InTheCrust
04-09-2011, 05:04 PM
I generally tend to think Simmons is a bona fide idiot, but he can occasionally churn out Page 2 gold.
NBA Power Poll: The contenders (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/110408&sportCat=nba)
Here's an excerpt:
FATALLY FLAWED
10. Dallas Mavericks
If players were forced to argue their own MVP cases, here's what I would write for Dirk to say (add your own German hip-hop accent):
"Um, have you ever watched us? We were playing three-on-five offensively in crunch-time when Caron Butler was healthy. In every close game, we run every play for me. No, really. Watch us some time. According to 82games.com, I'm the league's best clutch scorer: in crunch-time, I make 49.5 percent of my field goals, get to the line more than anyone else and make 89 percent of my free throws. I have chunks of Kobe's crunch-time prowess in my stool. And that's playing with Tyson Chandler and Shawn Marion (who couldn't create shots for themselves if they were posting up Yi Jianlian's old chair from the 2007 draft) and Jason Kidd, who's only been decomposing since the All-Star Break. When I got injured in December, we went 2-8 while I was out, then 1-2 as I eased my way back into shape. We're 50-15 when I'm healthy even though Jason Terry is my second-best teammate -- he'd be the fifth-best Bull, fifth-best Celtic, sixth-best Laker and the fifth-best Blazer (a team that we're playing in Round 1).
"I thought for sure we'd make a deadline deal to help me. We didn't have much to trade because everyone on our team is between two and 12 years past his prime except Roddy Beaubois. Our front office decided Roddy was untradeable, which sounded good on paper when he was injured, but then he came back and started playing, and now it's just plain awkward. So far he's looked like either a poor man's Tony Parker or a homeless man's Tony Parker. The Dallas employee who decided Roddy was untradeable must have been the same guy who guaranteed those 1,400 temporary seats would be done for Super Bowl XLV. To be honest, I have no idea how we ended up with a 3-seed. We're going to lose in Round 1 or Round 2. Crap. Anyway, um ... vote for Dirk for MVP!"
NBA Power Poll: The contenders (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/110408&sportCat=nba)
Here's an excerpt:
FATALLY FLAWED
10. Dallas Mavericks
If players were forced to argue their own MVP cases, here's what I would write for Dirk to say (add your own German hip-hop accent):
"Um, have you ever watched us? We were playing three-on-five offensively in crunch-time when Caron Butler was healthy. In every close game, we run every play for me. No, really. Watch us some time. According to 82games.com, I'm the league's best clutch scorer: in crunch-time, I make 49.5 percent of my field goals, get to the line more than anyone else and make 89 percent of my free throws. I have chunks of Kobe's crunch-time prowess in my stool. And that's playing with Tyson Chandler and Shawn Marion (who couldn't create shots for themselves if they were posting up Yi Jianlian's old chair from the 2007 draft) and Jason Kidd, who's only been decomposing since the All-Star Break. When I got injured in December, we went 2-8 while I was out, then 1-2 as I eased my way back into shape. We're 50-15 when I'm healthy even though Jason Terry is my second-best teammate -- he'd be the fifth-best Bull, fifth-best Celtic, sixth-best Laker and the fifth-best Blazer (a team that we're playing in Round 1).
"I thought for sure we'd make a deadline deal to help me. We didn't have much to trade because everyone on our team is between two and 12 years past his prime except Roddy Beaubois. Our front office decided Roddy was untradeable, which sounded good on paper when he was injured, but then he came back and started playing, and now it's just plain awkward. So far he's looked like either a poor man's Tony Parker or a homeless man's Tony Parker. The Dallas employee who decided Roddy was untradeable must have been the same guy who guaranteed those 1,400 temporary seats would be done for Super Bowl XLV. To be honest, I have no idea how we ended up with a 3-seed. We're going to lose in Round 1 or Round 2. Crap. Anyway, um ... vote for Dirk for MVP!"