Kori Ellis
06-07-2005, 10:08 PM
http://slamonline.com/links/06062005/
The Links by Lang Whitaker
And then there were two. That's right, everyone's done and gone, leaving us just San Antonio and Detroit. Before the season, I picked Detroit to win it all (over Minnesota). Before the Playoffs, I picked San Antonio to win it all (over Miami). So I guess I'm covered either way. But since I picked San Antonio and said I meant it, I mean it. I'm rolling with Tim, Manu, Tony and Pop.
But how did Detroit get there? Well, they had to go through Miami last night. And I took notes throughout Game Seven...
-- As the pregame begins, I check my email and get my fifth email asking why I insist on calling probable number one pick Andrew Bogut "Ashlee." I don't know if people in Australia know who Ashlee Simpson is, but she's a manufactured pop star here in the States who I believe looks a little like Mr. Bogut...
-- I should also admit that I am openly cheering for Miami to win this game. Not because I hate the Pistons or anything, but because it looks like SLAM associate editor Khalid Salaam and I will be hitting the road to the Eastern Conference champion's home arena for Games Three, Four and Five of the the Finals. And if it's between Detroit and Miami, nothing against all you Michiganders, but I kinda like Miami. And I've got family there.
-- Isn't it funny how TNT gets the big games? Last year TNT had the Western Conference Finals, and then they had to swap with ESPN, and now they get the big Game Seven. It's almost like ESPN can't get a break.
-- Craig Sager tells us that Dwyane Wade's rib injury is like a hockey injury and Shaq's thigh bruise is like a football injury. Anyone else miss the good old sprained ankle?
-- I'm posting the pregame odds at 3-to-1 that the first time Wade drives to the basket, someone on the Pistons gives him a really hard foul. Heck, I would. I'd even tell the guy guarding him to let him go past and make him drive to the rim, just to see how healthy that rib really is.
-- I wish they had to remove a rib from Wade so we could call him "Adam."
-- Standing around ominously on the Heat sideline is ESPN's Stephen A. Smith.
-- Magic Johnson's headset microphone is cocked up over his left eye. It's like even his own microphone is trying to escape from his commentary.
-- When they do a promo for a Nokia video phone, the following exchange occurs...
CHARLES BARKLEY: I just got one of those.
ERNIE JOHNSON: Did you really?
BARKLEY: They gave me one. (pause) I asked for it, though.
I also love how Barkley gets himself all ready to rip somebody, but then catches himself and stops to say how much he likes them before he rips them.
-- I flipped over to the Braves game during a commercial break before flipping back, and I swear I saw a commercial with Michael Jordan and Matthew Perry wearing underwear and playing pool. I need a nap.
-- Just before tip-off we met the refs. Dick Bavetta is in the house, which I expected. Joey Crawford's also up in here, up in here. Eddie F. Rush is the sidekick, the third wheel. I don't think they even give him a whistle.
-- I should point out that I'm taking notes one-handed because of my dog, Starbury, who won't leave me alone. She wants to be petted, and since wifey's not home, she will badger me and badger me until I pet her. Since I always keep notes longhand, I can write with my right hand and pet with my left. At one point I stop petting to turn to a new page, and Starbury gets up, comes over and sits down directly on top of the notebook. She is not a game.
-- Damon "Basketball" Jones dribbles backwards more than anyone else in the NBA.
-- Rasheed Wallace sets some awesome picks. It helps that Heat are trying to go through Sheed rather than around him.
-- Shaq's playing like Neon early on. Wade is still hobbled. Miami's up 11-9.
-- Detroit keeps killing Miami with their picks and spacing. If I was Ron Jeremy, I'd throw a zone at them and make them hit from the outside. I don't know why NBA coaches don't play zones more often.
-- Miami assistant Keith Askins looks like he demands to be called Brother Askins.
-- We're about six minutes in and Rasheed's headband is already off. It's over.
-- Someone emailed me and asked why Dwyane Wade isn't signed with a bigger shoe company. In a way, he is, though: Wade is with Converse, which is owned by Nike. So he's a big fish in a small pond within a big pond, if that makes sense.
-- Miami pulls their starters toward the end of the first quarter and Detroit's starters go on a run. If I'm Ron Jeremy, my starters go 48 minutes tonight.
-- Whenever Marv Albert and Steve Kerr start joking around or talking about anything other than the game, Doug Collins breaks in and gets right back to some arcane, technical basketball point. Imagine being his son, former Dookie Cris Collins, and sitting around the dinner table...
CRIS: Dad, today at school I got an A on a pop quiz, and I...
DOUG: (interrupting) When Rip Hamilton comes off a screen, his footwork is just gorgeous. Rip is a runner, you see, and he's able to...
-- One of Alonzo Mourning's kidney's didn't come with his original body, and he's still in better shape than I am.
-- With 5:05 left in the first half, Miami trails by 9. Not looking good for the Heat. Or me.
-- Marv casually mentions that this is Elden Campbell's 15th year in the NBA. I casually feel old right now.
-- Celeb watch: Clarence Clemons (dressed like a pirate), Jamie Foxx (in a trucker hat), Dan Marino, Randy Moss and Ricky Williams. Oh, wait...that was Serena Williams.
-- Joey Crawford is bravely rocking the totally shaved head. He ought to become the first ref to wear a headband.
-- Miami closes at the half, Detroit extends the lead, and then Eddie Jones drills a halfcourt jumper to bring the score to Detroit 45, Miami 40. Funny, because we were talking yesterday and Sam pointed out there haven't really been any buzzer beaters in the playoffs.
-- Whenever Magic Johnson starts talking, I get really nervous.
-- I've mentioned this before, but I really hate it when they show the announcers at courtside at halftime or postgame, and instead of being able to see the crowd behind them, there's a crazy backdrop of some sort. I know the crowd can be distracting, waving and stuff, but can't they turn the monitors off on the table so the crowd doesn't know they're on TV? I hate the backdrops, because they make you think the announcers aren't at the game. I like being at the game. I want to be at the game. This year TNT has introduced a space-age backdrop that makes the announcers seem like they're floating out in the galaxy. Not a good look.
-- I should've known that Kyra Sedgwick was going off to star in some new TV show -- TNT's overwhelmingly promoted "The Closer" -- because I used to see her and her husband, Kevin Bacon, around my neighborhood all the time. While I haven't seen her in a minute, I literally see Kevin Bacon almost every day; I used the ATM next to him at the bank a few days ago. Now I know why Kyra's been m.i.a.
This reminds me of my favorite Kevin Bacon story: One night I was walking Starbury when I saw Bacon coming the other way with his dog, a big retriever or something. The dogs stopped and sniffed each other and he and I nodded to each other and stood there quietly. As we parted, there was a homeless guy at the corner begging for cash, and Bacon must've stiffed him, because the homeless guy started screaming, "Hey, it's Kevin Bacon! Look everyone, it's Kevin Bacon!" Everyone within hearing distance stopped to look, as Bacon took off across the street.
-- With 8:33 to go in the third, Detroit leads 49-44. I write in my notebook: "The only they lose this game is if they self-destruct."
-- Detroit is working Billups in the post against Damon Jones, over and over, just killing the Heat. As much as I dislike Larry Brown and the way he's handled this whole coaching thing, I respect his gangsta.
-- If I was a referee and Tayshaun Prince was angry about something, I'd keep doing things to bait him and make him angrier just to see his crazy facial expressions.
-- Oh look, Dwyane Wade is back. He returns to his former self for about five minutes and pushes Miami to a 60-58 lead.
-- While speaking about Wade, Doug Collins says that Michael Jordan told him, "You don't judge a thoroughbred with a clock, you judge him in a race." Of course it was a gambling analogy.
-- Sheed goes to the bench with foul trouble and slips on a gray Pistons t-shirt that has a big "36" written on it with magic marker. Awesome.
-- The third quarter ends with Miami up 66-64, meaning they outscored Detroit 22-15 in the third. Most importantly, they started chasing Rip around the picks instead of trying to going through Sheed.
-- Coming back from a commercial and going into the fourth, TNT plays a snippet of Michael McDonald's "Sweet Freedom." Really. Welcome to 1988!
-- The Heat get called for two fouls within the first 19 seconds of the fourth quarter.
-- Three fouls in 24 seconds.
-- 4 fouls in 52 seconds. Somewhere, David Stern is in a darkened room with a buzzer, electrocuting Dick Bavetta everytime he wants another foul called on Miami.
-- Meanwhile, Keyon Dooling is auditioning for the And 1 Mixtape Tour. He's dribbling all over, throwing up crazy shots (and not hitting rim)...I don't know what's going on here. Detroit takes control.
-- Love how whenever Sheed gets upset about something, the crowd starts roaring, trying to goad him into a technical.
-- Shaq catches the ball in the post and bends forward. He looks like he may topple over, but while holding the ball with both hands, he touches the ball to the floor to regain his balance, forming a momentary tripod. He then stands and begins dribbling. Doug Collins flips out and immediately starts saying that it should be a double-dribble violation. Steve Kerr half-heartedly disagrees, but Collins is adamant. This gets me curious, because I don't think it's a violation. How can it be a dribbling violation if the ball never left your hands? Isn't that what a dribble is? if the ball is on the floor and you reach down and pick it up, you can dribble after that, right? But Collins acts as if he knows the rule backwards and forwards. So, I hop online and look up the double-dribble rules:
Section III-Dribble
a. A player shall not run with the ball without dribbling it.
b. A player in control of a dribble who steps on or outside a boundary line, even though not touching the ball while on or outside that boundary line, shall not be allowed to return inbounds and continue his dribble. He may not even be the first player to touch the ball after he has re-established a position inbounds.
c. A player may not dribble a second time after he has voluntarily ended his first dribble.
d. A player may dribble a second time if he lost control of the ball because of:
(1) A field goal attempt at his basket, provided the ball touches the backboard or basket ring
(2) An opponent touching the ball
(3) A pass or fumble which has then touched another player
PENALTY: Loss of ball. Ball is awarded to the opposing team at the sideline nearest the spot of the violation but no nearer the baseline than the foul line extended.
No mention there. I still think I'm right.
-- Detroit's up 74-68 with 7:04 to go.
-- Billups goes to the post again, and Shaq comes down to double-team him. Never thought I'd see that.
-- There have been very few fast breaks in this game.
-- Collins mentions that Larry Brown hates to force mismatches. So why is he going to the Billups/Jones thing over and over? Does he not like doing that? I'm really confused.
-- Whoa! Ben Wallace just tomahawked on someone. We never really see it again, though.
-- Shaq hits two free throws to tie the game at 76. Minutes left.
-- Detroit gets ahead 80-79, and Sheed gets a huge rebound and put-back.
-- The Heat need a steal, so Shaq mugs Tayshaun Prince and nobody calls anything and the Heat get the ball back.
-- Throughout the second half, each time they come back from a commercial break, the broadcast shows a wide shot of Miami's glittering, beautiful harbor. Dammit. They're just teasing me at this point.
-- The Heat are down three and Basketball Jones goes to the line and misses a crucial free throw, pretty much putting the game out of reach.
-- Game over. Detroit wins, 88-82. Deeeee-troit, here I come. Now, is there anything else to do around there?
The Links by Lang Whitaker
And then there were two. That's right, everyone's done and gone, leaving us just San Antonio and Detroit. Before the season, I picked Detroit to win it all (over Minnesota). Before the Playoffs, I picked San Antonio to win it all (over Miami). So I guess I'm covered either way. But since I picked San Antonio and said I meant it, I mean it. I'm rolling with Tim, Manu, Tony and Pop.
But how did Detroit get there? Well, they had to go through Miami last night. And I took notes throughout Game Seven...
-- As the pregame begins, I check my email and get my fifth email asking why I insist on calling probable number one pick Andrew Bogut "Ashlee." I don't know if people in Australia know who Ashlee Simpson is, but she's a manufactured pop star here in the States who I believe looks a little like Mr. Bogut...
-- I should also admit that I am openly cheering for Miami to win this game. Not because I hate the Pistons or anything, but because it looks like SLAM associate editor Khalid Salaam and I will be hitting the road to the Eastern Conference champion's home arena for Games Three, Four and Five of the the Finals. And if it's between Detroit and Miami, nothing against all you Michiganders, but I kinda like Miami. And I've got family there.
-- Isn't it funny how TNT gets the big games? Last year TNT had the Western Conference Finals, and then they had to swap with ESPN, and now they get the big Game Seven. It's almost like ESPN can't get a break.
-- Craig Sager tells us that Dwyane Wade's rib injury is like a hockey injury and Shaq's thigh bruise is like a football injury. Anyone else miss the good old sprained ankle?
-- I'm posting the pregame odds at 3-to-1 that the first time Wade drives to the basket, someone on the Pistons gives him a really hard foul. Heck, I would. I'd even tell the guy guarding him to let him go past and make him drive to the rim, just to see how healthy that rib really is.
-- I wish they had to remove a rib from Wade so we could call him "Adam."
-- Standing around ominously on the Heat sideline is ESPN's Stephen A. Smith.
-- Magic Johnson's headset microphone is cocked up over his left eye. It's like even his own microphone is trying to escape from his commentary.
-- When they do a promo for a Nokia video phone, the following exchange occurs...
CHARLES BARKLEY: I just got one of those.
ERNIE JOHNSON: Did you really?
BARKLEY: They gave me one. (pause) I asked for it, though.
I also love how Barkley gets himself all ready to rip somebody, but then catches himself and stops to say how much he likes them before he rips them.
-- I flipped over to the Braves game during a commercial break before flipping back, and I swear I saw a commercial with Michael Jordan and Matthew Perry wearing underwear and playing pool. I need a nap.
-- Just before tip-off we met the refs. Dick Bavetta is in the house, which I expected. Joey Crawford's also up in here, up in here. Eddie F. Rush is the sidekick, the third wheel. I don't think they even give him a whistle.
-- I should point out that I'm taking notes one-handed because of my dog, Starbury, who won't leave me alone. She wants to be petted, and since wifey's not home, she will badger me and badger me until I pet her. Since I always keep notes longhand, I can write with my right hand and pet with my left. At one point I stop petting to turn to a new page, and Starbury gets up, comes over and sits down directly on top of the notebook. She is not a game.
-- Damon "Basketball" Jones dribbles backwards more than anyone else in the NBA.
-- Rasheed Wallace sets some awesome picks. It helps that Heat are trying to go through Sheed rather than around him.
-- Shaq's playing like Neon early on. Wade is still hobbled. Miami's up 11-9.
-- Detroit keeps killing Miami with their picks and spacing. If I was Ron Jeremy, I'd throw a zone at them and make them hit from the outside. I don't know why NBA coaches don't play zones more often.
-- Miami assistant Keith Askins looks like he demands to be called Brother Askins.
-- We're about six minutes in and Rasheed's headband is already off. It's over.
-- Someone emailed me and asked why Dwyane Wade isn't signed with a bigger shoe company. In a way, he is, though: Wade is with Converse, which is owned by Nike. So he's a big fish in a small pond within a big pond, if that makes sense.
-- Miami pulls their starters toward the end of the first quarter and Detroit's starters go on a run. If I'm Ron Jeremy, my starters go 48 minutes tonight.
-- Whenever Marv Albert and Steve Kerr start joking around or talking about anything other than the game, Doug Collins breaks in and gets right back to some arcane, technical basketball point. Imagine being his son, former Dookie Cris Collins, and sitting around the dinner table...
CRIS: Dad, today at school I got an A on a pop quiz, and I...
DOUG: (interrupting) When Rip Hamilton comes off a screen, his footwork is just gorgeous. Rip is a runner, you see, and he's able to...
-- One of Alonzo Mourning's kidney's didn't come with his original body, and he's still in better shape than I am.
-- With 5:05 left in the first half, Miami trails by 9. Not looking good for the Heat. Or me.
-- Marv casually mentions that this is Elden Campbell's 15th year in the NBA. I casually feel old right now.
-- Celeb watch: Clarence Clemons (dressed like a pirate), Jamie Foxx (in a trucker hat), Dan Marino, Randy Moss and Ricky Williams. Oh, wait...that was Serena Williams.
-- Joey Crawford is bravely rocking the totally shaved head. He ought to become the first ref to wear a headband.
-- Miami closes at the half, Detroit extends the lead, and then Eddie Jones drills a halfcourt jumper to bring the score to Detroit 45, Miami 40. Funny, because we were talking yesterday and Sam pointed out there haven't really been any buzzer beaters in the playoffs.
-- Whenever Magic Johnson starts talking, I get really nervous.
-- I've mentioned this before, but I really hate it when they show the announcers at courtside at halftime or postgame, and instead of being able to see the crowd behind them, there's a crazy backdrop of some sort. I know the crowd can be distracting, waving and stuff, but can't they turn the monitors off on the table so the crowd doesn't know they're on TV? I hate the backdrops, because they make you think the announcers aren't at the game. I like being at the game. I want to be at the game. This year TNT has introduced a space-age backdrop that makes the announcers seem like they're floating out in the galaxy. Not a good look.
-- I should've known that Kyra Sedgwick was going off to star in some new TV show -- TNT's overwhelmingly promoted "The Closer" -- because I used to see her and her husband, Kevin Bacon, around my neighborhood all the time. While I haven't seen her in a minute, I literally see Kevin Bacon almost every day; I used the ATM next to him at the bank a few days ago. Now I know why Kyra's been m.i.a.
This reminds me of my favorite Kevin Bacon story: One night I was walking Starbury when I saw Bacon coming the other way with his dog, a big retriever or something. The dogs stopped and sniffed each other and he and I nodded to each other and stood there quietly. As we parted, there was a homeless guy at the corner begging for cash, and Bacon must've stiffed him, because the homeless guy started screaming, "Hey, it's Kevin Bacon! Look everyone, it's Kevin Bacon!" Everyone within hearing distance stopped to look, as Bacon took off across the street.
-- With 8:33 to go in the third, Detroit leads 49-44. I write in my notebook: "The only they lose this game is if they self-destruct."
-- Detroit is working Billups in the post against Damon Jones, over and over, just killing the Heat. As much as I dislike Larry Brown and the way he's handled this whole coaching thing, I respect his gangsta.
-- If I was a referee and Tayshaun Prince was angry about something, I'd keep doing things to bait him and make him angrier just to see his crazy facial expressions.
-- Oh look, Dwyane Wade is back. He returns to his former self for about five minutes and pushes Miami to a 60-58 lead.
-- While speaking about Wade, Doug Collins says that Michael Jordan told him, "You don't judge a thoroughbred with a clock, you judge him in a race." Of course it was a gambling analogy.
-- Sheed goes to the bench with foul trouble and slips on a gray Pistons t-shirt that has a big "36" written on it with magic marker. Awesome.
-- The third quarter ends with Miami up 66-64, meaning they outscored Detroit 22-15 in the third. Most importantly, they started chasing Rip around the picks instead of trying to going through Sheed.
-- Coming back from a commercial and going into the fourth, TNT plays a snippet of Michael McDonald's "Sweet Freedom." Really. Welcome to 1988!
-- The Heat get called for two fouls within the first 19 seconds of the fourth quarter.
-- Three fouls in 24 seconds.
-- 4 fouls in 52 seconds. Somewhere, David Stern is in a darkened room with a buzzer, electrocuting Dick Bavetta everytime he wants another foul called on Miami.
-- Meanwhile, Keyon Dooling is auditioning for the And 1 Mixtape Tour. He's dribbling all over, throwing up crazy shots (and not hitting rim)...I don't know what's going on here. Detroit takes control.
-- Love how whenever Sheed gets upset about something, the crowd starts roaring, trying to goad him into a technical.
-- Shaq catches the ball in the post and bends forward. He looks like he may topple over, but while holding the ball with both hands, he touches the ball to the floor to regain his balance, forming a momentary tripod. He then stands and begins dribbling. Doug Collins flips out and immediately starts saying that it should be a double-dribble violation. Steve Kerr half-heartedly disagrees, but Collins is adamant. This gets me curious, because I don't think it's a violation. How can it be a dribbling violation if the ball never left your hands? Isn't that what a dribble is? if the ball is on the floor and you reach down and pick it up, you can dribble after that, right? But Collins acts as if he knows the rule backwards and forwards. So, I hop online and look up the double-dribble rules:
Section III-Dribble
a. A player shall not run with the ball without dribbling it.
b. A player in control of a dribble who steps on or outside a boundary line, even though not touching the ball while on or outside that boundary line, shall not be allowed to return inbounds and continue his dribble. He may not even be the first player to touch the ball after he has re-established a position inbounds.
c. A player may not dribble a second time after he has voluntarily ended his first dribble.
d. A player may dribble a second time if he lost control of the ball because of:
(1) A field goal attempt at his basket, provided the ball touches the backboard or basket ring
(2) An opponent touching the ball
(3) A pass or fumble which has then touched another player
PENALTY: Loss of ball. Ball is awarded to the opposing team at the sideline nearest the spot of the violation but no nearer the baseline than the foul line extended.
No mention there. I still think I'm right.
-- Detroit's up 74-68 with 7:04 to go.
-- Billups goes to the post again, and Shaq comes down to double-team him. Never thought I'd see that.
-- There have been very few fast breaks in this game.
-- Collins mentions that Larry Brown hates to force mismatches. So why is he going to the Billups/Jones thing over and over? Does he not like doing that? I'm really confused.
-- Whoa! Ben Wallace just tomahawked on someone. We never really see it again, though.
-- Shaq hits two free throws to tie the game at 76. Minutes left.
-- Detroit gets ahead 80-79, and Sheed gets a huge rebound and put-back.
-- The Heat need a steal, so Shaq mugs Tayshaun Prince and nobody calls anything and the Heat get the ball back.
-- Throughout the second half, each time they come back from a commercial break, the broadcast shows a wide shot of Miami's glittering, beautiful harbor. Dammit. They're just teasing me at this point.
-- The Heat are down three and Basketball Jones goes to the line and misses a crucial free throw, pretty much putting the game out of reach.
-- Game over. Detroit wins, 88-82. Deeeee-troit, here I come. Now, is there anything else to do around there?