ploto
06-28-2009, 05:20 PM
I never saw this posted this year. I probably missed it, but just in case it can be an amusing read.
The Virgin Megastore on Hollywood Boulevard had a "Going Out Of Business!" sale this month. For the first few days, everything in the store was 30 percent off. The discount jumped to 40 percent and, finally, 80 percent. I voyaged down down there one day too late, well after every desirable DVD and Blu-Ray disc had been snagged. One wall of DVDs featured only "Don't Mess with the Zohan" and "Meet Dave," to give you a sense of what was left.
I spent 20 minutes sifting through the Blu-Ray remains. It wasn't pretty. I talked myself into "Terminator 3," "The Shining" and "Superman Returns," then carried them for a few more minutes before realizing, "Wait a second, what am I doing?" I put the Blu-Rays back and walked out of the store.
Here's the point: The 2009 NBA draft is the equivalent of that 10 minutes when I nearly talked myself into three Blu-Rays I didn't even want. I have seen "The Shining" 10 million katrillion times. I don't need to own it on Blu-Ray. But when it's sitting on the same shelf with "Along Came Polly" and "Ocean's 12"? It starts looking good by default. That's the problem with this year's draft class -- too many "Terminator 3" Blu-Rays, only everyone else is so bad, you start talking yourself into them.
Maybe Tyreke Evans really is a point guard! Maybe DeMar DeRozan can put it together! Maybe Tyler Hansbrough isn't too slow! Maybe Jrue Holiday's college stats aren't a red flag!
Trust me: It's the worst draft class since the infamous Kenyon Martin Draft in 2000. If I had to bet my life on any 2009 prospect becoming a top-three player on a championship team, I'd bet on Blake Griffin, Ricky Rubio and Stephen Curry. That's it. You'd remember this draft as Suckapalooza 2009 someday if it hadn't happened on the same day we lost Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. Only the Clippers could have the No. 1 pick on a day like this, right?
Without further ado, Draft Diary XIII …
4:39: Blake Griffin goes No. 1, followed by shots of Griffin pretending to be happy and one lone Clippers fan smiling in the crowd. That was funny. That's followed by Stern shaking Griffin's hand the same way a father-in-law shakes a son-in-law's hand right before he marries off his craziest daughter -- as in, "I know you're marrying into my family, but I have to be honest, I feel absolutely terrible about this and part of me wants to tell you to run." That was funnier.
5:01: As we're waiting for Sota, instead of making the obligatory Jonas Brothers joke about Rubio, I'm going in a different direction: Why didn't the "High School Musical" producers hire Rubio for the third movie? He could have played a transfer student from Spain who made Zac Efron feel threatened, briefly dated Vanessa Hudgens, then became friends with them before winning the state title … and everything could have finished with a big dance number. Come on, you're telling me Rubio wouldn't have killed with Disney's audience? Hell, even I think he's cute, and I'm a heterosexual male with a wife and two kids. Wait, did I say that out loud?
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/090625
The Virgin Megastore on Hollywood Boulevard had a "Going Out Of Business!" sale this month. For the first few days, everything in the store was 30 percent off. The discount jumped to 40 percent and, finally, 80 percent. I voyaged down down there one day too late, well after every desirable DVD and Blu-Ray disc had been snagged. One wall of DVDs featured only "Don't Mess with the Zohan" and "Meet Dave," to give you a sense of what was left.
I spent 20 minutes sifting through the Blu-Ray remains. It wasn't pretty. I talked myself into "Terminator 3," "The Shining" and "Superman Returns," then carried them for a few more minutes before realizing, "Wait a second, what am I doing?" I put the Blu-Rays back and walked out of the store.
Here's the point: The 2009 NBA draft is the equivalent of that 10 minutes when I nearly talked myself into three Blu-Rays I didn't even want. I have seen "The Shining" 10 million katrillion times. I don't need to own it on Blu-Ray. But when it's sitting on the same shelf with "Along Came Polly" and "Ocean's 12"? It starts looking good by default. That's the problem with this year's draft class -- too many "Terminator 3" Blu-Rays, only everyone else is so bad, you start talking yourself into them.
Maybe Tyreke Evans really is a point guard! Maybe DeMar DeRozan can put it together! Maybe Tyler Hansbrough isn't too slow! Maybe Jrue Holiday's college stats aren't a red flag!
Trust me: It's the worst draft class since the infamous Kenyon Martin Draft in 2000. If I had to bet my life on any 2009 prospect becoming a top-three player on a championship team, I'd bet on Blake Griffin, Ricky Rubio and Stephen Curry. That's it. You'd remember this draft as Suckapalooza 2009 someday if it hadn't happened on the same day we lost Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. Only the Clippers could have the No. 1 pick on a day like this, right?
Without further ado, Draft Diary XIII …
4:39: Blake Griffin goes No. 1, followed by shots of Griffin pretending to be happy and one lone Clippers fan smiling in the crowd. That was funny. That's followed by Stern shaking Griffin's hand the same way a father-in-law shakes a son-in-law's hand right before he marries off his craziest daughter -- as in, "I know you're marrying into my family, but I have to be honest, I feel absolutely terrible about this and part of me wants to tell you to run." That was funnier.
5:01: As we're waiting for Sota, instead of making the obligatory Jonas Brothers joke about Rubio, I'm going in a different direction: Why didn't the "High School Musical" producers hire Rubio for the third movie? He could have played a transfer student from Spain who made Zac Efron feel threatened, briefly dated Vanessa Hudgens, then became friends with them before winning the state title … and everything could have finished with a big dance number. Come on, you're telling me Rubio wouldn't have killed with Disney's audience? Hell, even I think he's cute, and I'm a heterosexual male with a wife and two kids. Wait, did I say that out loud?
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/090625