GSH
05-04-2005, 11:08 AM
Merck Pharmaceuticals announced their plans today to purchase the basketball arena in Denver, Colorado. A company spokesperson said that their first act would be to rename the facility to the Pepcid Center. "We believe this is a perfect fit for our company," said the spokesperson, "in light of all the heartburn that the Nuggets have caused basketball fans in the state of Colorado."
Merck sees other potential synergies between their products and the Nuggets' organization. "We produce Propecia, which is the first ever FDA approved pill to treat hair loss. We are very excited about the possibility of having George Karl as a spokesman for that product." In an interview, Karl seemed excited as well. "I may get my team to grow long hair (like Ginobili) so it looks like you get hit," Karl said.
The pharmaceutical company was asked if some of Karl's more unsavory habits might bring the company too much negative publicity. [For instance, in a recent interview, the coach made this statement: "I don't think I've ever walked out of a building at 1:15 in my life unless I drank a case of beer after the game," Karl said. "Then I woke up (Tuesday) morning and the last thing I wanted was to coach basketball on the floor."] "Absolutely not," said the Merk spokesperson, "our migraine medication, Maxalt, and our nausea medication, Emend, could help hangover sufferers everywhere. All we need is someone like Coach Karl to help get the word out."
Karl has also enlisted assistant coach Doug Moe to endorse Merck's prostate treatment, Proscar. "For me, it's been great, which I didn't expect, to tell you the truth," Moe said. "When George had asked me to do it, I was really uncomfortable. I've found out since then that I'm more comfortable sitting on the bench. I'm less nervous." Before taking Proscar, Moe, who has been plagued by urinary problems in recent years, used to stand in the locker room and watch the other members of the team urinating. "I don't know how to explain it, but when you get to be my age, it's more fun watching other people have success," Moe said. "I enjoy the players doing good, George doing good".
The jury is still out over whether pharmaceutical companies can really benefit from buying the naming rights to popular venues. But if Pfizer has anything to say about it, the recently renamed Viagra Falls will once again become the country's most popular honeymoon spot.
Merck sees other potential synergies between their products and the Nuggets' organization. "We produce Propecia, which is the first ever FDA approved pill to treat hair loss. We are very excited about the possibility of having George Karl as a spokesman for that product." In an interview, Karl seemed excited as well. "I may get my team to grow long hair (like Ginobili) so it looks like you get hit," Karl said.
The pharmaceutical company was asked if some of Karl's more unsavory habits might bring the company too much negative publicity. [For instance, in a recent interview, the coach made this statement: "I don't think I've ever walked out of a building at 1:15 in my life unless I drank a case of beer after the game," Karl said. "Then I woke up (Tuesday) morning and the last thing I wanted was to coach basketball on the floor."] "Absolutely not," said the Merk spokesperson, "our migraine medication, Maxalt, and our nausea medication, Emend, could help hangover sufferers everywhere. All we need is someone like Coach Karl to help get the word out."
Karl has also enlisted assistant coach Doug Moe to endorse Merck's prostate treatment, Proscar. "For me, it's been great, which I didn't expect, to tell you the truth," Moe said. "When George had asked me to do it, I was really uncomfortable. I've found out since then that I'm more comfortable sitting on the bench. I'm less nervous." Before taking Proscar, Moe, who has been plagued by urinary problems in recent years, used to stand in the locker room and watch the other members of the team urinating. "I don't know how to explain it, but when you get to be my age, it's more fun watching other people have success," Moe said. "I enjoy the players doing good, George doing good".
The jury is still out over whether pharmaceutical companies can really benefit from buying the naming rights to popular venues. But if Pfizer has anything to say about it, the recently renamed Viagra Falls will once again become the country's most popular honeymoon spot.