Gift for the wife

[BronxCowboy]

So I'm planning on giving my old lady a vibrator as a surprise. Here's my quandary: I want to make sure that the particular model I get her a) is one that she'll really enjoy, but b) won't show me up. :eyebrows Any recommendations out there?

[Shelly]

Boy..you're a real big spender!

:lol

[MannyIsGod]

:lmao

You are a brave one posting this on here. I'm not going to start the jokes, but I'm sure they are going to come.

[Jekka]

Any vibrator that "won't show a man up" isn't worth a woman's time.

[BronxCowboy]

:lmao

You are a brave one posting this on here. I'm not going to start the jokes, but I'm sure they are going to come.

I thought you guys might have some fun with it. Feel free.

EDIT: Have fun with the topic, that is. Not the vibrator. Unless you want to.

[Kori Ellis]

SpursWoman is the expert on this (I'm not joking). She will probably have some good suggestions.

[Shelly]

And don't forget the heavy duty batteries.

Beware, though. You just might be replaced.

[MannyIsGod]

No shit, when you're not getting any a month after you give her the gift, you know why!

[BronxCowboy]

And don't forget the heavy duty batteries.

Beware, though. You just might be replaced.

That's why I put the second qualification in there. ;)

[Shelly]

Dude, all of them could show you up!

:lol

[BronxCowboy]

^As far as you'll ever know, anyway . . .
In other news, I'm assuming that means that you've spent quite a lot of time trying various toys, eh?

[Shelly]

^As far as you'll ever know, anyway . . .


:lol

dream on, cowboy.....

[MannyIsGod]

:lmao

Ok dude, WHY?

Just answer that, WHY?

[Jekka]

Dude, all of them could show you up!

:lol

:lol Yeah, unless you've figured out a way to make BronxCowboy, Jr. vibrate, you're SOL when finding a vibrator that won't show you up. I'd stock up on size C batteries if you're still getting the vibrator, my friend.

[BronxCowboy]

:lmao

Ok dude, WHY?

Just answer that, WHY?

Just having fun with you guys, c'mon.

[Shelly]

:lol Yeah, unless you've figured out a way to make BronxCowboy, Jr. vibrate, you're SOL when finding a vibrator that won't show you up. I'd stock up on size C batteries if you're still getting the vibrator, my friend.


:lmao :lmao :lmao

Men! So clueless!

[BronxCowboy]

Point taken.^

[bigzak25]

i have read that the pocket rocket aka the rabbit vibrator is good for clitoris stimulation.


use that to get her nice and ready and then you do the driving.

good luck, good shopping.



i'd stay away from the mandingo special if i was you...the kind that needs to be plugged in and will dim the lights like on the green mile.

[Spurgal]

Eva Longoria: (On giving vibrators as gifts) "It's the best gift to give: an orgasm. And if I can't do it for ya, I'll give you the tools to succeed!"

:lmao

[Useruser666]

http://www.mullerconstructionsupply.com/img/tools/too1.gif

[Spurgal]

The Rabbit

http://pics.erosboutique.com/IRabbitVibe.jpg

[Mijo]

Dude, I wouldn't invite that little vibratory bastard into the bedroom if I were you. If you're not altogether replaced at the very least you'll have to learn to incorporate the little bastard into your love making. But if you do go through with the purchase and after a few sessions she has given the vibrator a name, it is time to pack your bags. Hope I was of service. :oops

[BronxCowboy]

Just do what I did, take her to the Megaplex and let her decide. Don't worry about what she get's unless she runs straight for that Rambone dildo.
:lol Sounds like a good idea. I'm not really worried about what she gets anyway. If masturbation ever gets in the way of actual love-making, there were probably some issues there in the first place.

[Gatita]

Bad idea.

http://www.improvingsex.com/smileys/vibrator.gif

[Useruser666]

Just go get a Zuccini from HEB. If she likes it too much, don't worry. It'll spoil in a few days and your competition will be gone.

[Shelly]

The Rabbit

http://pics.erosboutique.com/IRabbitVibe.jpg


Do those double as bongs?

[BronxCowboy]

Just go get a Zuccini from HEB. If she likes it too much, don't worry. It'll spoil in a few days and your competition will be gone.

:lmao

[timvp]

:lol Yeah, unless you've figured out a way to make BronxCowboy, Jr. vibrate, you're SOL when finding a vibrator that won't show you up. I'd stock up on size C batteries if you're still getting the vibrator, my friend.

:lol

I don't think BronxCowboy knew what he was getting himself into. Dude, your washing machine can probably show you up.

No offense.

:smokin

[3rdCoast]

http://www.crazy-ass-sex-toys.com/images/rambone.jpg
Dick Rambone Dildo

What it is: A freakin' huge dildo, cast from the freakin' huge member of a porn star. 15" long, 7 7/8" around and 2 1/2" thick. Most effective if used with a ton of lube and cheesy background music.

What it does: Lets you re-enact your favorite scenes from "Caught From Behind #4".

Who uses it: Women who want to feel like they're in a porn movie. Women whose guys have dinky members.

Other uses: Keep it by your bed to knock intruders unconscious.

[3rdCoast]

Get her this.

http://www.crazy-ass-sex-toys.com/images//bigchin.jpg

The Accommodator

What it is: A rubber strap-on dildo you wear on your chin "to assist oral pleasure."

What it does: You're supposed to use it to fuck your girlfriend while you eat her out... provided she can stop laughing at you once you put it on.

Who uses it: Guys who can't get it up cuz they ran out of Viagra and have to make it up to their girlfriends by giving them face.

Other uses: At Halloween wear it on your nose for a Pinocchio costume, or just go as "Crazy Dildo Face".

[SpursWoman]

SpursWoman is the expert on this (I'm not joking). She will probably have some good suggestions.


I'll have to respond when I get home.....I can't post any of the links from here. I've the perfect thing that wouldn't (or shouldn't anyway) make any real, live man feel otherwise insignificant. He would probably really like it, too.


:eyebrows :lol

[SpursWoman]

What it does: You're supposed to use it to fuck your girlfriend while you eat her out... provided she can stop laughing at you once you put it on.


very unlikely scenario. :lol :lol

[bigzak25]

At Halloween wear it on your nose for a Pinocchio costume, or just go as "Crazy Dildo Face".



:lol

[MannyIsGod]

:lmao @ the dildo mask.

[Useruser666]

This thread is good without pictures.

[Kori Ellis]

This thread is good without pictures.

I was thinking the same thing. :lol

[iminlakerland]

Man a few years ago my mom and i were late and watching the Jay Leno show, and there was this old ass woman who was talking about sex, and she had all these dildos and vibrators on the show with her.

When that lady put that dildo mask on i nearly keeled over laughing, my mom couldnt figure out what it would be used for. Imagine having to explain that one to her! HA!

[Shelly]

Man a few years ago my mom and i were late and watching the Jay Leno show, and there was this old ass woman who was talking about sex, and she had all these dildos and vibrators on the show with her.

When that lady put that dildo mask on i nearly keeled over laughing, my mom couldnt figure out what it would be used for. Imagine having to explain that one to her! HA!

I bet that was the lady who does the Saturday Night Sex Show on Oxygen. She cracks me up!

[Kori Ellis]

Funny, true story from when I was in college ...

I had two female roommates. One was a good friend of mine and the other was this tacky bitch that I couldn't stand.

The three of us were eating dinner one night and the bitch says, "When I went home to my parent's house this weekend, my mom was all mad at me and I didn't know why. I thought that it was because she found out I USE HER VIBRATOR WHEN I'M AT HOME, but that wasn't it at all ..."

Needless to say, I was laughing for like a month.

In fact I'm still laughing :lmao

[Shelly]

:lmao

And that's just gross!

[MannyIsGod]

oh, gross. but funny :lmao

[iminlakerland]

Thats just NASTY...eww eww eww!!!!!!!

[iminlakerland]

And yes shelly i think it is her! That old lady is disturbing the first time you listen to her, then it becomes hillarious when you make your other friends watch it and see the reaction on their faces.

[Shelly]

And yes shelly i think it is her! That old lady is disturbing the first time you listen to her, then it becomes hillarious when you make your other friends watch it and see the reaction on their faces.

On her show, she uses the wooden dolls that artists use to help them draw, to demonstrate positions. It cracks me up! However, I think she should use Barbie and Ken, even though Ken is pretty light in the loafers.

Not that there's anything wrong with that :spin

[Summers]

she found out I USE HER VIBRATOR WHEN I'M AT HOME

:lmao That is disgusting.





Any vibrator that "won't show a man up" isn't worth a woman's time.

I concur.

And in closing, a vibrator will NOT replace love-making. It's just a nice little handy tool to have around once in a while. Also, it's important to note in your decision-making there is a difference between a dildo and a vibrator. A vibrator, well, vibrates. A dildo just, um.. well, it doesn't do anything. You can get little teensy vibrators for external stimulation, but I recommend going for a good sized one so that your wife can take care of business when you're not around. And, remember, most women tend to agree it's *width* not length that matters. And on a related topic... I prefer Astroglide... it's clear and not sticky and won't stain the sheets.

But I'm not an expert. :)

[SpursWoman]

See....it doesn't have to be phallic shaped at all, so there's no comparisons to be made.

:)


http://www.adameve.com/images/products/4/4287-big.jpg

[JoeChalupa]

So I'm planning on giving my old lady a vibrator as a surprise. Here's my quandary: I want to make sure that the particular model I get her a) is one that she'll really enjoy, but b) won't show me up. :eyebrows Any recommendations out there?

Just strap a duracell to your ass and get busy!!

[E20]

Do girls sperm out a type of liquid during and orgasm like guys do? Just wondering.

[iminlakerland]

^lmmfao!

[Uncle Donnie]

Do girls sperm out a type of liquid during and orgasm like guys do? Just wondering.

Only if you're lucky bro.

[3rdCoast]

Do girls sperm out a type of liquid during and orgasm like guys do? Just wondering.

You a virgin or just really small? :hat

[E20]

I'm only 16!

[3rdCoast]

So both? :depressed :hat

[E20]

I think I'm about 5 inches now. Maybe with more exercises that I got offline it can grow more.

[timvp]

Don't worry. It usually doubles between the ages 16 and 18.

[3rdCoast]

If thats true then hes gonna be the next Lexington Steele

[scott]

http://www.schatzistreasures.com/images/kongtoybig.jpg

[Summers]

I'm only 16!

You should not be reading this thread!! :lol

[BronxCowboy]

I guess I should have thought about the underage readers before starting this thread. :shootme

[Useruser666]

Isn't that a dog chew toy Scott? Hmmmmm........ :lol

[Gatita]

I guess I should have thought about the underage readers before starting this thread. :shootme

I am pretty sure he has read and seen worse stuff online. This is softcore. :lol

[Shelly]

I am pretty sure he has read and seen worse stuff online. This is softcore. :lol

:lol

No kidding!

[A Serbian Beast]

lmfao o what a thread. sorry to bring it back up, but got bored and look what i found on the last page. so howd it turn out then huh? lol