ducks
04-18-2005, 07:49 PM
Cue the voice of Jan Brady. Instead of "Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!" I am inserting "Lakers!, Lakers!, Lakers!"
Bleep the Lakers. I'm sick of the Lakers. I'm sick of reading about them, sick of watching the world stop when their games are on TV and sick of "SportsCenter" giving them the Red Sox/Cubs/Yankees treatment, breaking down every breath and every movement of every minute of every game.
In case you people haven't noticed, we in Northern California should hate the Lakers. Oh sure, Kings fans do, but they are -- for the most part -- myopic yokels.
NorCal liking the Lakers should be like Michigan fans cheering for Ohio State, like Georgia fans rooting on Florida, like Texas backers joining Sooner Nation.
But it's not uncool because we in the Bay Area can be very lazy sports fans. Oh, the Lakers are winning? Cool, I like them now. Kobe rocks!
Disgraceful.
Granted, our NBA franchise has been a sick joke for a decade. But this is no time to leap into the crowded waters of Laker Nation. It's overcrowded with wanna-be clowns already.
Hey look, it's Kobe Bryant! No, actually it's some lame 15-year-old stoner from Milpitas sporting a Kobe jersey. And could you pull up your damn pants!
The Lakers will win the NBA title again. So what?
The struggling, mostly wretched league needs the Lakers more than ever this year and you know L.A. gets preferential treatment in every way. The league doesn't even try to hide it.
The Spurs wipe the floor with the Lakers for two games then roll over like well-trained dogs when the series is on the line. Suspicious? You bet.
Why are the Lakers so likable, anyway? OK, because they win. Bad answer.
Shaq is an overrated fraud with very limited offensive skills. He just happens to be bigger than everyone else. When he hip-checks a defender out of the way, it's a foul. It's never called. He is also an actor, rap star and policeman. So am I.
Kobe Bryant is on trial for allegedly doing something especially awful. He'll get off because he has piles of money and great lawyers.
Wow, Kobe manages to go from court to a cushy private airplane to a cushy limo and get to the game on time. A real hero.
Gary Payton is a yappy punk who has no respect for anyone or anything. Karl Malone has been throwing cheap-shot elbows his entire career, a career made almost entirely by John Stockton.
Please, get me a signed pennant from this collection of fine citizens.
Aside from the Big Four, name four other Lakers. Most of the slack-jawed morons I saw this weekend drooling over the Lakers couldn't name more than two other Lakers.
"Yeah, there's that DeVon George guy and who's the Russian dude, Medchalinko? Yeah, that's it. Man, and that Eric Fisher dude who hit the buzzer shot, He rules. And, um, one of them has a hot wife, right?"
Go ahead, cheer for L.A. Idolize Kobe and Shaq and the overblown nonsense that is the Lakers.
Then go back to your residence in Concord or Hayward or San Jose or Novato and realize that your Bay Area sports fan license has been revoked.
* Speaking of the Kings, their fans took a huge step back in the bid to be accepted as intelligent and classy by littering the court during the last playoff game.
I won't blame all Kings fans, but when your city is thirsting for a major league image, and you trot out the WNBA, team tennis, minor-league baseball and the WFL and CFL as your legacy, you cannot afford to make idiots of yourselves on national TV.
* Walking out of SBC Park on Sunday, I was flat-out disgusted. For the first time in a long while, it looked as if the Giants weren't trying.
Smoked by the Pirates? Seriously?
From the comical collection of former Giants pitchers shutting down the Giants on Friday night to the horrific -- almost lazy -- ninth-inning baserunning of A.J. Pierzynski on Saturday to the gutless overall effort on Sunday, the Giants have stamped themselves the worst team in the National League not from Canada.
Lyle Overbay and Vinny Castilla have 23 more RBIs than the entire starting infield (including the catcher) for the Giants. That same infield has managed five homers. Five! This might be the worst clutch-hitting team in recent baseball history.
Also, would it kill Felipe Alou to get a little more animated and maybe look like he's fighting for his team? He trots out there, asks the umpires to tea, then slinks back to the dugout.
Has any MLB team gone from 100 wins to 100 losses without cleaning house, while actually trying to get better? This might be some sort of horrific record in the making. Giants fans should be thankful for the last seven or eight seasons, but this 2004 train wreck will leave a scab that could be tough to pick.
* A rare boxing note from the Fool. As much as the media and promoters want the idiotic Klitschko brothers to be in title fights, it's rather clear that they are mostly rusty tomato cans who should not be fighting for any belts.
This bizarre quest to find a white guy to fight for a title needs to stop. What few boxing fans remain want the best fighters and aren't worried about race. Most everyone else who might be drawn to a big pay-per-view event has realized that the sport is pretty much dead.
* I was channel surfing this weekend and thought for a second that the Indy 500 was getting close. No, it's not. It was the middle of the 173 weeks of time trials that lead up to the race, which simply doesn't have that much appeal anymore.
* Has anybody ever watched ESPN's "Cold Pizza?" Do you know anyone who has? Is it as patently awful as I'm imagining?
* Note to Chris Berman: Glad you're back on SportsCenter and all that, but you need to lose the nickname gag. It's a lot more important now that we know who the hell you're talking about than being reminded that you still live in the '70s
Bleep the Lakers. I'm sick of the Lakers. I'm sick of reading about them, sick of watching the world stop when their games are on TV and sick of "SportsCenter" giving them the Red Sox/Cubs/Yankees treatment, breaking down every breath and every movement of every minute of every game.
In case you people haven't noticed, we in Northern California should hate the Lakers. Oh sure, Kings fans do, but they are -- for the most part -- myopic yokels.
NorCal liking the Lakers should be like Michigan fans cheering for Ohio State, like Georgia fans rooting on Florida, like Texas backers joining Sooner Nation.
But it's not uncool because we in the Bay Area can be very lazy sports fans. Oh, the Lakers are winning? Cool, I like them now. Kobe rocks!
Disgraceful.
Granted, our NBA franchise has been a sick joke for a decade. But this is no time to leap into the crowded waters of Laker Nation. It's overcrowded with wanna-be clowns already.
Hey look, it's Kobe Bryant! No, actually it's some lame 15-year-old stoner from Milpitas sporting a Kobe jersey. And could you pull up your damn pants!
The Lakers will win the NBA title again. So what?
The struggling, mostly wretched league needs the Lakers more than ever this year and you know L.A. gets preferential treatment in every way. The league doesn't even try to hide it.
The Spurs wipe the floor with the Lakers for two games then roll over like well-trained dogs when the series is on the line. Suspicious? You bet.
Why are the Lakers so likable, anyway? OK, because they win. Bad answer.
Shaq is an overrated fraud with very limited offensive skills. He just happens to be bigger than everyone else. When he hip-checks a defender out of the way, it's a foul. It's never called. He is also an actor, rap star and policeman. So am I.
Kobe Bryant is on trial for allegedly doing something especially awful. He'll get off because he has piles of money and great lawyers.
Wow, Kobe manages to go from court to a cushy private airplane to a cushy limo and get to the game on time. A real hero.
Gary Payton is a yappy punk who has no respect for anyone or anything. Karl Malone has been throwing cheap-shot elbows his entire career, a career made almost entirely by John Stockton.
Please, get me a signed pennant from this collection of fine citizens.
Aside from the Big Four, name four other Lakers. Most of the slack-jawed morons I saw this weekend drooling over the Lakers couldn't name more than two other Lakers.
"Yeah, there's that DeVon George guy and who's the Russian dude, Medchalinko? Yeah, that's it. Man, and that Eric Fisher dude who hit the buzzer shot, He rules. And, um, one of them has a hot wife, right?"
Go ahead, cheer for L.A. Idolize Kobe and Shaq and the overblown nonsense that is the Lakers.
Then go back to your residence in Concord or Hayward or San Jose or Novato and realize that your Bay Area sports fan license has been revoked.
* Speaking of the Kings, their fans took a huge step back in the bid to be accepted as intelligent and classy by littering the court during the last playoff game.
I won't blame all Kings fans, but when your city is thirsting for a major league image, and you trot out the WNBA, team tennis, minor-league baseball and the WFL and CFL as your legacy, you cannot afford to make idiots of yourselves on national TV.
* Walking out of SBC Park on Sunday, I was flat-out disgusted. For the first time in a long while, it looked as if the Giants weren't trying.
Smoked by the Pirates? Seriously?
From the comical collection of former Giants pitchers shutting down the Giants on Friday night to the horrific -- almost lazy -- ninth-inning baserunning of A.J. Pierzynski on Saturday to the gutless overall effort on Sunday, the Giants have stamped themselves the worst team in the National League not from Canada.
Lyle Overbay and Vinny Castilla have 23 more RBIs than the entire starting infield (including the catcher) for the Giants. That same infield has managed five homers. Five! This might be the worst clutch-hitting team in recent baseball history.
Also, would it kill Felipe Alou to get a little more animated and maybe look like he's fighting for his team? He trots out there, asks the umpires to tea, then slinks back to the dugout.
Has any MLB team gone from 100 wins to 100 losses without cleaning house, while actually trying to get better? This might be some sort of horrific record in the making. Giants fans should be thankful for the last seven or eight seasons, but this 2004 train wreck will leave a scab that could be tough to pick.
* A rare boxing note from the Fool. As much as the media and promoters want the idiotic Klitschko brothers to be in title fights, it's rather clear that they are mostly rusty tomato cans who should not be fighting for any belts.
This bizarre quest to find a white guy to fight for a title needs to stop. What few boxing fans remain want the best fighters and aren't worried about race. Most everyone else who might be drawn to a big pay-per-view event has realized that the sport is pretty much dead.
* I was channel surfing this weekend and thought for a second that the Indy 500 was getting close. No, it's not. It was the middle of the 173 weeks of time trials that lead up to the race, which simply doesn't have that much appeal anymore.
* Has anybody ever watched ESPN's "Cold Pizza?" Do you know anyone who has? Is it as patently awful as I'm imagining?
* Note to Chris Berman: Glad you're back on SportsCenter and all that, but you need to lose the nickname gag. It's a lot more important now that we know who the hell you're talking about than being reminded that you still live in the '70s