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ObiwanGinobili
05-28-2005, 02:22 PM
The Joys of Marriage

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and
be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong
finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband
Wanted" Next day she received a hundred letters. They
all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better
revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she
is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't
know, son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some
parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he
marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every
country, son."

Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what
real happiness was until I got married, and by then,
it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict
attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.


Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go
through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy
remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."

:elephant :lol :elephant :lol :elephant
Duff McCartney
05-28-2005, 04:25 PM
It's funny cause it's true.
ididnotnothat
05-28-2005, 04:31 PM
I thought my wife was smiling because she loved me when she was walking down the aisle....only to find out if was because she had given head for the last time.
BronxCowboy
05-28-2005, 04:41 PM
A husband came home to find his wife packing a suitcase. "Where are you going?" She replies "I'm moving to Las Vegas."
"Why?"
"I heard that prostitutes there get $400 for what I give you free of charge."
She goes to call a cab and then comes back to pick up her suitcase, and sees that her husband is packing his own suitcase. "What are you doing?"
"I'm moving to Vegas too."
"Why?"
"I want to see how you live on $800 a year."
Summers
05-28-2005, 04:55 PM
Well, I'll bite and be the sap that says marriage can be wonderful and a lot of fun and quite fulfilling. Oh, sure, I still have premenstrual moments when I'd like to put an icepick through my husband's eye, but for the most part, we're very happy. :)
ObiwanGinobili
05-28-2005, 05:06 PM
Well, I'll bite and be the sap that says marriage can be wonderful and a lot of fun and quite fulfilling. Oh, sure, I still have premenstrual moments when I'd like to put an icepick through my husband's eye, but for the most part, we're very happy. :)


I've been perfectly happy in my marriage too. In fact I can say there is noone on earth who I tlk with more or whose company i enjoy more than my husbands.
But I LOVE these kinds of jokes.... I don't think one is indicitive of the other.
Just like I'm a chick, and a pretty independant one at that.. but I LOVE to tell stupid nasty jokes like this one:

Why do women have legs?
so they don't leave snail marks everywhere they go.

:smokin
Kori Ellis
05-28-2005, 05:12 PM
Marriage is awesome.

But the jokes are still funny.
NameDropper
05-28-2005, 05:20 PM
Marriage is even better the second, and third, and forth....
Sincerely,
Elizabeth Taylor
timvp
05-28-2005, 05:21 PM
Marriage is awesome.

But the jokes are still funny.

Translation:


So damn true!!!!!!!!!!1111111111

:lmao X 234231231231

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
timvp
05-28-2005, 05:22 PM
Me?

I didn't get any of the jokes. Weren't funny.

:smokin
Slomo
05-28-2005, 05:29 PM
My wife laughed at all the jokes, when I read them to her.

That's how good marriage can be :)
Summers
05-28-2005, 06:14 PM
Me?

I didn't get any of the jokes. Weren't funny.

:smokin

Smooooooth!

:lol
ObiwanGinobili
05-28-2005, 07:18 PM
I'm getting married July 10th. I'm awesome.


congrats. :smokin
JoeChalupa
05-28-2005, 07:20 PM
Marriage rocks!!!
Gatita
05-28-2005, 07:55 PM
I'm getting married July 10th. I'm awesome.

I'll send flowers to your funeral. :lol July 10th is it? :)
Guru of Nothing
05-29-2005, 12:12 AM
Worst thread ever.
desflood
05-30-2005, 09:17 AM
I'm getting married July 10th. I'm awesome.
If you marry the right person, the sex actually gets better.
NameDropper
05-30-2005, 10:25 AM
If you marry the right person, the sex actually gets better.

It just happens less often which makes it feel better.
MannyIsGod
05-30-2005, 10:30 AM
I can't imageine a marriage where you have sex twice a year. WTF is that? On Christmas and July the 4th only?
NameDropper
05-30-2005, 10:37 AM
I can't imageine a marriage where you have sex twice a year. WTF is that? On Christmas and July the 4th only?

If you can imagine it, it can happen.
When you first get married you'll have "House" sex which means you'll be hitting it all over the house.
Then comes "Room" sex when you only do it in the bedroom.
The comes "Hallway" sex when all you do is say "Fuck You" to each other as you walk by.
ObiwanGinobili
05-30-2005, 10:49 AM
If you can imagine it, it can happen.
When you first get married you'll have "House" sex which means you'll be hitting it all over the house.
Then comes "Room" sex when you only do it in the bedroom.
The comes "Hallway" sex when all you do is say "Fuck You" to each other as you walk by.


OMG! thast a funny one!!! :lol


but 6 years into this thing and I'm still having the "house" brand.
Gatita
05-30-2005, 11:14 AM
If you can imagine it, it can happen.
When you first get married you'll have "House" sex which means you'll be hitting it all over the house.
Then comes "Room" sex when you only do it in the bedroom.
The comes "Hallway" sex when all you do is say "Fuck You" to each other as you walk by.

You've must have blown the dust off of that joke.

The cheese factor is high.
NameDropper
05-30-2005, 11:25 AM
You've must have blown the dust off of that joke.

The cheese factor is high.

Rumor has it not everyone has heard it before as is evident from Obiiwan's response. Laugh and let laugh.
Flea
05-30-2005, 02:07 PM
I'm getting married July 10th. I'm awesome.


Congrats!

Marriage is great. Going on 16 years. :spin
AlamoSpursFan
05-31-2005, 07:41 AM
A husband came home to find his wife packing a suitcase. "Where are you going?" She replies "I'm moving to Las Vegas."
"Why?"
"I heard that prostitutes there get $400 for what I give you free of charge."
She goes to call a cab and then comes back to pick up her suitcase, and sees that her husband is packing his own suitcase. "What are you doing?"
"I'm moving to Vegas too."
"Why?"
"I want to see how you live on $800 a year."

:lmao


I can't imageine a marriage where you have sex twice a year. WTF is that? On Christmas and July the 4th only?

Twice a year would be nice. I used to get it on my birthday and Christmas, but I don't even get that anymore.

:shootme
desflood
05-31-2005, 09:44 AM
It just happens less often which makes it feel better.
Who says it happens less often?
AlamoSpursFan
05-31-2005, 10:57 AM
Me.
desflood
05-31-2005, 10:58 AM
I seem to have the most abnormal marriage...
2Blonde
05-31-2005, 01:46 PM
I seem to have the most abnormal marriage...
Then mine is abnormal too. After almost 8 years of marriage it's even better and just as frequent, sometimes even more so. I love being married to the right person. :spin

My first marriage was 10 years of hell. Only having to have sex with him twice a year would have been a blessing.

...2blonde
Xolotl
05-31-2005, 02:36 PM
I refuse to get married. Then that way when she pisses me off I can call La Migra on her ass :P


















j/k
Jimcs50
05-31-2005, 02:56 PM
A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some
parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he
marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every
country, son."

:lol
DrRich
05-31-2005, 03:16 PM
8 years today actually!! Congrats to my wife for putting up with me that long!
ObiwanGinobili
05-31-2005, 04:00 PM
I seem to have the most abnormal marriage...


Yeah.. you, 2blonde, and me both buddy.
6 1/2 yrs and nothing to complain about .

who are these freaky people living sexless hellhole marriages???
weirdos.
desflood
05-31-2005, 04:02 PM
Yeah.. you, 2blonde, and me both buddy.
6 1/2 yrs and nothing to complain about .

who are these freaky people living sexless hellhole marriages???
weirdos.
A good sex life is supposed to be part of a healthy, happy marriage. No wonder there the divorce rate is so high, nobody's having sex anymore! :lol
bigzak25
05-31-2005, 04:04 PM
No wonder there the divorce rate is so high, nobody's having sex anymore!


sure they are, just not with each other... :lol
Ed Helicopter Jones
05-31-2005, 04:15 PM
Marriage is terrific, and something everyone should experience. I've been married for a long time, and I was just telling my girlfriend the other night how great it is.
Shelly
05-31-2005, 04:33 PM
Marriage is terrific, and something everyone should experience. I've been married for a long time, and I was just telling my girlfriend the other night how great it is.


And you also told me you were leaving your wife for me...:wtf
Ed Helicopter Jones
05-31-2005, 04:55 PM
And you also told me you were leaving your wife for me...:wtf


Umm. . .*gulp*. . .umm, what can I say. Thanks for a great time. . .




Is that my cell phone ringing?? I've gotta get that. . .



I'll call you. . .soon. . .I promise.
AlamoSpursFan
05-31-2005, 10:47 PM
sure they are, just not with each other... :lol

SplaDOW!!!!

:lmao