Bill Simmons on the Lakers

[mystargtr34]

Raise your hand if you're excited about Khlomar! (Happily raising hand.) Look, I don't have much ammo for the teams I hate right now. The Colts have been ruined for me; Peyton Manning has become such a monolith of clutchness that I can't even toss grenades at him; if anything, I respect the hell out of him. The Yankees are pulling for each other, slamming shaving pies into faces and looking unbeatable; even worse, it's the kind of likable, quirky (albeit, expensive) team that the Red Sox once had before they dumped their front office, ignored human intuition, decided that "business-like" was better than "personable," and used complicated statistical engines to assemble their 2009 roster. (Wait, we didn't do that? It just seemed like it. Sorry.) So really, hating the hateable Lakers is all I have left.



And you know what else? It's fun to have teams that you hate. I hate Sasha Vujacic's hair. I hate the fact women like Luke Walton. I hate their uniforms. I hate when Pau Gasol gets excited and does that thing where he barks with his hands at his sides as his ugly beard drips sweat over everyone. I hate not being able to hate Derek Fisher. I love being able to hate Kobe, who has brought me more hateable joy than anyone else this decade. (But damn, is that guy good. I do respect him.) I hate Laker fans who show up for Clipper games and only start making noise when the Lakers go up double-digits. I hate the fact D.J. Mbenga has a publicist. I could go on and on.



I would hope that Lakers fans are OK with this. I would hope they hate the Celtics just as much, for reasons that are just as personal to them. That's what makes the rivalry great -- we hate them, they hate us, and somehow, the hatred is deepening, in a good way. After all, it's just sports. I don't REALLY hate anyone. (Well, except for Vujacic. If he was crossing the street on a crosswalk, I'd like to think that I wouldn't run him over, but I would definitely glance around to see how many people were looking before I made a final decision.) So that's what makes me so happy that the Lakers added not just the black sheep Kardashian sister, but …

Made me laugh so i thought i would make a thread about it...

[Culburn369]

Obviously Bill still ain't over losin' Kobe not winning it/sans Daddy. Tougheth lucketh. It's gone, Bill. Poof! Just like that. And that Bill hates as well.

tee, hee.

[DPG21920]

The Lakers look absolutely disgustingly good right now. Ron's passing is going to help this team tremendously. They are gelling no problem right now and Bynum is beasting. Going to be a tough, tough team to beat.

[Culburn369]

The Lakers look absolutely disgustingly good right now. Ron's passing is going to help this team tremendously. They are gelling no problem right now and Bynum is beasting. Going to be a tough, tough team to beat.

Your capitulation is duly noted, DPG.

[DPG21920]

Never give up; never surrender.

[Culburn369]

Never give up; never surrender.

Jim Valvano?

[Shastafarian]

Obviously Bill still ain't over losin' Kobe not winning it/sans Daddy.

Why would Bill Simmons care about whether Kobe won with or without Shaq? You think he's a Bulls fan or something?

[Culburn369]

Why would Bill Simmons care about whether Kobe won with or without Shaq? You think he's a Bulls fan or something?

It was a convenient BFH (Big Fucking Hammer) that Simmons, et al in Media drug out and conked Kobe over the head whenever necessa:

Kobe wins MVP. BOOM! BFH to the head.
Kobe can't beat Boston. BOOM! BFH to the head.
Kobe sees the light of day. BOOM! BFH to the head.
Kobe rings/sans Daddy:::you don't have to go home, but, you got to get the Hell outta here

You get it, blankethead.

[Shastafarian]

Was Simmons one of those people who was saying Kobe wasn't great until he won a ring without Shaq?

[Culburn369]

Was Simmons one of those people who was saying Kobe wasn't great until he won a ring without Shaq?

He didn't have to. He just took out the BFH and conked Kobe over the noggin whenever Kobe got unduly uppity.

[leemajors]

Galaxy Quest.

Corey Hart

[Allanon]

Galaxy Quest.

That was a great movie.

zWv9r5MXdSA

[Mel_13]

Was Simmons one of those people who was saying Kobe wasn't great until he won a ring without Shaq?

No, Simmons is just a Celtic fan from birth, they're hard-wired to hate the Lakers.

[Shastafarian]

He didn't have to.


So it's all in your head. Got it. Thanks for the clarification.

[eyeh8u]

being a sportswriter is so easy, ih8 how so many people think he is a great writer

[21_Blessings]

being a sportswriter is so easy, ih8 how so many people think he is a great writer

He's more blogger than he is writer.

Yes there's a big difference. Hey let's work this shitty reality TV show into my sports column!! Email me about it and I'll reply with a bad 80's reference that had nothing do with your email!

[DeadlyDynasty]

He's more blogger than he is writer.

Yes there's a big difference. Hey let's work this shitty reality TV show into my sports column!! Email me about it and I'll reply with a bad 80's reference that had nothing do with your email!

that pretty much sums it up...and all the massholes and Lakers/Yankees haters eat that shit up like a retard eating cake

[Culburn369]

Got it.

But, you left off the rest of it, Shasta. That ain't right.

[redzero]

What's wrong with the Lakers' jerseys?

[Shastafarian]

But, you left off the rest of it, Shasta. That ain't right.

It's all I needed. Again, thanks for the clarification.

[Culburn369]

It's all I needed.

A course. If you included it all we'd still be going at it asses & elbows.

[Culburn369]

"I hate the fact women like Luke Walton."

Can ya imagine this motherfu'er sittin' down at a word processor & typin' this?

[Def Rowe]

Bill Simmons is just a wise ass silver spooner. Charmed life this guy. His step dad bought him a classic Porsche when he was 15. Why when he was 15? Because he wanted to have it fixed up and refurbished for young Bill by the time he turned 16. Hate this guy.

[Donkeybong]

Bill Simmon's sucks.

[eyeh8u]

Bill Simmons is just a wise ass silver spooner. Charmed life this guy. His step dad bought him a classic Porsche when he was 15. Why when he was 15? Because he wanted to have it fixed up and refurbished for young Bill by the time he turned 16. Hate this guy.

a fellow carolla podcast listener?

[Def Rowe]

a fellow carolla podcast listener?

Word. Good catch.

[Culburn369]

"I could go on and on.
I would hope that Lakers fans are OK with this."

As long as Simmons was sittin' there that afternoon CWEBB turned his back on Horry & started back up that lane, I'm OK with this.

[jag]

If i say something bad about Simmons can i catch a handy from one of you Laker fans?

[Culburn369]

If i say something bad about Simmons can i catch a handy from one of you Laker fans?

Not necessa,,,Kobe already squared it with the house when he rang/sans Daddy.

[KSeal]

If i say something bad about Simmons can i catch a handy from one of you Laker fans?

Only way you can get one?

[jag]

Not necessa,,,Kobe already squared it with the house when he rang/sans Daddy.

Is that your version of "4 rings, faggot"?

I just want to get in on this "screw that boston blogger-who-thinks-he's-a-sportswriter" circle jerk.


Culburn, for someone who works a shtick like Dicky V. works "Awesome Baby!!"...i figured you of all people would realize why Simmons plays up certain gimmicks.

[21_Blessings]

I just want to get in on this "screw that boston blogger-who-thinks-he's-a-sportswriter" circle jerk.



Ah thanks for taking the time from your daily Dejuan Blair jerk off sesh to post your thoughts in the World Champion Lakers forum.

[Culburn369]

Culburn, for someone who works a shtick like Dicky V. works "Awesome Baby!!"...i figured you of all people would realize why Simmons plays up certain gimmicks.

Sure, to goose the gate, sell more "newspapers", widgets, etc., rouse the rabble....but, there is also an edge to his discourse. Lakers don't function well at the top with Boston beneath. That way, Simmons/Media only get the one bite at the apple. They kick our ass,,,win or lose, but, if Boston loses they won't kick their ass, that's verboten straight out of NY, stamped by Stern. What they crave is us at #2 with Boston, i.e. San Antonio, Cleveland, Detroit (not Orlando as long as Van Gundy is dealin' that hand). With us defeated at the hands of one of the former they get to praise them and the BONUS: just beat us like trout meat. It do not get better than that for Media.

Jabbar couldn't wrap his mind around that protocol and it ate him alive. Magic learned it, turned it and beat Media unmercifully with it, smilin' the entire time he was stealing their cookie. Once O'Neal rang Media wanted no part of him. Woe be to Daddy if he hadn't rang. Oh, my.

Kobe? He claimed after he put the Magic on that slab that sans Daddy mean't nothing to him. That only "idiots" busted his snuts over it. Then he got into a room alone with that old lady of his, the one who'd got inside the wire with him up against the wall in Colorado and they had a moment that only a marriage seared in heart rending crisis can seal. You'd know it if you ever spent a day in your life.

[jag]

Sure, to goose the gate, sell more "newspapers", widgets, etc., rouse the rabble....but, there is also an edge to his discourse. Lakers don't function well at the top with Boston beneath. That way, Simmons/Media only get the one bite at the apple. They kick our ass,,,win or lose, but, if Boston loses they won't kick their ass, that's verboten straight out of NY, stamped by Stern. What they crave is us at #2 with Boston, i.e. San Antonio, Cleveland, Detroit (not Orlando as long as Van Gundy is dealin' that hand). With us defeated at the hands of one of the former they get to praise them and the BONUS: just beat us like trout meat. It do not get better than that for Media.

Jabbar couldn't wrap his mind around that protocol and it ate him alive. Magic learned it, turned it and beat Media unmercifully with it, smilin' the entire time he was stealing their cookie. Once O'Neal rang Media wanted no part of him. Woe be to Daddy if he hadn't rang. Oh, my.

Kobe? He claimed after he put the Magic on that slab that sans Daddy mean't nothing to him. That only "idiots" busted his snuts over it. Then he got into a room alone with that old lady of his, the one who'd got inside the wire with him up against the wall in Colorado and they had a moment that only a marriage seared in heart rending crisis can seal. You'd know it if you ever spent a day in your life.

I can't speak to the 70's, as i wasn't anywhere near being alive, but today, the majority of media laker hate is a direct result of the way Kobe acts. What he wants his image to be, changes daily...and it's comical. He's fake, and the media eat it up. Laker fan shouldn't get emotional just cause Stern would rather see the LOB in Boston hands.

Some of Simmons' stuff is funny and entertaining, but some of his articles can become quite tedious. Either way, he's a pretty good writer with a good angle to play. He IS, however, a basketball junkie. He understands the game from all aspects (athletic, business and entertainment) and speaks his mind quite freely. I can respect that.

[jag]

Ah thanks for taking the time from your daily Dejuan Blair jerk off sesh to post your thoughts in the World Champion Lakers forum.


You and KSeal are on fire today.

[DeadlyDynasty]

I can't speak to the 70's, as i wasn't anywhere near being alive, but today, the majority of media laker hate is a direct result of the way Kobe acts. What he wants his image to be, changes daily...and it's comical. He's fake, and the media eat it up. Laker fan shouldn't get emotional just cause Stern would rather see the LOB in Boston hands.

Some of Simmons' stuff is funny and entertaining, but some of his articles can become quite tedious. Either way, he's a pretty good writer with a good angle to play. He IS, however, a basketball junkie. He understands the game from all aspects (athletic, business and entertainment) and speaks his mind quite freely. I can respect that.

I couldn't care less about Kobe's "image," as long as he continues to win. Do the players care about you? NO. All I know is he's the best player on my favorite team and he's been a joy to watch over the years.

As far as Simmons is concerned, I used to like reading his column but now he's just redundant with his schtick. I'll read the mailbag because the readers are still funny though.

[hater]

dude knows his shit :tu

[Culburn369]

I couldn't care less about Kobe's "image,"

But, Kobe cares. He's been touched. And it haunts him.

He committed rape, but, is not a rapist. There is no road back for him. He'll search in vain the rest of his days.

It can never be like it was. & it was so near perfection, so precise...1,2,3,4,5,6....and then poof, GWTW in a blink.

He wanted no part of the black experience. And damned if he didn't have to go there, hat-in-hand for his very freedom & liberty. Now he's tatted up, his soul lost in the winds.

[DeadlyDynasty]

But, Kobe cares. He's been touched. And it haunts him.

He committed rape, but, is not a rapist. There is no road back for him. He'll search in vain the rest of his days.

It can never be like it was. & it was so near perfection, so precise...1,2,3,4,5,6....and then poof, GWTW in a blink.

He wanted no part of the black experience. And damned if he didn't have to go there, hat-in-hand for his very freedom & liberty. Now he's tatted up, his soul lost in the winds.

He could be a gay muslim extremist for all I care...just keep winning rings:toast

[DeadlyDynasty]

dude knows his shit :tu

yes, yes...jump through the hoop