I lost love poem ...........

[lebomb]

My love for her was crazy mad
till that slut ran off with mouses step dad
lingering feelings for a hoe ass woman
is what a man most certainly fears
so now I sit all alone in a hall closet
rubbing one out with my tears..............

:cry

[BacktoBasics]

If you aren't going to be part of the solution then you're part of the problem.

[cantthinkofanything]

My love for her was crazy mad
till that slut ran off with mouses step dad
lingering feelings for a hoe ass woman
is what a man most certainly fears
so now I sit all alone in a hall closet
rubbing one out with my tears..............

:cry

your poems suck (no racist) I don't get how they are supposed to be read. Can you maybe record them and post some YouTube vids? Maybe I'm missing something...

[lebomb]

your poems suck (no racist) I don't get how they are supposed to be read. Can you maybe record them and post some YouTube vids? Maybe I'm missing something...


WTF do you mean? That shit is beautiful!!!!

[cantthinkofanything]

WTF do you mean? That shit is beautiful!!!!

see...maybe it is...but I don't know how it's supposed to be read. My poem earlier was clearly written in one of the highest forms of poetry, the limerick.
Easy to see how to read it and how the rhymes go.

Yours...I just don't get. Is it some type of free form?

[cantthinkofanything]

There once was a guy named Avante
Who liked to receive much bukake
but to his chagrin
all of the men
fucked him in his shitake

[cantthinkofanything]

see...like that

[CuckingFunt]

There once was a guy named Avante
Who liked to receive much bukake
but to his chagrin
all of the men
fucked him in his shitake


see...like that

Rhythm is off there.

[cantthinkofanything]

Rhythm is off there.

no...
where?
3rd and 4th?

[cantthinkofanything]

there once was a guy named a van tay
who liked to recieve much bu ka kay
but to his chagrin
all of the men
fucked him in his shi ta kay

i don't see the error

[CuckingFunt]

no...
where?
3rd and 4th?

Fifth line feels a little short on syllables if you read it aloud.

[cantthinkofanything]

Fifth line feels a little short on syllables if you read it aloud.

mmm...maybe just the way "him in his" all have the short i. I can see it sounds maybe run together.

[cantthinkofanything]

ahh...I digress...maybe this works better

There once was a guy named Avante
Who liked to receive much bukake
but to his chagrin
all of the men
inserted dicks in his shitake

[CuckingFunt]

ahh...I digress...maybe this works better

There once was a guy named Avante
Who liked to receive much bukake
but to his chagrin
all of the men
inserted dicks in his shitake

Now it's redundant. You're not going to insert your dick outside of something.

Consider: "Placed their dicks inside his shiitake."

Still isn't terribly funny, but it works rhythmically.

[cantthinkofanything]

Now it's redundant. You're not going to insert your dick outside of something.

Consider: "Placed their dicks inside his shiitake."

Still isn't terribly funny, but it works rhythmically.

no, that's one too many in the last line

"placed their dicks in his shitake"

and I thought it was funny enough.

Anyway, I was just trying to make the point that the limerick is much easier to understand than whatever lebomb was doing.

[cantthinkofanything]

Now it's redundant. You're not going to insert your dick outside of something.

Consider: "Placed their dicks inside his shiitake."

Still isn't terribly funny, but it works rhythmically.

and by the way, I disagree on the redundancy. Use "insert" in a sentence with both subject and whatever the subject goes into to where by your rules, is not redundant. ie: not using the words "in or into".

[The Gemini Method]

:cry :cry :cry

I have never ever read such bootiful poetry. Good work.

[lebomb]

:cry :cry :cry

I have never ever read such bootiful poetry. Good work.

I know............ I can barely type right now. :depressed

Im heartbrokens......... :cry

My hoe is gone

[Avante]

I looked out the window
I paced the floor
I waited for the telephone to ring
she doesn't live here anymore

I spend my days
drinking beers
lost in memories
trenced in tears

I loved her
with all my heart
then she packed her bags
said she needed a new start

I cry
weep and moan
this is now just a house
no longer a home

I hear her voice
I can smell her hair
then I awake
just another nightmare

[The Gemini Method]

:cry x 100

[lebomb]

........ *reaches for a butterknife to end it all*