Why Men Need Marriage

[Findog]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/guest-voices/post/why-men-need-marriage/2012/01/11/gIQALubyqP_blog.html?wprss=guest-voices

She was smart, funny, interesting, successful, attractive, kind, in her 40s, and still single.

After my wife Grace and I spent some time with the woman from our church, we could not fathom why no one had married her.

And, she’s not alone. For the first time in the America’s history there are more single adults than married. Statistically, the women are more likely than the men to attend college, be working a career track job, and attend church.

What are the guys doing? Often, they’re acting like boys who can shave, getting drunk, watching porn, attending sporting events, and treating responsibility like Superman does green kryptonite.

So, many women are waiting longer to marry. Eventually, some get tired of the fools parade and settle for some guy who is more likely to act like a baby than help raise a baby. These guys make the worst husbands: gambling away the money, out late with the boys a lot, unfaithful, can’t seem to fit a full-time job in around his hobbies, and eventually trading in their 40-year-old wife for two 20-year-old girlfriends.

Seeing this dismal fate and unwilling to settle or suffer, other young women just give up hope and decide it’s better to be single than sorry.

Rather than some public outrage against irresponsible addictive selfish boys who can shave, what do we have? Comedies. From inane television shows like “The Big Bang Theory” to “How I Met Your Mother” to bromance movies and pull-my-finger comedies from Seth Rogen, Andy Samberg, Zach Galifianakis and the like, we just laugh. Many men are not funny, but they are a joke.

The Atlantic (here and here), The New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal have run major stories on the changing landscape of gender in our culture. This shift is the root of many marital problems today. One of the reasons Grace and I wrote “Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, & Life Together,” was to share God’s plan for men and women in the Bible regarding gender and marriage in hopes of seeing healthy marriages.

I’m a pastor, and I know this will seem crazy, but let’s put down the remote, set aside the porno, and see if maybe the Bible has any wisdom since what we are doing isn’t working.

The biblical basis for marriage starts in Genesis, when says, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (2:18). Before sin even entered the world and the feces and fan interfaced, and everything was in God’s words “very good,” (1:31) one thing was not good—a dude to be alone.

The Bible goes on to say, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

Men are like trucks: they drive straighter with a weighted load. Young men are supposed to load themselves up first by being responsible for themselves and not expecting their mom to fill up their sippy cup with beer and push them in a stroller to the unemployment line. Young men who take responsibility for themselves are then ready to marry and take responsibility for the life and joy of their wife. And, as they grow in that responsibility they are then ready to take on the additional responsibility of being a father, invested in and devoted to their child or children.

To be sure, there are some terrible women in the world. But, if you believe the statistics, men have been on the losing end of this cultural ‘evolution.’

Ladies, are you part of the problem? Are you the mom or girlfriend letting a boy who can shave live at your house eating your food and mooching off your hard work? Are you enabling some guy who is using you to live foolishly without having to suffer painfully?

Are you the girlfriend who has allowed one of these guys to be with you although there is no clarity regarding what your relationship is or direction for where it’s going?

And I would ask the men, do you want to leave a good time or a good legacy? Do you want to one day be the dirty old man alone in the strip club on Christmas, or the grandpa who loves his wife and has their children and grandchildren to their home to share in their joy? Do you have a plan to get there, or are you expecting the life fairy to take care of that for you? Would you want your sons to be like you? Would you want your daughters to marry someone like you?

Are you a fool? Was your father a fool? When will the folly stop?

[Viva Las Espuelas]

Wow.

[Findog]

Wow.

I like the dichotomy that men are either church-going family men of good morals or degenerate strip club patrons.

[Oh, Gee!!]

that chick is whiny. no wonder she can't land a dude

[Viva Las Espuelas]

I like the dichotomy that men are either church-going family men of good morals or degenerate strip club patrons.

Hence the "Wow". Was this just for entertainment purposes or.......

[z0sa]

lol men needing marriage. Men have never needed marriage and want it less than ever. One dude could impregnate 10 women on any given night if he was horny enough and walk away like nothing ever happened, a giant smile like a crescent on his face. That's just the facts of life, kiddos. Men will always be close to feces throwing apes in many ways because the dick allows it.

[DUNCANownsKOBE]

:lmao

[DUNCANownsKOBE]

I like how the bible is why more men should marry. If you really wanna follow the bible, then after you marry, make sure you have several slaves who you beat if they don't obey you.

[lefty]

Pheeeew

Thanks God I have a penis

[mavs>spurs]

i ain't gettin married i'm a bad person :cry

[Bill_Brasky]

What the fuck did I just read?

[baseline bum]

That 40 year-old was probably a religious nut who would vote for Santorum, so no surprise no one gave her a ring tbh.

[baseline bum]

She probably thinks Genesis told her not to suck dick too.

[DUNCANownsKOBE]

That 40 year-old was probably a religious nut who would vote for Santorum, so no surprise no one gave her a ring tbh.
he also mentions attractive as the 5th trait (as in she's not really attractive but he felt like squeezing it in there). Methinks she has a similar physique to the god warrior from trading spouses. I also didn't read that she had a job or was financially stable at all, if you're gonna marry a gold digger you might as well find one in her 20s.

[baseline bum]

Besides, at 40 she can only have retard kids like Palin.

[benefactor]

This is the typical obnoxious, extreme black and white view that makes many Christians unbearable. This is exactly why I don't go to mainstream churches or associate with mainstream Christians.

[Findog]

that chick is whiny. no wonder she can't land a dude

Twas written by a man.

[Findog]

I like how the bible is why more men should marry. If you really wanna follow the bible, then after you marry, make sure you have several slaves who you beat if they don't obey you.

Proverbs 21:19
"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife."

Proverbs 19:13
"A foolish child is a father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof."

Proverbs 25:24
"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."

Proverbs 6:26
"For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread, but another man’s wife preys on your very life."

[Findog]

I think men benefit more from marriage than women do. Studies bear that out. It's better for a man to be married or a life-long bachelor than get divorced. Married men live longer than divorced men or life-long bachelors. I think most men would at some point rather have a family than "be alone in the strip club on Christmas Day" but if somebody wants to do the latter, it doesn't necessarily make them a bad or irresponsible person. But Driscoll conveniently forgets to mention the fact that we have a divorce rate in this country of 45-50 percent for first marriages and women initiate two-thirds of all breakups and divorces. Family courts are weighted in favor of mothers. Men have more to gain and also way more to lose by getting married. It is a huge opportunity but also a huge risk. Women, on the other hand, can simply walk away knowing that they're gonna get half of his paycheck and primary custody rights unless they have substance abuse issues or something else similar, etc....With the way things are set up now, a man needs to qualify a woman very carefully before getting married. And no matter how much qualifying you do, you never know for sure how your marriage is going to turn out. My mom probably in a million years would never have guessed that the smart, funny, good-natured guy she was marrying would 35 years later be a degenerate alcoholic. My cousin got the shock and heartbreak of his life when he discovered last summer that his wife had been carrying on an affair for a year with another man and got pregnant by him. Marrying the wrong person can end up ruining your life!!

Also, I think women as a rule are equally to blame for the decline in marriage rates and the trend of getting married later in life. Both genders are in a state of arrested development. There's a lot of reasons for that, one of the big ones being we're an affluent first-world society that makes it easier for people to delay adult responsibilities. It is unfair to only single out men. He cites the Kate Bollick article in the Atlantic to support his thesis that men are failing in their responsibilities to grow up and be adults, but my takeaway from that article is that Ms Bollick has only herself to blame for being 39 years old and a bachelorette. Yeah, there are a lot of idiot guys out there, so if you are a marriage-minded woman, that means you don't get to be too picky when a good guy comes along that wants the same things as you do. Ms Bollick FOREVER gave up her right to complain about men when she ditched the Alan guy in her article. I've been Alan myself before and I just don't have any sympathy at all for her dilemma and others like her:

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/8654/

And as for Driscoll's astonishment that the woman in his church had never been married despite being attractive and a good person with lots of desirable qualities to offer a man...if that is indeed the case, then she has undoubtedly had no shortage of suitors in her life and opportunities to marry. And not all of them would have been boys in adult bodies. She's either too picky or has some sort of commitment phobia if she's smart, attractive, professional successful, and generally has her shit together. Otherwise there is something missing in his description of her. A woman who is not hideously ugly or obese and has basic interpersonal skills can get married if she wants to.

[z0sa]

Proverbs 6:26
"For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread ..."

those were the days

[Oh, Gee!!]

Twas written by a man.

that's even worse

[mavs>spurs]

women today suck, i can't imagine why anyone would sign their financial livelihood away to be backstabbed

[mavs>spurs]

don't love em, don't cuff em, don't trust em, just fuck em

[DUNCANownsKOBE]

Yeah the author neglects to mention that women cheat as much as men do. Marriage in general just isn't a sacred or meaningful thing anymore, people who still think it is are living in the past.

[Viva Las Espuelas]

My mom probably in a million years would never have guessed that the smart, funny, good-natured guy she was marrying would 35 years later be a degenerate alcoholic. My cousin got the shock and heartbreak of his life when he discovered last summer that his wife had been carrying on an affair for a year with another man and got pregnant by him. Marrying the wrong person can end up ruining your life!!
Damn, Fin! That's brutal.

[cantthinkofanything]

Proverbs 21:19
Proverbs 19:13
"A foolish child is a father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof."

Nothing that a hammer can't fix.

[Findog]

Damn, Fin! That's brutal.

Yeah, my parents have been together for 36 years, probably will never get divorced, but by any measure their marriage is a failure. It just hasn't ended yet. I DO NOT want that kind of marriage for my future. You just don't know what the future has in store for you. Most people get married after a courtship of 1-3 years. It's impossible to completely know a person and how they will respond to the commitment of marriage. It's not a continuation of dating dynamics, even if there are no kids involved.

My cousin probably should have known better. He's in his early thirties like me. He met his ex-wife when they were around the age of 25. By that time she had two kids by two different men, and the paternity of the second kid wasn't fully known. He adopted that second kid, they had another one together, then he got a vasectomy. She got pregnant again. The doctor told him he might have some live swimmers left, so he assumed that one was his. So then she gets a job as a traveling salesperson selling insurance that requires her to be out of the house on weekends. They were having financial problems, so finally he starts wondering why she's not actually making money "selling insurance." He finds a diary of hers last June. Turns out that for a year she was leaving their home in southwest Ft. Worth and going all the way out to Plano to play house with this dude she met on the internet that had a kid of his own. And she was pregnant by this guy. Five kids by four and maybe five different men. His parents have had some of their savings wiped out paying his divorce bills.

[mavs>spurs]

As a finance major with a 4.0 and future financial analyst, I must inform you all that marriage is a TERRIBLE investment it adds no value. I repeat NEGATIVE RETURN ON INVESTMENT.

[Findog]

As a finance major with a 4.0 and future financial analyst, I must inform you all that marriage is a TERRIBLE investment it adds no value. I repeat NEGATIVE RETURN ON INVESTMENT.

Can a prenup protect you in the event a woman files for divorce?

[mavs>spurs]

nope in most cases it's meaningless..judge looks at you laughs and bends you over anyway.

[DUNCANownsKOBE]

Can a prenup protect you in the event a woman files for divorce?
yeah but you need a good lawyer to be drawing it up.

[mavs>spurs]

^^this. not all prenups are created equally. all too often i see people getting screwed regardless.

[Findog]

^^this. not all prenups are created equally. all too often i see people getting screwed regardless.

Seems to me that if you do take the plunge of marriage, as a man you must insist on a good prenup, not to rape her out of her assets, but to protect yours and your rights to co-parent your children. No way would I ever want to only get to see my kids every other weekend.

[mavs>spurs]

yeah that's true, but in order to get one that holds up in court you have to spend a bare minimum of 10k...plus 20 or 30k for a wedding in many cases..cmon bro is it really worth it? if a bitch really loves you she won't need all that cohabitation 4tw imho.

[DUNCANownsKOBE]

Seems to me that if you do take the plunge of marriage, as a man you must insist on a good prenup, not to rape her out of her assets, but to protect yours and your rights to co-parent your children. No way would I ever want to only get to see my kids every other weekend.
I'm not even sure if custody can be a part of the prenup (doubt it can be). It's not as bad as it used to be with favoring women but it's still ridiculous.

[Summers]

I think the pastor's view of adulthood and marriage is oversimplified and silly, but, dang, y'all are some grizzled cynical men. Marriage is like anything else: you get out of it what you put in. If you choose wisely and communicate honestly and view your marriage as something that deserves your commitment and maintenance, it works. I won't speak for my husband... You can ask him yourselves. :)

[Viva Las Espuelas]

Yeah, my parents have been together for 36 years, probably will never get divorced, but by any measure their marriage is a failure. It just hasn't ended yet. I DO NOT want that kind of marriage for my future. You just don't know what the future has in store for you. Most people get married after a courtship of 1-3 years. It's impossible to completely know a person and how they will respond to the commitment of marriage. It's not a continuation of dating dynamics, even if there are no kids involved.

My cousin probably should have known better. He's in his early thirties like me. He met his ex-wife when they were around the age of 25. By that time she had two kids by two different men, and the paternity of the second kid wasn't fully known. He adopted that second kid, they had another one together, then he got a vasectomy. She got pregnant again. The doctor told him he might have some live swimmers left, so he assumed that one was his. So then she gets a job as a traveling salesperson selling insurance that requires her to be out of the house on weekends. They were having financial problems, so finally he starts wondering why she's not actually making money "selling insurance." He finds a diary of hers last June. Turns out that for a year she was leaving their home in southwest Ft. Worth and going all the way out to Plano to play house with this dude she met on the internet that had a kid of his own. And she was pregnant by this guy. Five kids by four and maybe five different men. His parents have had some of their savings wiped out paying his divorce bills.

Damn, Fin! Now that's crazy. Two kids with two separate dudes and only one known dad would've had me out of there. I can't imagine how he felt when he found that diary. I'd have definitely seen red. I hope he didn't hang on to her much longer after that. I'd have gotten my kid then gotten out of it as soon as possible.

[mavs>spurs]

I think the pastor's view of adulthood and marriage is oversimplified and silly, but, dang, y'all are some grizzled cynical men. Marriage is like anything else: you get out of it what you put in. If you choose wisely and communicate honestly and view your marriage as something that deserves your commitment and maintenance, it works. I won't speak for my husband... You can ask him yourselves. :)

no, you're either delusional or the last of a dying breed, if you're really as good as you say you are and things are that great. aren't you the one who thought that cheating was okay in a marriage? cmon dude.

[Summers]

no, you're either delusional or the last of a dying breed, if you're really as good as you say you are and things are that great. aren't you the one who thought that cheating was okay in a marriage? cmon dude.

I'm not a dude, dude. I think lying and cheating in a marriage are terrible things.

[Findog]

no, you're either delusional or the last of a dying breed, if you're really as good as you say you are and things are that great. aren't you the one who thought that cheating was okay in a marriage? cmon dude.

You can be a good partner to somebody and still end up with them leaving you. That's not cynicism, there's good people out there belonging to both genders, but it's naive to think that you have ultimate control over the relationship continuing. You're only responsible and have control over your fifty percent of the relationship.

[mavs>spurs]

Odd that wasn't your position a while back, but good if you really think as such. The thing is, without being specific or trying to insult you, you're part of a different generation than us younger guys today. Marriage is dying out fast along with morals, people don't give a shit about anything for more than 5 seconds anymore, much less enough to make a marriage work. It's just a dumb losing proposition.

[mavs>spurs]

You can be a good partner to somebody and still end up with them leaving you. That's not cynicism, there's good people out there belonging to both genders, but it's naive to think that you have ultimate control over the relationship continuing. You're only responsible and have control over your fifty percent of the relationship.

agreed, been there done that. which is why i refuse to put all my effort and life on the line for somethign i can't even control.

[Summers]

women today suck, i can't imagine why anyone would sign their financial livelihood away to be backstabbed


don't love em, don't cuff em, don't trust em, just fuck em

And let me make a simple observation. Human relationships, like every other species on the planet, comes down to female choice. It's why males are bigger and prettier--because women choose their mates. If you want a nice woman to choose you, you have to be nice.

[benefactor]

And let me make a simple observation. Human relationships, like every other species on the planet, comes down to female choice. It's why males are bigger and prettier--because women choose their mates. If you want a nice woman to choose you, you have to be nice.
Hmm...doesn't this work both ways though?

[mavs>spurs]

:lol it's not that simple. like findog said, you can do everything in your power and be a great partner but it in no way ensures anything. I've seen wayyyy too many cases in my personal life where friends and people i know got screwed in the most random and worst ways. i don't even have a fishing buddy anymore because my friend found out his fiance, whom he had been with for 10 years, cheated on him bc "he fishes too much :cry." now the dude doesn't even want to fish anymore, and his life is pretty much wrecked.

get this, there are now huge dating sites out there for MARRIED people. millions of married users log on each day to find some random stranger on the internet to go off and have sex with. we are talking high traffic sites with literally millions of users.

[Viva Las Espuelas]

And let me make a simple observation. Human relationships, like every other species on the planet, comes down to female choice. It's why males are bigger and prettier--because women choose their mates. If you want a nice woman to choose you, you have to be nice.

:lol I wouldn't waste time or energy oh him.

[DeadlyDynasty]

If you want a nice woman to choose you, you have to be nice.

This is complete bullshit.

[DUNCANownsKOBE]

This is complete bullshit.
:lol yeah I cracked up when I saw that

[Viva Las Espuelas]

See what you did, Fin? :lol
So what brought this on?

[mavs>spurs]

it's also pretty sad whenever many of my friends have fucked married women. i don't understand that, why take the oath if you're just going to make an ass out of yourself.

[Summers]

Hmm...doesn't this work both ways though?

Yes, absolutely. I'm just suggesting YH do some introspection. He's complaining that women these days don't have morals, so that's why he just "fucks em" instead of getting involved in relationships.

[mavs>spurs]

See what you did, Fin? :lol
So what brought this on?

oh cmon dude don't play the role of the guy who puts pussy on a pedestal. it isn't flattering at all.

[mavs>spurs]

Yes, absolutely. I'm just suggesting YH do some introspection. He's complaining that women these days don't have morals, so that's why he just "fucks em" instead of getting involved in relationships.

:lol I was quoting a song and actually haven't "fucked" anything since I got screwed over by my ex about 6 months ago, if you must judge me and crawl so far up my ass. i'm okay with admitting that. i kinda lost the drive for that whole "relationships with women" thing. burned out and taking a break to finish school tbh.

[Findog]

See what you did, Fin? :lol
So what brought this on?

I just think it's an interesting topic and I'm tired of male bashing. There are good people and jackholes in both genders, and there's just not enough discussion of the role that women are playing when it comes to the decline of marriage - some of it is women having more opportunities in the workplace and delaying getting married and starting a family, and some of it is female entitlement and maturity issues. It's unfair to single out one gender or the other for this phenomenon. And also, why is it so bad if a person is not married? It doesn't make them a failure at life.

[Viva Las Espuelas]

oh cmon dude don't play the role of the guy who puts pussy on a pedestal. it isn't flattering at all.

Quit talking out of your ass then I'll respond to what you ask.

[Blake]

"being nice" might not even crack the top ten in ways to get a nice woman

[benefactor]

I love my wife and I love being married to her...but I can definitely understand the sentiments of those who don't want to be married. If something were to happen to my wife I seriously doubt I'd get married again. It took a lot of work to get where we are in our relationship today and the thought of having to start all of that over again is pretty unappealing.

[lefty]

LOL Women

[mavs>spurs]

Quit talking out of your ass then I'll respond to what you ask.

talking out of my ass? the divorce rates, statistics, and outright personal experiences don't lie. i just think it's all a dumb game at this point. not saying everyone is like that, but you'd better really tread lightly before you do something stupid. men really do have a lot to lose, the laws just aren't fair as they are.

[DisAsTerBot]

cohabitation ftw!!!

[DisAsTerBot]

marriage is a money making scam. the average wedding in the us costs $27,000

for one day???? fuck that

[mavs>spurs]

cohabitation ftw!!!

AGREED scroh.

[Summers]

I love my wife and I love being married to her...but I can definitely understand the sentiments of those who don't want to be married. If something were to happen to my wife I seriously doubt I'd get married again. It took a lot of work to get where we are in our relationship today and the thought of having to start all of that over again is pretty unappealing.

I kind of feel the same way.

[mavs>spurs]

marriage is a money making scam. the average wedding in the us costs $27,000

for one day???? fuck that

But daddy's little princess has dreamed of this day ever since she was a little girl :cry she's entitled to a glamorous wedding :cry

[DisAsTerBot]

But daddy's little princess has dreamed of this day ever since she was a little girl :cry she's entitled to a glamorous wedding :cry

with a huge shiny rock that finances war!!!!!

[DeadlyDynasty]

And also, why is it so bad if a person is not married? It doesn't make them a failure at life.

To this I 100% agree. I believe marriage (in some ways) is an archaic social norm that you're supposed to have done by a certain age--or else you're stigmatized as immature, a loner, or gay(:lol). I had a close call last year and was on the cusp of proposing to my g/f (as I told a couple people here), but I got cold feet and ended up breaking off the relationship soon after. I still feel bad about it, but the fact of the matter is 1)I honestly wasn't ready for it due to selfish reasons and 2) I felt undue pressure from everybody to get married and it made me claustrophobic and uncomfortable.

[mavs>spurs]

To this I 100% agree. I believe marriage (in some ways) is an archaic social norm that you're supposed to have done by a certain age--or else you're stigmatized as immature, a loner, or gay(:lol). I had a close call last year and was on the cusp of proposing to my g/f (as I told a couple people here), but I got cold feet and ended up breaking off the relationship soon after. I still feel bad about it, but the fact of the matter is 1)I honestly wasn't ready for it due to selfish reasons and 2) I felt undue pressure from everybody to get married and it made me claustrophobic and uncomfortable.

I never understood why people feel this way. This is exactly what happened in my relationship pretty much, we were getting serious and the pressure of that combined with the fact that she was selfish as fuck and saw that she wasn't going to be able to push me around and she may actually not be able to have her way for the rest of her life freaked her out and made her fuck me over basically for fun, no real reason at all :lol

Couldn't you have just been honest and put it off without throwing everything away? I mean didn't she mean something to you at all?

[Blake]

marriage is a money making scam. the average wedding in the us costs $27,000

for one day???? fuck that

No shit.

[DisAsTerBot]

on a similar note, i dont get the mentality of women who give the ultimatum of "where is this going? marriage or we should just break up.

How the fuck can you, on one hand want to spend the rest of your life with someone, but on the other you can go on living your life without em?????

[DisAsTerBot]

marriage is a money making scam. the average wedding in the us costs $27,000

for one day???? fuck that

tuxedo rental = $150.00

[DeadlyDynasty]

I never understood why people feel this way. This is exactly what happened in my relationship pretty much, we were getting serious and the pressure of that combined with the fact that she was selfish as fuck and saw that she wasn't going to be able to push me around and she may actually not be able to have her way for the rest of her life freaked her out and made her fuck me over basically for fun, no real reason at all :lol

Couldn't you have just been honest and put it off without throwing everything away? I mean didn't she mean something to you at all?

Yes, I still have regrets about it cause I honestly did love her and it was a rotten thing to do (never felt more uncomfortable about a break-up in my life), but in retrospect I believe I did the right thing, but probably went about it the wrong way. It's complicated...like all relationships

[Viva Las Espuelas]

I just think it's an interesting topic and I'm tired of male bashing. There are good people and jackholes in both genders, and there's just not enough discussion of the role that women are playing when it comes to the decline of marriage - some of it is women having more opportunities in the workplace and delaying getting married and starting a family, and some of it is female entitlement and maturity issues. It's unfair to single out one gender or the other for this phenomenon. And also, why is it so bad if a person is not married? It doesn't make them a failure at life.

I see, but wasn't that a male bashing article? I just recall one paragraph where he called out women. <shrugs> I thought maybe something happened in your recent endeavors. I remember you made another thread a while back, I think, about dating someone.....

I know what you mean about is it bad if a person isn't married. I get that feeling a lot from aunts, uncles, cousins and some friends. I'm getting up there and ive seen many relationships/marriages in my life to know that its not all sunshine and lollipops, which makes me wonder why they give me that feeling in the first place.

[DarkReign]

I love my wife and I love being married to her...but I can definitely understand the sentiments of those who don't want to be married. If something were to happen to my wife I seriously doubt I'd get married again. It took a lot of work to get where we are in our relationship today and the thought of having to start all of that over again is pretty unappealing.

Extremely well said. If something happened to my marriage, I would never get married again.

I put way too much time, effort and attention into this one and I will never do it again for completely selfish reasons. I love my wife and we have a ridiculously awesome relationship that we dont even talk about it except with one another because we know how it will sound to others, but it took 12 years (3 dating, 5 living together, 4 married) to get where we are.

If this ended for whatever reason, I would be emotionally crushed to a degree I dont wish to think about. I would never invest emotionally again as long as I lived.

[Findog]

Yes, I still have regrets about it cause I honestly did love her and it was a rotten thing to do (never felt more uncomfortable about a break-up in my life), but in retrospect I believe I did the right thing, but probably went about it the wrong way. It's complicated...like all relationships

Do you think that it had to be all or nothing? It sucks if your extended family was putting pressure on you, but I'm just wondering if your relationship could have been salvaged, since as you said you did love her. It's a huge, life-altering decision and I agree it makes absolutely no sense to make a 40-yard dash to the altar. I just think it would be a shame to let outside influences such as aunts and uncles nagging you affect a good thing. You say you weren't ready, but is it something you could have been ready for in a year or two? What do you think needed to change for you to be ready? Is it something you want at all, like the closer you got the more you realized that you're not sure if marriage is something you can pull off? Or did you feel like it was intimidating to take on such adult responsibilities, but you want it down the road?

[Viva Las Espuelas]

saw that she wasn't going to be able to push me around and she may actually not be able to have her way for the rest of her life
How so?

fuck me over basically for fun, no real reason at all :lol

What did she do?

[Viva Las Espuelas]

tuxedo rental = $150.00

:lol

[Findog]

I see, but wasn't that a male bashing article? I just recall one paragraph where he called out women. <shrugs> I thought maybe something happened in your recent endeavors. I remember you made another thread a while back, I think, about dating someone.....

I know what you mean about is it bad if a person isn't married. I get that feeling a lot from aunts, uncles, cousins and some friends. I'm getting up there and ive seen many relationships/marriages in my life to know that its not all sunshine and lollipops, which makes me wonder why they give me that feeling in the first place.

Yeah, I was in a serious relationship that was on the cusp of an engagement and she basically got cold feet and called it off. Looking back, I really believed this was the person I was meant to be with and had been looking for my whole life. Now I understand that there is no such thing as relationship security and it can end at any time no matter how well things are going. It's like, if I can't trust what I had with her, can I ever trust again? At a certain point, I would have laughed in your face and scoffed if you told me how things were going to turn out with her. I just know that at a certain point I'm going to be in a relationship again with somebody I really dig, and things are going to be going great, but there will be a doubt that never existed before. Maybe that's a good thing. One thing I've taken away is that you have to be happy with yourself before you can be in a healthy, committed relationship. Maybe it's just a once bitten, twice shy kind of deal.

[DeadlyDynasty]

Do you think that it had to be all or nothing? It sucks if your extended family was putting pressure on you, but I'm just wondering if your relationship could have been salvaged, since as you said you did love her. It's a huge, life-altering decision and I agree it makes absolutely no sense to make a 40-yard dash to the altar. I just think it would be a shame to let outside influences such as aunts and uncles nagging you affect a good thing. You say you weren't ready, but is it something you could have been ready for in a year or two? What do you think needed to change for you to be ready? Is it something you want at all, like the closer you got the more you realized that you're not sure if marriage is something you can pull off? Or did you feel like it was intimidating to take on such adult responsibilities, but you want it down the road?

Fin...the funny (or sad) thing is out of all the people putting pressure on me (my family, her family, friends, etc), she was the one who did it the least. She was great, but I was scared of becoming "immobile" for lack of a better word. It's weird, but I'll try to explain.

My entire life I've had wanderlust, and I never stay in one place too long. Since last year I've been trying to land a contract medic/rn job overseas (middle east), b/c it pays amazingly well and it would afford me the opportunity to save, pay off student loans, and travel--which is what I've wanted more than anything else. I'll be out there sometime this year, but didn't foresee it taking THIS long.

I couldn't be in a relationship where I was overseas for 11/12 months (in Riyadh, or Iraq) and away from her. As it was my jobs here had me away for days already. It wouldn't be fair to her, and my own insecurity of thinking that she'd cheat would drive me insane. Remember that older women I told you I dated in Pittsburgh? I moved out of that city because of her--didn't want to see her when she broke it off.



Long story short, I got scared that I would get chained to one place and become bitter about passing up future opportunities to do the things I've always wanted to do. Totally selfish, but that's me.

[Findog]

Fin...the funny (or sad) thing is out of all the people putting pressure on me (my family, her family, friends, etc), she was the one who did it the least. She was great, but I was scared of becoming "immobile" for lack of a better word. It's weird, but I'll try to explain.

My entire life I've had wanderlust, and I never stay in one place too long. Since last year I've been trying to land a contract medic/rn job overseas (middle east), b/c it pays amazingly well and it would afford me the opportunity to save, pay off student loans, and travel--which is what I've wanted more than anything else. I'll be out there sometime this year, but didn't foresee it taking THIS long.

I couldn't be in a relationship where I was overseas for 11/12 months (in Riyadh, or Iraq) and away from her. As it was my jobs here had me away for days already. It wouldn't be fair to her, and my own insecurity of thinking that she'd cheat would drive me insane. Remember that older women I told you I dated in Pittsburgh? I moved out of that city because of her--didn't want to see her when she broke it off.



Long story short, I got scared that I would get chained to one place and become bitter about passing up future opportunities to do the things I've always wanted to do. Totally selfish, but that's me.

I think it's totally understandable if you're not going to be in the same city as your girlfriend/fiancee/wife for 11 out of 12 months in a given year that those circumstances would lead you to conclude that you were not in a place to "settle down" and have the kind of relationship that you feel both of you deserve.

[TE]

This is complete bullshit.

:lol

[Engineering Major]

oh cmon dude don't play the role of the guy who puts pussy on a pedestal. it isn't flattering at all.

Spoken like a kid.

[mrsmaalox]

:wakeup Interesting.....

[ChuckD]

"God gave men two heads, but only enough blood supply to run one at a time"
-Robin Williams

Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.

[The Reckoning]

umm no men arent getting married because the feminist movement made it seem like ALL men are chauvinists, and quite frankly men were fed up with it.

now we have so many forms of entertainment that we dont need wives anymore, not the opposite.

shit lets go ahead and let women get an education and jobs...good for them! however, somethings got to give, and most often the case that is a working relationship, especially when modern education tends to demonize white males as naturally malicious.

fuck it. we'll stay home without kids, entertain ourselves, work hard and not have to deal with the stress that comes with raising a family because for the first time in history, we dont have to.

[FkLA]

Some of yall sound just as bad as the bitter old woman in the article tbh. There are alot of worthless whores out there but there are also some good women, you just have to take the time. Too many nlggas make the mistake of of rushing shit, I see too many people my age wanting to move in with their girl within months of dating or wanting to marry/have kids within a year or so. Most of these nlggas arent financially stable either. I think when you go about shit like that, then you cant really complain when a couple of years later youre divorced and paying child support.

$$$+5 yrs dating (minimum)=succesful marriage the majority of the time imo

[m>s]

marriage is a lopsided deal and if you are a guy and married, you must be a retard. maybe there IS true love in the world, however if you still haven't found it in your early 30s the chance is your probably never gonna get any of it. just be a MF'N CELIBATE and enjoy your life findawg

don't like em dont trust em, just "FUCK" them all

[FkLA]

With all of you men out there who think that having a thousand different ladies is pretty cool, I have learned in my life I've found out that having one woman a thousand different times is much more satisfying.- Wilt the Stilt

not trying to be beta but wilt speaks the truth imo

[ChuckD]

With all of you men out there who think that having a thousand different ladies is pretty cool, I have learned in my life I've found out that having one woman a thousand different times is much more satisfying.- Wilt the Stilt

not trying to be beta but wilt speaks the truth imo

Is this the same Wilt that allegedly fucked 10,000 women? Not a very good person to make your case for settling down.

[tp2021]

Is this the same Wilt that allegedly fucked 10,000 women? Not a very good person to make your case for settling down.

I would argue the OPPOSITE since he's one man we can trust has actually seen both sides of the coin!

[spursfan09]

I think Marraige is just a commitment, and too many people just care about themselves and only themselves. There's nothing wrong with that IMO, but if you get married, you are responsible for the other person well being. So I think it's better to recognize that marriage isn't for you then to go through with one.

[Findog]

Damn, Fin! Now that's crazy. Two kids with two separate dudes and only one known dad would've had me out of there. I can't imagine how he felt when he found that diary. I'd have definitely seen red. I hope he didn't hang on to her much longer after that. I'd have gotten my kid then gotten out of it as soon as possible.

He immediately initiated divorce proceedings when he found out what she was up to. Turns out she has substance abuse issues, so he has primary physical custody. I'm not even sure she gets supervised visitation. You have to be one messed up bitch to not get primary physical custody.

[Viva Las Espuelas]

He immediately initiated divorce proceedings when he found out what she was up to. Turns out she has substance abuse issues, so he has primary physical custody. I'm not even sure she gets supervised visitation. You have to be one messed up bitch to not get primary physical custody.

He struck gold! :lol