Need Some Clarification

[MavericksDynasty]

I'm 99.9% positive this is a dead-end, but been plagued by thoughts of "What if you're wrong?" so I just need that 0.01% confirmation that I've read this situation correctly.

A woman at my job started paying me lots of attention a few months ago. Extended flirtation ensued. We went out for drinks once after work. At the end I said I had a good time/wanted to do it again, and she replied with "Yeah, maybe."

After that, I made an effort to not pay her much attention and dated other women. She always initiates interaction between us. If I'm online, she IMs me. A couple of weeks ago she IMs me while I'm at home, and she just bukkaked the word "friendship" all over me: "I really enjoy your friendship, you are such a great friend, I am so lucky to have you as a friend, you always understand, thanks for being such a great friend, etc..." Barf.

Around the same time, one day I was walking by her office and she gets my attention. She flagged me down to tell me that she had contacted her ex-bf of 2 years to go out for a beer. I asked her if she wanted to get back together with him, and she said "Oh, I don't know what I want. We're friends. I just want to make sure I'm not passing anything up." I don't want to be this woman's therapist or shoulder to cry on, so lately I've stayed off facebook completely and gone out of my way to not walk by her office.

Last week I had to go to her office for professional, work-related reasons. I put it off all week until my boss started asking me why I hadn't taken care of this assignment. While I was in there, she let it slip that she and her ex-bf were going to a concert together that wkend. So I tried to play it off casual like "Oh, sounds like you two are reconnecting romantically" without sounding upset, and she said "We went out for a beer and nothing happened. We're friends for now. I don't know what I want."

I like this woman, and we have good chemistry, but I am not going to be her therapist or shoulder to cry on. Guys will tell women about other women to make them jealous, but do women do this? My gut tells me I need to move on and forget about her. I've stayed offline and have been going out of my way to avoid her office. If I don't see her for a day at work, she'll im me and be like "Where ya been? You've been hiding." There's no question she's noticed my absence for a whole week.

I figure it's a bad idea to tell her about my feelings for her, but I would if I thought it would lead to success. I just want to know if I'm making the right decision to walk away, or if I should double down and tell her how I feel. It's been awhile now since she's tried to pull the shoulder to cry on routine, since I've been unavailable, and I resolved to tell her the next time that happened that if we were going to be friends, we couldn't be that kind of friends. She pays me a lot of attention, but lately it's of the co-dependency kind, and I've learned through experience that being a woman's therapist does not lead to romance. Hence I've been trying to avoid her. I appreciate any advice you have to offer.

[angel_luv]

Move on. If she liked you in a romantic way she would not be going out with another guy, much less giving you recaps of her dates with him.
She wouldn't unless she is stupid, in which case you should not date her anyway.

[mrsmaalox]

She may be playing games with you. If I were you, I'd take a no games approach. Next time she asks where you've been, be honest. Tell her that you aren't comfortable being her shoulder because the situation with her ex is none of your business. And tell her that when she resolves that, either dumps him or reconciles, if she wants to be friends with you that's cool. I suspect that if she is using him to try to peak your interest she will make her "decision" right away. If not, then you know her interests are elsewhere, and you can move along.

[Twisted_Dawg]

Her relationship is on the rocks with her boyfriend. She is trying to establish rebound boyfriends in case her relationship ends quickly. I suspect when she was real friendly with you, her relationship with her boyfriend was near death. Now it could have been temporiarily resuscitated which explains why she went friend on you.

There is the possibility she was interested in you, but saw something in you that turned her off from a romantic trist to that of being a "good friend".

[MavericksDynasty]

Her relationship is on the rocks with her boyfriend. She is trying to establish rebound boyfriends in case her relationship ends quickly. I suspect when she was real friendly with you, her relationship with her boyfriend was near death. Now it could have been temporiarily resuscitated which explains why she went friend on you.

There is the possibility she was interested in you, but saw something in you that turned her off from a romantic trist to that of being a "good friend".

She's currently single. Her ex-bf is somebody that she dated for 2 years, but they broke up about a year ago.

[Trainwreck2100]

she fucked her ex

[Bigzax]

you gotta deal with these chics straight up.

you say when your done with your ex and you want to party, lemme know.

get your feelings out of it asap.

[TDMVPDPOY]

i cant give you professional advice atm

but at least you can post up a pic of her on here...

so we can further assess this......


ps. im really a professional love guru........

[whottt]

Tell her you're not interested in being her friend, that you just want sex and if there isn't going to be any you aren't really interested in pursuing any sort of relationship with her.



It's the truth right?

Never blow smoke up your own ass about what you want....


She probably already knows this BTW. So what does it tell you that she knows you are interested in her yet talks about her bf and pulls the friends card?

Fucked in the head...at least where you are concerned.





When you get to the point where you actually are just interested in being friends, you'll be amazed at how many women you meet want to be more than friends.


Just the fact that she doesn't realize how fucking lame her friendship schtick is pretty much means she's clueless. Tell her it just wasn't meant to be, that it's you, not her, and then say goodbye.


Basically you are in a tug of war for your balls.....best to keep them, IMO.

[DisgruntledLionFan#54,927]

You're her backup plan. Maybe one of many.

She does just enough to keep you interested without having to really put herself out there i.e. swallow your cack.

Run.

Now.

[Kriz-Maxima]

Bah, she is either playing games with your or she is honestly not interest in you at all. Either way its not convenient for you given your interest, I'd stay away if I were you. Unless an opportunity to fuck comes along and you want to take advantage of it, but always keep in mind that she is not serious about you.

*Completely unprofessional opinion*

[CuckingFunt]

She's clearly either playing games/keeping her options open, or completely oblivious to the fact that you have feelings for her or are interested in pursuing her (which is entirely possible -- I know we have a reputation for being manipulative harpies, but sometimes we're just dumb and don't pick up on what you might think are obvious cues).

That being said, playing the avoidance game and randomly dropping out of her life/social circle without a word of explanation is stupid as it makes things unnecessarily confusing and uncomfortable for the both of you. Especially in a work setting. Tell her, politely and honestly, that you dig her and aren't interested in hearing about her other romantic interests and give her the opportunity to be honest about how she sees you within her life. If she's playing games, your confrontation would likely be enough to make her see she hasn't got a willing playmate and you can neatly walk away from the whole situation knowing where you stand. If she's just oblivious, your honesty will not only let her know how you feel, but should also jump start a conversation that makes her own feelings clearer to both of you.

[exstatic]

Don't shit where you eat. Is your job more important than this prospective tail? Yes? Then leave it alone. This shit can turn into a harassment claim like that and cost you your job. She sounds like a psycho hose beast. That + work environment = disaster.

[MavericksDynasty]

That being said, playing the avoidance game and randomly dropping out of her life/social circle without a word of explanation is stupid as it makes things unnecessarily confusing and uncomfortable for the both of you.

I guess the only way to explain it is that as a guy, if you're going to put yourself out there, you have to have thick skin. You're going to hear no a lot more than you're going to hear yes. It's ultimately a numbers game. There's any number of people that you would be compatible with, as opposed to there being only The One. It's not advisable to get emotionally invested in outcomes.

That's easier said than done sometimes. This one just really bugged the hell out of me for some reason. Sometimes it's really painful to be constantly exposed to something that you want and can't have. That said, I'm not going to go out of my way to avoid her anymore.

[I. Hustle]

Ask her out for a drink then when the time seems right and you are alone and things seem comfortable whip it out. If she attacks it then she might be in to you. If she excuses herself and does not return then it wasn't meant to be.