Guru of Nothing
06-08-2005, 02:18 PM
This Guy Likes Blue Balls (http://www.blueoregon.com/2005/06/blue_ball.html)
Blue Ball
Marc Abrams
No, I’m not talking about the small town in Pennsylvania Dutch county. I’m talking NBA basketball, baby! (as Dick Vitale would say.)
For the next two weeks, I’ll be a rabid Detroit Pistons fan, and so, too, should you.
It’s simple: Michigan is Blue; Texas is red. Really, really red. Detroit votes Democratic, San Antonio is a Republican town. The teams are even emblematic of party affiliation. Detroit’s team is the Pistons: an industrial product made in union shops by UAW members. Spurs are worn by folks who let overfed livestock graze on federally subsidized grasslands while pretending they are self-reliant and never took a handout. The Pistons are hustling, sweating, hard working, blue collar basketball players. The Spurs are cocktails after the sales meeting, all smooth, corporate and sanded edges.
Okay, so the Pistons have Rasheed Wallace, Portland’s favorite whipping post. Get past it. Look at what Michigan and Texas have given the world.
Must I remind you of not one, but two Bushes? By contrast, even when Michigan produces a Republican, it’s the amiable and bumbling Gerald Ford. Governors: Jennifer Granholm, the Democrats’ reason for repealing the ban on foreign-born candidates for President vs. Rick Perry, the Democrats’ reason for repealing Texas’ statehood. Senators: Debbie Stabenow and that magnificent legislator Carl Levin vs. Kay Bailey Hutchison, the Martha Stewart of the Senate and John Cornyn, who apparently learned so little from his time on the Texas Supreme Court that he leads the charge for muzzling judges. The same Texas Supreme Court that, by the way, that gave us Alberto Gonzales and Priscilla Owens. The Texas Supreme Court is a spawning ground for reactionary higher appointments. What has the Michigan Supreme Court done to you lately? Congress: John Dingell vs. Tom DeLay. Case closed.
So unless you’re a redneck with a longneck whose hands involuntarily clench into a "hook ‘em horns" sign at the beginning of every college football season, this should be an easy call for you.
Vote Detroit. Go Pistons!
Blue Ball
Marc Abrams
No, I’m not talking about the small town in Pennsylvania Dutch county. I’m talking NBA basketball, baby! (as Dick Vitale would say.)
For the next two weeks, I’ll be a rabid Detroit Pistons fan, and so, too, should you.
It’s simple: Michigan is Blue; Texas is red. Really, really red. Detroit votes Democratic, San Antonio is a Republican town. The teams are even emblematic of party affiliation. Detroit’s team is the Pistons: an industrial product made in union shops by UAW members. Spurs are worn by folks who let overfed livestock graze on federally subsidized grasslands while pretending they are self-reliant and never took a handout. The Pistons are hustling, sweating, hard working, blue collar basketball players. The Spurs are cocktails after the sales meeting, all smooth, corporate and sanded edges.
Okay, so the Pistons have Rasheed Wallace, Portland’s favorite whipping post. Get past it. Look at what Michigan and Texas have given the world.
Must I remind you of not one, but two Bushes? By contrast, even when Michigan produces a Republican, it’s the amiable and bumbling Gerald Ford. Governors: Jennifer Granholm, the Democrats’ reason for repealing the ban on foreign-born candidates for President vs. Rick Perry, the Democrats’ reason for repealing Texas’ statehood. Senators: Debbie Stabenow and that magnificent legislator Carl Levin vs. Kay Bailey Hutchison, the Martha Stewart of the Senate and John Cornyn, who apparently learned so little from his time on the Texas Supreme Court that he leads the charge for muzzling judges. The same Texas Supreme Court that, by the way, that gave us Alberto Gonzales and Priscilla Owens. The Texas Supreme Court is a spawning ground for reactionary higher appointments. What has the Michigan Supreme Court done to you lately? Congress: John Dingell vs. Tom DeLay. Case closed.
So unless you’re a redneck with a longneck whose hands involuntarily clench into a "hook ‘em horns" sign at the beginning of every college football season, this should be an easy call for you.
Vote Detroit. Go Pistons!