Ignignokt
12-23-2009, 03:40 AM
First of all, i'd like to thank each and every one of you for coming to the land of freedom and opportunity. The United States of America is an experiment of many cultures, yet indivisible and universal in our love for freedom.
But first, As a fellow american, I have set up some guidelines to which some of you should follow to better assimilate to your new path.
Mexicans
1. We americans love our yards and neighborhoods. Please don't park your trucks on your st augustine, don't play your music too loud.
2. When you buy a Chevy, don't add any decals, bug deflectors or Catholic insignia. If your chevy looks like a power ranger weapon, you've over done it.
3. In america, our toilets are heavy duty and can handle tissue paper.
Chinese
1. Can you cut hair? give me a call at (512) XXX -XXXX. 5 dolla, no perm or layering, i just want a enough on the top and use clippers on the bottom to fade or taper.
2. Please do, bring in as many bootlegged DVD's with multiple movies, minus Gigli or any movie with Jennifer Lopez.
3. If you're a girl, good for you! American men will definately find you attractive no matter how bad you look. Sorry Guys.
4. If you plan on having kids, don't be an asshole and give them piano lessons at age 2, let them have a childhood and allow them to mature, thereby giving us time to catch up on our music chops. Thanx.
Indians, Arabs, Pakis
1. Wear deodorant. Cmon, I don't get how you wear polos to work out yet don't use deodorant.
2. Wearing sandals is pretty gay. Don't ruin a nice set of khakis and a decent shirt by wearing some opened toe sandals with your fungal nails sticking out. DSW is your friend.
3. Don't worry about getting confused for Mexicans. Most americans know that Mexicans would never wear Armani silk shirts to go pickup a drivers liscense at the DOT, nor wear counterfiet JLO glasses to a movie theatre, nor be utter complete douches and order the Veggie sub at subway or a bean chalupa no meat at taco bell. You'll be okay in that regard.
The rest.
We don't have many channels here for soccer by design. Get with the program and watch a real tactical sport like Football. If you think that's bad.. well you're out of luck because your progenity will have no choice but to join the club.
Thanks.
But first, As a fellow american, I have set up some guidelines to which some of you should follow to better assimilate to your new path.
Mexicans
1. We americans love our yards and neighborhoods. Please don't park your trucks on your st augustine, don't play your music too loud.
2. When you buy a Chevy, don't add any decals, bug deflectors or Catholic insignia. If your chevy looks like a power ranger weapon, you've over done it.
3. In america, our toilets are heavy duty and can handle tissue paper.
Chinese
1. Can you cut hair? give me a call at (512) XXX -XXXX. 5 dolla, no perm or layering, i just want a enough on the top and use clippers on the bottom to fade or taper.
2. Please do, bring in as many bootlegged DVD's with multiple movies, minus Gigli or any movie with Jennifer Lopez.
3. If you're a girl, good for you! American men will definately find you attractive no matter how bad you look. Sorry Guys.
4. If you plan on having kids, don't be an asshole and give them piano lessons at age 2, let them have a childhood and allow them to mature, thereby giving us time to catch up on our music chops. Thanx.
Indians, Arabs, Pakis
1. Wear deodorant. Cmon, I don't get how you wear polos to work out yet don't use deodorant.
2. Wearing sandals is pretty gay. Don't ruin a nice set of khakis and a decent shirt by wearing some opened toe sandals with your fungal nails sticking out. DSW is your friend.
3. Don't worry about getting confused for Mexicans. Most americans know that Mexicans would never wear Armani silk shirts to go pickup a drivers liscense at the DOT, nor wear counterfiet JLO glasses to a movie theatre, nor be utter complete douches and order the Veggie sub at subway or a bean chalupa no meat at taco bell. You'll be okay in that regard.
The rest.
We don't have many channels here for soccer by design. Get with the program and watch a real tactical sport like Football. If you think that's bad.. well you're out of luck because your progenity will have no choice but to join the club.
Thanks.