Advice to Young Husbands: What to Say

[WESTACKED]

http://renaissanceguy.wordpress.com/2009/01/28/advice-to-young-husbands-what-to-say/


I’m not the smartest man in the world, but I’ve learned a few things about having a happy marriage in my 45 years. My wife and I are closer and happier now than we have ever been, and it’s partly because I learned to say these things. I learned them from other happily married men, and I learned them by trial and error over the last 16 1/2 years.

It is important to be sincere when you say these things. Our wives are certainly not stupid and can easily detect insincerity. However, I have found that I might not start completely sincere but I end up sincere if I say these things intentionally. They are as much a reminder to myself as a boost to my wife. The ultimate rule is this: if you keep your wife happy, and I mean truly happy, you will be happy. I know what I am talking about.

1. I love you.

For some men these are the hardest words to say, yet wives appreciate them so much. It’s not enough just to say them, but women do like to hear them. It’s funny that many men can say them when they are dating but not after they are married. It’s also funny that men feel that they are not “tough” if they say such words, but how tough can a man be if he’s too bashful to make such an important declaration to his partner in life?

2. Yes, Dear.

The Dear part is optional, but the Yes part isn’t. This phrase is great to use when your wife asks you to do something. It should be followed with action–that is, you should agree to do what she asks and then actually do it. It is also great to use whenever your wife asserts something, even if you do not completely agree with her. Unless it’s important, there’s no need to disagree with her. It is also great to use whenever your wife asks you a question that requires an affirmative response. It’s much better than a grunt or silence or any sarcastic answer that might flit through your masculine brain.

3. You’re right, Sweetheart.

This phrase is similar to the preceding one but is specfically good to say whenever your wife expresses an opinion, including opinions about you. Unless it’s really, really important, there is no need to tell your wife that she is wrong, even if you think she might be. Believe me, she is very likely to be right, as I know from experience. An added bonus awaits you if you precede or follow this phrase with. . .

4. I was wrong.

It’s just a plain fact that you are often wrong. It’s part of being human. You’ve got to be able to say so. Although none of us likes to admit it we often realize when we are wrong, and I can assure you that our wives realize it, too. You cannot get away with excuses or rationalizing or sweeping it under the rug. The only remedy is to just admit it. And then of course you should say. . .

5. I’m sorry.

This simple phrase is harder for some men to say than even #1. Yet, it holds more power than any of the others to keep your relationship strong. If you know that you said or did something wrong, the sooner you apologize the sooner it can be forgiven and the sooner your relationship with your wife will be restored. A true apology though should be sincere and should be accompanied by a change in attitude or behavior or both.

6. You are beautiful to me.

My wife doesn’t have a lot of confidence in her beauty, but she really is beautiful to me. I sometimes say that she is beautiful and she scoffs at it. So then I say, “You are beautiful to me. I love your hair and your eyes and. . . .” It’s true that my wife’s beauty goes deeper than the physical, but because I love and admire her, I also feel attracted to her physically. Sometimes when we are intimate I just gaze at her and sigh, as though I’m looking at a work of art.

7. Thank you.

I still thank my wife for being willing to marry me and for sticking with me. I thank her for being a good mother. I thank her for the hundreds of little things that she does for me. I thank her for listening and understanding and supporting and accepting me. I thank her for you-know-what every single time. (She always thanks me back. Isn’t that fantastic?) Everyone likes to be thanked. It makes us feel noticed and appreciated.

——————————————————-

There are quite a few other things that you will probably think of. After all, we know the right things to say, don’t we? It’s just that we forget. We take our wives for granted or we become self-centered. It’s important to guard against those lapses, though.

Your wife will give you so much, in the emotional and the physical arenas, if you give to her first. Be warned: you cannot say these and other thoughtful things in order to get something back. You must say them without expectation of reward, and then you will almost certainly get more than you would have expected anyway.

[ChuckD]

So, be whipped?

[Bender]

#2 and #3 sound like from Leave It To Beaver era... or Brady Bunch at the latest.

nothing wrong with the rest.

[Viva Las Espuelas]

why not just treat them with respect. how you'd want to be treated, maybe. it's all give and take with me. not married by the way, but it's pretty much common sense.

[Soul_Patch]

My wife doesn’t have a lot of confidence in her beauty, but she really is beautiful to me. I sometimes say that she is beautiful and she scoffs at it. So then I say, “You are beautiful to me. I love your hair and your eyes and. . . .” It’s true that my wife’s beauty goes deeper than the physical, but because I love and admire her, I also feel attracted to her physically. Sometimes when we are intimate I just gaze at her and sigh, as though I’m looking at a work of art.


:lol

[Trainwreck2100]

why not just treat them with respect. how you'd want to be treated, maybe. it's all give and take with me. not married by the way, but it's pretty much common sense.

or treat them like they treat you

[Spursfan092120]

As a young guy going through a divorce, I agree totally with the article...both of us gave up in our marriage...I stopped acting in love and so did she, and we faded apart. Wanna save a marriage? Treat her like you would want someone to treat you, and tell her how you feel as often as you would when you first felt that way.

[mrsmaalox]

:lol

What? You don't believe in the gazing and sighing? :lol

Rather old fashioned wording to those but they are all valid. But....marriage is a 2-way street and no amount of "yes dears" or "I'm sorrys" is gonna make it successful unless your partner is willing to make the same effort.

[Stringer_Bell]

What? You don't believe in the gazing and sighing? :lol


There's nothing wrong with it when you're young, but what about when she gets old and looks like an antique?

At what point in the marriage (whether in terms of time/age/years or emotion), should a man stop having sex with his wife face to face? You know, to stop it from being awkward.

[hitmanyr2k]

1 and 7 are good. 4 and 5 go hand in hand. The rest is bullshit.

Before even getting married you shouldn't be putting on this "Yes dear, You're right sweetheart" kind of facade if that's not the real you. You're just setting yourself up for years of hell because it gives your spouse-to-be unrealistic expectations. You're giving her a false assumption that she's the boss and she's right even when she isn't. Soon you'll grow tired of that "yes dear" bullshit and it'll spiral down from there. A good relationship/marriage should have the both of you on equal footing and built on honesty.

If you're an asshole then be an asshole. At least your spouse-to-be knows what to expect and won't be shocked years down the road when the real you comes out. She'll likely call you out on it before you get married and the two of you can compromise and go from there.

I've always been straight up with my wife and she knew what she was getting into before we got married :lol I'm not into fake apologies or that kind of thing. When we fight and I think I'm right and she's wrong I'll refuse to apologize and I'll give her my reasons. When she's looking great I make it a point to always let her know. When she's looking hagged out (which I like anyway lol) I'll tell her as well in a joking fashion...nothing degrading. She gives it right back to me lol.

[mavs>spurs2]

timvp, your thoughts?

[florige]

What ever happened to the good ol fashioned slap. It did wonders for the 50's female.

The only problem with that is you can get in all sorts of trouble if you happen to leave a mark. Now you can shake the living crap out of them when they start getting on your nerves.

[Strike]

Things like "yes, dear", "you're right", "I was wrong", "I'm sorry", etc. as blanket statements is a crock-o-shit. If those responses are true statements, so be it. But if you're falling back on those things just to get along with you're wife or avoid an argument, you're a: with the wrong woman or b: gutless and/or sackless.

If you're wife is full of crap, never be afraid to call her on it. Don't be a jag-off, but don't shrivel up just because she's your wife and can turn off the vag access. No vagina is worth your balls.

[Lebowski Brickowski]

written by a woman.

[bigzak25]

We, as Husbands, must show our love for our wives and our families by exhibiting leadership and that is only truly accomplished by being the lead servant. :toast

[ploto]

Things like "yes, dear", "you're right", "I was wrong", "I'm sorry", etc. as blanket statements is a crock-o-shit. If those responses are true statements, so be it. But if you're falling back on those things just to get along with you're wife or avoid an argument, you're a: with the wrong woman or b: gutless and/or sackless.

I would agree that using these phrases in a passive-aggressive way is not healthy; I would not want a man who just said "yes, dear" to get me to shut up when he did not mean it.

But one also has issues if he or she never says phrases like "I was wrong" or "I am sorry." I spent way too many years with a man who never once uttered those words to me. Ever. He was never at fault and he never owed anyone an apology. We all have times when we have to apologize and admit our shortcomings.

[Strike]

That's more or less exactly what I said. Admit when you're wrong and apologize when you screw up. But placating your wife does neither of you any good.

I'm ok with copping to being wrong or doing something stupid/wrong. But I won't just say I'm wrong just to avoid a fight. If the husband has to apologize when he's being a prick, the wife should also be ready to apologize when she's being a bitch on wheels. Two way street, ladies and gentlemen.

My wife wouldn't admit fault or accept consequences. One of several reasons why I filed for divorce.

[CosmicCowboy]

Just don't ever suggest they go on a diet. Trust me on this one.

[JudynTX]

Just don't ever suggest they go on a diet. Trust me on this one.

Do you have the scars to prove it? :lol

My advice to young husbands:

Don't get married until you are 35.

[silverblk mystix]

this reminds me of an old joke...i'll try to tell it correctly;

A man is walking on the beach in california and stumbles on something poking out of the sand so he digs it out and it is a lamp.

He rubs the lamp and a genie pops out and says, ``I am the greatest genie ever in the history of the world and I will grant you three wishes--anything you desire!''

... so the guy ponders a bit and then says....OK...I would like to be as handsome as a movie star and be a mulit-gazillionaire!
The genie says...DONE...and just like that he looks like a movie star/model and the genie assures him his bank account is limitless...

...the man ponders a bit more and then tells the genie...I would like to have a 10 inch cock...presto ...just like that ...he is hung like a horse....

finally...the man says...for my last wish...well..I have always been afraid to fly...so I want you to build me a bridge or a highway from here all the way to hawaii so i can drive there and enjoy the paradise of hawaii...

the genie looks at him with wide eyes and says,`` are you fuckin' serious? I know that I am the greatest genie in history--but-but...do you know how many miles of fuckin' concrete and cable and shit I would have to build just for this...fuck...

no...you are just going to have to pick something a bit more reasonable!''

so the guy ponders for a minute and then says,``ok...I have always wanted to be able to understand a woman..I mean my wife , for example-some days she is nice some days she is upset for no reason and when I try to help her she just gets angrier...some days she is quiet and will not say a word to me...then out of the blue...she is nice again...

I guess for my last wish...I would like for you to give me the power to understand women!''


...the genie...has a disgusted look on his face and says, ``TWO lanes or FOUR lanes!":lol:lol

[Viva Las Espuelas]

^^^^Isn't that 4 wishes though? I think you embellished too much.

[silverblk mystix]

^^^^Isn't that 4 wishes though? I think you embellished too much.

WGAF...it is a joke....prick...

[DarkReign]

There is no advice for marriage.

You either are in this life together, thick and thin, or you are not. No amount of coddling, loving, placating, ass-kissing, groveling or other similar indignities will change one partner's position.

You appreciate their faults, as they do yours, or you both do not.

Its simple. Extremely simple. The end is just as simple, too. Youve either grown together, or youve grown apart.

This...constant attempt to find a universal solution or problem-solving method to marriage is almost disturbing. If youre not married/never been married, you dont know what the fuck youre talking about and if you are married, your personal situation and advice has as much bearing on me as mine does to you...that is to say none at all.

Relationships are the very definition of dynamic. Even small, stupid advice like the article above is useless. Some women (most I know, anyway) do not want complacent eunuchs cow-towing to their every emotional whim. They want a man with convictions and idiosyncrasies, faults and strengths, unique and normal.

Trying to reduce the complexity of relationships to its lowest common denominator does a disservice to yourself and those listening.

[DarkReign]

Situational advice, otoh, is good most of the time, however.

General advice is always, always shit.

[bigzak25]

Women either want a black knight or a white knight.

And I'm not talking race.

Those that choose to offer themselves to a black knight, will only then try to change him to a white knight.

Those that choose the white knights, choose happiness.

But beware of wolves in sheep's clothing.

[silverblk mystix]

There is no advice for marriage.

You either are in this life together, thick and thin, or you are not. No amount of coddling, loving, placating, ass-kissing, groveling or other similar indignities will change one partner's position.

You appreciate their faults, as they do yours, or you both do not.

Its simple. Extremely simple. The end is just as simple, too. Youve either grown together, or youve grown apart.

This...constant attempt to find a universal solution or problem-solving method to marriage is almost disturbing. If youre not married/never been married, you dont know what the fuck youre talking about and if you are married, your personal situation and advice has as much bearing on me as mine does to you...that is to say none at all.

Relationships are the very definition of dynamic. Even small, stupid advice like the article above is useless. Some women (most I know, anyway) do not want complacent eunuchs cow-towing to their every emotional whim. They want a man with convictions and idiosyncrasies, faults and strengths, unique and normal.

Trying to reduce the complexity of relationships to its lowest common denominator does a disservice to yourself and those listening.


THIS.

This is why I posted the joke regarding the understanding of a woman...there is a lot of truth in it. I also agree...there is no universal advice/method to it..

it just depends on TWO people who are seriously in it for life--good or bad,sickness/health,etc....

and even then...there are no guarantees.

[Cry Havoc]

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kwo071qoWY1qz7wfjo1_500.jpg

Chicks dig dudes with money.

[bigzak25]

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kwo071qoWY1qz7wfjo1_500.jpg

Chicks dig dudes with money.


No, chicks like that only really dig the money with the dudes.

[iilluzioN]

I get women left and right....


it dont matter what I say, everything always goes my way....

I understand some of you guys dont have the same luxury as me..... thats why Im the hottest Clubber

[Goran Dragic]

I get women left and right....


it dont matter what I say, everything always goes my way....

I understand some of you guys dont have the same luxury as me..... thats why Im the hottest Clubber

lol

http://www.spurstalk.com/forums/image.php?u=15465&dateline=1247779894&type=profile

[DarkReign]

it dont matter what I say, everything always goes my way....

Just the other day,
my transvestite "girlfriend" was ordering a fillet.
"She" said "she" couldnt stay,
but I couldnt keep my feelings at bay.
...
After we were done rolling in the hay,
I like to reflect on what it truly means to be gay.

[DarkReign]

Sporting my fohawk and a peace sign in photo,
arm-wrestling feminists and posers in an attempt to feel macho.
I suddenly had an inspiring thought,
"These events can certainly not go for naught!"
So I posted my exploits on a forum to brag,
expecting to be lavished with praise, instead I was called a "fag"!
Accusations of women with questionable gender,
hair and clothes that look from a blender.
My respite was both sudden and brief,
the out-pouring of laughter, mocking and grief!
The volume so high and my spirits so low,
I found comfort only in the arms of my boy, Carlo.

[mrsmaalox]

^^^:lol

[CosmicCowboy]

:lmao classic

[benefactor]

There is no advice for marriage.

You either are in this life together, thick and thin, or you are not. No amount of coddling, loving, placating, ass-kissing, groveling or other similar indignities will change one partner's position.

You appreciate their faults, as they do yours, or you both do not.

Its simple. Extremely simple. The end is just as simple, too. Youve either grown together, or youve grown apart.

This...constant attempt to find a universal solution or problem-solving method to marriage is almost disturbing. If youre not married/never been married, you dont know what the fuck youre talking about and if you are married, your personal situation and advice has as much bearing on me as mine does to you...that is to say none at all.

Relationships are the very definition of dynamic. Even small, stupid advice like the article above is useless. Some women (most I know, anyway) do not want complacent eunuchs cow-towing to their every emotional whim. They want a man with convictions and idiosyncrasies, faults and strengths, unique and normal.

Trying to reduce the complexity of relationships to its lowest common denominator does a disservice to yourself and those listening.
/thread

Sporting my fohawk and a peace sign in photo,
arm-wrestling feminists and posers in an attempt to feel macho.
I suddenly had an inspiring thought,
"These events can certainly not go for naught!"
So I posted my exploits on a forum to brag,
expecting to be lavished with praise, instead I was called a "fag"!
Accusations of women with questionable gender,
hair and clothes that look from a blender.
My respite was both sudden and brief,
the out-pouring of laughter, mocking and grief!
The volume so high and my spirits so low,
I found comfort only in the arms of my boy, Carlo.
Well done, sir. :toast :lol