The Decision 2011

[monosylab1k]

Later tonight I will make The Decision.

This will be the thread where The Decision is posted.

Humble Billy Hayes will be hosting the event.

Thanks.

[rEgUlaToR!!!!!]

it will be sooooooooooo sick bro.

[Fabbs]

Later tonight I will make The Decision.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oXsSkWIUECo/SOAXppwPvYI/AAAAAAAAAhk/SpMdtTFZdmY/s400/iTunesScreenSnapz001.png
Thanks.

[lil'mo]

lol wtf

[Fabbs]

Later tonight I will make The Decision.
In the meantime I'll keep posting from a bunch of my faggy made up multitroll profiles to make it seem as if some other fags care.
http://home.planet.nl/~krist149/culkintimes/culkin/NYCT39P11.JPG
Thanks.

[The Reckoning]

oh boy!

[jjktkk]

Mavs Fan Regulating Krew

http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/1258/malibusmostwantedpuba.jpg

[monosylab1k]

LMAO just so everybody knows, this is an actual picture of Fabbs

http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/3653/398494766ythuefph.jpg

[jjktkk]

LMAO just so everybody knows, this is an actual picture of Fabbs

http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/3653/398494766ythuefph.jpg

Is your avatar you and axe murderer? :lol

[ohmwrecker]

Fabbs is a chick?

[jjktkk]

Fabbs also called Mav Krew guy. This shit gets confusing. Whos who?

[Koolaid_Man]

Later tonight I will make The Decision.

This will be the thread where The Decision is posted.

Humble Billy Hayes will be hosting the event.

Thanks.


If you need to borrow my .45 cal to off yourself just holla at a nigga...:lol

[MavDynasty]

Damn fabbs into fatasses unless fabbs IS the fatass :rollin

[awktalk]

Damn, by the title of this thread I mistakenly thought that it was a Lakers open thread, the decision being whether they have the tiebreaker with the 9th seeded Grizzlies since they're 1-2 against them this year.

[ElNono]

I thought it was news about Carmelo, tbh

[Humble Billy Hayes]

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Decision. I'll have a brief interview with monosylab1k, and then we'll get to the business at hand.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

Everybody is on pins and needles across the country, particularly those posters who are in the running for this honor.

Are you ready to go mono? Where is the powder?

[monosylab1k]

Everybody is on pins and needles across the country, particularly those posters who are in the running for this honor.

Are you ready to go mono? Where is the powder?

Left it at home.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

What's new? What's been going on with you this winter?

[monosylab1k]

What's new? What's been going on with you this winter?

Man, this whole decision experience, looking forward to it.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

What have you thought about this process?

[monosylab1k]

What have you thought about this process?

This process has been everything I've thought and more. And that's what I did a few years ago; I put myself in a position to have this process where I can poster's pitches and figure out what was the best possible chance for me to ultimately retire from SpursTalk and to ultimately be happy.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

You weren't able to be recruited because you went straight to the NBA Forum from high school. Have you enjoyed this recruiting process now?

[monosylab1k]

You weren't able to be recruited because you went straight to the NBA Forum from high school. Have you enjoyed this recruiting process now?

I have enjoyed it. And I want to thank all four posters that I had an opportunity to sit down with and hear what they had to say. And my fans, they hear what I had to say also.

It's been an unbelievable experience, a real humbling experience to be even to be in this position.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

What did you expect? Because we've seen 30 foot billboards. We've seen posters pulling all kinds of troll jobs. We've seen butthurt comments made about you and for you in part of their pitch. President Obama, for crying out loud, seven times has commented that he'd like to see you pick Venti Quattro. What did you expect from this process?

[DMC]

Later tonight I will make The Decision.

This will be the thread where The Decision is posted.

Humble Billy Hayes will be hosting the event.

Thanks.

I would also like to take this opportunity to announce that I will be taking a shit in about 35 minutes. I will post the results.

[monosylab1k]

What did you expect? Because we've seen 30 foot billboards. We've seen posters pulling all kinds of troll jobs. We've seen butthurt comments made about you and for you in part of their pitch. President Obama, for crying out loud, seven times has commented that he'd like to see you pick Venti Quattro. What did you expect from this process?

Well, certain things like that is one thing you can't control. But I expected to be able to go through this process and be able to sit down with the posters and sit across from them and hear how they feel with assuming this title, could help them troll and could ultimately help others troll.

And the process was everything I expected and more. And like I said before, I just thank all those posters that have come to the internet and us have those interviews and have that process. It was everything that I've ever expected and more.

[DMC]

has anyone ever responded to or laughed at that regulator guy ever since he started posting back around august?
:lmao @ No one responding to you...


Ok except me. Darn...

:depressed

[Humble Billy Hayes]

How many people know your decision right now?

[monosylab1k]

How many people know your decision right now?

Not many. It's a very, very small number. And I probably could count them on my fingers.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

One hand or two hands?

[monosylab1k]

One hand or two hands?

Let's say one.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

When did you decide?

[ElNono]

One hand or two hands?

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooo..... you fucking suck Billy!!! :flipoff

[monosylab1k]

When did you decide?

I think I decided this morning. I mean, I decided this morning I went day to day. I wake up one morning, it's this poster. I wake up another morning, it's this poster. And it's a process that I felt it was I may feel like this is the best opportunity for me or not the best opportunity for me.

But this morning I woke up, had a great conversation with my mom. Once I had that conversation with her, I think I was set.

[DMC]

Not many. It's a very, very small number. And I probably could count them on my fingers.
I understand that's about the only way you can count them.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

So the last time you changed your mind was yesterday?

[KapitanTutan]

a-hole

[awktalk]

I would also like to take this opportunity to announce that I will be taking a shit in about 35 minutes. I will post the results.

Please upload to ratemypoo.com (http://www.ratemypoo.com/) (site is currently down due to DDOS attack from Memphis' visitor locker room)

[monosylab1k]

So the last time you changed your mind was yesterday?

The last time I changed my mind was probably in my dreams. And when I woke up this morning I knew it was the right decision.

[DMC]

I think I decided this morning. I mean, I decided this morning I went day to day. I wake up one morning, it's this poster. I wake up another morning, it's this poster. And it's a process that I felt it was I may feel like this is the best opportunity for me or not the best opportunity for me.

But this morning I woke up, had a great conversation with my mom. Once I had that conversation with her, I think I was set.
No body fucking cares who you pass the gay torch to. Just pass it and be gone.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

So does the poster that you're picking, that you'll announce in a few minutes, do they know your decision?

[monosylab1k]

So does the poster that you're picking, that you'll announce in a few minutes, do they know your decision?

They just found out.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

They just found out?

[monosylab1k]

They just found out?

Yeah.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

So the other five, on pins and needles, they don't know; they'll be listening to this?

[monosylab1k]

So the other five, on pins and needles, they don't know; they'll be listening to this?

Right.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

Who in this process, mono, have you taken advice from and who has had the biggest influence?

[monosylab1k]

Who in this process, mono, have you taken advice from and who has had the biggest influence?

I've taken a lot of advice from my friends and family. My agent, BUMP, has been great. A lot of people that I look towards in a time of need or for advice, and ultimately they looked at me and said you ultimately have to live with your decision that you're going to make, and you have to do what's best for you, for your family and for you to ultimately be happy.

[lil'mo]

im flattered, but i dont really want the responsibility and also do not believe you have the clout to be passing or possessing said torch

[ElNono]

Is it time for a commercial break yet? I need to take a piss, tbh

[Humble Billy Hayes]

What was the major factor, the major reason in your decision?

[monosylab1k]

What was the major factor, the major reason in your decision?

I think the major factor and the major reason in my decision was the best opportunity for me to troll and to troll now and to troll into the future also.

And trolling is a huge thing for me. Billy, you know ever since I was a rookie or even in high school, we always talked, that was the number one thing for me: Help my teammates get better and just wanting to troll. And I've done some great things in my seven years, and I want to continue to do that even in retirement.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

How deep of an evaluation do you have to do to go through that to figure out tomorrow, next year and beyond, that equation, that trolling?

[manufan10]

mono talking to himself, this place hit's new lows every day :tu

:lol

[monosylab1k]

How deep of an evaluation do you have to do to go through that to figure out tomorrow, next year and beyond, that equation, that trolling?

One thing that you can't control is you never know. You never know. You want to put yourself in the position where you feel that it's the best opportunity. But saying I can revive the NBA Forum next year or saying I can do it a year after, those are things that you don't know until you go out there and actually play the troll game.

But you have to put yourself in the right position to be able to compete and also accomplish the goals that you set out for.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

Do you have any doubts about your decision?

[monosylab1k]

Do you have any doubts about your decision?

No. I don't have any doubts at all.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

Would you like to sleep on it a little longer, or are you ready to make this decision?

[monosylab1k]

Would you like to sleep on it a little longer, or are you ready to make this decision?

I've slept enough. Or the lack of sleep.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

Are you still a nail biter?

[lil'mo]

for sure, 100% that is a picture of the REAL Fabbs, the Fabbs who posts here?

[monosylab1k]

Are you still a nail biter?

I have a little bit. Not of late.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

You've had everybody else biting their nails. So I guess it's time for them to stop chewing. The answer to the question everybody wants to know: Mono, what's your decision?

[monosylab1k]

You've had everybody else biting their nails. So I guess it's time for them to stop chewing. The answer to the question everybody wants to know: Mono, what's your decision?

In this spring, this is very tough, in this spring I'm going to take my talents to South Beach and give my crown to Fpoonsie.

[ElNono]

The Decision 2011 is brought to you by...

http://i.bnet.com/blogs/nike-logo.gif

and

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.slashfood.com/media/2009/02/vitamin-water-revive.jpg

Vitamin Water: Hydrate Responsibly

[Humble Billy Hayes]

Fpoonsie? That was the conclusion you woke up with this morning?

[monosylab1k]

Fpoonsie? That was the conclusion you woke up with this morning?

That was the conclusion I woke up with this morning.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

Why?

[manufan10]

The Decision 2011 is brought to you by...

http://i.bnet.com/blogs/nike-logo.gif

and

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.slashfood.com/media/2009/02/vitamin-water-revive.jpg

Vitamin Water: Hydrate Responsibly


:rollin

[manufan10]

:repost:

[monosylab1k]

Why?

Like I said before, I feel like it's going to give me the best opportunity to troll and to troll for multiple years, and not only just to troll in the regular season or just to troll five games in a row or three games in a row, I want to be able to have the best troll successor ever. And I feel like he can compete down there.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

Was it always in your plan to go with Fpoonsie?

[monosylab1k]

Was it always in your plan to go with Fpoonsie?

Well, I mean, I'm looking forward to it. To say it was always in my plans, I can't say it was always in my plans because I never thought it was possible.

But the things that the Miami Heat franchise have done to be able to free up cap space and to be able to put themselves in a position this summer to have all three of us, it was hard to turn down. Those are two great players, two of the greatest players we have in this game today.

And, you know, you add me, we're going to be a really good team.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

The three of you will share now the spotlight and the limelight. And in many ways you're going to Dwyane Wade's team. He's been in Miami. He's won a championship. How do you think you'll be able to fit in and possibly not be the headliner all the time?

[monosylab1k]

The three of you will share now the spotlight and the limelight. And in many ways you're going to Dwyane Wade's team. He's been in Miami. He's won a championship. How do you think you'll be able to fit in and possibly not be the headliner all the time?

For me it's not about sharing. You know, it's about everybody having their own spotlight and then just doing what's best for the team.

You know, at this point D Wade, he's the unselfish guy here. To be able to have Chris Bosh and then LeBron James, to welcome us to his team, it's not about an individual here. Because if that was the case, D Wade wouldn't have asked us to join him, or we wouldn't have asked him if it was okay to come down there. It's not about individuals. It's about a team, and that's what this game is about.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

How do you explain this to the posters rooting for HarlemHeat37?

[monosylab1k]

How do you explain this to the posters rooting for HarlemHeat37?

I mean, it's heartfelt for me. You know, it's hard to explain, but at the same time my heart, in the seven years I gave to that forum, to that city, it was everything.

I mean, those 20,000 plus fans that came out every night we trolled, and they seen me grow from an 18 year old kid to a 25 year old man. And I never wanted to leave the NBA Forum. And my heart will always be around that area. But I also felt like this is the greatest challenge for me is to move on.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

What was the major reason for not picking DPG?

[monosylab1k]

What was the major reason for not picking DPG?

I don't even see it it's not like leaving the NBA Forum is the whole logistic of it; it's about joining forces with the other guy that I feel like I respect his game the most. And I feel like we have a great chance of trolling and trolling for multiple years.

Like I said before, this is a very emotional time for me. I know it's emotional for the fans and also for the area. And if it was a perfect world, I would have loved to stay, because I've done so many great things for that team, they've done so many great things for me. But I feel like it's time to change.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

What do you think will be the fans' reaction back there, and will you still live in Dallas?

[monosylab1k]

What do you think will be the fans' reaction back there, and will you still live in Dallas?

I'm not sure. You know, they can have mixed emotions, of course, but it's going to be a lot of emotions not understanding why. And then you're going to have the real friends who love me for who I am. For me being from Dallas, TX, and loving Dallas, TX, it's always home for me. I'm still going to live there, always be home. And Dallas, TX is always home for me and that area.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

Erik Spoelstra is the coach. Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh said he will be the coach. Have you been told he will be your coach, or has Pat Riley, in your meetings, indicated he might come back to the bench?

[monosylab1k]

Erik Spoelstra is the coach. Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh said he will be the coach. Have you been told he will be your coach, or has Pat Riley, in your meetings, indicated he might come back to the bench?

No. Erik Spoelstra will be the coach. And Pat said that. And Erik is a great young coach. He has a great mentor in Pat.

If you need something to bounce off of, he has a great person to go through, because Pat has been through everything, been through the highest level to the lowest level. He knows everything about it. But I respect Erik and I respect the coaching staff. I respect Coach Spoelstra and everything he's going to do to try to put us in the right position to win it all.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

Ever want to go through this again?

[monosylab1k]

Ever want to go through this again?

This is tough. This is very tough, because you feel like you've let a lot of people down. You've raised a lot of people's expectations also. But it was a tough decision, because I know how loyal I am.

And one thing my mother told me when I was going through this process and what ultimately helped me make my decision is you have to do what's best for you and what's going to make you happy at the end of the day, because no one can live with the consequences or anything that comes with your decision besides you.

And once I heard that from my mother, the person that I always look to for guidance, it was easy.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

You told me she had a major influence when you called her this morning. You didn't believe the reaction she had would be the one that you got. Could you share with us what she said to you this morning?

[monosylab1k]

You told me she had a major influence when you called her this morning. You didn't believe the reaction she had would be the one that you got. Could you share with us what she said to you this morning?

Absolutely. Like I said, when I called my mother I thought I would hear a different reaction. When she her reaction was it was a great move, because she felt it was going to ultimately make me happy. It wasn't about being in retirement. It wasn't about playing alongside Chris, playing alongside Dwyane, who she believes are two great basketball players, because she loves the game. But she felt it was going to make me happy.

When I heard that from my mother, it was like it was the relief that I was looking for throughout this whole process.

[Humble Billy Hayes]

Thanks to everybody for attending, that was The Decision 2011.

[monosylab1k]

Final standings

1. Fpoonsie
2. DPG
3. Venti Quattro
4. HarlemHeat37

[monosylab1k]

I still have to get a few of my affairs in order, and then on Friday, February 18th I will officially retire from SpursTalk.

[monosylab1k]

for sure, 100% that is a picture of the REAL Fabbs, the Fabbs who posts here?

Yes I can't give away my sources, but that's 100% for real a picture of Fabbs.

[DMC]

Flatulence

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#mw-head), search (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#p-search)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/fc/Padlock-silver.svg/20px-Padlock-silver.svg.png (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Protection_policy#semi)
Flatulence http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/75/The_Papal_Belvedere.jpg/190px-The_Papal_Belvedere.jpg (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:The_Papal_Belvedere.jpg)


German peasants greet the fire and brimstone from a papal bull of Pope Paul III (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Paul_III) in Martin Luther (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther)'s 1545 Depictions of the Papacy. http://en.wikipedia.org/w/extensions/OggHandler/play.png
http://en.wikipedia.org/w/extensions/OggHandler/info.png (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Frt755_1.ogg)

http://bits.wikimedia.org/skins-1.5/common/images/magnify-clip.png (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Frt755_1.ogg)
Audible flatulence in a human.


Flatulence is the expulsion through the rectum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectum) of a mixture of gases that are byproducts of the digestion process of mammals (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mammal) and other animals. The mixture of gases is known as flatus in medical speak, informally as a fart, or simply (in American English (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_English)) gas, and is expelled from the rectum in a process colloquially referred to as "passing gas", "breaking wind" or "farting (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart)". Flatus is brought to the rectum by the same peristaltic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peristalsis) process which causes feces to descend from the large intestine. The noises (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noise) commonly associated with flatulence are caused by the vibration (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oscillation) of the anal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anus) sphincter (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sphincter), and occasionally by the closed buttocks (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buttocks).
Contents

[hide (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#)]


1 Composition of flatus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Composition_of_flatus)
2 Physiology (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Physiology)
3 Causes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Causes)
4 Remedies (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Remedies)

4.1 Dietary (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Dietary)
4.2 Pharmacological (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Pharmacological)
4.3 Post-release (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Post-release)

5 Health effects (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Health_effects)

5.1 Toxicity (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Toxicity)

6 Society and culture (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Society_and_culture)

6.1 Environmental impact (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Environmental_impact)
6.2 Farting at will (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Farting_at_will)

7 See also (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#See_also)
8 References (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#References)

8.1 Bibliography (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Bibliography)
8.2 Notes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#Notes)

9 External links (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#External_links)

Composition of flatus

Nitrogen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nitrogen), the main constituent of air (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air), is the primary gas (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gas) released during flatulence, along with carbon dioxide (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbon_dioxide), which is present in higher quantities in those who drink carbonated beverages (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbonated_beverages) regularly. The lesser component gases methane (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methane) and hydrogen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrogen) are flammable (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flammable), and so flatus containing adequate amounts of these can be ignited (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart_lighting). However, not all humans produce flatus that contains methane. For example, in one study of the feces (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feces) of nine adults, only five of the samples contained archaea (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archaea) capable of producing methane.[1] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-0) Similar results are found in samples of gas obtained from within the rectum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectum).
The gas released during a flatus event frequently has an unpleasant odor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unpleasant_odor). For many years, this was thought to be due to skatole (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skatole) and indole (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indole), which are byproducts of the digestion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digestion) of meat (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meat). However, gas chromatography (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gas_chromatography) testing in 1984 revealed that sulfur (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sulfur)-containing compounds, such as methanethiol (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methanethiol), hydrogen sulfide (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrogen_sulfide) (rotten egg smell) and dimethyl sulfide (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dimethyl_sulfide), were also[2] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-1) responsible for the smell.[3] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-2)
The incidence of odoriferous compounds in flatulence emissions increases from herbivores (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbivores), such as cattle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cattle), through omnivores (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omnivores) to carnivorous (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnivorous) species (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Species), such as cats (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat).[citation needed (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Citation_needed)] Such odor can also be caused by the presence of large numbers of microflora bacteria (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bacteria) and/or the presence of feces in the rectum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectum).
The major components of the flatus, which are odorless, by percentage are:[4] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-3)


Nitrogen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nitrogen): 20–90%
Hydrogen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrogen): 0–50%
Carbon dioxide (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbon_dioxide): 10–30%
Oxygen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxygen): 0–10%
Methane (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methane): 0–10%

Physiology

Flatus is brought to the rectum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectum) by the same process which causes feces (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feces) to descend from the large intestine (see peristaltic movement (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peristalsis)), and may cause a similar feeling of urgency and discomfort. Researchers investigating the role of sensory nerve endings in the anal canal did not find them to be essential for retaining fluids in the anus, and instead speculate that their role may be to distinguish between flatus and feces, thereby helping detect a need to defecate or to signal the end of defecation.[5] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-4)
The sound varies depending on the tightness of the sphincter muscle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscle) and velocity (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Velocity) of the gas (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gas) being propelled, as well as other factors, such as water and body fat. The auditory pitch (sound) of the flatulence outburst can also be affected by the anal embouchure (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Embouchure). Among humans, flatulence occasionally happens accidentally, such as incidentally to coughing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cough) or sneezing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sneezing) or during orgasm (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orgasm); on other occasions, flatulence can be voluntarily elicited by tensing the rectum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectum) or "bearing down" on stomach or bowel muscles and subsequently relaxing the anal sphincter, resulting in the expulsion of flatus.
Causes

Intestinal gas is composed of varying quantities of exogenous sources (air that is ingested through the nose and mouth) and endogenous sources (gas produced within the digestive tract). The exogenous gases are swallowed (aerophagia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aerophagia)) when eating or drinking or increased swallowing during times of excessive salivation (as might occur when nauseated or as the result of gastroesophageal reflux (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastroesophageal_reflux) disease). The endogenous (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endogenous) gases are produced either as a by-product of digesting certain types of food, or of incomplete digestion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digestion). Anything that causes food to be incompletely digested by the stomach (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stomach) and/or small intestine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Small_intestine) may cause flatulence when the material arrives in the large intestine, due to fermentation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fermentation_%28biochemistry%29) by yeast (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yeast) or prokaryotes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prokaryotes) normally or abnormally present in the gastrointestinal tract (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastrointestinal_tract).
Flatulence-producing foods are typically high in certain polysaccharides (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polysaccharide), (especially oligosaccharides (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oligosaccharides) such as inulin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inulin)). Those foods include beans (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bean), lentils (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lentil), dairy products (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dairy_product), onions (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onion), garlic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garlic), scallions (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scallion), leeks (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leek), turnips (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turnip), rutabagas (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rutabagas), radishes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radish), sweet potatoes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweet_potato), potatoes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potatoes), cashews (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cashew), Jerusalem artichokes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerusalem_artichoke), oats (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oat), wheat (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wheat), and yeast (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yeast) in breads (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread). Cauliflower (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cauliflower), broccoli (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broccoli), cabbage (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabbage), Brussels sprouts (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brussels_sprouts) and other cruciferous vegetables (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cruciferous_vegetables) that belong to the genus Brassica (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brassica) are commonly reputed to not only increase flatulence, but to increase the pungency of the flatus.
In beans, endogenous gases seem to arise from complex oligosaccharides (carbohydrates (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbohydrate)) that are particularly resistant to digestion by mammals, but which are readily digestible by gut flora (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gut_flora) – microorganisms (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microorganisms) (methane-producing archaea; Methanobrevibacter smithii (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methanobrevibacter_smithii)) that inhabit the digestive tract (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digestive_tract). These oligosaccharides pass through the upper intestine largely unchanged, and when they reach the lower intestine, bacteria (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bacteria) feed on them, producing copious amounts of flatus.[6] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-McGee-5)
In the case of people who have lactose intolerance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactose_intolerance), intestinal bacteria feeding on lactose can give rise to excessive gas production when milk (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milk) or lactose-containing substances have been consumed.
Interest in the causes of flatulence was spurred by high-altitude flight (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flight) and the space program (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_program); the low atmospheric pressure (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atmospheric_pressure), confined conditions, and stresses peculiar to those endeavours were cause for concern.[6] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-McGee-5) In the field of mountaineering, high altitude flatus expulsion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_altitude_flatus_expulsion) was first noticed over two hundred years ago.
Some infections, such as giardiasis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giardiasis), are also associated with flatulence.[7] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-6)
Remedies

Dietary

Certain spices (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spice) have been reported to counteract the production of intestinal gas, most notably the closely related cumin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cumin), coriander (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coriander), caraway (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caraway) and others such as ajwain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ajwain), turmeric (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turmeric), asafoetida (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asafoetida) (Hing), epazote (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epazote), and kombu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kombu) kelp (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kelp) (a Japanese seaweed (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seaweed)). Most starches, including potatoes, corn, noodles, and wheat, produce gas as they are broken down in the large intestine. Rice is the only starch that does not cause gas.[8] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-7) The amount of water-soluble oligosaccharide (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oligosaccharide) in beans that may contribute to production of intestinal gas is reputed to be reduced by a long period of soaking followed by boiling, but at a cost of also leaching out other water-soluble nutrients.[citation needed (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Citation_needed)] Also, intestinal gas can be reduced by fermenting the beans, and making them less gas-inducing, and/or by cooking them in the liquor from a previous batch. Some legumes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legume) also stand up to prolonged cooking, which can help break down the oligosaccharides into simple sugars. On the other hand, fermented bean products such as miso (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miso) are less likely to produce as much intestinal gas. Fermentative lactic acid bacteria such as Lactobacillus casei (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactobacillus_casei) and Lactobacillus plantarum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactobacillus_plantarum) reduce flatulence in human intestinal tract.[9] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-8)
Probiotics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Probiotic) (live yogurt (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yogurt), kefir (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kefir), etc.) are reputed to reduce flatulence when used to restore balance to the normal intestinal flora (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intestinal_flora).[10] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-9) Live (bioactive) yogurt contains, among other lactic bacteria, Lactobacillus acidophilus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactobacillus_acidophilus) which may be useful in reducing flatulence. L. acidophilus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactobacillus_acidophilus) may make the intestinal environmnent more acidic, supporting a natural balance of the fermentative processes. L. acidophilus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactobacillus_acidophilus) is available in supplements (some believe non-dairy is best). Prebiotics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prebiotics), which generally are non-digestible oligosaccharides, such as fructooligosaccharide (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fructooligosaccharide), generally increase flatulence in a similar way as described for lactose intolerance.
Medicinal activated charcoal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Activated_carbon) tablets have also been reported as effective in reducing both odor and quantity of flatus when taken immediately before food that is likely to cause flatulence later.
Pharmacological

Digestive enzyme (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digestive_enzyme) supplements may significantly reduce the amount of flatulence caused by some components of foods not being digested by the body and thereby promoting the action of microbes in the small and large intestines (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intestines). It has been suggested that alpha-galactosidase (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha-galactosidase) enzymes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enzymes), which can digest certain complex sugars, are effective in reducing the volume and frequency of flatus.[11] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-10) The enzymes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enzymes) alpha-galactosidase (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha-galactosidase), lactase (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactase), amylase (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amylase), lipase (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lipase), protease (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Protease), cellulase (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cellulase), glucoamylase (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amylase#.CE.B3-Amylase), invertase (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invertase), malt diastase (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diastase), pectinase (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pectinase), and bromelain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bromelain) are available, either individually or in combination blends, in commercial products.
The antibiotic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antibiotic) rifaximin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rifaximin), often used to treat diarrhea (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diarrhea) caused by the microorganism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microorganism) E. coli (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E._coli), may reduce both the production of intestinal gas and the frequency of flatus events.[12] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-11)
While not affecting the production of the gases themselves, surfactants (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surfactants) (agents which lower surface tension (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surface_tension)) can reduce the disagreeable sensations associated with flatulence, by aiding the dissolution of the gases into liquid and solid fecal matter. [13] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-brecevic-12) Preparations containing simethicone (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simethicone) reportedly operate by promoting the coalescence of smaller bubbles into larger ones more easily passed from the body, either by burping (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burp) or flatulence. Such preparations do not decrease the total amount of gas generated in or passed from the colon, but make the bubbles larger and thereby allowing them to be passed more easily.[13] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-brecevic-12)
Often it may be helpful to ingest small quantities of acidic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acid) liquids with meals, such as lemon juice (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lemon_juice) or vinegar (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vinegar), to stimulate the production of gastric (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric) hydrochloric acid (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrochloric_acid). In turn, acid ingestion may increase normal gastric enzyme (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric_enzyme) and acid production, facilitating normal digestion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digestion) and perhaps limiting intestinal gas production. Ingestion of bromelain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bromelain)- or papain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papain)-containing supplements (such as raw pineapple (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pineapple) or papaya (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papaya), respectively,) may be helpful.[citation needed (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Citation_needed)]
Odor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Odor) from flatulence, caused by the intestinal bacteria called microflora in the bowel, can be treated by taking bismuth subgallate (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bismuth_subgallate), available over-the-counter as Devrom. Bismuth subgallate is commonly used by individuals who have had ostomy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ostomy) surgery, bariatric surgery (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bariatric_surgery), fecal incontinence (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_incontinence) and irritable bowel syndrome (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irritable_bowel_syndrome).[14] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-13)[15] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-14)
Post-release

In 1998, Chester "Buck" Weimer of Pueblo, Colorado (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pueblo,_Colorado) received a patent for the first undergarment (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Undergarment) that contained a replaceable charcoal filter (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Activated_carbon). The undergarments are air-tight (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermetic_seal) and provide a pocketed escape hole (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Path_of_least_resistance) in which a charcoal filter can be inserted.[16] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-weimer-15) In 2001 Mr Weimer received the Ig Nobel Prize (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ig_Nobel_Prize) for Biology for his invention.[17] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-16)
A similar product was released in 2002, but rather than an entire undergarment, consumers are able to purchase an insert similar to a pantiliner (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantiliner) that contains activated charcoal.[18] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-17) The inventors, Myra and Brian Conant of Mililani, Hawaii (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mililani,_Hawaii) still claim on their website to have discovered the undergarment product in 2002 (eight years after Chester Weimer filed for a patent for his product), but state that their tests "concluded" that they should release an insert instead.[19] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-18)
Health effects

As a normal body function, the action of flatulence is an important signal of bowel (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowel) activity, and hence is often documented by nursing staff following surgical or other treatment of patients. However, symptoms of excessive flatulence can indicate the presence of irritable bowel syndrome (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irritable_bowel_syndrome) or some other organic disease (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disease). In particular, the sudden occurrence of excessive flatulence together with the onset of new symptoms provide reason for seeking further medical examination.
Flatulence is not poisonous (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poisonous); it is a natural component of various intestinal contents. However, discomfort may develop from the build-up of gas pressure if an attempt is made to refrain from releasing them. In theory, pathological distension of the bowel, leading to constipation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constipation), could result if a person holds in flatulence.
Not all flatus is released from the body via the anus. When the partial pressure (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Partial_pressure) of any gas component of the intestinal lumen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lumen_%28anatomy%29) is higher than its partial pressure in the blood (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood), that component enters into the bloodstream of the intestinal wall by the process of diffusion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diffusion). As the blood passes through the lungs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lungs), this gas can diffuse back out of the blood and be exhaled. If a person holds in flatus during daytime, it will often be released during sleep involuntarily when the body is relaxed. Some flatus can become trapped within the feces during its compaction and will exit the body, still contained within the fecal matter, during the process of defecation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defecation).
Toxicity

Most component have low or no toxicity with the exception of Carbon dioxide (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbon_dioxide) which "At about 8% it causes headache, sweating, dim vision, tremor and loss of consciousness after exposure for between five and ten minutes." and flatulence can contain up to 30% of it but only for a very short period (few seconds) ; also to consider is diffusion which is linked to proximity and inhalation quantity.
Society and culture

In many cultures (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture), human flatulence in public is regarded as embarrassing but, depending on context, can also be considered humorous. People will often strain to hold in the passing of gas when in polite company, or position themselves to conceal the noise and scent. In other cultures[examples needed (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Please_clarify)], it may be no more embarrassing than coughing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cough).
While the act of passing flatus in said cultures is generally considered to be an unfortunate occurrence in public settings, flatulence may, in casual circumstances and especially among children, be used as either a humorous supplement to a joke ("pull my finger (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pull_my_finger)"), or as a comic activity in and of itself. The social acceptability of flatulence-based humor in entertainment and the mass media varies over the course of time and between cultures. The humourous insult "I fart in your general direction" from the comedy film Monty Python and the Holy Grail (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monty_Python_and_the_Holy_Grail) has been reprinted on several posters, t-shirts, and hats.
In 2008, a farting application for the iPhone (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IPhone) raked in nearly $10,000 in one day.[20] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-19) There are 6 different farting applications for the Palm Pre.
Environmental impact

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/69/Friesian-Holstein.jpg/220px-Friesian-Holstein.jpg (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Friesian-Holstein.jpg) http://bits.wikimedia.org/skins-1.5/common/images/magnify-clip.png (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Friesian-Holstein.jpg)
The flatulence of cows (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cattle) is only a small portion of cows' methane release. Cows also burp (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belching) methane, due to the physiology of their digestive systems.


Flatulence is often blamed as a significant source of greenhouse gases (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greenhouse_gas), owing to the erroneous belief that the methane released by livestock (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Livestock) is in the flatus.[21] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-20) While livestock account for around 20% of global methane (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methane) emissions,[22] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-21) 90–95% of that is released by exhaling (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breath) or burping (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burping).[23] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-22) Only 1–2% of global methane emissions come from livestock flatus.
Since New Zealand (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Zealand) produces large amounts of agricultural product it is in the unique position of having high methane emissions from livestock compared to other greenhouse gas sources. The New Zealand government is a signatory to the Kyoto Protocol (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyoto_Protocol) and therefore attempts are being made to reduce greenhouse emissions. To achieve this an agricultural emissions research levy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agricultural_emissions_research_levy) was proposed, which promptly became known as a "fart tax" or "flatulence tax". It encountered opposition from farmers, farming lobby groups and opposition politicians.
In Fresno, California (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fresno,_California), a system to harvest methane by-product from dairy cattle and convert it to usable bio-gas is being used, in a partnership with Pacific Gas & Electric (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacific_Gas_%26_Electric) (PG&E) and BioEnergy Solutions, in which BioEnergy Solutions sells the methane harvested from cows to PG&E, who then converts the methane to usable bio-gas, which is very similar to natural gas.[24] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-23)
In June 2009 Paul McCartney (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_McCartney) and other celebrities launched a "Meat Free Monday" campaign in order to reduce greenhouse gas emissions from the world's livestock.[25] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-24)
Farting at will

Main article: Flatulist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulist)
Historical comment on the ability to fart at will is observed as early as St. Augustine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Augustine_of_Hippo)'s The City of God (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/City_of_God_%28book%29) (5th century AD). Augustine mentions men who "have such command of their bowels, that they can break wind continuously at will, so as to produce the effect of singing." The fact that mankind in general has lost this ability he attributes to the first sin of Adam and Eve (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam_and_Eve) and its consequences with respect to body control.[26] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_note-25) Intentional passing of gas and its use as entertainment for others appears to have been somewhat well-known in pre-modern Europe, according to mentions of it in medieval and later literature, including Rabelais.
Le Pétomane (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane) ("The Fartiste") was a famous French performer in the 19th century who, as well as many professional farters (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulist) before him, did flatulence impressions and held shows. The performer Mr. Methane (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Methane) carries on Le Pétomane's tradition today. Also, a 2002 film Thunderpants (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thunderpants) revolves around a boy named Patrick Smash who has an ongoing flatulence problem since he was a newborn baby. He eventually overcame his problems and fulfilled his dreams including being an astronaut (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Astronaut).
See also



Antiflatulent (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antiflatulent)
Flatulence humor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence_humor)
Borborygmus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borborygmus)
Vaginal flatulence (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginal_flatulence)
The Gas We Pass (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gas_We_Pass)
Fart lighting (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart_lighting)
Le Petomane (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_Petomane)

References

Bibliography



Allen, V. (2007) On Farting: Language and Laughter in the Middle Ages. Palgrave MacMillan. ISBN 978-0-312-23493-5 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/9780312234935).
Bolin, T.D. & Stanton, R. (1997). Wind Breaks. Allen & Unwin. ISBN (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Standard_Book_Number) 9781864483215 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/9781864483215).
Dawson, Jim (1999). Who Cut the Cheese?: A Cultural History of the Fart. Ten Speed Press. ISBN (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Standard_Book_Number) 1-58008-011-1 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/1-58008-011-1).
Dawson, Jim (2006). Blame it on the Dog: A Modern History of the Fart. Ten Speed Press. ISBN (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Standard_Book_Number) 1-58008-751-5 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/1-58008-751-5).
Franklin, Benjamin (2003). Japikse, Carl. ed. Fart Proudly ((Reprint) ed.). Frog Ltd/Blue Snake. ISBN (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Standard_Book_Number) 1-58394-079-0 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/1-58394-079-0).
Persels, J. & Ganim, R. (2004) Fecal Matters in Early Modern Literature and Art: Studies in Scatology. (Chap. 1: The Honorable Art of Farting in Continental Renaissance). ISBN 0754641163 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0754641163)
von Schmausen, D. (2002). Official Rules, New World Odor International Freestyle Farting Championship. LULU. ISBN (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Standard_Book_Number) 978-1-4357-0919-5 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/978-1-4357-0919-5).

Notes



^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-0) Miller TL; Wolin MJ, de Macario EC, Macario AJ (1982). "Isolation of Methanobrevibacter smithii from human faeces" (http://aem.asm.org/cgi/pmidlookup?view=long&pmid=6798932). Appl Environ Microbiol 43 (1): 227–32. PMID (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PubMed_Identifier) 6798932 (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/6798932). PMC (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PubMed_Central) 241804 (http://www.pubmedcentral.gov/articlerender.fcgi?tool=pmcentrez&artid=241804). http://aem.asm.org/cgi/pmidlookup?view=long&pmid=6798932.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-1) http://www.emedicinehealth.com/flatulence_gas/article_em.htm
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-2) Gilbert, Avery (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avery_Gilbert) (2008). "The Molecules That Matter". What the Nose Knows. Crown Publishers. p. 28. ISBN (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Standard_Book_Number) 9781400082346 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/9781400082346).
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-3) "Human Digestive System" (http://www.britannica.com/eb/article-45361/human-digestive-system#294193.hook). Encyclopedia Britannica. http://www.britannica.com/eb/article-45361/human-digestive-system#294193.hook. Retrieved 2007-08-22.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-4) Read, M. G.; Read, N. W. (1982). "Role of anorectal sensation in preserving continence" (http://gut.bmj.com/cgi/pmidlookup?view=long&pmid=7076012). Gut 23 (4): 345–7. doi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digital_object_identifier):10.1136/gut.23.4.345 (http://dx.doi.org/10.1136%2Fgut.23.4.345). PMID (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PubMed_Identifier) 7076012 (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7076012). PMC (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PubMed_Central) 1419736 (http://www.pubmedcentral.gov/articlerender.fcgi?tool=pmcentrez&artid=1419736). http://gut.bmj.com/cgi/pmidlookup?view=long&pmid=7076012.
^ a (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-McGee_5-0) b (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-McGee_5-1) McGee, Harold (1984). On Food and Cooking (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_Food_and_Cooking). Scribner. pp. 257–8. ISBN (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Standard_Book_Number) 0-684-84328-5 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0-684-84328-5).
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-6) http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2272232/?page=3
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-7) Gas in the Digestive Tract (http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/gas/index.htm) a publication of National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse, part of the US National Institute of Health
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-8) "Study shows secret to gas-free beans" (http://web.archive.org/web/20060502110835/http://reuters.myway.com/article/20060426/2006-04-26T170153Z_01_N25328545_RTRIDST_0_ODD-BEANS-DC-DC.html). 2006-04-26. Archived from the original (http://reuters.myway.com/article/20060426/2006-04-26T170153Z_01_N25328545_RTRIDST_0_ODD-BEANS-DC-DC.html) on 2006-05-02. http://web.archive.org/web/20060502110835/http://reuters.myway.com/article/20060426/2006-04-26T170153Z_01_N25328545_RTRIDST_0_ODD-BEANS-DC-DC.html. Retrieved 2007-09-10.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-9) Rubin J. and J. Brasco, Restoring Your Digestive Health (2003).
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-10) Ganiats TG; Norcross WA, Halverson AL, Burford PA, Palinkas LA (1994). "Does Beano prevent gas? A double-blind crossover study of oral alpha-galactosidase to treat dietary oligosaccharide intolerance". J Fam Pract 39 (5): 441–5. PMID (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PubMed_Identifier) 7964541 (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7964541).
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-11) Di Stefano M; Strocchi A, Malservisi S, Veneto G, Ferrieri A, Corazza GR (2000). "Non-absorbable antibiotics for managing intestinal gas production and gas-related symptoms" (http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/openurl?genre=article&sid=nlm:pubmed&issn=0269-2813&date=2000&volume=14&issue=8&spage=1001). Aliment Pharmacol Ther 14 (8): 1001–8. doi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digital_object_identifier):10.1046/j.1365-2036.2000.00808.x (http://dx.doi.org/10.1046%2Fj.1365-2036.2000.00808.x). PMID (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PubMed_Identifier) 10930893 (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10930893). http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/openurl?genre=article&sid=nlm:pubmed&issn=0269-2813&date=2000&volume=14&issue=8&spage=1001.
^ a (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-brecevic_12-0) b (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-brecevic_12-1) Brecević L, Bosan-Kilibarda I, Strajnar F (1994). "Mechanism of antifoaming action of simethicone". J Appl Toxicol 14 (3): 207–11. doi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digital_object_identifier):10.1002/jat.2550140311 (http://dx.doi.org/10.1002%2Fjat.2550140311). PMID (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PubMed_Identifier) 8083482 (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8083482).
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-13) Turnbull G (2005). "The Ostomy Files:The Issue of Oral Medications and a Fecal Ostomy". Ostomy/Wound Management 51: 14–16.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-14) "Colostomy Guide" (http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_6x_Colostomy.asp). 2006-01-04. http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_6x_Colostomy.asp. Retrieved 2007-09-10.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-weimer_15-0) Weimer, Chester (1997-01-14). "Protective underwear with malodorous flatus filter" (http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?TERM1=5593398&u=/netahtml/srchnum.htm&Sect1=PTO1&Sect2=HITOFF&p=1&r=0&l=50&f=S&d=PALL). http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?TERM1=5593398&u=/netahtml/srchnum.htm&Sect1=PTO1&Sect2=HITOFF&p=1&r=0&l=50&f=S&d=PALL. Retrieved 2007-07-27.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-16) "The 2001 Ig Nobel Prize Winners" (http://www.improb.com/ig/ig-pastwinners.html#ig2001). http://www.improb.com/ig/ig-pastwinners.html#ig2001. Retrieved 22 June 2010.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-17) Conant, Brian J.; Myra M. Conant (2001-11-06). "Flatulence deodorizer" (http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?TERM1=6313371&u=/netahtml/srchnum.htm&Sect1=PTO1&Sect2=HITOFF&p=1&r=0&l=50&f=S&d=PALL). http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?TERM1=6313371&u=/netahtml/srchnum.htm&Sect1=PTO1&Sect2=HITOFF&p=1&r=0&l=50&f=S&d=PALL. Retrieved 2007-09-10.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-18) "Flat-D Innovations Inc.: About the American Inventor" (http://www.flat-d.com/american-inventor.html). http://www.flat-d.com/american-inventor.html. Retrieved 2007-09-10.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-19) Chen, Brian X. (December 24, 2008). "iPhone Fart App Rakes in $10,000 a Day" (http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2008/12/iphone-fart-app/). Wired News (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wired_News). http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2008/12/iphone-fart-app/.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-20) ABC Southern Queensland: "Could skippy stop cows farting and end global warming?" (http://www.abc.net.au/southqld/stories/s1560903.htm?backyard) Friday, 3 February 2006. Example of error. Although the article doesn't specify whether the methane is released by flatulence or eructation, it appears the headline-writer assumes it's through flatulence.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-21) Nowak, Rachel (September 24, 2004). "Burp vaccine cuts greenhouse gas" (http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn6431). New Scientist. http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn6431.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-22) "Bovine belching called udderly serious gas problem—Global warming concerns spur effort to cut methane." (http://www.mycattle.com/health/dsp_health_article.cfm?storyid=10045) By Gary Polakovic. Los Angeles Times, Sunday, July 13, 2003.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-23) "California converting cow dung into biogas." (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/main.jhtml?xml=/earth/2008/03/05/eadung105.xml) By Catherine Elsworth. Telegraph Media Group Limited, Friday, May 30, 2008.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-24) "Sir Paul McCartney calls for meat-free Mondays to combat climate change — Telegraph" (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/celebritynews/5538648/Sir-Paul-McCartney-calls-for-meat-free-Mondays-to-combat-climate-change.html). The Daily Telegraph (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Daily_Telegraph). 15 June 2009. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/celebritynews/5538648/Sir-Paul-McCartney-calls-for-meat-free-Mondays-to-combat-climate-change.html. Retrieved 16 June 2009.
^ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#cite_ref-25) The City of God Against the Pagans, ed and trans Philip Levine, Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1966, XIV.24



External links

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f8/Wiktionary-logo-en.svg/37px-Wiktionary-logo-en.svg.png Look up flatus (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/flatus) or flatulence (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/flatulence) in Wiktionary (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wiktionary), the free dictionary. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/4a/Commons-logo.svg/30px-Commons-logo.svg.png Wikimedia Commons has media related to: Flatulence (http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Flatulence) http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/4c/Wikisource-logo.svg/38px-Wikisource-logo.svg.png Wikisource (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikisource) has original text related to this article: A cure for flatulence from 1872 (http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Harper%27s_New_Monthly_Magazine/Vol._XLIV/No._261/February_1872/Editor%27s_Scientific_Record/Cure_of_Flatulence)


The Farting Survey (fartsurvey.com) (http://www.fartsurvey.com/) - a comprehensive, worldwide survey about farts and farting.
The Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy, Gas (http://www.merck.com/mmpe/sec02/ch008/ch008d.html)
Facts on Farts (http://www.heptune.com/farts.html)
Dictionary of Fart Slang (http://www.sillyjokes.co.uk/fart_machine/fart_slang.html)
The Great Fart Survey (simple statistical analysis of flatulence in youths) produced by Australian Broadcasting Corporation youth website, Rollercoaster) (http://abc.net.au/spark/smelly/fartsurvey/default.htm)
Flatulence Treatment (http://www.successful-diet-cabbage-soup.com/flatulence-treatment.html)
CNN - Farmers let rip on flatulence tax (http://edition.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/asiapcf/auspac/06/19/newzealand.gastax/)
The world's interactive fart community (http://www.farthub.com/)
Airline to charge for farting (http://www.listentothepeople.co.uk/soapbox/560-ryanair-to-charge-for-farting.html)



[hide (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence#)]
v (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Digestive_system_and_abdomen_symptoms_and _signs) · d (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template_talk:Digestive_system_and_abdomen_symptom s_and_signs) · e (http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Template:Digestive_system_and_abdo men_symptoms_and_signs&action=edit)Symptoms (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symptom) and signs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_sign): digestive system (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digestive_system) and abdomen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_abdomen) (R10–R19 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ICD-10_Chapter_R#.28R10.E2.80.93R19.29_Digestive_syste m_and_abdomen), 787,789 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ICD-9_codes_780%E2%80%93799:_symptoms,_signs,_and_ill-defined_conditions))
GI tract (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_gastrointestinal_tract) Upper GI tract (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upper_alimentary_tract#Upper_gastrointestinal_trac t)
Nausea (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nausea)/Vomiting (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vomiting) · Heartburn (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heartburn) · Dysphagia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysphagia) (Oropharyngeal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oropharyngeal_dysphagia), Esophageal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esophageal_dysphagia))
Halitosis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halitosis)

Lower GI tract (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_gastrointestinal_tract#Lower_gastrointestina l_tract)
gas: Flatulence · Abdominal distension (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdominal_distension) · Bloating (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloating) · Belching (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belching) · Tympanites (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tympanites)
stool (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feces): Fecal incontinence (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_incontinence) (Encopresis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Encopresis)) · Rectal tenesmus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectal_tenesmus)
blood (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastrointestinal_bleeding): Fecal occult blood (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_occult_blood)
Diarrhea (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diarrhea)
Football sign (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Football_sign)


Accessory (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Accessory_digestive_gland) Hepatosplenomegaly (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hepatosplenomegaly)/Hepatomegaly (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hepatomegaly)
Jaundice (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaundice)

Abdominopelvic cavity Ascites (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ascites)

Abdominal – general Abdominal pain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdominal_pain) (Acute abdomen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acute_abdomen), Colic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colic), Baby colic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_colic))
Splenomegaly (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splenomegaly)
Abdominal guarding (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdominal_guarding) · Abdominal mass (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdominal_mass) · Rebound tenderness (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rebound_tenderness)
Shifting dullness (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shifting_dullness) · Bulging flanks (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulging_flanks) · Puddle sign (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puddle_sign)


M (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Medicine_navs): DIG (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digestive_system)

anat(t (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Digestive_tract), g (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Accessory_digestive_glands), p (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Abdominopelvic_cavity))/phys (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Gastrointestinal_physiology)/devp (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Development_of_digestive_system)/cell (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Human_cell_types_derived_primarily_from_e ndoderm)/enzy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Digestive_enzymes)

noco (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Digestive_system_diseases)/cong (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Congenital_malformations_and_deformations _of_digestive_system)/tumr (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Digestive_system_neoplasia), sysi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Digestive_system_and_abdomen_symptoms_and _signs)/epon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Eponymous_medical_signs_for_digestive_sys tem_and_general_abdominal_signs)

proc (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Digestive_system_procedures), drug (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ATC_code_A)(A2A (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Antacids)/2B (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Drugs_for_peptic_ulcer_and_GORD)/3 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Drugs_for_functional_gastrointestinal_dis orders)/4 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Antiemetics)/5 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Bile_and_liver_therapy)/6 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Laxatives)/7 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Antidiarrheals,_intestinal_anti-inflammatory/anti-infective_agents)/14 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Anabolic_steroids)/16 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Other_alimentary_tract_and_metabolism_pro ducts)), blte (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Clinical_biochemistry_blood_tests)


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[monosylab1k]

i nominate DMC as the BOSS, this guy gets it

what do you say we shit all over this poorly endowed mav fan?

lolololol remember just a few hours ago when you were begging me to help you regulate The Reckoning cuz he was owning you so bad :lmao :lmao :lmao

"please help me gang up on him :cry"

[DMC]

i nominate DMC as the BOSS, this guy gets it

what do you say we shit all over this poorly endowed mav fan?

It's probably got shit on itself already...

IT PUTS THE LOTION ON IT'S SKIN...

[badfish22]

lol mono retiring

[ElNono]

Dear SpursTalk, All Of NBA Forum Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a NBA Forum Poster.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown SpursTalk have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT SPURSTALK WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER 'BOSS' WINS ONE"

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to SpursTalk, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on SpursTalk.

The self-declared former "Boss" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by the NBA Forum and SpursTalk, Mono (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, SpursTalk.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....

Kori Ellis
Majority Owner
SpursTalk

[monosylab1k]

Dear SpursTalk, All Of NBA Forum Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a NBA Forum Poster.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown SpursTalk have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT SPURSTALK WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER 'BOSS' WINS ONE"

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to SpursTalk, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on SpursTalk.

The self-declared former "Boss" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by the NBA Forum and SpursTalk, Mono (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, SpursTalk.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....

Kori Ellis
Majority Owner
SpursTalk


:lol

[awktalk]

I barely knew Christine when she turned up at my door at around eight o'clock on the night of Halloween. We'd met for the first and only time three months earlier when my two roommates and I signed the lease on our apartment: Christine's aunt owned the place we were moving into, and she happened to be up from Delaware visiting at the time. But we'd only spent about five minutes together that day and we hadn't spoken much, and I hadn't thought of her since.

Yet here she was standing outside my door with a friend. And both of them were pretty tipsy.

She asked if she and her friend could come inside our apartment to change into their costumes. She couldn't change at her aunt's place, she said, because she was sleeping and she didn't want to wake her up. Would we mind if she used our bathroom instead?

It was a pretty strange request. Sure, weird stuff happens on Halloween, but I barely knew her, and it isn't every day that someone shows up at your front door and asks to change into their ladybug costume. But I told her it was fine and she was welcome to use our place to get ready.

It didn't take long before the two women—who'd clearly been drinking—were sitting on my couch, beers in hand, trying to convince my roommate and me to join them for a night on the town. Christine was in the holiday spirit dressed in her ladybug outfit. Her friend, who had a female pirate costume on, was much more quiet and reserved. She barely spoke all night.

It was a Wednesday evening, and my roommate and I hadn't been planning to go out. We both had to get up pretty early the next morning for work. But Christine was insistent that we join them, and she wasn't taking no for an answer. "Come on, guys! Let's go! Just throw something on!" she said.

The costume that I wore for the Halloween a year before—a boy scout's uniform that belonged to a friend—was still sitting in my closet. So that made it easy. But my roommate had no idea what to put on.

Christine immediately came up with an idea. She pointed to a cardboard box in the kitchen—the kind that 12-packs of Coca-Cola come in—and told him to cut a hole in the middle and put it on top of his head. We weren't sure what she was suggesting.

"You can go as a cokehead!" she said, bursting into laughter.

With our costume situation sorted out, we headed to South Street, where lots of bars in Philadelphia are located. Half an hour later, the four of us were seated at a table and knocking back beers.

It really didn't take very long for Christine to make her move. She'd grabbed my hand on the way from the apartment to South Street, so I can't say I was totally surprised when she leaned in to kiss me soon after we arrived at the bar.

I could tell when we first met that Christine was older than me. I was 25, and although I never asked her age, I'd have guessed she was in her early 30s. It was only recently that I found out her real age and learned she was in her late 30s when we hooked up. There's a 14-year gap between us, but she looks good for her age. I don't think I'd heard the word "cougar" yet at that point, but that's probably what I'd call her.

Aggressive is another word I'd use to describe her. At the bar, she confessed to me that her aunt really hadn't been sleeping. She hadn't even gone to her apartment to check, she said. She had remembered me from our five-minute meeting the previous summer, and used the story about her aunt as an excuse to knock on my door. She'd set her sights on me from the beginning.

Christine was pretty intense, and she was pretty outspoken that night, but we didn't talk politics much. Her aunt had told me that Christine ran for Senate a year earlier and had lost, so I knew a bit about her background. But the most political she got that night was when she said she attended lots of events in Washington that attracted congressmen and senators. "It would be nice to have a good-looking young man to attend those with me," she added.

Full size
We'd probably knocked back five Heinekens when Christine leaned over and whispered in my ear that she wanted to go back to my place. Before we could go, though, she told me to ask her friend if she'd mind if I drove Christine home later that evening. That was odd. I guess Christine didn't want to come across as a slut in her friend's eyes for going home with me, so she wanted me to bring it up her friend first.

I did what I was told and asked her friend if she had any objection to me hanging out with Christine a little longer provided I took her home later on in the evening. She didn't, and a few minutes after that, we were all headed back to my apartment. Christine's friend got in her car and went home. My roommate went to his bedroom and went to sleep. And Christine and I got cozy on the couch and popped open another beer.

Things got physical on the couch pretty quickly. It wasn't long before we'd moved from the living room to my bed.

I won't get into the nitty gritty details of what happened between the sheets that evening. But I will say that it wasn't half as exciting as I'd been hoping it would be. Christine was a decent kisser, but as soon as soon as her clothes came off and she was naked in my bed, Christine informed me that she was a virgin.

"You've got to be kidding," I said. She didn't explain at the time that she was a "born-again virgin." She made it seem like she'd never had sex in her life, which seemed pretty improbable for a woman her age. And she made it clear that she was planning on staying a virgin that night. But there were signs that she wasn't very experienced sexually. When her underwear came off, I immediately noticed that the waxing trend had completely passed her by.

Full size
Obviously, that was a big turnoff, and I quickly lost interest. I said goodnight, rolled over, and went to sleep. It was almost four o'clock in the morning. I had to get up at 6:30 to go to work.

Christine wasn't in the best of shape when my alarm clock went off three hours later. I was hungover and exhausted and we'd both had about the same amount to drink, so I'm guessing she was feeling even worse. I got up and started to get dressed and told Christine she'd need to get up, too. But she clearly didn't want to budge, and even after I'd reminded her a few times, she was still under the covers. Did she think I was going to leave for work and let her sleep in my bed?

When she finally did get up and dressed and we got in the car, Christine couldn't remember exactly where her friend lived. We circled around for about 20 minutes before we found it, and I dropped her off in the parking lot next to her car, as she asked me to. We said goodbye and exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. But there wasn't a whole lot of back and forth. I didn't even try to give her a kiss goodbye.

I wasn't planning on contacting Christine after our night together. Things hadn't gone so great—especially the part that took place in my bedroom—and I didn't see any reason to try and see her again. But two or three days later, she emailed me to ask me if I wanted to hang out again. I made an excuse. But she didn't take a hint and emailed or called a few more times over the next couple of weeks before I was forced to make it clear to her that I wasn't interested.

Full size
Things worked out for the best, though. A few weeks later, Christine started dating my roommate. They went out for over a year, and it was a little awkward the first few times Christine came over to visit him at our apartment and we all had to make conversation in the living room. But that passed pretty quickly. And in case you're wondering, he never had sex with her either, as far as I know.

When I heard several months ago that Christine had decided to run again, I didn't take it very seriously. And I never expected in a million years that she'd end up winning the primary. But she did, and the morning after the election, I sat in disbelief as I watched the news on TV. For a second, I thought I might be hearing things and I went over to my computer and pulled up CNN.com to check if it was true. It was.

God, I hope the same thing doesn't happen next week.

[ohmwrecker]

If I was the boss, I would try to troll by myself. When you're the boss, you shouldn't try to piggyback.

[jjktkk]

Billy Hayes should of asked mono if this was a forced retirement, rather than him being banned on another sports fan forum, maybe Kori was being kind to mono and letting him "retire".

[DMC]

I barely knew Christine when she turned up at my door at around eight o'clock on the night of Halloween. We'd met for the first and only time three months earlier when my two roommates and I signed the lease on our apartment: Christine's aunt owned the place we were moving into, and she happened to be up from Delaware visiting at the time. But we'd only spent about five minutes together that day and we hadn't spoken much, and I hadn't thought of her since.

Yet here she was standing outside my door with a friend. And both of them were pretty tipsy.

She asked if she and her friend could come inside our apartment to change into their costumes. She couldn't change at her aunt's place, she said, because she was sleeping and she didn't want to wake her up. Would we mind if she used our bathroom instead?

It was a pretty strange request. Sure, weird stuff happens on Halloween, but I barely knew her, and it isn't every day that someone shows up at your front door and asks to change into their ladybug costume. But I told her it was fine and she was welcome to use our place to get ready.

It didn't take long before the two women—who'd clearly been drinking—were sitting on my couch, beers in hand, trying to convince my roommate and me to join them for a night on the town. Christine was in the holiday spirit dressed in her ladybug outfit. Her friend, who had a female pirate costume on, was much more quiet and reserved. She barely spoke all night.

It was a Wednesday evening, and my roommate and I hadn't been planning to go out. We both had to get up pretty early the next morning for work. But Christine was insistent that we join them, and she wasn't taking no for an answer. "Come on, guys! Let's go! Just throw something on!" she said.

The costume that I wore for the Halloween a year before—a boy scout's uniform that belonged to a friend—was still sitting in my closet. So that made it easy. But my roommate had no idea what to put on.

Christine immediately came up with an idea. She pointed to a cardboard box in the kitchen—the kind that 12-packs of Coca-Cola come in—and told him to cut a hole in the middle and put it on top of his head. We weren't sure what she was suggesting.

"You can go as a cokehead!" she said, bursting into laughter.

With our costume situation sorted out, we headed to South Street, where lots of bars in Philadelphia are located. Half an hour later, the four of us were seated at a table and knocking back beers.

It really didn't take very long for Christine to make her move. She'd grabbed my hand on the way from the apartment to South Street, so I can't say I was totally surprised when she leaned in to kiss me soon after we arrived at the bar.

I could tell when we first met that Christine was older than me. I was 25, and although I never asked her age, I'd have guessed she was in her early 30s. It was only recently that I found out her real age and learned she was in her late 30s when we hooked up. There's a 14-year gap between us, but she looks good for her age. I don't think I'd heard the word "cougar" yet at that point, but that's probably what I'd call her.

Aggressive is another word I'd use to describe her. At the bar, she confessed to me that her aunt really hadn't been sleeping. She hadn't even gone to her apartment to check, she said. She had remembered me from our five-minute meeting the previous summer, and used the story about her aunt as an excuse to knock on my door. She'd set her sights on me from the beginning.

Christine was pretty intense, and she was pretty outspoken that night, but we didn't talk politics much. Her aunt had told me that Christine ran for Senate a year earlier and had lost, so I knew a bit about her background. But the most political she got that night was when she said she attended lots of events in Washington that attracted congressmen and senators. "It would be nice to have a good-looking young man to attend those with me," she added.

Full size
We'd probably knocked back five Heinekens when Christine leaned over and whispered in my ear that she wanted to go back to my place. Before we could go, though, she told me to ask her friend if she'd mind if I drove Christine home later that evening. That was odd. I guess Christine didn't want to come across as a slut in her friend's eyes for going home with me, so she wanted me to bring it up her friend first.

I did what I was told and asked her friend if she had any objection to me hanging out with Christine a little longer provided I took her home later on in the evening. She didn't, and a few minutes after that, we were all headed back to my apartment. Christine's friend got in her car and went home. My roommate went to his bedroom and went to sleep. And Christine and I got cozy on the couch and popped open another beer.

Things got physical on the couch pretty quickly. It wasn't long before we'd moved from the living room to my bed.

I won't get into the nitty gritty details of what happened between the sheets that evening. But I will say that it wasn't half as exciting as I'd been hoping it would be. Christine was a decent kisser, but as soon as soon as her clothes came off and she was naked in my bed, Christine informed me that she was a virgin.

"You've got to be kidding," I said. She didn't explain at the time that she was a "born-again virgin." She made it seem like she'd never had sex in her life, which seemed pretty improbable for a woman her age. And she made it clear that she was planning on staying a virgin that night. But there were signs that she wasn't very experienced sexually. When her underwear came off, I immediately noticed that the waxing trend had completely passed her by.

Full size
Obviously, that was a big turnoff, and I quickly lost interest. I said goodnight, rolled over, and went to sleep. It was almost four o'clock in the morning. I had to get up at 6:30 to go to work.

Christine wasn't in the best of shape when my alarm clock went off three hours later. I was hungover and exhausted and we'd both had about the same amount to drink, so I'm guessing she was feeling even worse. I got up and started to get dressed and told Christine she'd need to get up, too. But she clearly didn't want to budge, and even after I'd reminded her a few times, she was still under the covers. Did she think I was going to leave for work and let her sleep in my bed?

When she finally did get up and dressed and we got in the car, Christine couldn't remember exactly where her friend lived. We circled around for about 20 minutes before we found it, and I dropped her off in the parking lot next to her car, as she asked me to. We said goodbye and exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. But there wasn't a whole lot of back and forth. I didn't even try to give her a kiss goodbye.

I wasn't planning on contacting Christine after our night together. Things hadn't gone so great—especially the part that took place in my bedroom—and I didn't see any reason to try and see her again. But two or three days later, she emailed me to ask me if I wanted to hang out again. I made an excuse. But she didn't take a hint and emailed or called a few more times over the next couple of weeks before I was forced to make it clear to her that I wasn't interested.

Full size
Things worked out for the best, though. A few weeks later, Christine started dating my roommate. They went out for over a year, and it was a little awkward the first few times Christine came over to visit him at our apartment and we all had to make conversation in the living room. But that passed pretty quickly. And in case you're wondering, he never had sex with her either, as far as I know.

When I heard several months ago that Christine had decided to run again, I didn't take it very seriously. And I never expected in a million years that she'd end up winning the primary. But she did, and the morning after the election, I sat in disbelief as I watched the news on TV. For a second, I thought I might be hearing things and I went over to my computer and pulled up CNN.com to check if it was true. It was.

God, I hope the same thing doesn't happen next week.

Dude, how did your friend date a chick for a year without fucking her? Was buckwheat just too goddamned thick?

[DPG21920]

The Real, My Open Letter to SpursTalk:

Dear SpursTalk, All Of Texas and SpursTalk supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, a current hero, who grew up in the very forum that he deserted this evening, is no longer a SpursTalk regular.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a multi-thread special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of internetting and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us, especially myself as I was one of the people stung hardest by this decision.

The good news is that the ownership of this forum and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Spurs Forum have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, I will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal. I was the hero this forum needed; the one it deserved.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE FORUM UPSTAIRS WILL BE THE HOME OF MANY MORE SPURSTALK MEDAL CHAMPIONS OVER THE SELF-TITLED FORMER 'BOSS'"

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought I was motivated before tonight to bring the glory back to SpursTalk, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "BOSS" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on The NBA Forum.

The self-declared former "BOSS" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by SpursTalk and The NBA Forum, Mono/Fpoon (and the forums where they post) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, SpursTalk.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the quality basketball takes you have long deserved and is long overdue....

DPG

Mod

SpursTalk

[badfish22]

eh, it was funnier the first time imho

[HarlemHeat37]

I thought it was funny, DP..

Badfish doesn't have a sense of humor..

[DPG21920]

I know, I didn't see the other one, but then it was to late, so I just added the words "the real".

This is EXACTLY why I didn't win.

[DPG21920]

Badfish scoffs everything. Everything. He's crobsessed with me.

[badfish22]

Just a simple observation. It would have been the GOODS if you posted it before ElNono, but alas.....

[HarlemHeat37]

Ya, he's one of those message board elitists, IMO..

[badfish22]

I hand out the goods when they are due. Harlem used to deliver them before he got that gd Award and got power hungry imho.

[DPG21920]

Don't lie 'ADF, it's personal with me.

[badfish22]

Its never personal. Repeats get scoffedPERIOD

[Fpoonsie]

Wow...[looks at torch]...alright, so I'm not winning NBA Forum MOD. [chuckle]

That's the funny thing about getting the troll torch passed, this will always be, sort of, synonymous with your name from here on in. It'll be "The Protege: Fpoonsie"..."Sexiest Troll Alive 2007"...

I don't know how you compare troll jobs. You look at the performances this year, uh...of these trolls...and, uh...unless we all used the same troll -- quick, everybody start tonguing Lebron's asshole -- we'll all try that. Unless we all used the same troll, I don't how you compare. They are STELLAR attempts and wonderful work and I'm honored, truly honored, to be sitting here.

And, finally, I would say that, uh, we are, a little bit, out of touch on, on ST, every once in a while, I think. It's prolly a good thing. We're the ones who...talk about kw having AIDS, when it was just being whispered. And we made fun of cobbler's inability to feel his penis when it wasn't really popular. And we, uh, ya know...we, we bring up subjects. We are the ones...this, THIS Forum, this group of posters gave Kool his thread-starting privileges back even when he was busy servicing well-hung blacks in the backs of theaters.

I'm proud to be a part of this NBA Forum. Proud to be a part of SpursTalk. Proud to be out of touch. And I thank you, so much, for this...

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

With mono gone, the NBA Forum's value will dramatically plummet, imo.

[HarlemHeat37]

:lol Mono will be back..everybody comes back..

[monosylab1k]

:lol Mono will be back..everybody comes back..

:lol not this time. the date of my retirement is set and there's no going back now.

[HarlemHeat37]

:lol not this time. the date of my retirement is set and there's no going back now.

What's the date?..

[monosylab1k]

It was hidden between m>s/TC biting my troll schtick while hiding in his car.


I still have to get a few of my affairs in order, and then on Friday, February 18th I will officially retire from SpursTalk.

[Fpoonsie]

Seriously, though, this was kinda fun and all, but you can't actually LEAVE leave...