College App Essay

[Gutter92]

Sooo...applying to the University of Illinois, need to write an application essay, 1000 words or so.

What should I include here? Personal experiences, what I plan on studying, etc.?

So far I have:


Deer Whom it may concern,

Throughout my life, I have made many choices. None of them are as important as the one I am considering now. This choice, its pretty big. No, not what car I plan on buying, but what education I plan on getting, at your university. While for some people, this choice is an easy one to make. For me it is not.

-------------------------------

What should I add to this? Should I write about a personal story, etc.? One that shows character, and how I'll be a good addition to the university?

[Jekka]

Are you serious? First of all, your spelling/grammar is awful. Second, don't address it "To Whom It May Concern" when you know to whom you are sending it (presumably the University of Illinois admissions counselors).

If you know what you plan on studying, then yes, you should talk about it. You should also include why you want to study that subject(s).

You should also probably talk about why you think you are ready for college and why the University of Illinois specifically is the right school for you.

Personal anecdotes can be good in an essay if they add something significant. Make sure to tie it in throughout the essay, though, so it doesn't look like you're just telling a story to entertain the admissions committee member who is reading it.

[ashbeeigh]

Does the application have any guidlines? Follow the guidelines. Going overunder a few words or lines won't kill you. But going over/under by a ton will. Ask your counselor for some sample admissions essays.

Ask your classmates/friends/relatives if they've written these types of essays and see what they've done.

Google "College Admissions essay." Don't copy one from a search result, but using google for a little inspiration is never a bad thing. I use it all the time for a jumnping off point.

And yes, like Jekka said..your grammar was pretty horrible. Check that, often. And you're not writting a "letter" you're writing and essay. Have you ever seen an essay started with "To Whom it may concern"? Also, as you get older you'll find out "To Whom It May Concern" is a go to "I don't know who tio address this to" label. Don't use it enldess you've searched high and low and cann't find who to address something to. It makes you look like a slacker (not that I haven't done it in the past though...).

[ploto]

Are you sure about 1000 words?

From website: Essays. Two essays of no more than 300 words each are required in the application

http://www.admissions.illinois.edu/apply/tips_freshman.html

Definitely, have someone check your grammar. In the short passage above, you have a problem with subject-verb agreement, a fragment, and a misuse of the word its.

[Jekka]

Are you sure about 1000 words?

From website: Essays. Two essays of no more than 300 words each are required in the application

http://www.admissions.illinois.edu/apply/tips_freshman.html

Definitely, have someone check your grammar. In the short passage above, you have a problem with subject-verb agreement, a fragment, and a misuse of the word its.

He also spelled "dear" as "deer" and insinuated that the person reading the essay thought that the big decision he was making was about buying a car. le sigh.

[coyotes_geek]

On top of what others have already said, leave out stuff like "no not what kind of car I'm buying" and other phrases that don't have anything to do with your point. Phrases like that aren't adding any value to your essay and just make you look like someone without anything substantive to say who is just looking for filler material to meet a word count.

[Gutter92]

Are you sure about 1000 words?

From website: Essays. Two essays of no more than 300 words each are required in the application

http://www.admissions.illinois.edu/apply/tips_freshman.html

Definitely, have someone check your grammar. In the short passage above, you have a problem with subject-verb agreement, a fragment, and a misuse of the word its.


I talked to the lady about applying as an English major, and she said that they dont REQUIRE 1000 words, but its a good sign of a student who wants to stand out.

[ashbeeigh]

He also spelled "dear" as "deer" and insinuated that the person reading the essay thought that the big decision he was making was about buying a car. le sigh.

"dear" lord. I didn't catch that one. And he thinks he can get into UI? Is this UI Champlaign? You'd be lucky to get into an ACCD school with that type of essay.

[Jekka]

I talked to the lady about applying as an English major, and she said that they dont REQUIRE 1000 words, but its a good sign of a student who wants to stand out.

:lmao

[Gutter92]

Are you sure about 1000 words?

From website: Essays. Two essays of no more than 300 words each are required in the application

http://www.admissions.illinois.edu/apply/tips_freshman.html

Definitely, have someone check your grammar. In the short passage above, you have a problem with subject-verb agreement, a fragment, and a misuse of the word its.


"dear" lord. I didn't catch that one. And he thinks he can get into UI? Is this UI Champlaign? You'd be lucky to get into an ACCD school with that type of essay.

U of I in Champaign, yes.

[Kori Ellis]

I wouldn't write a 1000-word essay if they are asking for two essays of NO MORE than 300 words each. They'll discard your 1000-word essay without reading it for not being able to follow directions.

[ashbeeigh]

U of I in Champaign, yes.

Alright. Then you need to really work on your essay if you aren't trying to troll everyone. That's a very big DI school. Have you checked their acceptance rates? Specific to your department? SAT/ACT scores? All that stuff? Is this just one of the few schools you're applying to? I hate to turn this into a "are you sure this is where you want to go?" thread...but someone would eventually.

[Gutter92]

Alright. Then you need to really work on your essay if you aren't trying to troll everyone. That's a very big DI school. Have you checked their acceptance rates? Specific to your department? SAT/ACT scores? All that stuff? Is this just one of the few schools you're applying to? I hate to turn this into a "are you sure this is where you want to go?" thread...but someone would eventually.

I don't remember my SAT score, but my ACT was 29 and I'm fairly sure that's at least in the middle 50% of the U of I.

[CuckingFunt]

Yeah... tighten up grammar and writing style. A lot. It's likely worth investing in some sort of writing manual (not a style guide, but something with the basics of structure), which will undoubtedly prove useful as an English major, and really familiarize yourself with the mechanics of writing. For a quick source, this book (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0205651259/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_3?ie=UTF8&cloe_id=bd548ee6-e161-490d-bd5a-17c5b243f39c&pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0205687342&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1732ZXG8RW3EK64CD6AS) has been hugely valuable to me -- it's packed with the kind of information that, even as a fairly decent writer, I don't always have ready off the top of my head (complex/obscure comma rules, for example).

I, personally, am always of the opinion that personality is a good thing in essay writing, and can help you stand out to a panel of people reading a ton of application essays. I would think this especially true for a prospective English major. But you really, REALLY have to know the rules backwards and forwards before you can ever hope to break and/or manipulate them thoughtfully. And, frankly, you're not there yet. A fragment or two, for deliberate effect, within an otherwise grammatically flawless essay will likely stand out as intentional, but if your grammar is generally flawed all of those little asides that you might intend to be playful or humorous are just going to come across as not knowing what you're doing.

As an English major especially, I would think it important to focus as much on how your essay is written, as on what it says.

[MannyIsGod]

You should apply there if you want to go. However, you should also apply to other schools and have a safety school you know will accept you just in case.

To be quite blunt, what you posted above is not the beginnings of an essay. If you really want to get into this school then put the work required to do so. Make it sound excellent. 300 words isn't much time to make an impact and really be a deciding factor but concentrate on having an essay that comes across as though someone who is intelligent wrote it.

If you remember one thing, remember this: No matter what this essay won't get you into the university but it can definitely stop you from getting in. Make it as error free as possible (and really in 300 words there should be zero errors).

Good luck.

[MannyIsGod]

BTW, reading my posts here will show you that I suck at both grammar and spelling. That being said, every paper I've ever turned in has had very few mistakes if any on either front. I'm not great at either of these things naturally but that doesn't mean I can't proofread and make sure the final product has the kinks worked out.

[baseline bum]

I don't know how to start it, but make sure the essay ends with you insulting the cabbie when arriving at your mansion in Bel Air.

[TDMVPDPOY]

tell them u pay cash!!!

[Dr. Gonzo]

I think you are doing well. Just keep on doing what you were doing and you will end up right where you belong.

[MannyIsGod]

I think you are doing well. Just keep on doing what you were doing and you will end up right where you belong.

At UTSA?

[BadOdor]

At UTSA?

:rollin

[Ignignokt]

I heard the college admission essay at UTSA just requires a flow with a beat. You get extra consideration if you use autotune.

[cornbread]

First of all, don't sweat the hate you're getting. Forget about that garbage.

Is there a teacher at your school who can give you some coaching on your paper? See if you can schedule some time with that person. Be sure to have your ideas ready so you can present them and get feedback. That person will be more willing to help you along the way if you show initiative and don't come across like you're trying to get them to come up with the ideas for you.

The outline should come together before you start writing. This will help keep your ideas clear and your writing tight. 300-1,000 words isn't all that much to make a case for yourself and you're competing against talented writers. You'll really want to have a nicely polished paper.

See if that teacher or somebody else who is good with grammar can proof your paper. An English teacher would be ideal because they'll give you feedback that goes beyond grammar and spelling.

Good luck.

[The Reckoning]

nice troll job :tu


btw UTSA didnt require an essay and all you needed was a 24 on your ACT to be in the honors program :lmao

[Gutter92]

nice troll job :tu


btw UTSA didnt require an essay and all you needed was a 24 on your ACT to be in the honors program :lmao

I'm not applying to UTSA...

[CubanMustGo]

I don't remember my SAT score, but my ACT was 29 and I'm fairly sure that's at least in the middle 50% of the U of I.

And now you see the difference between the ability to test well and to write well. I could always outscore my classmates on SAT/ACTs because I simply knew how to do well on multiple choice tests (to the point of being the only National Merit Scholar in a 600-member class), but my writing skills were (are) not on the same level. College admissions are much more difficult these days - test scores are only a starting point, not the end-all, be-all they were decades ago. Your essay is your chance to say "hey, look at me, not these other bozos with similar scores."

You're getting some good advice, even if some of it seems harsh. As cornbread says, work the essay with your English teacher and/or (if you're lucky enough to have one) school counselor. The page ploto linked says:
We want to read about you, what interests you and why. After the essays are completed, ask a teacher, counselor, or parent to proofread and provide feedback. Remember, they should not write for you, but help catch misspellings and give suggestions.
So, to address another part of your original question, you're not writing about why you want to go to IU - you're writing about the things that excite you and what you want to do in life. If you know that IU has a great program in your field of study, you can work that in, but as a part of a greater whole.

That's my $0.02. Good luck!

[FuzzyLumpkins]

Everyone here is slamming you for your grammar but that is not really what I find important. Your content is lacking. You obviously have no direction.

It may be important what major you select but really does that matter? What do you think they want to hear?

A better strategy would be to give them reasons why you would excel in their college environment. Tell them how you are driven, what you have done to prepare, how you plan to approach learning and the like.

You want them to think that you are going to attend class and be successful. Telling them how you are waffling on a major is not compelling at all.

[ploto]

I wouldn't write a 1000-word essay if they are asking for two essays of NO MORE than 300 words each. They'll discard your 1000-word essay without reading it for not being able to follow directions.

I think more and more colleges are asking for short essays. My son just submitted his for his first choice, and it stated 200-250 words. That is a short essay, but he made sure to stick within the guidelines. I would suggest one major theme and providing reasons, experiences, and ideas related to it, instead of trying to cover too much.

[DMX7]

No offense, but I doubt you scored a 29 on your ACT based on that writing sample.

My constructive criticism is that you need to make this more original and less cliche'. Get your teacher to edit it too. There are a lot of mistakes there.

[MannyIsGod]

Within 300 words I just don't think you're going to have a huge impact. It doesn't really give you enough time to stand out. Your goal should be simply not to screw up. I honestly think a 300 word essay has the potential to get you eliminated but not to get you in.

[bus driver]

write whatever the fuck you want and at the end tell them this:


tell them u pay cash!!!


you will might get a building named after you as well.

[cornbread]

Your content is lacking. You obviously have no direction.

Yes! This is Step 1. Think through your ideas. Talk through your ideas with somebody like a teacher who understands persuasive writing. Then outline. Then start writing.

If you start writing without direction or without a plan, it will be obvious in your paper.

[ashbeeigh]

Within 300 words I just don't think you're going to have a huge impact. It doesn't really give you enough time to stand out. Your goal should be simply not to screw up. I honestly think a 300 word essay has the potential to get you eliminated but not to get you in.

300 words won't get a lot of detail, but if he can get the point across if he picks the right theme and right points to detail. Have a stellar introduction, write 2-3 short paragraphs about the main point (why you want to go to the school) and then close the paper with a great conclusion. Short essays are all about great editing. At least that's how I see it.

[DeadlyDynasty]

Paypal me a c-note and consider it done.

[coyotes_geek]

And now you see the difference between the ability to test well and to write well. I could always outscore my classmates on SAT/ACTs because I simply knew how to do well on multiple choice tests (to the point of being the only National Merit Scholar in a 600-member class), but my writing skills were (are) not on the same level. College admissions are much more difficult these days - test scores are only a starting point, not the end-all, be-all they were decades ago. Your essay is your chance to say "hey, look at me, not these other bozos with similar scores."

This is definitely a problem trend that I'm seeing in my line of work (engineering). Companies have no trouble at all finding college graduates with high GPA's, but ones who can actually write technically and communicate are incredibly rare. We once had an intern, who was an honor student, who just couldn't comprehend why we kept getting upset when he used texting acronyms in technical reports.

[MannyIsGod]

This is definitely a problem trend that I'm seeing in my line of work (engineering). Companies have no trouble at all finding college graduates with high GPA's, but ones who can actually write technically and communicate are incredibly rare. We once had an intern, who was an honor student, who just couldn't comprehend why we kept getting upset when he used texting acronyms in technical reports.

You have to be fucking kidding me. When I was contemplating transferring to A&M and following their degree plan I had to take a technical writing course. I can't believe this isn't a requirement for all engineering students (I wasn't an engineering student but the fields have the same obvious need for people to communicate quickly and efficiently)

"LOL The length of the retaining wall must be 32 feet OMG"

Jesus. We're a country of fucking idiots. If the engineers can't even be counted on to be intelligent I have no faith.

[Summers]

Okay, I'm editing this to what I hope will be a more constructive response. :lol

This isn't "hate", but why do you want to be an English major? You should have a passion for the written word to be an English major because you will spend a crapload of time reading and writing. Do you think it will be an easy way to get a high GPA so that you can get into law school or something else? Anyway, you don't have to declare a major yet. Just see what you like and go with it.

[Gutter92]

I updated it a little, took the advice of some of the posters here


Throughout my life, I have made a lot of choices. A lot of these choices were difficult to make, though some were not so difficult. I have spent a lot of time worrying about which University would be the right place for me to spend my college career at, and I have come to the conclusion, that though a lot of colleges may seem like the right place to be, the University of Illinois is the one for me. One experience that I can relate to this, decision is when, in my younger years, I had a choice to make. I was five years old, living in Munich Germany. Me, my brother, and our friend were doing what children our age did: have fun. One day, we tore the pieces of roofing off of a small hut between our two apartment buildings. I was faced with a moral dilemma: do I confess or do we take this secret with us to the grave? I ended up confessing, and my parents had to pay 500 marks, along with our friend's parents, to pay for repairing. This choice, although a difficult one to make at the time, has made me a better person, and I hope that choosing the University of Illinois over other Universities, I will end up looking back at as a good decision and one that made me a better person.

[Bartleby]

Just copy the best parts from this one and call it a day:

ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

[Bartleby]

On a more serious note, writing about living in Germany is a good idea that has lots of potential, but the anecdote about when you were five isn't doing it for me.

[Gutter92]

Thats plajarism and they will not accept me if I do that shit lol.

[4>0rings]

^^^ but I also suggest following the writing of Brian:

Dear Mr. Vernon,

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us…In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is

a brain…

an athlete…

a basket case…

a princess…

and a criminal…

Does that answer your question?

Sincerely yours,
The Breakfast Club.

[Sisk]

Trolling.

8.5/10

[Jose Canseco]

Assuming this is not a troll thread...

What most have said about writing 1000 words should be common sense. You don't want to stand out by not being able to follow the guidelines. You want to stand out by the content and substance and quality of your writing.

Personally, I believe as long as it's not either horrible or outstanding, it matters very little. The ones that stand out as outstanding will catch their eye and perhaps get consideration for some type of honors English program or class. The ones that stand out as horrible will probably be a strike against that applicant and possible be a reason for them to get rejected. If you're anywhere in the middle say 70-80% in terms of quality of essays, I don't think it's a big deal to them. You got to imagine the people who go through these essays probably read thousands of these essays.

Just make sure, as some have already pointed out, that the spelling and grammar are fairly clean. I don't think it's a deal-breaker, but it certainly doesn't help if there are a lot of typos. If you're telling any kind of anecdotal story of your life, choose the most interesting story you have, something that would sound compelling to a reader. For example, if you have a near-death experience, it speaks on your adversity. If you accomplished something impressive at a young age, it shows your potential to do great things. Find something unique about yourself to write about. Whether it's something like you have a twin sibling or you can speak another language fluently or your parents were born in a different country other than the USA, bring something up that makes you unique. That's how you stand out.

If you don't have anything that unique or interesting about you, it's ok. Not a lot of 17-19 year old kids necessarily do. But you should find a way to make what you write sound interesting. Find a really cool quote and find a way to incorporate it in the essay (Martin Luther King, Jr. has boatloads of great quotes). Write about how something has influenced your life, even things like facebook or twitter or the shows The Wire or the Sopranos. Just make it interesting. And if you can find a way to put an ironic twist at the end of the essays, as long as it's not really a stretch to do it, that will often make a written piece more memorable especially if it's clever. But don't do it just to do it. It has to make sense.

Make sure you have a couple people proof the essays before you send them in.

[LoneStarState'sPride]

This has GOT to be a troll thread. Well done, OP.

[Gutter92]

I will work on the essay tonight and in the morning. My brother told me to be more consize with my writing and try not to ramble on too much about choices, basically what you guys said.

[The Reckoning]

dont go to college. i need someone to pick up my garbage in the morning. you fit the job description nicely.

thanks in advance.

[LoneStarState'sPride]

I updated it a little, took the advice of some of the posters here


Throughout my life, I have made a lot of choices. A lot of these choices were difficult to make, though some were not so difficult. I have spent a lot of time worrying about which University would be the right place for me to spend my college career at, and I have come to the conclusion, that though a lot of colleges may seem like the right place to be, the University of Illinois is the one for me. One experience that I can relate to this, decision is when, in my younger years, I had a choice to make. I was five years old, living in Munich Germany. Me, my brother, and our friend were doing what children our age did: have fun. One day, we tore the pieces of roofing off of a small hut between our two apartment buildings. I was faced with a moral dilemma: do I confess or do we take this secret with us to the grave? I ended up confessing, and my parents had to pay 500 marks, along with our friend's parents, to pay for repairing. This choice, although a difficult one to make at the time, has made me a better person, and I hope that choosing the University of Illinois over other Universities, I will end up looking back at as a good decision and one that made me a better person.

Good God, allow me to clean this shit up.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Throughout my life, I have made a numerous choices. Many of these choices were difficult to make [removed "though some were not so difficult"--irrelevant]. I have spent a lot of time worrying about which university would be the right place for me to spend my college career [removed "at"--don't end sentences with prepositions], and I have come to the conclusion [removed comma] that though a lot of colleges may seem like the right place to be, the University of Illinois is my undisputed number one choice [removed "the one for me"--be forceful! Let them know you want to be there!].

This decision reminds me of a seminal experience I had as a child. [removed "I can relate to this, decision is when, in my younger years, I had a choice to make"--this sentence was so chock full of grammar and punctuation faux pas that it was irreparable]. I was five years old, living in Munich Germany. Me, my brother, and our friend were doing what children our age did: have fun. One day, we tore the pieces of roofing off of a small hut between our two apartment buildings. I was faced with a moral dilemma: do I confess or do we take this secret with us to the grave? I ended up confessing, and my parents had to pay 500 marks, along with our friend's parents, to pay for repairing. This choice, although a difficult one to make at the time, helped make me a better person, and I hope that choosing the University of Illinois over other Universities, I will end up looking back at as a good decision and one that made me a better person.
----------------------------------------------------------

That's the best hack editing I can do on short notice. This stuff really needs to get cleaned up.

[Jose Canseco]

If you replace "a lot of" with "numerous," take out the "a" in front of "numerous" as well...

I didn't read past that first sentence of your "cleaning it up" once I read that "correction."

[Gutter92]

I have to hand this in tomorrow in 6th period, our teacher is giving them to our counselor and they're sending it to the University. I have to hand something in, considering its like 1/7th of our grade, or something like that. Appreciate the help!

[ashbeeigh]

If you're from Germany and want to study English that a good enough reason for me. Talk about wanting to understand history, culture and the nuisance of the language to be more marketable in the global economy (or be unemployed because you ended up majoring in a liberal arts program that has no terminal end at graduation...). The University of Illionois's English Department's program will allow me to do that by a, b c....

[coyotes_geek]

You have to be fucking kidding me. When I was contemplating transferring to A&M and following their degree plan I had to take a technical writing course. I can't believe this isn't a requirement for all engineering students (I wasn't an engineering student but the fields have the same obvious need for people to communicate quickly and efficiently)

"LOL The length of the retaining wall must be 32 feet OMG"

Jesus. We're a country of fucking idiots. If the engineers can't even be counted on to be intelligent I have no faith.

I had to take a technical writing course at A&M. The person I'm referring to wasn't going to A&M so no idea whether such a course was a requirement at his school. He wasn't bad to the point of dropping in LOL's and OMG's, but the concept of actually having to type out "in other words" as opposed to IOW was lost on him.

[Jekka]

I updated it a little, took the advice of some of the posters here


Throughout my life, I have made a lot of choices. A lot of these choices were difficult to make, though some were not so difficult. I have spent a lot of time worrying about which University would be the right place for me to spend my college career at, and I have come to the conclusion, that though a lot of colleges may seem like the right place to be, the University of Illinois is the one for me. One experience that I can relate to this, decision is when, in my younger years, I had a choice to make. I was five years old, living in Munich Germany. Me, my brother, and our friend were doing what children our age did: have fun. One day, we tore the pieces of roofing off of a small hut between our two apartment buildings. I was faced with a moral dilemma: do I confess or do we take this secret with us to the grave? I ended up confessing, and my parents had to pay 500 marks, along with our friend's parents, to pay for repairing. This choice, although a difficult one to make at the time, has made me a better person, and I hope that choosing the University of Illinois over other Universities, I will end up looking back at as a good decision and one that made me a better person.

You need to just drop that first sentence altogether. 300 words does not give you enough time to run through the whole vague to specific then specific to vague spiel that you normally do in the intro and conclusion paragraphs of a traditional essay.

Also, future English major, you have GOT to get someone to proofread your stuff before you turn in this essay, and give yourself enough time to make major edits. You're ending sentences with prepositions, using incorrect pronouns, switching verb tenses within the same paragraph ... it's a mess.

Discussing "decisions" isn't anything that is going to set you apart from all of the other students who are making the SAME decision. If you are trying to stand out, you need to talk about something that everyone and their mothers aren't talking about. Try another angle - like why do you want to study English? Do you have an interest in a particular style/subject/etc? Have you written major papers in the past from which you can draw experience about performing in depth research? How have your previous academic achievements prepared you for university study? How have your extracurricular activities and community involvement prepared you for college life?

[Oh, Gee!!]

I updated it a little, took the advice of some of the posters here


Throughout my life, I have made a lot of choices. A lot of these choices were difficult to make, though some were not so difficult. I have spent a lot of time worrying about which University would be the right place for me to spend my college career at, and I have come to the conclusion, that though a lot of colleges may seem like the right place to be, the University of Illinois is the one for me. One experience that I can relate to this, decision is when, in my younger years, I had a choice to make. I was five years old, living in Munich Germany. Me, my brother, and our friend were doing what children our age did: have fun. One day, we tore the pieces of roofing off of a small hut between our two apartment buildings. I was faced with a moral dilemma: do I confess or do we take this secret with us to the grave? I ended up confessing, and my parents had to pay 500 marks, along with our friend's parents, to pay for repairing. This choice, although a difficult one to make at the time, has made me a better person, and I hope that choosing the University of Illinois over other Universities, I will end up looking back at as a good decision and one that made me a better person.

what's with all the fucking commas and passive voice sentence structure? Grow a pair of balls and write.

[baseline bum]

I had to take a technical writing course at A&M. The person I'm referring to wasn't going to A&M so no idea whether such a course was a requirement at his school. He wasn't bad to the point of dropping in LOL's and OMG's, but the concept of actually having to type out "in other words" as opposed to IOW was lost on him.

We never had an explicit technical writing requirement, but every single programming project I ever did in a CS class (even the freshman stuff) required two pretty extensive manuals: one for users and one for maintainers, as well as documentation of every module, class, and public procedure. Sometimes analysis of runtimes of functions and memory usage too. Of course any non-programming project was a technical paper. Is it not standard for engineering students to do a lot of writing? I never took anything in mechanical eng. and very little in EE outside of the CS requirements, so it could be different there though.

[baseline bum]

I had to take a technical writing course at A&M. The person I'm referring to wasn't going to A&M so no idea whether such a course was a requirement at his school. He wasn't bad to the point of dropping in LOL's and OMG's, but the concept of actually having to type out "in other words" as opposed to IOW was lost on him.

Never anything like this?



/**
* This function is O(N^2), LOL. FIXME LMAO
*/
void foo(int *A, int N, int D)
{
do stuff
do hard thing // wtf?
if (8==D) {
do more stuff
}
}

[tlongII]

This Gutter kid HAS to be trolling. If he isn't and he gets into UofI I will have lost all faith in our higher education system.

[Latarian Milton]

even if your not applying for a literature major or something alike, grammars are still somethings you should pay serious attention to imho. just pm kori your essay when it's done, i think she will be kind enough to check it for you tbh. kori is a pro writer who makes a living of writing imo.

[Oh, Gee!!]

truly

[TE]

Why major in English?

[Oh, Gee!!]

Why major in English?

um.... 'cause I hear'd it's a mighty-fine prefession.

[Gutter92]

Why major in English?

Its either English or History, and I'm not very good at History.

[TE]

um.... 'cause I hear'd it's a mighty-fine prefession.



No offense, but the fact that you aren't being specific with what you are intending to do as an English major shows that you haven't even considered possible career paths--thus showing that you aren't ready for college (whatever institution you end up going to)


Or am I wrong?


What are your intentions as an English Major?

[z0sa]

1) Write in an active voice. Every sentence: [subject][verb][sentence][noun] if you can: I experienced an intense, emotional growing period during my senior year of high school.

I introduced my brother to his future wife at a football game.

I destroyed an entire planet with my death star.

2) Be specific. Get an idea of one or two events (if they are linked very easily) that you think are the most interesting, and write about those. No one gives a shit about your life story, they want to hear what makes you special, nothing else.

3) Don't go over the limit by more than a sentence or two. Cut every passive, vague sentence out. Use lots of adjectives to make your story's environment easily imaginable.

Good luck.

[TE]

Honestly, I don't know why people major in English... It's not a very good major, unless you seek employment as a teacher, or you continue to pursue a masters.


I heard Law school is a good post option. But I wouldn't know, I'm not an english major.

[TE]

No offense, but the fact that you aren't being specific with what you are intending to do as an English major shows that you haven't even considered possible career paths--thus showing that you aren't ready for college (whatever institution you end up going to)


Or am I wrong?


What are your intentions as an English Major?



Post was intended for original poster, my mistake.



Darn, my computer is acting up.

[MannyIsGod]

Its either English or History, and I'm not very good at History.

Hate to break it to you but you're not very good at English either.

[MannyIsGod]

I feel bad if you're not actually trolling for my last comment but I can't help myself if I feel like Manny Ramirez when I see a hanging curve like that.

[Oh, Gee!!]

Its either English or History, and I'm not very good at History.

just fucking study like a motherfucker. you, of all people, will need to study.

[TE]

I updated it a little, took the advice of some of the posters here


Throughout my life, I have made a lot of choices. A lot of these choices were difficult to make, though some were not so difficult. I have spent a lot of time worrying about which University would be the right place for me to spend my college career at, and I have come to the conclusion, that though a lot of colleges may seem like the right place to be, the University of Illinois is the one for me. One experience that I can relate to this, decision is when, in my younger years, I had a choice to make. I was five years old, living in Munich Germany. Me, my brother, and our friend were doing what children our age did: have fun. One day, we tore the pieces of roofing off of a small hut between our two apartment buildings. I was faced with a moral dilemma: do I confess or do we take this secret with us to the grave? I ended up confessing, and my parents had to pay 500 marks, along with our friend's parents, to pay for repairing. This choice, although a difficult one to make at the time, has made me a better person, and I hope that choosing the University of Illinois over other Universities, I will end up looking back at as a good decision and one that made me a better person.




This is the weakest shit I've ever heard, if you don't have any life changing experiences to write about and make this college app essay interesting, then I'd suggest writing about your professional intentions. Perhaps write about a famous english writer or some shit. What you have begun to write points to the fact that you lived an UNGODLY boring life with no character building experiences.

[z0sa]

"Me, my brother, and our friend.."

you sure you want to be an English major?

[TE]

Study physics or chemistry, then you'll have a reason to kill yourself like I currently do. (pata pata pata pshhh [drum roll]......emo)



I take that back, I want a job after I graduate.

[Oh, Gee!!]

I remember one time, for example, that I had to decide between a chocolate and a vanilla ice-creamed scoop. rest-assured, the decision was very hard for myself to make all by myself. I picked a strawberry-flavored scoop of iced-cream to enjoy. These hard decisions make me qualified to be your number one, star English-speaking student.

[TE]

Wow, if this is a troll attempt, The poster has definitely exceeded at it.


If only their was a Bachelor of Arts in Trolling degree.

[TE]

I remember one time, for example, that I had to decide between a chocolate and a vanilla ice-creamed scoop. rest-assured, the decision was very hard for myself to make all by myself. I picked a strawberry-flavored scoop of iced-cream to enjoy. These hard decisions make me qualified to be your number one, star English-speaking student.

:lmao




I belong in your university because I, myself righteously chose between the moral quandary of buying a cat or dog. I bought the cat because it's less expensive and saves my parents some cash. I qualify as one of your potential students because I saved my parents some money. Decisions like these enable me to become a strong candidate for a position in your institution.

[DJ Mbenga]

Sooo...applying to the University of Illinois, need to write an application essay, 1000 words or so.

What should I include here? Personal experiences, what I plan on studying, etc.?

So far I have:


Deer Whom it may concern,

Throughout my life, I have made many choices. None of them are as important as the one I am considering now. This choice, its pretty big. No, not what car I plan on buying, but what education I plan on getting, at your university. While for some people, this choice is an easy one to make. For me it is not.

-------------------------------

What should I add to this? Should I write about a personal story, etc.? One that shows character, and how I'll be a good addition to the university?

you probably need a legit hook. its supposed to make your shit stand out from 30 k other applications. find an english expert and have them grammar that shit up.

[ALVAREZ6]

I feel bad if you're not actually trolling for my last comment but I can't help myself if I feel like Manny Ramirez when I see a hanging curve like that.
LOL, his post that you quoted alone shouts troll, as well as the majority of his earlier posts.



Its either English or History, and I'm not very good at History.

What exactly does being good at history mean???

Being "good at history" = Being interested in history, knowing how to read, and having some type of memory capacity.

and by the other posts, we can make more connections that this is a troll because he's clearly not good at English.

Either a troll or someone with very unrealistic ambitions...

[ALVAREZ6]

Wow, if this is a troll attempt, The poster has definitely exceeded at it.


If only their was a Bachelor of Arts in Trolling degree.

:tu :lol

[DJ Mbenga]

Its either English or History, and I'm not very good at History.

history isnt memorization so if thats what you are bad at dont be concerned. you just have to be able to read a lot of shit in a short ammount of time. of course life gets easier when somebody reveals to you can "gut a book". then its about discussion and articulating those ideas verbally and through critical writing assignments. facts and trivia dont get it done.

[Gutter92]

history isnt memorization so if thats what you are bad at dont be concerned. you just have to be able to read a lot of shit in a short ammount of time. of course life gets easier when somebody reveals to you can "gut a book". then its about discussion and articulating those ideas verbally and through critical writing assignments. facts and trivia dont get it done.

Are you a history major? If so, would u mind PM'ing me? What sorts of jobs can one get with a history major?

[ploto]

You do not need to tell the reader what you are doing; just do it. Say what you want to convey in a direct manner.

The anecdote should be very brief, and what you have learned from it should be the main focus. You can tell the story in a line or two, but then explain WHY it is significant to you; HOW it impacted you; WHAT you gained from it.

[Drachen]

You have to be fucking kidding me. When I was contemplating transferring to A&M and following their degree plan I had to take a technical writing course. I can't believe this isn't a requirement for all engineering students (I wasn't an engineering student but the fields have the same obvious need for people to communicate quickly and efficiently)

"LOL The length of the retaining wall must be 32 feet OMG"

Jesus. We're a country of fucking idiots. If the engineers can't even be counted on to be intelligent I have no faith.

Oh you think this is bad, I will tell you where it comes from. About two years ago, my stepdaughter told me about these assignments that her science teacher was having her class do. It was homework and he had set up a blog which conveyed each weekly assignment. They do the assignment in MS Word, then upload the document to the blog, etc. I was very excited as I thought that this was a good way to engage students in learning how to use the computer, the efficiencies involved in remote collaboration, etc. Anyway, she did her first assignment and asked me to look it over and I got on her case because she had all sorts of words without the vowels, sentence fragments, and other various errors. I told her about these errors and she got very defiant and told me it was texting language. I told her that although I know she believes that this is an actual new language that the time and place for it is with her friends if at all. I further explained that it has absolutely no place in academic writing. Then she dropped the bombshell, "my science teacher told me we could use texting language for our assignments." I actually verbally said "no, Noooooooo" not in a pissed off way, more in a completely abhorrent tone. I immediately told her I would be calling her teacher, sending him a note, and doing anything else necessary to stop that particular instruction, but that she has to fix that right away. Then she got angry and told me "its not like its even English class, it doesn't even matter in Science." That is when I realized that I would be putting my youngest in private school when she got to school age.

I am not going to say that my science teachers corrected every last grammatical error (it wasn't their discipline, and therefore they weren't experts), but I did get counted off for the errors that they did catch.

[Jekka]

Are you a history major? If so, would u mind PM'ing me? What sorts of jobs can one get with a history major?

...teaching, or grad school (which then leads to more teaching). It's really, really hard to make it with a terminal history degree. My undergrad majors were history and American studies, but I also knew that I was going to go back to school anyway, so I might as well do what I enjoy. A lot of people are history majors because they want to go to law school, etc.

[MannyIsGod]

Oh you think this is bad, I will tell you where it comes from. About two years ago, my stepdaughter told me about these assignments that her science teacher was having her class do. It was homework and he had set up a blog which conveyed each weekly assignment. They do the assignment in MS Word, then upload the document to the blog, etc. I was very excited as I thought that this was a good way to engage students in learning how to use the computer, the efficiencies involved in remote collaboration, etc. Anyway, she did her first assignment and asked me to look it over and I got on her case because she had all sorts of words without the vowels, sentence fragments, and other various errors. I told her about these errors and she got very defiant and told me it was texting language. I told her that although I know she believes that this is an actual new language that the time and place for it is with her friends if at all. I further explained that it has absolutely no place in academic writing. Then she dropped the bombshell, "my science teacher told me we could use texting language for our assignments." I actually verbally said "no, Noooooooo" not in a pissed off way, more in a completely abhorrent tone. I immediately told her I would be calling her teacher, sending him a note, and doing anything else necessary to stop that particular instruction, but that she has to fix that right away. Then she got angry and told me "its not like its even English class, it doesn't even matter in Science." That is when I realized that I would be putting my youngest in private school when she got to school age.

I am not going to say that my science teachers corrected every last grammatical error (it wasn't their discipline, and therefore they weren't experts), but I did get counted off for the errors that they did catch.

Probably a damn coach teaching science.

[101A]

Sooo...applying to the University of Illinois, need to write an application essay, 1000 words or so.

What should I include here? Personal experiences, what I plan on studying, etc.?

So far I have:


Deer Whom it may concern,

Throughout my life, I have made many choices. None of them are as important as the one I am considering now. This choice, its pretty big. No, not what car I plan on buying, but what education I plan on getting, at your university. While for some people, this choice is an easy one to make. For me it is not.

-------------------------------

What should I add to this? Should I write about a personal story, etc.? One that shows character, and how I'll be a good addition to the university?

Two words:

"Trade School"

[coyotes_geek]

We never had an explicit technical writing requirement, but every single programming project I ever did in a CS class (even the freshman stuff) required two pretty extensive manuals: one for users and one for maintainers, as well as documentation of every module, class, and public procedure. Sometimes analysis of runtimes of functions and memory usage too. Of course any non-programming project was a technical paper. Is it not standard for engineering students to do a lot of writing? I never took anything in mechanical eng. and very little in EE outside of the CS requirements, so it could be different there though.

I wouldn't say that I had to do a lot of writing, there was enough of it to where you'd certainly hurt your GPA if you couldn't do it. Granted that was a while ago so I'm not sure what they're being taught these days. But looking at the graduates coming into the workforce today it certainly seems to me that there's not nearly the emphasis on communication, written or verbal, that I had back when I was in school. The graduates I'm seeing are great at number crunching, bad at communicating.

[Sisk]

Oh you think this is bad, I will tell you where it comes from. About two years ago, my stepdaughter told me about these assignments that her science teacher was having her class do. It was homework and he had set up a blog which conveyed each weekly assignment. They do the assignment in MS Word, then upload the document to the blog, etc. I was very excited as I thought that this was a good way to engage students in learning how to use the computer, the efficiencies involved in remote collaboration, etc. Anyway, she did her first assignment and asked me to look it over and I got on her case because she had all sorts of words without the vowels, sentence fragments, and other various errors. I told her about these errors and she got very defiant and told me it was texting language. I told her that although I know she believes that this is an actual new language that the time and place for it is with her friends if at all. I further explained that it has absolutely no place in academic writing. Then she dropped the bombshell, "my science teacher told me we could use texting language for our assignments." I actually verbally said "no, Noooooooo" not in a pissed off way, more in a completely abhorrent tone. I immediately told her I would be calling her teacher, sending him a note, and doing anything else necessary to stop that particular instruction, but that she has to fix that right away. Then she got angry and told me "its not like its even English class, it doesn't even matter in Science." That is when I realized that I would be putting my youngest in private school when she got to school age.

I am not going to say that my science teachers corrected every last grammatical error (it wasn't their discipline, and therefore they weren't experts), but I did get counted off for the errors that they did catch.

:wow

Was this in San Antonio? How pathetic.

[4>0rings]

What is texting language?

[Drachen]

:wow

was this in san antonio? How pathetic.

nisd!

[Drachen]

What is texting language?

LOL, OMG WTF this guy doesn't know TXTG language. GTFOH