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08-28-2004, 02:03 PM
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Space Madness

Generously donated by Captain HoŽk

REN: Well Stimpy, what's on TV tonight?

STIMPY: Oh joy! Hey Ren, it's "Commander HoŽk and Stimpy"! Happy happy happy, joy joy joy!

(Stimpy disappears at high speed.)

STIMPY: My favorite live-action drama! Don't let it start, don't let it start!

(Stimpy returns wearing Cadet Stimpy outfit with space helmet, and salutes Ren.)

STIMPY: Roger. A-OK. Activate viewscreen. I can't watch this show without my...

Stimpy produces rings...trusty Commander HoŽk Radar Decoder Ring, my *official* Commander HoŽk Space Helmet, not to mention your genuine Super-Elastic Time Shorts (bet you don't have a pair of THESE, Earthling), AAANND...

Stimpy sticks out his tongue...my Anti-Gravity Bubble Gum!

ANNOUNCER: All systems go! Prepare for countdown! Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one! Blast off to adventure in the amazing year Four Hundred Billion, with Commander HoŽk and his faithful companion, Cadet Stimpy! As they roam the endless uncharted regions of space at speeds so fantastic they boggle the imagination!

[on bridge]

REN: Prepare to surge to sublight speed.

(Stimpy presses button. Alarms go off, etc. Ren and Stimpy grimace.)

REN: En..gage..

(Spaceship accelerates insanely, and they both scream.)

ANNOUNCER: You'll see futuristic technologies! Thrilling headgear! Spine-tingling toast! Be there! Scour the spaceways! Explore vast ALIEN WORLDS!

[Alien planet. Ren and Stimpy are both in a giant spacesuit.]

REN: Come in, Cadet Stimpy. Do you read me?

STIMPY: (Stands up next to Ren) Cadet Stimpy here. We read you. Roger.

(Roger appears next to them.) Roger here.

ANNOUNCER: OK space cadets! Prepare to hurtle through the cosmos in today's turgid episode...

("Space Madness" title appears)

[Interior of spaceship. Ren and Stimpy are on the bridge.]

REN: Captain's log. Commander HoŽk here, on a thirty-six year mission to the Crab Nebula. We've made this trip dozens of times. (to audience) You know, they say sometimes people go CRAZY on these long trips. They get the, eh...(in unearthly voice) SPACE MADNESS. (normal) Heh. Space madness. Mr Science Officer, commence relaxation period.

STIMPY: Aye aye, Cap'n.

[Ren and Stimpy at table. Mellow lounge music.]

REN: Well it's break time. We're not on duty for another six years.

STIMPY: So...whaddaya wanna do?

REN: Why don't we just spend some quality time together?

(Stimpy nods. They sit and stare at each other. Stimpy starts tapping table. It gradually gets on Ren's nerves.)

REN: (finally breaks) Do you HAVE to keep TAPPING like that? You BLOATED SACK OF PROTOPLASM!

STIMPY: Hey, Cap...ease off.

REN: Oh, hey...I'm sorry, man. I...(loosens collar) I've just been cooped up here so long.

STIMPY: I think we *both* need a good hot meal. Just hang on, OK? (returns with covered dish)

REN: Mmmmm, boy. I'm starting.

STIMPY: (lifts lid. Three tubes of food concentrate) How about that! A three course meal.

REN: That's IT! I need some REAL FOOOOOOOD! (bangs head on table)

STIMPY: (concerned, as Ren starts to cry) Relax, Cap'n. I'm here for you. Let it out. That's right. Hey! I know what you need!

[bathroom]

STIMPY: Yes, sir, a good hot bath is the best thing for nerves.

(Ren hands Stimpy a towel. Stimpy makes rattail, snaps Ren with it.)

REN: Owww! Hey! Cut that out!

(relaxing in bathtub) Ahhhhhh. (looks around guiltily as suspicious bubbles appear in bathwater)

STIMPY: I'll turn off the gravity. It'll help you relax.

REN: What a pal. Ahhh. This is the good life. Just relax...and let my mind drift.

(Ren and water float out of the tub together) Yeahhhh. I'll just relax, and think pleasant thoughts...Chicken pot pie!...Chocolate-covered raisins!...Ehh...Glazed ham!...

(Ren drifts around the room) Heh...heh...heh...they think I'm CRAZY. But I know better. It is not *I* who am crazy. It is not I who am MAD! Didn'tcha hear 'em? Didn'tcha see the CROWDS?

(Ren holds up bar of soap)Oh my beloved ice cream bar...how I love to lick your creamy center! HOOOWWWWWW...(bites soap)...and your oh-so-nutty chocolate covering! You're not like the others...you like the same things I do! Waxed paper...boiled football leather...dog breath...We're not hitchhiking anymore! We're RIDING!

STIMPY: Stop it! You're talking crazy!

REN: (suddenly paranoid) Oh no, I know what YOU want. You coveteth my ICECREAM BAR!

STIMPY: C'mon now...

REN: No you don't! You can't take it from me now. I've had this ice-cream bar since I was a CHILD! People...always trying to take it from me! Why won't they LEAVE ME ALOOOOOONNNNE?

STIMPY: E...easy, now.

REN: Back off, man! (grabs toothbrush) Don't make me use this! One stop closer, I'm WARNING ya! Don't make me use it! (Stimpy steps closer) NOW you've done it. YOU FORCED ME TO USE IT!

(horrible sounds as Ren brushes his teeth. They struggle. Ren loses)

REN: Eeee...eh...I'm hurting. (collapses)

STIMPY: You poor crazy kid!

[Bridge. Ren dictates into log.

REN: Captain's log. I'm tired. So tired. I can't believe my own partner attacked me. Maybe...if I occupy his MIND with more DUTIES, I can control his...(unearthly voice) SPACE MADNESS.

[Button room] REN: Now, listen, Cadet. I've got a JOB for you. See this button? (Stimpy reaches for the button) DON'T TOUCH IT! It's the HISTORY ERASER button, you FOOL!

STIMPY: So what'll happen?

REN: That's just IT! We don't KNOW! Maayyybeee something bad?...Mayyybeee something good! I guess we'll never know! 'Cause you're going to guard it! You won't TOUCH it, will you?

(Stimpy salutes. Ren leaves.)

REN: Hehhh...hehhhh...hehhhh...hehhhh...

(Stimpy marches back and forth, starting at the button.)

ANNOUNCER: Oh, how long can trusty Cadet Stimpy hold out? How can he possibly resist the diabolical urge to push the button that could erase his very existence? Will his tortured mind give in to its uncontrollable desires?

(Announcer grabs Stimpy, forces him closer to the button.) Can he resist the temptation to push the button that, even now, beckons him even closer? Will he succumb to the maddening urge to eradicate history? At the MERE...PUSH...of a SINGLE...BUTTON! The beeyootiful SHINY button! The jolly CANDY-LIKE button! Will he hold out, folks? CAN he hold out?

STIMPY: NO I CAN'T!!!EEEEEYAAAHHHH! (pushes button)

(Alarms go off. Ren, Stimpy, and Announcer stand around table with button.)

ANNOUNCER: Tune in next week, as...

(Flash, explosion as they all disappear.)

We see the Ren and Stimpy logo, Ren and Stimpy also flash and disappear.

SAmikeyp
08-29-2004, 02:57 AM
Can't go wrong with a Ren and Stimpy reset. :fro

Taz1
08-29-2004, 11:35 AM
anybody know where one can acquire the complete collection of the ren & stimpy series ?

i miss those episodes of ren & stimpy !

"stimpeeeee ... youuuu eeeediot !"

tsb2000
08-29-2004, 01:07 PM
I have this one on tape!

Best cartoon ever! :)

Pooh
08-29-2004, 06:48 PM
If it wasn't for that series, I don't think you would've had Beavis and Butthead or South Park for that matter.

Ren and Stimpy would probably still be on the air if it wasn't for the creator of the show, John K being subsequently forced out by MTV/Nickelodeon brass during the second season.

But I agree, Space Madness is a classic. I'd put it right along side Duck Dodgers in the 24 1/2 Century cartoon.