with a jackhammer in her DRIVEWAY! They need to do a bio on this gal. I am guessing she had to do alot of jacked up stuff to put her in the driveway masterbating with a jackhammer at he ripe old age of 49.