Duncan Spends Free Time Trying To Get Wrongfully Incarcerated Man Off Death Row

[duncan228]

The Onion continues to love Duncan.

Tim Duncan Spends Free Time Trying To Get Wrongfully Incarcerated Man Off Death Row (http://www.theonion.com/articles/tim-duncan-spends-free-time-trying-to-get-wrongful,18366/)

MANSFIELD, OH—Spurs center Tim Duncan spent all his free time this week studying law books and building a case in an attempt to exonerate a death row inmate wrongfully incarcerated at Ohio's Mansfield Correctional Institution. "For more than 10 years, Randolph Morgan has been imprisoned for a crime he did not commit, mainly because of the testimony of an unreliable witness, one Cheryl McInerney," said Duncan, who has devoted the past three offseasons to earning a law degree at San Antonio State and in August passed the bar exam in both Texas and Ohio. "I have met with medical examiners and several forensic pathologists, and they concur that the available DNA evidence is more than sufficient to prove the innocence of my client." Duncan went on to score points against the Los Angeles Clippers Monday night before flying to Ohio to persuade the governor to issue a stay of execution for Morgan.

[Xylus]

:lmao

[Xylus]

My favorite is still the one about Duncan calling out mathematical angles whenever he shoots a bank shot.

[duncan228]

The Onion Duncan archive.


Tim Duncan Makes Citizen's Foul Call (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_makes_citizens)

Tim Duncan Calls Out Geometric Angle Needed To Make Bank Shot (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_calls_out)

Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett Get Into Argument Over Who's Taller (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/42543)

Tim Duncan Releases Decade Worth Of Pent-Up Emotion After Spurs Preseason Loss (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/54212)

Tim Duncan Staring At Wall Right Now (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_staring_at_wall?utm_source=onion_rss_da ily)

Tim Duncan Forwards Story About Particle Accelerator To Spurs Teammates (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_forwards_story?utm_source=onion_sports_ rss)

Tim Duncan Sends Belated 'Great Game' Card To Celtics For February Defeat (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_sends_belated?utm_source=onion_rss_dail y)

Tim Duncan Rooting For Cavaliers For Good Of NBA (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/tim_duncan_rooting_for_cavaliers)

Tim Duncan Delivers Heartfelt Speech On Fiscal Responsibility During Spurs Victory Celebration (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_delivers)

Tim Duncan Begins Summer Job At Apple Genius Bar (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_begins_summer)

Tim Duncan Offers To Drive NBA Players To Polling Place On Election Day (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_offers_to_drive)

Tim Duncan Offers To Do Taxes For Entire Spurs Team (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_offers_to_do)

Tim Duncan's Sincere Apology Confuses Referee Enough To Eject Him From Game (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncans_sincere_apology)

Tim Duncan Fires Up Teammates With Calm, Moderated, Three-Hour Pep Talk (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/48903)

Tim Duncan Hams It Up For Crowd By Arching Left Eyebrow Slightly (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/tim_duncan_hams_it_up_for)

Tim Duncan Sends Out 3-Month Warning To Inform Spurs Of Upcoming Season Opener (http://www.theonion.com/articles/tim-duncan-sends-out-3month-warning-to-inform-spur,18063/)

[EricB]

Tim Duncan also works on campaign for drug dealer to become DA!

Wait, that was real?

Holy shitballs!!

[DesignatedT]

lol

[spursfan09]

San Antonio State? ha

[spursfan09]

Tim Duncan also works on campaign for drug dealer to become DA!

Wait, that was real?

Holy shitballs!!

Pft! Like Tim never smoked a dubie.

[z0sa]

Tim Duncan also works on campaign for drug dealer to become DA!

Wait, that was real?

Holy shitballs!!

lol thinking he's still a drug dealer and not mentioning the other spurs supporting him.

[Seventyniner]

San Antonio State? ha

At least it's not the South Houston Institute of Technology.

[Libri]

I didn't realize Tim was so litigious.

[bigfan]

Mansfield Correctional is the abandoned prison they used for Shawshank.

[EricB]

lol thinking he's still a drug dealer and not mentioning the other spurs supporting him.


Hey how bout that.

[Nathan Explosion]

Some of those "articles" mentioned Duncan leaving the Alamodome when they were at the SBC/AT&T Center.

[mookie2001]

FAKE!

no such thing as san antonio state

[Leonard Curse]

Tim Duncan also works on campaign for drug dealer to become DA!

Wait, that was real?

Holy shitballs!!


:lmao eric you sir are a bad ass for speaking the truth i thought i was the only one in here not salavating over mr HOODLUM!!

[Russ]

This should be merged with the "Spurs Focused On Execution" thread.

http://www.spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=165221

[DespЏrado]

Ok seriously Tim Duncan at this point has to be the author of these articles.

[GSH]

At least it's not the South Houston Institute of Technology.


You laugh. The University of Houston built a campus in Clear Lake. They actually named it the Clear Lake Institute of Technology. Somebody pointed out that the acronym might be a problem, and they changed it before it had spread too far.

Edit: The setup for jokes was almost limitless:

Will their mascot be a man in a boat?

Will the student center be called the G-Spot?

They'll offer an advanced degree in women's studies.

[ShoogarBear]

they changed it before it had spread too far.



The setup for jokes was almost limitless:

No kidding.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

No kidding.

:lol

[20beastie45]

I love it!

[spurs10]

Usually The Onion is not so subtle. This could actually be true, if not for the San Antonio State business. They got me!

[spurs10]

You laugh. The University of Houston built a campus in Clear Lake. They actually named it the Clear Lake Institute of Technology. Somebody pointed out that the acronym might be a problem, and they changed it before it had spread too far.

Edit: The setup for jokes was almost limitless:

Will their mascot be a man in a boat?

Will the student center be called the G-Spot?

They'll offer an advanced degree in women's studies.
Hilarious!:lmao