Worst gas you've ever had. (and social setting)

[Fabbs]

1st category is anywhere. Hey you might have been in the hospital and couldn't help it.

2nd category is akward social situation. In place and with people(s) that you really, really did not want to fart around.

Me
1st. I'd have to say it was when i was on an all veg detox diet for a week or so. Ungodly. I think brocoli was the catalyst.

2nd. I was at a small neighborhood grocery store whereupon one of the items i needed to search for was down an isle that dead ended. I had to look on the bottom shelf as the label was hard to read, and so crouched down like a baseball catcher to read the label. The crouch caused a bubble to pop, i had no control over stopping it hence some stenchified gas leaked out. Thinking i was thankfully safe and alone, as the gas rose it came straight up to nostril height and rising. My laugh caused me to rock back a little bit. Whereupon......previously unbeknownst to me, a female shopper had quietly came down the same isle to look at the exact same shelf and was hovering right over me, almost like an umpire over a catcher. As i rocked back my back hit her knee and i looked up stunned and knew i was busted.

So lets hear your stories. True ones please.

"I can drive people out of a car"

"Big deal, that's not that bad of gas"

"A moving car". :lol

[redskinfan]

a few years back at a company christmas party at Don Pedros I ate a chile relleno dinner, well the next day they sent a new guy to ride along with me for his first day,well i was passing gas early and often and it was the most rank smell ever and it lasted for at least 6 hours, I felt so bad for this guy and it was a very cold day out so opening the windows froze our asses off, he told me the next day he had to burn his clothes.......

[Fabbs]

i've never passed gas


ever
So you're just on the smelling end of it.

[TDMVPDPOY]

i usually fart in front of the parents or when helping preparing the food...lol they know they dont want to eat it, but hey cant let food goto waste

[phyzik]

I was working on someone's computer in their office, I thought they had gone to lunch or something. I let one out that smelled like death incarnate and not a split second after the bastard decides to walk in. :lol

[Spurminator]

Right now, at work.

It's unreal, I'm telling you.

[JMarkJohns]

Ate a ton of sushi, went to class for three hours... bad idea. It wasn't even the fart gas. It was the stomach gurgling kind. Which sucked, since I was sitting in very close proximity to a number of women I had either photographed, would photograph or wanted to photograph. Farts you can hold in. Gurgling stomachs sound just as gross and have a mind of their own and there's nothing you can do about it.

[jman3000]

I'm lactose intolerant. So basically anytime I drink milk I'll have the most pungent gas you could imagine.

I knew this guy a few years ago who was a premie and only had half a colon. For some reason this made his gas incredibly bad. It was so bad that if you were in a car you'd actually feel the temperature get a bit warmer.

[ivanfromwestwood]

about ten years ago i had this good looking girl stayed the night with me. after sex she went to sleep and i stayed up. it was very quite in the room. several minutes later she let out a man size fart and it was loud and smelled bad. i laughed so hard i nearly pissed myself. i told her the next day and she was in denial. we never hooked up after that.

[stretch]

it was a fina

my car was totally fucked. had to rebuild the engine because the gas was so bad

ha

[RGMCSE]

Whats up guys I lurk around here a lot but when I saw this thread I had to join in on the hillarities. So I became ill with like flu or something. For what ever reason this was accompanied by the worst rotten egg pressurized farts that you can imagine. Everyone knows the kind, the kind that are so freaking audible that you could win bass competitions with and then just release toxic gas after the thunderous explosion.

So I'm in the ER for an hour or so and I finally get called into the room. The whole time I was waiting I was also holding in one of those montrous gas explosions in. As it turns out the nurse mentioned that I needed a shot. So I pull down my pants and she proceeds to inject the needle the size a freaking meat thermometer. Heres where it goes fucking nuts. Right as she injected that bad boy all I remember was seeing black with 2 little balls of white light. They started out apart and raced together till they met in the middle. Kind of like when you turned off one of those old school tube tvs that your grandma would have.

Anyways, it turns out that I fucking fainted and fell over as I got the shot. I woke up and smelled the worst smelly gassy smell in my life and my god was it so freaking potent. I was on the floor on my side as if I had falling asleep right in that room and was wondering what the fuck happened. I'm dazed and confused. A few minutes later the nurse come back and I ask her what the hell happened and shes covering her nose with her arm and long sleeve scrub and proceeded to tell me that I fainted and farted so she would be right back. The nurse was hot too, oh well fuck her.

Rob

[Bigzax]

:lol good stuff RGMCSE...

[RedsLakers24]

I Was at work, and im a waiter, i was taking someones order and i thought it was goiing to be a sllent one but it wasnt and i felt so embarrase cuz the client heard it and they started laughing

[ManuTP9]

I never have passed gas in public around people before because i have a good technique of holding mines in.

[CosmicCowboy]

I never have passed gas in public around people before because i have a good technique of holding mines in.

http://vote29.com/myblog/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/head_up_ass.jpe

[David Bowie]

I think most emberasing was was in 7th grade in the middle of the class. All the 7th grade boys started to make fun of me, and I started adimantly saying how it wasn't me :lol

[Crookshanks]

:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

OMG - that was some funny, funny stuff. I was laughing so hard I was crying! But I'm at work and had to keep the laughing silent - that's almost as hard as holding in the gas! :lol

[JamStone]

More of a generalized situation rather than a specific time, but back in my early 20s when I was drinking basically every weekend still, my friends and I would often hit up White Castle for some sliders and fries at like 3-4 a.m. after a night of drinking. Especially in the winter time where you have to use the blankets and comforter to keep warm where you'd trap all that beer/White Castle gas under the covers, and then first thing in the morning you lift the covers to get the rush of gas hit your face... priceless. Grotesque and vomit-inducing, but priceless nonetheless.

I can't think of a really good awkward situation except this one, which really wasn't all that awkward for me. I had an old college buddy I was visiting for a weekend, a long enough drive that I had to spend the night. After going out, we get back to his place where there's like 5 old college friends and some of my buddy's friends too just bullshitting, drinking some more, playing music. My buddy had a roommate he shared the house with that slept downstairs. Downstairs is also where he had some extra pull-out couches where I was going to crash. Anyway, I'm piss drunk and pass out on one of the pull out couches in the "living room" area of the downstairs area. His roommate was down there with a bunch of his friends, like a group of 5-6 of them, including a couple of girls. They're sitting maybe 15-20 feet away from where I'm passed out just bullshitting and drinking too. I pass out, but the next morning, apparently I put on a concert basically the whole time there. Mind you, none of those people I knew really at all, just met that night and not even all of them. I don't think I was even introduced to the girls. So while I was passed out, I was dropping agent orange all around the downstairs area. Again, I was passed out, so I didn't feel awkward about it at the time. Felt bad the next day, but oh well. Lol, so sorry for them...

[AmericanWoman]

Mine don't stink so I don't worry about it.

[phxspurfan]

Somebody laid a massive bomb in the elevator this afternoon. It was one of those where after the first 3 seconds after the door closes you notice, then you spend the next few seconds wondering how to position yourself when the door opens so they know it wasn't you.

[ferg]

i will share a story about a time i not only passed gas, but i did in fact shit myself.

Setting: Afghanistan '07

Situation: i woke up in the middle of my sleep with the combination of chills and sweatting you get only after eating at a bad mexican resturant on the south side. so i get up and do the clenched-ass-cheek-im-gonna-shit-myself-if-i-dont-stop-every-five-seconds walk about 100 meters to the latrine. well i get there and grab the trash can on my way to the can because i feel like i am about to throw up. i throw open the door to the toilet and try to take the trash can with me but it didnt fit so i yanked down my drawers as quickly as possible and prepare to sit on the toilet as im spraying the last five months of nasty chow hall food all over the place. then when i think im gonna be ok, i start throwing up as well. so im sittin there liquid coming out of every possible spot on my body when i call for a navy doc i had seen in there on my way in initially. he comes over and says "dude you are as white as the wall, get your ass to the infirmiry". i had him go to where i lived and get my buddy to bring me p.t. gear so i could get over there. well, i get there and they immediately lay me on one of those brown examining table/bed things and tell me they need to start an i.v. because i have became severly dehydrated and they needed to give me a shot in the ass. well, i was so dehydrated they couldnt get to a vain so they tell me to drink like three or four bottles of water. i get my second bottle of water down and the same feeling in my stomach comes back. so as i try to get up i let a loud fart rip, unwillingly, and feel a sudden warming sensation in my pants. well i start walking in the direction of the restroom when i get next to a medic and put my hand on his shoulder and say "bro im going to the....." *THUD* i saw the world fade out around me and came to on the floor with the doctor putting my legs up in the air and an airman (E3 im an E5) staring at me with a WTF just happend look on his face. all i could say is "doc im sorry" he asked me for what then i said "i am sorry for shitting myself" lol... may not be funny to some but i :lmao every time i think about it....

[CosmicCowboy]

I was hunting down in South Texas and had taken Friday off from work so I could hunt Friday and Saturday morning. I had to go back home mid day on Saturday because our kid was in private school and they were having a "Gala" that night and the kids mother was on the decorating committee. I was not getting out of that shit. Since I was coming back to town anyway my child's mother volunteered me to help "set up". OK. That's the background...

Anyway, since I was already there on Friday I cooked a dinner for the other guys that were driving in after work...A big spicy pot of cosmiccowboy pinto beans, Fried cabbage (bacon ends, cabbage, onions and lots of pepper cooked down in a huge pot) and some spicy cajun sausage...all stuff that could be warmed up as they trickled in...I was slammin shiners and sitting down with everybody as they came in and I would just grab another bowl of cabbage every time someone showed up and sit down and eat with them...went to bed, hunted till 8 and then hooked it to SA to do my civic duty and help "set up" the gala.

Stopped at Freer on the way back to SA at my favorite mom and pop hole in the wall and got 3 barbacoa tacos for the road. That turned out to be a serious lapse in judgment. I had always had good luck there before but bad barbacoa can be REALLY bad!

[CosmicCowboy]

Hit SA, ran by the office and got ladders, dollies, etc. and went straight to the hotel where they were throwing the gala. I walk in about 1 o'clock and as soon as I walk in it hits me...fuck...I'm the only guy here...

But it IS the cream of the fucking crop of all the private school mothers and wanna-be dictators of the gala world. Maybe 20 of them.

So I'm moving tables, hanging shit, moving shit back and forth because those fucking bitches couldn't agree on anything and then it was time to put out all the auction items. No problem right? I'm moving right along, going to peoples cars, hauling shit in, setting it up...

Meanwhile, those beans and cabbage from last night? Those bad barbacoa tacos? The Cajun sausage? All Those Shiners? They were conspiring to create some serious problems. I was starting to get those rumbling, rolling stomach growls.

Then, off to my left/back I hear one of the Alpha Bitches say "wheres the weight set for the auction? Yep. A fucking dead weight set donated by some sporting goods store. And I'm still the only fucking guy there. Shit. I drag it out of fucking Buffy's car and put it on the dolly and get it through the hotel to the gala room. My stomach is just grumbling like a motherfucker.

Alpha Bitch #2 says "we need to put it on THIS table"....Alpha Bitch #1 says NO! we need to put it on THIS table. CosmicCowboy suggests we make a space between the tables and leave it on the floor...we can hang a sign on the wall over it...

Alpha bitch #1 and #2 proceed to verbally bitch slap CosmicCowboy and hahahahaha laugh about how guys just DON'T understand how these things worked.

They agreed that Alpha Bitch #1's table was totally superior to Alpha Bitch 2's table after about 5 minutes of some very interesting Alpha Bitch bowing up and clit measuring and all the Alpha and Beta bitches had casually slid in and around to watch the show.

Soooo... CosmicCowboy gets to put the weight set on Alpha Bitch #1's table...

I squat and tip and maneuver that heavy motherfucker to get my fingers under it...This is CosmicCowboy right? A 180# box ain't shit! I tense...squat lunge...that box is GOIN ON THE TABLE! READY? GO!!!!

[CosmicCowboy]

I wasn't three inches off the floor when that fucking fart started...

It sounded like a fucking AK-47 going off. I don't just mean the cadence...I mean the volume too.

It didn't stop till that fucking weight set was sitting on the table.

I turned to alpha bitch #1 and told her I TOLD YOU we should leave it on the floor..

My child's mother was mortified.

If there had just been another real guy there we would have been chest bumping and slapping high fives and heading to the truck for a beer...

unfortunately that wasn't the case. There were a lot of polite coughs and then the smell hit...it was kind of like when a dog gets sprayed by a skunk REALLY close...it doesn't even smell like a skunk until the molecules disperse enough to make it smell like a skunk...that's what that fart did...

The Shiner, the beans, the multiple bowls of cabbage, the bad barbacoa...dayuuum...it smelled like something had crawled up my ass and died a month ago. The Alpha and Beta bitches fled for the 4 corners of the room and I politely excused myself and went to the truck and got a beer.

I swear. At midnight when they closed the bar down and I got the fuck out of there I could still smell that fart.

[baseline bum]

Probably my entire time in third grade. There was nothing more fun then than letting out an SBD in class and then hearing half of them complain to the teacher.

[Udokafan05]

Ate a ton of sushi, went to class for three hours... bad idea. It wasn't even the fart gas. It was the stomach gurgling kind. Which sucked, since I was sitting in very close proximity to a number of women I had either photographed, would photograph or wanted to photograph. Farts you can hold in. Gurgling stomachs sound just as gross and have a mind of their own and there's nothing you can do about it.

:lmao

[chode_regulator]

Withoiut reading this whole thread, I don't care where I am. I let it go. If I'm in a crowded place that is quiet, I will try to be quiet abotu it. If even semi loud I just let it rip.
I think if I get divorced it will be because of my gas. In facdt I even farted right now while reading this and almost passed out. Instead I just smirked and let out a chuckle at teh stecnch I can give off.
If you ask me, it's like a super power.
Or coudl just be from the constant booze intake I have on a daily basis. My wife thinks I have a problem and need to see a doc about my GI tract or whatever. I chalk it up to busch light and ron rio rum.

[mrsmaalox]

........They agreed that Alpha Bitch #1's table was totally superior to Alpha Bitch 2's table after about 5 minutes of some very interesting Alpha Bitch bowing up and clit measuring and all the Alpha and Beta bitches had casually slid in and around to watch the show.

Wait....WHAT??? :wtf It'll take an ice pick thru my brain to get that picture out!! :bang


And as far as the topic at hand, I've never had that problem. I don't fart :)

[jman3000]

I don't know if y'all have tried this, but if you're around friends and you fart, you can grab it and throw it at them. Just fart on your hand, let it soak in for a sec, make a fist, and put it in their face.

[Clandestino]

i had eaten tons of homemade chili/onions/cheese AND a bag of died prunes. worst shit and farts i've ever smelled in my life. i would have to leave the room to get away from it. anyway, we were in my car and i farted anyway... i had to pull over because my buddy threw up after smelling it! hahaha. good stuff

[CosmicCowboy]

Wait....WHAT??? :wtf It'll take an ice pick thru my brain to get that picture out!! :bang


And as far as the topic at hand, I've never had that problem. I don't fart :)

Metaphorically speaking of course...:lol

They were comparing their resumes, how long they had been at the school, how many years they had been on the gala committee, how much money their husbands had donated, etc...just classic bitch one-upmanship...It was hilarious to watch.

[Spursfan092120]

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