Marriage

[TDMVPDPOY]

At what age did you guys got married?

do you believe in setups or rearrange marriages?

to those that got married young, did you ever thought about ur future financially wise?

[JudynTX]

:toast I got married in my 30's, was the best thing I ever did. I'm glad I waited late in life to marry. I only want to do it once. :D

[CubanMustGo]

Married at 35 and life is great. Hard to believe we're closing in on 15 years together already - time truly does fly when you're having fun. :toast

Thankfully in the US, prearranged marriage is a rarity. I can't imagine it working out well unless one party is expected to be totally subservient to the other - and that's not a marriage, it's indentured servitude.

And although we didn't marry young, planning prudently for the future and saving money should be a part of any couple's plan.

[desflood]

I married at 20 (he was 26). It was very young and a lot of people thought we should have waited, but we knew. Had our 11th anniversary earlier this month. Life is mostly pretty good around here.

[JudynTX]

Married at 35 and life is great. Hard to believe we're closing in on 15 years together already - time truly does fly when you're having fun. :toast

Thankfully in the US, prearranged marriage is a rarity. I can't imagine it working out well unless one party is expected to be totally subservient to the other - and that's not a marriage, it's indentured servitude.

And although we didn't marry young, planning prudently for the future and saving money should be a part of any couple's plan.


I married at 20 (he was 26). It was very young and a lot of people thought we should have waited, but we knew. Had our 11th anniversary earlier this month. Life is mostly pretty good around here.

:toast Congrats!

My 5th wedding anniversary is tomorrow. :married:

[desflood]

:toast Congrats!

My 5th wedding anniversary is tomorrow. :married:
Ditto.

I do wish that somebody had told me beforehand that the "7-year itch" is a very real occurrence, though. I would have been prepared :lol

[JudynTX]

Ditto.

I do wish that somebody had told me beforehand that the "7-year itch" is a very real occurrence, though. I would have been prepared :lol

It's real? :wow

Kidding......we've been together for 8 years.....passed that bump in the road with flying colors. :D

[I. Hustle]

I am all for rearrange marriages. I had to rearrange mine. Got me a new wife almost two years ago after I found out the first one was defective.

I got married the first time at 20 and we were definately not ready but we were both stupid kids. It lasted about 4 years and now I am married again with a step son a 1 year old and another kiddo on the way while she is a dyke APD pig.

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

Got hitched at 22, been with my wife for a little over four years now. Two of my older brothers got married at that age as well and been with their spouses for 10 and 8 years respectively.

I'm of a mixed opinion on the arranged marriage stuff. While none of my student workers have been a part of one I've got a few international kids whose parents were. In some cases they ended up bordering on indentured servitude as CubanMustGo put it. In other cases it worked out well in large part because there was such a stigma in their native cultures around divorce that it forced the two people to make a real effort in the marriage. In a country with a divorce around 50% I have to think that there are plenty of failed marriages out there that just boiled down to people not wanting to put in the work.

[TDMVPDPOY]

thanks for the replies

ive never been in any relationship b4

umm parents trying to set me up with some girl back home native country....21/22yr old yr, apparently all her relatives is here in my country..reason why she wants to migrate here...while knocking back a few americans who have proposed or arrange a marriage with her....i dont feel like having a burden on my shoulders to look after a person, subservant etc...

i remember pakidan had a thread like this how his parents were setting him up also....

i dont wanna rush into things and being unsociable means i dont know any girls....im 28yr old, dunno if i meet the right one, but rearrange marriage is something i had always consider......

[Bukefal]

thanks for the replies

ive never been in any relationship b4

umm parents trying to set me up with some girl back home native country....21/22yr old yr, apparently all her relatives is here in my country..reason why she wants to migrate here...while knocking back a few americans who have proposed or arrange a marriage with her....i dont feel like having a burden on my shoulders to look after a person, subservant etc...

i remember pakidan had a thread like this how his parents were setting him up also....

i dont wanna rush into things and being unsociable means i dont know any girls....im 28yr old, dunno if i meet the right one, but rearrange marriage is something i had always consider......


What's your native country?

Anyway, Im sure you'll find the one :toast

[I. Hustle]

His native country is Kazakhstan... very nice

[TDMVPDPOY]

What's your native country?

Anyway, Im sure you'll find the one :toast

its vietnam

and im in australia...

ive had a few offers for rearrange marriage from parents friends and shit, but i never took them seriously cause there was no need for it, while all my friends most of them are in serious relationships and getting hitch, while me = nothin.

i have a few stories of friends who get setup etc, all they did was went over there was either root the girl and leave, or ended up marrying the person. Maybe its standards or im too good for this shit, thats why i dont go ahead with setups....

so what is love when you never experience it, even with all the soap dramas you understand it, but the responsibility and commitment is just too much. I dont know if you can really fall in love over time with someone in a rearrange marriage...cause its either ur a subservent to the person too look after them when living together...

do ppl still look down on ppl who get into rearrange marriages or mail order brides?

[Bukefal]

Yeah, I guess most look down on those people. Anyway, you shouldn't get yourself in rearranged marriage. You should just try to find a good girl, which will happen if you really want to. Love exists and there is someone for everybody.

[TDMVPDPOY]

Yeah, I guess most look down on those people. Anyway, you shouldn't get yourself in rearranged marriage. You should just try to find a good girl, which will happen if you really want to. Love exists and there is someone for everybody.

they tell me if im interested, all flights and accomondation or the trip will be funded by them....so in other words, spend time to know each other and then if you want you can just married.

yeh there are stories of ppl doing this just to get a green card into a better country for a better life...i got a friend who did this, he couldnt get a chick in his country so he goes over to vn and gets setup by a friend to get married, dude ended up falling in love with her cause he couldnt get any and was desperate for a wife.

[40yroldvirgin]

ive never been in any relationship b4


We have something in common. :toast

[TDMVPDPOY]

We have something in common. :toast

knew a troll would appear....:downspin:

[I. Hustle]

They root chicks? Is that like saying they bone them?

[Bukefal]

They root chicks? Is that like saying they bone them?

:lol

[TDMVPDPOY]

They root chicks? Is that like saying they bone them?

yep

my other friend did it, was setup with this girl, he didnt know she had a kid, so he just shags her and doesnt go through with it....the lady that set it up or sponsoring the marriage would not like it if she heard about it...hence my friend tells me not to tell them hahahaa, he goes it was the best sex he ever had with a milf...im like dude shes 18, thats not milf yet. The ex-bf found out about it and wanted to beat up my friend when he was staying at their place while banging his ex-gf/wife hahahahaha


I think my other mate is going to marry that setup chick, cant wait to tell him that my other mate banged his wife b4 he married her.

[sonic21]

I'll get married next summer, i'll be 26. We've been living together for 8 years now.

A few marriages in my family are arranged (mainly older members) because my mother's family is indian. Forced marriages almost always fail. Arranged marriages are different, some couple really care for each other. It could become a successful marriage.

[mrsmaalox]

I don't really think people look down on arranged marriage when it's a cultural thing. A business arrangement is something else.

I got married at 24, had 4 babies right in a row. Now 15 yrs later, when it's good it is sublime; but when it's bad---it's really, really bad (like worse than anything you can think of). But having the kids makes all the work, sacrifices, totally worth it. :)

[BacktoBasics]

Lots of immaturity going on in this thread.

[Strike]

I was 22, she was 21. We're now getting divorced. Marrying her was definitely a bad decision.

[easjer]

Got hitched at 22, been with my wife for a little over four years now. Two of my older brothers got married at that age as well and been with their spouses for 10 and 8 years respectively.

I'm of a mixed opinion on the arranged marriage stuff. While none of my student workers have been a part of one I've got a few international kids whose parents were. In some cases they ended up bordering on indentured servitude as CubanMustGo put it. In other cases it worked out well in large part because there was such a stigma in their native cultures around divorce that it forced the two people to make a real effort in the marriage. In a country with a divorce around 50% I have to think that there are plenty of failed marriages out there that just boiled down to people not wanting to put in the work.

To clarify SFIE: I'm older, so I was 25 when we got married. We've been married for 4 years, but have been together for 8 in January. We had a long engagement.

I don't think I was too young, and obviously didn't think SFIE was too young, either. It's been pretty good - I don't think most couples would survive what we have over the past year. I feel pretty confident that we have a solid foundation and genuine respect and admiration for each other.

Regarding arranged marriages - I do actually know of two. They were working just fine last I heard, but it was definitely a cultural thing. They were not subservient in those marriages, but I think that had to do with so much exposure to American cultures. There was a basis of respect for each other, budding friendship/companionship, and I suppose there was some attraction. I don't know if they loved each other or not, but I tend to think love can be overrated anyway (if you are talking about the soap opera emoting sort of love, because that comes and goes - I am definitely always 'in love' with SFIE, but I always love him). I think in some ways it takes more work than a love match and in some ways, less work. You have to be able to communicate honestly with the other person and you have to like them and not mind spending time with them. Otherwise, hell on earth.

[BacktoBasics]

To clarify SFIE: I'm older, so I was 25 when we got married. We've been married for 4 years, but have been together for 8 in January. We had a long engagement.

I don't think I was too young, and obviously didn't think SFIE was too young, either. It's been pretty good - I don't think most couples would survive what we have over the past year. I feel pretty confident that we have a solid foundation and genuine respect and admiration for each other.

Regarding arranged marriages - I do actually know of two. They were working just fine last I heard, but it was definitely a cultural thing. They were not subservient in those marriages, but I think that had to do with so much exposure to American cultures. There was a basis of respect for each other, budding friendship/companionship, and I suppose there was some attraction. I don't know if they loved each other or not, but I tend to think love can be overrated anyway (if you are talking about the soap opera emoting sort of love, because that comes and goes - I am definitely always 'in love' with SFIE, but I always love him). I think in some ways it takes more work than a love match and in some ways, less work. You have to be able to communicate honestly with the other person and you have to like them and not mind spending time with them. Otherwise, hell on earth.Probably doesn't hurt if he kisses the cat either.

[angel_luv]

I just got married this August. I am 27.

I always valued my parents' input when it came to what sort of guys I allowed myself to be interested in. My parents knew me best and of everyone in my life had my best interest at heart.
As I grew older my parents' core values became my own.
In that sense my parents influenced who I chose to marry, although I met and began dating Bo without their help.

Finances are always a big deal, no matter how much or how little money people have. So it is something I am always mindful of, though not something I obsess about.

[The Reckoning]

not getting married. ever.

[jack sommerset]

Married at 28 and it will be 10 years tomorrow.

[angel_luv]

Married at 28 and it will be 10 years tomorrow.

Congrats. :)

[Ballcox]

Well, been with the wife for a little over 9 years, living together for almost 12 years.

All I can say is trust your gut. I had chances to marry when younger in a couple different relationships, but my gut feeling at the time told me I wasn't ready-not nearly mature enough. So, I waited until I was 28 when I moved in with my future wife. Again, from the first time I met her I just knew she was it, another gut feeling I guess.

Almost 12 years in at this point with 3 kids and for the most part life is wonderful.

[JudynTX]

Married at 28 and it will be 10 years tomorrow.

:toast We have the same wedding date! Awesome. Congrats!

[angel_luv]

:toast We have the same wedding date! Awesome. Congrats!

Happy Anniversary to you, too!

[JudynTX]

:married: Happy 5th Anniversary to us! It seems like it was just yesterday that we got married. I truly am lucky to have found the love of my life.

We plan on going downtown today and playing tourists. And probably get a room for the night. :makeout

[MB20]

Happy Aniversary PandaSpur!

<< married at 27, 8 years ago.

[Viva Las Espuelas]

We plan on going downtown today and playing tourists. And probably get a room for the night. :makeout



cochinos!

[I. Hustle]

:married: Happy 5th Anniversary to us! It seems like it was just yesterday that we got married. I truly am lucky to have found the love of my life.

I plan on going down today and playing with the boys. And probably get a room for the night. :makeout



Always play with the boys. It brings added enjoyment.

[EricB]

Im proposing on the 24th of November, so hopefully she says yes :) :lol

[angel_luv]

Im proposing on the 24th of November, so hopefully she says yes :) :lol

Congratulations. :)

[EricB]

Congratulations. :)

Thank you!

[angel_luv]

Thank you!

Be sure to post your proposal story after it happens. I love those!

[EricB]

Be sure to post your proposal story after it happens. I love those!

Most likely it'll be the ring and thats about it.

Stuff like that probably shouldn't come from me.

[Sense]

Why are people getting married on Halloween?

Anyways... I got married like last year..

Fixing on getting a divorce..

Worst decision of my life so far.

[holcs50]

Well, 28, and not a single thought in my mind about getting married anytime soon. I would say prob around 32/33, but you know how the saying goes "you never know who is going to come along" or at least that's what my mom and sister say. But it's true, my sis who I thought wouldn't get married till 30s for various reasons just got hitched at 26 to a navy pilot-she seems the happiest she's ever been-I'm still in shock she's married. I still have to get past the year barrier with a girl before I even think of marriage. My honest guess is IF I stay with a girl that long she'll probably end up being the one-all others I have been tired of after bout 6 months, but i never gave much effort, still trying to figure out things for myself before I want to settle down.

On another note, just from observation from people I've known. I've always lived on the west coast (mainly socal) and out of say my best 30 guy friends 2 are married and were all around 27-29. Ha. Now some have serious relationships but a lot are also single. It really does seem on the west coast people are really comfortable not getting married till later. East coast I'm not sure don't know enough people to base anything on. But middle America definitely seems to marry a lot younger than out here. I've known quite a few people living in various places and all were married by 25/26. Obviously this isn't always true, but it just seems that way to me.

[Shelly]

Got married at 24 and the man was 22. We were together for 5 years before we got married and it will be 20 years in January. :)

[JudynTX]

Have any of you renewed your wedding vows? :)

I want to when we reach our 10th year anniversary.

[angel_luv]

I know I touched on this before... I do think parental input can be valuable when choosing your spouse.
After all, few people have known a person longer than his/ her parents.

But that said, you have to be aware of any prejudices your parents have and how that might dictate the advice they give you.
For example, if your white parents do not want you to marry a black man, they would disapprove of David Robinson even though he is a man of great character and highly successful.

If your perspective fiancee's parents want their child to marry someone who is college educated, they might try to talk their son out of someone who does not have a degree even if she makes a good living.

I have learned how very valuable parental support- I.E. a listening ear, frequent, loving encouragement, and the no- strings- attached perspective of someone who has been where I am- is in a marriage.

[CosmicCowboy]

Just be careful. You get married, get an apartment, get some bills to pay and next thing you know she will be wanting to stay home and make meatloaf.

[CosmicCowboy]

Got married at 24 and the man was 22. We were together for 5 years before we got married and it will be 20 years in January. :)

You're only 44? :lol:p:

[clambake]

Just be careful. You get married, get an apartment, get some bills to pay and next thing you know she will be wanting to stay home and make meatloaf.

:lol

[JudynTX]

Just be careful. You get married, get an apartment, get some bills to pay and next thing you know she will be wanting to stay home and make meatloaf.

Hey, I can make pretty good meatloaf. :lol

[SpursWoman]

I made a meatloaf a couple of weeks ago. After I got home from work. :depressed

It was pretty fabulous though. :tu :)

[Jekka]

I haven't made a meatloaf in a while. I'm planning on making a bison pot roast on Sunday, though!

[JudynTX]

Come to think of it, I don't think there's ever been anything I cooked that my husband didn't eat. He knows better. :p:

[angel_luv]

I haven't made a meatloaf in a while. I'm planning on making a bison pot roast on Sunday, though!

That sounds delicious. Pot roast is yummy.

[easjer]

Not a meatloaf fan. But SFIE does most of the cooking anyhow. I do more baking. Actually, he probably does more around the house at this point - a habit we fell into when I was on bedrest and prohibited from doing stuff.

HEB made us some fine hamburgers last night though. SFIE graciously put them together with the condiments for us AND opened the bag of chips we ate with them. I am a pretty lucky gal, though I say so myself.

[mrsmaalox]

Have any of you renewed your wedding vows? :)

I want to when we reach our 10th year anniversary.

You've been married like 3 or 4 years? It's possible you may not feel the same way when you hit 10 :lol

[easjer]

Have any of you renewed your wedding vows? :)

I want to when we reach our 10th year anniversary.

Like officially, with a big party? No, we haven't.

But I'd like to at least recite them again to each other next anniversary, which will be 5 years for us.

I can definitely see a big renewal/party at 20 or 25 years though.

[angel_luv]

How are you doing Easjer? I still remember you in my prayers.

[JudynTX]

You've been married like 3 or 4 years? It's possible you may not feel the same way when you hit 10 :lol

Will be 6 years this October. :D

I'm pretty sure I'll still feel the same. I'm already checking out venues and such. :lol

[angel_luv]

Will be 6 years this October. :D

I'm pretty sure I'll still feel the same. I'm already checking out venues and such. :lol


How fun! Will the evening have a theme so far as decorations?

What do you want to wear?

[angel_luv]

FYI: The Guenther House is a lovely venue and their staff led by Nancy is top rate.
Our wedding refreshments were delicious and the entire reception went seamlessly, which I credit largely to the Guenther House staff.

[easjer]

How are you doing Easjer? I still remember you in my prayers.

Fairly well. Work has been very busy and consuming lately and I spend much of my free time in a forum for grieving parents, which has been pretty healing. I had a bunch of tests run and we have found some issues regarding my fertility, but the doc thinks things are fairly treatable, and we hope to achieve a viable pregnancy again soon.

[angel_luv]

Fairly well. Work has been very busy and consuming lately and I spend much of my free time in a forum for grieving parents, which has been pretty healing. I had a bunch of tests run and we have found some issues regarding my fertility, but the doc thinks things are fairly treatable, and we hope to achieve a viable pregnancy again soon.

I will continue to pray for you and look forward to celebrating with you soon. :)

[JudynTX]

FYI: The Guenther House is a lovely venue and their staff led by Nancy is top rate.
Our wedding refreshments were delicious and the entire reception went seamlessly, which I credit largely to the Guenther House staff.

Thanks AL. :)

I'm trying to keep it simple. We won't be in formals or anything, just a nice dress and he'll be in a shirt/tie. (maybe) or a Hawaiian shirt.

Nice dinner and cake afterwards. No decorations.

[easjer]

But how can you have awesome wedding stories without decorations?!

I have whose veil caught on fire during the lighting of the unity candle. She has since said God could not have sent her a clearer sign that that marriage was a disaster-in-motion. :lol

[Kori Ellis]

Have any of you renewed your wedding vows? :)

I want to when we reach our 10th year anniversary.

We were actually going to do it every 5 years with a party and everything.. but we missed it at 5. :lol So we will probably do it at 10.

[JudynTX]

But how can you have awesome wedding stories without decorations?!

:lol We'll be sure to have a fire extinguisher just in case.


I have whose veil caught on fire during the lighting of the unity candle. She has since said God could not have sent her a clearer sign that that marriage was a disaster-in-motion. :lol

Are they still married? :lol

[symple19]

Ugh, marriage. I sincerely hope I never succumb to the ball and chain, but you never know. I hate kids and enjoy not having responsibilities. I date, but I never let it get serious. I'm always up front about it with women, so it's not like I'm being disingenuous about it.

Glad it's worked out for most of you guys though

[SpursStalker]

It's real? :wow

Kidding......we've been together for 8 years.....passed that bump in the road with flying colors. :D

Ummmm

Pardon me but you have not passed that bump yet ...

Its 7 yrs of marriage, you have 2 yrs to go for that itch.

:D

[JudynTX]

Ummmm

Pardon me but you have not passed that bump yet ...

Its 7 yrs of marriage, you have 2 yrs to go for that itch.

:D

:lmao

[angel_luv]

Thanks AL. :)

I'm trying to keep it simple. We won't be in formals or anything, just a nice dress and he'll be in a shirt/tie. (maybe) or a Hawaiian shirt.

Nice dinner and cake afterwards. No decorations.

So long as you have cake. Yummy! :)

[SpursStalker]

:lmao

Don't worry Judy ...

I'll help you scratch it.

:lol

[Shelly]

Just be careful. You get married, get an apartment, get some bills to pay and next thing you know she will be wanting to stay home and make meatloaf.

:lol


You're only 44? :lol:p:

:(

don't you have some rain water to collect???


I donta maka da meatloaf...I maka da meatballs!

[mrsmaalox]

Will be 6 years this October. :D

I'm pretty sure I'll still feel the same. I'm already checking out venues and such. :lol

Umm I didn't mean just you! :lmao

[JudynTX]

Don't worry Judy ...

I'll help you scratch it.

:lol

:nope :lol


Umm I didn't mean just you! :lmao

:depressed :p:

[IronMexican]

I wouldn't want to get married. But it would be cool to have a boy. And just train him to be the most bad-ass kid ever. Like, turn him into some football player or something.

[CosmicCowboy]

I wouldn't want to get married. But it would be cool to have a boy. And just train him to be the most bad-ass kid ever. Like, turn him into some football player or something.

Another baby B2B?

[coyotes_geek]

For the newlyweds out there, as you get older you need to be aware of the three stages of married sex.

Stage 1: Tri-weekly
Stage 2: Try weekly
Stage 3: Try weakly

[angel_luv]

hahaha. Cute

[angel_luv]

Bo just made a special trip to the mall to visit me. :)

And he brought me a package I had received in the mail, which turned out to be a book I ordered: " Chicken Soup for the Bride's Soul."

[clambake]

uh oh

[easjer]

Are they still married? :lol

Hell no. He was an abusive asshole. Getting out of that marriage was the best thing she ever did!

[AFBlue]

We got married in June of '06, so it's been almost four years. I was 24 and she was 26. We had been dating/engaged for about 2 years when we tied the knot.

And I gotta say life has been great. We're getting ready to welcome our first child into this world this summer and can't wait.

[angel_luv]

We got married in June of '06, so it's been almost four years. I was 24 and she was 26. We had been dating/engaged for about 2 years when we tied the knot.

And I gotta say life has been great. We're getting ready to welcome our first child into this world this summer and can't wait.

Congrats on the baby! :)

[TDMVPDPOY]

hey who bump this thread, i was lookin for this

i guess some ppl have diff views and situations b4 they step up to the plate...

i feel my situation was similar to the good guys finish last thread...i explain...

i met up with this girl my mom tried to arrange, since i had nothing to lose i met up with her...felt awkward didnt know what to say since im not social with girls in general either im silent for the whole duration or like how i posts on spurstalk..just dont wanna offend them when i open my mouth. Sitting there next to her for 2hrs didnt say shit cause her family members were there and seem buzy to welcome friends and shit, i really wanted to ask her out for the afternoon, didnt open my mouth cause i was a chicken shit and didnt know what i wanted. I was analyzing every movement of hers and i liked her manners and looks, she was what i was looking for in a wife. The only problem was i didnt know wtf she wanted.

So for 3 weeks while overseas msg back and forth playing mind games and shit, i got tired and pop the question to her, i wanted her in my life..i dunno what the future holds but i do my very best to provide her happiness. She was obviously playing hard to get and have many opportunities for better guys, i was certain she was holding out or seeing another person so i got rejected. Till this day of this posts i still think of her and how i got played hard for 3 weeks which didnt equate to any fkn progress playing the nice guy.

[The Reckoning]

not getting married. ever.

[mrsmaalox]

hey who bump this thread, i was lookin for this

i guess some ppl have diff views and situations b4 they step up to the plate...

i feel my situation was similar to the good guys finish last thread...i explain...

i met up with this girl my mom tried to arrange, since i had nothing to lose i met up with her...felt awkward didnt know what to say since im not social with girls in general either im silent for the whole duration or like how i posts on spurstalk..just dont wanna offend them when i open my mouth. Sitting there next to her for 2hrs didnt say shit cause her family members were there and seem buzy to welcome friends and shit, i really wanted to ask her out for the afternoon, didnt open my mouth cause i was a chicken shit and didnt know what i wanted. I was analyzing every movement of hers and i liked her manners and looks, she was what i was looking for in a wife. The only problem was i didnt know wtf she wanted.

So for 3 weeks while overseas msg back and forth playing mind games and shit, i got tired and pop the question to her, i wanted her in my life..i dunno what the future holds but i do my very best to provide her happiness. She was obviously playing hard to get and have many opportunities for better guys, i was certain she was holding out or seeing another person so i got rejected. Till this day of this posts i still think of her and how i got played hard for 3 weeks which didnt equate to any fkn progress playing the nice guy.

I know it's difficult, but try not to be bitter. You are very young and inexperienced, so this is a good learning experience for you. I think you did the right thing not being real aggressive with her but also being honest and open about your feelings. Some day she's going to look back and think "I wonder whatever happened to that guy, he was a good person". Don't dwell too much on it and don't hold back, keep trying! There really is someone out there for you :toast

[Stringer_Bell]

Till this day of this posts i still think of her and how i got played hard for 3 weeks which didnt equate to any fkn progress playing the nice guy.

Up to the day you posted this, you were thinking of this girl that you talked to via msg for 3 weeks while overseas? Bro, any bitch that's indecisive or flirts online (which is a good 70% of them) ain't worth thinking about more than a day.

This thread is about marriage, and marriage to me IS a contract. Obviously, depending on family, there's a lot of pressure to enter into that kind of contract, but YOU live for YOU. The last thing you want is to be set up with someone then find yourself completely alone and unable to express yourself in a marriage or around family...it's MUCH better to just be on your own and do what makes you happy without worrying about finances and responsibility. This will last 1-2 years, but you'll have tasted a kind of freedom you want to share with someone and at some point there will be a time when you meet a girl (not trying to impress her or date her) that is pretty and kind-hearted. You won't think about finances or watching out for her, because you'll automatically feel the need to protect and provide for her. You'll know what to do and what to say, and she'll know how to listen. Or maybe she'll know what to do and say, and you will know how to listen. Maybe both.

That's when you know when to get married and have a suitable vessel for your seed under a contract. :toast

[z0sa]

I'm not sure I'll ever be married. Marriage is just a ceremony, a tradition; whether or not you love a person depends very little on whether you are married to them.

[tlongII]

I don't believe in marriage. It's too confining. I would be too difficult for any woman to deal with long-term.

[TDMVPDPOY]

That's when you know when to get married and have a suitable vessel for your seed under a contract. :toast

i dont really care man, whether you marry for love or money, or for nothing...even after living together for a couple of years you will develop feelings for each other, doesnt really make a difference if you know them a couple of years b4 hand or go into a arrange marriage. Each type does have its disadvantages and risk of breakdowns.....

i do feel like its sub-servant if you go into arrange marriage, then ur force to take care of the other person....but luv is luv right?

[TDMVPDPOY]

I don't believe in marriage. It's too confining. I would be too difficult for any woman to deal with long-term.

can i have ur chinese wife then?? :lmao

[xXx]

I know it's difficult, but try not to be bitter. You are very young and inexperienced, so this is a good learning experience for you. I think you did the right thing not being real aggressive with her but also being honest and open about your feelings. Some day she's going to look back and think "I wonder whatever happened to that guy, he was a good person". Don't dwell too much on it and don't hold back, keep trying! There really is someone out there for you :toast


where are you getting this bullshit from lady? :lol
why don't you stick to giving advice to your own team.

yeah, some day she's gonna be thinking back alright, after she gets done ridin her man of the moment and he pisses her off or something.

every women wants different things in a man,
but the best chicks want a man with a badge, not a man with a vag.

[Stringer_Bell]

i dont really care man, whether you marry for love or money, or for nothing...even after living together for a couple of years you will develop feelings for each other, doesnt really make a difference if you know them a couple of years b4 hand or go into a arrange marriage. Each type does have its disadvantages and risk of breakdowns.....

i do feel like its sub-servant if you go into arrange marriage, then ur force to take care of the other person....but luv is luv right?

lol, but what's the use of a contractual obligation like marriage if you don't love someone? I know we all have different definitions of love, but "developing feelings" in an arranged relationship sounds like convenience more than anything. It's a "go with what you got" attitude and I think it's actually pretty close to what a lot of people end up doing anyway...so yea, the idea of settling for what you got in front of you isn't much different than anyone else. But I personally wouldn't call it love.

And remember, when you love someone you don't feel like you're "forced to take care of him/her." It comes naturally, it doesn't feel like a burden.

I'm not married btw, I'm not stupid. :lol

[AFBlue]

Congrats on the baby! :)

Thanks!

To add a little more to the discussion...

I don't think age matters as much as experience. I had done alot of living before I met my current wife. That means I did the single, girl-chasing thing and even had a very serious relationship that lasted a couple years.

I learned alot from both and have taken some of those lessons learned into my current relationship. Being smarter about how to handle situations and having the desire to make it work is a good combo.

Having said all that, my wife and I haven't really had a big test...until now. As you may be able to guess from my ST name, my job is prone to being "mobile" from time to time. Got the news today that a six-month vacation overseas is a strong possibility in the very near future...possibly before my wife delivers our first child!

I'm definitely working to stick around for our baby being born, and either way she'll be heading back to TX to be near family for support. Still, there's never a good time to be gone and it can't help our relationship that it comes at this critical time.

I have faith we'll make it through, but the stress and loneliness will be unavoidable.

[JudynTX]

Do all of you married folks get along with your in-laws? :D

[marini martini]

Do all of you married folks get along with your in-laws? :D

I do!!! They're dead!!!:lmao

[angel_luv]

Do all of you married folks get along with your in-laws? :D

Not always... in fact there have been times when we did not get along at all.
But I think all the parties involved in my case at least want to get along.

Bo is the youngest and his mom's favorite so she took it very hard when he got married and I became the woman in Bo's life.
There were some boundary issues at first and sometimes still, but I feel like both Bo's mom and I have made an effort and thus have made some positive strides.

Bo's dad is a great cook and has always been nice to me, so he is good in my book.

My mom thinks Bo is awesome.
When my mom she made a special trip to Bo's shop to bring him and his staff breakfast one day and a candy bar the next without coming to see me at work either day. And this is all the worse since Bo and I only work about ten minutes apart!
I teased Mom about that for a good week saying that it was not fair that Bo was both his AND my mom's favorite. :lol

[easjer]

:lmao

That's a good one!

Actually, these days we get along fairly well. Back in the day, things couldn't even pleasantly be described as tense.

They did not attend our wedding, and that was a good thing (and they were respectful about it, which was also good). There were a lot of problems when we got engaged (fewer before then, because they hoped he would 'come to his senses' and break it off).

But once we were married, it's like they shrugged and said 'what's done is done' and have attempted to make the best of it.

And I've tried, on my end, to be open to that. I get along quite well with SFIE's sister and one of his brothers is ok with me (I don't see him much, but he's been a wonderful help to us now and again, which I appreciate). I'm getting along fairly well with another brother and sister-in-law after we've had a chance to go out and do more together and get to know each other a bit more. I get along fine with his father and the other sister-in-law and can have civil conversations with his other brother and his mother. Which is a far cry from how things were when we were married.

Certainly, the pregnancies and losing Gabriel have worked to change the attitude some and things have been softer since we lost Gabe. But there are ways in which they are simply completely foreign to me and I have to wonder if SFIE was secretly adopted, because he's just not like that.

[angel_luv]

My mother-in-law bought this book http://www.mymildew.com/

Our last visit she was reading it aloud to me to illustrate all the ways in which she is " not so bad". :lol

[JudynTX]

Not always... in fact there have been times when we did not get along at all.
But I think all the parties involved in my case at least want to get along.

Bo is the youngest and his mom's favorite so she took it very hard when he got married and I became the woman in Bo's life.
There were some boundary issues at first and sometimes still, but I feel like both Bo's mom and I have made an effort and thus have made some positive strides.

Bo's dad is a great cook and has always been nice to me, so he is good in my book.

My mom thinks Bo is awesome.
When my mom she made a special trip to Bo's shop to bring him and his staff breakfast one day and a candy bar the next without coming to see me at work either day. And this is all the worse since Bo and I only work about ten minutes apart!
I teased Mom about that for a good week saying that it was not fair that Bo was both his AND my mom's favorite. :lol

Why do you think you didn't get along at the beginning? What a nice gesture on your mom's part. :lol

I get along great with mine, they love me to death. I married an only child, so they were elated he finally found someone to spend the rest of his life with. :)

[mrsmaalox]

Do all of you married folks get along with your in-laws? :D

My in-laws are very nice. It is a bit odd because we are of different generations so we are very different. My husband is much older than me and his 2 sisters are 10 and 12 years older than him. In fact, both of their husbands went to college with my dad, so they were all already friends before he and I met. Hanging out with them is more like hanging out with my parents' friends than with my in-laws. But they are good people and they love our children, so I appreciate them very much.

[angel_luv]

Why do you think you didn't get along at the beginning? What a nice gesture on your mom's part. :lol

I get along great with mine, they love me to death. I married an only child, so they were elated he finally found someone to spend the rest of his life with. :)

We didn't get along because I am very steadfast in my opinions and his mom has not always been able to graciously allow me to make my own decisions.

The decisions I am talking about are things like what clothing I wear ( i.e. declining hand-me-downs of hers that do not fit and/ or suit me) and how I decorate etc.- things that really are just a matter of a person's own unique taste.

In a nutshell, she has not always been as understanding and appreciative as I would like.

For example, with working two jobs and being that I was dog sitting as well, it was not possible for me to spend the night before Christmas ( this last one) at her home.
But I had set aside my entire and only day off to celebrate the holiday with Bo's family.
Even so, Bo's mom was initially mad at me because I was not spending the night. I wish she would have appreciated that I was doing the best I could to accomodate her.

Similarily, I was booked solid with 12 hour days throughout the duration of the rodeo, and so had no time to visit anyone. I barely saw Bo.
My mother-in-law hinted that I neglected her during this time, yet on the same token it did not occur to her to call me.
And I did call her once myself during that period and e-mailed her regularly, so she did in fact hear from me.

When she found out that I had decided to quit my mall job, the first words she uttered was: " Now you will have time for me."


But as for her good qualities, in general ( a few very ugly artificial trees and outfits being the exception) Bo's mom has very nice taste and is quite generous in gift giving.
And she is a very gifted writer and regularly composes very interesting hand written letters.

[JudynTX]

It's funny you bring up phone calls and such. My MIL doesn't call us, I have to call her. :lol Heck, I hear more from his dad than anything.

I don't love her any less, that's just the way she is. :D

Yippee....you get to spend lots of time with MIL now. :tu

[angel_luv]

I am not a big phone person.

I think my own mom would like it if I were one of those call and chat with her every day kind of daughters.
I am very good with e-mail and have about a two hour conversation with my mom bi monthly.

Bo's mom is a little eccentric and has more e-mail addresses than she can remember to check. Even though I only e-mail her at one address- per her request- she does not always get around to responding to me.
We are still figuring out the best way for us to communicate.

I think a lot of what Bo's mom is experiencing now is empty nest syndrome, so I do try to be understanding. Bo is a joy to have around so I do not blame her for missing him. :)

[AFBlue]

Do all of you married folks get along with your in-laws? :D

I get along fine with my father-in-law. He's an easy going guy that lives a pretty simple life out in the country. Most of our time spent together (not often b/c my wife and I don't live near family) is talking about cars/trucks, weather and time in the service (he was in Vietnam).

The mother-in-law is a little different...

My wife's parents are divorced and her dad was actually the primary parent that raised her. So I only met the MIL a couple times and barely talked to her before I popped the question. To make matters worse, I proposed at a family/friends event and she wasn't there but my wife's dad was. Needless to say, she was very upset and I was not her favorite person.

Since then it's been an uphill climb. We don't say much to one another and it can get awkward at times, though not terribly so. I'm still not sure if she's actually forgiven me for not telling her, but I did apologize...so that probably helped.

Most of the tension now I think stems from the fact that I've kept her daughter away from home for nearly 5 years. My wife and her mother didn't get to spend much time together when she was growing up and they'd just started to reconnect when we moved to Georgia in '05. We could've gone back to Texas last year but ended up in California because of a better opportunity...so that was another strike against me.

Hopefully we end up back in Texas before long and I can start to really build that relationship. As for now we'll continue down the nice/civil, but occasionally awkward path.

[benefactor]

I guess I missed this thread the first time around. I suppose I'll address everything in one post.

My wife and I will be married 8 years in May and have been together for 9. There are varying opinions about the whole "I knew he/she was the one" thing, but I can honestly say that I knew I would marry her 2 weeks into the relationship...and that is something I'd never said about anyone.

We were a contrast of extremes. I ran the streets from 14 to 23 yrs old and she lived at home with her parents all the way up until we got married. I walked away from street life a month before we met, so I was still pretty rough around the edges as we were getting to know each other. It was a bit of shock to her, as she had lived in a box an was a little naive about the darker parts of society. She was like a clean, cold glass of water to me, as I was used to women being a one or two night commitment(except for my daughters mom)...a commitment that the same woman would give to most of my friends. I couldn't believe she wanted a guy like me...and I was bound and determined to do everything I could to show her I wasn't the guy from my past.

We were not only different in life exprerience, but we were also opposite in personality. She was intense, driven and obsessive compulsive. I was a laid back procrastinator that that did everything tomorrow. We wound up helping each other...as I brought her down a couple of notches and she brought me up.

With our vast differences, we went through a lot early on. Our conflicts made us stronger in the end and now we are at a point where neither can really think about life without one another and there is very few things we do apart. I think this is where a lot of marriages get messed up. When conflict arises, people don't like it and want to ignore it. This can lead to absolute disaster. Conflict is healthy and should be met head on. It helps people understand and communicate with each other on deeper levels. Getting into these levels builds the foundation for relationships that make it.

As far as arranged marriages go, I'm pretty much against it. People should be able to find the right person or not get married at all. Marriage, IMO, is the most important relationship on the planet. Two people have the right mix of personality, strengths and weaknesses to make the family unit work...not only for themselves, but also their children. This simply cannot be accomplished by just throwing two people together and telling them to figure it out.

In-laws...they love me more than they love my wife. :)

[sonic21]

Do all of you married folks get along with your in-laws? :D

I hate my MIL, she's such a horrible person. I just tolerated her out of respect for my wife (who has always hated her). But last year, my young sister in law attempted suicide because of her. So now she's banished. We don't see her anymore.

My FIL is the nicest guy, we get along very well.

[Ginofan]

My in-laws are the best. Seriously.

My MIL is always taking care of me when we visit, wanting me to sit down, "Do you want something to drink?" "Just leave that dish I'll get it!" "You better make yourself comfortable!" She's awesome.

And my FIL is just as great. He's always including me in the card games, bowling, reading, and the movies. He treats me just as one of his own kids as I have found out. In fact, on a family trip I finally felt the "Vincent Temper" from him lol. It was over a double ping pong game and I got a little viscous and I think pissed him off a bit and he stomped off but was fine later. All the men in my husband's family have a quick temper I just had never experienced it from my FIL, it felt like being a part of the family for real. :lol

I think I'm truly blessed when it comes to my in-laws, I wouldn't trade them for the world.

[mouse.]

I donta maka da meatloaf...I maka da meatballs!


:lol

[I. Hustle]

My in-laws are great. They always help us out with the kiddos and are there when we need them. They are cool as hell and super easy to get along with.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

How did the entire first page of this thread evolve without someone mentioning that it's not "rearranged marriage", it is "PRE-arranged marriage"? :lmao

That is all.

PS I should have married my Okinawan girlfriend. I didn't. I doubt I'll ever find another woman I feel that way about. But now, I'm actually okay with that. Single life has many rewards.

[marini martini]

How did the entire first page of this thread evolve without someone mentioning that it's not "rearranged marriage", it is "PRE-arranged marriage"? :lmao

That is all.

PS I should have married my Okinawan girlfriend. I didn't. I doubt I'll ever find another woman I feel that way about. But now, I'm actually okay with that. Single life has many rewards.

Ozzy, haven't you realised most everyone here is a tub of crayons with the tips broke off, by now???:wow

..............and if you married your Geisha Doll, your in-laws would have
Harry Carried you in the middle of the night!!!:toast

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Ozzy, haven't you realised most everyone here is a tub of crayons with the tips broke off, by now???:wow

..............and if you married your Geisha Doll, your in-laws would have
Harry Carried you in the middle of the night!!!:toast

:lol

Actually, her parents wanted me to marry her - we got on really well. Her whole family took me in like a son, and I loved the hell out of them too.

And she was no geisha... actually, her figure was more hispanic than anything - baby got back! Islander genes from her Okinawan heritage.

Anyway, it's all water under the bridge now.


i be her naturally snug vagina made your little peepee feel more normal

Projecting, huh? :rolleyes

I'm 6'7" with big hands and feet. You work out the rest.

You must really enjoy being a fucktard - you do it so well! :lmao

[TDMVPDPOY]

ruff i thought ur gay man....

[ploto]

If your spouse gets along well with his/her parents, it is not a good idea to speak poorly of them either to your spouse or in front of him/her. These are the people who raised the person you love, and he/she will feel that a part of him/her is being criticized.

That being said, I had the classic nosey MIL who had to put her 2 cents in on everything. I learned simply to let her say what she wanted and then I did what I wanted. I had no need to discuss it with her or to justify to her anything I decided. The loss for her was that I came to share very little with her and she never really got to know me.

Funny thing is she treats me much better now that I am no longer married to her son. She was brought down a notch in her capacity to criticize me because of what her son did. I think now she knows all I sacrificed and put up with trying to keep my family together. I am even the one who takes her grandson to see her since his father does not. Taking the high road paid off in the long-run.

[smeagol]

Got married at 25, she was 23.

We are closing on 14 years of marriage. It's been a fun ride, with ups and downs . . .

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

ruff i thought ur gay man....

You had a thought? Wow, well done! :rolleyes

[howbouthemspurs]

Im going to be 26 when I get married in July. I cant wait though. This girl is amazing!

[angel_luv]

Im going to be 26 when I get married in July. I cant wait though. This girl is amazing!

Congrats! :)

[JudynTX]

Got married at 25, she was 23.

We are closing on 14 years of marriage. It's been a fun ride, with ups and downs . . .

Congratulations. Yes, marriage has its ups and downs. That's a given.

[howbouthemspurs]

Congrats! :)



Thanks!

[sonic21]

Im going to be 26 when I get married in July. I cant wait though. This girl is amazing!

wow same here, i'll get married in july at 26.

[TDMVPDPOY]

Im going to be 26 when I get married in July. I cant wait though. This girl is amazing!

pics man

[Mixability]

I was 28, she was 22. Been married about 2 years now, together for 5. Been great. Don't really have experience with prearrangments, not my background I guess. I wanted to set financially before I even THOUGHT about proposing. I'm fine with jacking with my finances, but I couldn't bring her into an unstable situation. I'm not rich, just comfortably not worried.