So I directed a short film (3 minutes) for school..Thoughts?

[Reggie Williams]

Ok so I dont get the DVD rip/quality until next week, but this recorded with my iphone off an editing screen. Anyways its the first time I have touched a camera and it was for an assignment for my class. Had to be under 4 minutes long.

And I know the story blows, I was focused on the style, visuals, and feel of the film rather than the story. Since it is a student film, I wanted to experiment a bit.

Ill put up the DVD quality rip next week, but here in the meantime. Put the volume up too.

5uOoC4E6lEc

[Ghost_of_Gashir]

There wasn't enough nine tailed demon fox for my liking, but it was still okay.

[ClipshowDynasty]

That was decent. What school do you go to? Are you trying to direct, produce, write?

American university tbh

[Reggie Williams]

That was decent. What school do you go to? Are you trying to direct, produce, write?

American University but I got accepted into NYU this past summer for their summer film program and this was shot in that class.

And Direct

[ClipshowDynasty]

IMO just don't be da next m night shamalahanan

[DeadlyDynasty]

talking pictures will never work

[Reggie Williams]

talking pictures will never work

Talking Pictures?

[SnakeBoy]

Why did they send Chad a notice that they were going to kill him? And why was it written with a sharpie, wouldn't they have some type of form letter?

What was Chad eating? He seemed to really like it.

I really like that Chad hung his jacket up in the closet when he got home. Chad's momma raised him right.

[Reggie Williams]

Yeah the written letter was because my original typed letter had coffee spill on it by one of the actors by accident and we didnt have time to go print another one.

[fraga]

First off..I would say fire your videographer...that first scene wasn't pretty...way too much stillness...what you might have done...was establish the wide shot..how desolate and alone the guy is...then as he's going in to the fridge...start some tight shots/cuts of him getting the milk...drinking...don't stay one still shot...you need more B-Roll...and I'm not sure about the whole vintage film look...that was quite confusing...was this supposed to take place back in the 20's...it's nice...but needs a lot of work...

[Reggie Williams]

First off..I would say fire your videographer...that first scene wasn't pretty...way too much stillness...what you might have done...was establish the wide shot..how desolate and alone the guy is...then as he's going in to the fridge...start some tight shots/cuts of him getting the milk...drinking...don't stay one still shot...you need more B-Roll...and I'm not sure about the whole vintage film look...that was quite confusing...was this supposed to take place back in the 20's...it's nice...but needs a lot of work...


Its called a long take boss. I shot it on 16mm it comes out in black and white.

[fraga]

Well your "long takes" aren't working boss...if it's a good story...tell it...don't try and hide behind gimmick videography to distract from the story...hell a good story can be shot from an iPhone...if the shots are right...I'm not attacking you...I'm trying to give you some professional feedback...

[Reggie Williams]

I'm saying I know but the story sucks. From the original post which I said.

I know your giving feedback, but it was to give an isolated lonely feeling.

I appreciate the feedback but thats the first time I've heard someone saying something about that shot. My professor taught Ang lee, Coen brothers, M.Night Shyamlan,Eli Roth, Todd Phillips, etc said the shot worked extremely well for the short in his review.

So its nothing against you, I honestly appreciate the feedback, but I dont know which one to listen to..

But then again I do understand your point and was deciding between doing what you said and trying the long take.

What do you do in the professional film industry?

[ClipshowDynasty]

Well your "long takes" aren't working boss...if it's a good story...tell it...don't try and hide behind gimmick videography to distract from the story...hell a good story can be shot from an iPhone...if the shots are right...I'm not attacking you...I'm trying to give you some professional feedback...

Jesus Christ you dumb fucking Beaner, can you construct a proper sentence?

[Frenzy]

The "long shot" was ok to me. Sometimes the camera can move to much. All based on opinion I guess. Most camera angles seemed alright except the angle where chad turns around/looks at the note under the door. I dunno what it is/was but it appeared off to me.

:lol him trying to be bad ass and walk away and getting shot.

[Cant_Be_Faded]

http://bearseatpeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/theCritic_it_stinks.jpg

[mavs>spurs]

Should have picked a less metrosexual major imho.

[JMarkJohns]

http://bearseatpeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/theCritic_it_stinks.jpg

Classic! :lol

[silverblk mystix]

Music did not fit the scene at all. The dialogue was very amateurish...why say the most obvious things?
Horrible actors...very cliche the whole 3 plus minutes.

[midnightpulp]

That was decent. What school do you go to? Are you trying to direct, produce, write?

Shut the fuck up.

[midnightpulp]

Reggie is Ronaldo, right?

Anyhow, I'll give you some feedback when you put up the higher quality version. From what I saw, I dig the noir style and lighting, and it's nice to see something actually shot on film rather than digital.

The opening long static shot was good. I disagree with Fraga that you should've moved in, or cut to a tighter shot. That would've been formulaic and expected. A 3 minute short should have some experimentation and not settle into predictable rhythms and structure.

[Reggie Williams]

Thank you midnight. Some real fucking feedback for once. CBF you are a faggot and cant troll for shit.

And I agree, why would I want the same predictable tight quick cuts in the opening scene? Every film has the exact same style and cuts.

And for slvrblck mystic, what music should I have used? I thought it fit perfectly.

[koriwhat]

Thank you midnight. Some real fucking feedback for once. CBF you are a faggot and cant troll for shit.

And I agree, why would I want the same predictable tight quick cuts in the opening scene? Every film has the exact same style and cuts.

And for slvrblck mystic, what music should I have used? I thought it fit perfectly.

Lol can't take criticism but comes here and asks for it

[silverblk mystix]

Thank you midnight. Some real fucking feedback for once. CBF you are a faggot and cant troll for shit.

And I agree, why would I want the same predictable tight quick cuts in the opening scene? Every film has the exact same style and cuts.

And for slvrblck mystic, what music should I have used? I thought it fit perfectly.

In the opening shot...the music is instantly tension-filled...but nothing is happening onscreen....why give it away? When the guy is having his dinner and the 2nd hitman appears out of nowhere...I think it would be more appropriate if the music was calm...showing that this guy was not tense or that the audience should be tense or fear for the character....

Relaxing music...followed by a camera shot of the gun entering the picture would be more dramatic...than tension filled music followed by the guy breaking in and walking straight to the table and then an obvious far way shot of the guy pointing the gun at the main character....

The moment that the audience sees the gun is when the music should be tense...and I would not even show the 2nd hitman until he is pointing the gun...

my two cents...

[midnightpulp]

Thank you midnight. Some real fucking feedback for once. CBF you are a faggot and cant troll for shit.

And I agree, why would I want the same predictable tight quick cuts in the opening scene? Every film has the exact same style and cuts.

And for slvrblck mystic, what music should I have used? I thought it fit perfectly.

Yep, the "safe thing" to do would've been to cut into the refrigerator as he grabbed the bottle and then pan up to him drinking. The 180 degree edit as he walked out into the balcony was quite nice, as well. If you're interested in long shots, check out Russian director's Andrei Tarkovsky's work, specifically Stalker. He's the master of the static long shot (he has one in Stalker that lasts a good 2 minutes, if I recall. Maybe longer).

Minor things I would change from what I saw (I've only watched the first minute), would be to have the character first hang up his coat before he goes to the refrigerator. This way, he doesn't have to cross that area twice, slightly improving the pace and rhythm of the shot.

As for the story, I wouldn't concern myself too much with whether it sucks or not. Short films, especially ones in the 3-5 minute range, function more like a dream than a coherent narrative and are all about communicating mood, atmosphere, and feeling.

[midnightpulp]

Lol can't take criticism but comes here and asks for it

I think he has more potential as a filmmaker than you do as a tattoo scratcher.

[Koriwhat'sTattooGun]

I think he has more potential as a filmmaker than you do as a tattoo scratcher.

:tu I agree.

Month ago, a guy exchanged a half gram of meth for a tattoo. He wanted a wolf. Koriwhat smoked the meth and went to work. Here's the result:

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/horrible-bad-tattoos-1.jpg

Now you might be thinking he fucked it up because he was high. Nope. Koriwhat actually tattoos better when he's on meth. If he performed sober, it wouldn't have even resembled a wolf and probably looked like a duck with canines.

[DMC]

Here's a hint: Do what's already been done. People will like it more.

[DMC]

Lol can't take criticism but comes here and asks for it
Wow pot kettle black.

It's one thing to give pointers if you know something about it, but there's no reason to pretend you know filming if you don't. Leave that to Mouse.

[Creepn]

I liked it. I liked the music because it gave me that "build up" feeling but I felt it went on too long. It should've stopped right when the gun was pointed at his head imho. I know you was experimenting but I didn't like the vintage visuals.

Good short though.

[Spursfan092120]

I enjoyed it. From the outside, not a pro or anything, I think the words they spoke were a little too obvious, but I liked it. I liked the videography, tbh...thought the shot was done well. Directing was good...just an outsider's opinion.

[Reggie Williams]

In the opening shot...the music is instantly tension-filled...but nothing is happening onscreen....why give it away? When the guy is having his dinner and the 2nd hitman appears out of nowhere...I think it would be more appropriate if the music was calm...showing that this guy was not tense or that the audience should be tense or fear for the character....

Relaxing music...followed by a camera shot of the gun entering the picture would be more dramatic...than tension filled music followed by the guy breaking in and walking straight to the table and then an obvious far way shot of the guy pointing the gun at the main character....

The moment that the audience sees the gun is when the music should be tense...and I would not even show the 2nd hitman until he is pointing the gun...

my two cents...

I appreciate the feedback, but again that sounds like every hitman/action/tension filled scene ever. Every single one of those has the exact same formula. Why not put the audience on the edge of their seats right from the start?

[Reggie Williams]

I liked it. I liked the music because it gave me that "build up" feeling but I felt it went on too long. It should've stopped right when the gun was pointed at his head imho. I know you was experimenting but I didn't like the vintage visuals.

Good short though.

Ah so you mean like go right to silence when the gun points at his head? I switched scores at that point, but if thats what you mean, that makes sense and I am actually going to test that in final cut pro.

[DMC]

Have the black guy take off his shades. The shades wearing hitman thing is overdone. He's indoors. He has no personality because of it.

The glass table is not a place to slam someone's head. He doesn't need to do that.

His door was unlocked. That's pretty stupid.

He didn't hear the guy come in and close the door.

Have a knock at the door. Have the guy get his gun and go see who it is. Have the black guy then enter through the sliding glass door and put the gun to the back of the white man's head and about the time the white man answers the door, the black guy blow his brains all over the face of the guy who's at the door, a pizza delivery guy. So the brains land all over the pizza.

The last scene is the black guy eating the pizza.

[silverblk mystix]

I appreciate the feedback, but again that sounds like every hitman/action/tension filled scene ever. Every single one of those has the exact same formula. Why not put the audience on the edge of their seats right from the start?

Because you would be giving things away and the audience will be prepped...so when the action or drama takes place...no-one will be surprised...

also...as far as being original...I can appreciate that...but it also has to be good and entertaining....just because you are fond of certain "original" shots and techniques doesn't mean that it will translate well to an audience...what you may consider fresh and original might just seem boring and amateurish---if not done well....and there is a fine line between them.

The reason every hitman/action/tension filled scene uses these shots is because they work..

when Tarantino came on the scene...he used a lot of cliches...but for the time...he threw in some interesting dialogue...some film noir style or attitude...and it just seemed fresh...at the time. He took what was outdated and stamped his style and suddenly every hollywood screenwriter was writing film noir type scripts...

I suddenly realized why I posted in the first place....

The music...

If the music was more appropriate...it might cover or not expose these flaws--in my opinion.

[koriwhat]

I think he has more potential as a filmmaker than you do as a tattoo scratcher.

keep dreaming you're something special by repeatedly trying to diss me... then realize you spend 99% of your time here on ST. wake up call!

[lil'mo]

dialogue sucks