Goings on with my ex-wife to be...

[Strike]

So here's the deal. My wife moved out of my place April 8th. I told her I wanted a divorce because of infidelity on her part. Since the day she moved out, she has called and texted me every day telling me how much she wants me back, how much she still loves me, etc. Most of the time, I just ignore the texts. When I ignore her, she starts to get paranoid and asks me if I'm seeing someone. Then it goes into full on accusations of me "cheating" on her. For the record, I'm not seeing anyone. I haven't seen anyone since she moved out. I never cheated, never screwed around, whatever. So her accusations are completely baseless. When I finally text her back, everything's back to normal. An interesting recurring thing we kind of have. I would just change my number but she'll call my parents' house looking for me, causing me more drama than I care to deal with. So I just let her text me endlessly and tune it out.

Of all the many things she continuously tells me, one is that she doesn't want "the guy" with whom she cheated. Says it nearly every day. Well, I got home from work this morning and hadn't received any texts. I usually do before I get home. Didn't think anything of it. As the day progressed, still nothing. Started to notice the oddity of my silent phone. So I popped off a text around 3:30 simply saying "u ok?" She replied and asked to see me when she "gets back". Hmm, that's weird. She never goes anywhere. I inquired, she ignored. I continued to inquire, she continued to ignore. I called her phone. Straight to voicemail.

Ok. She's now avoiding me. She never avoids me. EXCEPT when she's with "the guy". Now I know what she's doing. Keep in mind, I no longer care if she sees "the guy". I no longer want her so as far as I'm concerned, she's free to do what she wishes. I'd just like her to act like an adult and just tell me straight up. After nearly 10 years of marriage, I don't think I'm asking for something unreasonable. And the fact that she repeatedly accuses me of having an affair annoys me a bit since she's obviously being just a tad hypocritical.

So, as far as I see it, I'm free to see other women since she's back to/still seeing "the guy". She wouldn't be able to say peep about since hasn't a leg to stand on. I know she'll get mad if I start dating but I really don't care. As long as she's doing what she's doing, I'm free to do the same.

Am I wrong here?

[eyeh8u]

i think you need to call this guy
http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i267/InsomniacDave/JoeyGreco.jpg
he has the answers

[Strike]

i think you need to call this guy
http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i267/InsomniacDave/JoeyGreco.jpg
he has the answers

Who the hell is that?

[eyeh8u]

Who the hell is that?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joey_Greco

[Strike]

Ah. No need. I already know she cheated. That's why I asked for the divorce and for her to move out. Little late for that dude.

Still doesn't answer my question, by the way.

[eyeh8u]

did you ever see the original low-budget cheaters where they had a camera, a chalkboard and a clipboard and that was it?
rofl

no i only got into cheaters recently, watching that alone in my bedroom saturday at 12:30 pm makes me smile a little bit, before the darkness sets in, then i cry

[redskinfan]

She was a ho.......fo sho!

[Dr. Gonzo]

First of all, you need to go to Mexico and check out the donkey show. After you get back home, sit on the couch and watch the entire Back to the Future trilogy. Next, go to Taco Bell and grab a couple beef and potato burritos.

Problem solved. It's just that simple.

[Leetonidas]

FTP.

Fuck that puta! You're doing nothing wrong as far as I can see brah. :tu

[eyeh8u]

Ah. No need. I already know she cheated. That's why I asked for the divorce and for her to move out. Little late for that dude.

Still doesn't answer my question, by the way.

I only have a B.A is psychology but i am working on a Masters and PHd, but here is how i see it. I think you are either afraid of your wife or still have some feeling toward her, that is why you have not gone out even after you know she is cheating, you are looking for a few people to validate your view online, so you dont feel alone when you make your choice to date other women. If you are really 31, thats means you got married at 21, marriages at that young of an age, that are not arranged, fail more often then the 50% rate failure rate of all marriages in America. If you truly have no feelings toward your wife anymore, then start with a legal separation and proceed with a divorce ask fast as you can. Also are there kids involved? Pre-nup? Use her infidelity against her in court, with proof, and you might have a better chance at not losing half of your things.

[Dr. Gonzo]

I only have a B.A is psychology but i am working on a Masters and PHd, but here is how i see it. I think you are either afraid of your wife or still have some feeling toward her, that is why you have not gone out even after you know she is cheating, you are looking for a few people to validate your view online, so you dont feel alone when you make your choice to date other women. If you are really 31, thats means you got married at 21, marriages at that young of an age, that are not arranged, fail more often then the 50% rate failure rate of all marriages in America. If you truly have no feelings toward your wife anymore, then start with a legal separation and proceed with a divorce ask fast as you can. Also are there kids involved? Pre-nup? Use her infidelity against her in court, with proof, and you might have a better chance at not losing half of your things.

Don't you need your masters before you work on a phd?

[eyeh8u]

Don't you need your masters before you work on a phd?

no you can go from A BA to a 5 year PHD program if you are accepted, Right now i am not in school, im in between doing GRE and other stuff, if i cant get in to a good PHD school, then i can go the MA route then 2 year PHD. thats why i dont know if my next degree is gonna be a MA, or a straight PHD, but all of this is years away.

[Dr. Gonzo]

no you can go from A BA to a 5 year PHD program if you are accepted, Right now i am not in school, im in between doing GRE and other stuff, if i cant get in to a good PHD school, then i can go the MA route then 2 year PHD. thats why i dont know if my next degree is gonna be a MA, or a straight PHD, but all of this is years away.

Then you aren't working on a masters or a phd. You lied. Liar.

[eyeh8u]

Then you aren't working on a masters or a phd. You lied. Liar.

I never claimed i was in taking classes, but i believe taking the necessary exams, and etc is in fact working towards my one day goal of a PhD. If you dont consider that work, i would ask you to try it, getting a good recommendation letter is harder that being the only virgin in a Sex Psychology and day of the week.

[marini martini]

I never claimed i was in taking classes, but i believe taking the necessary exams, and etc is in fact working towards my one day goal of a PhD. If you dont consider that work, i would ask you to try it, getting a good recommendation letter is harder that being the only virgin in a Sex Psychology and day of the week.

Sooooooooo........if you wanna be a big ass shrink how come you're title is: "I Hate you"???:toast

[Kori Ellis]

Are you going to end up paying alimony?

If so, it's in your best interest that she continues seeing the guy and you continue seeing no one. It will look better for you in court because the marriage dissolving will be her doing.

[Kori Ellis]

Oh and as for your question... I don't think you are "wrong" but you have to really stop caring if she's still seeing the guy or not. After she said texted about when she "gets back", you should have just left it alone instead of trying to continue contacting her.

[eyeh8u]

Sooooooooo........if you wanna be a big ass shrink how come you're title is: "I Hate you"???:toast


i am playing the role of a bad boy so i can get chicks

[Kriz-Maxima]

Oh and as for your question... I don't think you are "wrong" but you have to really stop caring if she's still seeing the guy or not. After she said texted about when she "gets back", you should have just left it alone instead of trying to continue contacting her.

+1

The fact that you continued to inquire is suspect to me. No reason to text her if she had not text you (if you truly want nothing to do with her) and even less to keep inquiring further after she gave you an obscure answer.

[marini martini]

Strike, if you live in Texas and have no kids go for it Brah. Screw her Mamma, her sister, whomever. She's still going to get 1/2 of what ever you aquired together in the last ten years, debts included!!! If you do have kids, Keep your "Johnny Joe" clean, cuz if she gets custody, she'll run you over! :(





i am playing the role of a bad boy so i can get chicks

Oh thanks...............that's how I pick my shrink!!!:toast

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

Wwojd?

[Fillmoe]

haha... i smashed taht bitch to b!

[Kori Ellis]

Strike, if you live in Texas and have no kids go for it Brah. Screw her Mamma, her sister, whomever. She's still going to get 1/2 of what ever you aquired together in the last ten years, debts included!!! If you do have kids, Keep your "Johnny Joe" clean, cuz if she gets custody, she'll run you over! :(






Oh thanks...............that's how I pick my shrink!!!:toast

Is it true that she'll automatically get half? I don't think so if she's the one who cheated and he didn't.

[marini martini]

Is it true that she'll automatically get half? I don't think so if she's the one who cheated and he didn't.

It is if they live in Texas!!! Community property, no fault, state, if they have no kiddos!!!

[Kori Ellis]

It is if they live in Texas!!! Community property, no fault, state, if they have no kiddos!!!

Hmm.. I know someone else here who the husband got everything because the wife cheated.

[mrsmaalox]

I'm going to agree that you haven't totally broken free. I know how complicated that is :rolleyes.

[eyeh8u]

Hmm.. I know someone else here who the husband got everything because the wife cheated.

that was murder, not divorce:downspin:

[marini martini]

Hmm.. I know someone else here who the husband got everything because the wife cheated.

There must have been mega bucks and videos involved.:toast

[Typhoon]

Exactly, unless you have concluding evidence that she cheated on you, its your word against hers... sorry buddy you are fucked.

[gtownspur]

What you do now strike, is pretty much try to go back and visit good friends you have and spend more time with immediate family.

I would also pickup a gym membership to a good 24/7 fitness club, save some money, and set a date, like maybe this spring, where you can say "This will be the day that Strike conquers once again."

I mean it sucks coming home to an empty house. That's probably your worst enemy. You need to spend more time outside of it doing things and going places that are cheap. If you don't have a laptop, get one and start going to a local coffee shop sparsely throughout the week, go to a pickup bball game, rent netflix and get nothing but comedies, watch alot of bloopers on youtube, do prank calls, and do things a young man would do, not things a defeated one would.


As with the ex wife, erase her number and block it. Don't know why you haven't done so? Just try to remember all the things that lacked in your wife and find a woman who has those things.

[marini martini]

What you do now strike, is pretty much try to go back and visit good friends you have and spend more time with immediate family.

I would also pickup a gym membership to a good 24/7 fitness club, save some money, and set a date, like maybe this spring, where you can say "This will be the day that Strike conquers once again."

I mean it sucks coming home to an empty house. That's probably your worst enemy. You need to spend more time outside of it doing things and going places that are cheap. If you don't have a laptop, get one and start going to a local coffee shop sparsely throughout the week, go to a pickup bball game, rent netflix and get nothing but comedies, watch alot of bloopers on youtube, do prank calls, and do things a young man would do, not things a defeated one would.


As with the ex wife, erase her number and block it. Don't know why you haven't done so? Just try to remember all the things that lacked in your wife and find a woman who has those things.

:toast:toast:toast



















:lmao:lmao

[TheProfessor]

Is it true that she'll automatically get half? I don't think so if she's the one who cheated and he didn't.
You're correct Kori. Texas allows for no-fault divorce, but you can still plead on fault grounds. It's up to the judge to make what he or she decides is an equitable distribution of property with all of that taken into consideration, but it could get messy. Usually more of an issue where there's a ton of property at stake and one party is overtly at fault (a philandering abusive husband, for instance).

[ploto]

First, I think it interesting that you complain about her texting you, but when she did not, you then texted her repeatedly and even phoned her. Maybe you were just curious or maybe you needed to "know" that she was seeing him. If you have kids, you need to keep in touch with her, but if you do not, it is time to quit playing texting games.

My biggest advice is that you have to decide for yourself what you can live with in yourself. You have to be able to look yourself in the mirror. You have to decide for you. Do you personally have a problem with an individual dating someone while they are still married? And on behalf of all women- if you decide to date, be honest and tell the woman you are NOT divorced. She has the right to know because it may be something with which she is not comfortable.

Plus, I am curious. It has been 4 months since she moved out. Do you really intend to get a divorce? Were you considering trying again with her before you thought she was seeing this guy? Are you looking for that final push to file?

[gtownspur]

you need to date more women like ploto..


because judging from her political takes, she blows.



......and swallows!


spload!

[marini martini]

Strike, if you live in Texas and have no kids go for it Brah. Screw her Mamma, her sister, whomever. She's still going to get 1/2 of what ever you aquired together in the last ten years, debts included!!! If you do have kids, Keep your "Johnny Joe" clean, cuz if she gets custody, she'll run you over!!:toast


Is it true that she'll automatically get half? I don't think so if she's the one who cheated and he didn't.


It is if they live in Texas!!! Community property, no fault, state, if they have no kiddos!!!


Hmm.. I know someone else here who the husband got everything because the wife cheated.


There must have been mega bucks and videos involved.:toast


Exactly, unless you have concluding evidence that she cheated on you, its your word against hers... sorry buddy you are fucked.


You're correct Kori. Texas allows for no-fault divorce, but you can still plead on fault grounds. It's up to the judge to make what he or she decides is an equitable distribution of property with all of that taken into consideration, but it could get messy. Usually more of an issue where there's a ton of property at stake and one party is overtly at fault (a philandering abusive husband, for instance).

:toast

[gtownspur]

Marini, could you convert my last post to a haiku, i fogowt!

thanxxxxx!

[TheProfessor]

One more thing - it sounds like you're fairly adult about the entire thing. If you'd like to keep bad blood out of the proceedings, you might look into some alternative dispute resolution, such as collaborative divorce or mediation. You could still take her infidelity into account in those settings, but in a less confrontational way.

[circ]

have a threesome with the dude and video tape it.
then you can either prove she cheated or blackmail her

win/win
/thread

[tlongII]

I have nothing constructive to say, but this is an interesting thread.

[TDMVPDPOY]

dont take her back man

i know most of the time the victim doesnt give a shit if he really loves her, and in a world of their own where others opinion dont matter, but you will have to live with the thought ur wife cheating on you and someone has inserted their dick in ur belonging many times.

would you be ashame going back with ur ex? since maybe most of ur friends, family would disowned you in a private manner behind ur back without telling you....shame shame shame

i think its different POV from a guy than girl, whichever gender was in the wrong....

[Strike]

I'll try to answer all the questions and address all the opinions:

I don't live in Texas. I live in Oregon. I'm not as keen on the divorce laws in my state as I should be. But that will soon change.

The divorce proceedings, when they come, won't be too difficult. When she moved out, I let her take anything she wanted. And she took most of everything with the exception of my clothes and the like, my flat screen, my computer, and the couch on which I sleep. She took most of the furniture, her computer, a TV, some assorted electronics, and her clothes and personal stuff. So we basically have little or no assets to split. We don't own a house. I have the car that is in both our names. She doesn't want the car and she doesn't have a driver's license anyway.

We have no kids. I decided a couple years ago that I don't want to have kids. I believe that, in part, played a role in the failure of the marriage. Either way, custody and child support are a non-issue.

I have proof that she was unfaithful. Text messages where she admitted to cheating. As recently as two days ago. Not much but better than nothing.

The fact that I haven't sought out new companionship is not because of any attachment to her. I just have no desire to be in any kind of relationship right now. I don't have the patience required to deal with it right now. Yes there are still some hurt feelings about how things turned out. That's natural. But I came to terms with the circumstances of the marriage quite some time ago. I don't feel bitter or betrayed anymore. I have to ill feelings toward her. She proved many times over that she has no real consideration for me, my feelings or our marriage. When I finally figured that out, I became indifferent. I don't love her. I don't hate her. I just, for the most part, don't care.

I have no problem coming home to an empty house. I actually like it. Before now, I had never lived completely alone. I either lived with my parents, a roommate, or her. The fact that I now answer to no one but myself makes my home life more enjoyable. I don't get bitched at for spending too much time on the computer. I don't get grief for going out with my friends. My mood is more calm, my work has improved, and I enjoy being by myself at this point in my life. If I desire the company of other people, I have family close by and friends whose company I enjoy. Most of the time, I'm just too tired (as a result of the physical strain my work and working the graveyard shift) to do much of anything besides tool around on the net, listen to music or watch movies. But I almost never feel lonely.

To be honest, the fact that she's still seeing the other guy does sting a bit. But I'm basically ok with it. I'm able to think about things and understand that there is the way I wish things had turned out and there is reality. In light of it all, I think I'm doing pretty well. And even though some of the mistakes have been mine, I tried very hard to make things work. Things didn't work. I'm ready to move on.

As far as pursuing the "when I get back" situation today, it was almost completely due to my desire to be right in my assumptions. Poor decision on my part, sure. I'll admit it.

I did get a new phone with a new carrier and a new number. When she realized that she couldn't contact me by phone, she called my parents' house looking for me. That upset my parents. My mother's health isn't great and she doesn't deal with stress very well. My ex got my new number by accident. Again, my stupid fault. I needed to ask her something, I don't remember what it was, and I was too lazy to go to her place and ask her in person. Usually, I just put my phone on silent when I'm home and don't think about it until I go to bed. I check for missed calls and texts from other people. When I have messages from her, I delete them without reading them.

99% of the time, I don't allow myself to get wrapped up in the "what ifs" and the "whys". I focus on the positives I have in my life. My parents are always there for me, my friends are there to keep me propped up. I have a decent job, money in my pocket, air conditioning, a few nice toys, a stack of paid bills, a roof over my head, food in my fridge and cigarettes on my desk.

If she is truly happier with someone else, ok. I can positively say that, right now, I am happier on my own.

[Strike]

First, I think it interesting that you complain about her texting you, but when she did not, you then texted her repeatedly and even phoned her. Maybe you were just curious or maybe you needed to "know" that she was seeing him. If you have kids, you need to keep in touch with her, but if you do not, it is time to quit playing texting games.

My biggest advice is that you have to decide for yourself what you can live with in yourself. You have to be able to look yourself in the mirror. You have to decide for you. Do you personally have a problem with an individual dating someone while they are still married? And on behalf of all women- if you decide to date, be honest and tell the woman you are NOT divorced. She has the right to know because it may be something with which she is not comfortable.

Plus, I am curious. It has been 4 months since she moved out. Do you really intend to get a divorce? Were you considering trying again with her before you thought she was seeing this guy? Are you looking for that final push to file?

On the first point. I totally agree.

On the second, I'm happy with where my life is right now and where it seems to be leading. With the exception of the dark circles around my eyes (a product of the night shift), I like the dude looking back at me. When I decided it was over, I decided that if she wants to continue seeing the guy, or someone else, I wasn't going to try and stop it. And I haven't. My only problem is her hypocrisy. If she's going to see other people, then accuse me of cheating and getting mad when she thinks I'm with someone, I call bullshit.

On the final, the reason why I've yet to file for divorce is simple. Financial. I'm broke. I'm already divorced in my own mind. I just need the funds to make it legal and official. And, like I said in my previous post, I'm not going to attempt to see anyone or pursue a relationship right now. I just don't feel any desire or need to do so at this time.

[Strike]

Oh and as for your question... I don't think you are "wrong" but you have to really stop caring if she's still seeing the guy or not. After she said texted about when she "gets back", you should have just left it alone instead of trying to continue contacting her.

Agreed. Mental blunder on my part.

[TheProfessor]

On the final, the reason why I've yet to file for divorce is simple. Financial. I'm broke. I'm already divorced in my own mind. I just need the funds to make it legal and official. And, like I said in my previous post, I'm not going to attempt to see anyone or pursue a relationship right now. I just don't feel any desire or need to do so at this time.
Checked the Oregon State Bar page, apparently they offer a summary dissolution option in Oregon for simple cases. If your wife is amenable, you could probably get it done for just filing fees and court costs.

[Strike]

dont take her back man

i know most of the time the victim doesnt give a shit if he really loves her, and in a world of their own where others opinion dont matter, but you will have to live with the thought ur wife cheating on you and someone has inserted their dick in ur belonging many times.

would you be ashame going back with ur ex? since maybe most of ur friends, family would disowned you in a private manner behind ur back without telling you....shame shame shame

i think its different POV from a guy than girl, whichever gender was in the wrong....

Not going to. We were seperated twice before. The first wasn't related to infidelity. The second one was. Both times I thought I could deal with the issues and make things work. I tried. Maybe I tried harder than she did, maybe not. Whatever. I wasn't ready to admit that the issues in the marriage couldn't be resolved. Things are different now. I made my final decision and I am able to live with it.

[TDMVPDPOY]

hey if you lookn for a new relationship....

tlong sister in law needs a green card....

[leemajors]

First of all, you need to go to Mexico and check out the donkey show. After you get back home, sit on the couch and watch the entire Back to the Future trilogy. Next, go to Taco Bell and grab a couple beef and potato burritos.

Problem solved. It's just that simple.

volcano nachos

[Strike]

Checked the Oregon State Bar page, apparently they offer a summary dissolution option in Oregon for simple cases. If your wife is amenable, you could probably get it done for just filing fees and court costs.

Thanks for checking that. I'll do more research in the morning. Also, my mom just called a few minutes ago and told me she a has a card for a lawyer she's going to give me. The lawyer's wife is a member of my mom's church. I'm calling that dude on Monday.

[Strike]

hey if you lookn for a new relationship....

tlong sister in law needs a green card....

http://tit-rating.com/NoFatChicks.jpg

[TheProfessor]

Thanks for checking that. I'll do more research in the morning. Also, my mom just called a few minutes ago and told me she a has a card for a lawyer she's going to give me. The lawyer's wife is a member of my mom's church. I'm calling that dude on Monday.
I think that's a good idea. Get things moving, you'll feel better if you're not stuck in quasi-married limbo. And she needs to realize this is over and she can't keep jerking you around.

[Strike]

Thanks for the advice and opinions. I wasn't looking for validation. The congratulatory high fives and hand shakes I got from friends and family were enough.

There are no right or wrong opinions, although the whole donkey show, back to the future, taco bell thing was a bit disturbing. I was just looking for a little advice. The whole "quasi-married limbo" as Professor put it is getting tired.


Another person helped by the people at SpursTalk. :toast

[TDMVPDPOY]

hey dude if you need a lawyer....contact this guy

http://www.iphoneworld.ca/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/iphone-attorney.gif

[Strike]

hey dude if you need a lawyer....contact this guy

http://www.iphoneworld.ca/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/iphone-attorney.gif

Great idea. I'll end up in jail!

[TDMVPDPOY]

hey if ur on the rebound, maybe you should hang out with one of the posters on here....who hang around with young single moms....

[Goran Dragic]

Of course you're allowed to see other women, you're marriage is over for all intensive purposes.

[Greg Oden]

I can hook you up with a lot of fine chickens from the Portland area :toast

[Strike]

hey if ur on the rebound, maybe you should hang out with one of the posters on here....who hang around with young single moms....

No single moms.

[Jules]

You appear to have a sound handle on the situation. I suggest acting swiftly on filing for divorce, as it appears there isn't a need to further try nor reconcile. Good luck to you.

[TDMVPDPOY]

so atm ur not interested in chicks, single moms....


how about ladyboys?

[The Franchise]

Man you are long overdue for a new adventure. You don't have to be in a relationship to have relations.

[holcs50]

So here's the deal. My wife moved out of my place April 8th. I told her I wanted a divorce because of infidelity on her part. Since the day she moved out, she has called and texted me every day telling me how much she wants me back, how much she still loves me, etc. Most of the time, I just ignore the texts. When I ignore her, she starts to get paranoid and asks me if I'm seeing someone. Then it goes into full on accusations of me "cheating" on her. For the record, I'm not seeing anyone. I haven't seen anyone since she moved out. I never cheated, never screwed around, whatever. So her accusations are completely baseless. When I finally text her back, everything's back to normal. An interesting recurring thing we kind of have. I would just change my number but she'll call my parents' house looking for me, causing me more drama than I care to deal with. So I just let her text me endlessly and tune it out.

Of all the many things she continuously tells me, one is that she doesn't want "the guy" with whom she cheated. Says it nearly every day. Well, I got home from work this morning and hadn't received any texts. I usually do before I get home. Didn't think anything of it. As the day progressed, still nothing. Started to notice the oddity of my silent phone. So I popped off a text around 3:30 simply saying "u ok?" She replied and asked to see me when she "gets back". Hmm, that's weird. She never goes anywhere. I inquired, she ignored. I continued to inquire, she continued to ignore. I called her phone. Straight to voicemail.

Ok. She's now avoiding me. She never avoids me. EXCEPT when she's with "the guy". Now I know what she's doing. Keep in mind, I no longer care if she sees "the guy". I no longer want her so as far as I'm concerned, she's free to do what she wishes. I'd just like her to act like an adult and just tell me straight up. After nearly 10 years of marriage, I don't think I'm asking for something unreasonable. And the fact that she repeatedly accuses me of having an affair annoys me a bit since she's obviously being just a tad hypocritical.

So, as far as I see it, I'm free to see other women since she's back to/still seeing "the guy". She wouldn't be able to say peep about since hasn't a leg to stand on. I know she'll get mad if I start dating but I really don't care. As long as she's doing what she's doing, I'm free to do the same.

Am I wrong here?

alright bud, just compelled to read this story. Here's an unmarried mans advice who has seen a lot of relationships but been thru few that have lasted more than say 6 months. Be warned, lol.

Alright i read the first few sentences that your wife moved out because of HER infidelity. Lets remember that here!

The next part i can relate to, a girl wants you back-she made a mistake-of course she texts you all the time-and i bet you were like=see a text, whatever-ill deal with that later. Right or wrong? Cuz on a more basic level a chick would always text me who i didn't like but we hooked up, but she didn't get the point so kept on doing it and doing it and when i wouldn't respond for awhile she'd be like "oh you have a new girl", lmfaoooo. I was like wait were not together, your crazy, and i only hooked up with u drunk. But i digress. Your on a diff level

on the accusations, why didn't you just say "what, who is the ones fault we are at where were at". I believe what you say you didn't do anything after she moved out but that wouldn't be cheating imo, your wife started that, remember, SHE broke the vows. You owed her nothing at that point.

Now onto the getting home and texting her, c'mon, you know she's shady, she's moved out, text u all the time, it seemed like a comfort thing for you , right? to here her saying im sorry and shit like that? Bro, F her she's playin with ya, i know you were married to her and care for her deeply but you should never text her and should be onto your own thing.

She owes u honest explanations, but a woman who cheats while living with you , then moves out and acts all weird is exactly a woman who id expect to give me a lie. Shes shady, you know that don't convince yourself otherwise, remember the first few sentences-she cheated.

But, the question is do you still love her, from your post it seems as though you have moved on, but is that really how you feel? If it is, yes go to a strip club immediately, go to a bar, start meeting women there's a ton of ladies out there-but if you still love her, your going to have to talk this out with her and come to some type of peace, agreement, whatever. Hopefully your done with her, sounds like a shitty situation, sorry to here it man, but you can move on. IDK if that all made senese, kind of buzzed, but good luck, things will work out!

[ploto]

The fact that I haven't sought out new companionship is not because of any attachment to her. I just have no desire to be in any kind of relationship right now.
I know I am in the minority here, but I wish more people would take some time when a long-term relationship ends and be alone to sort through things and deal with things. It is healthy that you can do this. Good luck.

As to the hypocrisy, it has been my observation that people who accuse you of cheating are cheating themselves.

[j-6]

She doesn't want the car and she doesn't have a driver's license anyway.

How good of a job/career can someone have without a license, if any? Good riddance.

[lebomb]

Same thing happened to me stike........wife was cheating.......filed for divorce, she bothered the shit outta me from then on. She really got pissed when I started dating. She said......... "well if I cheated, then you cheated too, because our divorce isnt final yet"..........Fuckin psycho babble bullshit. Anyhow, my EX didnt leave me alone until she got remarried. Bothered the hell out of my new wife and I. Callin all times of night and shit. Anyhow, the cheater always freaks out when they are busted, and their spouse throws in the towel and moves on with their life. Expect her to be a bitch until she actually gets remarried. Hopefully you dont have kids...........sounds like you dont. That will be a much cleaner break. I have to see my EX biatch every other week. Fuckin BITCH!!!! Anyhow, I dont hate her anymore. :wakeup

[Strike]

so atm ur not interested in chicks, single moms....


how about ladyboys?

Has nothing to do with being interested in chicks. I'm not interested in dating or being in a relationship. A random hookup would be cool but I'm not looking for anything right now. I'm happy being by myself right now.

And no single moms because I don't want to have to deal with/hear about someone's kid.

[Goran Dragic]

Just be happy you're not my parents who took 5 years to agree to a divorce once they separated. Those were a rough 5 years :lol

[Das Texan]

Oh and as for your question... I don't think you are "wrong" but you have to really stop caring if she's still seeing the guy or not. After she said texted about when she "gets back", you should have just left it alone instead of trying to continue contacting her.


unless its for evidence in the legal proceedings. ;)

[Strike]

Just be happy you're not my parents who took 5 years to agree to a divorce once they separated. Those were a rough 5 years :lol

That sucks. Knowing my ex, she'll get served with the papers, freak out and try to avoid the whole thing. Good for me since the divorce goes through if she doesn't respond or contest it within 30 days.

[Strike]

unless its for evidence in the legal proceedings. ;)

Wasn't the point at the time but I did save the texts where she told me she was with the guy a few days ago.

[Goran Dragic]

That sucks. Knowing my ex, she'll get served with the papers, freak out and try to avoid the whole thing. Good for me since the divorce goes through if she doesn't respond or contest it within 30 days.


Just be glad you don't have kids with her. Almost all divorces that get really ugly and start getting expensive are because of kids.

[CosmicCowboy]

Strike, if you live in Texas and have no kids go for it Brah. Screw her Mamma, her sister, whomever. She's still going to get 1/2 of what ever you aquired together in the last ten years, debts included!!! If you do have kids, Keep your "Johnny Joe" clean, cuz if she gets custody, she'll run you over! :(



That's your answer right there.

[Strike]

That's your answer right there.

No, actually. I live in Oregon, not Texas. Oregon is a "no fault" state but not a community property state. And there's nothing of any value to split up, anyway.

[marini martini]

Sounds like your on the ball, Strike!!! Good luck to you, man!:toast

[Fabbs]

Strike,
Please tell us you have contacted an Oregon atty who can tell you what the exact laws are in Your City, OR.

[Strike]

I'm making that call tomorrow.

[Clandestino]

basically, you don't want another chick bc you still want your wife. that's why you miss her texts and proceeded to call. just go out and fuck random chicks left and right... you wont forget about her, but it sure will help your self-esteem and pass the time. moping by yourself won't do anything for you except leave you to think about her. only time will take the sting away.

[Strike]

If I still wanted my wife, I wouldn't have kicked her out. I moved out 2 previous times in our marriage and moved back because I still wanted her.

[jack sommerset]

Next, go to Taco Bell and grab a couple beef and potato burritos.

Taco Bueno potato burrito destroys Bells.

[The Franchise]

If I still wanted my wife, I wouldn't have kicked her out. I moved out 2 previous times in our marriage and moved back because I still wanted her.

You kicked her out because of anger, but you responded to her pages out of jealousy. Part of you still wants her.

[lebomb]

The easiest way to get over some one .................... is to find some one else.

[Strike]

You kicked her out because of anger, but you responded to her pages out of jealousy. Part of you still wants her.

Wrong again. I told her in September I wanted a divorce and wanted her to move out. She didn't move out until the following April. From September until April, I slept on the couch in my TV room while she continued to sleep in the bedroom. It wasn't a case of me getting angry and throwing her out on the street. I let her stay until she had her own place to move to. When she moved out, I didn't deny her anything she wanted to take. She tried to leave a few things she wanted because she didn't want me to not have anything. I told her if she wanted it, it was hers.

Understand something. I've been dealing with these issues for a couple of years. Much longer than any man or woman should. The whole reason why I wanted a divorce was based on a choice she made. I caught her making plans with the guy and told her straight out: She could cancel the plans, cut off all contact with him, and I would be willing to work with her to get our marriage back on track. Or she could go see him, and it would be over. I put the fate of our marriage in her hands. She chose the latter. I told her I wanted a divorce and it would be best for her to move out. I gave her as much time as she needed to find a place, pack her stuff, and move out. I was satisfied with the way I dealt with it and I'm still satisfied today.

And actually, I talked to her today. I didn't even try to get in touch with her. She came to me. She told me where she had been and who she had been with. We sat down and talked for about an hour. In that time, I told her she is free to do what she wants as long as she understands that I will do what I want. I also told her that I will file for divorce in a couple months after I clear a few unavoidable expenses and take care of a few things. She agreed that a quick, clean divorce will be fine. She won't fight it and she won't try to get anything from me. Whether or not that is true, I don't know. But I will be prepared for it if or when it happens.

Even when she came clean about the past couple of days, and she gave details, I felt no anger or jealousy. I was happy she was open and honest with me. Something she hadn't been while we were still together. Doesn't change my mind about anything, though. It was just refreshing to get that for once.

I still care about her, yes. but I no longer want to be with her or married to her.

[Big P]

Good luck bro.

[Strike]

Thanks. Seems to be getting better every day.

[Spursmania]

Thanks. Seems to be getting better every day.

Good luck strike. You're still young and I'm sure marriage taught you a few things, and you are much more wise and mature for going through all the things you have gone through. You are probably a better person for it but just may not know it yet. The best is yet to come, so be patient.

I would file for a divorce as soon as possible, so you can close this chapter of your life. It seems like a cut and dry divorce, especially if you have no children. PM me if you would like a name or two of family law lawyers who might be able to help you.:toast

[TDMVPDPOY]

eric bennett - luv dont luv me

listen to it man...

[SpursStalker]

So, as far as I see it, I'm free to see other women since she's back to/still seeing "the guy". She wouldn't be able to say peep about since hasn't a leg to stand on. I know she'll get mad if I start dating but I really don't care. As long as she's doing what she's doing, I'm free to do the same.

Am I wrong here?

As far as I see ...

You've been free to see anyone you want.

:tu

[JudynTX]

I am so glad I don't have to worry about stuff like this.

[Strike]

Good luck strike. You're still young and I'm sure marriage taught you a few things, and you are much more wise and mature for going through all the things you have gone through. You are probably a better person for it but just may not know it yet. The best is yet to come, so be patient.

I would file for a divorce as soon as possible, so you can close this chapter of your life. It seems like a cut and dry divorce, especially if you have no children. PM me if you would like a name or two of family law lawyers who might be able to help you.:toast

I have a few financial commitments that can't be put off so once those are taken care of, It's on.


As far as I see ...

You've been free to see anyone you want.

:tu

Yup. For right now, I have my own personal shit to deal with and fix so I'm not gonna get involved with anyone.

[TDMVPDPOY]

did you get a gag order on her?

when i mean gag

you "GAG" that nao

[mrsmaalox]

Well Strike, I think you've handled it all as well as can be expected. You stayed thru some pretty tough times, worked with her and the marriage, made a sincere effort to salvage it all. It's easy for people to say "you must still want her, you should have left the bitch a long time ago, etc", but you know that a marriage is about so much more than the sex and/or sexual trust. There are too many connections at too many different levels to let one mishandling decide the fate of a marriage. You did the right thing by putting the ultimate decisions in her hands, you gave it your all, now you can break free knowing you did everything in your power to save what was left and she wouldn't help you. You are free to walk away with your clear conscience and be happy. You deserve it :toast

[Strike]

Well Strike, I think you've handled it all as well as can be expected. You stayed thru some pretty tough times, worked with her and the marriage, made a sincere effort to salvage it all. It's easy for people to say "you must still want her, you should have left the bitch a long time ago, etc", but you know that a marriage is about so much more than the sex and/or sexual trust. There are too many connections at too many different levels to let one mishandling decide the fate of a marriage. You did the right thing by putting the ultimate decisions in her hands, you gave it your all, now you can break free knowing you did everything in your power to save what was left and she wouldn't help you. You are free to walk away with your clear conscience and be happy. You deserve it :toast

See this? Everyone? See this quote? This is someone who actually gets it.

[SpursStalker]

Yup. For right now, I have my own personal shit to deal with and fix so I'm not gonna get involved with anyone.

I can relate, it took me a good yr after my divorce to get my shit together enough to get back out there ...

Let me know if I can help ya!

[TDMVPDPOY]

4 pages

post pic of ex-wife yo

so we can avoid it

[weebo]

You said this was going on since Sept. and she moved out in April? Why didn't you move out? And what's this about putting "the fate of [your] marriage" on her!? She cheated on you...that's relationship suicide. You trusting her to do the right thing is your fault, brutha. How convenient for her that you took her feelings into consideration too bad for you she didn't reciprocate.

Advice is easy to give but so hard to follow, but in all honesty, you need to grow a pair. If no kids are involved, you should have no contact with this ho unless its for any legal matter. Don't make yourself be her emotional crutch when she's feeling sad or lonely or bored. You're her plan B...her fall back option if things don't work out with the new guy. So stop all contact.

Right now time is both your friend and enemy, but even in times of defeat you keep your head up. Soon things will get better. And the best thing you can do to pay her back is to move on and have a better life than you had with her.

To sum things up: just be a fuckin man.

Best of luck brutha.

[batman2883]

oh and as for your question... I don't think you are "wrong" but you have to really stop caring if she's still seeing the guy or not. After she said texted about when she "gets back", you should have just left it alone instead of trying to continue contacting her.

words of wisdom from a woman who knows how to type

[ploto]

You gave it your all, now you can break free knowing you did everything in your power to save what was left and she wouldn't help you. You are free to walk away with your clear conscience and be happy.

Amen.

Thanks for reminding of the person who told me the exact same thing.

[ploto]

words of wisdom from a woman who knows how to type

I think he simply wanted confirmation of his suspicion.

One of the hardest things of which to let go is wanting to know the truth. I believe that it is the least we all deserve, but sometimes you have to accept that you just will never know and let it go. It's not easy, especially if you are someone who lives with integrity and veracity.

[Crookshanks]

I did my divorce myself and it cost me $100. The ex paid $100 also - the fees were just court costs. I did the papers online and filed and then just had to wait the required 60 days. Since you have no children and no property to split - I'd try to do it yourself and not pay a lawyer.

And you're wise to wait to get into another relationship. They say it takes an average of 2 years to heal emotionally - and it's not fair to another woman to be the rebound hook-up. Take the time for reflection and introspection - because even though she's the one who cheated, there were probably underlying causes that led to it. Make sure you come to terms with whatever you did to contribute to the failure of your marriage and you'll have a much better chance of having a successful relationship the next time around. Good luck!

[I. Hustle]

I did my divorce myself and it cost me $100. The ex paid $100 also - the fees were just court costs. I did the papers online and filed and then just had to wait the required 60 days. Since you have no children and no property to split - I'd try to do it yourself and not pay a lawyer.

And you're wise to wait to get into another relationship. They say it takes an average of 2 years to heal emotionally - and it's not fair to another woman to be the rebound hook-up. Take the time for reflection and introspection - because even though she's the one who cheated, there were probably underlying causes that led to it. Make sure you come to terms with whatever you did to contribute to the failure of your marriage and you'll have a much better chance of having a successful relationship the next time around. Good luck!

Yes and no.

Yes do it yourself. I saved so much by doing it all online. The bitch signed then after it was notarized she noticed that she didn't make out as good as she thought.

NO you didn't necessarily contribute to the "failure of your marriage". That is some bs from a guy who doesn't know either of you. Sometimes one person isn't as ready as they thought they were. So f that shit. I know that from experience.

[Strike]

Yes and no.

Yes do it yourself. I saved so much by doing it all online. The bitch signed then after it was notarized she noticed that she didn't make out as good as she thought.

NO you didn't necessarily contribute to the "failure of your marriage". That is some bs from a guy who doesn't know either of you. Sometimes one person isn't as ready as they thought they were. So f that shit. I know that from experience.

Once again, someone who gets it. Thanx man.

[ploto]

You didn't necessarily contribute to the "failure of your marriage."
One thing I hope you have learned is that if you do not want kids, you need to make this obviously aware up front. If you changed your mind part of the way into the marriage, then you do hold responsibility for that. It does not make it right for her to cheat, but I would suppose it contributed to the dissolution of your marriage.

[SpursStalker]

It's amazing how many disagree with your decision, when they dont actually live in your shoes ...

Only you can know and do what is best for YOU ...

You shouldn't feel the need to defend your actions to anyone!

[JudynTX]

It's amazing how many disagree with your decision, when they dont actually live in your shoes ...

Only you can know and do what is best for YOU ...

You shouldn't feel the need to defend your actions to anyone!

Well it is a message board. :lol

[SpursStalker]

Well it is a message board. :lol

:wow

Say it isn't so !!!!!

[chode_regulator]

Only read the first page but my question is
Even though she cheated and is causing the marriage to fail, she still gets half automatically? What the FUCK is that about?
I hate how women want all these equal rights and shit and blah blah blah and then still just get handed shit. I'm not saying she should be out in the cold (heat in texas case) on the streets but to just get half automatically is fucking retarded

To the OP, I don't know anything about divorces but it would seem better if you kept it in your pants until at least the divorce proceedings start.

[ploto]

I hate how women want all these equal rights and shit and blah blah blah and then still just get handed shit. I'm not saying she should be out in the cold (heat in texas case) on the streets but to just get half automatically is fucking retarded.

You realize there are women (some on this board) who make more money than their husband, and he still owns half.

[Chingo Bling]

Che saw my bling and wanted my chorizo. I'm sorry bro but if it helps... I don't love them hoes.

[Fabbs]

Strike,
Please tell us you have contacted an Oregon atty who can tell you what the exact laws are in Your City, OR.


I'm making that call tomorrow.
All due respect, not trying to add to your grief/relief efforts.....

You've been listening to Tom Liekiss for years and are just now seeing exactly where you stand legally? :wow

[Strike]

All due respect, not trying to add to your grief/relief efforts.....

You've been listening to Tom Leykis for years and are just now seeing exactly where you stand legally? :wow

Had to fix that. It's just my way. Anyway:

Yup. But like I said in an earlier post, I let her take whatever she wanted when she moved out. Not just for legal reasons, but for personal ones as well.

Let me elaborate...

When we first got married, we had nothing. We lived in a crappy apartment, with crappy stuff. We didn't even have a car. After 9 years of marriage, we still didn't have much. But we both had an equal stake in things. There were times when I was out of work and she picked up my slack. There were times when I worked two jobs and she stayed home. If I had done all the earning and she'd done all the spending, I wouldn't have been so generous. But it wasn't like that. We both supported each other at different times. And other times, we supported each other simultaneously. So for me to just say "you cheated, you get nothing" would have been unfair in my opinion.

Even though she cheated on me, I'm not completely innocent. I did, in some ways, contribute to, how they say "pushed her away". I've been emotionally distant or whatever you want to call it, I've said things and acted in ways that were unhealthy for a relationship, I've been, at times, controlling and demanding, you get the idea. And I also took her back once after she cheated on me. That, in hindsight, set the precedent that she could go outside the marriage and I would still forgive her. I've made as many mistakes, if not more, than she has to get to this point.

I'm man enough to take responsibility for my part in all of it. I've definitely done stupid/immature/childish/obsessive things since April. Some out of bitterness, some out of a need to make sense of things, others out of plain and simple ego. But, in that time, I've also gained perspective and, in some amount, peace of mind. Now I'm just taking things a day at a time and doing what I can to make things as smooth as possible for both of us. Sure, I could rake her over the coals but what would that really accomplish? It might make me feel a little better for a minute but the end result would be the same. We'll still be divorced.

One last thing, I called the lawyer my mom referred. He's on vacation this week. So I'll call again next Monday.

[Strike]

Che saw my bling and wanted my chorizo. I'm sorry bro but if it helps... I don't love them hoes.

It's all good, meng.

[760Spursfan]

Good luck bro, it sounds to me that you care about her more than you say you do. If she has done it more than once then it may never change and you are doing the right thing by getting a divorce. Once again, good luck

[Strike]

Good luck bro, it sounds to me that you care about her more than you say you do. If she has done it more than once then it may never change and you are doing the right thing by getting a divorce. Once again, good luck

Of course I still care about her to a point. I care that she is happy and able to move on. I care that she's safe. I don't want her but I don't want bad things for her either.

[Crookshanks]

Had to fix that. It's just my way. Anyway:

Yup. But like I said in an earlier post, I let her take whatever she wanted when she moved out. Not just for legal reasons, but for personal ones as well.

Let me elaborate...

When we first got married, we had nothing. We lived in a crappy apartment, with crappy stuff. We didn't even have a car. After 9 years of marriage, we still didn't have much. But we both had an equal stake in things. There were times when I was out of work and she picked up my slack. There were times when I worked two jobs and she stayed home. If I had done all the earning and she'd done all the spending, I wouldn't have been so generous. But it wasn't like that. We both supported each other at different times. And other times, we supported each other simultaneously. So for me to just say "you cheated, you get nothing" would have been unfair in my opinion.

Even though she cheated on me, I'm not completely innocent. I did, in some ways, contribute to, how they say "pushed her away". I've been emotionally distant or whatever you want to call it, I've said things and acted in ways that were unhealthy for a relationship, I've been, at times, controlling and demanding, you get the idea. And I also took her back once after she cheated on me. That, in hindsight, set the precedent that she could go outside the marriage and I would still forgive her. I've made as many mistakes, if not more, than she has to get to this point.

I'm man enough to take responsibility for my part in all of it. I've definitely done stupid/immature/childish/obsessive things since April. Some out of bitterness, some out of a need to make sense of things, others out of plain and simple ego. But, in that time, I've also gained perspective and, in some amount, peace of mind. Now I'm just taking things a day at a time and doing what I can to make things as smooth as possible for both of us. Sure, I could rake her over the coals but what would that really accomplish? It might make me feel a little better for a minute but the end result would be the same. We'll still be divorced.

One last thing, I called the lawyer my mom referred. He's on vacation this week. So I'll call again next Monday.
Sounds to me like you've done what you needed to do and are being a very decent man about all this. And the fact that you admitted your part in the failure in the marriage says a lot - so you should be proud of yourself for how far you've come. It will take some time to completely heal emotionally from this, but you'll make it and hopefully you'll meet a nice woman who is more compatible with you and doesn't have a problem with not having children.

GOOD LUCK!!

[Clandestino]

you sound like a fucking pussy... no stable job, took her back after she cheated.. now, you're more than blaming yourself.. pathetic...

SACK UP... and go bang some hos. next time don't be such a pussy and they won't go looking for dick elsewhere.

[PuttPutt]

Of course I still care about her to a point. I care that she is happy and able to move on. I care that she's safe. I don't want her but I don't want bad things for her either.


You invested 10 years or more with this woman. Of course you care about her to some degree. It shows me that you are a pretty cool dude. I was that same way with an ex girlfriend, but I didn't invest as much time as you have. Good luck with your situation.

[lebomb]

Had to fix that. It's just my way. Anyway:

Yup. But like I said in an earlier post, I let her take whatever she wanted when she moved out. Not just for legal reasons, but for personal ones as well.

Let me elaborate...

When we first got married, we had nothing. We lived in a crappy apartment, with crappy stuff. We didn't even have a car. After 9 years of marriage, we still didn't have much. But we both had an equal stake in things. There were times when I was out of work and she picked up my slack. There were times when I worked two jobs and she stayed home. If I had done all the earning and she'd done all the spending, I wouldn't have been so generous. But it wasn't like that. We both supported each other at different times. And other times, we supported each other simultaneously. So for me to just say "you cheated, you get nothing" would have been unfair in my opinion.

Even though she cheated on me, I'm not completely innocent. I did, in some ways, contribute to, how they say "pushed her away". I've been emotionally distant or whatever you want to call it, I've said things and acted in ways that were unhealthy for a relationship, I've been, at times, controlling and demanding, you get the idea. And I also took her back once after she cheated on me. That, in hindsight, set the precedent that she could go outside the marriage and I would still forgive her. I've made as many mistakes, if not more, than she has to get to this point.

I'm man enough to take responsibility for my part in all of it. I've definitely done stupid/immature/childish/obsessive things since April. Some out of bitterness, some out of a need to make sense of things, others out of plain and simple ego. But, in that time, I've also gained perspective and, in some amount, peace of mind. Now I'm just taking things a day at a time and doing what I can to make things as smooth as possible for both of us. Sure, I could rake her over the coals but what would that really accomplish? It might make me feel a little better for a minute but the end result would be the same. We'll still be divorced.

One last thing, I called the lawyer my mom referred. He's on vacation this week. So I'll call again next Monday.

Everything you stated BESIDES the cheating............is normal to most marriages. People need to deal with the every day drama that will occur in marriages. When things get rough, going outside the marriage and cheating isnt the way to solve it. If two people cannot get along and respect one another, see a marriage counselor..........or in the very worst case divorce. Cheating will not solve the problem. Like you said, you forgave her the first time, so she knew in her mind that you would take her back. I am familiar with repeat offenders.............my EX did it to me twice, as well as my bro inlaw and current wife by her EX. They all figured "shit, I fucked around and I was forgiven"?...........Im gonna let this shit die down and fuck around again!!!!! What a deal!!! :toast

[koriwhat]

stop being a pussy and truly end it already!