Stupid people at work

[I. Hustle]

So I hear dumb ass stories EVERY SINGE DAY over here.

Today's story:

"My boyfriends cousin got shot multiple times down in Laredo. We are going there this weekend to be with his family. They are looking into it to see if it was a homicide.
They might have something though. My BF's nephew said that he had a dream where (whatever dead guy's name was) came to him and said 'Mijo, tell everyone it was the cucuy in the black spurs (Spurs related) cap.' So now the cops are investigating it.
What if they find the guy and he is wearing a Spurs cap?!"

:bang

There are PLENTY more stories like this.

[mrsmaalox]

lol Tell us more! :)

[johnsmith]

So I hear dumb ass stories EVERY SINGE DAY over here.

Today's story:

"My boyfriends cousin got shot multiple times down in Laredo. We are going there this weekend to be with his family. They are looking into it to see if it was a homicide.
They might have something though. My BF's nephew said that he had a dream where (whatever dead guy's name was) came to him and said 'Mijo, tell everyone it was the cucuy in the black spurs (Spurs related) cap.' So now the cops are investigating it.
What if they find the guy and he is wearing a Spurs cap?!"

:bang

There are PLENTY more stories like this.

Whenever I hear anyone start a comment with,"Mija/Mijo", I immediately stop listening because I know stupidity is likely to follow.

[CavsSuperFan]

I work with a guy who thinks the movie “Little Shop of Horrors” is based on a true story…

[I. Hustle]

Another one, this is from a coworker who came back from a Dr.'s visit.

"Aye, I just got back from the doctor and he diagnosed me with fatigue. He already told me I have prediabetes and now this. I went because I can't hear out of my left ear. He told me it was in flames."

This is being said with tears in her eyes. ACTUAL FREAKIN TEARS

[desflood]

:rollin

It's funny, this very morning I ran across this on the Internet:

"Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions."

[I. Hustle]

:rollin

it's funny, this very morning i ran across this on the internet:

"everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions."

lol.

[desflood]

Was just watching tv and an ad came on for Southwest School. They misspelled the word pursue. "Persue", really?

[Soul_Patch]

Another one, this is from a coworker who came back from a Dr.'s visit.

"Aye, I just got back from the doctor and he diagnosed me with fatigue. He already told me I have prediabetes and now this. I went because I can't hear out of my left ear. He told me it was in flames."

This is being said with tears in her eyes. ACTUAL FREAKIN TEARS

:lol:lol

[JudynTX]

I have a coworker who is LATE every single day. Seriously.

[johnsmith]

I'm always late to work, like every single day, and there is this old lady that can't mind her own business and looks at her watch the moment I walk in the door.

I can't stand her.

[BacktoBasics]

Our last coworker informed us that...

The fire alarm went off at [such and such account] and she didn't know what to do so she just sat down and prayed until it turned off.

[mavs>spurs]

sounds like typical wetback shit, key words such as "mija/mijo," "spurs" and "laredo" tipped me off tbh

and anything involving wetbacks is bound to be stupid

[MannyIsGod]

:rollin

It's funny, this very morning I ran across this on the Internet:

"Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions."

LOL I love that. I would change sometimes to Usually though.

[MannyIsGod]

I'm always late to work, like every single day, and there is this old lady that can't mind her own business and looks at her watch the moment I walk in the door.

I can't stand her.

:lmao

[I. Hustle]

This same idiot with the ears that are "in flames" puts on her headphones and listens to her music so loud that I cam hear the music clearly. I don't even sit by her.

[Stringer_Bell]

"Ma'am, I'm sorry to break the news to you...but you're ears are in flames." Like right now, Dr? "Yes, right now." Right now, right now?

Can I get a p/t job with you I. Hustle? I kinda wanna write a book on stupid people on the weekends.

[Drachen]

"Ma'am, I'm sorry to break the news to you...but you're ears are in flames." Like right now, Dr? "Yes, right now." Right now, right now?

Can I get a p/t job with you I. Hustle? I kinda wanna write a book on stupid people on the weekends.

"Let me get this right. So you're getting a burning sensation when you urinate?"

"No, fire shoot out my dick, is all. A burst of flame fly out my dick
when I pee. I can't even pee in the house, I burn my house down. I gotta go outside."

"I was outside peeing, dude tried to mug me, I turned around and burned him up on the street. Because my dick is a blowtorch, is what I'm trying to say."

[ploto]

This same idiot with the ears that are "in flames" puts on her headphones and listens to her music so loud that I cam hear the music clearly. I don't even sit by her.

Used to work with one of those. To top it off he sang to the music very high pitched and very poorly.

[Slydragon]

This girl at work told everyone she had cancer in her intestine and I didn't think twice about it as it's a touchy subject but then she was all piss one day and I told her maybe you should go home and she said she was ok just piss because no one believed her. So I was like wow that's harsh, Well she goes on to say she saw her Dr and he told her something is blocking her from shitting and to take some stool softeners and to her that means cancer because something grew and got hard in her so its a form of cancer. :wtf

Same girl this week in the break room was telling everyone that no words ends with the letter "y" only medical terms can end with Y so everyone starts yelling out words that end with Y and she goes on to say the the new generation change it to Y and the old generation had it correct and everything should be IE as in kitty>Kittie/Funny>funnie/City>citie, I guess she then felt the whole room wanting to laugh so she left.

[I. Hustle]

"Ma'am, I'm sorry to break the news to you...but you're ears are in flames." Like right now, Dr? "Yes, right now." Right now, right now?

Can I get a p/t job with you I. Hustle? I kinda wanna write a book on stupid people on the weekends.

You could write a series of books

[Jacob1983]

I've been bitched out by a co-worker and boss for asking a co-worker what time were they leaving. I asked a co-worker that works in my department what time they were leaving and the co-worker refused to answer me.

[clambake]

I've been bitched out by a co-worker and boss for asking a co-worker what time were they leaving. I asked a co-worker that works in my department what time they were leaving and the co-worker refused to answer me.

:lol

[DUNCANownsKOBE]

sounds like typical wetback shit, key words such as "mija/mijo," "spurs" and "laredo" tipped me off tbh

and anything involving wetbacks is bound to be stupid
:lmao

[Chingo Bling]

sounds like typical wetback shit, key words such as "mija/mijo," "spurs" and "laredo" tipped me off tbh

and anything involving wetbacks is bound to be stupid


How you think you got here guey? Everybody crossed some kind of water to get here at one point in the history. Except for Tyson Shandler, that dude is straight up Native Americano and chit.

[DUNCANownsKOBE]

:lmao

[The Reckoning]

it doesnt matter how late you are so long as you stay that amount of time after everyone leaves...or dont take a lunch break.


at my last job i had a cubicle next to the gossip ladies who would leave their doors open. theyd constantly talk shit about everyone in the office. one of them left their stereo on all the time and then quit when people finally complained :lol.

every time theyd answer their phone, theyd be really sweet and patient and then when theyd hang up theyd utter "asshole."

or when someone would get done talking to them and leave their office, theyd say "i really fucking hate that guy."

makes me wonder what happens after i talk to people, tbh.

then another guy would come up to me and always say "enjoy college because your life is over when you get a real job. life sucks."

i was about to graduate too :depressed


...remind me to never get a job for the government.

[Viva Las Espuelas]

it doesnt matter how late you are so long as you stay that amount of time after everyone leaves...or dont take a lunch break.


at my last job i had a cubicle next to the gossip ladies who would leave their doors open. theyd constantly talk shit about everyone in the office. one of them left their stereo on all the time and then quit when people finally complained :lol.

every time theyd answer their phone, theyd be really sweet and patient and then when theyd hang up theyd utter "asshole."

or when someone would get done talking to them and leave their office, theyd say "i really fucking hate that guy."

makes me wonder what happens after i talk to people, tbh.

then another guy would come up to me and always say "enjoy college because your life is over when you get a real job. life sucks."

i was about to graduate too :depressed


...remind me to never get a job for the government.

And never sell your hair to a wig shop

[DUNCANownsKOBE]

don't attend your own funeral as a guy named Phil Shifley

[DMC]

Avoid cubicle jobs.

I worked with a Mexican guy who didn't know how a thermos worked. I asked him one day " so your thermos keeps your hot soup hot and your cold drinks cold, how does it know whether you want the food hot or cold?" he just gave me a crosseyed blank stare. Later he approached me and said he'd been thinking about it all day and it was bothering him and he wanted to know.

[I. Hustle]

avoid cubicle jobs.

I worked with a mexican guy who didn't know how a thermos worked. I asked him one day " so your thermos keeps your hot soup hot and your cold drinks cold, how does it know whether you want the food hot or cold?" he just gave me a crosseyed blank stare. Later he approached me and said he'd been thinking about it all day and it was bothering him and he wanted to know.

lol

[Viva Las Espuelas]

Mexicans :lol

[Sportcamper]

Henny Youngman told that thermos joke 40 years ago…Never gets old…:lol

[Oh, Gee!!]

take my wife, please!

[Drachen]

And never sell your hair to a wig shop

Don't have a grandson with a dog collar.

[Jacob1983]

Got another one to add to the list. This is more about being lazy than being stupid. That same co-worker was so damn lazy that they gave a certain key to a boss to give to me. I was on the other side of the warehouse so this lazy dumbass co-worker didn't want to walk all the way ot the other side to give me a key to one of the doors in the back. I've called this piece of shit out before on not making bales and not operating the heavy machinery in the back. We are the in the same department and have the same job title yet this co-worker is not required to operate heavy machinery or make bales. You have any piece of shit co-workers like that at your work? You have the same job title yet you are required to do more work than the other even though you are both suppose to be able to do those tasks. I'm not bitching about operating heavy machinery or making bales. I'm bitching about a co-worker not pulling that fair share of the workload. I've already bitched to my bosses about this and they basically told me to shut the fuck up. It was either shut the fuck up, only work 2 or 3 days or get fired.


I also hate it how co-workers and bosses are oblivious and ignorant when it comes to the walkie talkies. For example, a co-worker named Billy Bob can say something on the walkie talkie, and 10 minutes later, a boss or co-worker will call for that person and if that person doesn't respond on the 1st or 2nd call, you will hear "Billy Bob, do you have a walkie talkie? or "Billy Bob, are you on walkie". Pay attention to your damn fuckin walkie talkie, dumbasses. And then we have bosses asking if so and so has left or telling us to go tell so and so to punch out for a lunch. I just want to say on my walkie talkie when they tell me to go to tell someone to clock out or punch out for lunch "worry about your own shit".

[Avante]

I once worked at a cannery, my job was to print whatever on the side of boxes as they came off a line. I ran out of ink so the line was down while I changed ink. So here comes the foreman..

foreman...why is this line down, is something broke? Do we need a mechanic?
me...no.
foreman...ok then let's go.
me...well I need to...
foreman...I said ..LET'S GO!!!!!!!
me...ok (so I started things up)

Here comes boxes with nothing on them.

foreman...HOLD IT! STOP! where's the print?
me...we were down because I ran out of ink.
foreman...oh. Well hurry up. (then he walked away)

I was just out of high school, young and well young.

[benefactor]

There is a love triangle of dumbasses at my work.

It started with this guy named Mike. Mike is 40 something year old man who acts like he is still 21. He's had sex with countless women there, but none of them would be considered any type of real impressive trophy. Almost all of them were just insecure and attention starved. The funny thing is he's married three of them. He was married when he started working there. He immediately started cheating on his wife with one of his co-workers. He leaves his wife and marries the girl he works with. Then he goes to a party one night at a co-workers house and has sex with one of his other co-workers in the swimming pool. They hook up, he leaves the girl he married and starts dating the girl he fucked in the pool. They get married. It isn't long until a new girl gets hired on and he starts sleeping with her. New girl lets it go on for a while but cuts him off after her guilty conscience gets the best of her. His current wife knows whats going on but is too insecure to leave him.

Fast forward a few months. Another new nurse gets hired. She is 20 years younger than him and has the relationship skills of a seventh grader. He moves in on her and they start sleeping together. He makes it clear to his current wife that he's out the door and divorces her. The new girl he is sleeping with is also married(less than a year:lol) so she leaves her husband too. And you guessed it...they get married...even though the most recent girl has been told the whole relationship history of him at that job.

It gets better. He tattooed the name of the second woman he married on his arm. When he married the third girl, he went and got a cover up done...and got matching tattoos with her. I'm guessing anther cover up will be in order when he finds a new woman to marry. He recently started working out too. Now he wears shirts that are four sizes too small and walks around like he's pinning down a couple of cantaloupes under his arms. The new woman is also talking about having kids with him.

[ploto]

There is a love triangle of dumbasses at my work.

It started with this guy named Mike. Mike is 40 something year old man who acts like he is still 21. He's had sex with countless women there, but none of them would be considered any type of real impressive trophy. Almost all of them were just insecure and attention starved. The funny thing is he's married three of them. He was married when he started working there. He immediately started cheating on his wife with one of his co-workers. He leaves his wife and marries the girl he works with. Then he goes to a party one night at a co-workers house and has sex with one of his other co-workers in the swimming pool. They hook up, he leaves the girl he married and starts dating the girl he fucked in the pool. They get married. It isn't long until a new girl gets hired on and he starts sleeping with her. New girl lets it go on for a while but cuts him off after her guilty conscience gets the best of her. His current wife knows whats going on but is too insecure to leave him.

Fast forward a few months. Another new nurse gets hired. She is 20 years younger than him and has the relationship skills of a seventh grader. He moves in on her and they start sleeping together. He makes it clear to his current wife that he's out the door and divorces her. The new girl he is sleeping with is also married(less than a year:lol) so she leaves her husband too. And you guessed it...they get married...even though the most recent girl has been told the whole relationship history of him at that job.

It gets better. He tattooed the name of the second woman he married on his arm. When he married the third girl, he went and got a cover up done...and got matching tattoos with her. I'm guessing anther cover up will be in order when he finds a new woman to marry. He recently started working out too. Now he wears shirts that are four sizes too small and walks around like he's pinning down a couple of cantaloupes under his arms. The new woman is also talking about having kids with him.

Definitely, the medical field. What it is about hospitals, I just do not know.

[DMC]

Definitely, the medical field. What it is about hospitals, I just do not know.
All those beds.

[DMC]

Henny Youngman told that thermos joke 40 years ago…Never gets old…:lol
My co-worker looked at me and said "dude, you're just wrong".

[I. Hustle]

Today's story:

"Yeah... I just got back from seeing my doctor again. (Quintessential tears) He says I have to get a biopsy done. He needs to check to see if I have diabetes in my kindeys. If I do then I have to start the dialysis."

[SpurinDallas]

Today's story:

"Yeah... I just got back from seeing my doctor again. (Quintessential tears) He says I have to get a biopsy done. He needs to check to see if I have diabetes in my kindeys. If I do then I have to start the dialysis."

:lol She didn't start her sentence with "Ayeee..."??

[I. Hustle]

:lol She didn't start her sentence with "Ayeee..."??

lol she did. I just didn't think people would believe me.

[SpurinDallas]

lol she did. I just didn't think people would believe me.

One of the few downsides to working from home for me is not getting to experience the same kind of idiots I used to a long time ago. Keep the stories coming.

[johnsmith]

A few years back I had to set up an order for a customer. It's at a jobsite and there wasn't a physical address yet, so on the order where it asks for an address I wrote, 123 Fake St. NotATown USA, and down in the notes field I wrote to contact the customer prior to shipment.

Yes, they attempted to deliver to 123 Fake St. shortly thereafter. My company had to idiot proof the address field after that.

My response when asked about it, "if you have an employee that will try to ship to that address, you should fire that employee".

[DMC]

Coworker bitching about management some years ago: "fuck them, they don't know anything, all they have is information from the past and present"

This is the same guy who, while giving a "lecture" on threshold limit values, coined the phrase "metric threes" when he saw the M^3 symbol.

[Viva Las Espuelas]

There is a love triangle of dumbasses at my work.

It started with this guy named Mike. Mike is 40 something year old man who acts like he is still 21. He's had sex with countless women there, but none of them would be considered any type of real impressive trophy. Almost all of them were just insecure and attention starved. The funny thing is he's married three of them. He was married when he started working there. He immediately started cheating on his wife with one of his co-workers. He leaves his wife and marries the girl he works with. Then he goes to a party one night at a co-workers house and has sex with one of his other co-workers in the swimming pool. They hook up, he leaves the girl he married and starts dating the girl he fucked in the pool. They get married. It isn't long until a new girl gets hired on and he starts sleeping with her. New girl lets it go on for a while but cuts him off after her guilty conscience gets the best of her. His current wife knows whats going on but is too insecure to leave him.

Fast forward a few months. Another new nurse gets hired. She is 20 years younger than him and has the relationship skills of a seventh grader. He moves in on her and they start sleeping together. He makes it clear to his current wife that he's out the door and divorces her. The new girl he is sleeping with is also married(less than a year:lol) so she leaves her husband too. And you guessed it...they get married...even though the most recent girl has been told the whole relationship history of him at that job.

It gets better. He tattooed the name of the second woman he married on his arm. When he married the third girl, he went and got a cover up done...and got matching tattoos with her. I'm guessing anther cover up will be in order when he finds a new woman to marry. He recently started working out too. Now he wears shirts that are four sizes too small and walks around like he's pinning down a couple of cantaloupes under his arms. The new woman is also talking about having kids with him.

wow. that's crazy. i've worked at the same place for the past 10+ years and there's plenty of stories of hanky panky. one guy who was married, been with the company for a few years, started banging this new chick and just got careless with it. he started banging her in his office during lunch. they were emailing each other using the company's email app. she was into bondage and all that and would send pretty provocative pics to his work email. they busted him. fired him and he fessed up to his wife. they divorced once it was known he knocked up the other chick. they're happily married now and he's lost about half of the hair he had when he left. :lol

the merchandising manager started carrying on with one gal in the accounting department that was about 15 years younger than him. she was nothing to write home about. he was married and had a kid. i think it was the day after new year's, his wife literally called everyone in the company and left a good 5 to 8 minute voicemail, screaming at the top of her lungs how "that whore!!!" is breaking up their home, he's got a small dick, yada yada. she called and just started dialing correct extensions and just went down the line. it was crazy. everyone had a different account of it because she had something new to say on every voicemail she left. they eventually divorced. he was let go later on, they still continued seeing each other and i think i heard they got married last year.

[Viva Las Espuelas]

:lmao

Married co-worker: "Congrats!"

Married newly impregnated co-worker that aborted his kid a few years ago when things got careless: "Thanks"

:lmao

[benefactor]

Forty-something Mike is now transferring out to the IT department. His new twenty-something wife has vowed that Mike will never do to her what he did to his other wives...so I guess he figured he needed to get out from under her supervision so he can fuck around. The general over/under set by most of the employees is three months.

He is also going back to college to finish up his degree. I heard his wife saying that she took out a credit card to pay for it for him. I am seriously appalled at how stupid she is, because clinically she is very intelligent. One of the best nurses at our hospital.

[benefactor]

:lmao

Married co-worker: "Congrats!"

Married newly impregnated co-worker that aborted his kid a few years ago when things got careless: "Thanks"

:lmao
:lol

[Viva Las Espuelas]

Yeah. The guy definitely has an addiction. He finally got busted and now carries a Bible with him.

[Brazil]

So today I complimented a girl because she had a nice dress so I told her: "Nice dress Michelle" [her name is Michelle] then this HR bitch started with a "you know you cannot say that to a woman at work, this is harassment". gtfoh you stupid bitch.

Since when saying nice dress is an issue ? fucking country dominated by lawyers.

[ploto]

So today I complimented a girl because she had a nice dress so I told her: "Nice dress Michelle" [her name is Michelle] then this HR bitch started with a "you know you cannot say that to a woman at work, this is harassment". gtfoh you stupid bitch.

Since when saying nice dress is an issue ? fucking country dominated by lawyers.

HR lady is jealous of Michelle?

[DMC]

So today I complimented a girl because she had a nice dress so I told her: "Nice dress Michelle" [her name is Michelle] then this HR bitch started with a "you know you cannot say that to a woman at work, this is harassment". gtfoh you stupid bitch.

Since when saying nice dress is an issue ? fucking country dominated by lawyers.
Did you actually say "nice dress" or did you say "goddamn bitch, you look hot as fuck in that dress, I would love to see it crumpled in my bedroom floor in the morning"

[mrsmaalox]

HR lady is jealous of Michelle?

Or just overestimates the importance of her role :lol

[I. Hustle]

Or did you say "titties sit nice yeah..."?

[benefactor]

Or did you say "titties sit nice yeah..."?
DP2PlE41wpE

[Brazil]

Did you actually say "nice dress" or did you say "goddamn bitch, you look hot as fuck in that dress, I would love to see it crumpled in my bedroom floor in the morning"

to be fair I said, "What a nice dress Michelle"

Michelle is hot as fuck that's for sure, for informative purpose she is from Dominican Republic, tall, nice tits, nice ass and nice dress but I just said What a nice dress with no particular voice's intonation tbh.

maybe this HR bitch is jealous because she is old and ugly and wears ugly old fashioned stuff

[I. Hustle]

Freakin tired of hearing about kindey 'betes and dumb Shit like that. Bitch was gone for TWO WEEKS and was upset that they didn't give her Tuesday off so she could go with her mom to her moms Dr appointment. She was freaking out and crying because she thought for sure they were going to tell her mom that she had cancer. Cancer? For real? Based on what?

[I. Hustle]

Why do you have to freaking SLAM your teeth together when you eat? Sounds like a freaking horse walking down the street!

[Jacob1983]

I have bitched about this before and I will continue to do so until I see improvement. I cannot stand female workers that bitch about equal pay but don't want to do equal amounts of work. I'm talking about females that want to be paid the same as males but not be required to do the same amount of work. They want to be equal but work less. Not every female worker is like that. It's usually the pampered princess types and the uppity bitch types. I work in a warehouse and I cannot stand female warehouse workers that half ass the work load or refuse do anything that will make break a sweat. Why the fuck are you working in a warehouse in which 90 percent of the job is manual labor?

If you want to be paid the same as men, then do the same amount of work that they do. And don't be giving me any shit or excuses about you being a woman and having a vagina. I don't give a fuck. You won't get any sympathy from me.

[GoodOdor]

I have bitched about this before and I will continue to do so until I see improvement. I cannot stand female workers that bitch about equal pay but don't want to do equal amounts of work. I'm talking about females that want to be paid the same as males but not be required to do the same amount of work. They want to be equal but work less. Not every female worker is like that. It's usually the pampered princess types and the uppity bitch types. I work in a warehouse and I cannot stand female warehouse workers that half ass the work load or refuse do anything that will make break a sweat. Why the fuck are you working in a warehouse in which 90 percent of the job is manual labor?

If you want to be paid the same as men, then do the same amount of work that they do. And don't be giving me any shit or excuses about you being a woman and having a vagina. I don't give a fuck. You won't get any sympathy from me.

Jacob, you get paid minimum wage.....I can guarantee you they make AT LEAST as much as you do.....

[Jacob1983]

It's the principle but apparently no one on this piece of shit planet believes in principles anymore.

[DUNCANownsKOBE]

Jacob, you get paid minimum wage.....I can guarantee you they make AT LEAST as much as you do.....

:lmao

[benefactor]

Update:

Mike came by the hospital the other day to have lunch with is wif:lol. Talked about how much he loves his new gig and how much money he's going to be making when he graduates. He's fat again and looks be well settled into married life...which will probably last until he graduates, gets a new job and becomes self sufficient. At that point I'm pretty sure he will tell current wife he's got his own money now and he's gone.

[Drachen]

I will beat you every day of the week and twice on tuesdays in a contest about stupid people i work with. Specifically one person. Suffice to say that the "She slipped and fell on my dick" excuse worked for her husband. She bought it.

[Jacob1983]

I win the award for working with stupid people. When I first started working at the sweat shop, I found a block of cheese that had been scanned into the chemicals section of the warehouse. Obviously, the cheese had been out of the dary cooler for too long and was basically no good and damaged. Who the fuck would place a block of cheese in the chemicals section of a warehouse? I mean the dumbass that did it used their scanner or PDA to "store" the cheese into a location spot in the warehouse.

My goal at the sweat shop is to be 100 percent apathetic but I honestly think that 100 percent apathy is not possible. I basically want to say what Tommy Lee Jones says in the tunnel when Harrison Ford has a gun pointed at him and tells him that he didn't kill his wife. Tommy Lee Jones being the BAMF that he is, simply says "I don't care".


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQ11Ws3tqP0