How do I get my ex back?

[anti_troll]

I know all the guys that post here are big pimps so I thought this would be the best place to ask this question and get some advice.

My girlfriend and I, ahem, ex girlfriend, dated for about 5 years off and on. It was more off and on towards the end, we just couldn't make it work and fought too much. I've now been trying to get back together with her for like a year because we are two different people now and I know we can make it work. She loves me but is not so sure just because of all the problems we had in the past. Too make matters more complicated and emotions more intense, we have a child together.

I'm ready to start/be a family now but she is just nervous because she wants to know 100% for sure that she is making the right decision. What can I do to help convince her?

I've done all the obvious things: improve myself, always be there for her and our son, be a good provider, in good with her family, etc etc.

What I'm doing wrong I think is kind of pressuring her a little too much sometimes, telling her I love her all the time (too much), not playing hard to get, being unnecessarily suspicious of her and how she spends her time away from me (my mind creates these ridiculous ideas about her fucking other guys or dating others guys - I know it's not true, but it's the only reason my overactive imagination can come up with for why she is dragging her feet and doesn't want to be with me).

What do all you guys and girls think? Be cool, give legitimate advice or gtfo.

[vato loco]

i'd bet money that she's fucking someone else

[cantthinkofanything]

Send me a sawbuck and I'll tell her to go home.

Also, I went ahead and started you a family in her.

[anti_troll]

Nah, she's not fucking anyone, she's always either at work or with me

[cantthinkofanything]

Nah, she's not fucking anyone, she's always either at work or with me

right...at work.

[cantthinkofanything]

You may be OK though. Most of the families I tried to start were in her mouth or butt.

[CosmicCowboy]

You are probably OK now. apalisoc_9 locked her out and is swearing he won't open the door again.

[Viva Las Espuelas]

Nah, she's not fucking anyone, she's always either at work or with me

You should read Findog's last thread.

[anti_troll]

Her having sex with others is honestly an unrealistic concern I have. I just have an overactive imagination, so let's move on.

[silverblk mystix]

i'd bet money that she's fucking someone else

Yup.

but here's the solution....is she hot?...nevermind who am I kidding-I'd fuck a rattlesnake if you hold it's head...

Send her to me....I'll turn her out for you ...really good...for about 6-9 months....then I'll treat her like shit.....


she'll run right back to you because you are a safe bet.


You're welcome.

[anti_troll]

Lol so far everyone who has responded has never even seen a girl naked in real life, minus cosmiccowboy, strip clubs don't count. Any real men have some advice?

[silverblk mystix]

Lol so far everyone who has responded has never even seen a girl naked in real life, minus cosmiccowboy, strip clubs don't count. Any real men have some advice?

Ok...here's the truth...

Forget about her. You can never go back home.

It is better to start new with someone new....you and the ex already had a shot...this can never be erased and women can never forget.

Once you find out shit she did while you were apart ---you won't forget either---and you sound like you would harass her until she told you the truth but you don't really want the truth....you REALLY don't want the truth and you REALLY can't handle the truth.

So, be smart....find some fresh meat. When you do find something new, don't fuck things up and you will always have someone that you can respect and that respects you...this is something that you will never recover with your ex...respect that is.

[apalisoc_9]

You are probably OK now. apalisoc_9 locked her out and is swearing he won't open the door again.

:lol

[anti_troll]

Ok...here's the truth...

Forget about her. You can never go back home.

It is better to start new with someone new....you and the ex already had a shot...this can never be erased and women can never forget.

Once you find out shit she did while you were apart ---you won't forget either---and you sound like you would harass her until she told you the truth but you don't really want the truth....you REALLY don't want the truth and you REALLY can't handle the truth.

So, be smart....find some fresh meat. When you do find something new, don't fuck things up and you will always have someone that you can respect and that respects you...this is something that you will never recover with your ex...respect that is.

We've lost each others repect? When did that happen?

[lefty]

http://bestpenileenlargement.com/wp-content/uploads/banner-penis.gif

[anti_troll]

http://bestpenileenlargement.com/wp-content/uploads/banner-penis.gif

I'm hung, our sex life was great, next!

[anti_troll]

Actually, what I meant was is great, we still sleep together

[mavs>spurs]

ex's are ex's for a reason brah

[anti_troll]

If we didn't have a kid together, maybe I wouldn't feel this way. But the heart wants what it wants, and I want her.

[mavs>spurs]

weak pussy n1gga shit

[anti_troll]

Being in love is some weak pussy Luck_The_Fakers_Luck_The_Fakers_Luck_The_Fakers_Lu ck_The_Fakers_Luck_The_Fakers_ shit? OK

[lefty]

I'm hung, our sex life was great, next!
Uhoh

I think I struck a nerve



So she did leave you for you tiny dick

[anti_troll]

I just said no, lefty. Not everyone is tiny like you.

[apalisoc_9]

If we didn't have a kid together, maybe I wouldn't feel this way. But the heart wants what it wants, and I want her.

When did you guys break up?

Do you really want to do this? A couple of years ago, I wanted my ex back badly. I was inlove and was doing all sorts of shit just to get back with her. She was Perfect..Good looking, Intelligent, not your typical dumb whore. But The more i tried the more i realized it was over for us.

Srsly though, if she doesnt want it dont force it. You would only put yourself into heartache..

[z0sa]

you don't.. i mean, it's either gonna happen or it won't. right now i'd care more about making sure your kid is gonna be alright through this.

and you won't get any (more fine) women unless you change your attitude and start acting like you've got a pair, homie. theres tens of millions of women out there you would like, ya dig

[NewcastleKEG]

Few quick thoughts

- Women are different than men. Once they push that switch and ''get over'' you, it's VERY difficult and unlikely they will regain those feelings towards you. Women are very specific about the differences:

LOVING YOU vs BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU

Guys are more likely to 'settle' and stay with a girl that is fun (or here at the time) even though you are not truly head and shoulders in love with her. Girls want to be moving in a direction OR they will seek a replacement. Remember there are countless guys daily promising and influencing girls. In a way you are already behind the 8 ball because you already broke up.


- If you didn't have a child together I'd say cut your loses and move on

- If you truly love her then whether she hooked up with someone else during your off and on break shouldn't matter. Silverblk Mystix makes a great point in this regard

- If you want to get back together you have to COMPLETELY wipe the slate clean and that means forgetting and moving past any and everything from the past. You almost have to act like you are strangers and a brand new couple. This is WAY easier said than done and usually what ends up dooming a relationships 2nd effort.

Because ultimately a relationship is a two-way street so even if you are the perfect BF, there is no guaranteeing it will work. It is also important you stand your ground. Your post implies that you realize you are pressuring her and it's back firing. You can't force the relationship so it's key you move past any guilt & regret you hold on yourself. Will you be able to hold her accountable like you would a regular chick OR will you bend & try and compensate because you fucked up in the past and feel bad for her?


Overall the general rule on relationship breakups is you should avoid contact for half the time you dated. So roughly 5 years, you guys should have gone separate ways for 1-2 years and worked on yourselves. Then you get back in contact and she will be excited about the new you and possibilty of the new couple.

But you did the whole off/on, going on a break and so on route. This usually does not work. Because you've basically gone through a slow and steady 1,2 year relationship death. It's difficult to regain the raw emotion when you've been in constant contact.

Remember there is a thin line between love and hate. When you go through a slow relationship death like that, your emotions towards each other are slowly dying. She probably views you now as a burden and responsibility. You are not the escape and exciting/fun person that another guy can be to her.

If not for the kid I'd say you are VERY unlikely to get back together and have a worthwhile relationship but I think she is willing to give you another chance.

[NewcastleKEG]

Few quick thoughts

- Women are different than men. Once they push that switch and ''get over'' you, it's VERY difficult and unlikely they will regain those feelings towards you. Women are very specific about the differences:

LOVING YOU vs BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU

Guys are more likely to 'settle' and stay with a girl that is fun (or here at the time) even though you are not truly head and shoulders in love with her. Girls want to be moving in a direction OR they will seek a replacement. Remember there are countless guys daily promising and influencing girls. In a way you are already behind the 8 ball because you already broke up.


- If you didn't have a child together I'd say cut your loses and move on

- If you truly love her then whether she hooked up with someone else during your off and on break shouldn't matter. Silverblk Mystix makes a great point in this regard

- If you want to get back together you have to COMPLETELY wipe the slate clean and that means forgetting and moving past any and everything from the past. You almost have to act like you are strangers and a brand new couple. This is WAY easier said than done and usually what ends up dooming a relationships 2nd effort.

Because ultimately a relationship is a two-way street so even if you are the perfect BF, there is no guaranteeing it will work. It is also important you stand your ground. Your post implies that you realize you are pressuring her and it's back firing. You can't force the relationship so it's key you move past any guilt & regret you hold on yourself. Will you be able to hold her accountable like you would a regular chick OR will you bend & try and compensate because you fucked up in the past and feel bad for her?


Overall the general rule on relationship breakups is you should avoid contact for half the time you dated. So roughly 5 years, you guys should have gone separate ways for 1-2 years and worked on yourselves. Then you get back in contact and she will be excited about the new you and possibilty of the new couple.

But you did the whole off/on, going on a break and so on route. This usually does not work. Because you've basically gone through a slow and steady 1,2 year relationship death. It's difficult to regain the raw emotion when you've been in constant contact.

Remember there is a thin line between love and hate. When you go through a slow relationship death like that, your emotions towards each other are slowly dying. She probably views you now as a burden and responsibility. You are not the escape and exciting/fun person that another guy can be to her.

If not for the kid I'd say you are VERY unlikely to get back together and have a worthwhile relationship but I think she is willing to give you another chance.

[vato loco]

allright i tried to be nice, but listen you pussy ass fuckin bitch...

if she's still sleeping with u it's bc ur the only sure dick in her life, if u were more than just dick she would've gotten back with you by now. stop hanging out or doing anything with that fuckin skank if you're actually looking for a meaningful relationship, bc she doesn't seem to be looking for that...if you don't care then keep fucking that fuckin wannabe pornstar slut otherwise let it go u pussy.

[koriwhat]

ass to mouth and then leave her high and dry. fuck her face like you're trying to rip her ears off and trust me, the satisfaction of humiliating her while she gurgles up your family portrait will be worth it afterwards because she's probably got some other dude's family on her chest already.

ex's need to stay just that, ex'd.

[Wild Cobra]

You could send her flowers, maybe a gift, and a letter saying what you believe. If that doesn't work, forget about her. Move on with your life.

[CavsSuperFan]

Any real men have some advice?

I am not sure that being 45, living with Mother and keeping the same paper rout that I have had since I was 12 years old qualifies me as being a real man but I do have some words of wisdom to offer…

Q- Do you know why divorce is so expensive?
A- Because it is worth it!

[anti_troll]

When did you guys break up?

Do you really want to do this? A couple of years ago, I wanted my ex back badly. I was inlove and was doing all sorts of shit just to get back with her. She was Perfect..Good looking, Intelligent, not your typical dumb whore. But The more i tried the more i realized it was over for us.

Srsly though, if she doesnt want it dont force it. You would only put yourself into heartache..

We broke up about two years ago. I am pretty convinced that this is what I want, she's not perfect but neither am I. The thought of another man moving in is what kills me, as it is now I'm with them almost every single day, can't imagine what it would be like if she met another guy and I got phased out. I mean, my son would always be mine and I'd get him as much, if something like that happened, as I do now, but there would still be another man living and waking up with my woman and my son. The thought of it drives me crazy.

And it's not just that, I love her. I love her face and her voice and her smell and all that gushy stuff.

What made you realize that it wasn't meant to be with you and your ex?

[anti_troll]

you don't.. i mean, it's either gonna happen or it won't. right now i'd care more about making sure your kid is gonna be alright through this.

and you won't get any (more fine) women unless you change your attitude and start acting like you've got a pair, homie. theres tens of millions of women out there you would like, ya dig

Yeah I just have to let what's going to happen... happen. I feel like I need to be more proactive though. I do need to grow a pair, so to speak. Back when she was madly in love with me, I didn't give a shit whether she liked me or not. I had all the power, now it's the complete opposite, I need to take some of that power back... I have an idea how, but what would you guys do to achieve that?

[cantthinkofanything]

Yeah I just have to let what's going to happen... happen. I feel like I need to be more proactive though. I do need to grow a pair, so to speak. Back when she was madly in love with me, I didn't give a shit whether she liked me or not. I had all the power, now it's the complete opposite, I need to take some of that power back... I have an idea how, but what would you guys do to achieve that?

Step 1 : Quit seeking advice from Spurstalk

[anti_troll]

Few quick thoughts

- Women are different than men. Once they push that switch and ''get over'' you, it's VERY difficult and unlikely they will regain those feelings towards you. Women are very specific about the differences:

LOVING YOU vs BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU

Guys are more likely to 'settle' and stay with a girl that is fun (or here at the time) even though you are not truly head and shoulders in love with her. Girls want to be moving in a direction OR they will seek a replacement. Remember there are countless guys daily promising and influencing girls. In a way you are already behind the 8 ball because you already broke up.


- If you didn't have a child together I'd say cut your loses and move on

- If you truly love her then whether she hooked up with someone else during your off and on break shouldn't matter. Silverblk Mystix makes a great point in this regard

- If you want to get back together you have to COMPLETELY wipe the slate clean and that means forgetting and moving past any and everything from the past. You almost have to act like you are strangers and a brand new couple. This is WAY easier said than done and usually what ends up dooming a relationships 2nd effort.

Because ultimately a relationship is a two-way street so even if you are the perfect BF, there is no guaranteeing it will work. It is also important you stand your ground. Your post implies that you realize you are pressuring her and it's back firing. You can't force the relationship so it's key you move past any guilt & regret you hold on yourself. Will you be able to hold her accountable like you would a regular chick OR will you bend & try and compensate because you fucked up in the past and feel bad for her?


Overall the general rule on relationship breakups is you should avoid contact for half the time you dated. So roughly 5 years, you guys should have gone separate ways for 1-2 years and worked on yourselves. Then you get back in contact and she will be excited about the new you and possibilty of the new couple.

But you did the whole off/on, going on a break and so on route. This usually does not work. Because you've basically gone through a slow and steady 1,2 year relationship death. It's difficult to regain the raw emotion when you've been in constant contact.

Remember there is a thin line between love and hate. When you go through a slow relationship death like that, your emotions towards each other are slowly dying. She probably views you now as a burden and responsibility. You are not the escape and exciting/fun person that another guy can be to her.

If not for the kid I'd say you are VERY unlikely to get back together and have a worthwhile relationship but I think she is willing to give you another chance.

Great advice man, you pretty much nailed it. I don't want to be a burden or responsibility to her and I don't think she sees me as that, but she does tell me sometimes that she got asked out on a date and declined because of me. Not because she is not allowed to, but I guess because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings or run me off for good. I told her if she does ever fuck a guy then I'll be done with her, I couldn't take that. But I never told her she couldn't go on a date. I asked her if she minded if I went out on a date since she is dragging her feet so much and may never come around, she said she doesnt want me to, but yeah I can do whatever I want also.

[cantthinkofanything]

Great advice man, you pretty much nailed it. I don't want to be a burden or responsibility to her and I don't think she sees me as that, but she does tell me sometimes that she got asked out on a date and declined because of me. Not because she is not allowed to, but I guess because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings or run me off for good. I told her if she does ever fuck a guy then I'll be done with her, I couldn't take that. But I never told her she couldn't go on a date. I asked her if she minded if I went out on a date since she is dragging her feet so much and may never come around, she said she doesnt want me to, but yeah I can do whatever I want also.

Put a fork in it. This relationship is done.

[anti_troll]

allright i tried to be nice, but listen you pussy ass fuckin bitch...

if she's still sleeping with u it's bc ur the only sure dick in her life, if u were more than just dick she would've gotten back with you by now. stop hanging out or doing anything with that fuckin skank if you're actually looking for a meaningful relationship, bc she doesn't seem to be looking for that...if you don't care then keep fucking that fuckin wannabe pornstar slut otherwise let it go u pussy.

:lol wannabe pornstar slut? I can see you know what you're talking about.

:lmao

[anti_troll]

You could send her flowers, maybe a gift, and a letter saying what you believe. If that doesn't work, forget about her. Move on with your life.

I do things for her all the time, go to Xmas with her family, give her nice gifts for birthdays, mothersday, Xmas, etc. Buy her flowers when I take her out on a date. I even wrote her a nice 4 page letter getting everything out in the open. That I think is what made her turn the corner. A week or two later she said for the first time in a long time, she could see herself being with me again. But yet here we are again with her dragging her feet. I just need to take control of the situation and get my power back. She told me the other day that "the most attractive thing is not caring (about getting back together)"

[thispego]

Date other girls, when she has competition for you her true feelings for you will come out. Maybe she is "dragging her feet" because she knows you'll be there waiting for her as long as she wants to make you wait???

[I. Hustle]

How can you understand what she is saying when some dude has his cawk in her mouth?

[cantthinkofanything]

WC trolled by anti_troll

[cantthinkofanything]

Wait...does she like grapefruit?

[I. Hustle]

You know what, keep doing the power struggle thing. That always works out. Listen to the dipshits that tell you how to trick her into wanting to get back with you because deception is a building block of awesome relationships.

[cantthinkofanything]

What's her name?

[apalisoc_9]

We broke up about two years ago. I am pretty convinced that this is what I want, she's not perfect but neither am I. The thought of another man moving in is what kills me, as it is now I'm with them almost every single day, can't imagine what it would be like if she met another guy and I got phased out. I mean, my son would always be mine and I'd get him as much, if something like that happened, as I do now, but there would still be another man living and waking up with my woman and my son. The thought of it drives me crazy.

And it's not just that, I love her. I love her face and her voice and her smell and all that gushy stuff.

What made you realize that it wasn't meant to be with you and your ex?

Two years and you're still not over her? That is alot of love...But then again you see each other everyday so im not surprised. Did you actually try to forget about her when you guys broke up?

I can understand trying to work things out for your sons sake, but seems to me you're more worried about you guys than your son. I'd say if you badly really want her back, Show it. Treat Her nice, Dont be doing all those Mind games with her the make yourself less available, or any of those. Treat her like a man and show her that you genuinely want her back not because of your son but because of her.

You have been together long enough and had a son already to start doing the make myself less available game.

As for my ex, she had another guy 6 months after we broke up.

Srsly though, You guys have son together that should work out for you. Dont use it as a reason but im pretty sure that is alreast in the back of her mind.

[anti_troll]

You know what, keep doing the power struggle thing. That always works out. Listen to the dipshits that tell you how to trick her into wanting to get back with you because deception is a building block of awesome relationships.

I'm not trying to trick or deceive her, wtf??? I'm trying to get her to fall back in love with me, which she is not far off from doing. It's not. Power struggle between her and I, it's about me having some backbone and not acting so needy for a relationship with her again.

I can tell your relationship is not what you want it to be as well.

[cantthinkofanything]

I'm not trying to trick or deceive her, wtf??? I'm trying to get her to fall back in love with me, which she is not far off from doing. It's not. Power struggle between her and I, it's about me having some backbone and not acting so needy for a relationship with her again.

I can tell your relationship is not what you want it to be as well.

Backoff right there. I realize you're new here but you need to catch up quickly. IHustle lost his wife in a LARP accident.

[anti_troll]

Two years and you're still not over her? That is alot of love...But then again you see each other everyday so im not surprised. Did you actually try to forget about her when you guys broke up?

I can understand trying to work things out for your sons sake, but seems to me you're more worried about you guys than your son. I'd say if you badly really want her back, Show it. Treat Her nice, Dont be doing all those Mind games with her the make yourself less available, or any of those. Treat her like a man and show her that you genuinely want her back not because of your son but because of her.

You have been together long enough and had a son already to start doing the make myself less available game.

As for my ex, she had another guy 6 months after we broke up.

Srsly though, You guys have son together that should work out for you. Dont use it as a reason but im pretty sure that is alreast in the back of her mind.

I'm the one that broke it off initially, she was in love with me and had to force herself to fall out of love with me. Now for the past year/year and a half I have been trying to get her back. Actually now that I think about it we've been broken up closer to three years.

[anti_troll]

Backoff right there. I realize you're new here but you need to catch up quickly. IHustle lost his wife in a LARP accident.

I've been lurking for 10 years, I know what's up.

[Trainwreck2100]

stop acting like a 40 year old girl whose biological clock is ticking and she might say whats up

[cantthinkofanything]

I've been lurking for 10 years, I know what's up.

If that's the case, then you have the full explanation for why you and your boyfriend may be having problems.

[I. Hustle]

I'm not trying to trick or deceive her, wtf??? I'm trying to get her to fall back in love with me, which she is not far off from doing. It's not. Power struggle between her and I, it's about me having some backbone and not acting so needy for a relationship with her again.

I can tell your relationship is not what you want it to be as well.

You are right. If I had only lied more to her instead of telling her about my LARPing she might still be here.


Wwwwwhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyy didn't I lie?!

[anti_troll]

stop acting like a 40 year old girl whose biological clock is ticking and she might say whats up

Time IS ticking because like I said, if she fucks another guy then we will never be together again. This is a great girl and if I don't lock her up now then I may very well lose her for good. Time is of the essence.

[anti_troll]

and you don't know what it's like to not be able to wake up every morning in the same house as your son and woman you love. I feel like I miss so much, I probably don't since I'm with them all the time, but missing anything is too much for a father.

[anti_troll]

Two years and you're still not over her? That is alot of love...But then again you see each other everyday so im not surprised. Did you actually try to forget about her when you guys broke up?

I can understand trying to work things out for your sons sake, but seems to me you're more worried about you guys than your son. I'd say if you badly really want her back, Show it. Treat Her nice, Dont be doing all those Mind games with her the make yourself less available, or any of those. Treat her like a man and show her that you genuinely want her back not because of your son but because of her.

You have been together long enough and had a son already to start doing the make myself less available game.

As for my ex, she had another guy 6 months after we broke up.

Srsly though, You guys have son together that should work out for you. Dont use it as a reason but im pretty sure that is alreast in the back of her mind.

Man, everything I do and think is for that little guy. He and his mother are the two most important things to me in the world. My motives are righteous, I promise you.

[cantthinkofanything]

Good lord troll. Suck it up. At least you get to spend time with them. What about all the children who never met their parents. Or the parents that had to bury their children. Enjoy the life you live, not the one you think you should have.

[CuckingFunt]

Not sure the point of fucking someone you can't have a conversation with.

[anti_troll]

Not sure the point of fucking someone you can't have a conversation with.

What do you mean?

[I. Hustle]

Time IS ticking because like I said, if she fucks another guy then we will never be together again. This is a great girl and if I don't lock her up now then I may very well lose her for good. Time is of the essence.

So basically you are just trying before she gets dicked down? Lol that's sad.

[I. Hustle]

Not sure the point of fucking someone you can't have a conversation with.

Uuuummmm any young single guy's dream

[CuckingFunt]

What do you mean?

I mean that it sounds like this is a problem you're trying to solve more through game playing and manipulation than conversation.

Whether you're trying to manipulate her into taking you back, or she's manipulating you to get what she wants without giving you the same, nothing is going to change if you stay the course. Talk shit out. Let her know what you want from the relationship, and why, and what you're willing to give, and encourage her to let you know whether or not she's interested in the same. If she is, move forward. If she's not, or she refuses to make her intentions clear, then it ain't gonna happen and you need to be the one to walk away.

[anti_troll]

Good lord troll. Suck it up. At least you get to spend time with them. What about all the children who never met their parents. Or the parents that had to bury their children. Enjoy the life you live, not the one you think you should have.

Good advice, but things could be so much better with them in my life permanently. I mean he is in my life permanently, but she may not be. Life is good now, but it could be everything I want it to be if we could just be a family.

[cantthinkofanything]

Good advice, but things could be so much better with them in my life permanently. I mean he is in my life permanently, but she may not be. Life is good now, but it could be everything I want it to be if we could just be a family.

You get what you get and don't throw a fit.

[anti_troll]

I mean that it sounds like this is a problem you're trying to solve more through game playing and manipulation than conversation.

Whether you're trying to manipulate her into taking you back, or she's manipulating you to get what she wants without giving you the same, nothing is going to change if you stay the course. Talk shit out. Let her know what you want from the relationship, and why, and what you're willing to give, and encourage her to let you know whether or not she's interested in the same. If she is, move forward. If she's not, or she refuses to make her intentions clear, then it ain't gonna happen and you need to be the one to walk away.

Funt I'm glad you responded because you remind me a lot of her. We talk all the time about where our relationship is going and I've dug it into the ground. She knows I want to put a ring on her finger and knows how much I love her and how I'll do anything for her. It is no secret and we talk about it all the time, to the point where she is annoyed by it. Like I said I need to stop pressuring her and just let what's going to happen-happen. Maybe you could give me some advice on what you would want to hear or see from a man in this situation if it were you.

Again, I don't know why people think I'm trying to manipulate or trick her, I'm completely up front with her about everything. I have no secrets with this girl.

[anti_troll]

You get what you get and don't throw a fit.

That's right, and I'm trying to be a man about it, there's gotta be a way to get what I want though. Oddly enough, this thread has helped, I've got a pretty good idea of how to move forward from here.

[Sancha]

Aye papi! I missed your ass so much too! Which little puto is yours again? Let's have another one and shit.

[cantthinkofanything]

That's right, and I'm trying to be a man about it, there's gotta be a way to get what I want though. Oddly enough, this thread has helped, I've got a pretty good idea of how to move forward from here.

mBorwKJ_Ibw

[mrsmaalox]

Did you guys attempt the domestic-bliss-loving-family thing back when your son was born? If not, why not? And if you did, who broke it off? If she was the one who resisted/ended it, then I think it's safe to say that maybe she believes that is just not the life for her and there's probably nothing you can do to change that. If you were the one who resisted /ended it, then it may be a trust issue. She may not be convinced that you would never leave her again.

Also, you swear you love her and your son, but in her eyes (as well as mine) it could appear that you are driven by the desperation of not losing your son. She might see all your actions of trying to keep her as "just for show"; because as long as you keep her close, you are able to have your son.

It's a tough situation you're in, that's for sure, but I don't see a quick fix for you. Clinging and pressuring absolutely won't work. You've got to concentrate on being a good, caring person and put your efforts into making a good life for your son. Who knows, she may need to explore another relationship in order to know more clearly what she wants. And when she compares you to someone else, you'll have a huge advantage because you will have demonstrated you are a good father.

[Phenomanul]

OP: How do I gat my ex beck?

You pull har out of tha traa...

[anti_troll]

"domestic-bliss-loving-family thing"

What is this exactly? We have never been so close to being a couple in the past three years since we broke up as we are right now. I was trying to be a family at that time but she was still out of love with me because of the hurt I caused her when I broke things off with her.

And I'll never lose my son, I've already proven to be one of the greatest fathers alive (in her eyes) and likewise, I've never seen a better mother. I think she's pretty well convinced that's it's not all about our son and it's her that I want to be with. She brings up sometimes well what happens in 18 years when he is gone? It'll be just the two of us, I want to make sure that we'll work when it's just us two.

[anti_troll]

You pull har out of tha traa...

?

[Phenomanul]

?

Sorry... Riddler style response... swapped the letter "a" with the letter "e"...

[Sportcamper]

LMAO@ Sancha....You really are from La Puente CA right?:lol

[Wild Cobra]

I do things for her all the time, go to Xmas with her family, give her nice gifts for birthdays, mothersday, Xmas, etc. Buy her flowers when I take her out on a date. I even wrote her a nice 4 page letter getting everything out in the open. That I think is what made her turn the corner. A week or two later she said for the first time in a long time, she could see herself being with me again. But yet here we are again with her dragging her feet. I just need to take control of the situation and get my power back. She told me the other day that "the most attractive thing is not caring (about getting back together)"
Then walk away. The next move is hers.

[anti_troll]

Yep, you're right WC

[silverblk mystix]

Time IS ticking because like I said, if she fucks another guy then we will never be together again. This is a great girl and if I don't lock her up now then I may very well lose her for good. Time is of the essence.

Imagine that your perspective is a camera looking out at the world, ok?
Now...in your view all you can see is your girl right in front of the camera and almost nothing else because it is a really close up shot and her face is blocking everything else...


Now...move or pan away from this shot...keep going farther and farther back....the view now includes the rest of the world...you can see everything else and your girl is now pretty far away....but you still see her but she looks a little hazy....

This will give you an idea of where to start...just back off a whole lot....see everything in the world and your girl is a small part of it...go on with life...be a good person if that is who you are and treat her as good as you treat everyone else if this is what you do...

Live your life as if she was just a small part of it and act as if she is another part of your world....

This will give you some detachment, some proper perspective and most importantly she will see you as you really are...if she is comfortable with what she sees and she still has natural feelings for you she will be drawn naturally to you because you will just be yourself and you won't be suffocating her....this might get her to naturally realize that she really likes the man you are and that she might want to be a part of your world.

[CuckingFunt]

Funt I'm glad you responded because you remind me a lot of her. We talk all the time about where our relationship is going and I've dug it into the ground. She knows I want to put a ring on her finger and knows how much I love her and how I'll do anything for her. It is no secret and we talk about it all the time, to the point where she is annoyed by it. Like I said I need to stop pressuring her and just let what's going to happen-happen. Maybe you could give me some advice on what you would want to hear or see from a man in this situation if it were you.

Again, I don't know why people think I'm trying to manipulate or trick her, I'm completely up front with her about everything. I have no secrets with this girl.

If she were anything like me, she wouldn't be sleeping with you still. And I don't mean that as an insult, but rather in the sense that getting into bed with an ex who was trying to pressure me into a relationship that I didn't want is just about the last thing I would ever do.

You say you're not manipulating her, and insofar as you're being up front and honest that might be true, but there is still an element of your thought process/actions in which you're hoping that there will be some magical moment in which the nobility of your intent will be proved and she will suddenly be ready to enter back into a relationship with you. If you've told her honestly that you want to get back into a relationship, and she has expressed disinterest (to the point of calling your pursuit annoying), then your continued pressure becomes a guilt trip, which is absolutely a form of manipulation.

If there was a relationship in the past, and if you two work well together in the raising of your son (and, additionally, if you respect each other's abilities as parent/provider), there are almost certainly still feelings on both parts. Making the whole thing likely as confusing and frustrating for her as for you. But if you're pressuring for a relationship, and she's telling you honestly that she's not interested (or not ready) to go back down that route, sleeping with you is almost certainly pity sex. Which is horribly unfair to both of you, as it only serves to muddle and mix up already confused feelings.

You've asked/suggested. She's answered. Time to back off. As others have said, the ball is in her court. You have to leave her alone (other than as required in parenting, of course) to let her figure out how she wants to respond. Additionally, you have to be prepared for the fact she just may not ever want to get back into a romantic relationship with you. That she may even pursue a romantic relationship with someone else.

[NewcastleKEG]

Did you guys attempt the domestic-bliss-loving-family thing back when your son was born? If not, why not? And if you did, who broke it off? If she was the one who resisted/ended it, then I think it's safe to say that maybe she believes that is just not the life for her and there's probably nothing you can do to change that. If you were the one who resisted /ended it, then it may be a trust issue. She may not be convinced that you would never leave her again.

Also, you swear you love her and your son, but in her eyes (as well as mine) it could appear that you are driven by the desperation of not losing your son. She might see all your actions of trying to keep her as "just for show"; because as long as you keep her close, you are able to have your son.

It's a tough situation you're in, that's for sure, but I don't see a quick fix for you. Clinging and pressuring absolutely won't work. You've got to concentrate on being a good, caring person and put your efforts into making a good life for your son. Who knows, she may need to explore another relationship in order to know more clearly what she wants. And when she compares you to someone else, you'll have a huge advantage because you will have demonstrated you are a good father.
^ Ding Ding

Sadly, the fastest way for you to have her back in your life is for her to go out, experiment, meet ''another douche bag'' and she will come back to you.

Telling her stuff like ''If you fuck a guy, then we are through'' is EXACTLY the kinda stuff you shouldn't be saying. Think about it, people (especially girls) are drawn to things they are told not to do. If you truly love her and truly want to be with her forever, then why should it matter if she fucks another guy as long as it ''meant nothing and showed me I wanted you back''.

Your going at this wrong. The first and foremost thing you must do is lay off the pressure. You already stated that the roles are reversed, she is in control. The more you push the more she will try to avoid you and that will push her into the arms of another. You are not a regular ex couple because you share a child. IMO, this gives you more ''time'' & opportunities. Let's be honest man. The chances that she will meet a good guy that is willing to father her child....is very low. Your kinda like that couple that shares an apartment but are broken up. You still hold very powerful cards in your deck so stop acting like this a NOW or NEVER situation

[I. Hustle]

If she's not too fat I'll bone her to help you out. Don't worry I won't let the skank fall in love

[anti_troll]

Imagine that your perspective is a camera looking out at the world, ok?
Now...in your view all you can see is your girl right in front of the camera and almost nothing else because it is a really close up shot and her face is blocking everything else...


Now...move or pan away from this shot...keep going farther and farther back....the view now includes the rest of the world...you can see everything else and your girl is now pretty far away....but you still see her but she looks a little hazy....

This will give you an idea of where to start...just back off a whole lot....see everything in the world and your girl is a small part of it...go on with life...be a good person if that is who you are and treat her as good as you treat everyone else if this is what you do...

Live your life as if she was just a small part of it and act as if she is another part of your world....

This will give you some detachment, some proper perspective and most importantly she will see you as you really are...if she is comfortable with what she sees and she still has natural feelings for you she will be drawn naturally to you because you will just be yourself and you won't be suffocating her....this might get her to naturally realize that she really likes the man you are and that she might want to be a part of your world.


If she were anything like me, she wouldn't be sleeping with you still. And I don't mean that as an insult, but rather in the sense that getting into bed with an ex who was trying to pressure me into a relationship that I didn't want is just about the last thing I would ever do.

You say you're not manipulating her, and insofar as you're being up front and honest that might be true, but there is still an element of your thought process/actions in which you're hoping that there will be some magical moment in which the nobility of your intent will be proved and she will suddenly be ready to enter back into a relationship with you. If you've told her honestly that you want to get back into a relationship, and she has expressed disinterest (to the point of calling your pursuit annoying), then your continued pressure becomes a guilt trip, which is absolutely a form of manipulation.

If there was a relationship in the past, and if you two work well together in the raising of your son (and, additionally, if you respect each other's abilities as parent/provider), there are almost certainly still feelings on both parts. Making the whole thing likely as confusing and frustrating for her as for you. But if you're pressuring for a relationship, and she's telling you honestly that she's not interested (or not ready) to go back down that route, sleeping with you is almost certainly pity sex. Which is horribly unfair to both of you, as it only serves to muddle and mix up already confused feelings.

You've asked/suggested. She's answered. Time to back off. As others have said, the ball is in her court. You have to leave her alone (other than as required in parenting, of course) to let her figure out how she wants to respond. Additionally, you have to be prepared for the fact she just may not ever want to get back into a romantic relationship with you. That she may even pursue a romantic relationship with someone else.


^ Ding Ding

Sadly, the fastest way for you to have her back in your life is for her to go out, experiment, meet ''another douche bag'' and she will come back to you.

Telling her stuff like ''If you fuck a guy, then we are through'' is EXACTLY the kinda stuff you shouldn't be saying. Think about it, people (especially girls) are drawn to things they are told not to do. If you truly love her and truly want to be with her forever, then why should it matter if she fucks another guy as long as it ''meant nothing and showed me I wanted you back''.

Your going at this wrong. The first and foremost thing you must do is lay off the pressure. You already stated that the roles are reversed, she is in control. The more you push the more she will try to avoid you and that will push her into the arms of another. You are not a regular ex couple because you share a child. IMO, this gives you more ''time'' & opportunities. Let's be honest man. The chances that she will meet a good guy that is willing to father her child....is very low. Your kinda like that couple that shares an apartment but are broken up. You still hold very powerful cards in your deck so stop acting like this a NOW or NEVER situation
Guys, this is exactly why I started this thread. This is the exact kind of shit I needed to hear. Basically... Back Off. She knows what I want, now I have to let her make a non-pressured, genuine decision based her feelings and not mine. I can't guilt her into a relationship I can't use logic to convince her into one. I know in my heart that she will choose a life with me, there is just something hanging her up and it may have been my behavior that was the hang up all along.

Cuckingfunt... I lied, we've only had sex 3 times in the past year and a half... Don't know why i lied to you strangers but I guess I felt like it helped my case. It most certainly wasn't pity sex though because she initiated it and I have never pressured her into sex except for when we were dating and had sex constantly. We did have a great sex life though, so that is certainly not the issue.

Newcastlekeg, you are right, I should give her ultimatums. She doesn't even want to have sex with other guys and I'm sitting her telling her she can't? That is just stupid and yes, is probably just pushing her further away. Her response to that is well I'm single I can do whatever you want, which leads to my response, yeah you can do whatever you want but if you chose to do that then you will fuck up any chance we have of getting back together. Just a dumb unnecessary argument that makes things worse.

[anti_troll]

If she's not too fat I'll bone her to help you out. Don't worry I won't let the skank fall in love

Dude, you're fat and ugly as shit, what are you talking about??

[anti_troll]

She's beautiful, by the way. Dirty blonde hair, soft rosey cheeks, light freckles, 110 lbs, soft skin, a nose that she thinks is too big but I think is just perfect, blue eyes, perfect hour glass figure. Omg she's an angel.

/end lame gush

[z0sa]

i hustle trolling a troll??

[anti_troll]

I'm not a troll, obviously, and Ihustle couldn't troll jack shit

[I. Hustle]

Damn dude,what's with all the hostility? I was just trying to help you out. If I'm as fat and ugly as you say then don't worry about her falling in love. I'll bang the hoe a couple of times and send her skank ass right back to you. Its a win win all around, I get to help a fellow st'er, she gets to know what the good stuff feels like and you get the hooker back.
I think it'll work... I don't know, let me know what you think.

[NewcastleKEG]

Guys, this is exactly why I started this thread. This is the exact kind of shit I needed to hear. Basically... Back Off. She knows what I want, now I have to let her make a non-pressured, genuine decision based her feelings and not mine. I can't guilt her into a relationship I can't use logic to convince her into one. I know in my heart that she will choose a life with me, there is just something hanging her up and it may have been my behavior that was the hang up all along.

Cuckingfunt... I lied, we've only had sex 3 times in the past year and a half... Don't know why i lied to you strangers but I guess I felt like it helped my case. It most certainly wasn't pity sex though because she initiated it and I have never pressured her into sex except for when we were dating and had sex constantly. We did have a great sex life though, so that is certainly not the issue.

Newcastlekeg, you are right, I should give her ultimatums. She doesn't even want to have sex with other guys and I'm sitting her telling her she can't? That is just stupid and yes, is probably just pushing her further away. Her response to that is well I'm single I can do whatever you want, which leads to my response, yeah you can do whatever you want but if you chose to do that then you will fuck up any chance we have of getting back together. Just a dumb unnecessary argument that makes things worse.
Good man. Sounds like you got it or atleast the next step you should take

Just remember
- The odds are against you guys getting back together & making it work
- You have a child's future in this equation
- Just because you might have messed up in the past doesn't mean you have to settle now.
- Although if things don't work out you will view the relationship as a failure, that doesn't mean you should spend/"waste" even more time trying to keep it going
- If not for the child, I'd say it's 90% chance this will fail