PDA

View Full Version : All Must Repent Or Accept The Wrath Of The SPAM!



Ed Helicopter Jones
04-26-2005, 03:09 PM
http://napoleon.xidus.net/spammism/spamtmpl.jpg


Remember this and never forget how you provoked the SPAM to anger. From the day the Duncan was injured until this day, you have been rebellious against the SPAM and turned your back on his words. You aroused the SPAM's wrath so that he was angry enough to destroy you. When I went to the temple of the SPAM to receive the Spurs message of salvation, the message of the championship that the SPAM had made with you, I stayed in the temple forty entire minutes; I ate no bread and drank no water, only SPAM. The SPAM gave me two white tablets inscribed by the finger of SPAM. On them read the words “Rolaids” proclaimed to you on the mountain out of the fire, on the last day of March.

Then the SPAM told me, "Go down from here at once, because your people whom Kori and LJ brought out of posting exile have become corrupt. They have turned away quickly from what I commanded them and have made a cast idol for themselves."

And the SPAM said to me, "I have seen this people, and they are a stiff-necked people indeed! Let me alone, so that I may destroy them and blot out the Spurs’ name from under the championship trophy. And I will make you into a SPAMnation stronger and more numerous than they."

So I turned and went down from the temple while it was ablaze with fire. And the two tablets of the Rolaids were in my hands. When I looked, I saw that you had sinned against the SPAM; you had made for yourselves an idol cast in the shape of a Nugget. You had turned aside quickly from the way that the LORD had commanded you. So I took the two tablets and threw them out of my hands, breaking them to pieces before your eyes, leaving me with quite the upset stomach indeed.

Then once again I fell prostrate before the SPAM for forty minutes; again I ate no bread and drank no water, only SPAM, because of all the sin you had committed, doing what was evil in the SPAM's sight and so provoking him to anger. I feared the anger and wrath of the SPAM, for he was angry enough with you to destroy you. But again the SPAM listened to me. And the SPAM was angry enough with Sequspur to destroy him, but at that time I prayed for Sequ too. Also I took that sinful thing of yours, the Nugget you had made, and burned it in the fire. Then I crushed it and ground it to powder as fine as dust and threw the dust into a stream that flowed down the mountain.

And when the playoffs started the SPAM foresaw that the Spurs quest would be successful. But you rebelled against the commandments of the SPAM. You did not trust him or obey him. You have been rebellious against the SPAM ever since I have known you.

I lay prostrate before the SPAM those forty minutes suffering from incredible indigestion and a slight hangover because the SPAM had said he would destroy you. I prayed to the SPAM and said, "O SPAM, do not destroy your people, your own inheritance that you redeemed by your great power and rewarded with two championship trophies. Remember your servants Solid D, Timvp and Kori. Overlook the stubbornness of this people, their wickedness and their sin. Otherwise, the country from which you brought us will say, 'Because the SPAM was not able to take them into the land of the NBA Title, and because he hated them, he brought them out to put them to death in the desert.' But they are your people, your inheritance that you brought out by your great power and your outstretched arm. Make an offering here, in this thread, to renew your allegiance to the power of the SPAM, and leave behind you all wickedness and doubt.

Kori Ellis
04-26-2005, 03:14 PM
:lmao

Repent, all those who don't believe in SPAM!

For those of you who do not understand, read here (http://spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11673) a previous EHF masterpiece.

Shelly
04-26-2005, 03:23 PM
damn...If I didn't have a headache, I'd read all that. :lol

But since it's from Chopper Boy, I know it's good!

CosmicCowboy
04-26-2005, 03:29 PM
http://www-106.ibm.com/developerworks/library/lol/spamato/spam-c07.jpg

behold!...I make an offering of SPAM!...

Phonzie20
04-26-2005, 03:29 PM
Damn.. didn't read that but you are our version of jp !

Ed Helicopter Jones
04-26-2005, 03:39 PM
See Deuteronomy, chapter 9 of the Bible for my inspiration on this one.

slayermin
04-26-2005, 03:39 PM
I was gonna eat a turkey burger but now, I must go out and buy some SPAM to make a SPAM Burger.

Hopefully SPAM will give the Spurs the strength to overcome.

Solid D
04-26-2005, 03:45 PM
Edgar, you'd better be praying to the Lord and tell Him you' just playin' and while you're at it, be thankin' Him that SPAM is now good and acceptable in His sight, for now there is no clean nor unclean animal nor SPAM (part clean/part unclean), Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free.

Ginofan
04-26-2005, 03:49 PM
:lol That is the best thing I've read in a while, nice job!

MadDog73
04-26-2005, 03:56 PM
Blessed be the SPAM, (s)he who partakes of the SPAM shall live in Glory forever and ever.

Summers
04-26-2005, 03:57 PM
O Mighty SPAM! Forgive me my wicked panic attack Sunday night!!! I make to thee an offering of... um...

I have an apple... :)

I can't pretend to offer myself up as a virgin sacrifice right?

(falls to floor speaking in tongues)

Ed Helicopter Jones
04-26-2005, 03:57 PM
Edgar, you'd better be praying to the Lord and tell Him you' just playin' and while you're at it, be thankin' Him that SPAM is now good and acceptable in His sight, for now there is no clean nor unclean animal nor SPAM (part clean/part unclean), Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free.


Solid, God knows it's all in good fun. His attorney did contact me regarding copyright infringment, but I assured him that all proceeds from SPAMnation are being donated to Christian charities. All future potential litigative matters were averted with my signature on a document officially attesting to God as the one true Lord, and agreeing to include the following disclaimer on all subsequent SPAM posts:





NOTE: SPAM IS NOT THE LORD GOD. ONLY THE TASTE OF IT IS HEAVENLY




Hopefully this lays your fears to rest.

Solid D
04-26-2005, 03:59 PM
:rollin eternal "SPAMnation" could also describe what lays in store for you if you didn't repent. :lol

cherylsteele
04-26-2005, 04:02 PM
At least I wasn't mentioned by name :lol

Never thought of Spam that way.

Instead of a chicken salad sandwich for lunch....I could make a Spam salad sandwich.

Ed Helicopter Jones
04-26-2005, 04:05 PM
At least I wasn't mentioned by name :lol

Instead of a chicken salad sandwich for lunch....I could make a Spam salad sandwich.

mmm....Spam salad!

Shelly
04-26-2005, 04:08 PM
http://www-106.ibm.com/developerworks/library/lol/spamato/spam-c07.jpg

behold!...I make an offering of SPAM!...


That's disgusting! :throwupsp

samikeyp
04-26-2005, 04:16 PM
Hail SPAM!

The streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers!

tekdragon
04-26-2005, 04:48 PM
I lay prostrate before the SPAM those forty minutes suffering from incredible indigestion and a slight hangover because the SPAM had said he would destroy you.

Funniest Post Ever Forum.

Ed Helicopter Jones
04-26-2005, 05:50 PM
Sequ, get in here and repent!

SpursWoman
04-26-2005, 06:02 PM
:lmao :lmao :lmao


Preach on, SPAM Moses!


My faith in SPAM hath never waned....although there's this serpent that's been slithering around my door step....

Leetonidas
04-26-2005, 07:55 PM
I read this one and the one before, I am loyal to SPAM!

BELIEVE!

Rummpd
04-26-2005, 09:20 PM
spam On! spamsanity!

spamoverdenver! Karlspammed! Martinspammed! Charminanthonyspammed!

Ohihaveseenthelightthankyouohhighspam

Ed Helicopter Jones
04-27-2005, 12:22 PM
The SPAM is pleased with all except Sequspur who has failed to repent. It is one thing to have the country of Argentina mad at you, but woe to any man who angers the SPAM.