Are you better or worse off then you were a year ago?

[Suicidal Jack]

Everything still sucks for me, how about you?

[AussieFanKurt]

I'm better

[easjer]

Hmmm. A year ago today, I was in the process of having a missed miscarriage induced via misoprostol (that sucked ass, btw, and took three days).

In the year since, I got pregnant again, but it was a cervical ectopic. After that was treated, I got pregnant again and gave birth prematurely to my son, who died about half an hour later. I found out people react to the loss of a child in some bizarre and sometimes inappropriate ways and I've subsequently lost friends who didn't know what to say or do and so they just sort of let go (including people I thought I was very close to).

I'd say it was a pretty shit year.

On the other hand, I have an amazing marriage to a man who is stronger and kinder and gentler than I ever realized. I am in pretty good health, considering three pregnancies in the span of a year. I am employed and despite a rough patch, my employers are pretty pleased with me and I am pleased with my job performance and comfortable in my job. My family is well, and the tragedy we've suffered has pulled us closer together. I got to spend time with my sister and nephew (had not seen her in four years). I got a new car that is pretty sweet. My husband and I have life insurance. Our house is still standing. Our pets are doing ok. I found out that while I have some friends who aren't as close as I thought, I also have friends are amazing bedrocks of support and love. I have a doctor who thinks we'll be able to children yet and who is working with me and not demeaning me. Oh, and the Spurs look like they are going to be a lot of fun to watch and root for this year.

So . . . I guess my life is pretty good, despite the shit year. Call it even?

[ComfortablyNumb]

A little better.

[clambake]

Hmmm. A year ago today, I was in the process of having a missed miscarriage induced via misoprostol (that sucked ass, btw, and took three days).

In the year since, I got pregnant again, but it was a cervical ectopic. After that was treated, I got pregnant again and gave birth prematurely to my son, who died about half an hour later. I found out people react to the loss of a child in some bizarre and sometimes inappropriate ways and I've subsequently lost friends who didn't know what to say or do and so they just sort of let go (including people I thought I was very close to).

I'd say it was a pretty shit year.

On the other hand, I have an amazing marriage to a man who is stronger and kinder and gentler than I ever realized. I am in pretty good health, considering three pregnancies in the span of a year. I am employed and despite a rough patch, my employers are pretty pleased with me and I am pleased with my job performance and comfortable in my job. My family is well, and the tragedy we've suffered has pulled us closer together. I got to spend time with my sister and nephew (had not seen her in four years). I got a new car that is pretty sweet. My husband and I have life insurance. Our house is still standing. Our pets are doing ok. I found out that while I have some friends who aren't as close as I thought, I also have friends are amazing bedrocks of support and love. I have a doctor who thinks we'll be able to children yet and who is working with me and not demeaning me. Oh, and the Spurs look like they are going to be a lot of fun to watch and root for this year.

So . . . I guess my life is pretty good, despite the shit year. Call it even?

nice

[ashbeeigh]

The past year has been a complete and utter circle.

Last year at this time I was interviewing to find a fill time job because funding had been cut at ACORN (because of the voter fraud stuff). Didn't find anything serious until February after I was brought back to full time during tax season when ACORN Housing came calling and gave me some hope. Everything was fine, great perfect. I even felt that ifI stuck it out a bit longer I could come up with something more permanent at ACORN Housing. Then here comes more trouble in late August/September. This time I lost my full time job. And now I'm back where I started in November 2008...in November 2009.

This year has had it's ups and downs. here's hoping for some more ups than downs now.

[BacktoBasics]

Hmmm. A year ago today, I was in the process of having a missed miscarriage induced via misoprostol (that sucked ass, btw, and took three days).

In the year since, I got pregnant again, but it was a cervical ectopic. After that was treated, I got pregnant again and gave birth prematurely to my son, who died about half an hour later. I found out people react to the loss of a child in some bizarre and sometimes inappropriate ways and I've subsequently lost friends who didn't know what to say or do and so they just sort of let go (including people I thought I was very close to).

I'd say it was a pretty shit year.

On the other hand, I have an amazing marriage to a man who is stronger and kinder and gentler than I ever realized. I am in pretty good health, considering three pregnancies in the span of a year. I am employed and despite a rough patch, my employers are pretty pleased with me and I am pleased with my job performance and comfortable in my job. My family is well, and the tragedy we've suffered has pulled us closer together. I got to spend time with my sister and nephew (had not seen her in four years). I got a new car that is pretty sweet. My husband and I have life insurance. Our house is still standing. Our pets are doing ok. I found out that while I have some friends who aren't as close as I thought, I also have friends are amazing bedrocks of support and love. I have a doctor who thinks we'll be able to children yet and who is working with me and not demeaning me. Oh, and the Spurs look like they are going to be a lot of fun to watch and root for this year.

So . . . I guess my life is pretty good, despite the shit year. Call it even?How can you possibly react inappropriately. (you don't have to answer that if you don't want to). People are disgusting.

---------------------

I'm about the same. Many ups and downs. Had testicle surgery. Some tough times as well as some bright spots. Overall I'm in a better place. Our business is good. My job is steady again. I've accumulated more stuff while downsizing in other areas. More than anything its been a productive second half of the year.

[BlackSwordsMan]

im still fat
so pretty good

[bugoy]

about even maybe? im no longer in new jersey and im back in texas, im not employed anymore, but i finished my masters degree...ive gained weight tho since moving home and eating that good ole home cooking :)

[koriwhat]

life could be easier and more extravagant but hey it is what it is and tomorrow is another day. this past yr hasn't been all that bad.

[EmptyMan]

I'm better but still in the "wade through shit" phase. End game goals are still far away.

[xellos88330]

I am a shitload better than last year.

[easjer]

How can you possibly react inappropriately. (you don't have to answer that if you don't want to). People are disgusting.

Oh, a variety of ways - ass-y statements and platitudes (you're young! you can have more kids! - especially since we sort of don't know that to be true- it's all god's plan!), people who make your grief about them (you won't let me help you! I'm trying to save you! I will cut off contact with you because I'm sure it hurts when I talk about my kids and I am not the kind of person to hurt people intentionally!), people who try to tell you that you are grieving wrong or inappropriately (too slowly, too sad, too depressed, need help, too fast, etc), people who totally avoid you and don't mention the pregnancy or child at all (trust me - I LOVE hearing my son acknowledged as a human being who was named, loved, born and died, and I'm always thinking about him so I can't be 'reminded of him' unpleasantly) and completely avoid me.

I try to accept most people have good intentions and just really don't know what to say, so they open wide and shove both feet in, but it's hard to grit your teeth sometimes. I don't think most people intend to be hurtful or rude. As a society, we don't deal with loss well at all, and this is the type of loss that people are really confused by because it doesn't really happen, does it? And if it does, well . . . it wasn't really a person, was it? And if it was, well . . . what do you say about that?

I'm lucky in that no one was completely awful outside the hospital staff, but I've heard some pretty horrible stories from other dead baby parents.

[BacktoBasics]

Oh, a variety of ways - ass-y statements and platitudes (you're young! you can have more kids! - especially since we sort of don't know that to be true- it's all god's plan!), people who make your grief about them (you won't let me help you! I'm trying to save you! I will cut off contact with you because I'm sure it hurts when I talk about my kids and I am not the kind of person to hurt people intentionally!), people who try to tell you that you are grieving wrong or inappropriately (too slowly, too sad, too depressed, need help, too fast, etc), people who totally avoid you and don't mention the pregnancy or child at all (trust me - I LOVE hearing my son acknowledged as a human being who was named, loved, born and died, and I'm always thinking about him so I can't be 'reminded of him' unpleasantly) and completely avoid me.

I try to accept most people have good intentions and just really don't know what to say, so they open wide and shove both feet in, but it's hard to grit your teeth sometimes. I don't think most people intend to be hurtful or rude. As a society, we don't deal with loss well at all, and this is the type of loss that people are really confused by because it doesn't really happen, does it? And if it does, well . . . it wasn't really a person, was it? And if it was, well . . . what do you say about that?

I'm lucky in that no one was completely awful outside the hospital staff, but I've heard some pretty horrible stories from other dead baby parents.It certainly would be hard to determine whether it would be appropriate to discuss the loss or not. I know I would have a hard time deciding if I should just observe the pink elephant in the room or go in to hug it.

However people having any opinion, at all, about your process of grieving or how it should be done is pretty terrible. Every one is different. We lost a pregnancy early on. She grieved hard for a long time. I found comfort in moving forward almost immediately. Everyone deals differently. Its not something that should be judged. I consider it off the table. Anyways I hope you guys are getting along well.

People and there reactions will never cease to amaze us.

[easjer]

I think that was the hardest thing - our process of grieving being judged. I remember finally yelling at a friend who was telling me how badly I was doing and how upset she was that I wouldn't get professional help that the fact that I was getting out of bed every day, showering regularly, eating, not taking drugs or drinking myself into a stupor was pretty fucking good, thanks. Because it was less than a month after and all I wanted to do was stay in bed and cry.

Overall, we're doing pretty well. We have moments and even days that are hard, and I think the holidays will be tough, but overall, ok. I started taking anti-depressants to help me over the hump about 5 weeks ago, and that made a huge difference - I just wasn't physically coping well (no appetite, not sleeping well, having a LOT of trouble focusing/concentrating) and that made everything harder. Now that I physically feel better, I've been able to process a lot more and feel more peaceful about some things. We miss him, but we can look forward, I'd guess you say.

I won't lie though, even on meds, I'm anxious about another pregnancy, and I think I'll probably have to be medicated through the next one. But we're just taking it one step at a time and the next step is some testing that the new doc and I will discuss at my next appointment on Friday.

[Strike]

I'm definitely better now than I was a year ago. At this time last year, I was in a bad marriage, behind on my bills, broke, depressed, angry, nearly cut off from my friends, and the heaviest I'd ever been. Now the wife is gone, my bills are not only caught up, I'm ahead of them thanks to a promotion and a nice pay raise. I neither feel depressed nor angry with the wife gone. My performance at work has improved, my overall mood is better, and I've even lost around 35 pounds in the past 6 months.

I'm doing better now compared to not only last year, but the previous 6 years as well. Right now, life is good.

[EricB]

Last year at this time i was rounding up a ho hum year with no prospects for the future, still living with my buddy from high school looking forward to getting home to more nights with him and the guys and not much else. Then on New Year's Eve I met the love of my life, and in three weeks from tonight, I'm going to propose to her on our vacation. You always hear about guys that are nervous or worried about engagement or whatever, I don't feel anything but excitement and happiness.
Best year of my life by far and away :)

[EricB]

I'm definitely better now than I was a year ago. At this time last year, I was in a bad marriage, behind on my bills, broke, depressed, angry, nearly cut off from my friends, and the heaviest I'd ever been. Now the wife is gone, my bills are not only caught up, I'm ahead of them thanks to a promotion and a nice pay raise. I neither feel depressed nor angry with the wife gone. My performance at work has improved, my overall mood is better, and I've even lost around 35 pounds in the past 6 months.

I'm doing better now compared to not only last year, but the previous 6 years as well. Right now, life is good.


Glad to hear man, from what I can tell on here you seem like good people :)

[Strike]

I think that was the hardest thing - our process of grieving being judged. I remember finally yelling at a friend who was telling me how badly I was doing and how upset she was that I wouldn't get professional help that the fact that I was getting out of bed every day, showering regularly, eating, not taking drugs or drinking myself into a stupor was pretty fucking good, thanks. Because it was less than a month after and all I wanted to do was stay in bed and cry.

Overall, we're doing pretty well. We have moments and even days that are hard, and I think the holidays will be tough, but overall, ok. I started taking anti-depressants to help me over the hump about 5 weeks ago, and that made a huge difference - I just wasn't physically coping well (no appetite, not sleeping well, having a LOT of trouble focusing/concentrating) and that made everything harder. Now that I physically feel better, I've been able to process a lot more and feel more peaceful about some things. We miss him, but we can look forward, I'd guess you say.

I won't lie though, even on meds, I'm anxious about another pregnancy, and I think I'll probably have to be medicated through the next one. But we're just taking it one step at a time and the next step is some testing that the new doc and I will discuss at my next appointment on Friday.

Sounds to me like you are doing what's right for you. Good for you.

And if I'm overstepping, I apologize, but have you considered adopting?

[Strike]

Glad to hear man, from what I can tell on here you seem like good people :)

I rub some people the wrong way but I think I'm a decent dude. My friends and (some of my) family would agree.

[koriwhat]

Last year at this time i was rounding up a ho hum year with no prospects for the future, still living with my buddy from high school looking forward to getting home to more nights with him and the guys and not much else. Then on New Year's Eve I met the love of my life, and in three weeks from tonight, I'm going to propose to her on our vacation. You always hear about guys that are nervous or worried about engagement or whatever, I don't feel anything but excitement and happiness.
Best year of my life by far and away :)

:toast

[tlongII]

Worse off, but better looking.

[jcrod]

About the same, which could be better, but could be worse. I have a good job, family is healthy, roof over our heads and food to eat.

[easjer]

Sounds to me like you are doing what's right for you. Good for you.

And if I'm overstepping, I apologize, but have you considered adopting?

Not overstepping at all. It's something that is under consideration and that we have definitely looked into (along with surrogacy). Adoption is not an easy or inexpensive route though; I think a lot of people don't know what a process adoption is or how much it costs. Our preference would be for an infant domestic adoption (no preferences to sex or race), though if enough time passed we would certainly consider adopting an older child. It seems counter-intuitive that adoption is a difficult process, given how many kids seem to be unwanted, but there it is.

Before we could even consider it, we'd have to clean up our finances more (pay off the credit card, accumulate far more in savings, have repairs done to our house) and I would likely need to lose a fair amount of weight to get with a really good agency. The homestudy and financial approval process can take months, even a year or more, and then the time after that for matching. And matches can fall through, because the bio-parent chooses to parent after all, or other issues arise. It can be really heartbreaking, and I'm not sure I'm quite ready for that rollercoaster.

Additionally, the new doc thinks that there isn't a specific issue with me being able to have children and carry to term. The four pregnancies have all been really different in terms of their ending, and there is no common thread between them. This last pregnancy - Gabe was healthy throughout, and there were warning signs that something was wrong with the placenta that another doctor dismissed. She thinks there is likely nothing that could have been done (except to try and stop labor, which the hospital did not do, and it may have been too late by the time I got there, and it may not have worked anyway). We're going to do some testing just to be sure there is nothing that is potentially contributing to placental malformation (which would likely be fixable by surgery if there is something, but she doesn't think there is), but mostly . . . it's been pretty shit luck, in her words (too bad these odds couldn't help me out with the lottery, huh?).

Given that, and given the monitoring that I'll have for the next one and given that we have no difficulty getting pregnant, we're going to continue to try for biological children for now. If we go through a late loss like this again, we'll consider adoption more closely and working more towards that goal.

[CuckingFunt]

About the same for me, though as a full-time student with no job it's not as if there's much that could have changed. The summer was kind of boring -- I learned that, despite how fun my social life was for those months, I really do thrive on having something to do -- but it wasn't so boring that it had any impact on my overall sense of happiness or contentment.

As I'm applying to grad schools and facing the idea of living outside of California for the first time since I was a toddler, however, I'm certainly curious as to how I will answer this question a year from now. I hope it will still be positive, but I'd be lying if I claimed not to be nervous about the upcoming change.

[Strike]

Not overstepping at all. It's something that is under consideration and that we have definitely looked into (along with surrogacy). Adoption is not an easy or inexpensive route though; I think a lot of people don't know what a process adoption is or how much it costs. Our preference would be for an infant domestic adoption (no preferences to sex or race), though if enough time passed we would certainly consider adopting an older child. It seems counter-intuitive that adoption is a difficult process, given how many kids seem to be unwanted, but there it is.

Before we could even consider it, we'd have to clean up our finances more (pay off the credit card, accumulate far more in savings, have repairs done to our house) and I would likely need to lose a fair amount of weight to get with a really good agency. The homestudy and financial approval process can take months, even a year or more, and then the time after that for matching. And matches can fall through, because the bio-parent chooses to parent after all, or other issues arise. It can be really heartbreaking, and I'm not sure I'm quite ready for that rollercoaster.

Additionally, the new doc thinks that there isn't a specific issue with me being able to have children and carry to term. The four pregnancies have all been really different in terms of their ending, and there is no common thread between them. This last pregnancy - Gabe was healthy throughout, and there were warning signs that something was wrong with the placenta that another doctor dismissed. She thinks there is likely nothing that could have been done (except to try and stop labor, which the hospital did not do, and it may have been too late by the time I got there, and it may not have worked anyway). We're going to do some testing just to be sure there is nothing that is potentially contributing to placental malformation (which would likely be fixable by surgery if there is something, but she doesn't think there is), but mostly . . . it's been pretty shit luck, in her words (too bad these odds couldn't help me out with the lottery, huh?).

Given that, and given the monitoring that I'll have for the next one and given that we have no difficulty getting pregnant, we're going to continue to try for biological children for now. If we go through a late loss like this again, we'll consider adoption more closely and working more towards that goal.

I was adopted as an infant so I have an idea about how many hoops prospective parents have to jump through. My grandparents adopted me because my birth mother was too young, too immature and too doped out to be a parent to me. Even then, it was a long, expensive process.

With so many unwanted children out there, as well as the amount of people who want children but can't conceive, it saddens me how difficult it is for good people to be able to save a child from the system. Being adopted was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.

Anyway, I'm glad you've considered it. But if you're able to have a family naturally, go for it. You and your husband are good peoples. Keep trying.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

The way in which you measure this question, the standard you use, says a lot about you.

For me, better - I'm grateful for every extra day I'm gifted to live this wonderful life of peace, prosperity and wonder. I could go into that in great detail, but what's the point when it's all summed up in one simple phrase... life is good. :)

Actually, I will mention one thing: 6 years ago, during my second trip to San Antonio, I nearly killed myself on the first jet-lagged morning by stepping out in front of a bus (we drive on opposite sides of the road, and I was still disoriented). Some latent animal instinct, or ethereal gust of wind, stopped me, and I remember being toppled backwards onto the grass verge of San Pedro Avenue and sitting there as the bus whooshed by and my heart beat at 180 beat per minute. Since that day I've felt that every extra day is a gift from the Universe. I think that moment profoundly altered my life. So there you go.

[blizz]

better....promoted...making more $$.....being a father is better every day...my daughter is so much fun....it's great.

[DieMrBond]

For me, the year has been pretty up and down... in this year so far;

My daughter turned 5, and was put up in school. She is currently reading at an age 8/9 level. The kid is flat out smart.

My eldest son turned 4, and is an incredibly good looking kid. He did NOT get that from me, more his mother.

My youngest son turned 2, and is now talking like crazy. His favourite thing is to say 'daddy cool', 'mummy cool'. I also taught him to fist bump, high five, throw a peace sign and generally be a giant dag.

My wife reverted back to severe depression, due to the rough shit that has happened in her life, along with a healthy dose of PND. She eventually went back on a new antidepressant (lexapro) after a 4 year gap without any. After a few weeks, they upped her dosage. She started getting really tired, really angry, lost all drive to be awake/have sex/interact with anyone/etc. Started getting massive migraines. So, she stopped the antidepressants, and within 2 days while driving had the effects of a stroke, and had to be rushed to hospital. (Blue arms, loss of breathing, pain in left side, etc). She developed a severe stutter, and light phobia. 3 days later, 2 mris and a cat scan later, it was discovered she had a tumour behind her left eye. 2 days later, we were finally told it wasnt the cause of the problem, and sent home. 3 months later, she has finally stopped stuttering (it was a long and painful process) but still cannot handle light very well at all (sunglasses on constantly outside, and cannot drive at night due to migraines from the lights).

During that time, while supporting her as best i can, my biggest flaw came up. I am REALLY forgetful, and it appears to her as though i am not listening. This caused a blow up, and she kicked me out of home. Two problems, she is my best friend and we have young kids. We have managed to keep the kids unawares, by me going there every day after work and seeing the kids until they are in bed (i do everything once i step in the door, cook dinner, put kids to bed, read stories, baths, brush teeth, play, etc - always have, its part of their routine). Then travelling up to my parents house after they are asleep.

Needless to say, these last few months have been probably the worst of my life.

Thankfully, in the last few days we have made some serious progress in repairing our relationship, which has been great.

On the work front, i got a 10% pay rise (always good news), we weathered the 'recession' fairly well, have had some seriously busy and stressful months lately with busy jobs. We are a multimedia company, specialising in site specific inductions (safety, working at heights, etc) for companies in mining, industry, etc.

I am hoping to wrap up the year on a high note, by getting another payrise, getting back 100% with the misses, and keep on enjoying my kids. Fingers crossed.

[PM5K]

Well I heard B2B is getting 100 bucks more per month on his Lone Star card so he's doing better.

[ehz33satx]

I wonder how that kid who scratched his face all up is doing? Still living with his parents and beating himself up?

[Höfner]

Worse. I've got 365 less days to live.

[Jekka]

I have no idea - too many variables up in the air right now for me to know if I'm worse off or not. If I pull off graduating a semester early just to not have a job waiting for me, then things definitely aren't going great.


I was adopted as an infant so I have an idea about how many hoops prospective parents have to jump through.
Ditto. It was expensive and crazy in the early 80s when I was born, but my parents were still surprised to find out how much the cost of the process went up with the same agency 20 years later. It's doable, but they definitely make it harder to adopt more than one.

[angel_luv]

I still have a lot of things I want to accomplish of course, but I have worked hard and made good decisions, and am better off and wiser than I was this time last year.

[angel_luv]

Easjer-

My mom I am certain would be happy to talk to you about her experience adopting me as well as her experiences as a foster parent, if ever that is something that would interest you.

I would love to see you as SFIE adopt because I know what a world of hope, joy and love you will bring into all your childrens' lives.
I grew up with foster siblings so know how much it would mean to a kid in need of a home to find one with you and SFIE. It would be like winning the parent lottery for them. :)

[DarkReign]

As I'm applying to grad schools and facing the idea of living outside of California for the first time since I was a toddler, however, I'm certainly curious as to how I will answer this question a year from now. I hope it will still be positive, but I'd be lying if I claimed not to be nervous about the upcoming change.

I'd pay money to see a life-long Californian, feminist and career student's adventure into the real world.

[CuckingFunt]

I'd pay money to see a life-long Californian, feminist and career student's adventure into the real world.

Why, exactly?

[David Bowie]

Hmmm. Exactly a year ago today I was let go from a job I really loved. I was taking Seroquell (for anxiety and OCD) at the time, which made things a lot better then they had been the previous year and a half. I've had small jobs sinece then, but nothing permanent and nothing I really enjoyed. I am still unemployed. I had a seven moth relationship, where there was talk of marriege and children. But I broke it off for better or for worse. I spent Halloween with the ex and realized he was seeing someone else, which made me a little bit jelous. I've tried a ton of medications for anixety all of which I had to discontinue due to side effects. Overall, a shitty year. But better then the one before.