Dad's with Separation Anxiety?

[SpurinDallas]

Does this even exist? 11 days ago my wife gave birth to our 3rd and final child, a girl. We have a 12 yr old girl, an 18 month old boy and now an infant daughter. For my wife and I it's ALWAYS been about the kids. We've only taken 1 trip on our own back about 10 years ago and we want to go on a weekender to New Orleans or Vegas in November. Problem is, I can't be away from my son for an extended period of time. Since he is the only son I will ever have, I'm sure it's natural that I have always felt this way about him since he was born, but I find these feelings have intensified since our daughter was born a week and a half ago. So much that I am trying to come up with reasons to call off our trip. I explained to my wife this feeling and she's shrugs it off and says "we'll adjust". On Saturday we were visiting our in laws and my mother in law offered to have our son spend the night with them to give us a little "break" and I told her no way, I can't be without him. He is also very clingy with me and prefers me over his mother 100% of the time.

Any dads ever feel like this? I don't even know if it's healthy or natural. Is this normal or do I just have to grow a sack and "man up" about this whole situation?

[clambake]

its normal

[Drachen]

Any dads ever feel like this? I don't even know if it's healthy or natural. Is this normal or do I just have to grow a sack and "man up" about this whole situation?

Yes, and it is healthy, also, you must grow a sack and man up. Basically, the two options are not mutually exclusive. Also, I get it with my son. My daughter (who was first) wanted nothing to do with me for the entire first year of her life, it SUUUUUUUUUCKED for me like bad. She has come around, but still prefers mom over me. My son (just born 9 months ago) really REALLY likes me. It is a rare occasion where he prefers mom over me (other than nursing time). I was just looking at him playing yesterday and thought about how cool it would be if I was wealthy and could just quit my job and hang out all day long. There is no parenting guide, so everything I post is just what I feel (i.e. take it with a grain of salt), but I think you need to let him go a little (to create some semblance of independence). Not necessarily in your everyday dealings with your son, but let him do something without you every once in a while.

Also, kinda on topic: how the fuck can any dad (or mom) not be in their kid's lives. Ridiculous.

[CubanMustGo]

You owe it to your son to not be a helicopter parent, and if you can't let him spend one night with Opa and Oma that's what you're shaping up to be. Drachen has it spot on.

[SpurinDallas]

Yes, and it is healthy, also, you must grow a sack and man up. Basically, the two options are not mutually exclusive. Also, I get it with my son. My daughter (who was first) wanted nothing to do with me for the entire first year of her life, it SUUUUUUUUUCKED for me like bad. She has come around, but still prefers mom over me. My son (just born 9 months ago) really REALLY likes me. It is a rare occasion where he prefers mom over me (other than nursing time). I was just looking at him playing yesterday and thought about how cool it would be if I was wealthy and could just quit my job and hang out all day long. There is no parenting guide, so everything I post is just what I feel (i.e. take it with a grain of salt), but I think you need to let him go a little (to create some semblance of independence). Not necessarily in your everyday dealings with your son, but let him do something without you every once in a while.

Also, kinda on topic: how the fuck can any dad (or mom) not be in their kid's lives. Ridiculous.

I think like that all the time. Especially when we're playing catch (basically sitting on the floor while I roll a ball to him and he throws it back at me) or when he sits with me to watch a game.

And you're right, I need to sack up, I'm probably not being a good example if I am afraid to let him go every once in a while.

I also agree with not knowing how a parent cannot be part of their kids lives. Those assholes make me sick, but they are the ones missing out in the end.

[SpurinDallas]

You owe it to your son to not be a helicopter parent, and if you can't let him spend one night with Opa and Oma that's what you're shaping up to be. Drachen has it spot on.

Yeah, I get it now. I think I'm just trying too hard to not be the type of dad my own dad was.

[Drachen]

You owe it to your son to not be a helicopter parent, and if you can't let him spend one night with Opa and Oma that's what you're shaping up to be. Drachen has it spot on.

Word.

We just got back from the coast and my 4 year old daughter can now swim without floaties (even some completely submerged swimming) while in the pool. It makes your heart jump a little to watch her swim the entire length of the pool, but then it swells with pride when she makes it.... well because of this, instead of playing in the sand, she immediately ran out to the water when we went to the beach. We told her that she needed floaties in the ocean, so she said ok then got REALLY brave. She kept going out far (to the point we had to repeatedly run out there and tell her to come back in some). I could have stayed RIGHT next to her the whole time, but I just wanted to give her a little leash in hopes that little experiences like these will build up and make her a more capable child then adult. I feel like its good for the kid (doesn't mean it doesn't freak me out).

[Saved By Zero]

Another cause of the pussification of America.

[Drachen]

Another cause of the pussification of America.

What? A dad who cares enough to self-evaluate his parenting style and seek opinions and discussion on it.

Yeah, real loser.

[SpurinDallas]

Another cause of the pussification of America.

Whatever, man.

[silverblk mystix]

Spend every minute you can together.

If you have to separate-both of you will be fine too.

You are who you are and you won't become your dad either.

[JudynTX]

Congratulations!!!

[BacktoBasics]

Pretty normal. It won't be long before you actually start enjoying a little peace and quiet. You gotta start warming yourself up though.

[ploto]

Problem is, I can't be away from my son for an extended period of time. Since he is the only son I will ever have, I'm sure it's natural that I have always felt this way about him since he was born, but I find these feelings have intensified since our daughter was born a week and a half ago. So much that I am trying to come up with reasons to call off our trip. I explained to my wife this feeling and she's shrugs it off and says "we'll adjust". On Saturday we were visiting our in laws and my mother in law offered to have our son spend the night with them to give us a little "break" and I told her no way, I can't be without him. He is also very clingy with me and prefers me over his mother 100% of the time.

Lots of boys that age are attached to dad. My nephew prefers to go to any guy.

I must admit to being unable to tell you to force yourself to be away from your kids. I have never regretted one minute of my life that I have spent with my kid. A trip somewhere or even a movie just was not important to me.

I have separated when I had to-- start school... I just never saw a reason to do so when I did not need to or want to do it. My child is very capable and high-achieving. I feel like I gave him security.

[Bender]

its normal
it's not

[DMC]

My grandson prefers me over his mom or my wife or anyone else. It depends on who does the things they like vs who changes them, feeds them and makes them do things they don't like. Plus, him and I bonded pretty much right away after he was born. I used to carry him around and he would keep on hand in my goatee, funny has hell actually. He was only 19 at the time.

[mrsmaalox]

I tend to agree with Ploto (of course we are mothers), but you know, your kid is gonna want his independence soon enough. Right now he only wants you, so what's the big deal? My husband and I knew right away that we did not want our kids to be without at least one of us with them 24/7-----so for many years we were all one tight unit. We never even hired a sitter (never had the luxury of living near relatives) until all 3 of them could walk and clearly communicate their needs. Soon enough, your son will let you know when he needs some space and is ready for a little independence; as long as you dont stand in his way at that point, it'll be fine. My kids are now smart, independent teens and I absolutely cherish every single minute we all clung to each other years ago----hell, I'm lucky to get 10 solid minutes a day with each of them now, they are so busy!

[mavs>spurs]

Another cause of the pussification of America.

nah we need more parents who actually raise their kids instead of leaving the brainwashing up to the state

[SpurinDallas]

I tend to agree with Ploto (of course we are mothers), but you know, your kid is gonna want his independence soon enough. Right now he only wants you, so what's the big deal? My husband and I knew right away that we did not want our kids to be without at least one of us with them 24/7-----so for many years we were all one tight unit. We never even hired a sitter (never had the luxury of living near relatives) until all 3 of them could walk and clearly communicate their needs. Soon enough, your son will let you know when he needs some space and is ready for a little independence; as long as you dont stand in his way at that point, it'll be fine. My kids are now smart, independent teens and I absolutely cherish every single minute we all clung to each other years ago----hell, I'm lucky to get 10 solid minutes a day with each of them now, they are so busy!

I appreciate everyone's input on this subject. I just didn't know if it was normal for any dads to feel this way. I know one day he'll think I'm not cool enough or know enough to spend time with, so I think I am just trying to take in every moment with him. My wife and I decided we're done having kids so knowing he is going to be my only son makes all that time all the more special for me.

And I know what you mean about the kids being so busy as they get older. My soon to be 13 yr old daughter used to make time for me no matter what, but she is caught up in her own world right now. :lol

[thispego]

Does this even exist? 11 days ago my wife gave birth to our 3rd and final child, a girl. We have a 12 yr old girl, an 18 month old boy and now an infant daughter. For my wife and I it's ALWAYS been about the kids. We've only taken 1 trip on our own back about 10 years ago and we want to go on a weekender to New Orleans or Vegas in November. Problem is, I can't be away from my son for an extended period of time. Since he is the only son I will ever have, I'm sure it's natural that I have always felt this way about him since he was born, but I find these feelings have intensified since our daughter was born a week and a half ago. So much that I am trying to come up with reasons to call off our trip. I explained to my wife this feeling and she's shrugs it off and says "we'll adjust". On Saturday we were visiting our in laws and my mother in law offered to have our son spend the night with them to give us a little "break" and I told her no way, I can't be without him. He is also very clingy with me and prefers me over his mother 100% of the time.

Any dads ever feel like this? I don't even know if it's healthy or natural. Is this normal or do I just have to grow a sack and "man up" about this whole situation?

:lmao what a fuckin pussy!

[SpurinDallas]

:lmao what a fuckin pussy!

Yeah yeah, fuck you

[thispego]

Separation anxiety is a DISORDER and it is usually experienced by children or adolescents. Not grown fucking men! :lol

OP's problem is NOT normal like some of you idiots are spewing.

[SpurinDallas]

Separation anxiety is a DISORDER and it is usually experienced by children or adolescents. Not grown fucking men! :lol

OP's problem is NOT normal like some of you idiots are spewing.

Well, maybe it has to do with the fact that our daughter before him passed away a year before when she was only 21 weeks old. That may have something to do with it, jackass.

[DMC]

Separation anxiety is a DISORDER and it is usually experienced by children or adolescents. Not grown fucking men! :lol

OP's problem is NOT normal like some of you idiots are spewing.
You don't self diagnose, Taco man. He described his symptoms but I highly doubt it's clinical anxiety. My BIL is a shrink so I inductively know these things.

[DMC]

Well, maybe it has to do with the fact that our daughter before him passed away a year before when she was only 21 weeks old. That may have something to do with it, jackass.
My condolences.

[SpurinDallas]

My condolences.

Thanks. Life can be extremely cruel at times. That was definitely the worst kind of pain there is. I think thats why I try to keep my kids close at all times.

[DPG21920]

Let's see how far Pego is willing to go here.

[Bobby Junk]

I'm so grateful I grew up with a caring and loving father.

[thispego]

Well, maybe it has to do with the fact that our daughter before him passed away a year before when she was only 21 weeks old. That may have something to do with it, jackass.

Pretty critical element of the situation you left out :lol
I guess it makes you less of a pussy but you stil not to grow a pair and be a man or you're going to end up raising a puss

[thispego]

You don't self diagnose, Taco man. He described his symptoms but I highly doubt it's clinical anxiety. My BIL is a shrink so I inductively know these things.

He says he has separation anxiety, I'd agree considering the symptoms he described, even more so now knowing that his daughter died.

You really think you're smart, don't you?? :lol

[Out of nowhere goods]

'ispeg, getting it set on a tee for him, then backing down, feeling karma's shadow creeping behind him par per etc

[thispego]

:lol infant death is no laughing matter brah

[TE]

:lol infant death is no laughing matter brah

Yet you're laughing about it, putting an emoticon and shit. C'mon man.

[Sisk]

:lmao what a fuckin pussy!

You need your ass kicked.

[thispego]

Yet you're laughing about it, putting an emoticon and shit. C'mon man.

:lmao don't you be a pussy now too

[thispego]

You need your ass kicked.

:rolleyes I guess you're the one who'd like to try?

[TE]

Pego looks to be locked in self-destruct mode, let's see how much shit he gets for his insensitive remarks.

[thispego]

What's insensitive about my remarks? What have I said that is not true. You all are just being oversensitive pussies. Not my fault, I love in the real world, y'all are coddled and prolly still suckle on your moms teets

[Sisk]

:rolleyes I guess you're the one who'd like to try?

Don't pretend like you've ever been in any sort of physical altercation in your entire life. You're a pussy and you know it. Given the opportunity I would gladly kick your ass.

[The Reckoning]

and he'd chant SEC! SEC! while doing so

[thispego]

Don't pretend like you've ever been in any sort of physical altercation in your entire life. You're a pussy and you know it. Given the opportunity I would gladly kick your ass.

Am I pretending that I have? I'm too smart to fight, fighting is for the weak and stupid tbh :lol

sup sisk? :lmao

[BUMP]

:lol Sisk

:lol faggot

[BUMP]

Anyone who challenges someone to a fight over the internet needs to step away from the monitor for a moment. After that is done they need to re-evaluate the direction their life is going, balance out all their hobbies while sorting them into daily time logs, then consider where suicide would fit into their schedule, and very strongly contemplate acting on it.

[thispego]

Bump telling it like it is ptu

[mrsmaalox]

A layperson calling something "anxiety" doesn't necessarily equal a medical diagnosis of an "anxiety disorder" :lol So before any duels are fought on this subject, maybe we should find out from the OP what exactly he means by "separation anxiety". Does he mean he's not looking forward to the time he will be separated from his son and "missing" his son when they are apart? That would be normal. Does he mean experiencing any combination of the following symptoms:

(from WebMD)
Symptoms vary depending on the type of anxiety disorder, but general symptoms include:

Feelings of panic, fear, and uneasiness

Uncontrollable, obsessive thoughts

Repeated thoughts or flashbacks of traumatic experiences

Nightmares

Ritualistic behaviors, such as repeated hand washing

Problems sleeping

Cold or sweaty hands and/or feet

Shortness of breath

Palpitations

An inability to be still and calm

Dry mouth

Numbness or tingling in the hands or feet

Nausea

Muscle tension

Dizziness

Any of the above would be abnormal. So if the OP will just let us know which of these problems he has, the faster we can decide which of the previous posters deserves to die and how soon they should do it :)

[Sisk]

Am I pretending that I have? I'm too smart to fight, fighting is for the weak and stupid tbh :lol

sup sisk? :lmao

You're implying you're strong. Big problem there.

I didn't challenge this loser to a fight, I said he needed his ass kicked. Only after he asked if I would do it did I volunteer

[SpurinDallas]

A layperson calling something "anxiety" doesn't necessarily equal a medical diagnosis of an "anxiety disorder" :lol So before any duels are fought on this subject, maybe we should find out from the OP what exactly he means by "separation anxiety". Does he mean he's not looking forward to the time he will be separated from his son and "missing" his son when they are apart? That would be normal. Does he mean experiencing any combination of the following symptoms:

(from WebMD)
Symptoms vary depending on the type of anxiety disorder, but general symptoms include:

Feelings of panic, fear, and uneasiness

Uncontrollable, obsessive thoughts

Repeated thoughts or flashbacks of traumatic experiences

Nightmares

Ritualistic behaviors, such as repeated hand washing

Problems sleeping

Cold or sweaty hands and/or feet

Shortness of breath

Palpitations

An inability to be still and calm

Dry mouth

Numbness or tingling in the hands or feet

Nausea

Muscle tension

Dizziness

Any of the above would be abnormal. So if the OP will just let us know which of these problems he has, the faster we can decide which of the previous posters deserves to die and how soon they should do it :)

I would probably say I'm more paranoid when he's with others and I just miss the hell out of him.

[mrsmaalox]

I would probably say I'm more paranoid when he's with others and I just miss the hell out of him.

I would advise against using the word "paranoid" around here unless you meet the DSM criteria ;) If you mean you are concerned about his welfare when he is away from you, that is very normal.

[SpurinDallas]

I would advise against using the word "paranoid" around here unless you meet the DSM criteria ;) If you mean you are concerned about his welfare when he is away from you, that is very normal.

haha, good looking out. Although I don't know what DSM means. :lol

[Sisk]

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual

[SpurinDallas]

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual

Thanks :tu

[blizz]

I feel the same way about leaving my daughter. We are due in sept and want to do a weekend trip to new Orleans as well it's just hard for me to do it because I don't want to leave my daughter.

[thispego]

I would probably say I'm more paranoid when he's with others and I just miss the hell out of him.

baaaaaack traaaaack

you "can't be without him" and you are "looking for reasons to call off your trip". You backing away from your feelings a little bit now that you're being called out good sir?

[nacho]

My padre was not the hugging kind.

[thispego]

You're implying you're strong. Big problem there.

I didn't challenge this loser to a fight, I said he needed his ass kicked. Only after he asked if I would do it did I volunteer

:lol

[SpurinDallas]

I feel the same way about leaving my daughter. We are due in sept and want to do a weekend trip to new Orleans as well it's just hard for me to do it because I don't want to leave my daughter.

Yup, I understand.

[JoeChalupa]

I'm sure I'll have some separation anxiety when my oldest goes off to college next month. My dad was old school when it came to showing affection towards his sons.