Jehovah's witness

[AussieFanKurt]

Talked to them once after coming to my door now they won't leave me alone. I always say go away they keep trying, how do I get them to piss off

[Reck]

You have?

Because once you tell them they're not welcome or that you are not interested in their religion they list your house as a "Do not visit."

I know this because my brother is a Jehovah's Witness himself.

[symple19]

I unknowingly opened the door to a couple of these whackjobs one time. They looked at me and before they could even start their spiel, their eyes got big, they backed off, and scurried away.

I was dumbfounded as to what happened until I realized I was wearing a Marylin Manson T-shirt (think it was 96' or so) that said "American by birth, Anti-Christ by choice" :lmao

[AussieFanKurt]

I even told them I'm Jewish just because I know that'd cause conflict, then said I hated religion and they keep trying. I think they are just delusional

[baseline bum]

I even told them I'm Jewish just because I know that'd cause conflict, then said I hated religion and they keep trying. I think they are just delusional

Tell them you used to be Catholic but left when they decided they had to crack down on the pedophile priests.

[Avante]

knock knock

opening the door (always two of them)

JW...good morning...blahhh
Me...come on in, care for a drink?
JW..no thanks.
jw2...no thank you.
Me..go ahead have a seat.
JW..thank you.
Me...so if the bad guys landed right this minute with machine guns a blazin' you guys aren't going to help me defend my home and family?
JW...we do not bare arms.
Me...so if your child is in a car wreck and the only thing that can save them is a blood transfusion you let them die?
JW...we do not allow that.
JW2...I would allow it.
Me...really?
JW2...yes, I love my God but family is family.
JW...:rolleyes
Me...So what is it you wanted to tell me. I'll tell you right now God or no God, Jehovah or no Jehovah I'm mowing down any fuckers who attack me, my family or my country. I'm also doing what it takes to save a childs life.
Do you guys celebrate Christmas?
JW...well no not really
JW2...we do, but it's more about trees, gifts, a dayoff. For the kids.
JW..:rolleyes
Me...no Christmas (looking at JW) are you kidding me? So I tell the kids, guess what gang I'm now a Jehovah Witness say good bye to Christmas?
JW...ah
JW2..hmm?
Me..sorry guys, but it sucks. Put me down as loving Christmas, Have Gun Will Fight...ok? (getting up signalling we are done)
JW...thanks for your time.
JW2...it's not all that bad,
JW..:rolleyes

[Woo Bum-kon]

Unleash your pet drop bears on them.

[AussieFanKurt]

Unleash your pet drop bears on them.

:lol nice one

[Creepn]

I unknowingly opened the door to a couple of these whackjobs one time. They looked at me and before they could even start their spiel, their eyes got big, they backed off, and scurried away.

I was dumbfounded as to what happened until I realized I was wearing a Marylin Manson T-shirt (think it was 96' or so) that said "American by birth, Anti-Christ by choice" :lmao

Weak then. You are the very person they should be tying to covert.

[Reck]

Weak then. You are the very person they should be tying to covert.

I think they saw him and thought he was too emo for convertion. :lol

[symple19]

Weak then. You are the very person they should be tying to covert.

:lol

[DMC]

I opened the door to a couple of them many years ago, and behind me on the wall was a poster of Eric Draven sitting in that church in the move "The Crow". Pure evil. They glanced up and made a hasty retreat.

http://www.moviemarket.com/library/photos/214/214749.jpg

[mouse]

Who is Jehovah?


http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p55/RackTheMouse/bored/Aunt-your-mama.jpg

[Avante]

1pp_NShg-gY (http://1pp_NShg-gY)

[SA210]

Who is Jehovah?




God's name

XMSK-wq3jlg

[The Reckoning]

lol australia

[יהוה]

Who is Jehovah?


You rang?

I gotta tell you, though, these so-called "Witnesses" are enough to drive a self-respecting deity totally apeshit.

[Drachen]

One Christmas morning about 11 or 12 years ago I was at my apartment drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette on my balcony in my boxers (puro white trash I know). and these two ladies were walking through the parking lot and said "Merry Christmas" so I replied "merry christmas to you too". They said that they had something to tell me, and I said "what's up" they said "we're coming up". I was like WTF and before I could tell them no, they were around the corner (assumedly coming up the stairs). I ran out into the living room and told my roomate that some people were coming up and I thought that they were going to want to talk about religion and I didn't want to deal with it. He said he would take care of them so I said ok, and went back to finish my smoke. After that, I went to go to the bathroom and there they were! He decided that he wanted to get spiritual all of a sudden. He started studying with them for about 6 months. Never had any intention to convert, but said they had a lot of interesting historical perspective. Either way I was pissed on that day. Half hung over, still in my boxers....

:lol

[Sportcamper]

I am always amazed at how well trained JW’s are in defending their beliefs and at their understanding of their Bible…New World Translations…The average person does not have even a basic understanding of scripture…That is why their only response is to slam the door on JW’s and call them whack jobs….

[ploto]

Tell them you will take and read their religious literature only if they will take and read yours.

[clambake]

ask them how many JW's there are.

ask them what they'll do if they are not one of the 144k that make it to heaven.

[DMC]

You can tell them you believe but put a few twists in it. Tell them Jesus was a black man, and that he was killed by the white man.

[SA210]

ask them how many JW's there are.

ask them what they'll do if they are not one of the 144k that make it to heaven.

Those are probably the easiest questions you could ever ask them. If you're looking to stump them with those questions, not gonna happen. :lol

They basically preach the answers to those specific questions with ease, everyday lol

[SA210]

I am always amazed at how well trained JW’s are in defending their beliefs and at their understanding of their Bible…New World Translations…The average person does not have even a basic understanding of scripture…That is why their only response is to slam the door on JW’s and call them whack jobs….

This

[Fabbs]

Me...so if your child is in a car wreck and the only thing that can save them is a blood transfusion you let them die?

Bloodless surgery by at Northeast Baptist Hospital at 8811 Village Drive in San Antonio.
One of about 6 gadzillion healthcare professionals who now know the advantages of bloodless procedures.

http://www.baptisthealthsystem.com/services_surgery_treatments_bloodless.aspx

In part: There are many advantages to bloodless surgery over traditional surgery including the decreased risk of the patient’s contracting new strains of Hepatitis, which cannot yet be tested for in the blood supply. Reducing the need for transfusion can also reduce the risk of infections and decrease the length of hospital stay.

[clambake]

Those are probably the easiest questions you could ever ask them. If you're looking to stump them with those questions, not gonna happen. :lol

They basically preach the answers to those specific questions with ease, everyday lol

lets hear it.

[SA210]

I'm not a Jehovah's Witness but these are their answers pretty much.

"Today there are over 6 million active witnesses of Jehovah in the world, preaching in over 230 different lands, in 100's of different spoken and signed languages."

144,000 will go to Heaven, and the rest will be given an opportunity to live forever in a new paradise on earth. Many dead will be resurrected for this, or not and others will simply just die. Those who aren't resurrected or just die basically didn't make it.

[clambake]

I'm not a Jehovah's Witness but these are their answers pretty much.

"Today there are over 6 million active witnesses of Jehovah in the world, preaching in over 230 different lands, in 100's of different spoken and signed languages."

144,000 will go to Heaven, and the rest will be given an opportunity to live forever in a new paradise on earth. Many dead will be resurrected for this, or not and others will simply just die. Those who aren't resurrected or just die basically didn't make it.

lol thats exactly what i said.

[Sportcamper]

Those who aren't resurrected or just die basically didn't make it.

One daylight savings time I forgot to change my clocks & I arrived to an empty Church parking lot…Thought maybe the rapture happened and I did not make the cut…

[DMC]

Ask them if Jesus had urine and fecal release upon his death.

[SnakeBoy]

Talked to them once after coming to my door now they won't leave me alone. I always say go away they keep trying, how do I get them to piss off

Just be polite and say "No thanks I'm not interested, I'm catholic". It works trust me.

[AussieFanKurt]

Just be polite and say "No thanks I'm not interested, I'm catholic". It works trust me.

See I always thought it was Judaism that would make them leave but I'm obviously wrong. Thanks for the myriad of suggestions

[The Reckoning]

no, catholic is the winner. they automatically assume youre going to hell.

whereas jewish, they think you havent made up your mind yet.

[The Franchise]

Talked to them once after coming to my door now they won't leave me alone. I always say go away they keep trying, how do I get them to piss off

Answer the door naked with a spear.

[SA210]

no, catholic is the winner. they automatically assume youre going to hell.

whereas jewish, they think you havent made up your mind yet.

Actually they love converting Catholics into JW's, from what I have seen.

[DMC]

Answer the door naked with a spear.
If I'm naked, naturally there's a spear and magic helmet.

[Reck]

The ultimate fuck you is to say you're an atheist. They wont even try to convince you to join their cause let alone explain there is a God. :lol

[DeadlyDynasty]

The Awake magazines are free rolling papers. Be thankful for the gift, you assholes

[The Reckoning]

or tell them youre a jew for jesus. thatll fuck with their heads.

[AussieFanKurt]

The ultimate fuck you is to say you're an atheist. They wont even try to convince you to join their cause let alone explain there is a God. :lol

Tried that, they are persistent bastards

[SA210]

The ultimate fuck you is to say you're an atheist. They wont even try to convince you to join their cause let alone explain there is a God. :lol

An ultimate "fuck you" to people who mean you no harm whatsoever. Jesus Christ.

[The Reckoning]

theres an inside man on our hands

[it's me]

Read some biblical criticism literature, and you will even enjoy discussing with religious people about the supposed divine inspiration.

[DMC]

Start talking about the immaculate conception and act as if it's about the birth of Christ, see if they catch on. Use words out of context and check your phone a lot and make loud exclamations about your boss. Have a Guns and Ammo and Soldier of Fortune magazine laying out, answer the door wearing a black turtleneck, aviator sunglasses, bloused black cargo pants and spit polished jump boots. If you can find a black beret, wear that. You are an angel of God sent to be his enforcer.

[AussieFanKurt]

Start talking about the immaculate conception and act as if it's about the birth of Christ, see if they catch on. Use words out of context and check your phone a lot and make loud exclamations about your boss. Have a Guns and Ammo and Soldier of Fortune magazine laying out, answer the door wearing a black turtleneck, aviator sunglasses, bloused black cargo pants and spit polished jump boots. If you can find a black beret, wear that. You are an angel of God sent to be his enforcer.

:lmao this has to be done

[mouse]

They wont even explain there is a God. :lol

Explain there isn't

http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p55/RackTheMouse/bored/pop-mosses2.jpg

[lebomb]

Bloodless surgery by at Northeast Baptist Hospital at 8811 Village Drive in San Antonio.
One of about 6 gadzillion healthcare professionals who now know the advantages of bloodless procedures.

http://www.baptisthealthsystem.com/services_surgery_treatments_bloodless.aspx

In part: There are many advantages to bloodless surgery over traditional surgery including the decreased risk of the patient’s contracting new strains of Hepatitis, which cannot yet be tested for in the blood supply. Reducing the need for transfusion can also reduce the risk of infections and decrease the length of hospital stay.


LMAO!!!!! This works great for a planned surgery, what happens if you are in an accident and blood is squirting out of your juggla vein? Then you need blood to survive. The JW view is horseshit, because they are afraid you might contract a disease and die with bad blood, but you will die for fuckin sure without the blood transfusion. HOW STUPID IS THAT? ...... I went to Utsa and still figured that shit out. :rolleyes

[johnsmith]

A buddy of mine at work is a diehard JW. I used to argue with him about religion and their belief system until I realized that he wouldn't even budge on their opinion that the Earth is only like 4,000 years old or some ridiculously low number.

Dude knows his scripture though, it's pretty impressive.

[lebomb]

Dude knows his scripture though, it's pretty impressive.


False scripture..........you do know their bible is different right?

King James/NIV: "in the beginning was the word and the word was god......."

JW: "in the beginning was the word and the word is a god.........."


That right there changes the entire meaning of everything.

[Avante]

All kidding aside.

knock knock...answer the door and there they stand.

Me...(not opening the door standing behind the screen door)...yes? (knowing who/why they are there)
JW..good morning sir, we are....blahblahblah.
Me...not interested.
JW...can we leave this (The Watchtower) with you?
Me..nope!

Just that easy.

[lebomb]

All kidding aside.

knock knock...answer the door and there they stand.

Me...(not opening the door standing behind the screen door)...yes? (knowing who/why they are there)
JW..good morning sir, we are....blahblahblah.
Me...not interested.
JW...can we leave this (The Watchtower) with you?
Me..nope!

Just that easy.

This works even better

JW........ding- dong (doorbell)
Me........Looks out peephole, see 2 dorks
JW........ding- dong
JW........ding- dong
JW........ding- dong

.............. PAUSE

JW........ding- dong

.............. they finally leave

Me.........goes back to tossin my girls salad

:hat

[Avante]

This works even better

JW........ding- dong (doorbell)
Me........Looks out peephole, see 2 dorks
JW........ding- dong
JW........ding- dong
JW........ding- dong

.............. PAUSE

JW........ding- dong

.............. they finally leave

Me.........goes back to tossin my girls salad

:hat

I have a dog who barks, he will bark as long as somebody is at the door, no...SHUT UP...does not work. So the faster I get rid of them the better.

Dude, why all these gross threads, you still into that?

[DMC]

False scripture..........you do know their bible is different right?

King James/NIV: "in the beginning was the word and the word was god......."

JW: "in the beginning was the word and the word is a god.........."


That right there changes the entire meaning of everything.
It changes nothing. The word "was" is used before those two bolded examples. That is referring to "in the beginning". To say "was God" or "was a god" is the same thing since they are both monotheistic religions. They both believe in only one god. Capitalization of the word "god" doesn't indicate a specific god, it's just something Christians do in order to illustrate their version of the nebulous concept of a god is "the right one". Technically their god should have a name, and he does. That name is capitalized because it's a proper noun. Christians don't have the patent for the term "god". Jehovah is the name of the god, he is supposed to be "a god" regardless if he is the only god, he's still "a god".

[TheRealCB]

Never had a JW come to my door tbh,should be a nice experience..

Although I could never understand why religious people get so defensive about their beliefs...I never tried to convince anyone to be an atheist,only talk about it with my friends sometimes..

[Avante]

An couple atheists going door to door...hmmm?

[DeadlyDynasty]

I'm just surprised lebomb can read.

[TheRealCB]

An couple atheists going door to door...hmmm?
Yeah,you would never see that happen.Atheists believe what they believe,they may even consider religious people fools,but I've never seen anyone trying to "preach" atheism.

[Avante]

Yeah,you would never see that happen.Atheists believe what they believe,they may even consider religious people fools,but I've never seen anyone trying to "preach" atheism.

Hmmmm?

ringa dinga ding (answering the door)

Christian...yes?
Atheists (two)...good morNing, we are with the local atheists. Could you spare a few minutes?
C...absolutely, atheists huh?, well come on in I 'd love to talk to you.
A...(both looking at each other, then taking a seat)
C...so there is no God and you can prove that..right?
A..well no sir we can't actually prove it, can you prove He exists?
C..I don't care if He exists, I just prefer to have faith that He does, ya see son it makes me feel better. What do you get out of...bah humbug?
A...we don't look to some fantasy for answers?
C..once again son, prove He is a fantasy.
A..you know we can't, we just think it's silly to believe in something nobody has ever proved existed.
C...you got a dollar?
A..sure.
C..well take it out and look at, doesn't it say..."In God We Trust"..?
A..yes I know but that's out of ignorance.
C..it isn't...One Nation Under God...?
A..yes I know, more ignorance.
C...well you are right about one thing?
A..yes?
C...ignorance, see yourself to the door gentlemen and have a Merry Christmas.
A...:(

[redzero]

^ :lol what a stupid argument.

[Avante]

I agree 100%.

[redzero]

:lol How did you manage to make your strawmen look better than you? That's quite an accomplishment.

[Avante]

:lol How did you manage to make your strawmen look better than you? That's quite an accomplishment.

I'm a very very talented guy, trust me!

[baseline bum]

Hmmmm?

ringa dinga ding (answering the door)

Christian...yes?
Atheists (two)...good morNing, we are with the local atheists. Could you spare a few minutes?
C...absolutely, atheists huh?, well come on in I 'd love to talk to you.
A...(both looking at each other, then taking a seat)
C...so there is no God and you can prove that..right?
A..well no sir we can't actually prove it, can you prove He exists?
C..I don't care if He exists, I just prefer to have faith that He does, ya see son it makes me feel better. What do you get out of...bah humbug?
A...we don't look to some fantasy for answers?
C..once again son, prove He is a fantasy.
A..you know we can't, we just think it's silly to believe in something nobody has ever proved existed.
C...you got a dollar?
A..sure.
C..well take it out and look at, doesn't it say..."In God We Trust"..?
A..yes I know but that's out of ignorance.
C..it isn't...One Nation Under God...?
A..yes I know, more ignorance.
C...well you are right about one thing?
A..yes?
C...ignorance, see yourself to the door gentlemen and have a Merry Christmas.
A...:(

tl;dr

[DMC]

Yeah,you would never see that happen.Atheists believe what they believe,they may even consider religious people fools,but I've never seen anyone trying to "preach" atheism.
Learning itself is the strongest tool for the spread of atheism. Those ignorant of the world they live in aren't compelled to examine their beliefs because, to them, they aren't beliefs. To them they are facts. If you're an adult and you've never felt the desire to question your dogma, to explore further, you deserve the shit religion dumps on you, but the rest of us don't so keep it to yourself. (not you personally)

[AussieFanKurt]

Isn't one thing, among many things that separate us from animals is that we are supposed to question things and not blindly follow. That's one reason why I've never been religious personally

[DMC]

Isn't one thing, among many things that separate us from animals is that we are supposed to question things and not blindly follow. That's one reason why I've never been religious personally
Some people do question things and still come up with religion as the answer, but I think the overwhelming majority of religious folk do not question their belief from childhood.

I think the US and most civilized nations will eventually get away from religion, but there's such a strong tie between the Vatican and governments that it's going to influence lawmakers. When the Vatican is gone, the world will be a better place.

[TheRealCB]

Some people do question things and still come up with religion as the answer, but I think the overwhelming majority of religious folk do not question their belief from childhood.

I think the US and most civilized nations will eventually get away from religion, but there's such a strong tie between the Vatican and governments that it's going to influence lawmakers. When the Vatican is gone, the world will be a better place.

The childhood angle imo is very important.I mean,nobody "chooses" their religion.Most US-European people are catholic because they were born where they were born,Greeks are Orthodox,some asian countries are muslim or Buddhist and whatever..What makes my god better than Allah?Just because I was born in Greece I have to blindly accept Orthodoxism as THE religion while all others are wrong?