Friendship Question

[angel_luv]

Do you think people are capable of being close friends with others with whom they fundamentally disagree on a major issue of life and/or whose views on a matter are on the opposite end of the spectrum?

Do birds of a feather always only flock together?

Or can people who fundamentally disagree on ____( <- fill in the number of issues) and still be friends so long as they agree on everything else?

I am just curious what all of you think.

[IronMexican]

I used to go out with a jesus freak.

[thispego]

angel lov you are hours upon hours of endless entertainment. i thank you for being so clueless.

[MannyIsGod]

Yes

[redzero]

No. It's best to ignore people of a different background than you.

[mrsmaalox]

People can be friends with anyone with whom they have no common beliefs (I mean political/religious beliefs) or interests, as long as there is mutual respect. Personal moral values complicate things a bit more, and sometimes there is no way around that (who wants to be friends with an unremorseful, admitted child rapist?). But I embrace the differences in my friends, it's very educational and interesting and I think it would be very boring to surround myself with cookie cutter copies of myself. It's all about the respect.

[JudynTX]

I accept people for who they are and what their beliefs are. Of course they are different than mine. It would be pretty boring if these people weren't in my life.

[Jekka]

I have several close friends that are way way more conservative than me (mostly from the days when I still went to church ... oh so long ago). Granted, we don't often discuss politics, which is good.

[JoeChalupa]

Yes. Happens all the time.

[sonic21]

Respect each others' views. When you don't let your egos or insecurities get in the way, you can respect those views.

[Bukefal]

Just try to avoid talking about those issues when together and it's fine. Except for maybe huge issues.

[JudynTX]

AL,

Do you have lots of single girlfriends? Are you still close to them?

[IronMexican]

No. It's best to ignore people of a different background than you.

hahah

[baseline bum]

Of course. I don't see how anyone could agree with his friends on every major issue out there.

[Dr. Gonzo]

Not only is it not possible, it isn't right.

[Blake]

I would think it's possible, but I would never be able to be close friends with someone that thinks that alcohol is the devil.

[easjer]

It depends on how willing people are to be tolerant and respectful.

To use an example, if you think that all people who like, say, the color green are completely wrong and this makes them bad or unworthy people, then it is unlikely you will be able to be friends with someone who likes green. You will either try to convert them to liking red, or you will be forever making up reasons why your friend really doesn't like green or why they aren't the same as people who like green.

But if you can respect that while you like red and that your beliefs that say people are green are only your beliefs, then it can work. Obviously we all draw on our own lines on much difference we are willing to tolerate. Few of us are ok with being friends with pedophiles, or mass murderers, for instance.

[tlongII]

Of course. It's part of the path to enlightenment.

[phxspurfan]

Typically I only like being friends with other democrat but fiscal conservative 1/2 Filipino, 1/4 German 1/4 Salvadorians who aren't necessarily Christians but believe in God. And if they don't drive Acura then all bets are definitely off.

[The Gemini Method]

I generally have a rule that if you're going to be my friend--you've got to be of the same race, creed, and financial background. Because let's face it...you don't want to be hanging around with losers outside of your own kind, right?

No, seriously...

I consider myself pretty much far on the proverbial "left" and I do consider a number of more "conservative" people my friends. I have a great mixture of friends who are of varying religious backgrounds and they're all great to be around with. If you're not capable of having a decent discussion about anything, then it really isn't necessary to bring that shit up.

[Strike]

Do you think people are capable of being close friends with others with whom they fundamentally disagree on a major issue of life and/or whose views on a matter are on the opposite end of the spectrum?

Do birds of a feather always only flock together?

Or can people who fundamentally disagree on ____( <- fill in the number of issues) and still be friends so long as they agree on everything else?

I am just curious what all of you think.

Don't worry. Jeebus won't condemn you to eternal damnation for being friends with an atheist. Just don't try to play the conversion game. I'm sure you know that atheists take that as a threat and will immediately consume you mind, body and soul.

[FromWayDowntown]

Life would be pretty boring if everyone around you agreed with you on everything.

[The Gemini Method]

I agree.

[ploto]

Two people do not have to believe in the same things to be friends- they only have to believe in each other.

[JamStone]

In general, sure. Why not? Differences in people, no matter if it's sex, race, religion, color, sexual orientation, politics, other beliefs, height, weight, language, what have you, is what makes people interesting. I agree with people who have said life would be boring if everyone were the same and everyone agreed on things.

The one major exception is when those differences involve hateful, violent, and/or criminal action. For example, I cannot imagine myself being friends with a real racist (no matter what his/her actual race is). I also can't imagine being friends with someone who thinks it's cool and ok to look at child pornography. And I can't imagine being friends with hardcore drug addicts who let that addiction take over their lives. Things like that. If that's what the difference in something major life issues, then I would say no.

But if it's just a matter of political or religious differences, a stand on the war, national health issues, stuff like that... not a problem at all.

[balli]

Depends on whether it's a simple, rational disagreement, or whether one of the persons is certifiably insane.

In case you don't know, you're the crazy one.

[IronMaxipad]

One of my bestfriends is a Jesus freak and believes in creationism :lol:lol:lol

ROOOFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLL :lmao :rollin

They way we deal with it is we just don't talk about religion. :toast

[balli]

One of my bestfriends is a Jesus freak and believes in creationism :lol:lol:lolt
That isn't all that uncommon. Being a younger version of Carrie White's mother, is.

[Spurminator]

Sure, unless they're a Laker fan.

[Dinamita]

I have a friend that looks like this (see pic) and he loves Radiohead. Our Last.fm profile says that we are not compatible. Long story short, in spite of our differences we are now currently engaged. :married:

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b254/toorude88/MV5BMTQyODAyMDg4NV5BMl5BanBnXkFt-1.jpg

[TwAnKiEs]

I thought this was a friends with benefits thread...












Yes BTW

[mookie2001]

yeah

i have friends who like the movie the life aquatic, trust me

[angel_luv]

AL,

Do you have lots of single girlfriends? Are you still close to them?

This is really more what I was referring to. I still really care about my single girlfriends and vice versa. But I almost feel like we are living in different worlds now. I feel like I am not as relevent to them now since my two closest friends are career women and very successful at it.
So my writer friend is busy with an impressive internship. My best friend works for an accounting firm. And my greatest joy yesterday was finding this amazing slip cover that transformed our comfty but ugly couch into something beautiful that coordinates wonderfully with the rest of our furniture.

So imagine this conversation.

Writer friend: I just finished interviewing Tommy Lee Jones.

Accountant Friend: I just completed this complicated tax return for a major client.

Me: I just found a slipcover!

My friends are great and so would actually care about the fact that I fixed my couch. So it is not that I feel inferior but rather I am sensible about how very different our worlds and focuses are now.

So in that sense, I was pondering... since I am going to be primarily a homemaker... will I ever be close friends with a career woman? Or will I always feel most comfortable around fellow stay-at-home wives/ moms. Would a career woman enjoy a friendship with me. Will there come a point in my life where I will be so far removed from the workplace that I can not longer relate to life there? And if so, how do I feel about that?
Will there come a point when my current friends feel I am no longer relevent to them?

I don't expect these questions to be answered quickly or maybe ever in an internet thread.
But, since this has been on my mind, I just wanted some more food for thought.

[DisgruntledLionFan#54,927]

Ain't exactly great friends if what you do for work, or don't do, is the tie that binds the friendship.

Honestly, I don't give a rat's ass what my friends do at work or even if they have a job. Talking about work for more than 30 seconds is an instant convo killer and a good way for me not to talk to you anymore.

Nobody cares.

[101A]

Do you think people are capable of being close friends with others with whom they fundamentally disagree on a major issue of life and/or whose views on a matter are on the opposite end of the spectrum?

Do birds of a feather always only flock together?

Or can people who fundamentally disagree on ____( <- fill in the number of issues) and still be friends so long as they agree on everything else?

I am just curious what all of you think.

I have good friends who disagree with me on the most basic of issues, including religion and politics - the answer is "Yes".

[101A]

This is really more what I was referring to. I still really care about my single girlfriends and vice versa. But I almost feel like we are living in different worlds now. I feel like I am not as relevent to them now since my two closest friends are career women and very successful at it.
So my writer friend is busy with an impressive internship. My best friend works for an accounting firm. And my greatest joy yesterday was finding this amazing slip cover that transformed our comfty but ugly couch into something beautiful that coordinates wonderfully with the rest of our furniture.

So imagine this conversation.

Writer friend: I just finished interviewing Tommy Lee Jones.

Accountant Friend: I just completed this complicated tax return for a major client.

Me: I just found a slipcover!

My friends are great and so would actually care about the fact that I fixed my couch. So it is not that I feel inferior but rather I am sensible about how very different our worlds and focuses are now.

So in that sense, I was pondering... since I am going to be primarily a homemaker... will I ever be close friends with a career woman? Or will I always feel most comfortable around fellow stay-at-home wives/ moms. Would a career woman enjoy a friendship with me. Will there come a point in my life where I will be so far removed from the workplace that I can not longer relate to life there? And if so, how do I feel about that?
Will there come a point when my current friends feel I am no longer relevent to them?

I don't expect these questions to be answered quickly or maybe ever in an internet thread.
But, since this has been on my mind, I just wanted some more food for thought.

My wife is a professor of Biochemistry. Although she would love to have friends who are homemakers - they generally shy away from her; not vice-versa. They DO seem to have some kind of complex/guilt/whatever - they find reason NOT to hang with her - even though they may actually share interests; sewing/crafts/etc....they are, IMO, intimidated.

Be careful, Angel, you might be the ones erecting walls.

[JudynTX]

This is really more what I was referring to. I still really care about my single girlfriends and vice versa. But I almost feel like we are living in different worlds now.

After I got married, my friendships with my single girlfriends did change. I kept asking myself, "is it me"? who has changed, only to find out it was. I didn't have that extra time to spend with them so they felt neglected. Some friendships you can continue to have, some aren't fixable. You will soon find yourself hanging out with more married couples. :)

Don't get me wrong, I love my single girlfriends and I will always be there for them, we just don't hang out that often. Luckily for me, I work with my bestest closest friend. :D

[bigzak25]

i think you have too much free time on your hands angel. you need to just live your life as you deem best and let the chips fall where they may and not worry so much, and not try to pinpoint everything and figure it all out. just put your faith in a higher power. your true friends will always be your true friends, no matter what.

[mrsmaalox]

Angel, relax, you are just going thru an adjustment period :) You've been marrried for only a few months, it's normal that right now your marriage and home is the focus of your life. Give yourself some time, you and Bo deserve this time to be just you 2 to solidify your relationship. It's only natural to lose a little touch with your single girlfriends, you are in a different place right now and you have different priorities. Just give yourself some time.

As far as the professional-career-woman to stay-at-home mom friendships, they are very common. I've been both, and they are both equally challenging and fulfilling. I have to wonder if maybe 101A may be looking at only one side of the situation in his belief that the homemakers shy away from his wife and feel guilty or inimidated around her. My personal experience has been that, in whichever role I've been in, if I reach out to someone with warmth and sincerity, they will respond, in spite of whatever role they have taken at that time. Once more, mutual respect is what will determine the outcome of the friendship. ;)

[easjer]

The people you care about and have relationships built primarily on care of the person regardless of anything will last. The people that you have relationships built primarily on common interests will dwindle.

Most of my friends have children. While several of my friends have had miscarriages, no one has had the death of a child as we have. After we lost Gabriel, I grew closer to half my friends and the other half are no longer my friends. It was pretty easy to see why - I had solid relationships built on things other than pregnancy and motherhood with the former and didn't really with the latter. When my life was so drastically changed, the common ground between us crumbled and so did our relationships.

If you want to, you'll be able to find ways to make new friends based on commonalities. Some of those may develop into something more. If you make an effort, some of the friendships you currently have may survive the adjustment period or be renewed when there is more in common.