Need relationship advice

[MiamiHeat]

Is she just depressed and will be ok?

It's hard for me too because I miss her. I miss laughing together, being happy together. It's been almost 2 weeks now.

I really want to fix it

[MiamiHeat]

14 views
0 replies!

[PM5K]

You're fucking kidding right?

Please tell me your six year relationship isn't over because of cold pizza.

First of all you have to tell us everything or nothing, there must be something missing because nobody breaks up a six year relationship because it took 25 extra minutes to heat up pizza.

Where exactly did she go to heat up the pizza?

Also, you have to understand that shit happens, sometimes you go to take a piss and realize some shit needs to come out too and it takes longer, same thing with anything else, she got a call and was on the phone with her mother, get the fuck over it and realize the world doesn't revolve around you, you're far too old to have that type of attitude, you should have been comforting her and supporting her while she was upset over arguing with her mother.

Either that or she's banging other guys already...

[exstatic]

She's depressed. You can't fix it, or help, other than getting her to seek some counseling. She needs therapy and possibly pharmaceuticals.

[balli]

6 years and 8 months in jeopardy because of one fight over cold pizza and a 25 minute time discrepancy?

You're fucking kidding right?
Suck it up and admit to being narcissist and an asshole and apologize for saying you lost faith in her because she was 25 minutes late.

[mrsmaalox]

Okay let's see if I've got this right. This entire "problem" happened because she was going to take 20 minutes to warm up some pizza, to which you told her you lost faith in her and now she's depressed? If that's all there really is to it then my advice is "don't worry everything will be just fine". You are a bit narcissistic and she has no self-esteem: It's a match made in heaven :tu

[PM5K]

Okay let's see if I've got this right. This entire "problem" happened because she was going to take 20 minutes to warm up some pizza, to which you told her you lost faith in her and now she's depressed? If that's all there really is to it then my advice is "don't worry everything will be just fine". You are a bit narcissistic and she has no self-esteem: It's a match made in heaven :tu

I don't agree at all.

[mrsmaalox]

I don't agree at all.

Oh I know! I suppose I shouldn't be so sarcastic about matters concerning people's feelings, but if that really is exactly how this all went down, then I'm just wanting to point out that the issues in the relationship are far too pathological to be addressed by anyone other than a professional.

[Shelly]

She's depressed. You can't fix it, or help, other than getting her to seek some counseling. She needs therapy and possibly pharmaceuticals.

I agree. And she says she has no energy, which I believe is a symptom of depression.

[timvp]

Either that or she's banging other guys already...


she says it feels black

[mrcoon29]

14 views
0 replies!

You know..some people prefer to reheat pizza in the oven not the microwave (crust doesn't harden up when using the oven)..so 20-25 minutes is actually not enough time to reheat pizza. Your girl lied to you...that is the problem.

[Twisted_Dawg]

This whole thing sounds odd. Is there any chance she is seeing someone else on the side? It sure has some of the characteristics.

[Whisky Dog]

If this is legit there is obviously something seriously wrong. She probably isn't in love with u anymore but is using u as a security blanket because she's too afraid to end it and be alone. Do yourself a favor - end it and move on. Learn some game and how to meet and date women off cold approaches in your every day life. You'll be a lot happier in the long run.

[Trainwreck2100]

.........yo holmes to bel air

[Shastafarian]

Oh man Timvp won this thread and no one has acknowledged it. Well done sir.

[MaNuMaNiAc]

You're an idiot. The fuck are you getting all bent out of shape for a 25 minute delay? You lost faith in her? Give me a break. I hope she leaves your ass for being a jackass.

by the way, there is no ambiguity here. You're the one in the wrong. Apologize. Period.

[Bender]

before I got thru the first paragraph, I thought "this can't be real...".

when my wife are settled in to watch a rental DVD, sometimes she gets up and says she needs to do something real quick...

I don't see her for another 45min. or so... :sleep

[circ]

if she's thinking that she can't make you happy is it perhaps because you've debased her many a times? is that when she tries to hurt ya? for her to feel a sudden anxiousness and overly sensitive to your remarks. nobody likes to feel like everything they do is wrong. does it seem like she's taking a step back to re-evaluate the relationship? if that IS the way she feels and given the information in the post maybe you should take a step back and look at the ways you've wronged her, if any, and sincerely make amends. that is, not fake it and stay the same "jackass." and if she can't take comfort in the person she's been with for 6 years after having an argument with her mother, I can't imagine who she's going to turn to....

[bendmz]

Buddy, if after six years you guys are going thru simple shit like this,seems to me someone is sampling the "MENU".....outside.....:lmao

[Whisky Dog]

Wow no wonder so many guys are in miserable relationships. Lots of BS in here

[Last Comic Standing]

I went to the site you got your story from this one is better!

Really hurt and heart broken.?
My heart is really broken i was with girl for 9 months and i am inlove with her and we broke up.I dont get it.We been fighting and everything. Last week we got back together and she broke up with me mins later for no reason. she told me she really does love me. two days ago i was really heart broken in school so one of my friends thats a girl text her and said what going on and that i really heart broken and stuff, the girl asked my ex if she loves me my ex said yes. the girl asked my ex if we are going to get back together she said idk, the girl asked me ask if shes moving on and my ex said no. i dont get it so when i got home i called her, my ex cussed me out said why u having random people texting me with her people and then my ex said i was going to get back with u today but forget it. i was really sad she says im too much drama.so we talked alittle more and she told me one of the guys she was talking to got mad at her bc all she does is talk about me .yesterday morning i called her before school and we talked and she was like last night i was on the phone till 12 am and i was talking to some guy and he asked me out and she said yes and when she said that it really broke my heart. so then i was like what about me she didnt answer. then i asked her if she thinks we will ever be together again and she said yes. then i asked her whats her feelings for me and she said i cant tell u bc she said its not right to the guys shes dating now bc she told me how would i like it if we was still together and she was talking to her ex and talking about how they could get back together and stuff and about there feeling for each other. she said it isnt right, then she said she wants to take advantage of different oppertuires, she said she wants to be with me but not now in the future, then she was like wheather or not i love my new guy or not im not going to go behide his back. please help me bc sometime i feel like killing myself bc i cant take this why would a girl do this to me. and then she tells me she had a dream we saw other people and it got her to appreatite me more, please help me what should i do. i mean the girl wanted to marry me wanted me to lose herself to me she wanted for me to get her pregant. i really do love her and its breaking my heart for whats happening. i was thinking about calling her and kicking her out of my life today but idk if she would miss me, the girl that helped me with this said girls dont relieze what they have untill they lose it and she was saying my ex maybe is trying to hold on to me bc she knows that i can always treat her right she also says my ex thinks im always gonna be here for her. Her parents just got seperated about a week ago shes having a hard time in school. I dont know what to do. She said the reason why she said yes to the boy is bc shes not tired of me but the problems and drama i have right now but i dont get why she would say that when she has drama herself.She said shes tired of getting involved with my drama she said prove to me that i can change and i want to be with her, I dont get it she told me a couple days ago that she does really love me. Can somebody help me. she also said she had a dream that we dated other people and it help her apperiate me more and yesterday she brought that up again, Do u think we will be together again do u think she still loves me?? please help me what u think i should do. Do u think we are really over

[Alex Jones]

How can someone who claims their is no God and man evolved from the monkey, and has said that human and feelings are bullshit, they are fake man made emotions,....... have a relationship, isn't that a contradiction?

[tlongII]

Sometimes threads are so stupid they shouldn't be replied to....



Fuck! What did I do?

[iggypop123]

its clear the end is near. hit it as many times as you can before its over

[WARRIORNATION]

order a fresh pizza for delivery, you cheap bastard. lol

[PM5K]

its clear the end is near. hit it as many times as you can before its over

And take pictures...

[ShoogarBear]

Dammit, timvp beat me to it.

[Nbadan]

What a narcissist....as long as you keep thinking in terms of you, you, you ..your never gonna be able to understand what she may be going through....sometimes couples need time apart to truly learn to appreciate each other...

[PM5K]

:king

[eisfeld]

You might want to talk with someone who understands the nature of depression about it. If it's a real depression then she surely needs professional help... a depression can end very very bad. If she is just sad, talk to her about her feelings, her life, her friends and work and whatever ... but remember, this is about her not about you.

[Bigzax]

just pray about it miamiheat.

[mouse]

Do you really want to know if she is the girl for you?

then try this..........

I'm sure a very intense Atheist like yourself has a few planet of the apes movies on dvd just watch a few with her while you wrap a banana skin around your cock as you explain to her their is no God. Trust me it works every time!

If she can somehow still give you head as you go into detail about how Jesus was just another homeless asshole who wanted his 15 minutes of fame and all the time the banana skin is still intact? you better marry this bioch before she meets Angel_luv :toast

[whottt]

Dude, you told her you lost faith in her because she was going to heat up a pizza.

Is it any wonder why she is depressed?


Being in a relationship with a bitch, or an asshole, will always cause you to be depressed, especially if you are trying to have some sort of positive relationship.


Thing is, some people don't consider it love unless it is accompanied by depression and misery.


Look on the brightside, if she wanted a healthy relationship, she wouldn't have stayed with you this long...probably the worst thing you could do now is stop being fucked in the head.


Most relationships are fucked up...you are fucked up, she is fucked up. Truth is, very few people actually want an unfucked up relationship, especially when they are young...



I see absolutely nothing to worry about.


And trust me, you are not one of those people in an unfucked up relationship...in an unfucked up relationship you would not tell someone you lost faith in them because they went to heat up a pizza.

As others have pointed out...you are somewhat narcissistic and she probably wants to change you, break through your impenetrable wall of self absorption, or win your approval, to prove her own self worth...I really don't think you have much to worry about. By all means, continue being fucked in the head, it is the way of the world.

[mouse]

Who knew Whottt would not spot a cut n paste job! look at the original post he forgot to edit one of the :

[TDMVPDPOY]

hows mr.ed doing...hit that horse now and quit

[Bukefal]

its probably some other reason why she is so depressed and she havnt told you, i dont believe its because of the pizza thing, it cant be. maybe give her some spacE?

[EricB]

thats one of the biggest dick head things I've ever heard to say to a woman.

You lost faith in her because of a pizza?

You need to be hit in the back of the head with a fucking 2x4.

[Summers]

The OP sounds like a joke, but on the off-chance, it's not, she sounds like she wants to break up with you but doesn't have the nerve to do it because she's depressed and is afraid of being lonely. If little shit like this causes a fight after 6 years, you'll never be happy with her. And, yeah, you sound like a jerk.

[IronMexican]

The OP is a lot stupider than I thought.

[sonic21]

as other said, you're a really fucked up person. you told her you lost faith in her because of a pizza, really?

[whottt]

Who knew Whottt would not spot a cut n paste job! look at the original post he forgot to edit one of the :

Nobody's perfect.

[jack sommerset]

Buy her a dildo.

[TDMVPDPOY]

his askn advice on a relationship involving his donkey

http://www.gift-clan.de/picture_library/Bin%20Laden%20fucking%20a%20donkey.jpg

[TDMVPDPOY]

i know why now, instead of wasting time, hit it and quit it

http://i28.tinypic.com/34zljiv.gif

[mouse]

Nobody's perfect.

Are you sure?

http://doodleplex.com/glassmaze/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/rice.cheney.bush.rumsfeld.jpeg

[Extra Stout]

It sounds like:

1) She is suffering from depression

and

2) She is suffering from depression because she has spent the last six years in a relationship with a controlling, emotionally abusive narcissist.

[whottt]

Buy her a dildo.

He is a dildo...obviously that's not the solution.

[whottt]

Are you sure?

http://doodleplex.com/glassmaze/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/rice.cheney.bush.rumsfeld.jpeg

Hmmm...someone doesn't understand my political views and thinks that they do.

[I. Hustle]

Don’t listen to them, I lose faith in bitches too when they take more than 7 minutes to heat up food. They are leaving out that she took another 20-25 minutes to talk to her mom. Look dude bitches be trippin’ but the good thing is you got one with low self esteem. I say tag her while she is depressed and crying and use her tears as lube then stick it in her pooper. She needs to realize that you were ready to watch McGuyver or Alf or whatever and that women were put here to take care of our needs. If she had any brains in her head she would have had that pizza heated up and ready to go before the show was coming on.
Either way I think you need to take some time out and spend some time alone. Go to your parents place and chill in their basement and play guitar hero. Then after awhile just for the fun of it steal your parents’ van and come back and yell and cuss at them. Then after they kick you out scratch up your face with your fingernails and use the blood as lube to whack off with. Trust me it works every time.

[MiamiHeat]

I apologized DURING the problem that night.

[MiamiHeat]

yup

[I. Hustle]

You emo puss. You need to drop shit that happened when you were teenagers. Do you use that double dildo thing when you two have sex for both your vaginas?

[LnGrrrR]

Ok, so. On August 25, the love of my life and I had a little problem. Basically, what happened was the following : we were getting ready to watch something together, we had it all set up. She said she was going to go get some pizza (previous home-delivery) and re-heat it. I said ok, how long will you be, she said about 20 minutes. I said, "that long to re-heat pizza?" and she got a little nervous and felt bad about it. I told her it was ok, it's fine, just seemed a little long. She said "i'll just stay" and I told her not to, just go, it's fine. So then I waited for her in front of the TV for 45 minutes. She said her mother had made a sudden call to her and was arguing with her about something. She said she was also a little sad about the previous discussion (about me saying "20mins?")..... Neither of us yell or cuss, but I did get upset. I got sad and told her I lost faith in her (yes I need to watch what I say to loved ones, there's a little history here about tardiness and trust though) and she got really sad about it. Since then, she has been horribly depressed. Since Aug. 25 she has been depressed.

I ask her if she still loves me, she says yes, with all of her heart.
I ask her if she still wants to try, she says yes.
I ask if she still wants to be with me and have a life with me, she says yes.

Yet, she says her heart is sad, she says it feels black and she doesn't have the energy to do anything. She wants to try but she is still not happy. She says she doesn't even know if we can ever be happy because she doesn't know if she can make me happy.

I have told her, re-assured her, from the very night of the 'problem' (which I don't think was THIS big of a deal) that I love her, want to be with her, she makes me happy, and that this was a wake-up call to treat her with loving soft hands, instead of expecting her to be strong and deal with it.

I tell her I am going to try and help her, she says thank you.

What do I do? Does she just need time? We have been together for 6 years and about 8 months. I am 26 yrs old, we were our first love, our first everything and we were always very happy together and planned our whole life together. Basically, I am the center of her world and she is the center of mine.

Will she be ok or do I have to start believing that after about 12 days now, she is no longer able to be happy with me? I mean, I have NEVER done anything to hurt her, except push her away (not physically, only relationship wise and say stupid things like "I lost faith in you now" when she does something that upsets me.) Yes, I am going to change that. In the past, she has done small things to hurt me, nothing big, and I don't stand for it. So, now she says all the weight of those little problems have finally gotten to her and now she doesn't know what she wants anymore.

Is she just depressed and will be ok?

It's hard for me too because I miss her. I miss laughing together, being happy together. It's been almost 2 weeks now.

I will do anything for her, so it's not a problem to help her through this if that is what it is.

Advice appreciated please

And you guys are... what? 15? 16 years old? :D

Edit: You're 26? Holy crap. Ask her why she's depressed. Straight up. If she can't figure it out, then it's probably not you. If she delays, it's probably you.

I'd just act like everything is normal til she gets out of the funk.

[MiamiHeat]

as other said, you're a really fucked up person. you told her you lost faith in her because of a pizza, really?

She lost my trust about 5-6 years ago. We have been trying to work at it since. It's gotten a lot better.

And right now, I am ready to give her all my trust 100% again and just move on and be happy.

I just need her to be happy and normal again, and I'll take care of the rest.

[MiamiHeat]

You emo puss. You need to drop shit that happened when you were teenagers. Do you use that double dildo thing when you two have sex for both your vaginas?

yup, I already know now I just have to give her all my trust again and be NORMAL again.

Just remember, when she met me, I trusted her 100%.

Anyway, I told her all this, everything will be fine. but she is still sad.

[lebomb]

We have been together for 6 years and about 8 months. I am 26 yrs old, we were our first love, our first everything and we were always very happy together and planned our whole life together. Basically, I am the center of her world and she is the center of mine.




Sounds like yall got married too young. I was with my first wife from the time she was 16yrs old till we divorced when she was 30yrs old. She started being depressed years into our marriage..............said it was her, not me. She didnt even have a good reason why she was unhappy. Well, she ended up having an affair. I think she was curious what it was like to date other people, since we were together just about her whole teen and adult life. Basically there is nothing you can do to make your wife feel better. She probably feels like she missed out on a chunk of her life. At least IMHO. :depressed

[LnGrrrR]

She lost my trust about 5-6 years ago. We have been trying to work at it since.

If she lost your trust, there's no point in being together. How long are you going to wait to make her gain it back?

Maybe she's depressed because, 6 years after the fact, you're still bringing up the fact you don't trust her over a FUCKING PIZZA.

[I. Hustle]

yup, I already know now I just have to give her all my trust again and be NORMAL again.

Just remember, when she met me, I trusted her 100%.

Anyway, I told her all this, everything will be fine. but she is still sad.

If you “trust her 100%” then why bring that dumb shit up again? You sound like a f’n 15 year old. You two must be really fat.

[LnGrrrR]

Dude, you told her you lost faith in her because she was going to heat up a pizza.

Is it any wonder why she is depressed?

Mark this thread, because it is the one time I am wholeheartedly agreeing with whottt.

[MiamiHeat]

If she lost your trust, there's no point in being together. How long are you going to wait to make her gain it back?

Maybe she's depressed because, 6 years after the fact, you're still bringing up the fact you don't trust her over a FUCKING PIZZA.


I already told her. It's done, it's finished. Everyone makes mistakes, she made them, I made them. I am ready to trust her 100% again and preserve our happiness at all times. She knows I never lie, but she just feels sad. I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose our relationship, and she says she doesn't want to lose me either. She says she loves me but just feels empty.

[LnGrrrR]

If you “trust her 100%” then why bring that dumb shit up again? You sound like a f’n 15 year old. You two must be really fat.

Good point I Hustle. Who puts percentages on trust? :) "Let's see baby... your trust percentage is rising! Good news! However, that is somewhat countered by your slight dip in "BJ Enthusiasm" and nosedive in "Spontaneous Flashing". You'll have to work on those two before I can bump up your overall rating."

[angel_luv]

If she was gone for an hour, I would hardly call that disappearing-especially since you stated she devotes the majority of her time to you. I.E. " we do everything together."
And as she has never cheated on you- I don't know on what grounds you justify your severe suspicion.

Last night I went out shopping by myself. I didn't think to leave a note ( I am not used to being married and having someone who is interested in my daily coming and goings). I was not home when my husband came home from work, and actually didn't get home until after eight pm.
The second I walked in the door, my husband said, " Hey honey! Great to see you. " All he wanted to know was if I had enjoyed my shopping and if I was happy with what I had bought.


Give your girl friend some space. Grown ups like that. You are her friend and companion- not her parent, baby sitter, or jail keeper.

Futhermore, forgiving a person means not holding the past against them and moving forward as if no wrong was done to you.
If you cannot do both of those things, then you are not ready to forgive someone and cannot say that you have- in my opinion.

[MiamiHeat]

If you “trust her 100%” then why bring that dumb shit up again? You sound like a f’n 15 year old. You two must be really fat.

You didn't read my posts. I trusted her 100% when she met me. She did some stupid things to lose my trust. I am ready NOW to move on permanently from it, she just needs to be normal again.

When I wanted to break up with her for the stupid things she did to lose my trust, she cried her eyes out and even wanted to kill herself. She said it was me or nobody. She NEVER wants anyone else. She doesn't even want to think about it.

When I saw how much she loved me, that made me want to try again. Ok, you just made a mistake then. Let's make everything okay. And I always gave her a chance and I was normal again and we'd be happy again.

Why won't she give me that chance now?

[LnGrrrR]

I already told her. It's done, it's finished. Everyone makes mistakes, she made them, I made them. I am ready to trust her 100% again and preserve our happiness at all times. She knows I never lie, but she just feels sad. I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose our relationship, and she says she doesn't want to lose me either. She says she loves me but just feels empty.

Here's what you need to practice MiamiHeat.

It's called "active listening". Listen to what she says, then repeat them back to her until she makes her feelings more clear.

For instance, if she says, "I feel empty," you respond back with something like, "What do you mean by feeling empty? Can you describe it for me?"

Then, if she explains it, determine if there is some pattern to it. Is it when she thinks about a certain thing? Certain times of the year? When DOESN'T she feel that way? Etc etc

Also, realize that NO couple is happy all the time. Every couple gets into fights, feels shitty, depressed, etc etc occasionally. That's normal, and healthy unless you're a robot. So don't try to force your relationship onto some pedestal, because it might be exacerbating the issue. (She may be depressed because not only does she feel she hasn't earned your love/trust, but the fact that she's depressed may lead her to think she's not being a good wife BECAUSE she's depressed, and depress her further.)

[MiamiHeat]

If she was gone for an hour, I would hardly call that disappearing-especially since you stated she devotes the majority of her time to you. I.E. " we do everything together."

The other night I went out shopping by myself. I didn't think to leave a note ( I am not used to being married and having someone who is interested in my daily coming and goings). I was not home when my husband came home from work, and actually didn't get home until after eight pm.
The second I walked in the door, my husband said, " Hey honey! Great to see you. " All he wanted to know was if I had enjoyed my shopping and if I was happy with what I had bought.


Give your girl friend some space. Grown ups like that. You are her friend and companion- not her parent, baby sitter, or jail keeper.

Futhermore, forgiving a person means not holding the past against them and moving forward as if no wrong was done to you.
If you cannot do both of those things, then you are not ready to forgive someone and cannot say that you have- in my opinion.

You have great points, but she was the one who started this whole spending all of our time together. I enjoy it too, but I used to ask her, "Do you want to spend less time together and go do other things?" and she said no. She loves being with me and it makes her happy. The only thing she wanted in life is to be with me and build a life together.

I got used to it.

But yeah, I am ready to completely forgive and just trust her again, I told her this. But she is just sad.

What do I do

[Extra Stout]

So, back when MiamiHeat was a teenager, his girlfriend had a male friend he didn't like. He insisted she stop talking to him. To normal people, this would be considered manipulative and controlling. To him, this is a matter of "trust."

So, apparently he tried to break up with ther, but when she demonstrated her desperation to keep him, he relented. The desperation is what he wants. He wants someone to control. He calls this "love."

In the meantime, he continues to hold those pathetically minor transgressions from the past over her head, as a means to control her, so that she is always seeking his ever-elusive "trust."

He demands to know where she is at all times. Any unaccounted time causes a "problem."

And no, he doesn't yell. The psychopath never yells. But she can never tell whether the change in his voice means somehow she upset him again over some inconsequntial thing, or if he's just tired.

So now, after years of systematic psychological destruction at his hands, she's empty.

It appears that maybe, just maybe, she is close to breaking free from this six-year nightmare.

And understandably, the psychopath MiamiHeat is feeling a sense of loss. She meets his needs. If she is not there, his needs are not being met. This is bad. Why can she not understand that he needs his needs met? It's been 14 days!

[LnGrrrR]

When I wanted to break up with her for the stupid things she did to lose my trust, she cried her eyes out and even wanted to kill herself. She said it was me or nobody. She NEVER wants anyone else. She doesn't even want to think about it.

Yeesh, that's a warning sign and a half. You should never let someone blackmail you into love.

You should probably talk about counseling with her, but after you do that active listening I mentioned above.

[timvp]

It's obvious she is trying to break up with you and doesn't have the nerve to straight up tell you. You've had her under lock and key for a half dozen years and she wants her freedom. You've used a couple of minor incidents (which were born from your insecurities) to torture her ever since.

She realized that with you she'll be emotionally manipulated forever. You call her a homebody but that's likely your doing. She'd probably like to get out of the house and go to a club at least once in her life. :rolleyes You've controlled her whole life and she's trying to send you not-so-subtle hints that she doesn't want to continue.

Your only hope is to give her space to live. I'm talking a couple years. You need to grow up and she needs to explore the world. At that point perhaps she will circle around back to you. Maybe not. But if you keep going down this road you are going to make her even more miserable and this episode will repeat itself more and more often.

Cut the cord, hope for the best and in the mean time figure out what makes you so insecure so that you can stop that type of behavior in the future.

Good luck.

[mrsmaalox]

So, back when MiamiHeat was a teenager, his girlfriend had a male friend he didn't like. He insisted she stop talking to him. To normal people, this would be considered manipulative and controlling. To him, this is a matter of "trust."

So, apparently he tried to break up with ther, but when she demonstrated her desperation to keep him, he relented. The desperation is what he wants. He wants someone to control. He calls this "love."

In the meantime, he continues to hold those pathetically minor transgressions from the past over her head, as a means to control her, so that she is always seeking his ever-elusive "trust."

He demands to know where she is at all times. Any unaccounted time causes a "problem."

And no, he doesn't yell. The psychopath never yells. But she can never tell whether the change in his voice means somehow she upset him again over some inconsequntial thing, or if he's just tired.

So now, after years of systematic psychological destruction at his hands, she's empty.

It appears that maybe, just maybe, she is close to breaking free from this six-year nightmare.

And understandably, the psychopath MiamiHeat is feeling a sense of loss. She meets his needs. If she is not there, his needs are not being met. This is bad. Why can she not understand that he needs his needs met? It's been 14 days!

Wow ES, :tu

[I. Hustle]

:lol This shit is great and has the potential to end up a classic.

[I. Hustle]

If you really want it to work out then let another dude hit it. She needs to know what another cawk feels like. Maybe when they are done he will stick it in your vaj too.

[MiamiHeat]

So, back when MiamiHeat was a teenager, his girlfriend had a male friend he didn't like. He insisted she stop talking to him. To normal people, this would be considered manipulative and controlling. To him, this is a matter of "trust."

So, apparently he tried to break up with ther, but when she demonstrated her desperation to keep him, he relented. The desperation is what he wants. He wants someone to control. He calls this "love."

In the meantime, he continues to hold those pathetically minor transgressions from the past over her head, as a means to control her, so that she is always seeking his ever-elusive "trust."

He demands to know where she is at all times. Any unaccounted time causes a "problem."

And no, he doesn't yell. The psychopath never yells. But she can never tell whether the change in his voice means somehow she upset him again over some inconsequntial thing, or if he's just tired.

So now, after years of systematic psychological destruction at his hands, she's empty.

It appears that maybe, just maybe, she is close to breaking free from this six-year nightmare.

And understandably, the psychopath MiamiHeat is feeling a sense of loss. She meets his needs. If she is not there, his needs are not being met. This is bad. Why can she not understand that he needs his needs met? It's been 14 days!

The guy was talking crap about me to her and her friends (who told me what was saying) and then he was trying to get her to spend more time with him. When I would show up to hang out and be with my girl, he would get up and say "Oh great, gotta go then. Bye -insert my girl name-"

It's an old trick. He was hurting our relationship and belittling me. Everyone thought the same. I asked her to stop seeing him, and the first thing she did was go tell him what I said and then hang out again.

Yeah, that hurts.

The second thing she did was sit on another guy's lap while talking to me on the phone. She said she was going to look for a picture to show me, but instead, she was talking to some guy and play fighting with him. Didn't even tell me, was doing it behind my back. While she was 'looking for the picture', she was instead play fighting with this guy behind my back, didn't even mention she was hanging out with him, and was sitting on his lap.

That hurts too.

[TDMVPDPOY]

this thread shouldnt have gone pass 2 pages, wtf

[MiamiHeat]

Wow ES, :tu

That's not even close. I would give my life for her. He doesn't know what he's saying.

[MiamiHeat]

It's obvious she is trying to break up with you and doesn't have the nerve to straight up tell you. You've had her under lock and key for a half dozen years and she wants her freedom. You've used a couple of minor incidents (which were born from your insecurities) to torture her ever since.

She realized that with you she'll be emotionally manipulated forever. You call her a homebody but that's likely your doing. She'd probably like to get out of the house and go to a club at least once in her life. :rolleyes You've controlled her whole life and she's trying to send you not-so-subtle hints that she doesn't want to continue.

Your only hope is to give her space to live. I'm talking a couple years. You need to grow up and she needs to explore the world. At that point perhaps she will circle around back to you. Maybe not. But if you keep going down this road you are going to make her even more miserable and this episode will repeat itself more and more often.

Cut the cord, hope for the best and in the mean time figure out what makes you so insecure so that you can stop that type of behavior in the future.

Good luck.

That's not TRUE AT ALL. I asked her MANY TIMES over the years, "we spend so much time together, do you want to spend a little less time together?"

and she would be sad I even ASKED. When -I- ask time to go do something else, like play a video game or something, do you know what she does? She just sits next to me and wants to watch me and participate with me. SHE is the one who decided for herself. We decide EVERYTHING -TOGETHER-

You got it all wrong, man.

[LnGrrrR]

The guy was talking crap about me to her and her friends (who told me what was saying) and then he was trying to get her to spend more time with him. When I would show up to hang out and be with my girl, he would get up and say "Oh great, gotta go then. Bye -insert my girl name-"

It's an old trick. He was hurting our relationship and belittling me. Everyone thought the same. I asked her to stop seeing him, and the first thing she did was go tell him what I said and then hang out again.

Yeah, that hurts.

The second thing she did was sit on another guy's lap while talking to me on the phone. She said she was going to look for a picture to show me, but instead, she was talking to some guy and play fighting with him. Didn't even tell me, was doing it behind my back.

That hurts too.

Really?

Realllllly?

Dude, that's not a "trick". That's him leaving his friend, because you're the boyfriend and he probably didn't want to watch you two suck face. And if it's her friend, then is it understandable why she wanted to hang out with him again?

And she sat on a guy's lap? Ok, not the GREATEST of things to find out, but certainly not some sort of devastating info, whereby all us board posters are going to say, "SHE DID WHAT?!!? THE HARLOT!"

Here's a reality check for you MiamiHeat: everyone lies. They even lie to people they love. And sometimes, when they're lying, they do bad things. The question isn't whether or not they do it. It's A) how bad/often do they do it and B) how much are you willing to take?

[jack sommerset]

If she lost your trust, there's no point in being together. How long are you going to wait to make her gain it back?

Maybe she's depressed because, 6 years after the fact, you're still bringing up the fact you don't trust her over a FUCKING PIZZA.

:lmao This can't be real! I do have an opinion about high school sweeties staying togther. They never seem to grow up, more often then not. This one couple I know have been together since they were 15. The stupid ass shit they argue about reminds me of this guy's story. BREAK UP ALREADY. Seriously what are the chances you hook up with someone in high school and you actually have that much in common 5-10-15 years later. It happens once in blue moon. My parents divorce when I was 5. That was over 30 years ago. Both are good people but never in my wildest dreams could I see them as a couple let alone a married couple. They are completly different.

This whole talk about "my heart" is fucking LAME. Something a child would say and he brings it up over a pizza. That house must be insane. This guy is trying to make her feel like he has honest reasons to feel this way about his heart and all and she has to try her best to take him serious. He is laying down a major guilt trip on her and making her feel bad about something she did 6 years ago. That is fucking whack. If this dude really cared about her and I am dead serious he would break up with her. Not talk to her. Let her go. Move on with her life. Perhaps he will grow up. Could you imagine the next girlfriend he gets and brings up his fucking heart over a pizza or if she had guy friends! . That right there is a high school mentality. No guy friends. This guy has to be insecure on one of the highest levels. HAHAHAHAHA

[angel_luv]

You have great points, but she was the one who started this whole spending all of our time together. I enjoy it too, but I used to ask her, "Do you want to spend less time together and go do other things?" and she said no. She loves being with me and it makes her happy. The only thing she wanted in life is to be with me and build a life together.

I got used to it.

But yeah, I am ready to completely forgive and just trust her again, I told her this. But she is just sad.

What do I do


I think your girlfriend ( wife?) has spent so much of her life trying to please you ( and I am not saying this is all your fault) that she has no clue what she wants or likes.

You've known her a long time- what is your gf good at? what does she enjoy?

Your girlfriend needs to build some self esteem. Take every opportunity you can to praise and compliment her. Do not do this insincerely. It will get old for you and will not help her.
When your wife looks pretty tell her specifically what you like about her outfit, hair or makeup.
When she makes you dinner, thank her.
Ask about her job. Ask for her input regarding things you are contemplating.

If your gf has a hobby, encourage her pursuit of it. If (for example) she likes to paint- buy her art supplies as a no - occasion present. Ask her if she would like to enroll in an art class. Make it a point to hang up some of her paintings in your home and or/ office.

In short, make it clear to your gf that she matters to you.

Talk is cheap. If you love her, show her.

Here is a great idea. Buy this book and YOU follow it in regards to your gf. I bet you get great results.

http://thelovedarebook.com/

I wish you and your gf all the best.

[LnGrrrR]

That's not TRUE AT ALL. I asked her MANY TIMES over the years, "Damn we spend too much time together, do you want to spend a little less time together?"

and she would be sad I even ASKED.

You got it all wrong, man.

She might be a little messed up in the head too. Threatening to kill yourself is someone is about to leave you is not a sign of strong mental health, after all.

[I. Hustle]

:lol

I was that other guy. We were play fighting because she gave me wood while she wiggled on my lap. She loves you though dude. She even asked if she could yell your name out while I gave it to her. I said sure because I am sensitive and understanding but once we got going she said it was impossible to pretend like I was you because I was a lot bigger. She does love you though dude.

[MiamiHeat]

Really?

Realllllly?

Dude, that's not a "trick". That's him leaving his friend, because you're the boyfriend and he probably didn't want to watch you two suck face. And if it's her friend, then is it understandable why she wanted to hang out with him again?

And she sat on a guy's lap? Ok, not the GREATEST of things to find out, but certainly not some sort of devastating info, whereby all us board posters are going to say, "SHE DID WHAT?!!? THE HARLOT!"

Here's a reality check for you MiamiHeat: everyone lies. They even lie to people they love. And sometimes, when they're lying, they do bad things. The question isn't whether or not they do it. It's A) how bad/often do they do it and B) how much are you willing to take?




I don't.

[katyon6th]

The guy was talking crap about me to her and her friends (who told me what was saying) and then he was trying to get her to spend more time with him. When I would show up to hang out and be with my girl, he would get up and say "Oh great, gotta go then. Bye -insert my girl name-"

It's an old trick. He was hurting our relationship and belittling me. Everyone thought the same. I asked her to stop seeing him, and the first thing she did was go tell him what I said and then hang out again.

Yeah, that hurts.

The second thing she did was sit on another guy's lap while talking to me on the phone. She said she was going to look for a picture to show me, but instead, she was talking to some guy and play fighting with him. Didn't even tell me, was doing it behind my back. While she was 'looking for the picture', she was instead play fighting with this guy behind my back, didn't even mention she was hanging out with him, and was sitting on his lap.

That hurts too.

Grow the fuck up!

And let her go. Now. She feels empty because you can no longer give her what she needs.

[MiamiHeat]

I think your girlfriend ( wife?) has spent so much of her life trying to please you ( and I am not saying this is all your fault) that she has no clue what she wants or likes.

You've known her a long time- what is your gf good at? what does she enjoy?

Your girlfriend needs to build some self esteem. Take every opportunity you can to praise and compliment her. Do not do this insincerely. It will get old for you and will not help her.
When your wife looks pretty tell her specifically what you like about her outfit, hair or makeup.
When she makes you dinner, thank her.
Ask about her job. Ask for her input regarding things you are contemplating.

If your gf has a hobby, encourage her pursuit of it. If (for example) she likes to paint- buy her art supplies as a no - occasion present. Ask her if she would like to enroll in an art class. Make it a point to hang her up some of her paintings in your home and or/ office.

In short, make it clear to your gf that she matters to you.

Talk is cheap. If you love her, show her.

Here is a great idea. Buy this book and YOU follow it in regards to your gf. I bet you get great results.

http://thelovedarebook.com/

I wish you and your gf all the best.


She loves drawing and is studying to be an artist, computer animation. Her father pressured her into being a doctor like he is, and she asked for my opinion. I asked her what is her passion in life? She said art, she loves drawing and all that. I told her that's what she should do.

[LnGrrrR]

Your girlfriend needs to build some self esteem. Take every opportunity you can to praise and compliment her. Do not do this insincerely. It will get old for you and will not help her.
When your wife looks pretty tell her specifically what you like about her outfit, hair or makeup.
When she makes you dinner, thank her.
Ask about her job. Ask for her input regarding things you are contemplating.

If your gf has a hobby, encourage her pursuit of it. If (for example) she likes to paint- buy her art supplies as a no - occasion present. Ask her if she would like to enroll in an art class. Make it a point to hang her up some of her paintings in your home and or/ office.

In short, make it clear to your gf that she matters to you.

Talk is cheap. If you love her, show her.

Here is a great idea. Buy this book and YOU follow it in regards to your gf. I bet you get great results.

http://thelovedarebook.com/

I wish you and your gf all the best.

Wow... ther'es a book that tells you this stuff? I would figure it's pretty f'ing obvious, even for a heathen like me. :D

Shoot, I buy flowers for my wife for no reason at times. I mean, it helps to remind her why she chose me over all the other guys out there. :)

I've tried to get my wife a hobby, (forgive the expression) good lord knows I've tried, but nothing has stuck. I keep trying though... it means extra video game time alone for me. ;)

[MiamiHeat]

I think your girlfriend ( wife?) has spent so much of her life trying to please you ( and I am not saying this is all your fault) that she has no clue what she wants or likes.

You've known her a long time- what is your gf good at? what does she enjoy?

Your girlfriend needs to build some self esteem. Take every opportunity you can to praise and compliment her. Do not do this insincerely. It will get old for you and will not help her.
When your wife looks pretty tell her specifically what you like about her outfit, hair or makeup.
When she makes you dinner, thank her.
Ask about her job. Ask for her input regarding things you are contemplating.

If your gf has a hobby, encourage her pursuit of it. If (for example) she likes to paint- buy her art supplies as a no - occasion present. Ask her if she would like to enroll in an art class. Make it a point to hang her up some of her paintings in your home and or/ office.

In short, make it clear to your gf that she matters to you.

Talk is cheap. If you love her, show her.

Here is a great idea. Buy this book and YOU follow it in regards to your gf. I bet you get great results.

http://thelovedarebook.com/

I wish you and your gf all the best.


I am appreciative of everything. I say thank you, i appreciate you.

"Love, can you tell me the time please?" "Thank you"


I think it's like I've been told, she is just sad and needs time because it affected her so much. I really have to stop overreacting and completely trust her again.

[I. Hustle]

You've known her a long time- what is your gf good at? what does she enjoy?

If your gf has a hobby, encourage her pursuit of it. If (for example) she likes to paint- buy her art supplies as a no - occasion present. Ask her if she would like to enroll in an art class. Make it a point to hang her up some of her paintings in your home and or/ office.




We know she likes to warm up pizza. Maybe he should get her one of these.
http://graphics.samsclub.com/images/products/0040643241389_LG.jpg

[LnGrrrR]

I don't.

Yes, you do. And hell, if you're not, maybe you should be. Maybe when your wife fucks up next time, you could say, "Hey, no big deal" instead of "Well this is another reminder of why I can't trust you."

[angel_luv]

I edited my post. DO NOT HANG her! Hang up her art ONLY!

That was a really bad typo I originally made! :oops :oops

[MiamiHeat]

When -I- ask time to go do something else, like play a video game or something, do you know what she does? She just sits next to me and wants to watch me and participate with me. SHE is the one who decided for herself. We decide EVERYTHING -TOGETHER-

When I want time for myself, I ask her, and she doesn't even do anything on her own. She just wants to be with me. ALL. THE. TIME. This is not my doing, I am not some psyco control guy. I talk about everything with her. My only mistake has been overreacting all these years because of the trust problem. That's it. and it finally got to her and now she's sad.

[LnGrrrR]

I am appreciative of everything. I say thank you, i appreciate you.

"Love, can you tell me the time please?" "Thank you"


I think it's like I've been told, she is just sad and needs time because it affected her so much. I really have to stop overreacting and completely trust her again.

That's not showing appreciation. That's just saying thank you.

Appreciation would be like, making dinner for her for no reason. Hell, even making a sandwich with a kind note in the fridge. Getting her flowers. Taking her out to eat at a fancy place on a Tuesday. Getting her a dress for said fancy place. Massaging her feet. Cleaning the dishes. Renting her favorite movie even if you hate it.

That's appreciation.

[LnGrrrR]

I edited my post. DO NOT HANG her! Hang up her art ONLY!

That was a really bad typo I originally made! :oops :oops


:lmao

[I. Hustle]

When -I- ask time to go do something else, like play a video game or something, do you know what she does? She just sits next to me and wants to watch me and participate with me. SHE is the one who decided for herself. We decide EVERYTHING -TOGETHER-

When I want time for myself, I ask her, and she doesn't even do anything on her own. She just wants to be with me. ALL. THE. TIME. This is not my doing, I am not some psyco control guy. I talk about everything with her. My only mistake has been overreacting all these years because of the trust problem. That's it. and it finally got to her and now she's sad.

Maybe she needs new batteries for her rascal.

[angel_luv]

Wow... ther'es a book that tells you this stuff? I would figure it's pretty f'ing obvious, even for a heathen like me. :D

Shoot, I buy flowers for my wife for no reason at times. I mean, it helps to remind her why she chose me over all the other guys out there. :)

I've tried to get my wife a hobby, (forgive the expression) good lord knows I've tried, but nothing has stuck. I keep trying though... it means extra video game time alone for me. ;)

It sounds like your wife is blessed to have you. Good man!

If I wasn't married to the best husband ever, I'd have good reason to think you might be him. :)

[I. Hustle]

That's not showing appreciation. That's just saying thank you.

Appreciation would be like, making dinner for her for no reason. Hell, even making a sandwich with a kind note in the fridge. Getting her flowers. Taking her out to eat at a fancy place on a Tuesday. Getting her a dress for said fancy place. Massaging her feet. Cleaning the dishes. Renting her favorite movie even if you hate it.

That's appreciation.

I do that shit and I'm a moron. This guy thinks saying thank you is romantic and appreciative?! :lol

[MiamiHeat]

That's not showing appreciation. That's just saying thank you.

Appreciation would be like, making dinner for her for no reason. Hell, even making a sandwich with a kind note in the fridge. Getting her flowers. Taking her out to eat at a fancy place on a Tuesday. Getting her a dress for said fancy place. Massaging her feet. Cleaning the dishes. Renting her favorite movie even if you hate it.

That's appreciation.


I made dinner for her, she said I cook better than the 5 star restaurant we went to. We laughed because of the portion size. I do everything for her, man. We both are caring people.

[mrsmaalox]

We know she likes to warm up pizza. Maybe he should get her one of these.
http://graphics.samsclub.com/images/products/0040643241389_LG.jpg

:lmao

[angel_luv]

I wish Miami Heat's gf was a Poster here so I could hear her side of the story from her.

[LnGrrrR]

When -I- ask time to go do something else, like play a video game or something, do you know what she does? She just sits next to me and wants to watch me and participate with me. SHE is the one who decided for herself. We decide EVERYTHING -TOGETHER-

When I want time for myself, I ask her, and she doesn't even do anything on her own. She just wants to be with me. ALL. THE. TIME. This is not my doing, I am not some psyco control guy. I talk about everything with her. My only mistake has been overreacting all these years because of the trust problem. That's it. and it finally got to her and now she's sad.

Why don't you get to try playing video games? How about coming up with an activity that you both do solo but together? For instance, if she likes drawing, then you could have a little competition to draw the same object.

Also, just because she's deciding something on her own doesn't mean it's necessarily 'healthy'. In fact, it's not. She should WANT to have alone time, and that she doesn't is a red flag.

[Trainwreck2100]

I edited my post. DO NOT HANG her! Hang up her art ONLY!

That was a really bad typo I originally made! :oops :oops

timeout now lets not discount all possibilities

[I. Hustle]

It sounds like your wife is blessed to have you. Good man!

If I wasn't married to the best husband ever, I'd have good reason to think you might be him. :)

ooooooohhhhhh That sounds like Al is ready to cheat! Don't do it Luv you just got married! Give it two more weeks!

[LnGrrrR]

It sounds like your wife is blessed to have you. Good man!

If I wasn't married to the best husband ever, I'd have good reason to think you might be him. :)

Nah... I'm just a decent husband, which is what all husbands should be. I make my fair share of mistakes, I sin, etc etc. She's just a very tolerant person, and I do my best to continuously earn and be worth that tolerance.

[jack sommerset]

I wish Miami Heat's gf was a Poster here so I could hear her side of the story from her.

Do you think he could trust her on a computer? :lmao Her facebook friends would break his lil heart.

[LnGrrrR]

I made dinner for her, she said I cook better than the 5 star restaurant we went to. We laughed because of the portion size. I do everything for her, man. We both are caring people.

Then do what I said, and get her to specify exactly what this "empty" feeling is, when it occurs, how often it happens, etc etc. That's your homework. Without any more info, it's tough to figure out.

Also, don't you find it somewhat strange that everything you do gets praised? Does she ever insult you, even in a teasing way? Does she ever get upset at you? Or does she just take it all in herself?

[hater]

dude you seem like too much of a pussy around your wife. you need to show her who's the man and take charge.

women want a real man, not a pussy who says thank you and I love you 24/7

[Trainwreck2100]

Nah... I'm just a decent husband, which is what all husbands should be. I make my fair share of mistakes, I sin, etc etc. She's just a very tolerant person, and I do my best to continuously earn and be worth that tolerance.

its fuckers like you that make it harder for guys damn traitor

[I. Hustle]

What's weird is that you two look so happy.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GQrNR2iABwc/SmbaeiNm-0I/AAAAAAAAESY/XVOfcp8mDNA/s400/cute+fat+asian+couple.jpg

I guess you never really know what's going on

[mrsmaalox]

Nah... I'm just a decent husband, which is what all husbands should be. I make my fair share of mistakes, I sin, etc etc. She's just a very tolerant person, and I do my best to continuously earn and be worth that tolerance.

See? If MiamiHeat's gf did this there would be no problem ;)

[angel_luv]

ooooooohhhhhh That sounds like Al is ready to cheat! Don't do it Luv you just got married! Give it two more weeks!

No way, Jose!
My husband is the best thing God ever created- and God has done some excellent work over the centuries. I am so blessed Bo chose to marry me. :)

[jack sommerset]

He says they are homebodies. I guessing she does not have a choice.

[I. Hustle]

No way, Jose!
My husband is the best thing God ever created- and God has done some excellent work over the centuries. I am so blessed Bo chose to marry me. :)

:lol

How did you know my name was Jose?!

Does Bo give you his arrow?

[LnGrrrR]

No way, Jose!
My husband is the best thing God ever created- and God has done some excellent work over the centuries. I am so blessed Bo chose to marry me. :)

Aren't you Christians supposed to be modest? ;) :lol

[Extra Stout]

I don't really know how MiamiHeat thinks he can fool us into thinking that it's entirely her idea to spend all her time next to him, when he made it clear that if she spends 25 minutes away from him without accounting for it, she gets in trouble.

[angel_luv]

Aren't you Christians supposed to be modest? ;) :lol

Stating the obvious in not immodest. Anyone who has met Bo can clearly tell what a catch he is. :)

If it isn't obvious... I <3 my husband.

[Trainwreck2100]

Stating the obvious in not immodest. Anyone who has met Bo can clearly tell what a catch he is. :)

If it isn't obvious... I <3 my husband.

he has skin as thick as cardboard

[I. Hustle]

I don't really know how MiamiHeat thinks he can fool us into thinking that it's entirely her idea to spend all her time next to him, when he made it clear that if she spends 25 minutes away from him without accounting for it, she gets in trouble.

I believe that she chooses to stay next to him while he plays games. The chains hurt her if she pulls on them.

[LnGrrrR]

The chains her if she pulls on them.

You posted this from your iPhone, didn't you? Damn autocorrect.

[MiamiHeat]

Why don't you get to try playing video games? How about coming up with an activity that you both do solo but together? For instance, if she likes drawing, then you could have a little competition to draw the same object.

Also, just because she's deciding something on her own doesn't mean it's necessarily 'healthy'. In fact, it's not. She should WANT to have alone time, and that she doesn't is a red flag.

Go on picnics together, read together, SHE plays sometimes and -I- watch and help, go to the lake and feed the ducks together, I talk to her and help her with her art,

I do it. I have asked her many times, What can I do to be a better husband, and she says I am wonderful and there's really nothing.

What else am I supposed to do

[Trainwreck2100]

Go on picnics together, read together, SHE plays sometimes and -I- watch and help, go to the lake and feed the ducks together, I talk to her and help her with her art,

I do it. I have asked her many times, What can I do to be a better husband, and she says I am wonderful and there's really nothing.

What else am I supposed to do

slap the sense into her

[I. Hustle]

You posted this from your iPhone, didn't you? Damn autocorrect.

What are you talking about? Looks good to me.

[MiamiHeat]

Then do what I said, and get her to specify exactly what this "empty" feeling is, when it occurs, how often it happens, etc etc. That's your homework. Without any more info, it's tough to figure out.

Also, don't you find it somewhat strange that everything you do gets praised? Does she ever insult you, even in a teasing way? Does she ever get upset at you? Or does she just take it all in herself?

She never gets upset at me, never. She never insults me, nope.... She does take it all in. I am 100% she still loves me and wants to be with me, that doesn't die overnight, man. What I am worried about is why is she still sad after 14 days.... maybe I need to back up and let her think about things on her own. It's just so hard for me, she is the light of my life, I love her so much, it makes me feel horrible to see her like this and I worry if I am going to lose the most beautiful person/thing that will ever happen to me.

I don't insult her either though, and the only time I ever get upset is when she caused it.

Look, I realize the pizza thing sounds weird, but you don't know the history. There was a time we were going to meet and spend time together, and she DISAPPEARED for 4 hours. Not just once, that's ok. BUT MANY TIMES. Other times she said she fell asleep and disappeared for 3 hours AFTER the time we set to meet up and spend time, or she said her phone broke so when I tried to find out where she is, I couldn't. Ok, so sometimes I took this as she didn't want to be with me, right? but when I tried to break up with her, she cries her eyes out and hangs on to me tight. She doesn't want anyone else, she said she doesn't even want to THINK about it. So I stay with her because ALL I WANT is a loving happy relationship with her, to raise a family and travel together, to do our "To-Do" list, to love her and share life together.

I realize now that she cannot take the 'trust' problems anymore, and I WANT TO FIX IT. But she is still sad. If the trust issue was fixed, we DO NOT HAVE problems. EVER.

[I. Hustle]

I do it. I have asked her many times, What can I do to be a better husband, and she says I am wonderful and there's really nothing.

What else am I supposed to do

Nothing left to do dude. You are already the perfect video game addicted, jealous, insecure, bringing up old shit emo husband there is. I say she is the one with the problem.

[angel_luv]

The confusion I am having with your posts, Miami Heat, is that you keep adding facts as the thread goes on. You would have done better to state all information you were willing to share upfront.

[MiamiHeat]

The confusion I am having with your posts, Miami Heat, is that you keep adding facts as the thread goes on. You would have done better to state all information you were willing to share upfront.

I apologize for that, I am just not even close to being normal right now. I am anxious, jittery, feeling like crap and worried about her and our relationship. I cannot function correctly right now.

I just spoke to her and she is still sleeping. She gave me kisses and told me she loved me. I asked her if she feels any better, even a little bit? and she said she feels 'just ok' and not really any better. I asked her if she still wants to be together and try, she said yes.

I am thinking this is just a depression and I have to give her time to heal because it affected her so badly. Her own words were that, she just 'snapped' and it affected her deeply.

[LnGrrrR]

What are you talking about? Looks good to me.

I think you meant to type the chain HURTS her... you left out a word. :)

[LnGrrrR]

Double post

[resistanze]

We know she likes to warm up pizza. Maybe he should get her one of these.
http://graphics.samsclub.com/images/products/0040643241389_LG.jpg

:lol

[MiamiHeat]

Double post

No. Although, I don't do anything for her to complain about. If she wants something, I get it. Neither of us are materialistic anyway.

If she asks me to do something, I do it. Done. I care about her. I LISTEN to her. I have always realized and we have talked to each other about how important communication is.

I have even asked her, is there anything you are unhappy about in the relationship? and she says "no, I am happy. The only thing is maybe the trust issue, but I know I have to deal with it until you trust me again"

I think she just broke finally and cannot deal with it anymore. This has given me a wake-up call to fix it and END the trust issue right now.

But I need her to be happy again so I can show her. In my opinion, this is not a deal breaker, this can be fixed. but why after 14 days she is still unhappy? this is horrible

[katyon6th]

Let her go!

[katyon6th]

But I need her to be happy again so I can show her. In my opinion, this is not a deal breaker, this can be fixed. but why after 14 days she is still unhappy? this is horrible


Because you CAN'T make her happy. If you loved her as much as you say you do, you would realize this.

[MiamiHeat]

Let her go!

When I wanted to break up (about 2 times), she held on to me. She cried and said she will do anything to fix it. She said she cannot picture herself with anyone else and that our relationship is beautiful. She just made a mistake but she loves me and everything can be ok.

So, I saw that she loved me that much to hang on so tight that it inspired me to try again and I always gave her a chance.

So, now the tables are reversed and SHE is feeling sad and I want to hang on.

We were happy, isn't this a stupid problem? It got to her, ok and she snapped and got depressed, but I can fix it. Relationships are tough sometimes, but you have to work through it.

When -I- was depressed, she hung on to me and I made it through. I want to do the same for her, I know how much she loved/loves me and how badly she wanted a life with me. I want it too.

[angel_luv]

I apologize for that, I am just not even close to being normal right now. I am anxious, jittery, feeling like crap and worried about her and our relationship. I cannot function correctly right now.

I just spoke to her and she is still sleeping. She gave me kisses and told me she loved me. I asked her if she feels any better, even a little bit? and she said she feels 'just ok' and not really any better. I asked her if she still wants to be together and try, she said yes.

I am thinking this is just a depression and I have to give her time to heal because it affected her so badly. Her own words were that, she just 'snapped' and it affected her deeply.

If she is simply blue, as we all get some times- you being kind and also taking her out for some fun outings should really help her.

If the depression persists, I recommend her visiting with a pastor and if that does not solve the issue, take her to consult a medical professional.

I hate the thought of anyone staying depressed.

[LnGrrrR]

She never gets upset at me, never. She never insults me, nope.... She does take it all in. I am 100% she still loves me and wants to be with me, that doesn't die overnight, man. What I am worried about is why is she still sad after 14 days.... maybe I need to back up and let her think about things on her own. It's just so hard for me, she is the light of my life, I love her so much, it makes me feel horrible to see her like this and I worry if I am going to lose the most beautiful person/thing that will ever happen to me.

I don't insult her either though, and the only time I ever get upset is when she caused it.

Look, I realize the pizza thing sounds weird, but you don't know the history. There was a time we were going to meet and spend time together, and she DISAPPEARED for 4 hours. Not just once, that's ok. BUT MANY TIMES. Other times she said she fell asleep and disappeared for 3 hours AFTER the time we set to meet up and spend time, or she said her phone broke so when I tried to find out where she is, I couldn't. Ok, so sometimes I took this as she didn't want to be with me, right? but when I tried to break up with her, she cries her eyes out and hangs on to me tight. She doesn't want anyone else, she said she doesn't even want to THINK about it. So I stay with her because ALL I WANT is a loving happy relationship with her, to raise a family and travel together, to do our "To-Do" list, to love her and share life together.

I realize now that she cannot take the 'trust' problems anymore, and I WANT TO FIX IT. But she is still sad. If the trust issue was fixed, we DO NOT HAVE problems. EVER.

And if I made a million dollars, I'd have a porsche.

You know what the SECOND MOST important part about marriage is? Trust, JUST underneath love. You can't have a successful marriage without it.

If you really care her, you know what you should do? Forget about her past infidelities. Don't bring them up. Don't think about them. Don't remind yourself. If you're going to forgive her, forgive her completely; a clean slate.

And again, ask her specifically about her feelings.

[mrsmaalox]

You should consider couples' therapy. It couldn't hurt to get a professional opinion.

[MiamiHeat]

If she is simply blue, as we all get some times- you being kind and also taking her out for some fun outings should really help her.

If the depression persists, I recommend her visiting with a pastor and if that does not solve the issue, take her to consult a medical professional.

I hate the thought of anyone staying depressed.


That is a good idea. See the sky, get out and about, forget about the problem. I will do that.

I mean, her whole life she has hung on to me so tight, she hasn't wanted anything else. I have asked her many times, are you sure you want this relationship? Are you sure you want me for life, to build a life with me? She always LOVINGLY and HAPPILLY said "YES! YES love, you are my life, I don't want anyone but you, you are what makes me happy"

I just don't believe that it's over because of that. She said it's not the pizza problem only, but the weight of all the little trust pizza problems.

My family says she just needs time.

[MiamiHeat]

And if I made a million dollars, I'd have a porsche.

You know what the SECOND MOST important part about marriage is? Trust, JUST underneath love. You can't have a successful marriage without it.

If you really care her, you know what you should do? Forget about her past infidelities. Don't bring them up. Don't think about them. Don't remind yourself. If you're going to forgive her, forgive her completely; a clean slate.

And again, ask her specifically about her feelings.

Exactly,! That's what I want, a clean slate, let me fix it. I love her too much to be upset at her. I don't want to be unhappy about the trust problem anymore, I am DONE with it. If she is happy again, I WILL DO MY BEST TO PRESERVE IT.

but she is depressed!

[MiamiHeat]

And again, ask her specifically about her feelings.

I am going to do that again, too.

[LnGrrrR]

No. Although, I don't do anything for her to complain about. If she wants something, I get it. Neither of us are materialistic anyway.

If she asks me to do something, I do it. Done. I care about her. I LISTEN to her. I have always realized and we have talked to each other about how important communication is.

I have even asked her, is there anything you are unhappy about in the relationship? and she says "no, I am happy. The only thing is maybe the trust issue, but I know I have to deal with it until you trust me again"

I think she just broke finally and cannot deal with it anymore. This has given me a wake-up call to fix it and END the trust issue right now.

But I need her to be happy again so I can show her. In my opinion, this is not a deal breaker, this can be fixed. but why after 14 days she is still unhappy? this is horrible

This may sound strange, but you should 'force' her to tell you what she doesn't like about you. At least one thing. Even if she says 'nothing'. Everyone has dislikes about their partner, and to say otherwise means you're lying to the board or lying to yourself.

As far as the trust thing... might be too late. That comment might've been the straw that broke the camel's back. Hard to tell for sure.

Have a good meal somewhere nice, and then explain what a miserable douchebag you've been, and how you were wrong to hold it over her head all these years. Make sure she realizes it was YOUR fault, not hers. And from that point on, never bring it up again. NEVER.

Don't expect her to believe you right away though. After all, you'll have to earn her trust.

[CavsSuperFan]

Sometimes Mother gets into those moods where nothing seems to cheer her up…

You are over 40 years old, when are you going to move out…
Why do I always have to do the grocery shopping when you eat all the food…
Where is my gas card, you are always taking my gas card….
Why don’t you ever ask some nice girl out instead of watching TV every night…

I really gets annoying; I think that she maybe suffering from depression as well….

[mrsmaalox]

This may sound strange, but you should 'force' her to tell you what she doesn't like about you. At least one thing. Even if she says 'nothing'. Everyone has dislikes about their partner, and to say otherwise means you're lying to the board or lying to yourself.

As far as the trust thing... might be too late. That comment might've been the straw that broke the camel's back. Hard to tell for sure.

Have a good meal somewhere nice, and then explain what a miserable douchebag you've been, and how you were wrong to hold it over her head all these years. Make sure she realizes it was YOUR fault, not hers. And from that point on, never bring it up again. NEVER.

Don't expect her to believe you right away though. After all, you'll have to earn her trust.

But she may honestly not know how to put her feeelings into words. That's why I think a therapist could be helpful to them.

[LnGrrrR]

But she may honestly not know how to put her feeelings into words. That's why I think a therapist could be helpful to them.

Eh, a therapist will do the same thing that I mentioned. I should know... my mom is one :lol

A therapist just finds lots of ways to ask the same question in different ways, until finally one of them unlocks the door to self-reflection and understanding.

The first thing to determine is to get out these words like "empty" and define what they really mean. Does it mean she feels like life is passing her by? Does she want to do more with her life? When doesn't she feel empty? etc etc

If he can't get answers from her, THEN they could go to a professional.

[LnGrrrR]

I mean, her whole life she has hung on to me so tight, she hasn't wanted anything else. I have asked her many times, are you sure you want this relationship? Are you sure you want me for life, to build a life with me? She always LOVINGLY and HAPPILLY said "YES! YES love, you are my life, I don't want anyone but you, you are what makes me happy"


You know, your constant asking may not be helping. She might take it as one of two things:

1) You're asking because YOU want out, but want her to make the first move.

2) You're asking because you don't believe her intentions/words towards you are true and you're insecure.

You may not mean to put off that impression, but she could be thinking either of those two things as well.

[mrsmaalox]

Eh, a therapist will do the same thing that I mentioned. I should know... my mom is one :lol

A therapist just finds lots of ways to ask the same question in different ways, until finally one of them unlocks the door to self-reflection and understanding.

The first thing to determine is to get out these words like "empty" and define what they really mean. Does it mean she feels like life is passing her by? Does she want to do more with her life? When doesn't she feel empty? etc etc

If he can't get answers from her, THEN they could go to a professional.But how can she just forget how he holds things against her and open up to him? She knows that if she says something that "hurts his heart" it just fuels the drama machine. A third party may be able to help her express something that she's not willing to say openly to him.

[PM5K]

I'm not even reading this any more, the whole thing is just too fucking stupid.....

[I. Hustle]

I think you meant to type the chain HURTS her... you left out a word. :)

again, looks good to me. Still not following.

[Cupid]

I'll give it my best shot.

[LnGrrrR]

But how can she just forget how he holds things against her and open up to him? She knows that if she says something that "hurts his heart" it just fuels the drama machine. A third party may be able to help her express something that she's not willing to say openly to him.

This is why therapists ask questions different ways; in hopes that one of the questions will let something slip subconsciously. Lie detector tests do the same thing.

She won't say anything to a third party she wouldn't say to him, in all likelihood. She's already freaking out about his lack of trust... you think she's going to divulge information to a stranger, even with his blessing?

[angel_luv]

You know, your constant asking may not be helping. She might take it as one of two things:

1) You're asking because YOU want out, but want her to make the first move.

2) You're asking because you don't believe her intentions/words towards you are true and you're insecure.

You may not mean to put off that impression, but she could be thinking either of those two things as well.

I agree.

You need to be both confident and loving if you want to reassure her.

[LnGrrrR]

again, looks good to me. Still not following.

lol... I'm guessing you figured it out since you edited the post :)

[ploto]

She never gets upset at me, never. She never insults me, nope.... She does take it all in.

Some say that anger turned inward becomes depression.

[I. Hustle]

I don't know why I didn't think of this before. This is what you need to do. First put on something nice. I'm not talking about a freakin tux just something out of the norm that she would appreciate. Second go to "one of those shops" and get some nice massage oils. Don't skimp because it will hurt you in the end if you do. Then stop by a florist and have one of the clerks pick out a bouquet of flowers in her favorite colors. Then once you've gotten these things head home and drizzle the oil all over the flowers. I know it seems weird but do it. After all this is done and you have put enough of the oil on the flowers take them and shove them up your ass you freakin emo puss.
Why don't you go out and do some shit instead of playing video games. Maybe the both of you will lose some damn weight and she will feel better about herself and meet someone else that she won't fall asleep on because she will be in better shape.

[ploto]

She is suffering from depression because she has spent the last six years in a relationship with a controlling, emotionally abusive narcissist.
And his biggest fear is one of abandonment- that she will choose to leave him. Fits the profile.

[manufan10]

Someone mentioned it earlier, I think it was LnGrrrR, and he said that you need to talk to her about holding on to her past mistakes and owning up to that being YOUR mistake. I really think that's something you need to do if you haven't done so already. You royally screwed that one up. If you weren't willing to trust her after 6 years, then you should have broken up with her, no matter what she said.

You made a huge mistake by holding on to this for so long. You would have thought that since she never wants to leave your side that you could trust her again. Why do you think she never wants to leave your side? Every time she does you freak out. You hold grudges. I think you need to sit down with her and have a LONG discussion about it. Ask her for forgiveness for holding a grudge, for not really forgiving her for something that she did 6 years ago. As others have said, encourage her to do her hobby. Go out with friends, something. Encourage her to go out. Give her some cash and set up an appointment at a spa. Pamper her. Give her a full day all to herself. Don't settle for a response of, "I want to spend the time with you." Really encourage her to go out. Then, when she gets back, don't go CIA on her and ask her a billion questions of what she did, where did she go, who was she with. Just ask her if she enjoyed herself, and let her know you are glad she had a great time.

I've heard that the best thing for a relationship is to spend time AWAY from each other. It shows you and the other person how much you really mean to each other. So have her spend some time away from you. Once a week, at least. I would also add, don't push her away too much, because she might think you are trying to get rid of her. Explain to her that you want her to have a day to herself where she doesn't have to think about anything but herself.

[CosmicCowboy]

We have been together for 6 years and about 8 months.

Ever heard the expression "seven year itch?" ?

[Twisted_Dawg]

I wish Miami Heat's gf was a Poster here so I could hear her side of the story from her.

Ain't that the truth! Except this thread would explode to 50 pages overnight.

Something about relationship threads and going to heaven bring it out.

[timvp]

I don't really know how MiamiHeat thinks he can fool us into thinking that it's entirely her idea to spend all her time next to him, when he made it clear that if she spends 25 minutes away from him without accounting for it, she gets in trouble.

/thread

Add in that he specifically remember her being away for a couple hours at a time and it's pretty damn obvious what is happening. She's "free to do anything she wants" but god forbid she takes too long heating up a pizza. Or she's late showing up at her hearing or scheduled meeting or whatever he wants to call it.

She doesn't want to be with him every waking second. She just knows that being next to him is the only way she won't have to go through the pain of him bringing up ancient history to torture her.

He's suffocating her. She's trying to pull away so he reacts by suffocating her by passive aggressive means.

This will end ugly.

[jack sommerset]

MiamiHeat probably tells his girlfriend he will kill himself if she ever left.

[baseline bum]

Take her on a vacation or something. Show her you appreciate her and break up the monotony. Actions speak louder than words always. If she doesn't want to go on a vacation then you're really fucked.

[I. Hustle]

I'd like to hear her side of the story if he ever took the locks off the doors and the boards off the windows.

[Trainwreck2100]

/thread


He's suffocating her. She's trying to pull away so he reacts by suffocating her by passive aggressive means.

This will end ugly.

exactly passive aggressive is for pussies, if he's going to suffocate someone he's got to be aggressive aggressive

[JoeChalupa]

Good luck.

[MaNuMaNiAc]

Anybody care to count how many times the words "I, me, my" appear in this fucker's posts?

Two things:

1) Get the fuck over yourself
2) Let her go! (For her sake)

[4down]

Answers have been laid out ad nauseum, but here's how I see it.

MH is trying to fix the problem in this ruined relationship.

MH fails to see that HE is the problem.

Relationship is doomed unless MH realizes they both need space and he takes time to work on himself. (counterintuitive, because this guy's biggest problem is selfishness, but really goes with the tide. as she seems to be begging for space)

Trash the video games, hit the gym, and go make other friends. You're gonna need them whether she dumps your ass or not. Unfortuantely, that's probably not your forte. I bet you don't have many friends besides each other now. (ST and other forum posters dont count unless you spend time interacting in real time and more obviously, in person.)

My prediction:

MH continues to make lame excuses about how everyones advice doesn't apply and his woman is the problem. Misery ensues (well, continues). (You might be temporarily miserable without each other if you give her space - but at least there would be a purpose in it and really - you both need it. But if you don't take steps to become the man she should want to be with, it'll be a much more permanent and pointless type of misery)

[MiamiHeat]

MiamiHeat probably tells his girlfriend he will kill himself if she ever left.

Other way around. She used to always tell me that when I wanted to break up during the start of our relationship.

Anyway, I just gave her a lot of space and left. I told her I blame myself and that I cannot keep trying alone. I love her very much and still want to try, I always will, but if she doesn't feel it, I can't do anything anymore.

So, about 6 hours later (she went to sleep after I left), she calls me and gives me kisses and says I love you I love you, before I even say a word on the phone.

She is getting better now. She was just depressed. It took me leaving and not being around her trying to help her for her to finally snap out of it.

[MiamiHeat]

Answers have been laid out ad nauseum, but here's how I see it.


I don't blame her. I don't see where you got that. We are happy, playful carefree happy, and never have any problems until I overreact by getting sad and saying something like "I lost faith in you" when she does something. Fixing that, we are perfect for each other. She knows it and willingly says it even during her depression.

And the relationship is not ruined. She's better now and is willingly wanting to be with me and be loving again. I stopped spending time with her the past 2 days, stopped trying to cheer her up. I just said I love her and will continue to try if she wants to, I told her she knows how happy we have always been, and that this problem was primarily my fault because I dragged it on for this long. I left and apparently, that snapped her out of it.

You guys are way too judgemental on me. I have been a very good man to her. This is the worst thing I have ever done, in 6 and a half years.

I think the problem is I really need to be careful of the things I say when I feel insecure. Just be loving, completely trust her again like I did when she met me, and that's that.

[I. Hustle]

Other way around. She used to always tell me that when I wanted to break up during the start of our relationship.

Anyway, I just gave her a lot of space and left. I told her I blame myself and that I cannot keep trying alone. I love her very much and still want to try, I always will, but if she doesn't feel it, I can't do anything anymore.

So, about 6 hours later (she went to sleep after I left), she calls me and gives me kisses and says I love you I love you, before I even say a word on the phone.

She is getting better now. She was just depressed. It took me leaving and not being around her trying to help her for her to finally snap out of it.

SIX HOURS?! That is it? F'n loser

[gatoloco]

this shit is about as real at Tparks girlfriends.

[MiamiHeat]

SIX HOURS?! That is it? F'n loser

wha? I don't get the joke right now

I left, she called me on her own will. She spammed my home line and then spammed my cell phone until I woke up.

[CosmicCowboy]

Other way around. She used to always tell me that when I wanted to break up during the start of our relationship.

Anyway, I just gave her a lot of space and left. I told her I blame myself and that I cannot keep trying alone. I love her very much and still want to try, I always will, but if she doesn't feel it, I can't do anything anymore.

So, about 6 hours later (she went to sleep after I left), she calls me and gives me kisses and says I love you I love you, before I even say a word on the phone.

She is getting better now. She was just depressed. It took me leaving and not being around her trying to help her for her to finally snap out of it.

Classic passive/aggressive bullshit. You suck.

[MiamiHeat]

Classic passive/aggressive bullshit. You suck.

Lol, so what did you want me to say?

"I don't want to be with you anymore, bye"

?

lol. funny guy. I told her the truth. I love her, and still want to try, but if she doesn't feel it, I can't do anything anymore. and then I left her.

what more should i have done then

Sometimes, problems arise in a relationship. No long-term relationship is free from it. Each person makes mistakes, the important thing is that each person loves each other, is dedicated to each other, that you are compatible, and does not/has not ever done anything to willingly hurt the other.

We both have always respected, loved, cared, and everything for each other. The fact that I let my hurt/insecure trust problem from a long time ago still carry over is MY fault.

Yes, she shouldn't leave me waiting for an hour, either. But that DOES NOT warrant me turning into the defensive/insecure guy. I fixed that.

We all make mistakes. I have always been unselfish to her, in every decision. When she was worried about a career in art, she wanted to be able to help us have even more money so we could fulfill all our dreams together. I told her no, do your passion. Don't allow your father to pressure you to be a doctor like him. If you like art, do it. I will be interested and always help you and enjoy it.

I have been a good man, I sincerely look back and know that if she were to look at our relationship, my biggest mistake was allowing my insecurity to drag on for this long. In -everything else-, I have always treated her above myself. However, she knows I am a cold turkey type of man. If I decide something, I do it. and she has proof of it over and over again. This problem is over.


Relationships take work, they are not easy sometimes. The only people who stay together and are happily married after 50 years are those who had to work at it. They will tell you themselves.

[TDMVPDPOY]

miamiheat guy should go out on his front lawn and scratch his face....


/thread

[MiamiHeat]

miamiheat guy should go out on his front lawn and scratch his face....


/thread

you are emo?

[marini martini]

miamiheat guy should go out on his front lawn and scratch his face....
while screaming "FUCK" as loud as he can over, and over, and over.
:lmao

/thread

[ploto]

Re-read what you have written.


It took me leaving and not being around her trying to help her for her to finally snap out of it.

I left and apparently, that snapped her out of it.

You think it took something YOU did to "fix" her depression problem.


Fixing that, we are perfect for each other.
Not a realistic expectation.


I have always treated her above myself.
You have an image of what she is supposed to be and she can't live up to that. That is actually a facet of your narcissism.


I overreact by getting sad and saying something like "I lost faith in you" when she does something.
You are manipulative by telling her that you lose faith in her every time she does something that does not meet with your "approval."

[Bigzax]

miami heat and faith issues? whodathunk!

[I. Hustle]

wha? I don't get the joke right now

I left, she called me on her own will. She spammed my home line and then spammed my cell phone until I woke up.

Spammed your home line? Spammed your cell? Get a f'n life and get off the damn internet so much you loser.

[manufan10]

Originally Posted by TDMVPDPOY http://spurstalk.com/forums/images/Style_Templates/Club/viewpost.gif (http://spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?p=3679100#post3679100)
miamiheat guy should go out on his front lawn and scratch his face....
while screaming "FUCK" as loud as he can over, and over, and over.
:lmao

/thread


This.

[JudynTX]

I am so glad I never have to worry about stuff like this, ever.

[DoubtingThomas]

miami heat and faith issues? whodathunk!



:tu :lol

[mrsmaalox]

Other way around. She used to always tell me that when I wanted to break up during the start of our relationship.

Anyway, I just gave her a lot of space and left. I told her I blame myself and that I cannot keep trying alone. I love her very much and still want to try, I always will, but if she doesn't feel it, I can't do anything anymore.

So, about 6 hours later (she went to sleep after I left), she calls me and gives me kisses and says I love you I love you, before I even say a word on the phone.

She is getting better now. She was just depressed. It took me leaving and not being around her trying to help her for her to finally snap out of it.

I imagine you've used this guilt trip defense to solve many other "problems" in your relationship.

[Kriz-Maxima]

Classic passive/aggressive bullshit. You suck.

I was about to comment just that CC.

[MiamiHeat]

some nasty posters in here

I bet some don't even have girlfriends and never even had a relationship last that long

[MiamiHeat]

You have an image of what she is supposed to be and she can't live up to that. That is actually a facet of your narcissism.

I completely understand that view point. To be fair though, the only thing I have asked of her is to not leave me waiting for hours (in this case only 1 hour, but I already admitted overreacting) when we are supposed to meet.

Is that so horrible? I don't think it ever warrants my reaction, but I am not doing this out of nowhere. I am not evil or something. I was hurt by her a long time ago and then I dragged it out unintentionally. So now when she is late for a long time, and I don't know where she is, I got paranoid. It's dumb really, I shouldn't have done that. Life's too short to be worrying. I know that. I easily fix it.

Anyway, I admit my mistake and have given her my heart and trust again 100% again.



You are manipulative by telling her that you lose faith in her every time she does something that does not meet with your "approval."

I don't tell her I lost faith in her every time. This is the first time I have ever said it to her in my life. The other times, I get self-destructive, I ask her things like "Why?"

and

"Are you sure you want this relationship? Do you want to break up?"

By the way, she asked me to stop bringing up the "Do you want to break up?" question because she doesn't even like to think of it. I stopped doing it after she asked.

So it's not like I'm some horrible manipulative guy here. I KNOW I am a good man, who in this case, made a big mistake that drained her of her energy and threw her into a depression.

I also think she suffers from depression anyway. Most of the time I have to walk on egg shells because if even the tone of my voice changes to non-happy, she starts asking me "Is everything ok? Your voice changed, are you happy?" and I always re-assure her, yes everything is fine, I am just x. x = tired, laid back, etc.

I don't mind any of this though. We are usually always happy and very satisfied together. We can talk for 2-3 hours everyday even after 6 and a half years. Sometimes, we look at the time, and I say "Wow, we have been just talking for 2 hours. Even after all this time, we still love each other and talk like when we first met." and she is happy and loves that about us.

[JudynTX]

some nasty posters in here

I bet some don't even have girlfriends and never even had a relationship last that long

You're probably right, but you can't expect to get a nice answer here.

[Mugshot]

You're probably right, but you can't expect to get a nice answer here.

You gotta know where to go.

:king

[lint]

You're probably right, but you can't expect to get a nice answer here.


He's dished out some nasty responses of his own in other threads so he shouldn't be surprised at all.

[manufan10]

some nasty posters in here

I bet some don't even have girlfriends and never even had a relationship last that long

Some of us don't lock them up, chain them up, keep them in a shed in the back yard, or get butt hurt when they're gone for awhile either.

[MiamiHeat]

Some of us don't lock them up, chain them up, keep them in a shed in the back yard, or get butt hurt when they're gone for awhile either.

Aren't you the Garrido guy?

[JudynTX]

He's dished out some nasty responses of his own in other threads so he shouldn't be surprised at all.

Just sayin.... :lol

[manufan10]

Aren't you the Garrido guy?

No, but I believe you are pretty damn close to it. :toast

[ploto]

So it's not like I'm some horrible manipulative guy here.

You can be manipulative in many ways and much of what you have written is very indicative of your being controlling. Being passive-aggressive is one of the most common ways people manipulate.

Like this line:


I told her I blame myself and that I cannot keep trying alone.
The second half of that sentence in no way matches the first half whereby you claim to have taken responsibility.

[MiamiHeat]

If i am doing that, it's not intentional. I just want her to know I am not giving up, just like she didn't give up on us back during the start of our relationship. She was/is in a state of depression, if I give up and don't re-assure her that I want to stay together and will do my best, then she will be negative.

[SpursGirl21]

I am not evil or something.

You told the Jesus lovers in this forum how full of shit they was, your not evil at all!




Life's too short to be worrying. I know that. I easily fix it.According to you man evolves again and again so your life is not short you will just come back as a fish or a Gorilla.



I don't tell her I lost faith in her Show her a few of your Darwin posts let her see the faith you really have.



So it's not like I'm some horrible manipulative guy here. I KNOW I am a good man,Your Good alright you spend most of your life worshiping Darwin the rest of it watching Zeitgeist



. We can talk for 2-3 hours everyday even after 6 and a half years.3-4 hours? Fuck! How long does it take to sell her on your mind opening Evolution theories? I gave in after only reading 5 of your posts!


some nasty posters in here


You want nasty go check out the Jesus is just a myth a waste of time posts you made in the 100s of Evolution topics.




You guys are way too judgemental on meIf you say MR. Zeitgeist .


At least I can say you finally did prove Evolution is real!

you somehow evolved from a Prick to a real douche! :lmao

[Daniel Plainview]

People of the club I won't waste your time...
I normally don't respond to these type topics and I have no intentions on making my son suffer anymore than he already has reading seven pages of bullshit!.
But being in the oil bussness as long as I have I can say, if this MiamiHeat fellow would spend less time worrying and more time drilling he could be a wealthy man.

[JoeChalupa]

People of the club I won't waste your time...
I normally don't respond to these type topics and I have no intentions on making my son suffer anymore than he already has reading seven pages of bullshit!.
But being in the oil bussness as long as I have I can say, if this MiamiHeat fellow would spend less time worrying and more time drilling he could be a wealthy man.


Maybe he is just too slick for his own good.

[I. Hustle]

some nasty posters in here

I bet some don't even have girlfriends and never even had a relationship last that long

The funny thing is that most of us that are calling you a dumbass are married.




Dumbass

[JoeChalupa]

Perhaps a little faith wouldn't hurt? Works for us.

[half a man]

MiamiHeat you need to be all man not half a man!

[I. Hustle]

http://lollost815.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/lolcat49415911.jpg

[Alex Jones]

http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p55/RackTheMouse/miami-man.jpg

[JoeChalupa]

:lmao

[mouse]

Hang in there Miamiheat sometimes change takes time!

http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p55/RackTheMouse/darwin_dang_idea.jpg

[I. Hustle]

http://rofl.wheresthebeef.co.uk/Emo%20Kid%2001.jpg

[DisgruntledLionFan#54,927]

Still don't buy it.

[Re-Animator]

http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p55/RackTheMouse/emo-blood2.gif

[manufan10]

MiamiHeat and his "girl"

http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2008/1/22jan23-leash-girl.jpg

[CosmicCowboy]

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s104/Lloyd_Humph/emo.jpg

[whottt]

Her telling him she was going to kill herself is manipulative as hell...that's the ultimate act of manipulation. I realize she probably wasn't being intentionally manipulative, and she probably doesn't even realize it was manipulative, just like he's not really aware of how what he does his maniplation when he's doing it, but that doesn't change the fact that it was extremely manipulative. It's basically holding him hostage.


I'm not defending him but it's BS to say he's manipulative when she got him to stay in a relationship by doing that.


Regardless of what you want Heat, if she's got that deal of threatening suicide, she needs more help than a relationship. You will not find happily ever after down that road.

[I. Hustle]

I'm not defending him but it's BS to say he's manipulative when she got him to stay in a relationship by doing that.

Nah, she's a dumb bitch too. Both of them are idiot emo fags.

[E-1101]

You only need three things to fix any relationship


http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/PE/470008.jpg







http://www.virtual-vibrator.com/vibe-anim66.gif









http://lamar.colostate.edu/~hillger/products/klondike.jpg

[Twisted_Dawg]

Okay, all you ST posters that have chimmed in or followed this thread.....

We ave not heard the girlfriend's story, but does it sound like one or both of these persons is a serious co-dependent?

[MiamiHeat]

eh

[SpursGirl21]

I thought Miamiheat was a stud! :depressed

[Laker Lanny]

Updates?

[King]

This is the worst thing I have ever done, in 6 and a half years..

I think the problem is more that you've been doing this FOR 6 and a half years. You're manipulative and controlling. You've broken her.

You're not going to change, you're going to say just enough to get her to let her guard down, and then you're going to mind f her again.

"I've lost in faith in you."

Give me an break. I don't think the picture with the leash is too far from the truth.

[holcs50]

Good Lord, haha, I just read the first 3 pages of this thread and all I can say is my head and stomach hurt. The OPs "problem" and how he thinks he can deal with it and deal with relationship situations is puzzling to say the least, and how this has gone on 9 pages/and some of the great responses are pure comedy.

Shit isn't rocket science, at 26, I would expect a person to at least understand how to treat others, remember the golden rule? IF anything it sounds like you being with a chick that long has obviously neglected you from figuring out yourself first/or at least a grasp on basic communication/social skills. I would suggest you take a break from what seems an odd relationship, and not odd in a good way.

[Judge Judy]

"l have 3 sons so l know you are no gift! You're not even good looking!!"

[Jeff Probst]

Are we going to get any updates or was this all BS?

[MiamiHeat]

She was clinically depressed. We are fine, and I'm helping her through it combined with therapy from a psychiatrist + meds.

Her mother is a diagnosed bipolar. Mother takes meds daily for the past 10 years for it...

She had never given me problems like this before, but she was always a little overly sensitive. I have to really be careful of overreacting with her from now on.

[Whisky Dog]

Women are sensitive and read into things all f'd up all the time. Life has problems. It's just standard procedure.

[marini martini]

Women are sensitive and read into things all f'd up all the time.

Speak for yourself!!!!
:lol

[mrsmaalox]

She was clinically depressed. We are fine, and I'm helping her through it combined with therapy from a psychiatrist + meds.

Her mother is a diagnosed bipolar. Mother takes meds daily for the past 10 years for it...

She had never given me problems like this before, but she was always a little overly sensitive. I have to really be careful of overreacting with her from now on.

And it's still all about you right? The cycle continues......

[MiamiHeat]

dumb comment maalox.

The thread in this internet forum IS about me, missy. It's MY outlet, MY place to vent. So yeah, it's about me. I'm here to deal with MY problems on the internet with strangers, away from my family so when I go back to real life, I can be strong for her and my family and do whatever has to be done to help her.

I'm not here to make you feel better or walk on egg shells with mrsmaalox on SpursTalk so that she can hear what she wants.

[ploto]

She had never given me problems like this before...


And it's still all about you right? The cycle continues......

Same line jumped out at me, too. Is he talking about his girlfriend or his dog- definitely not about someone he treats as an equal. I just don't think he will ever get it.

[MiamiHeat]

I have been suffering from depression on and off for over 2 years now and so I recognise all these signs as I had them myself.
I know that there are certain types of depression and they are usually caused by 1) something major in your life that needs sorted out 2) a chemical imbalance in the brain. Lets rule out number 2 and say that something in her life needs sorted out. The only major change in her life recently is that she has started back at school after the summer to do highers. She is always telling me about how hard it is and how much work she has although she always manages to get it done and is doing quite well from marks she is currently receiving. She has what you might call an unruley younger sister who seems to get preferential treatment from her parents and I have seen this for myself (but she makes it sound a lot worse than it is!). The only other thing is she is not happy with our relationship. We love each other very much but the actual relationship has become rather boring and pretty much a routine. You may remember my post about it.

The thing is it is a viscious circle now. I am pretty sure the relationship is causing all or part of this depressed behaviour and in turn is making it worse i.e. being bored, not wanting to do anything, being tired etc. Now because I have been suffering from depression myself on and off, I am getting worried that this might tip me back into it and so make her worse and make me worse etc etc. I have touched on the subject with her and she says that its just because she is having trouble sleeping. I know a lot of people go through some type of insomnia in their lives but what she describes is an exact symptom of depression. It is being very tired all day then at night going to bed and sleeping straight away out of sheer exhaustion but then only to wake up in the early hours, around 4 or 5am and not being able to get fully back to sleep, and then it's time to get up. This is exactly what I had. I am pretty convinced she has depression but I'm not sure she realises it. What can I do? I am very worried about her and our relationship. If I am wrong and bring it up with her it could really damage our relationship. I am quite sure that some of you may suggest counselling which I too think might be a good idea but as I said I'm not sure she realises anything is wrong, it could just hurt her and damage our relationship, I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare but I thought nah forget it. I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie yo holmes smell ya later I looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne


We are fine now though.

[MiamiHeat]

Same line jumped out at me, too. Is he talking about his girlfriend or his dog- definitely not about someone he treats as an equal. I just don't think he will ever get it.

YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT

wtf, what a weirdo you are to make quick judgements off of 1 situation

[Extra Stout]

I know that there are certain types of depression and they are usually caused by 1) something major in your life that needs sorted out 2) a chemical imbalance in the brain. Lets rule out number 2 and say that something in her life needs sorted out.
.
.
.
The only other thing is she is not happy with our relationship. We love each other very much but the actual relationship has become rather boring and pretty much a routine. You may remember my post about it.
.
.
.
The thing is it is a viscious circle now. I am pretty sure the relationship is causing all or part of this depressed behaviour and in turn is making it worse i.e. being bored, not wanting to do anything, being tired etc.


We are fine now though.

http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/nile-river-2.jpg

[MiamiHeat]

Yes good example, our love is like the wonderful Nile River. Lasts forever and brings life and celebration to the hearts of people

[E-1101]

Maybe you should change the name of the topic from: Need relationship advice

To: I don't want Need relationship advice so keep your fucking comments to yourself

After reading only three pages I felt like killing myself or taking medication. I guess the only escape this poor girl has if you die or she joins witness protection and starts a new life in Canada.

I must admit I like they way your in control. I can just see you later in life as she catches you in bed with another person (notice I didn't say female) and you tell your wife it's all in her head take more pills. I like your game plan!

You got a good thing going don"t fuck it up! :tu

[MiamiHeat]

I would never do that to her, no jokes please

[marini martini]

It's time t' walk t' plank matey!!! Arrrrrrrrrr!

:D

[Fpoonsie]

It's time t' walk t' plank matey!!! Arrrrrrrrrr!

:D

:lol

I'm gonna do my best to "celebrate" today at work. My customers will either find me charmingly quirky...or file a complaint.

[Desert Plains]

:lol

I'm gonna do my best to "celebrate" today at work. My customers will either find me charmingly quirky...or file a complaint.

If you customers the opposite on how you treat mouse they will be very happy! :tu

[Fpoonsie]

If you customers the opposite on how you treat mouse they will be very happy! :tu

huh?

[Desert Plains]

http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/nile-river-2.jpg

/thread

[marini martini]

:lol

I'm gonna do my best to "celebrate" today at work. My customers will either find me charmingly quirky...or file a complaint.

Here's your Pirate translator..........................:toast


http://www.fissio.com/pirate.pl

[Fpoonsie]

Here's your Pirate translator..........................:toast


http://www.fissio.com/pirate.pl

:bang I actually tried to translate more than once.

:lol

[MiamiHeat]

I am feeling better now thanks to your comedy about pirates, thanks. It helps to calm me down

[marini martini]

Aar! That joint be mine, old father!:hat

[I. Hustle]

:corn:
SO who is banging this broad now?

[Ignignokt]

Wow this thread seemed to have brought all the inner cucks out like Timvp and Extra Stout. I don't know any guy who likes their liberated female dissapearing for hours hanging out with some other dude.

Dude, you have to be one of those retarded outdated male chauvanist to think that MiamiHeat is being the controlling one here when it's obvious that cunt blackmailed him into love through suicide. Are you guys retarded.(yeah i know i forgot the question mark, because it's not a question douchewipe)

Now, i understand the cynicism about the girl wanting to be with the guy all the time. I mean heaven forbid if there are "needy" girls out there who have physcological issues, daddy issues, can't have any female friends cuz they're total bitches, always need a man in their life. Nah, to Extra Stout and Timvp, those girls don't exist. Females are total saints, and need their integrity protected.

I bet Timvp and Extra Stout would sacrifice their family quilt so that a dainty woman doesn't have to step in a distressing puddle, O dear Lawd have mercy..

I mean, cmon don't you all see it guys! When MH's girlfriend threatened him with suicide and MH decided to stay with the girl, that was just MH being all passive agressive. He should have just walked away and let her slice her wrist! Nah, but he's a controlling mudafukah who is all into saving lives and shit.

You guys are hilarious. I mean not to say MH isn't 60 or 70 percent of the problem, but cmon! The chick tried to blackmail him or guilt him into loving her, somehow on spurstalk that makes the guy the controlling manipulating passive agressive asshole.

Btw, you see. This is why many of you thought The RJ trade was a success. By believing these guys 100 percent like the true sheeple you are.

ANd btw MiamiHeat, you should have never hooked up with that girl, infact you should leave her. It will be better for you and her. If she loves you, she loves. If she don't she don't.

[I. Hustle]

lol @ serious comments this late.

[Ignignokt]

I didn't have time earlier this fall to comment on it.

But yeah.... you did resurface this thread.

[I. Hustle]

I did for fun. We all said that they are both idiots. We slammed him because he is on here. If she was on here she would get slammed by us more than she already does by guys other than MiamiHeat.

[MiamiHeat]

LMAO this thread is full of epic fucking win.

awesome

[John Kerry]

The best part is how MiamiHeat went back and edited all the posts that make him look like a complete twat.

[MiamiHeat]

That was because I was very hurt by the responses in here. I am very appalled at how people can behave towards someone else's misery. Do you have no decency?

Do you have no compassion? How can you make fun of my misery???

It's INHUMAN and CRUEL. I deserve to be helped, so please, no jokes. I just needed real advice.

[marini martini]

LoL@ "giving up the family quilt" :lmao

[Reheated Pizza]

Man, I remember when this went down like it was yesterday. We're better off without her bro. We lost faith in her anyways. the hoes love our PT Cruiser anyways.

[I. Hustle]

I didn't even see the posts after my last one lol. He really went back and changed ALL his posts?! :lol :lmao

[MiamiHeat]

Man, I remember when this went down like it was yesterday. We're better off without her bro. We lost faith in her anyways. the hoes love our PT Cruiser anyways.

Fact is, if a bitch can't do what she's told fast enough, she gets the pimp hand

gotta put these hoe's in their place.