Balla stories

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

The Grand Final. To sum it up succinctly, I snapped my opponent's mind. :D

So, we were playing against King & Wank, the fucktards who smacked me around about a month ago and pushed me over the edge, which was entirely my fault, but doesn’t change the fact that they are dirty bitches. I fouled out and we lost by 4. Advantage, them.

Everyone hates these guys, so there was a good crowd on hand as I think all the other teams in the competition also really wanted them to go down. One side of the court was packed with the other teams cheering us on, while the other side had the K&W supporters who booed and occasionally screamed abuse at us... well, mostly at me actually. You see, I am kind of a villain out there, a Rodman type in that I thrive on stopping the other team's front court and laughing it up.

I was playing on a guy my size with skills, the focal point of their offence and a 16ppg scorer, who also unfortunately loves to throw his elbows around and whine like a little girl every time he's touched. Let's call him the Infamous Gaping Vagina, or IGV for short. He and his mate Tubby Bitch (TB for short) beat me up and wore me down in our last encounter, and it was pretty clear that if they got the better of me again we'd be in trouble since we have no-one with the size to match up on IGV, or who dominates TB like I do. Anyway, we knew it was going to be a knock-down, drag-out brawl the whole way, but that if we played with our trademark intensity on D (we play only man, and are the only team in the comp to do so, and when we ramp it up we can be very tough to score on), we'd have a shot to win it. Personally, playing on a bum ankle, my plan was simple – be tougher and smarter than IGV and TB, and niggle them to death.

I swung the plan into action before the tip. Given that TB had almost taken my teeth out in the last game, and IGV had landed about 8 cheap shots, I took an executive decision – no low fives for you bastards. I dapped the rest of their team, but when it came to the cretins I snubbed their shit, and they weren't happy about it, which they proceeded to whine about. Already in their heads, I thought it a fine tactical decision.

The game opened up with a very tense first quarter as both teams struggled to score. IGV shoulder charged me each time down the court, but I just absorbed the contact and used the knee in the back of the thigh trick to keep him a few feet outside where he wanted to be in the post. I picked up an early foul, but IGV scored only 1pt in the quarter, so it felt like a win. We were up 11-10 at quarter time.

I sat the first half of the second quarter and looked on as we built a 21-12 lead then threw it away. By the time IGV and I took the court again it was 21-20, and they were looking for him in the post. By this time he had stopped shoulder charging me, and his drop in intensity was exactly what I was waiting for. He went at me a couple of times and missed both shots as I played solid defense, then on the next trip down the floor, as he was posting up and throwing his usual elbows, I got up in his ear and hissed (with a real edge): "get your fucking elbows down". He responded with, "okay big fella, calm down", and I knew I had him.

The teams traded baskets for most of the 3rd quarter with no clear dominance either way, then IGV and I were on the court again, and early in the 4th, them leading by 4, things got interesting. IGV decided to do his usual – catch in the left block, spin/drop-step right for one dribble, put down shoulder, go straight through. Now at this point I had two fouls and he had one, but I'd worked out that as long as I kept my hands straight up, the experienced badge refs were going to let any bodying go unless it was egregious. So, I anticipated IGV's move and took a charge. Next time down, took another charge. Suddenly, he was on 3 fouls, had about 5 points to his name, and was starting to lose it. That’s when I did something a bit shady, although it wasn’t planned so much as instinctive. IGV and I were running down the court close together, with me on the outside, which is the wrong place to be, so I changed sides on him and accidentally (?) half-tripped him as his foot clipped my knee. Given that this was the same guy who had intentionally ankle tapped one of our guards with his hand last game, I didn’t feel too bad about it – taste of your own medicine and all that. IGV stopped, turned around and shoved me, bleating, "Watch your fuckin feet, you clumsy fuck!" as the double foul was called. 4 fouls on him, a broad smile on my face. Next possession they went to him of course, and of course I took another charge. "You ugly fucker…" was all he could manage. "Go take a seat, pal", was my grinning riposte.

By this time the crowd had swelled to maybe 100 people and was energising the game – to my left the King and Wankers crew booed and called for my head, while to the right the place erupted with shouts of "Nice one Ruffy!" and "Tough stuff Ruff!" I was flying high and my plan had worked to perfection, but we were still down 4 and our best shooter was on 4 fouls and having a horrible night. I took a rest and the game see-sawed as both teams made clutch jump shots.

I came back on with 6 minutes to go, down by two points. I was switched onto TB, who is about 6’2” but uses his massive bulk to bullock his way to the hole. All I had to do with him was keep my feet, hands straight up above my head, because he wasn’t tall enough to shoot over me – I had blocked his shot 3 times during a game earlier in the season. On the first possession they went to Tubby and he tried to go straight through me – yet another charge! He wasn’t at all happy about it and threw the ball at me from about 2m away, then tried to pick a fight. My simple reply was, “Go on, then”. He should have been T-ed up, but instead the refs, who I think did not want to further inflame the situation, gave us the ball on the side and got on with the game. (As an aside, we were fortunate to have experienced referees because most of the season we were reffed by garbage, which meant K&W got away with anything they wanted. Not on this night, though, which confirmed to me that a lot of their success is based on getting away with their bullying, dirty tactics).

The next 5 minutes went by in a blur as K&W seemed more intent on trying to hurt me than win the game. I hit the floor three times – a charge no-call and two rebounding scrums – landing on my right knee twice and bruising it to the point that I was limping with my bad ankle as the good leg! And then there was an incredible possession where we got 3 offensive rebounds, including one from our 16yo, 5’4” guard who skyed over their PF to keep the possession alive for us. Awesome stuff.

A minute to go and we were down 44-40 when one of our forwards stole the ball from their PG and took it all the way for a foul, making one of two – 44-41. They then took an inexplicable shot (I guess they figured we’d get a steal), we were fouled on the rebound, and with 30 seconds to go, Ando, our veteran PG, who had played a smart game all night by hitting open 3s and getting to the line, nailed a 3 off a nice screen. Scores tied!

On the next possession they missed, we secured the rebound and called a time out with 6 seconds to go. The play was simple – get the ball to Ando and let him drive the lane and get to the line. He’d been doing it all night, and that’s exactly what he did with 1.5 seconds to go! Nailed the first, missed the second, clock ran out with us as the victors, 45-44!!!

After the game, TB started screaming vitriol and blue murder, including the classic “I’m not going to slap hands with you, you fucker!” My reply was a very simple “I wasn’t going to slap your hand either, fuckwit” as I sauntered over to our bench. On the way I punctuated the win with a primal scream, then started laughing uncontrollably. I’ve been grinning ever since. :lmao

[Dr. Gonzo]

arse

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

The moral of the story - if you are going to be a bully you'd better have something to back it up with, or else some bastard with a penchant for vengeance and a load of suppressed aggression is going to expose you to the world for the coward you are. I fuckin HATE bullies. :D

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Nobody gives a shit.

Well, fuck off then.

[SpursNextRomanEmpire]

Great story, absolutely fantastic.:violin

[KEDA]

Cliff Notes?

[tlongII]

Did you have a parade?

[IronMaxipad]

http://lolcat.com/pics/tldr.jpg

[tp2021]

Make this a note for your facebook friends. Might be a better venue.

[thispego]

and niggle them to death.


you fuckin racist, dawg?

[mookie2001]

sorted em out and put tha lot of their coloured arses on tha paddock mate

[Eminem]

oh look, the crew is stalking ruffnready again, surprise surprise

[mookie2001]

sorry ruffandready

i really crossed the line dogg

[Eminem]

i'm pretty sure he doesn't care about your apologies, which are about as worthless as the fat beaner from which they are coming from.

[mookie2001]

.

[IronMexican]

And it goes, and it goes
And it goes a little something like this

Hit It!
IronMexican's in the house
Come on
Here we go
Aaron's in the house


Yo guys, check it out
Guess what happened to me
(Another crazy story, come on AC)
I was hanging at the court
Just playing some ball
Working on my game
(Yeah, we heard it all)
I heard the fans screaming
I thought it was for me
But then I saw a shadow
It was 12 foot 3
It was Shaquile O'Neal
(What? What did he say?)
(How 'bout some one-on-one, you wanna play?)
I told him why not, I got some time
But when I beat you real bad
Try not to cry


(Please Aaron, are you for real?)
(One-on-one with Shaquile O'Neal?)
Yeah, 34 Centre from the L.A. Lakers
(You must've been nervous)
I knew I could take him
Scared the Shaq, psyche him out
I said O'Neal, you're in my house now
Start the game the whistle blows
Pay attention close as the story goes...


CHORUS
It's like boom (boom)
I put it in the hoop
Like slam (slam)
I heard the crowd screaming
out jam (jam)
I swear that I'm telling you the facts
Cuz that's how I beat Shaq
X2


So check it out
I thought I had the lead
But then he started scoring more points than me
I was scoring up bricks
(Was he hitting those shots?)
I knew that there was a way that I could make it stop


I had a plan, I could change the pace
I said, Yo Shaq you didn't tie your shoelace
He looked down, I stole the ball
I'm taking him the scoon now watch me all
A 3-pointer, nothing but net
Come on Shaq, had enough yet?
Down by two, I'm catching up
I guess he's getting nervous
Cuz he already lost


CHORUS


Dunk after dunk
Jam after jam
Cheerleaders are cheering
Aaron's the man
X 2

Annoncers were shocked
couldn't believe it was real
(I can't believe a kid just stuffed O'Neal)
One more second, was all that remained
I put the ball up
I put him in shame
I must admit that it sounds real crazy
but the ball went in
Then he cried like a baby
Sorry Shaq, I should've let you win
You're good too
And we can still be friends


The fans went nuts
They put me on their shoulders
Then I heard a voice
And it sounded like my mother's
(Get up for school, you're gonna be late!)
Ma, can't you see that I'm playing the game?
(How could you be playing if you're still in bed?)
(Are you gettin' sick, did you hit your head?)
Aw, man it was all a dream
I guess that kinda thing could never happen to me

If it was a dream and it wasn't real

How'd I get a jersey with the name O'Neal?
Woah...

[thispego]

ruffnready spaghetti spaghetti

[mavs>spurs2]

will the real ladies man please stand upppppppp

[thispego]

:danceclub

[z0sa]

A wild Snorlax appears!

[The Reckoning]

sounds like ozzy was trolled pretty bad by the other team

[IronMexican]

A wild Snorlax appears!

Did you get the gold or silver remakes? I'm really contemplating buying a DS just for that new Gold.

[ShoogarBear]

The team is called the Wanks?

[The Reckoning]

language barrier i guess

[ShoogarBear]

:lol I don't think so. "Wanks" is U.K. slang.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Instead of trolling me, you guys could tell your own balla stories. A revolutionary idea, I know... :lol


you fuckin racist, dawg?

:lol In Australia we use it colloquially to mean "hassle or harass continually".


The team is called the Wanks?

Actually, their real name is "King and Duck" (don't ask why, I don't have a clue), but since they are a bunch of wankers, I changed it for them.


:lol I don't think so. "Wanks" is U.K. slang.

Wank/wanker is also Aussie slang.

[ShoogarBear]

Actually, their real name is "King and Duck" (don't ask why, I don't have a clue),

The King and The Duck? You've never heard of Eddie "The King" Faroo and Duck Johnson? For shame!

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

The King and The Duck? You've never heard of Eddie "The King" Faroo and Duck Johnson? For shame!

Oh shit, White Men Can't Jump reference! That's actually a good name.

Damn - don't point out things like that, I don't want to like these guys at all for anything! :lol

[mavs>spurs2]

Using my context clues, I'm deducing that RuffNStuffedUpTheButtOzStyle is talking about basketball.


They play basketball in Australia?

what do you and uncle tom play in the shed out back down in victoria?

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

So none of you self-proclaimed gangstas have any 'ball stories to tell? That makes you a bunch of blowhards.

[mavs>spurs2]

So none of you self-proclaimed gangstas have any 'ball stories to tell? That makes you a bunch of blowhards.

Hey look here you little Aussie shit, I got plenty of stories to tell, like the time dlas Roosevelt stormed off the court in the middle of a game bc a fight had broke out in the stAnds, and how the rim got broke in pregame warmup when some big ass nigga slammed it, damn that game was crunk, but my stories pale in comparison to your badassedness and make me look like a pussy.

[monosylab1k]

I busted a 3 in Anthony Randolph's face once. My story > yours, imho.

[The Reckoning]

Hey look here you little Aussie shit, I got plenty of stories to tell, like the time dlas Roosevelt stormed off the court in the middle of a game bc a fight had broke out in the stAnds, and how the rim got broke in pregame warmup when some big ass nigga slammed it, damn that game was crunk, but my stories pale in comparison to your badassedness and make me look like a pussy.

i guess you were in the stands?

[mavs>spurs2]

i guess you were in the stands?

Sup mookie crew affiliate. What kind o homosexual hazing do you have to go through before they'll let you in? By the way I can ball

[monosylab1k]

Sup mookie crew affiliate. What kind o homosexual hazing do you have to go through before they'll let you in? By the way I can ball

brah why didn't u ever come out when Findog, DPG, stretch, BUMP, and I were ballin?

[The Reckoning]

lol affiliate.

im on a completely different spectrum than the mookie crew, but nice try :tu

[mavs>spurs2]

brah why didn't u ever come out when Findog, DPG, stretch, BUMP, and I were ballin?

Tbh I have nothing to gain by playing with u guys, no offense. My playing days ended back in 2008 when I couldn't get on with Another college. I'm pretty bitter and pissed with the game of basketball, hence why I troll a basketball board with only the intentions of talking shit.

[dirk4mvp]

brah why didn't u ever come out when Findog, DPG, stretch, BUMP, and I were ballin?

TBH, I told him I was going with him if he paid for my gas, imo.









Also, I read the OP earlier. You have a knack for making things sounds gayer than they have to be. Congrats.

[monosylab1k]

sons, tbh we're gonna start playing again imho. BUMP goes hard, and I do okay but only after I get Tru Warier buzzed into my hair.

[dirk4mvp]

Fly Rogue in, imo.

[mavs>spurs2]

Fly Rogue in, imo.

Rogue has been beasting the Chinese leagues for years tbh, he would crominate u guys IMHO

[dirk4mvp]

TBH I'm not sure if the damn commies will allow him to leave the country so he can hang out with Americans.

[timvpimp]

brah why didn't u ever come out when Findog, DPG, stretch, BUMP, and I were ballin?
because one new joining will probably break the balance between the two sides balling and consequently may turn a rivalry into one boring blowout. You, Findawg and Bump are just barely enough match Stretch and DPG imho, 3 oldies vs. 2 youngsters has been the way how your games worked out i guess.

[timvpimp]

Rogue has been beasting the Chinese leagues for years tbh, he would crominate u guys IMHO
You don't need a pro athlete to beat them IMHO. In fact, I think even a team comprising only primary school kids is well enough to thrash a team consisting of Findawg, DSG, Stretch, Bump, and a world-class retard. That retard makes whichever team he plays for lose the game with his sluggish performances, no matter what opponents his team takes on.

[Cry Havoc]

Cool story, Ruff.

Had a pretty fun experience today at my gym playing 33 with three other guys. Two of them were massive, one was 5'8" but I'm guessing he benches somewhere around 280-300 and the other was a very solid 6'3" who was also extremely strong. The 5'8" guy had really good fakes and a sweet hesitation dribble (to either side of the hoop, no less), but he didn't have any reach advantage on me, so I stayed on my toes on defense and could contest most of his jumpers. The taller guy was harder to stick, and had a big strength advantage on me, but I stuffed a couple of his shots as he was rising, before he got the ball above his shoulders. They had a lot of problems guarding me, as I am extremely quick and have a decent array of step back/fadeaway shots and a very consistent baby hook that I can hit anywhere close out to almost the free throw line, which allows me to set up for some easy up and under fakes for layups.

They talked the whole game about how they were taking over, and I just kept hitting shots and driving on them. Got to 32, missed a trey, went down to 25, drove past them for an easy layup, missed a three, and then promptly hit 4 shots in a row to win it. They were... displeased, but good sports about it. I gotta say, my favorite thing in basketball is being underestimated because I'm a short white guy, and then getting a good read on a taller guy about to shoot a jumper and just swatting it out of the air. Best feeling in the world when the other guys react to that. :tu

On the downside, I think my Hyperdunks started bottoming out today. I've owned them for about a year now. Blast.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Cool story, Ruff.

Had a pretty fun experience today at my gym playing 33 with three other guys. Two of them were massive, one was 5'8" but I'm guessing he benches somewhere around 280-300 and the other was a very solid 6'3" who was also extremely strong. The 5'8" guy had really good fakes and a sweet hesitation dribble (to either side of the hoop, no less), but he didn't have any reach advantage on me, so I stayed on my toes on defense and could contest most of his jumpers. The taller guy was harder to stick, and had a big strength advantage on me, but I stuffed a couple of his shots as he was rising, before he got the ball above his shoulders. They had a lot of problems guarding me, as I am extremely quick and have a decent array of step back/fadeaway shots and a very consistent baby hook that I can hit anywhere close out to almost the free throw line, which allows me to set up for some easy up and under fakes for layups.

They talked the whole game about how they were taking over, and I just kept hitting shots and driving on them. Got to 32, missed a trey, went down to 25, drove past them for an easy layup, missed a three, and then promptly hit 4 shots in a row to win it. They were... displeased, but good sports about it. I gotta say, my favorite thing in basketball is being underestimated because I'm a short white guy, and then getting a good read on a taller guy about to shoot a jumper and just swatting it out of the air. Best feeling in the world when the other guys react to that. :tu

On the downside, I think my Hyperdunks started bottoming out today. I've owned them for about a year now. Blast.

Thanks, mate.

That's more what I was hoping to see in here, stories like yours. Small white man WINS on basketball court! Excellent! :lol

I play in lame-arsed squash goggles (I'm blind as a bat), and often a headband, and I usually look like the geekiest guy on the court. That leads to people underestimating me, and when they haven't scored a half hour later they usually realise their mistake. ;)

[mavs>spurs2]

rogue play me 1v1

[mavs>spurs2]

aussie boy, i'd make your goofy unathletic ass my bitch

[dickface]

I play in lame-arsed squash goggles

balla status revoked, imho. if you ever actually had it.

[TDMVPDPOY]

wheres the notes man, i aint readin all of that

[to21]

Cool story, mate! :tu

[Cry Havoc]

Hey everyone, look at how cool the Mookie crowd is. Man, they're sensational. Those cyncial response to half the threads in the club... they're just way too clever for me. I wish I could come up with such inventive, cool posts as they do.

[mookie2001]

was that sarcasm?

there are about 4 trolls that post only that, pretty original

[mookie2001]

we're so cool!

/troll


ROFL
its sarcasm!

[Cry Havoc]

Congrats, Mook. You picked up on the sarcasm. Way to be.

[thispego]

Hey everyone, look at how cool the Mookie crowd is. Man, they're sensational. Those cyncial response to half the threads in the club... they're just way too clever for me. I wish I could come up with such inventive, cool posts as they do.

Thanks!

[mookie2001]

most original online scarffs

1. fag
2. you think youre cool, but youre NOT!
3. you live in your moms basement
4. you play dungeons and dragons
5. internet tough guy

[Cry Havoc]

most original online scarffs

1. fag
2. you think youre cool, but youre NOT!
3. you live in your moms basement
4. you play dungeons and dragons
5. internet tough guy

6. Cynical "I'm too cool for school" guy.

Good list though. It's nice that you notice that I'm employing an unoriginal retort to your unoriginal posts. :tu Way to pick up on it.

[tlongII]

LOL global warming.

[Dr. Gonzo]

arse

balla stories

Silverchair

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

balla status revoked, imho. if you ever actually had it.

How else am I meant to see? There is a big, unexploited market for glasses tough enough to play sport in that don't make you look ridiculous.




As for the rest of this thread, well done all. I won't bother to post any more threads. What is the point when all you get for replies are cretinous trolling?

[EmptyMan]

Amare was smart going with the M-Frames.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Amare was smart going with the M-Frames.

I've actually emailed the Suns to try and find out where he got them from. No reply as of yet. M-frames, you say? Tell me more.

Edit - just looked them up. Oakley prescription glasses, eh? Probably cost me a grand, but it might be worth it (the things i play in have no peripheral vision which makes the game harder).

[mavs>spurs2]

ruff i'd pin your shit, take it coast to coast and deliver a mushroom stamp on your forehead at the other end

[Cry Havoc]

I've actually emailed the Suns to try and find out where he got them from. No reply as of yet. M-frames, you say? Tell me more.

Edit - just looked them up. Oakley prescription glasses, eh? Probably cost me a grand, but it might be worth it (the things i play in have no peripheral vision which makes the game harder).

Actually I checked on those when I got new frames, I think they were around $400 at Lenscrafters.

[mavs>spurs2]

lol getting chode bloaded by 4cc

[xellos88330]

My balla story occured when I was on my squadrons basketball team in the military. Nothing big, just a bunch of us guys put together an intramural league.

First of all I am only 5'6" and am a mutt. The fine product of Mexican and Korean genes. Therefore I fell into a stereotype that I couldn't play ball at all. This event took place 9 years ago.

I was a benchwarmer only used to shag and bag the balls after our practice. Only one member of our team knew that I could actually play since I would play pickup games all the time at the base gym sometimes for 12 hours straight or so. I was lucky to participate in the warmup layup drills with the team. Our team started out 0-3 on the 22 game season. It wasn't until then that I started asking to play. Finally my friend (who was also the best player on our team) convinced to coach to let me play in the 4th game of the season.

This is when I broke out of the stereotype mold. I immediately recognized that I was being mocked by the other team (who none were shorter than 6'2") because they started laughing and talking about an easy win with me at the point. Sure enough predictably their first play was to put me on the block. Of course they scored on me easily enough. I switched up my defense to front the post and for my size I had surprising hops (they didn't know, but I could easily grab the rim, but cant dunk due to small hands). Two quick steals later, they abandoned the post game. I was a nightmare on the defensive end. I was very very fast, and was the annoying basketball archetype 'marathon man'. I finished the game with 14 steals. Just wait it gets better!

On the offensive side of the ball, they would sag off of me daring me to shoot. Even their coach was telling them to let me shoot. Big mistake. I was at my peak around 65% from high school 3 from the corner, and around 40% everywhere else. But those stats didnt matter on this night. I drained my first 3 three pointers from the corner before they decided to try to play some defense on me. I continued to play to the whole stereotypical mindset of my defender and knew my next shot he would try to swat out of the gym. A little pump fake a dribble and 2 steps later I had my first layup of the game. That is when I feel I went into the 'zone'. Next posession I gave a short jab step which he completely fell for and drained another 3 from the top of the key. At this point the crowd was getting pretty excited. Next I decided to run my man of off 3 screens and passed up an open jumper for an oop to my cutting friend for a 1 hand slam. My team started getting really confident in my ability to play and started giving me to ball to run the show instead of my friend. I was driving right by my defender with no problem wreaking some serious havoc in the paint area when they decided to try to trap me. Being small has its advantages and could split pretty easily and dish off to our big men with ease when the help defense shows. If not, I would just raise up and drain a leaning jumper. It was by far the best game I had every played. I finished the game with a crazy stat line... 43 pts, 12 assists, and 14 steals. I hit 9 threes but missed all my free throws. I don't know how the hell that happens but I suck at free throws but can hit the long ball. It defies everything.

Anyways that was my moment in the sun. They dubbed me AI 'Asian Iverson' after that game and I went on to average 21 points 8 assists and 5 steals a game. Unfortunately we didn't win the championship. I guess that AI nickname was a jinx.

[dickface]

How else am I meant to see? There is a big, unexploited market for glasses tough enough to play sport in that don't make you look ridiculous.

Or you could just get contacts. :pop:

[Sisk]

LOL global warming.

:stirpot:

[JamStone]

I got a couple short balla stories...

I went to Michigan in the mid 1990s for college. I didn't play basketball in high school and wasn't all that great when I first got to college. But, I loved playing basketball and I wasn't bad by any means. So in college, I ended up becoming a gym rat, literally playing every day for a couple hours, just running pick-up. By the time I was a senior, I think I got pretty good.

So anyway, I was running pick up one summer and it wasn't all that great of competition. I think it was still early in the day. So in walk Charles Woodson and David Bowens. Normally, they probably wouldn't have played on the court I was playing on because the football players and the basketball players would all usually just take over a court and you'd have to be really known or black to get to run with them lol. But like I said, it was a slow day and early, so they just called next and ran with the "normal" pick up guys. Anyway, so I'm on a semi-fast break and Woodson is defending me, I give him an in-and-out dribble and completely froze him, drive baseline... and I'm thinking I'm the shit because I just froze a phenomenal athlete. Nevermind that Woodson and Bowens were playing half-ass and not even trying. I didn't care. I was pretty hyped. So I'm clear to make the baseline lay-up but was coming in an angle where I couldn't really use the glass. So, I go up...

... and airball the lay-up by about 2 feet too hard. I break Charles Woodson's ankles only to airball a lay-up. Cool story, bro.


Second story was also from Michigan pick-up ball. It was the summertime and it was after my sophomore year. Gym was pretty empty at the time because it was the second term in summer and it was pretty empty on campus. Anyway, one of the regulars was this kid Jake who played junior college and I became cool with him. With the few people that came in, we'd run them off the court pretty easily. Anyway, in comes Maurice Taylor with a couple of his friends. I'm a little excited because I liked his game and was hyped to get to ball with him. Anyway, turns out he was a major, major dickface (no offense, mono). So my friend Jake was about 6-4, 215 soaking wet. Remember Mo was like 6-9, 250 at least. Granted Jake played JuCo but he was still tiny compared to Mo. We were garbage pick-up players. Anyway, Mo Taylor and his friends start talking shit... TO US. There are like 15 people in the entire gym and Mo Taylor is talking shit. A division I college basketball player. He's throwing elbows and flexing after baskets. Ridiculous. Anyway, I'm no punk on the court. So I don't give a shit who you are or how big you are. So Mo Taylor goes up for a dunk and I get in the way to foul him hard. BTW, I'm 5-10 and back then probably around 170. Great idea... or not. I ended up fouling his elbow with my face and he dunks it. Turns out one of the guys with him was his father, and he was talking more shit than anyone, trying to pick a fight with my friend Jake. Probably smartly, we just shut up and took the shit talk after we lost.

[The Reckoning]

Or you could just get contacts. :pop:

you do realize how bad contacts are for the environment in the manufacturing and disposal process right?

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

8th grade at Krueger Middle School I played ten minutes over the course of the entire season but my per 48's were off the fucking charts. 4 blocks, 3 rebounds, 2 charges. Do the math on that shit.

[Mixability]

?

[Greg Oden]

Fuck Charles Woodson with a giant floppy dildo. Undeserving Heisman, imho.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Nah, fuck contacts, I've always been a glasses wearer and always shall be. And yeah, anything disposable pretty much contradicts my way of life.

Thanks xellos and Jamstone, nice stories. 14 steals, holy shit! And Mo Taylor being an arsehole... somehow that's not surprising. What's he doing now? Playing in Kazakstan? (Actually, just looked it up, and he played in Italy in 2009, but it looks like he's done. never really made it as an NBA player - sorta Drew gooden but without the persistence. :lmao )

[mavs>spurs2]

Nah, fuck contacts, I've always been a glasses wearer and always shall be. And yeah, anything disposable pretty much contradicts my way of life.

Thanks xellos and Jamstone, nice stories. 14 steals, holy shit! And Mo Taylor being an arsehole... somehow that's not surprising. What's he doing now? Playing in Kazakstan? (Actually, just looked it up, and he played in Italy in 2009, but it looks like he's done. never really made it as an NBA player - sorta Drew gooden but without the persistence. :lmao )

but better than you though

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

but better than you though

Oh really? Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. I don't pretend to be a great balla - I know my level and love the game is all.

Why don't you run along and continue your circle jerk with the other idiots like a good little troll? :lmao

[mavs>spurs2]

hilarious

gee i wonder why the mookie crew fucks with such a cool dude :lmao

[Dr. Gonzo]

Why do you keep saying balla? Is that your attempt at sounding "street"?

arse

mate

Crocodile Dundee

[xellos88330]

Nah, fuck contacts, I've always been a glasses wearer and always shall be. And yeah, anything disposable pretty much contradicts my way of life.

Thanks xellos and Jamstone, nice stories. 14 steals, holy shit! And Mo Taylor being an arsehole... somehow that's not surprising. What's he doing now? Playing in Kazakstan? (Actually, just looked it up, and he played in Italy in 2009, but it looks like he's done. never really made it as an NBA player - sorta Drew gooden but without the persistence. :lmao )

Yep 14 steals. I was always in the passing lanes and denying my assignment the ball like a mother fucker. He was pretty much denied the ball the rest of the game. I don't know why they kept trying to feed it to him when the entry passers were complete shit. I also got a few steals from the big men. They were so damn tall that when they would make the move I was basically an invisible double team that they couldn't see.

[The Reckoning]

put another shrimp on the barbie

[The Reckoning]

or something like that...

[Ed Lover]

Back in 91' I had just bought this fatass, brand new herringbone and decided me an Dre would hit up the club so I could floss it. We get there, hit up the VIP room and start drinking Dom and Courvoisier right off the bat son. But we had a problem son...No Bitches! So I told the VIP room attendant to bring some back to the VIP, and gave him my new chain to carry around like some kind of bitch beacon, you know, to lead em to the promised land. So this nigga is gone about 15 minutes, and then comes back with some of Brooklyns finest, and I ain't talkin bout cops son, know what I'm sayin? This muthafucka had 3 of the finest bitches with him that I ever seen son! So I grabbed my chain back and added it to the 3 others already around my neck, and proceeded to pour up some drinks for these hos. I had ordered a bottle of Andre' just for them son, cuz they ain't gonna drink my fuckin Dom son...C'mon Son! So, just as I'm about to pour the last bitch a drink, this nigga sticks his head in and says, " Laqueesha! Get yo ass back out here with me!" I couldn't believe this shit son, doesn't this nigga know I'm the Ed Lover? I said, "Nigga, get your broke ass up outta my VIP lounge before I break a bottle over your head". Shit son. This fool started to come into the room so I grabbed the bottle of Andre' and broke that shit clean over his wack-ass Kid n' Play haircutted head. Nigga fell to the ground like a sack of potatos. Dre got up and kicked him in the head a few more times with his fat foot to make sure he didn't move. While that nigga bled, we grabbed the bitches, 2 more bottles of Dom, the Courvoisier, and made for the Limo quick-like son. That night was off the meat-hook son!