Ozzy
07-01-2005, 03:40 AM
It looks like reporters in Minny are already concerned about McCants. :drunk
http://www.startribune.com/stories/511/5485407.html
Jim Souhan: Forty ways to lose your diehard fans
Jim Souhan, Star Tribune
July 1, 2005 JIMS0701
Rashad McCants might turn out to be Mother Teresa in hightops, with an even better jump shot, but pardon our Midwestern sensibilities if we worry about any athlete who has cast so much as a sideways glance at a coach.
This being the epicenter of dubious sports behavior, we have our guard up and our expectations down, so, Mr. McCants, if you want to separate yourself from the madding crowd, you'll heed these recently invoked Twin Cities sports rules.
Because of the separation of church and sports, we can't post the Ten Commandments in this column, so we'll settle for 40 secular suggestions.
Please, sir, don't:
1. Give a cop a ride, unless you're willing to let her inside the car. (Randy Moss.)
2. Say you need a new contract to feed your family when you're driving around town in a custom-made Maybach sedan, with a champagne cooler in the armrest, that, if sold for parts, would eradicate world hunger. (Latrell Sprewell.)
3. Question why you would want to help the Wolves win a championship if they're not willing to give you more money. (Sprewell.)
4. Demand a new contract before your old one is up. (Sam Cassell.)
5. Scalp tickets. Vikings coach Mike Tice, along with his associates "Ace" and "Sammy the Bull," got disciplined Thursday, so trying to make a few bucks on the side isn't advisable. Unless you can get me good ducats for U2 -- or Cassell's favorite band, I-Me.
6. Force the team that nurtured your career to trade you, only to land on someone else's bench. (Doug Mientkiewicz.)
7. Squirt officials with a water bottle. (Moss.)
8. Point your derriere at the stands. (Moss.)
9. When fined for faking the moon, ask, "What's $10,000 to me?" and say you'll pay it off with "straight cash, homey." (Moss.)
10. Carry the Original Whizzinator through an airport. (Onterrio Smith.)
11. Carry the New and Improved Whizzinator through an airport. (Smith.)
12. Claim that anyone who carries any version of a Whizzinator through an airport is still part of your "family." (Tice.)
13. Barge into a news conference to berate your coach. (J.R. Rider.)
14. Spend more time playing video games than basketball games. (Donyell Marshall.)
15. Take plays off. (Moss.)
16. Admit to taking plays off. (Moss.)
17. Play shell games with the truth. (Kevin McHale.)
18. Cheat. (McHale and Wolves owner Glen Taylor.)
19. Get caught cheating. (Ibid.)
20. Get caught cheating on behalf of Joe Smith! (Aaargh!)
21. Take your dozens of millions, throw the occasional punch at a teammate and duck your team spokesman responsibilities. (Kevin Garnett.)
22. Scream at your teammates on the sideline. (Cris Carter.)
23. Walk off the field or court before the end of the game. (Moss.)
24. Fall asleep in a tanning bed, frying your skin so you can't play that day. (Former Twin Marty Cordova, at the time with Baltimore.)
25. Threaten fans while in the team huddle. (Sprewell.)
26. Leave town so you can be a bigger star and wind up with the Knicks! (Stephon Marbury.)
27. Get busted for steroids yet fail to become the governor of California. (Juan Rincon.)
28. Taunt the foremost icon of your sport, then become the invisible man. (Chris Hovan, after teasing Brett Favre.)
29. Become an anonymous informer on your old coach's scalping habits. (Hovan on Tice, we're guessing.)
30. Skip offseason workouts to protest your contract. (Brian Williams, Corey Chavous.)
31. Remind us of Ndudi Ebi, Paul Grant, William Avery, Christian Laettner, Loren Woods, Rider or Gerald Glass. (Ugh.)
32. Before every game, create a mushroom cloud of talcum powder at the scorer's table. (Garnett does it, and the darn talc gets in my pregame whiskey.)
33. When you leave town, declare you deserve credit for future championships. (Red McCombs.)
34. Tell us you're taking the high road. (Dennis Green.)
35. Demonstrate that the high road leads to a dead-end job in the desert. (Denny again.)
36. Invite people you meet on the Internet to lunch. (Lew Ford.)
37. Preach defense when you never played any. (McHale.)
38. Say you played your tail off when you just lost to Kansas City. (Ron Gardenhire.)
39. Blame the media. We're annoying, but if you don't want scrutiny, work at McDonald's. (Kenny Rogers.)
40. After making a basket to put the Wolves up 4-3 on Charlotte, slash your throat, pretend to don devil's horns, moonwalk, thump your chest, renegotiate, curse, complain to the ref, dance, shimmy, put one flap down, grab your shorts and blow kisses to the sky. The guy in the last row doesn't want your air kisses. He just wants a little more effort and a little less idiocy from his local millionaire athletes.
This advice is worth straight cash, homey.
:lol :spin :lol
http://www.startribune.com/stories/511/5485407.html
Jim Souhan: Forty ways to lose your diehard fans
Jim Souhan, Star Tribune
July 1, 2005 JIMS0701
Rashad McCants might turn out to be Mother Teresa in hightops, with an even better jump shot, but pardon our Midwestern sensibilities if we worry about any athlete who has cast so much as a sideways glance at a coach.
This being the epicenter of dubious sports behavior, we have our guard up and our expectations down, so, Mr. McCants, if you want to separate yourself from the madding crowd, you'll heed these recently invoked Twin Cities sports rules.
Because of the separation of church and sports, we can't post the Ten Commandments in this column, so we'll settle for 40 secular suggestions.
Please, sir, don't:
1. Give a cop a ride, unless you're willing to let her inside the car. (Randy Moss.)
2. Say you need a new contract to feed your family when you're driving around town in a custom-made Maybach sedan, with a champagne cooler in the armrest, that, if sold for parts, would eradicate world hunger. (Latrell Sprewell.)
3. Question why you would want to help the Wolves win a championship if they're not willing to give you more money. (Sprewell.)
4. Demand a new contract before your old one is up. (Sam Cassell.)
5. Scalp tickets. Vikings coach Mike Tice, along with his associates "Ace" and "Sammy the Bull," got disciplined Thursday, so trying to make a few bucks on the side isn't advisable. Unless you can get me good ducats for U2 -- or Cassell's favorite band, I-Me.
6. Force the team that nurtured your career to trade you, only to land on someone else's bench. (Doug Mientkiewicz.)
7. Squirt officials with a water bottle. (Moss.)
8. Point your derriere at the stands. (Moss.)
9. When fined for faking the moon, ask, "What's $10,000 to me?" and say you'll pay it off with "straight cash, homey." (Moss.)
10. Carry the Original Whizzinator through an airport. (Onterrio Smith.)
11. Carry the New and Improved Whizzinator through an airport. (Smith.)
12. Claim that anyone who carries any version of a Whizzinator through an airport is still part of your "family." (Tice.)
13. Barge into a news conference to berate your coach. (J.R. Rider.)
14. Spend more time playing video games than basketball games. (Donyell Marshall.)
15. Take plays off. (Moss.)
16. Admit to taking plays off. (Moss.)
17. Play shell games with the truth. (Kevin McHale.)
18. Cheat. (McHale and Wolves owner Glen Taylor.)
19. Get caught cheating. (Ibid.)
20. Get caught cheating on behalf of Joe Smith! (Aaargh!)
21. Take your dozens of millions, throw the occasional punch at a teammate and duck your team spokesman responsibilities. (Kevin Garnett.)
22. Scream at your teammates on the sideline. (Cris Carter.)
23. Walk off the field or court before the end of the game. (Moss.)
24. Fall asleep in a tanning bed, frying your skin so you can't play that day. (Former Twin Marty Cordova, at the time with Baltimore.)
25. Threaten fans while in the team huddle. (Sprewell.)
26. Leave town so you can be a bigger star and wind up with the Knicks! (Stephon Marbury.)
27. Get busted for steroids yet fail to become the governor of California. (Juan Rincon.)
28. Taunt the foremost icon of your sport, then become the invisible man. (Chris Hovan, after teasing Brett Favre.)
29. Become an anonymous informer on your old coach's scalping habits. (Hovan on Tice, we're guessing.)
30. Skip offseason workouts to protest your contract. (Brian Williams, Corey Chavous.)
31. Remind us of Ndudi Ebi, Paul Grant, William Avery, Christian Laettner, Loren Woods, Rider or Gerald Glass. (Ugh.)
32. Before every game, create a mushroom cloud of talcum powder at the scorer's table. (Garnett does it, and the darn talc gets in my pregame whiskey.)
33. When you leave town, declare you deserve credit for future championships. (Red McCombs.)
34. Tell us you're taking the high road. (Dennis Green.)
35. Demonstrate that the high road leads to a dead-end job in the desert. (Denny again.)
36. Invite people you meet on the Internet to lunch. (Lew Ford.)
37. Preach defense when you never played any. (McHale.)
38. Say you played your tail off when you just lost to Kansas City. (Ron Gardenhire.)
39. Blame the media. We're annoying, but if you don't want scrutiny, work at McDonald's. (Kenny Rogers.)
40. After making a basket to put the Wolves up 4-3 on Charlotte, slash your throat, pretend to don devil's horns, moonwalk, thump your chest, renegotiate, curse, complain to the ref, dance, shimmy, put one flap down, grab your shorts and blow kisses to the sky. The guy in the last row doesn't want your air kisses. He just wants a little more effort and a little less idiocy from his local millionaire athletes.
This advice is worth straight cash, homey.
:lol :spin :lol